Original subtitles

From Television City in Hollywood.

plants are going to look real nice on that stand.

And they're going to grow better, too, knowing that somebody cares enough about

them to build them their own little home.

What are you talking about, Florida?

I read it in a plant book. It says that plants are very sensitive, and when they

know you love them, they'll just blossom.

Well,

in that case, let's do it up right.

I'll break out the muscatel and give them a real housewarming.

Plants don't blossom on muscatel.

No, but I do.

Them plants can continue to get high on fertilizer.

Well, I got the slipcovers finished.

Oh, James, everything is looking so good. I'm getting so excited.

Now, baby, I know how important this contest is to you, but don't you think

went overboard a little bit? I mean, the money you spent for them slipcovers,

you could have made yourself a new dress.

I saved money, James.

The sofa takes less material than I do.

Because I like you just the way you are. There's plenty to hug, plenty to

squeeze. Oh, Jay.

And I know there's always enough left over for next time.

You sure know how to make a Weight Watcher dropout feel good.

couch oh my it's beautiful thank you we're sure to get the first prize this

i know this is the best of an apartment in the whole building well i don't know

baby the competition's pretty stiff this year mr and mrs russell got a genuine

antique umbrella stand from montgomery

side of the stove.

Oh, Mom.

Oh, Selma.

Well,

a loving daughter is the next best thing to a self -cleaning oven.

Oh, James, just look at this place.

I know exactly where I'm going to put the plaque.

Now, baby, you got to win it before you hang it.

Now, look, I don't want to be no killjoy, but in this world, you got to

prepared for the fact... It ain't what you do, but who you know.

James, I feel too good to let you rain on my parade.

Now, I know that the important thing in the contest is how good things look. And

Mrs. Vinson is the head of the committee, and she is as honest as the

long. Yeah, that's the same thing they said about them people in Washington.

You notice how short that day's been getting lately?

Do our plans look the way you like them?

Put the philodendron on top.

Now, which one is that? I don't know a philodendron from a collard green.

This one is the prettiest one.

I didn't mean that, all the rest of you plants.

I love you all, and I think each and every one of you is beautiful.

Maybe you're talking to them plants like they understand you.

They do, James. You'd be surprised.

I guess you're right. Them turnip greens we had for dinner talked back to me all

last night.

That's eating better than we do.

Why don't we just sprinkle a little grits on them?

J .J., the plants don't like that kind of talk.

Now, I'm sure you've upset them, so I want you to go over there and tell them

you are sorry.

Okay.

Plants, I'd like you to meet my smart, elegy son, James Jr.

This is a philodendron.

That's a Boston fern. This is a freckled plant.

You African valet.

Howie it.

Precious. Ain't they? Now, this one's Ozzie and that one's Harriet.

Or is this one Ozzie and that one Harriet?

I can't tell the difference.

But they ain't got no problem because they can.

Well, Lona, your bread ain't baked.

Here. Oh, it really is nice. But, Lona, you shouldn't have spent the money.

Ozzie costs what? 35 cents and Harriet costs 50 cents.

How come Harriet costs more than Ozzie?

Because Ozzie just swims around the bowl.

Harriet lays the eggs.

Hi, Thelma. Hey, Madonna.

You really got everybody working, haven't you? Got to get it together.

Well, I'm glad to see the house looking so good because I got news for you.

What? The judging committee is coming around this...

This afternoon?

Mm -hmm. Are you sure of that? Mm -hmm. How did you find out?

They don't call me the Rona Barrett of the projects for nothing.

Well, Rona, how did you find out?

All right. You know Miss Vincent, the head of the committee? Mm -hmm. Well,

husband has a brother who's married to some chick who has a father -in -law who

has a nephew who's a real handsome dude who took me dancing at the Ambassador

East last night. Oh.

That is some food for the fishes. Good.

And when you feed them, Florida, make sure you give more to Harriet.

Why? Because the man at the fish store says she was pregnant.

She may be eating for 46.

Okay.

Bye, fishes.

See y 'all later.

Okay.

And thanks again, huh? All right. Good luck.

Thank you.

You know something, baby? Y 'all too much for me.

How you supposed to know which one of them fishes is Harriet?

If one of them gets up in the middle of the night and wants chocolate crackers

and sauerkraut, that's all right.

You know, your loaf could use another ten minutes, too.

Hello there, vegetation.

I'm back from the bathroom.

Hey, where did you get them goldfish from? Well, Donna brought them to

up the place a little bit. I suppose I have to talk to them, too.

It wouldn't hurt to say something nice to her.

Okay.

Hello, little gold brothers.

May the water in your bowl always be wet.

Move your easel.

Fixing up the apartment and winning first prize mean that much, huh, Ma?

It isn't just a first prize. It's taking pride in your surroundings and trying

to make things look better.

Now, baby.

I told you not to get your hopes up too high here. I mean, just because you're

the best filly in the race don't mean there might not be a fix on.

Jane, I just know all this work ain't going for nothing. We just got to win

first prize.

All right.

Mama, Daddy, can I ask you an important question?

Uh -huh. If you meet a brother on the street who was tired, hungry, and had no

place to go, would you help him?

