Original subtitles

Oh, good.

William, you're here. Let's get started.

You started with what, Joan? You were kind of vague on the phone.

Oh, Tony's baby shower.

Now, I was thinking we would start with the food. Wait, wait, wait.

Why isn't Maya here?

Oh, she had another book signing.

Now, of course, the J -spot's going to cater.

Duh.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why isn't Lynn here?

Oh, she had band rehearsal.

Anyway, so I put together a draft menu, and it looks kind of like this. Well,

I'm the only one stupid enough to get sucked into this.

Precisely. Now, Tony's having a girl, so I was thinking that the decor should be

like... You know, I'm busy, too.

Happen to be a very busy person.

Senior partner in a major law firm, you know.

And everyone is so very proud of you.

Now, I was thinking the decor should be simple yet elegant. Something like...

What am I doing here anyway?

Baby showers are for women.

So unless I get to shower with some women, I'm not going, baby.

William, of course you're going. And baby showers are for men now, too. It's

common practice.

Since when?

I don't know. Last few years.

How the hell did that happen?

What punk -ass guy complained?

I can't go to the baby shower.

It should be for guys, too.

I want that man's name and address, because I am going to hunt him down and

his sissy ass.

Ooh, I love pedophores.

Don't you tease. Repeat that twice.

Don't you tease.

Don't you tease.

I'm asking, please, same melody.

Okay. I'm asking, please.

I'm asking, please.

Okay, try this.

Why'd you break those laws?

Problems caused.

Why'd you break those laws?

Problems caused.

My heart calls, April 4th.

My heart calls.

April Fools.

You're good.

Yeah, we're good.

It's like we're in sync.

I mean, in a good way, not in a cheesy boy band way.

But really, I love this. I love trip hop.

I hate that word.

Oh, trip or hop?

Both. Oh, and what do you call your music?

Music.

Okay.

Ella?

Hey, baby love.

Yeah, I'll see you then. Bye.

Wow.

What was that, like, uh... Six babies left today?

Hmm. Looks like Finn's gonna get some tail.

What? You know, Finn, tail, both parts of the fish.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm giving you a hard time, because, actually, I'm kind

of like you.

Are you?

I'm a bit of a freak, too.

Is that an invitation?

Do you need an invitation?

Ignore it.

Just ignore it. No, I'm going out of church.

I'm not going anywhere.

Okay.

I'm going to the movie, girl.

I'm kind of busy. Oh, I see that.

Hey, what's up? I'm Maya.

Finn. Hey, what's that?

It's Finn's band that I'm singing in.

Oh, wow.

That's great.

You know, I wasn't really that familiar with your sound, but learning to play in

your music, and I love the trip -hop. It's just like... It's not trip -hop,

Maya. It's music.

My God, what's wrong with you?

Nothing except for living next to crazy.

You just... Maya. Goodbye.

I like your hair.

I'm going to find that guy and kick his sissy ass.

Okay, here's the next one. Oh, girl, that's from me.

What the hell is this?

Girl, that's for your diapers. You put the poopy diapers in there. Oh, you're

gross. I don't put the poopy diapers anywhere. You need to save this for the

nanny shower.

Okay, you guys, there's only two presents left.

So, of course, we're going to save mine for last because it wouldn't be fair for

anyone else to follow it.

Well, that one's for me.

But given under protest.

Because baby showers aren't supposed to be for guys.

I know this isn't the time to make political statements, but damn it, a

men didn't march for the right to go to baby showers.

That's my cradle from when I was a baby. Oh.

My sister had it when little Willie was born.

And now it's your turn to have it. Oh, William. Wow, that's so thoughtful.

Yeah. My grandpappy made it out of oak from his favorite shade tree.

Incredible story about that shade tree.

His grandpappy planted it the day he was free.

What?

I need a stroller.

This is not just a stroller.

This is a Stoka Exploree stroller.

