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From Television City in Hollywood.
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plants are going to look real nice on
that stand.
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00:01:05,631 --> 00:01:09,489
And they're going to grow better, too,
knowing that somebody cares enough about
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00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:11,540
them to build them their own little
home.
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What are you talking about, Florida?
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I read it in a plant book. It says that
plants are very sensitive, and when they
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know you love them, they'll just
blossom.
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Well,
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in that case, let's do it up right.
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I'll break out the muscatel and give
them a real housewarming.
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Plants don't blossom on muscatel.
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No, but I do.
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Them plants can continue to get high on
fertilizer.
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Well, I got the slipcovers finished.
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Oh, James, everything is looking so
good. I'm getting so excited.
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Now, baby, I know how important this
contest is to you, but don't you think
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00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,359
went overboard a little bit? I mean, the
money you spent for them slipcovers,
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00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,410
you could have made yourself a new
dress.
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00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,200
I saved money, James.
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00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,920
The sofa takes less material than I do.
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00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:11,149
Because I like you just the way you are.
There's plenty to hug, plenty to
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00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,590
squeeze. Oh, Jay.
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00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:17,470
And I know there's always enough left
over for next time.
24
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:26,250
You sure know how to make a Weight
Watcher dropout feel good.
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00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:45,159
couch oh my it's beautiful thank you
we're sure to get the first prize this
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00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:50,879
i know this is the best of an apartment
in the whole building well i don't know
27
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:56,379
baby the competition's pretty stiff this
year mr and mrs russell got a genuine
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antique umbrella stand from montgomery
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side of the stove.
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Oh, Mom.
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Oh, Selma.
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00:03:17,790 --> 00:03:18,840
Well,
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00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:24,770
a loving daughter is the next best thing
to a self -cleaning oven.
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00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:30,250
Oh, James, just look at this place.
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00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,410
I know exactly where I'm going to put
the plaque.
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00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:35,949
Now, baby, you got to win it before you
hang it.
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00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:39,069
Now, look, I don't want to be no
killjoy, but in this world, you got to
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00:03:39,070 --> 00:03:42,020
prepared for the fact... It ain't what
you do, but who you know.
39
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,860
James, I feel too good to let you rain
on my parade.
40
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:50,719
Now, I know that the important thing in
the contest is how good things look. And
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00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:55,559
Mrs. Vinson is the head of the
committee, and she is as honest as the
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00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,350
long. Yeah, that's the same thing they
said about them people in Washington.
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00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,650
You notice how short that day's been
getting lately?
44
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,360
Do our plans look the way you like them?
45
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,480
Put the philodendron on top.
46
00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:12,680
Now, which one is that? I don't know a
philodendron from a collard green.
47
00:04:13,510 --> 00:04:15,350
This one is the prettiest one.
48
00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:18,619
I didn't mean that, all the rest of you
plants.
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00:04:18,970 --> 00:04:22,510
I love you all, and I think each and
every one of you is beautiful.
50
00:04:22,511 --> 00:04:26,489
Maybe you're talking to them plants like
they understand you.
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00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,470
They do, James. You'd be surprised.
52
00:04:28,471 --> 00:04:32,789
I guess you're right. Them turnip greens
we had for dinner talked back to me all
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00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:33,840
last night.
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00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,280
That's eating better than we do.
55
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,450
Why don't we just sprinkle a little
grits on them?
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00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,900
J .J., the plants don't like that kind
of talk.
57
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:02,199
Now, I'm sure you've upset them, so I
want you to go over there and tell them
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00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,250
you are sorry.
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00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,530
Okay.
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00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:51,620
Plants, I'd like you to meet my smart,
elegy son, James Jr.
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00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,920
This is a philodendron.
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00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:57,440
That's a Boston fern. This is a freckled
plant.
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00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,770
You African valet.
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00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,190
Howie it.
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00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:05,680
Precious. Ain't they? Now, this one's
Ozzie and that one's Harriet.
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00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:09,080
Or is this one Ozzie and that one
Harriet?
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00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,480
I can't tell the difference.
68
00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:14,250
But they ain't got no problem because
they can.
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00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,080
Well, Lona, your bread ain't baked.
