Original subtitles

have any spare change, and I'm trying to study right now, okay?

Thank you.

Hey,

it's fine. I'm fine. Thank you.

Moving along, R2.

Lynn?

Lynn?

Oh, my God, girl. What the hell is going on?

Oh, my God.

Lynn?

What's going on? Have you lost your mind?

No.

I'm fine.

You're not fine. You're a crazy -ass robot.

Crazy -ass robot with 50 cents.

when I thought I was getting a promotion. And then I quit, but I

the hell? I'm going to keep it because I believe in myself. And then I started

to doubt myself. And that's when I ordered all this other stuff to cheer

up. So, what do you think?

I'm thinking you're unemployed.

But it's beautiful, right? And it's going to look beautiful in your box

underneath the freeway.

Girl, don't listen to her. It looks fabulous.

Except for this stupid easel. What the hell is this about? Uh -uh.

That's the other half of my big announcement, which I'm not going to

until everybody gets here. Look, everyone who counts is here. And Maya.

Lynn is not here.

She is.

Hey, Joan, thanks for letting me borrow your car.

Anybody know how to get body paint out of car leather?

Lynn! What? I put gas in it. Here's your gas card.

Wow.

Lynn, what is this business about you being a robot?

I'm in the robot business.

It's pretty self -explanatory.

I've been planning a business plan for my business that I plan on opening, if

all goes according to plan.

Ladies, yes, I ask you, what is the one need that everyone has?

Sleep. Sex. Money.

Exactly.

Food.

And ladies, I ask you, what is the food that people are most excited about?

Heaven. Vegetarian. Sushi.

Exactly.

Tapas.

Ladies, I reveal to you the hottest new night spot slash

tapas restaurant slash bar.

Jones Place.

Let's go in, shall we?

As you can see, it combines all of my passions. Design, eating appetizers, and

entertaining.

You do realize that 90 % of all restaurants fail in the first year?

this down if you would. The biggest mistake that most businesses make is

undercapitalizing. But I am not going to make that mistake. If you'll turn to

page 32, you will notice that I have allowed for every contingency, from the

fluctuating cost of ahi tuna to the frequency of INS raids. All I know is

Jones Place is a terrible name.

I mean, it sounds so boring, Joan's place.

Just saying it makes me want to fall asleep.

See?

Tony! What?

Oh, girl, I'm sorry. This pregnancy's wearing me out.

Joan, um, you know, I don't know much about business, but I do know what

like as a boss, and are you sure, sweetie, that you want to unleash all of

craziness with employees with actually sharp nuts?

Okay, here I am, making the most important announcement of my life, and

you can be supportive. Oh, like you were when I opened my real estate office? Or

when I wrote my book? Or when I wanted to open a jet ski business in Jamaica?

Then, don't help.

Okay, so, maybe I wasn't that supportive.

But you guys all followed your dreams anyway, which is what I'm gonna do with

Joan's Cantina.

Joan's Cantina.

Jones Hut?

Wait, you need to start planning as Jones.

Why not yourself?

I hate

awkward silence.

I'm done with small talk. You?

Oh, William. Great tie. Really stunning.

Oh.

Gets it up to the senior partner, eh?

Good choice.

And it looks great with that suit.

It's either belief.

That's good advice.

I can learn so much from you.

Better, better.

What you got?

I've got, um... You must be excited about Joan's new restaurant.

I was going to say that. But you didn't. Brown noser. Primer.

London restaurant.

Oh. Don't you know?

We just thought that you did.

You two being best friends and all. She's opening a new restaurant. She came

us for help incorporating.

We just assumed that you knew.

Oh. That restaurant.

Well, of course I know about that restaurant. Joan and I are best friends,

Pete's sake. When you said new restaurant, I thought maybe she was

another restaurant somewhere else, you know.

But the restaurant you're talking about, I could hardly call that new.

Certainly not new to me.

No, I've known about that restaurant forever.

Why in the hell didn't you tell me you were going to open a restaurant?

Okay, William, I'm going to open a restaurant.

It's a little late now.

I had to find out from two lowly junior partners.

Sitting there like Bobo the Fool.

It's Boo Boo the Fool.

What? Why didn't you tell me it was Boo Boo the Fool?

I've been going around all year saying Bobo the Fool.

And you got new furniture?

Ain't this a blop?

William,

what is this about?

