Original subtitles

I'll be right back.

Okay?

Is everything okay? Are you enjoying your patatas bravas?

Well, seeing as how you keep asking me every two seconds, I haven't had a

to taste the patatas bravas.

Well, I'm sure you'll be a little less cranky once you get a chance to eat.

Enjoy.

Jane,

stop it.

William, get out of my way.

William, I am just trying to give the best customer service possible, which

brings more customers, which we need.

William, it's 8 o 'clock at night, and there is nobody in here.

Oh, my God.

It's over, and we're going under.

Come on, snap out of it, Joan. Do I have to slap you?

We'll draw a crowd.

Look, so it's a slow night.

So what?

There's ten restaurants on this block.

I bet they're all having a slow night. Listen!

The Queen Mary is pulling into dry dock.

All right, now.

Hey, Tony, where have you been? I forgot to call you. Oh, girl, sorry. I've been

getting ready for Mama's visit.

Hey, if she gets on your nerve... Oh, I'm sorry.

When she gets on your nerve, feel free to plant her at the J spot, because I

need the business, and your Mama sure can't eat.

No, Joan, I... I'm actually looking forward to the visit. I don't know if

because I'm pregnant or what, but I could use a little mommy and me time.

We are still talking about the same Veretta child who embarrasses you by

a polyester pantsuit and asking for the early bird special at Spago, right?

Yeah, I know it's odd, but I feel like being babied before I have this baby,

know?

Of course, Veretta never was a tucking in story time mama, being narcissistic,

crazy drunk and all.

Good job, Mama.

Good time.

If that's you, Mama, it's open.

If it's not, I got a gun.

Well, don't shoot.

You may not recognize me.

I lost 10 pounds on the South Fresno Dive.

It's a lot like the South Beach Dive, but with ranch dressing and chocolate

cake.

Come on, let me look at you.

handsome, just like your mama did with all seven. Except for you, niece.

I carried her so low, I thought she'd come out my ass.

You feeling good, baby?

Yeah. You getting enough rest?

Yes, mama.

Grease in your belly? Every night.

Oh, that's great, baby.

Now, I've got everything ready for our Mommy and Me weekend.

First, you can start by making me a Frito pie.

And you know what, mama? I also read A Terms of Endearment, Imitation of Life,

and Crooklyn. I figured we could eat...

figure out where Spike went wrong.

Then you can tuck me in, wrap my feet, and think of old Negro spirituals to the

baby. All right, now, we can do all that and more, baby, the day after tomorrow.

But right now, Mama needs to go shopping. I got a new charge card and a

limit.

Well, I guess I could circle the block while you go into Target real quick.

I don't need no more Cherokee tops and bottoms.

I'm a sweatsuit away from the trail of tears.

me something sharp.

Take me over to one of them half -looting stores over there in Beverly

call your hairdresser Negro.

See if he can fit me in for a quick press and curl around four.

Nico is a stylist, Mama, and I don't even think he knows what a press and

is, and he's booked months in advance.

Well, tell him it's an extra five in it if he can see me today.

Okay, Mama.

You don't have to go getting all Beverly Hills for me, okay?

We've been through therapy.

I've accepted you for the Fresno you are.

Well, honey, I'm glad we worked out all our issues.

But right now, Mama needs to look like Diane Carroll on Dynasty.

Fourth season.

How was it going on with you?

Nothing.

Mama, Tony, I have finally wrapped my head around your sophisticated notion of

looking good.

Now all you want to do is keep me in a house coat.

Hmm. You have a $500 limit on that card?

Yeah.

Well, bring it along.

It'll about cover Valley Park and Beverly Hill.

All right.

Come on.

Oh, you know what? Forget the empanadas. Our table's ready next door. Here's a

tent for your trouble.

Wait, wait, but the empanadas...

That's $10, pure profit.

William, we're in deep doo -doo, you dodo. Now get away from that bar and

drinking liquor that we haven't even paid for yet.

No.

I want to be unconscious when they drag me off to debtor's prison.

Some 300 -pound tax evader forces me to toss a salad.

Oh, my God.

William, we need to figure out how to get some paying butts in these seats.

Time to go from toppet to topplet.

Does it rhyme with biddies?

No, William.

Exclusivity. We need to create a buzz.

You know, people want what they can't have.

Don't say it.

We need this to be a hot spot.

Some place that's hard to get into.

Then we can keep on doing what we're doing.

Once we go out of business, it's going to be damn near impossible to get in

here.

Listen here, baby.

You rest up.

Mama's going to run down to the store, all right?

But we're having so much fun.

Well, think of how much fun we're going to have when that cake is done.

You always did bake a party in a pan. Go now.

Okay, Tony, well, I thought while I was out at the store, I'd just swing by and

see some people.

You don't know any people in L .A. You don't know who I know.

I get around.

I belong to several clubs and more than a few lodges.

Now, listen, if I take a left on La Brea, it'll take me right down to Ladera

Heights, right?

You're not going anywhere until you tell me where you're going.

good -haired grandbaby.

So get to talking.

All right, Tony, look.

I didn't come down here just to see you.

Then how'd you come to see?

His name is Hank. He's an old friend.

Oh, my God.

Are you cheating on Daddy?

How dare you ask me that question? I'm a Christian woman.

Well, at least since 1992. You know, when Clinton got in office. Praise

What, you supporting Bush now?

No, but I don't want my mama giving hers away.

Little girl, you may be with child, but that don't mean I can't put an ass

kicking on layaway.

Now you watch yourself.

Leaving your daddy.

Oh, so you just happened to fling with a man you met where, Mama? An AA meeting?

Feed store? Billing station? What?

We were in school together.

I knew Hank before I ever knew your daddy, and we were just... Lovers?

