All language subtitles for Girlfriends s05e06 Too Big for Her Britches

Kelly, starting a business is a huge
undertaking.

This restaurant thing is wearing me out.
Yeah, well, try being pregnant.

This baby's wearing me out. Yeah, well,
try being friends with you two

complaining half as y 'all are wearing
me out.

What the hell? Lynn, what are you doing?

I found my latest passion. I'm a
paparazzi.

Uh, Lynn, excuse me. Isn't that my
camera?

Yeah.

You could have asked to borrow it.

Could have.

Oh, it's good to ask to borrow your
watch.

Got to go. Never mind.

I have time. Cheap piece of crap.

Quick, move to the left.

My left.

Well, maybe you can keep pictures with
him. He's not a celebrity.

Sure it is. It's the little boy from Al.

Al? I thought that show had to go on for
like, what, 20 years? Yeah, I mean, the

pump is working again, but nobody wants
a picture of that grown -ass boy.

Actually, it would be perfect for this
new magazine I heard about called People

Who Used To Be People.

Order for me.

I spoke to Intervision Press, and they
loved your rewriting. Oh, my God!

They put Oh, Hell Yes on the fast track.
Oh, my God!

Maya, that's not all.

I don't get my client the ice cream
without getting some jimmies.

Jimmies? Boy, I don't know you like
that.

No, jimmies. The chocolate sprinkles on
top of the ice cream. It means I got you

more. It's a simile. Oh, no, you mean a
metaphor.

Exactly. You see, Maya, that's why this
relationship works. You and I, we speak

the same language, metaphors, similes.
Money.

Exactly. I don't have to butter you up.

Intervision Press loves you. So I told
them, well, we need a gesture on their

part to demonstrate the depth of their
love. Uh -huh. Show me to Jimmy. Show me

to Jimmy. Yeah. And Maya, they did. They
prepared to offer you a three -book

deal. Shut up!

closet full of those wraparound skirts
for fat -ass girls?

Remind me when I'm not so busy starting
a business to kick your ass.

No! Seriously, I can't even fit into my
black Prada capris and they're 2 %

spandex. Tony, you're pregnant.

What'd you think? You were gonna be able
to carry your baby in a tote bag?

Is that an option?

Tony. What?

It'll be Gucci. You know I love my baby.

Tony, get a grip. You went from a
side... one to a one and a half. The

that can tell you're pregnant is you.
Exactly.

Exactly. Everybody else thinks I'm fat.
Nobody thinks you're fat.

Yes, they do. I see the way they're
looking at me.

Same way you're looking at me.

I'm looking at you like you're crazy.

Crazy fat.

Joan, you're not getting it. You know
the women in my family, after one baby,

they're on fat disability.

I don't have time for this, okay? Get
out of my face.

girl panty.

Where'd you get yours from?

Yes, a three -boat deal.

I don't know, Mommy. Mm -hmm. I'm
thinking Santa Clarita or Calabasas. You

girl, I've always fantasized about
living in one of those fancy gated

communities. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. No, I'm serious.

Satellite TV. Anyway, yeah, you know, I
might give me some TiVo, but I don't

want...

to call you back. William is tripping
again.

I don't know something about work, but
I'll call you right back. You know how

is. No, it won't be long.

Better be good.

Did you prove this?

I always do.

Then read it to me.

Ash... Flaubert... Gervet...

Blagohort.

fingers might have slipped off the home
row. You know, I mean, I was doing my

nails. You need to retype that A -S -A
-P.

Or, in your parlance, would be F -D -S
-O.

Well, William, that's gonna have to wait
until tomorrow, okay? Because I'm off

the clock.

Well, then you're gonna have to do it
for free.

Get typing.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, William.

I told you that I have three books to
outline.

Intervision Press has given me a three
-book deal.

Great! Whoopee! I couldn't be happier.

But when you're here, you work for me.

Maya, we've been over this a thousand
times. Good God, woman, I even put you

probation.

Yeah, I bet you wish you hadn't already
played that card.

You ain't got nowhere to go.

How about we go here?

You're fired.

Boy, you funny.

I'm serious, Maya.

You're fired.

You and I both know that you are more
than just a little bit scared of me.

Okay? So what we're going to do is we're
going to pretend that this whole thing

never happened. And I'm going to get to
this when I get to it.

I just want to point out to you that I
am calling security not because I'm

afraid of you, but because it's standard
procedure in these situations.

