Original subtitles

My girlfriend.

For anything.

My girlfriend.

I'm sorry. Is William here?

Is this her?

Is this the bitch they're leaving me for? Trina, I told you there's no one

I just don't want you.

You were all over me when I bought you that fancy night on a burgdorf. I'm

sorry. I think I have the wrong woman. Oh, don't try to slink away. Stop it. I

don't know her.

You lying lipstick.

I'm pregnant.

Tony, you're not pregnant.

Todd, I'm standing here telling you that I'm pregnant and... Right, right,

right. Tony, who won't sweat out her hair for anybody, is pregnant?

Yes. Then you won't have any trouble taking a test. In fact, we could go get

right now. I'm not taking no damn test.

How dare you, Todd? I'm your wife.

I am pregnant. I don't have to prove it to you. Yes, you do. Because the sad

fact is, I don't believe a word you say.

We're over.

Look, little man.

We are married and we're having a baby.

Okay? You need to get home, so I suggest you say these little bye -byes to

Natalie. I will be on the 240 to L .A. tomorrow. You better be on that plane.

Taxi!

The Royale, and step on it, buddy.

Ma 'am, this is the Royale.

Then take me to the plaza. You're ruining my exit.

rooftop, I realized it was a sign that I should let William go.

I was spared from something.

Hello!

We're talking about me?

I saw you went to the wrong floor and got caught up in some lesbian drama.

Who has them?

We're talking about the sense of life. Of my life.

And I was right there in front of me and I couldn't say a word.

Why didn't you just tell me you were his daughter?

Because I

It took money to abandon me. Maybe we were both spared something.

I mean, when I was hiding in the baby grand in the lounge, I decided the

universe cut me a break.

Maybe we could just count our blessings and get the hell back to L .A.

Oh, please, Joan.

I use universe excuse all the time, and it's a bunch of crap.

You know why it's a bunch of crap?

Because I use it to run away from everything in the universe, just like I

tonight.

Lynn, what are you so afraid of? Everything!

And then nothing.

And then everything.

But mostly, I'm afraid that an evil clown will kill me in my sleep.

Okay, I'm afraid of that too.

Anyway, when I sober up, I just think I'm going to be more afraid that

I realize that William's the man of my dreams.

And I've blown it.

Okay, let's look at that.

In the morning, I'm going to tell William how I feel, and you are going to

your birth father who you are.

Wait a minute. What? William's in the hotel. Why don't you just tell him now?

Because I've got blisters on my feet and a lesbian on my ass.

Annette, you want some eggs with that bacon?

Sweet Jesus!

What are you doing here?

I'm your daughter.

FYI, you might not want to have a doggy door that big.

I don't smell that bacon cooking that we got to be in church in a half an hour.

Oh, heck, what did the dog drag in this time?

Well, William, this certainly was serendipitous.

And hot, too.

That's one thing we always said, huh?

More reasons than you'll ever know, your timing was perfect.

I'm glad we had this chance to reconnect, because now when we look

always have New York.

And rope runs.

Maybe I'll call when I'm back in L .A.

Maybe I'll answer.

I'm telling you, I'm telling your manager, and I'm telling Mayor Bloomberg

himself, okay, sweetie?

Ain't nobody had and ain't nobody going to pay for a $20 Kit Kat.

Oh, William.

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

I'm so glad I ran into you. I'm sorry.

I'm not gay. And I'm in a really big hurry. I just wanted to apologize for

night. My girlfriend, my ex -girlfriend. Well, she's just.

Crazy. Which is why I broke up with her. Really?

It's no big deal. I had a big meal, and Chase helped me work it off, okay?

I'm in a really big hurry. Okay.

Oh, no.

You can just flaunt her in front of me. Oh, hell.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a second.

Okay.

I'm telling you, Todd is going to be on this plane.

Well, Tony, what if he's not? He will be. Girl, take your negative energy on

back to roll 98 of where the hell you are. Go. Bye. See you.

Oh, Maya.

You couldn't wait to board with us?

And miss my opportunity to laugh at you coach losing tracking vibe with your

snack pack?

