Original subtitles

From Television City in Hollywood.

Don't die!

Same thing Rembrandt's wife said to him. I don't know whether he divorced or

punched on her big mouth.

You're my sister, so I can't divorce you.

I'm a jack and I don't get scared by no beanstalk.

Where's my gold paint?

How should I know where your gold paint is?

Because every time it's missing, you come up with a new pair of psychedelic

dungarees.

broke Tuesday followed by disastrous Wednesday.

From there, the rest of the week go downhill.

Today is the beginning of Black History Week.

Well, Sweet Daddy Williams is black. But you should be painting someone more

relevant to black history.

Relevant? Are you jiving?

Sweet Daddy Williams owns three apartment houses, two Cadillacs, and a

He ain't never worked a day in his life and he ain't never been to jail.

He's the same.

show this week. If you had a better painting, you might win a prize.

Well, if I can get Sweet Daddy Williams together, we just may make that scene,

Michael. But first, I gotta go downtown and get some art supplies.

How you gonna get art supplies? You don't have any money.

Never bothered Robin Hood.

I call it Black Jesus.

Black Jesus.

Now, this is what the brothers need.

Groovy, super, heavy.

Relax, Michael. It's only a painting, not the second coming.

There's a wino, better known as the ghetto prophet.

Yeah, he's always predicting the ends of the world and asking for a dime for

some wine so he can die happy.

Which he does every night.

J .J., you sure know how to pick your models, a wino Jesus.

It's only a symbol of Jesus.

Hey, J .J., you should introduce him to the exhibit.

No way.

Now, Sweet Daddy Williams here is one of a kind.

Just a... a few finishing touches, and he gonna be ready for black history.

Sure is a shame to keep this in the closet.

Hey, since both are just symbols of Jesus, a black family should have a

black symbol.

If mama sees that there, she gonna kill you.

Jesus may have your soul, but mama gonna have your behind.

Princess Grace and Elizabeth Taylor.

The princess was rinsing her husband's shorts and Liz was waiting for her

diamonds to dry.

Now move out of my way. I got work to do. But, Mom, what about the... Why do

keep jumping up in my face? I know what you look like. Now move.

Well,

I hope the space lab is out of the way because... I am just about to go into

orbit.

I don't have to ask who hung this here, Michael Evans, but before I hang you in

its place, why?

Mama, it's just a symbol of Jesus.

Well, hello, symbol.

And goodbye.

JJ painted him. Don't think of me, Michael. I had him in the closet where

wasn't performing no miracles for nobody.

They were supposed to be black.

I bet they were.

If ever people were lost, we're it.

Hush.

Not just hush. Both of you.

This picture has been in my family for as long as I can remember.

When I was a baby, I don't know what I saw first.

My mama, my papa, or this Jesus.

Now, he's the one I know and love. So let's close the subject.

Jesus was black. The Bible would have said so.

But it doesn't.

talking about?

I read about it, um, it's in Revelation chapter 1, verse 14. I read about it in

Muhammad's speech.

It says, um, his hair is like wool, and his

eyes are like flame of fire.

Oh, Lord, have mercy.

You sure do say that, don't you?

JJ's show is.

Judy, how come you decided to paint this?

I don't know. All of a sudden, I just had divine thoughts on my mind.

And for JJ, that's a first.

What, having divine thoughts?

No, having a mind.

I guess I ought to be grateful for JJ having Jesus on his mind.

week after that he comes down

watching a dolphin while you're trying to fight off an octopus?

You're old man, not old man.

No.

Which one of his three underpaid jobs is he working overtime on?

He had to take off from work this afternoon and go down to the internal

They gonna audit him.

Thanks, baby.

Audit him?

What for?

They disallow him the use of his yacht for business?

You got to be kidding.

The president made $200 ,000 and only paid $700 ,000.

I wonder what kind of deduction he put on his return.

Took Israel to lunch.

Hi, Mona.

Hi, Grandpa. This is Black Jesus.

Oh, that's nice.

He's hanging there for Black History Week.

Junior painted them.