I guess so. That would be the Christian thing to do. I thought so, Mama.

Now, we can't help this brother. He's a hopeless drunk.

I may be drunk, but I'm not helpless.

Hey,

could a helpless man do that? Get that man off my new cover. Junior, come on.

Help him up.

Easy, man.

Look. Huh?

It's going to be all right.

See, Michael, we all know he's a whiner. I know he's been on the grape for

years, and he won't get off.

That's right. His name's engraved.

promised he'd give up drinking and dry out. That's right. I promise.

Easy, man.

All he needs is someone to help him.

Mama, if he could just spend a few days here, he'd be all right.

A few days?

Well, Luna just told us that the committee will be here in a few minutes.

Michael, in order to help a man, the man's got to want to help himself.

But, Daddy, he does want to help himself.

Oh, yeah?

Well, let's see about that.

Ned? Huh?

There's almost a full bottle of muscatel in the kitchen cabinet.

You're welcome to it if you want it.

No, Jim.

and the committee is due here any minute.

Oh, Michael, you pick such a bad time to be a good Samaritan.

Mama, you always told us we were put on this earth to help others.

Daddy, if we don't help them out, who will?

Look, folks.

Thank you, Mr.

Muscatone.

River wants to know what the hell's going on, too.

Now, try to get this milk down.

Milk? Oh, no, I couldn't. Oh, yes, you could. Just make believe it's white

musketeer.

Okay.

By the time he gets it to his mouth, it's going to be a milkshake.

Give me a hand. We'll get him off to the bathroom.

Bathroom? You better off. We just took off all his clothes and ran him through

the car wash.

JJ. Nobody will notice. They probably just think he's streaking.

James, will you try and hurry him in there? And while you're in it, explain

him about the contest and the committee coming over.

The bathroom is this way.

have a chance.

Don't I know it?

Daddy and the boys are going to get him cleaned up, Ma.

Cleaned up?

With all that dirt on him? It would be simpler and faster if you dropped a

couple of seeds on him and turned him into a planter.

He'd be the only real potted plant in the project.

All right, Ma.

Thelma's right.

Ain't nothing lost. We still got time to get him out of here if you want to. Oh,

no, no, no. We promised to help him and that's what we're going to do.

James, you're...

closet seeking to find some old clothes for him. I bet you we have him looking

more respectable than any of them judges he's been up before.

That's sweet.

Hey. Huh?

James!

Hmm? What was that for?

That's for being a whole lot of woman. And I don't mean weight, neither.

minutes trying to get them gray socks off five minutes yeah we found out he

wasn't wearing

The committee gets here, Ned.

Hey, Ned,

if you can hear me, just wiggle a finger.

That's close enough, Ned.

Ooh, that must be the committee.

Lord, if you ain't too busy, please...

my children.

Hi.

This is my cousin. He's visiting us from Mississippi.

Well, now, isn't that funny?

I could have sworn it was Ned the wino. Oh.

Same profile.

Same mustache.

Same breath.

Just trying to tie a shoelace.

Michael, want to give cuz in the hand with a shoelace, please?

You know, cuz got a little touch of lumbago.

The bathrooms are beautiful and the bedroom is immaculate.

Then I don't think there's any doubt.

You're the winner, Mrs. Evans.

Just a minute, Mrs. Vinson.

We promised to Russell we'd go back and take another look at their apartment.

It's my belief as chairperson that this is by far the best kept.

and most charming apartment.

If you don't agree, you tell Mr.

and Mrs. Evans.

But as usual, you're the exception.

And you really deserve it, babe, because you did one fine job on this apartment.

And don't forget, we also made a fine new person out of Nate.

James, will you straighten up that fine new person?

Mrs.

Evans, I just had to come back and tell you one more thing.

You know, it was very close. between your apartment and the Russells. Yes.

one thing made me decide in your favor. Oh, what was that?

The way you cleaned up Ned.

Mr.

Benson, I know this is ridiculous, but like I told you, this is my cousin

from... Mr. Evans, believe me when I tell you, I would know Ned the way...

How could you be so sure?

He's my husband.

Lord have mercy.

Once I saw the way you cleaned up Ned, I didn't have to look at the apartment.

You didn't? Do you?

in eight years, I don't mind taking this man home with me?

Home with her?

Did she say I got to go home with her?

Everything is just the way you left it, Ned. My mama still...

with us, the girls still come over three times a week to play hard, and I'm

still taking my vocal lessons.

Oh, please, if you have any charity in your heart... Well,

James, now I not only got pool in the projects, but thanks to Ned, I also got

connections in the gutter.

Well, here it is.

That plaque is going to look real nice up there.

Yeah, and that's something we can all be proud of, huh? Amen.

Hello, Ma.

Hello, Michael. Hello, Thelma. Hello, Dad.

Hello, plaque.

Hello, plants.

Hello, Ozzie.

Hello, Harriet.

Hey, what's them little things swimming around in there?

Harriet just gave birth to seven new babies.

Fine thing.

You leave the house for a half hour and you got seven new dudes to say hello to.

Hello, Susan.

Hello, Brenda. Hello, Ricky.

Hello, David.

Good Times is recorded on tape before a live audience.

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