It's about the fact that we're supposed to be friends. You've got all this stuff

going on in your life. Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

Maybe the same reason you didn't tell me you and Monica got back together.

When was I supposed to tell you? I didn't get back together with her until

you turned me down.

Exactly. Right after I turned you down.

Don't you think that's a little bit weird?

Well, I'm sorry. How long am I supposed to wait after you jilt me to get on with

my life?

Six months.

I don't know.

Maybe a year if everything you said wasn't a big fat lie.

Look, you made it perfectly clear to me that you weren't interested.

So why do you care how long I wait? I just think that it's a little bit odd to

tell someone that you love them and then the next minute you're with somebody

else. It's disrespectful.

I mean, a person wants to be pined away for for a little bit.

It helps the ego.

You're crazier than a soup sandwich.

I'm crazy.

I'm crazy. And you're not crazy?

Oh, okay. So one minute it's just...

No, it's called getting on with my life. No, it's twisted and perverse, you ass.

You know, not getting together with you was the best thing that ever happened to

me. Boy, I really dodged a bullet.

You.

You. You dodged a bullet.

You wanted me.

I rejected you.

Well, thanks.

want is to stay the hell away from you. You do that and I'll be eternally in

your debt. I just want nothing to do with you. And I don't even want to be

friend anymore.

The favors you do me keep piling up.

here, right? And then the hostess will stand here and she will greet all the

patrons. And then there'll be like a couch here where the overflow is because

the restaurant will be so crowded.

Tony!

Wake up!

Did I fall asleep again?

I can't believe this little parasite is leeching all my energy from me. What a

sweet way to refer to your baby. I don't want to spoil the child.

What do you think?

Great location. Great ambiance.

Tony, it's amazing.

This is it.

This is the place. I mean, can't you hear it calling my name?

No, it's calling the restaurant's name. It's saying, Jones Joint.

No, it ain't.

You're right. It ain't.

Tony, I really love this space.

Well, you better act fast. I have two other people interested.

Well, can't you stall them?

I could, but I won't. Business is business. Put up or shut up.

have this kind of cash right now.

Oh, well.

But I will in 30 days when my loan comes through. Joan, this place will be long

gone by then.

You have got to act by tomorrow.

Can't you be on my side?

I am, girl. I could lease this place today.

Come on, we've looked at 10 different places and this place is perfect. This

it. It's Joan's house.

Club?

you get an investor i don't know anyone with this kind of money tony no not

william come on especially not after yesterday joan he's got the money i've

his tax return how have you seen his tax return i subscribe to this service i

can see anybody's tax return it's all in the up and up it is no wait a minute

what's that other thing oh yeah it's on the down low that's it oh god this

pregnancy is making me tired and it's screwing with my brain it's like My

memory's totally shot.

Who are we talking about?

William.

Give me that.

I don't care how much money William has. I'd give up my dream and go back to

selling hot dogs at Wienersdickel before I go crawling to him for money.

Tony.

Tony.

Tony.

Tony. Tony.

William.

What are you doing here?

We're having lunch.

We are?

Uh, yeah.

Why?

What's going on with you?

Oh, this pregnancy.

Apparently, it leads to short -term memory loss.

Well, you said you had some matter of urgency you needed to discuss with me.

Right.

Oh, this pregnancy.

Apparently, it leads to short -term memory loss.

I believe it had something to do with an investment. Investment? Of course,

William. I have an investment opportunity for you that you're going to

jump at.

Well, your timing is perfect.

So I'm looking for a good investment. What is it? It's an investment

for you that you're going to want to jump in.

Now, given that you're a realtor, perhaps it has something to do with

Property, of course, William.

There's a commercial property available for a steal.

You could buy it, hold on to it for about a few months, and then flip it for

huge profit.

Then I have to see the property first.

And you will.

When you remember where it is.

Exactly.

I found you an investor for your restaurant. Yes, I did. So, you're going

able to lease that space we saw after all.

Oh, my God. That's great.

Who?

Obviously, some sucker who was born yesterday and fell off the turnip truck

today.

Anyway, we're going to meet him there tomorrow. He wants to take a look at it,

but it's just a formality.

Girl, you are in.

Not really.

Tony, who is it? Oh, baby, no one you know.

It isn't William, is it? Okay, Joan, please.

You told me you didn't want to go to William, so I would never do that.

This is just one of my clients who thinks I'm cute and does anything that I

I don't know why I didn't marry him.