It is the latest in the must -have Euro design.

You can't buy a more expensive stroller. But the sleekness of the Norwegian

design is well worth the price.

She wearing me out with that one, though.

Hey, guys.

Sorry I'm late. Finn and I got caught up working on a song.

That's what you two are calling it.

My God, is it that obvious?

What?

What's so obvious that I don't see as obvious?

Glenn has a new boyfriend.

No, I don't know if I would call him my boyfriend, but... Oh, my God.

You guys, I have never connected with anyone like this before.

And it's not just the great sex.

I mean, it's the way we connect in the music. And it's not just the music. It's

the really great sex.

But...

Get pregnant, and then we can have a baby shower that's all about you, just

this one's all about who?

That's right. Me.

I'm sorry, Tony.

Apology accepted. Now, where is my gift?

Okay. Well, in honor of this very special time in your life, I have

written a song for you and your baby. Oh.

Oh, man.

Wow, that's so sweet.

I am so touched.

Now, where's my gift?

Thanks for giving me a ride, Maya. You know, one of these days, I'm going to

have to get a new car.

Or a used car, or a bike, or a pogo stick, a tiny boom.

This ain't working.

Well, at least you can stay for a while and hear us rehearse, see how amazing

Finn is. Oh, my God, girl, you've got it bad.

I know.

Hey, I've got work to do.

I'll call you later.

Hey, Lynn.

Hey.

How could he? Maya. What? Calm down. Yeah, right after I jumped on his back

claws, I thought, well, you knee him in the... Maya, it's cool, okay?

We're both free to see other people. We're safe.

And we don't believe in limits, just like with the music. This is just how we

do.

How nasty people do.

Oh, guys, guys, this is on me.

After all, you threw me a shower, and I won't be sending anything. Thank you.

No.

Why not?

You saw what I got. I should be sending no thank you notes.

Which reminds me, I have to head over to Robertson. There's a boutique that's

holding a cradle for me, and they're getting ready to close.

Cradle? Tony already gave you a cradle.

Oh, that's right, William.

No thank you.

You didn't like it?

I'm sorry, William. It just doesn't go with the overall design theme of the

baby's room.

What's the overall design theme of the baby's room?

New.

Tony, that's just cold.

I mean, granted, it's not a Stoker Explorey stroller, but... Yeah, about

I could change that for a different one.

What? But, Tony, that's the newest and must have your own strollers. Yeah,

sweetie, when you have a baby, it'll be your old stroller, but I must have a

different one.

You know what, Tony, that's it. I am never buying you another gift.

Yeah, and since you don't want the cradle, I'll be over this weekend to

up. Yeah, about that.

I don't have it anymore.

Well, where is it? I gave it to my cleaning woman.

Tony, that wasn't even yours to keep.

I expected to have that back to have with my kids someday.

Well, then why'd you give it to me?

I said it was your turn to have it.

Your turn.

To have it?

For an attorney who really slips off with the language.

Well, you need to get it back from your cleaning woman.

Is that clear enough for you?

Yeah, about that.

Shortly after, you know, me giving her your cradle, I fired her.

What?

You what?

She's been taking advantage of me. Girl, do you know that my table is full of

Telemundo?

But, Tony, Lupe has worked with you for almost ten years.

I mean, how could you fire her?

Well, I mean, technically, I didn't fire her myself.

I left her to Jesus.

Oh, so you prayed on it?

No. I had the maintenance guy fire her for me. You know, Jesus.

Maybe let it go.

Don't make a sound.

Give them up, I'm down.

Don't you tease.

Don't you tease.

Hey, I'm sorry. I've got to run.

What are you talking about? We're on to something.

We'll finish tomorrow.

How can you do this? This is important. I think we should keep working on this.

We will tomorrow.

I thought you were about the music and we were doing something special. You

don't just drop that and run off every time.

You know what?

Fine. I don't care. Go get laid.