No. I was not one of those fresh -tailed little girls. The hell you weren't. You

were pregnant when you got married.

Oh, well.

Don't mind all that nasty.

Hank was just very special to me.

Oh,

You were just, what, 14, 15?

Special enough that I loved him and never forgot him.

And he never forgot me.

He wrote me this letter asking me to come and see him. And, Tony, you are not

going to stop me.

I pulled off one wig. I can pull off another.

Oh! Is it him?

Are you the one trying to seduce my mama?

I'm Pastor Hill from New Faith Baptist.

A man of a cloth?

Shame on you.

I'm afraid there's some misunderstanding.

Oh, you bet there's a misunderstanding. This is a married woman, despite this

drag queen hair.

Can I help you?

I'm Veretta Childs. I'm here to see Hank.

Veretta, I'm Hank's daughter, Olivia.

Daddy was counting on seeing you.

Well, I'm Tony.

I'm her daughter. My daddy will kick your daddy bad.

Excuse me.

My daddy passed away.

Oh, my bad. Knockin' doses.

He passed away?

He just wrote me this letter.

He passed last night.

He was sick. He reached out to a lot of people.

None of us expected him to slip away so quickly.

What?

Hank's... Hank's dead?

Y 'all got to give me a minute.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you on the list?

What list?

One you're obviously not on.

Back to the line.

What line?

The one you're about ready to start.

Hello, Mr. Denton. Avery, I believe your table's ready. You can go right in.

Wait a minute. You're letting him in?

He's on the list.

Well, can we at least wait at the bar?

Of course.

You on the list?

This is crazy.

We're going next door.

William. This is so great.

If we keep turning people away like this, soon they're going to be knocking

the door to get in here.

I know.

Do you remember my assistant, Avery? Oh, of course I do.

Hello, Avery. Thank you so much for helping us out.

Helping Mr. Dent is my life's work. If Mr. Dent asks me to jump, I would ask,

how high?

Well, Mr. Dent and I need you to laugh.

How hard?

Very hard.

Too hard.

I need you to laugh with an air of confidence, not desperation.

Something like this.

That's perfect.

You're going to be working with Suzanne.

She's just over here.

I need the two of you to create an air of sophisticated frivolity with a hint

of haute cuisine hijinks.

I don't believe I've ever met Suzanne.

Oh, I met her today myself at the movie. She has an infectious laugh.

Give them a taste, Suzanne.

Genius!

Now, when that door opens, I want to hear a... symphony of laughter that

crescendos into the clinking of glass.

Oh, this promises to be an evening most festive.

Are you on the list? Are you on frat?

Oh, thank God you're here. I've got a huge problem with Veretta.

What the hell are they laughing at? They're working for me. They're trying

create some mom bells.

your help. Oh, and I need your help too. It's about the restaurant.

Fine, who goes first?

Rock, paper, scissors.

I win.

So, Joan, listen.

My mama came to town to have an affair.

But then she couldn't because he died and now she's crying and I don't have

sympathy for her because she's going to cheat on my daddy.

What should I do?

Have sympathy for her. She's your mother.

And someone she knew passed away. She has no one else to talk to. You need to

there for her.

You're right, Joan. Thank you.

Great. Now my turn. Oh, sorry, gotta go. Don't have time.

Wait, Tori, what about me?

You think after 20 years you'll stop picking rock?

Okay,

Mama.

I'm here.

I'm ready to be sympathetic.

Now explain your hoochiness.

First of all, Tony, I love your daddy with all my heart.

And I wasn't going to have sex with Hank. I couldn't do that to Eugene.

But I loved Hank before I ever knew your daddy. I don't want to hear about you

loving that man.

But I did. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You couldn't have.

Why is it so impossible for me to love two men in one lifetime?

Because you're my mama.

Well, you're about to become a mama.

And if I recall, you loved up two men in one night and got some sort of venereal

disease.

Mama, I told you that in the privacy of the therapist's office. That wasn't

supposed to leave the room.

And besides, we're not talking about me. We're talking about you and Hank.

Tony, the day I met your daddy, all sweaty and fine, pitching hay with those

swole -up arms, I knew he was the one.

Swole -up arms?

I thought you said daddy was always a slender fella.

Oh, he was, but he tangled with a beehive the day before.

The point is, the day I met your daddy, I broke it off with Hank and broke his

heart. Okay.

If you love Daddy so much, why did you run down here to see Hank?

Because I couldn't help but wonder about the road not taken.

A week ago, I got this letter from Hank saying he never stopped thinking about

me. And damn it, that's flattering.

Somebody out there carrying a torch for the pretty sweet little girl that I was.

You know.

Before I started drinking.

Before I had seven kids.

Before I sickened up places I never intended to.

Daddy loves all that. I know that.

I just want to relive a few memories.

All I got is this damn letter.

I wanted to see in his eyes what he saw then.

I just want it to feel 16 again.

That's all.

Your daddy would never understand that.

But as a woman, I hope you can.

I'm sorry he didn't get to see you looking all pretty, Mama.

Oh, goodness.

Now let me clarify, Veretta.

As a woman, I understand.

But as daddy's daughter, I'm still telling. Oh, hammer.

What I got to do to hush you up?

For starters, you can make me another Frito pie at the first one burn up.

And I still want my socket to me cake and... Get to singing.

Swing low, sweet chariot.

That's your bluesy of a grandma singing an old negro spiritual.

Sweet, sweet chariot coming for to carry

me home.

We're all closed for the evening. All right. But I could have laughed all

and still have begged for more.

Well, that certainly was a successful evening, William.

Who are you telling?

I must have turned away 200 people a night.

Excuse me, sir.

Not that I would ever question your wisdom, but if each of those 200 people

ordered just one glass of wine in your cheapest place, wouldn't it have been a

more successful evening?