You're firing me. Hold that thought.

I have a code for situation.

On the 28th floor.

You're firing me? Please hurry.

You know what, William?

You don't have to fire me.

Because my heart hasn't been into this
job.

And lately, my head hasn't been in it.
And you know what? My ass ain't in it.

Because I quit.

So you don't want to collect
unemployment?

I am so fired, boo.

You've been pregnant, and your body
never completely bounced back from

your host of fat.

So, tell me what you did so I could do
the opposite.

Tony, remind me when I'm not so focused
on my riding career to kick your ass.

Uh, don't let this baby belly fool you.
I'll wear you out.

Oh, my God. Oh, no, you can see it, too.
My hips are spread.

I gotta call my agent.

Why? What's he gonna do for my hair?
Would you shut up?

Hi, yes, this is Maya Wilkes. I need to
speak to Tim Carnowich, please.

Lynn! What? Hey, Maya, what's up?

So what are you doing there?

Uh, I work here.

Since when?

Since I met Tim at your party.

We dated for a while, and we broke up.

We parted first.

Now I think we're in a really good
place.

Well, at least I am. I don't know about
him.

Anyway, he needed a temp, and I was
free.

Turns out this place is a goldmine for
my paparazzi business, girl.

The other day, I got a picture of Scott
Baio in the junk.

Let's just say I had to use my wide
angle.

Okay, I don't give a damn about any of
that, okay? Would you just put Tim on

phone?

I'm sorry, he's out to lunch. Can I take
a message?

Let me ask him lunch. It's 10 .30 in the
morning.

I'm sorry, did I say lunch? He's in a
meeting.

He quit playing and put me through.

I'm sorry. He's gone for the day. We'll
be in touch.

Lynn! Lynn!

Lynn.

Oh, yes. May I help you?

I need to speak to him.

And you are?

About to go off.

Oh, my God. You must be the infamous
Maya Wilk.

Pleasure to meet you in person. We've
only spoken over the phone.

Lynn? Could you please get me Tim,
please? I told you.

He's gone for the day.

That's why this relationship works,
because you and I, we speak the same

language. Now, go on home, knock out
those rewrites, and I'll work on getting

you some jimmies.

It's a metaphor.

Look, it's Tim's twin brother, Tom.

Hey, Maya.

Stop playing me. Yeah, Lynn, stop
playing her.

I don't want Maya to think that we're
giving her the runaround here. Come on.

What about to give Maya the runaround
memo?

Not this, Maya.

Maya, I was just about to Clay to tell
you to talk to Lynn and schedule

something. But since you're here, let's
cut out the middleman. Talk to Lynn.

Schedule something. I'm in a meeting.

Wait. Clay.

Okay, Maya.

Let's see. I'm looking at February.

How are you, Morton?

Could you please stop it?

Please.

Could you please stop being an assistant
for one minute and be my friend?

Okay, girl, I need to know what's going
on. Please.

Wait, am I still going to get my three
-book deal?

Okay, look, Maya, I am just the temp
here, okay? Nobody tells me anything. I

don't have all the information, but...
No, girl, you ain't going to get it.

Okay.

Okay, well, what about my second check
from Oh Hell Yes?

When can I start expecting that?

Well, you can start expecting it right
now.

Oh, thank God.

But it ain't going to come.

that I was negligent in my duties as
your assistant, and that my attitude and

vocabulary were both very inappropriate
and totally uncalled for, and I cannot

blame you for firing me.

But now, on this day, I have come in
here with a brand -new attitude, a

work ethic, and my rent a very real
issue.

I was hoping that we could wipe the
slate clean.

You know, start fresh.

Begin anew.

Try to get that feeling again.

Maya, I know it took a lot for you to
come in here today. Yes, it did.

Especially with you being on the
security watch list.

And I accept your apology.

Thank you.

William, I'll just go right downstairs
and get my things. They're in the car

I can start right away. I'd love to help
you out.

I really would, but I've already hired
your replacement.

Okay. Well, then just let her go.

Well, that's not going to happen for two
reasons.

One, she's a he.

Two, he's flawless.

I love him. He changed my life. I didn't
know it could be like this.

Come on, William. Okay, no one can be
that great.

The hell?

Avery, could we... Yes, Mr. Dent.

Avery, I'd like you to meet Maya. Hello,
Maya. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Uh -huh, whatever.

Avery, how's that memo? Memo to the
managing partners.

Awaiting your signature, then ready to
go out.

