Original subtitles

Hey, um, I should probably let you know before the bill comes. I only have three

bucks on me.

Why didn't you say something before you ordered a $12 salad?

Because then I wouldn't be eating a $12 salad. Hello?

Lynn? I finally found you!

Lisa?

this place looking for you.

Hey, guys, this is Lisa, Lenny's mom. Remember Lenny, who dated?

Oh, yeah, that grunge ball who looked like your brother.

No offense, Mama.

None taken.

And he is a little grunchy.

And right now, my little grunge ball is going through a very rough patch.

Oh, really? Why? What's wrong with him?

You broke his heart.

You were the one, his soulmate.

That's why I wanted to talk to you. Would you consider going out with Lenny

again? Does Lenny know you're doing this? Of course he does. He's dangling

the San Pedro Bridge right now waiting for your answer.

Well, I guess it would be nice to sit with Lenny again. Wonderful. Great. All

right. You'll meet tomorrow night at the Arclight for an 8 .30 movie.

Tickets will be at will call.

I can't wait to tell Lenny.

And I can't wait to tell Jerry Springer because y 'all know y 'all are brother

and sister.

I'm ready for you, Daddy.

I got your whipped cream right here.

And I got some hot chocolate for you to put it on.

Where's that hot chocolate?

Right here, waiting for your cream.

Mmm.

All right.

Here's your style section.

Thank you.

I think I'll start with the funny.

Just as I had predicted.

Turtlenecks have made a comeback.

You're very fashion forward. I like to think so.

Ah, Kathy.

You always keep it real.

enter a woman's boudoir when she's with her man.

What man? You? You're William.

I'm just glad y 'all did the deed. Now let's go before all the good wickers go.

We haven't done anything.

This is our Sunday morning ritual.

We lie in bed, we sip cocoa, and we read the paper.

I'll let Darnell sip my cocoa.

We ended up with Jabari.

Get your mind out of the gutter. We're just playing out an old -fashioned

courtship with some pajamas and a little Swiss myth.

Is that so wrong?

Who doesn't miss?

Y 'all had a threesome with a white girl.

Okay, we are not going to have sex.

We are sticking to our three -month rule.

Okay, Joan, that's just crazy, okay? The point of a three -month rule is to get

to know each other. Y 'all have known each other for five years. Now go on and

get it on. We'll wait in the next room.

You guys don't even kiss in front of us.

Hell, Jabari and his little fast girlfriend do more than y 'all do.

Yeah, what is it with you two?

Hiding out in your pajamas in a bathroom?

Y 'all need to go public.

Tell the world, you know, claim it.

Show other lonely, empathetic people that they can find love, too.

Just because we don't flaunt our love doesn't mean that we don't love... our

love. Okay, the fact that you don't flaunt your love... says you have major

issues okay but i don't have time to sit here and dissect your dysfunction i'm

trying to get down to that flea market and if i miss out on some antique baby

furniture one of you is going down going down y 'all don't know nothing

about that dustin hoffman

Jujubee. Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Hey, man.

Popcorn?

Lisa, what are you doing here?

Where's Lenny?

Oh, he couldn't make it.

Nachos?

So he sent you?

Well, actually, he could have made it. But he hates you.

thinks he hates you. But don't worry, I'm working on him. Fruit candy?

Okay, look, Lisa, I'm a real sucker for overpriced movie treats, but this is

starting to get weird.

I mean, what's going on?

Where's my soda?

You hurt his feelings, but it's nothing we can't fix.

Just call him and apologize.

I did when we broke up.

Then call him again and again and again until you work this out.

Hey, Lisa, you're starting to scare me a little bit.

Well, you should be scared.

Scared of being alone in this big, bad world without your soulmate.

Lenny is perfect for you, but you went and wrecked true love with that crazy

notion about him being your brother.