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00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:27,160
Here. Oh, it really is nice. But, Lona,
you shouldn't have spent the money.
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00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:33,180
Ozzie costs what? 35 cents and Harriet
costs 50 cents.
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00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:35,440
How come Harriet costs more than Ozzie?
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Because Ozzie just swims around the
bowl.
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00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:41,220
Harriet lays the eggs.
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00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:47,680
Hi, Thelma. Hey, Madonna.
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00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:52,180
You really got everybody working,
haven't you? Got to get it together.
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00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:56,660
Well, I'm glad to see the house looking
so good because I got news for you.
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00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:59,920
What? The judging committee is coming
around this...
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00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:01,919
This afternoon?
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00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,750
Mm -hmm. Are you sure of that? Mm -hmm.
How did you find out?
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00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,070
They don't call me the Rona Barrett of
the projects for nothing.
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00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,100
Well, Rona, how did you find out?
83
00:08:11,101 --> 00:08:14,319
All right. You know Miss Vincent, the
head of the committee? Mm -hmm. Well,
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00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:18,559
husband has a brother who's married to
some chick who has a father -in -law who
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00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:23,079
has a nephew who's a real handsome dude
who took me dancing at the Ambassador
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00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,520
East last night. Oh.
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00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,840
That is some food for the fishes. Good.
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00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:53,790
And when you feed them, Florida, make
sure you give more to Harriet.
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00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,200
Why? Because the man at the fish store
says she was pregnant.
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00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,000
She may be eating for 46.
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00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,570
Okay.
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00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:01,710
Bye, fishes.
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00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,290
See y 'all later.
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00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,490
Okay.
95
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,880
And thanks again, huh? All right. Good
luck.
96
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,150
Thank you.
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00:09:09,651 --> 00:09:14,299
You know something, baby? Y 'all too
much for me.
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00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:17,370
How you supposed to know which one of
them fishes is Harriet?
99
00:09:17,371 --> 00:09:22,529
If one of them gets up in the middle of
the night and wants chocolate crackers
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00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:25,570
and sauerkraut, that's all right.
101
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,620
You know, your loaf could use another
ten minutes, too.
102
00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:35,810
Hello there, vegetation.
103
00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:39,410
I'm back from the bathroom.
104
00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:44,069
Hey, where did you get them goldfish
from? Well, Donna brought them to
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00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:47,080
up the place a little bit. I suppose I
have to talk to them, too.
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00:09:47,081 --> 00:09:50,869
It wouldn't hurt to say something nice
to her.
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Okay.
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00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:55,670
Hello, little gold brothers.
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00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:59,690
May the water in your bowl always be
wet.
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00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:03,090
Move your easel.
111
00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:07,769
Fixing up the apartment and winning
first prize mean that much, huh, Ma?
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00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:12,689
It isn't just a first prize. It's taking
pride in your surroundings and trying
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00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:14,010
to make things look better.
114
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,700
Now, baby.
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00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:19,029
I told you not to get your hopes up too
high here. I mean, just because you're
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00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,969
the best filly in the race don't mean
there might not be a fix on.
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00:10:21,970 --> 00:10:26,229
Jane, I just know all this work ain't
going for nothing. We just got to win
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first prize.
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00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:28,280
All right.
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00:10:28,530 --> 00:10:31,190
Mama, Daddy, can I ask you an important
question?
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00:10:31,191 --> 00:10:35,089
Uh -huh. If you meet a brother on the
street who was tired, hungry, and had no
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00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:36,650
place to go, would you help him?
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00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:40,350
I guess so. That would be the Christian
thing to do. I thought so, Mama.
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00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:34,500
Now, we can't help this brother. He's a
hopeless drunk.
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00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:37,670
I may be drunk, but I'm not helpless.
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00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,040
Hey,
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00:11:41,490 --> 00:11:47,170
could a helpless man do that? Get that
man off my new cover. Junior, come on.
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00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:48,740
Help him up.
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00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,040
Easy, man.
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00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,410
Look. Huh?
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00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:52,990
It's going to be all right.
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00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:56,869
See, Michael, we all know he's a whiner.
I know he's been on the grape for
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00:11:56,870 --> 00:11:58,190
years, and he won't get off.
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00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,330
That's right. His name's engraved.