Because you're married to Todd. Right, Todd.

And we're not happy, are we?

I should keep a pen in this other guy.

Wow.

This is really gonna happen.

I'm really going to be able to open Joan's tapas table.

Chair?

Stool?

Oh, girl, please. You know, I don't know much about the restaurant business, but

I'm not eating anywhere with the word stool in the name.

Lynn,

what are you doing?

My 5 o 'clock tour.

What 5 o 'clock tour?

The one that comes after my 4 o 'clock tour.

What would these people want to see my house for?

I'm embellishing a little.

Don't go back to your apartment for an hour.

I don't know.

Do you think Lynn's behavior has to do with her meeting her birth father?

You know what?

Her birth mother is a bipolar schizophrenic who reads Cabot. What?

Cabot ain't crazy.

Now, that's good business, Jo.

That's what you need to be doing instead of that crazy tapas bull joint.

Maya, we were talking about Lynn.

Oh, yeah.

One nut at a time.

I mean, girl, come on, let's face it. Crazy is genetic.

I mean, we've all been preparing for this day.

You know, Lynn first playing iRobot, then tour guide.

You know, maybe we shouldn't have come down here without some kind of jacket.

At least a nut.

No, Maya, we need to approach her gingerly. You know, we can't be

confrontational. We've got to let her know that we're here for her.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, God. Okay, remember, we have to be nice, okay? Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Okay.

Right, right. Nice.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

What the hell is with you, you stupid bitch? You look like a damn fool.

Maya. Maya.

Lynn, it's us.

We're here because we care.

We want to help you.

Talk to us.

She won't talk to him. I should pay her.

Well, I'm not going to pay my friend to talk to me.

Lynn, I just want to know that you're okay.

Fine, fine, fine, fine.

Here.

Okay, Lynn.

What is going on?

You were doing fine as a documentary filmmaker, and we thought you'd figured

what you really wanted to do.

The next thing you know, you're a street performer and a tour guide.

Sweetheart, did something happen when you met your birth father?

As a matter of fact, Joan, something did happen.

I... Pass me my money.

I finally found the last piece of the puzzle about my past.

I know. You told us that meeting him freed you to accept who you are, which

why I don't understand.

But that's just it, Joan.

I finally realized that... This is who

I am.

college going from degree to degree and then job to job you thought that i was

struggling to find myself so i figured you must be right but the truth is that

is me i'm somebody who likes to try lots of different things and i finally

accepted that about myself and right now

i'm happy being

a robot and a tour guide and a forensic diver A forensic diver.

Oh, sometimes the truth is buried deep.

But... Why don't you use some of that money to get yourself some damn help?

Wow, Tony, I see what you mean. This is a great location.

It's got a lot of possibilities.

You know, if this is as good a deal as you say it is, I'm ready to move

Oh, Tony, I... Uh -oh.

You? You.

Please tell me that you are not my investor.

Your investor?

Tony told me this place was for sale.

It's not for sale. It's for lease, isn't it, Tony? Look, you can stand here and

argue about what was said to whom by an obviously confused pregnant lady, or,

or, you can work this out in a way that doesn't affect my commission. I gotta

go, bye.

here under false pretenses.

As was I.

I was just looking for a good investment.

And I need an investor.

But don't think for a minute I'm going to let you invest in my restaurant.

Trust me.

I am well aware you could never handle that.

I couldn't handle it.

I couldn't handle it.

You couldn't handle it. Could too.

Could not.

Really.

Watch how much I can handle it.

I'll be your silent partner and put up 40 % of the capital right now.

Handle that.

Oh, really?

Well, I could handle taking 50%. I could handle giving it to you.

Then handle it.

It's handled.

Then let's get it in writing.

I'll have the papers drawn up and on your desk so fast it'll make your head

spin. Oh, really?

Well, I don't have a desk, so you're going to have to put the papers on my

if you can handle that.

I could handle that and buy you a desk if you can handle it.

Oh, really?

I could handle it. As a matter of fact, there's a desk at Carol Kipling I could

really handle.

Fine. Matching chair?

And credenza.

Bring it on!

Oh, it's brought. And you are officially an investor of Joan's. Top of the tree.

That's stupid.

It should be called the J -spot. The J -spot? That's brilliant. Thank you. My

pleasure. Good night, partner.

Good night, partner.

I still hate you.

I mean, I saw everything. He just he ran up and he grabbed a purse and then he

went.