Okay, fine, maybe I did wreck it, but clearly he doesn't want to see me, so

are you pursuing this? Because I want my son to be happy, and you can make him

happy. Just call him and tell him how... Sorry you are. Tell him you're

desperate and lonely and miserable without him.

I'd be lying.

No, honey.

You'd be groveling.

Just bear in mind, he's a sucker for a quiver in the voice and the promise of a

little kink.

But don't tell him I told you. I'm not supposed to know.

Liza Minnelli.

Kelly Savalas?

I'm thinking Mexican.

Oh, I was just thinking a salad.

No.

Don't be one of those salad -eating girlfriends.

One of the reasons I was attracted to you is because you're not afraid to eat

carbs with gusto.

Okay, so can I have fries with my salad?

Kind of sick.

Okay. And bread pudding?

Oh, there's my girl.

William,

why don't we do that?

I and Tony are right.

We don't show our love to the world. Well, what's wrong with us?

Nothing that we can't fix.

Let's go public.

Okay. How do you want to display our affection?

A little kiss?

Maybe a little tongue?

A little groping of the ass?

Okay, I was just thinking that we should hold hands and walk.

All right.

Holding hands is an old PDA classic.

Let's give it a shot.

Okay.

I think we should do the interwoven fingers. It's more romantic.

Ah, yeah. Spread them.

Okay.

This is kind of nice.

Okay, that's kind of nice.

The happy couple. Yeah.

Hey, everybody, get a load of the happy couple.

Just a -walking down the street, PBA -ing it up to beat the band.

So good to see you. You remember William?

Hey, man.

What's up?

I don't know.

Joan, what's up?

You look amazing.

Of course, you always looked amazing.

But you're glowing.

What's going on in your life?

Gosh, where do I start? I quit the law firm.

What? Yeah, and I'm opening a restaurant.

Where? On 3rd. You know what? I should invite you to the opening.

Please do.

I'd love to help you celebrate.

Yeah. Oh, my God. You know what? I almost forgot.

I got rid of that itchy couch that you hated.

Actually, totally redecorated.

You know, I mean, I know it's weird, you know, with me being unemployed and all,

but... Oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry. Hey, yeah, it's me. No, I'm on my way.

Okay.

It's my lunch date. I gotta go.

We should, um, get together sometime.

I'd like that.

Oh.

See you later, beautiful.

Yeah. And, um, stay up.

What was nothing, Joan?

The fact that you dropped my hand or the fact that you didn't tell him I was

your man?

Oh, God, what are you talking about, William? I totally acknowledged you. Oh,

yeah, you remember William.

That's not an acknowledgement. That's an afterthought. Okay, you're being a

little sensitive.

You were engaged to him, Joan.

Okay, so now that we're a couple, I can't acknowledge someone that I once

married? Why didn't you tell him I was your boyfriend?

I didn't have a chance. His phone...

All you had to say when he asked you what was going on in your life was

Not restaurant, not couch. Okay, I was going to mention us, but I was looking

for a gentle way to do it. I mean, clearly, Brock isn't over me, and I

want to rub it in his face that I've moved on with my life.

I don't care about his feelings for you, John.

I just care about your feelings for him.

I don't have feelings for him.

Whatever.

Oh, no, you didn't just whatever me and walk away. I'm not going to fight with

you in public, John.

so we'll just fight in private like we do everything else.

God.

Okay, ladies, show's over. Get a life.

Whatever. Oh, no, you didn't just whatever me and walk away. What is your

problem?

Okay, ladies, this is the stemware that I've chosen for the restaurant.

Notice the rose undertones, the hint of gold.

Do you see the...

thematic effect i'm going for whatever oh no you didn't just whatever me while

am trying to show you the color palette of old madrid what old madrid are you

going for what the inquisition because this is torture we want to know what's

with you and william what are you talking about i ran into william not a

hour ago when i asked him where you were he said i don't care what that bitch is

he called me a bitch no he said she i was just reading between the lines

with you two.