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00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,760
promised he'd give up drinking and dry
out. That's right. I promise.
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00:12:12,970 --> 00:12:14,020
Easy, man.
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00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:17,910
All he needs is someone to help him.
138
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:21,550
Mama, if he could just spend a few days
here, he'd be all right.
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00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:23,170
A few days?
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00:12:23,171 --> 00:12:27,149
Well, Luna just told us that the
committee will be here in a few minutes.
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00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:31,690
Michael, in order to help a man, the
man's got to want to help himself.
142
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,000
But, Daddy, he does want to help
himself.
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00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:34,969
Oh, yeah?
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00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:36,290
Well, let's see about that.
145
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:40,900
Ned? Huh?
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00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:50,949
There's almost a full bottle of muscatel
in the kitchen cabinet.
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00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,630
You're welcome to it if you want it.
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00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:53,940
No, Jim.
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00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,550
and the committee is due here any
minute.
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00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,560
Oh, Michael, you pick such a bad time to
be a good Samaritan.
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00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,990
Mama, you always told us we were put on
this earth to help others.
152
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:32,180
Daddy, if we don't help them out, who
will?
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00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,970
Look, folks.
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00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:58,559
Thank you, Mr.
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00:13:58,560 --> 00:13:59,610
Muscatone.
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00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,870
River wants to know what the hell's
going on, too.
157
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,140
Now, try to get this milk down.
158
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:57,419
Milk? Oh, no, I couldn't. Oh, yes, you
could. Just make believe it's white
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00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:58,470
musketeer.
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00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,250
Okay.
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00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:06,430
By the time he gets it to his mouth,
it's going to be a milkshake.
162
00:15:21,631 --> 00:15:26,119
Give me a hand. We'll get him off to the
bathroom.
163
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,019
Bathroom? You better off. We just took
off all his clothes and ran him through
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00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:30,070
the car wash.
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00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:38,130
JJ. Nobody will notice. They probably
just think he's streaking.
166
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,879
James, will you try and hurry him in
there? And while you're in it, explain
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00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,760
him about the contest and the committee
coming over.
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00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:58,780
The bathroom is this way.
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00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:37,659
have a chance.
170
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:38,880
Don't I know it?
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00:16:38,881 --> 00:16:41,859
Daddy and the boys are going to get him
cleaned up, Ma.
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00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:42,659
Cleaned up?
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00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:46,539
With all that dirt on him? It would be
simpler and faster if you dropped a
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00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:49,400
couple of seeds on him and turned him
into a planter.
175
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:53,500
He'd be the only real potted plant in
the project.
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00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,340
All right, Ma.
177
00:16:55,341 --> 00:16:56,939
Thelma's right.
178
00:16:56,940 --> 00:17:00,019
Ain't nothing lost. We still got time to
get him out of here if you want to. Oh,
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00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:03,079
no, no, no. We promised to help him and
that's what we're going to do.
180
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,130
James, you're...
181
00:17:10,721 --> 00:17:17,549
closet seeking to find some old clothes
for him. I bet you we have him looking
182
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:20,620
more respectable than any of them judges
he's been up before.
183
00:17:20,869 --> 00:17:21,919
That's sweet.
184
00:17:23,470 --> 00:17:24,770
Hey. Huh?
185
00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:28,060
James!
186
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,310
Hmm? What was that for?
187
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,040
That's for being a whole lot of woman.
And I don't mean weight, neither.
188
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:59,389
minutes trying to get them gray socks
off five minutes yeah we found out he
189
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:00,440
wasn't wearing
190
00:18:56,490 --> 00:18:57,930
The committee gets here, Ned.
191
00:18:58,590 --> 00:18:59,640
Hey, Ned,
192
00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:04,070
if you can hear me, just wiggle a
finger.
193
00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:10,770
That's close enough, Ned.
194
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:14,470
Ooh, that must be the committee.
195
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:17,010
Lord, if you ain't too busy, please...
196
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,639
my children.
197
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,690
Hi.
198
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:36,430
This is my cousin. He's visiting us from
Mississippi.
199
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,080
Well, now, isn't that funny?
200
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,000
I could have sworn it was Ned the wino.
Oh.
201
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,080
Same profile.