Excellent, excellent.

And, uh, have you... Updated the
prospective clients list. You'll find a

your Lotus Notes, and I cc'd all the
senior partners as you requested.

Well done.

Um, how about my own... Your afternoon
donut?

Still warm.

Avery, you are... The best.

Please, I'm just doing my job.

Okay, new task.

I need this typed, proofed, collated,
stapled, and distributed by three o

'clock. Can you do it? Oh, hell yes.

Oh, hell no.

Oh, no, it's a book. Oh, hell yes.

I found a copy of it in one of my
drawers.

It's amazing.

It seems like it was written for black
women, and yet I totally relate it.

I feel like I can conquer the world.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a brief
to prepare and distribute all up and

through.

You know how I do.

Isn't he just the bee's maid?

So, that's why I was in such shock when
I saw my body in the mirror.

It's no longer the...

Sculpted masterpiece at once, wasn't it?

Oh, I hear you, girl.

You do?

Mm -hmm. Oh, thank God one of my
girlfriends finally understands.

Unlike those few other self -centered
hags who call themselves my friends.

Connie, what is it you're afraid of?

Stretch mark?

Wide hips? Sagging breasts?

You know what?

I guess I'm afraid that I won't be
fabulous.

After the baby's born.

And if I don't have my fabulous, then
what do I have left?

You know what?

I know this beautiful spiritual chant
that will put your mind at ease about

the changes that are going on inside
your body. Great, great. What is it?

um, you just repeat.

Dustin?

Dustin? Dustin?

Dustin?

Okay, Tony, that was not the chant. I'm
working.

Dustin!

start a new business?

Why do I smell bacon?

No, girl, do an extra.

I'm sorry. You sound like you need a
hug. What about me? I need a hug.

You need to drain yourself in a Folgers

can.

You know what? Get her a little greasy
ass.

What am I going to do?

Why don't you just hire her?

You need help with your stupid business.
She needs a stupid job.

It's actually a really good idea.

Of course it is.

the kind I have.

I do need help.

I mean, what do you... Maya, are you
interested?

I don't know. Well, I can only hire you
part -time and there wouldn't be any

benefits, but at least we'd be back
together.

Well, it's either that or slit my wrist.

So, Maya, what do you think?

The Brazilian red or the Venetian ruby?

Uh, I don't know.

Girl, I'm kind of liking the
Brazilian... You're right. Oh, God,

is perfect.

Can you write that down so I don't
forget?

Okay.

You know, Joan, I've had some ideas
about the upholstery for the booth, and

was thinking... Oh, you know what?

Maya, I totally forgot that I have a
meeting tomorrow. I am out of mascara.

Can you get me some of this?

It's the Maybelline New York XXL Volume
Plus Length. This is what it looks like.

And you're telling me this because...
Because I want you to buy me some. Here.

And don't forget to drop off my dry
cleaning.

Remember, no crease in the slacks, no
plastic on the shirts, and no wire

hangers. Ever. Ha!

Shouldn't you be writing this down?

to see how my investment is shaping up.

Your investment is shaping up just fine.
Now move on.

Your Jedi mind tricks have no effect on
me.

Still haven't found a job yet, Ma?

Oh, no, of course I found a job. I'm
working for John.

Crawford.

And she is a godsend. I don't know where
I'd be without her.

As an investor in this business, I feel
I have the right to ask you how you can

afford an assistant.

I can afford... afford an assistant with
your investment.

All right, hold it there.

So you're telling me that once again I'm
paying Maya not to do work for me?

That's right.

I'll teach you to fire me, won't I?

Watch it, Sassy.

I happen to have a little good news for
you. Oh, what? Did Super Assistant die?

Well, if he did, he'd still be twice the
assistant you were.

I called your publisher, threw around
some of my legal know -how.

And I got the rights to your book back.

I also got you your second check. For
real, William?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Give me your book.

Oh, thank you. Oh, my God.

William, that is so great.

And it's perfect timing, too, because,
Maya, I need you to go by the bank for

me.

honest with you, okay?

My heart hasn't really been into this
job.

And my head hasn't been into it either.
And I'm an assing in it because I quit.

So why don't you go and take your little
XXL and as for your dry cleaning, you

know what you can do with your dry
hangers, okay? Because I'm free.

And by the by, pick a new color.

We're opening a restaurant, not a
whorehouse.

I'm waiting to hear back from NASA, but
I'll put you in second position.