When I sent you into the kitchen, I told you to clean...

Not lean.

Junior, what made you paint black jeans?

His face came to me in a...

Would you say that again?

Uh -oh.

I meant who?

I said it's Ned the Winner.

No wonder his eyes are red like fire.

He's from drinking muscatel.

Michael, did you know this was Ned the Winner? Sure, but that's not important.

It's just a symbol.

It is important.

Junior.

know for black jesus well he passed out in the gutter and he's the only one who

holds still long enough black

does

it black history week or no black history week he's coming down

I'm safe, thank you.

Hey, cool, a new pair of sneakers.

Just what you need for your next protest march, huh?

Too much!

I'm there where it is, outside my clothes!

James, I want to know where you got the money.

Wait a minute, baby, I got one more magic trick for you. Now just turn

and close your eyes. James. Turn around and close your eyes, baby.

Oh, all right.

Now, just keep your eyes closed.

Oh, my gosh.

All right, babe. Open your eyes.

James, this is the coat I wanted.

What did you do, James? Go partners with the Chicago police?

I love having a coat to keep me warm, but I don't want one that's hot.

last year all that money was spent on that operation you had yeah well baby it

turned out that that money was what they call a medical deduction after i

finished paying them i still walked out the door with a hundred and

I don't know what you've got against Black Jesus, sir.

Nothing, except I got a lifetime contract with the real one here.

Maybe you ought to hold out for one season, see if it comes up with better

terms.

James, that is pure blasphemy, and I'm not going to have you talking that way

this house.

Where are you going?

I'm going to hit the sweet Daddy Williams in the art exhibition.

You going to enter a street hustler?

The only prize you'll win is from the mafia.

I already got my acceptance speech memorized.

Ladies and gentlemen of the awards committee, I

humbly accept first prize for my masterpiece.

Time does not permit me to thank everyone involved, but I would like to

few people who made this possible.

First, my mother and father, who made me possible.

great teacher for not turning me into the principal when he discovered my

painting in the boys' bathroom.

And last but not least, I'd like to thank myself for being the ebony genius

I am.

If he don't win first prize for talent, he's bound to win it for guts.

I'm going to leave it up to you, Mama. Fix anything you want for my victory

dinner.

If this painting here brings Junior as much luck as it brought me, you can

fixing that victory dinner right now. Oh, James, one lucky break don't mean a

thing.

Hey, Ma!

Dad! You'll never get it.

Something I always wanted. What is it? You know Larry Williams? He asked me to

go to the Isaac Hayes concert tonight.

You know Dean Larry Williams asked me!

Oh, Ma, can I go?

It's all right with me.

Okay.

Looks to me like Black Jesus is doing his thing real good.

Thelma going to an Isaac Hayes concert don't exactly compare to the miracle of

the loaves and the fishes.

Daddy, I'm going to be the foxiest sister at the concert. I know you will

baby. Oh, thanks, brother.

I hope you're proud of yourself, James.

Now you got... worshiping a wino baby all I know is things are finally getting

together the Evans family is starting to get some luck James luck is not what

Jesus was sent to us for he was sent to us to teach us humility when things are

going good and faith to carry through when things are bad now get this

Jesus has nothing to do with luck

Not just when things are starting to go good. That's the best time.

I love you too much to leave you when it's going bad.

Carter, I got something to tell you. Is it good news?

Don't tell me.

What's happening, Wilona?

Well, that good luck hanging there is seeping right through the walls into my

apartment. I just got a call from the octopus asking me for another date.

Now, don't!

at you.

You look just like I looked five years ago.

Ten.

Fifteen, and that's my last off.

Tell me you look just fine.

Ain't nobody gonna be looking at Isaac Hayes at that concert tonight.

Look here.

Take five dollars, spend it money.

She already got enough money to go on a date with a boy. A dollar and a dime.

A dime to call me if she needs. me and a dollar to get home if she can't reach

me.

Keep the five.

Let the boy know he's going out with a rich man's daughter.

Just one thing.

I've had it with everybody believing in this.

Ned DeWino is going back to the closet.