I don't think so.

Cow.

Cow's about to knock back another free glass of champagne.

Oh, goodness. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

Hand me the Cheetos right there.

I've got to eat for the next six hours.

Oh, William.

Oh, hey, Joan. You're on this flight, too?

Yeah. Well, excuse me. I'm sorry.

I want to talk to my friend. Excuse me, ma 'am. We have a full flight. It's just

going to take a second. No, ma 'am. Please. I need you to take your seat.

Okay.

William, I'll talk to you later.

Okay. Oh, my apple.

Anyway, as I was saying, it's a self -

He talks about turning it into a screenplay. And in the role of me, I was

actually thinking of Vivica.

Vivica Fox.

Here it is.

Excuse me.

That's my seat.

Don't get up. I'll just... I can just squeeze in here. You know what? I'll pop

over. Why don't I just get up?

Thank you. That's a good idea.

You know, you can keep the windows open if you'd like.

I like the aisle.

You know what? I only offered because the man I love is in first class, and I

was thinking that once we get up in the air, I'm probably going to want to go up

there and walk to him.

She's one of those who likes to get up and down during the flight.

Yes, exactly, and I didn't want to disturb you. Then don't, because I'm

taking the aisle.

I said no. Ma 'am, please.

We cannot pull back from the gate until you sit down and buckle your seatbelt.

That's the point. We're not going anywhere until my husband's on this

-oh, there he comes now. Honey, honey.

Oh, my bad.

That's not him, but keep your eyes open. He's around that height.

You know what? I'm sorry. I cannot just sit here the whole flight and not tell

him how I feel.

I'll be right back, okay?

I'll be right back.

Do I have to call security?

Only if you think they're holding my husband.

We have one more passenger.

That would be my husband.

I'm gone, Becky. Prepare for takeoff.

Monica?

Monica?

Monica? Becky?

Got some popsicles up and through.

Excuse me.

What the hell?

Look,

I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not paying for this. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, I didn't mean to disturb you. Look, if you don't want to disturb

may I make a suggestion? Yes. Sit your ass down.

I've been looking for the man of my dreams my whole life.

And now he's right up there in first class, only he doesn't know how I feel

because I went to the wrong door in the middle of the night and got chased by

some psychopathic lesbian.

Now he's sitting up there with his conniving black widow ex -girlfriend

going to seduce him and steal him away from me, and he's going to be lost to me

forever, all because you won't pry yourself out of your damn seat.

I don't even know the guy, but I have a feeling I'd be doing him a favor if I

just sat here.

I don't mean you any disrespect, but I hate you. And when I die alone, I'm

to come back and haunt your fat ass.

We are an hour and a half out of New York. Your husband cannot get on this

plane. He could if we landed in Cleveland and he caught a bullet train.

I'm going to have to ask you to take your seat.

Okay, look, I just need to know if he showed up at all. Can't you just call

gate and see if there's some swarthy short man wandering around with some

I told you, everyone on the manifest boarded. Why are you trying to hijack my

happiness? Hi, Jack.

What's this? Do we have a situation?

No, no, no, no. We're fine. We're fine.

Ma 'am, you can't be standing when the seatbelt light is on. But here's the

gotcha. It ain't on.

It is now.

What?

So, William, now that we're back together... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow

roll. It was just one night.

Nobody said we're back together.

Mr. Dent, you've gotten cocky now that you've seen your partner.

How did you know I made seeing your partner?

Because you told me last night.

No, I didn't.

Okay, so I kept tabs on you.

But when we ran into each other yesterday... No, we didn't just run into

other. Monica, I know how you operate.

You spin your web, you mate, you kill.

William, I swear, it really was a coincidence this time.

It doesn't matter.

Let's just keep it light and be friends.

What we did last night, friends don't do.

Oh, come on, Monica.

Friends have sleepovers all the time.

We do play well together, don't we?

I do love to share my toys.

And I have a toy box you can store them in.

All right, unless this is heading toward a playground, I think we better stop.

I got you some nuts.

There you go.