Great. I will. I'll see you tomorrow.

What else do you expect me to do, William? The woman won't answer her

Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Wah, wah.

Ooh, just gave birth, gotta go, bye.

Tony, I can't believe you would joke about something like that. I can't

he wants me to go all the way down to East L .A. to try to get that damn

back from Lupe.

Tony, you need to go down there. That cradle means a lot to William.

You know, I'm with Joan on this one. Do you know that William's grandpappy lost

a finger making that cradle?

No, but it certainly explains his shoddy workmanship.

Tony, I...

Oh, I know. I'm going to go and get it. You guys have to come with me.

I'd bring Jesus, but he's got to swap out a boiler.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, Lynn. I thought you weren't coming tonight.

My recording session with Finn got cut short.

Girl, what's wrong with you? Are you okay?

Finn.

I thought I could do it, the whole casual sex, open relationship thing, but

seeing him with other women is killing me.

But you've never had a problem with open relationships before.

He's different.

And the only time he really expresses himself is through his music. And when

gives me his worst thing, I know that that's a part of him.

Hey, I know y 'all look at me like I'm crazy, but it makes me feel special.

Well, why don't you just tell him you want to go steady?

Well, Patty Duke.

Perhaps they can discuss that on the way to the Saw Cop.

What?

Come on, you know what I'm saying, all right? I mean, just tell them how you

feel. Oh, God, no. That would ruin everything with the band.

What? You're selling that band you stole from your brother?

Yeah, and I can't jeopardize that. It's the best thing I've ever done.

It's the longest thing you've ever done. What are we going on, a week and a

half?

I know.

Isn't that amazing?

I mean, nothing compares to it. I love it.

Mom? then you're going to have to stop sleeping with him and keep the focus on

the music.

But there's this part of me that thinks that maybe he'll change.

Maybe he'll see how good we are and won't want to be with other women.

Yeah, girl, that's the stupid part of you.

I know.

I know.

The band is what's important.

And hey, if I can give up being Cirque du Soleil to be in this band, I can give

up my romance with Finn.

You gave up being in Cirque du Soleil?

Actually, it was a miscommunication. In the advertisement, they said that they

wanted a woman to swing.

Oddly enough, my mind did not go to trapeze.

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, shoot, I forgot. She doesn't speak English. Oh, that's okay. Let me try.

Okay. Hi, Lupe. Um, we're so sorry.

Oh.

About, um, Miss Tony?

Uh -huh, uh -huh. Um, firing you.

No,

por favor, no me hagan daño.

I'm prepared for this. Oh, okay. See, this is a picture of me when I was a

Yes. And a cute little fella.

And this cradle I'm in, that's the one Miss Toni gave to you, and I'm going to

need to have that back.

Okay, so we need you to give us the cradle back.

Yes,

you give it to us, and then we'll be on our way.

Lupe, rightfully, it's William, so you just need to give it back.

God, she really loves that cradle.

Julia, let me see your wallet.

Lupe, Lupe, Lupe.

Stop, stop, stop crying, stop crying. Now, listen, look at Lupe. Now, how much

do you want for that cradle?

Want $200?

He's bilingual.

I got it.

I got it.

Okay. Everything's going to be okay.

Hey, Stephanie. Hi.

Can you get Edgar on the phone for me?

Yeah, thanks.

That's right.

That's right.

I'm going to put you on the phone with Lupe, and if you could please ask her in

Spanish how much she wants for the cradle.

Okay, thanks.

what this means to me. Yay.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Tony? Huh?

Is this the sterling silver frame that I gave you for your wedding?

Huh.

Could be. He always gave loopy first dibs on the Goodwill box.

Here's a high chair and a changing table.

Look, here's a crib and a toy bathtub.

All top -of -the -line stuff.

This can all be yours.

You just let me have that beat -up old cradle.

I'll take all this and another $200.

This is what happens when men get invited to baby showers.