Okay. You guys, am I wrong? Yeah.

I don't even need to hear the rest.

Seriously.

Okay.

William and I were walking and holding hands, which, by the way, proves that we

are affectionate in public.

Anyway, um, we saw Brock.

So I had to drop William's hand so that I could hug and kiss my former fiancé,

which is only right and proper.

Joan.

Joan.

Joan.

You are finally with a man that you might actually meet at the altar, and

and screw it up if you screw anything up.

William totally misconstrued the whole situation.

Come on, you know how insecure he is.

You still care about Brock.

No, I don't.

Then why can't you hold William's hand in front of Brock? Huh? Why can't you

have a normal relationship?

Why do you covertly...

Okay.

I admit that there is a part of me that will always love Brock.

I knew it. But that doesn't mean that I haven't moved on, because I have.

I love William now.

No, you don't. Do to. Do not. Do to. Do not. Do to. Your mama. Your mama.

Okay, look, look.

All right, say Brock calls you.

Okay, and says that he wants children.

But he doesn't. No, say he does.

But he doesn't. Say he does.

But he doesn't. I said say he does!

Okay, he does.

Okay, who's it going to be?

Brock or William?

William.

Definitely William. What do I have to say to make you two believe me?

Joan, you don't have to convince us.

Go and convince William.

The reason I asked you here is because something got horribly misconstrued the

other day and I feel like we should lay it to rest.

I'm in a relationship with William.

William who?

Dent.

The guy I was with yesterday.

Okay, and?

And you noticed my glow.

Well, he's the reason why.

And... I fail to mention that, but with all the excitement about my restaurant

and the sofa and all.

So you invited me to lunch to tell me that you're dating another man.

Are you trying to hurt me?

No, I just, I felt like I owed it to you to tell you in person.

So, now you know.

Good luck, God bless, and goodbye.

You still have feelings for me.

No, I don't. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Then why are we here? We're here

because... Okay, um... Okay, I do.

Of course I do. Because when you love somebody, you just... Okay, look, um...

I will always have fond feelings for you, Brock.

But my heart is with William now.

Are you settling?

Excuse me?

Joan, what we had was a physical and spiritual connection, which happens once

a lifetime if you're lucky.

You said it yourself.

It was enchanted.

But you and William? Come on. I mean, he's a good brother and all, but I

thought of him like the fifth girlfriend.

William is a very good man.

No disagreement, but he's not the one for you.

Why? Because he's not you?

What makes him so special?

Oh, he's going to give you some kids.

You know, I said what we had was enchanted.

But I was wrong.

Because the person I thought I loved would never say something like that to

You know what, Brock?

Next time we run into each other, which it seems like we always do, let's just

wait and move on.

You know what?

Let's not even wait.

Thanks for meeting me.

Isn't it fun getting together like this?

Lisa, we need to talk. I know.

So, what happened with you and Lenny?

Should I book a caterer? Are you ready to talk honeymoon?

Well, we met, talked, shared a few laughs.

And? And then he introduced me to his wife.

Isn't she awful?

Cater, but love you.

So, We need to plot and plan.

What's our next move?

Next move?

Lisa, your son's married.

Lynn, people die.

Lisa.

Look, when I first met you, I thought we really connected.

I really had hoped you'd be my daughter -in -law.

Well, you know, I like you too.

But you're just going to have to accept that this is not going to happen between

me and Lenny.

I see.

Did I mention Lenny has a brother?

And a sister.

I'm very open -minded.

Is this seat

taken?

They're already sitting there.

Watch my clever opening.

I'm sorry.

Here's mine.

Here is mine.

Which one of y 'all has my 20?

I have 10.

Oh, great.

Fingers to slap you with. Bye.

Oh, okay. Wait a minute. Now, girl, come here, buddy.

Pal. Grab them plates, honey. Get to scrubbing.

They're options.

Oh yeah, and bring 20 bucks.