Sorry they're not hot, but it's the long walk back here.

Siberia. Maya, I don't care about the nuts. I just want to know what's going

with William and Monica.

Why is she on this plane?

I mean, is it a coincidence or did they hook up in New York?

Pretty, we have something in first class called boundaries.

Maya!

Look, all I know is they're talking about playing in each other's sandboxes,

which I'm sure is just code for something nasty.

Speaking of which, I, uh...

I need to get back to my seat.

Something back here is making me itch.

Sounds like you better get up there.

So are you finally going to let me up?

I would.

But I can't lift my fat ass.

This is so weird.

I can't believe I have a sister.

Have, sister baby.

Now pass me on the short ribs.

Oh, no, thank you.

Ham roller?

Oh, no, I'm good.

I'm beginning to think you don't like my cooking.

No, it's because I don't eat meat.

Well, then you're going to go hungry because Dad's a butcher.

Meat's all we get.

Yeah. And why didn't you say something?

I didn't want to be rude.

Oh, I see.

You can barge in our doggy door and drop a bombshell on my husband about being

the child that he gave up, but you can't tell us that you don't eat meat.

Annette. Well, I'm sorry.

Here, have some mashed potatoes.

There's hot dogs in them.

Well, they were going bad. I had to use them.

Eat around.

I can't.

I'm very strict about what I eat. I'm a vegan.

Really?

You know, I thought about being a vegan. Boy, you thought about a lot of things.

You need to settle down, choose one thing, and focus.

Oh, I tried to focus on ballet, but someone refused to pay for my unitard.

Now, you know how that sister talk gets your father's blood pressure going.

Plenty of poor causes.

Liz, do you think a guy who's interested in ballet is gay?

Uh, yeah, most of the time.

But for those who aren't... It's a ballerina banquet.

I mean, the point I'm trying to make is life's meant to be explored.

Yeah, well, he needs to explore life on his own dime after he graduates.

This boy has been dropping in and out of junior college since he finished high

school, and don't get me started on the Jersey Philharmonic. What's wrong with

the piccolo?

Sometimes it takes time to find yourself.

Yeah, well, his time is up. Do you know when I was this boy's age, I had already

opened my own business.

That's easy to do when you take paid money for giving up a child.

I knew it.

She wants money.

No, I don't want money.

No, I don't want anything.

As a matter of fact, I'm out of here. Okay, okay, okay. I messed up. I should

have fought for you. Yeah, but you didn't. No, I didn't. No. And I beat

up every day.

I don't know. Now that you're here, maybe you can give me a second chance.

I'm glad you found me.

Me too.

I can't believe I've got a daughter this beautiful.

Now, you know that we are one big happy family.

Can you tell him that ice dancing is not gay?

I wish I could.

I smell coach.

Tony, it's me, John. Oh, girl.

I'm sorry. I was just dreaming about my little man.

How'd you get out of coach?

Fat or thin, they get out of your way when you stab them in the arm with a

There she is, Becky, right here.

Cast away from coach, right here.

Maya?

This cabin is for first -class passengers only.

Please, return to your seat.

Handle your business, Becky.

Becky, I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be any trouble.

It's just that my friend here is going through a really hard time, and I was

just trying to be here for her.

She's your friend?

Yes. And you can keep her occupied and out of my galley?

Yes. Then consider yourself upgraded.

Thank you, Becky. Thank you.

I'm really sorry that Todd didn't get on the flight.

But I'm sure wherever he is, it's wonderful.

William? Hey, Joan. Hey.

I really need to talk to you.

And I can't wait until we get back to L .A.

Sure, what's up?

Well, I just... Hold that thought.

William, I just... William, shut up.

you're never gonna tell why i am would you i mean one minute he claims to be in

love with me and next thing you know he's in the mile high club with monica

so glad i never said anything i mean i don't need him or that kind of drama in

my life girl here oh my god it's you do you remember me from new

york oh my god hi hi we never actually met i'm anya i'm

joe

I knew something was going on.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Not the shoes again.

No.

Mace, bitch.

Facial mitt.

Aw, damn.

Okay.