Let him perform his miracle of the mothballs.

No, my Jesus is going back up on the wall where he's going to continue to

perform the miracle of the Evans family.

James, you... Now, that's final, baby.

Now, look here, Florida. You got any other explanations for all this good

we've been having? Yes, I have. What?

Has it ever occurred to you that this is the first...

for more than five seconds discussing the Lord.

Maybe that's why all your good things are happening.

Now, look, baby, I'm not putting down what you believe in, but I also ain't

giving up the first good thing I ever had going for me.

All you got going for you is superstition.

Now, you call it what you want it, but, baby, it's working.

Now, look, I got an interview for a job tomorrow, and it's a good one and

steady.

Maybe this time they won't turn me down because I only got a sixth -grade

education. Lord, I got a feeling I'm going to get it.

And with black teeth as help...

work myself up to foreman, then plant manager, then owner of the factory.

Oh, that's asking too much, huh?

I'll settle for foreman, B .J.

You know, I'd have settled for a strength jacket.

Are you sounding?

Look, James, don't you know, I'm wishing all the best for you, too.

When you go on that job interview tomorrow, I'll be praying for you. Baby,

can pray all you want.

Now, he ain't gonna hurt, but he's gonna help.

Sweet Daddy Wings.

I think he's this month's Jet Magazine centerfold.

Hey, Jet Day, did anybody have a painting like this?

No. Like I told you in the first place, this is the one you should enter.

The Pan -African Council would really dig it.

Maybe you're right, Michael.

Maybe that's the kind of job they go for.

Now, wait a minute, Junior.

You ain't going to enter that in the exhibit.

But, Dad, it's his best shot. Yeah, well, it's my best shot, too, son.

Not needed there, Junior. You've made things happen for me.

Now, you got a lot of other paintings, son. There must be something else you

add. Nothing else is good.

Yeah, well, you're going to have to find something, Junior, because my luck

ain't leaving this wall.

J .J. couldn't win a prize for any of his paintings anyway.

That's how much you know J .J. has real talent.

Yeah, well, if he's got real talent, how come he never sold anything?

He will. Just give him time.

He's had lots of time, but nothing's ever happened. He said he was going to

star of the basketball team, and the coach dropped him after the first

That's only because he was too tall.

When he jumped, his nose got caught in the neck.

There, he's clumsy.

That's enough of that, children. He's not supposed to be an athlete. He's an

artist. An artist? He's an amateur.

Thelma, that's enough of you putting your brother down.

No, Ma.

Maybe Thelma's right.

We ought to get off thinking I could win a prize anyway.

Need a whole bunch of talent and training for that.

I ain't even close. Now, you hold on just one minute, Junior.

You're my son, and the last thing I ever want to hear you doing is running down

your own thing.

Now, painting is your thing, ain't it?

Well, I want it to be. Well, all right, then. Paint on.

What you going to do, Junior? Look, I know what I'm doing. Just let me deal

this.

Here, son.

You take this down to the art show, and you take it down there proud, because

you've got just as much chance of winning as any of the rest of them cats.

Well, what about your luck?

Junior, that's your pain. It ain't mine.

I ain't got no right to it.

Well, don't just sit there with your butt glued to the chair, man. Get up and

get to stepping.

Yes, sir. Thanks, Dad.

All right.

Uh, Junior?

You think maybe you could get a Xeroxed?

Don't that make you feel good?

Yeah, baby.

But you know what would have made me feel a whole lot better if I'd have

another half hour before I got rid of Black Jesus?

For what?

By then, the results would be in from the last race and how I live.

Hey,

Junior, how did it go?

I lost.

Oh, son, I'm sorry.

That's all right, Mama. Van Gogh wasn't famous until after he was dead.

I ain't even lost an ear yet.

Uh, wait a minute, Junior.

Put him back in the closet.

Huh? He ain't brought you no luck.

I think Black Jesus' winning streak is over.

Okay.

Put him back on the wall, J .J. Huh? You mean that baby?

We might as well have both of them up there with this family. We can use all

help we can get.

it on tape before a lot

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