202
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,050
Same mustache.
203
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,610
Same breath.
204
00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:18,350
Just trying to tie a shoelace.
205
00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,840
Michael, want to give cuz in the hand
with a shoelace, please?
206
00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,040
You know, cuz got a little touch of
lumbago.
207
00:20:26,570 --> 00:20:29,590
The bathrooms are beautiful and the
bedroom is immaculate.
208
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:31,590
Then I don't think there's any doubt.
209
00:20:32,050 --> 00:20:33,490
You're the winner, Mrs. Evans.
210
00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:37,750
Just a minute, Mrs. Vinson.
211
00:20:37,751 --> 00:20:40,669
We promised to Russell we'd go back and
take another look at their apartment.
212
00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:44,990
It's my belief as chairperson that this
is by far the best kept.
213
00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:46,830
and most charming apartment.
214
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:50,050
If you don't agree, you tell Mr.
215
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,300
and Mrs. Evans.
216
00:21:43,071 --> 00:21:46,289
But as usual, you're the exception.
217
00:21:46,290 --> 00:21:50,260
And you really deserve it, babe, because
you did one fine job on this apartment.
218
00:21:51,330 --> 00:21:54,410
And don't forget, we also made a fine
new person out of Nate.
219
00:21:58,510 --> 00:22:01,850
James, will you straighten up that fine
new person?
220
00:22:05,210 --> 00:22:06,260
Mrs.
221
00:22:09,770 --> 00:22:12,600
Evans, I just had to come back and tell
you one more thing.
222
00:22:12,630 --> 00:22:17,099
You know, it was very close. between
your apartment and the Russells. Yes.
223
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:20,300
one thing made me decide in your favor.
Oh, what was that?
224
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,560
The way you cleaned up Ned.
225
00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:33,870
Mr.
226
00:22:33,871 --> 00:22:36,679
Benson, I know this is ridiculous, but
like I told you, this is my cousin
227
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,520
from... Mr. Evans, believe me when I
tell you, I would know Ned the way...
228
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:44,700
How could you be so sure?
229
00:22:45,260 --> 00:22:46,500
He's my husband.
230
00:22:55,380 --> 00:23:01,900
Lord have mercy.
231
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:10,280
Once I saw the way you cleaned up Ned, I
didn't have to look at the apartment.
232
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,080
You didn't? Do you?
233
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,500
in eight years, I don't mind taking this
man home with me?
234
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,110
Home with her?
235
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:34,600
Did she say I got to go home with her?
236
00:23:35,620 --> 00:23:39,580
Everything is just the way you left it,
Ned. My mama still...
237
00:23:39,581 --> 00:23:43,519
with us, the girls still come over three
times a week to play hard, and I'm
238
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,100
still taking my vocal lessons.
239
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:55,740
Oh, please, if you have any charity in
your heart... Well,
240
00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:02,499
James, now I not only got pool in the
projects, but thanks to Ned, I also got
241
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:04,320
connections in the gutter.
242
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:22,180
Well, here it is.
243
00:24:22,890 --> 00:24:26,130
That plaque is going to look real nice
up there.
244
00:24:26,410 --> 00:24:29,420
Yeah, and that's something we can all be
proud of, huh? Amen.
245
00:24:29,421 --> 00:24:31,249
Hello, Ma.
246
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:33,970
Hello, Michael. Hello, Thelma. Hello,
Dad.
247
00:24:34,310 --> 00:24:35,360
Hello, plaque.
248
00:24:36,390 --> 00:24:37,440
Hello, plants.
249
00:24:39,250 --> 00:24:40,350
Hello, Ozzie.
250
00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:41,820
Hello, Harriet.
251
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:45,640
Hey, what's them little things swimming
around in there?
252
00:24:47,150 --> 00:24:49,970
Harriet just gave birth to seven new
babies.
253
00:24:50,370 --> 00:24:52,419
Fine thing.
254
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:56,210
You leave the house for a half hour and
you got seven new dudes to say hello to.
255
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,610
Hello, Susan.
256
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,560
Hello, Brenda. Hello, Ricky.
257
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:03,810
Hello, David.
258
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:48,130
Good Times is recorded on tape before a
live audience.
259
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:52,730
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