Original subtitles

Dear Pepito, it's your American sponsor William here.

How's it hanging in Guatemala?

Has the rebel army vacated your school yet?

Anywho, like the rivers in Guatemala, the waters here are murky as well.

I'm still in a quandary regarding Joan. Do I tell her how I feel and risk losing

a good friend? Or do I sit back and risk losing a potential soulmate?

Hey, Joan. Hi.

What are you writing?

Oh, just a little how -do -you -do note to Pepito.

He's a child I'm sponsoring in Guatemala.

William, that is so inspiring.

More people should be like you. You are a very generous and benevolent man.

Why are you staring at me?

Oh, my God.

Do I have a bug?

No.

Well, a little one. Oh, my God.

Actually, it's a big one.

I'm surprised you can breathe.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Ah, Pepito.

She's even cute with a bug.

Honey, blow which project and got nothing on this.

Come on, Maya.

Sorry, wrong number. Was not scary.

And that woman lying in the bed wasn't a helpless invalid.

She was just lazy.

You guys can make fun, okay? But if you were a helpless invalid and some fool

tried to break in through your kitchen window, you wouldn't be thinking it was

so funny.

Oh, shoot, that reminds me.

Miss Snyder in Unit 3 is a helpless invalid.

She called me this morning saying something about hearing somebody in her

apartment. I should probably go check that out.

See you guys. Yep.

Woo! Hey, Maya.

What are we doing?

What? Movie night. I host, you clown.

No, you know exactly what I mean.

I'm over here all the time, having dinner, movie night, putting bookshelves

in Japari's bedroom.

What are we doing?

We're hanging out, having a good time. Why are you tripping?

Here.

Maya, I like you.

Okay, I'm trying to hook up.

God, I hate being this bold, but a sister can't take her hands.

So... What's up?

Jalen. Yeah.

Okay, I like hanging out with you. I do, but I can't be in a relationship right

now. I mean, I got school going on. I got the book.

You know, Jabari's just getting used to the divorce. I mean, I have no more room

on my plate for anything else. So does that mean right now or ever? I don't

know, okay?

Sweetie, all I can think about right now is right now.

Okay.

I get it.

See you.

No, wait, hold on, hold on.

Um, I still have room in my life for you to paint Jabari's room real quick.

No booty, no painting.

I'm sleeping here.

Why didn't you tell me you were going to bed?

I didn't know I needed your permission.

Ooh, somebody sounds a little grumpy.

Good thing I scheduled sex for Wednesday night.

You know how absurd you sound, scheduling sex?

So? In the end, you're still going to get it. Well, not in the end, but you

what I mean.

Well, it doesn't matter. Wednesday's no good.

I might be flying to New York. I have a job interview.

What? Yeah, I'm not crazy about it being in New York, but it might get us out of

debt. Hey, if it gets us out of debt, then I say go for it.

That's it?

I tell you I'm going to New York and you just say go for it? Well, that and get

me something nice from Bergdorf's.

Typical. Not even for a second. Can you think about anyone other than Tony?

You said it's a job that's going to get us out of debt. And that's all you care

about, isn't it? No, I also care about peace in the Middle East, but I can't

wear that.

Okay, I was going to squeeze you in on Tuesday, but you can forget it now.

Dear Pepito, as I sit here eating my apple turnover, I can't help thinking

not as good as Joan.

Hers is a light, flaky crust filled with sweet, juicy apples that just melt in

your mouth. Oh, mamacita.

Hey, William.

I need your help.

What makes a man happy?

Oh, Tony.

Is this your sly way of finding out what I'd like as a gift for my promotion to

senior partner?

William, who am I? Tony Charles Garrett.

And who do you think this conversation's going to be about?

Tony Charles Garrett.

Here's the deal.

Todd is still in his funk. And I don't want to hear any more of your boo -boo

the fool advice. I tried that. And all that got me was him hanging out with

bleach blonde bitch he works with.

Look, why do you keep coming to boo -boo if you don't like boo -boo's advice?

Because I need a man's opinion and Joan's busy.

Look, Todd said he had an interview in New York. I told him to go for it.

Now he's accusing me of not caring about our marriage. New York, huh? Uh -huh.

What's the job?

I don't know.

Well, didn't you ask him? No.

Did you at least ask him how long the job might last?

Uh -uh.

So, Tony, you didn't ask him anything about a job that could potentially

both of your lives, and you wondered why he's mad at you? Hey, you were the one

who told me not to burden him with too much talk. Not wanting to talk about

feelings. This is about him.

When a man needs support, we don't go running to our friends like women do.

There's just one person we want to turn to.

The wife, the lover.

Baker of Apple Turnovers.

Tony, you've got to be there for time.

You've got to show him that you care.

Ask him how his day went. I do that.

Do you listen for the answer?

Hold on.

This is good. Let me write this down.

Step one.

Ask him how his day went.

Step two.

Listen to the answer.

This is good, William. I would have never thought of this.

Well, hold on to your hat, because here comes the big one. Ask him a follow -up

question. Okay, now my head's spinning.

I just made a sandwich. It's gonna taste real good. Really, really good. Did

I mention good?

Hey, Joan.

You're out of laundry detergent, fabric softener, and hot water. Ooh, delicious.

And half a sandwich.

Guess what?

You're leaving now.

No. I like someone.

And you're going to see him now.

June. Okay.

What's his name?

Jalen.

Maya's Jalen?

He's not Maya's Jalen. What?

Okay, fine. Maybe he's Maya's Jalen. But I'm trying to make him my Jalen.

You think Maya would mind?

Hey, girl.

I am not getting in the middle of it. You ask her yourself.

Oh, Joan, thank you so much for letting me borrow the laptop.

Sorry for losing the mouse. What? Scratching screen.

Scratching hard drive. Oh, thanks.

And for taking the other half of my sandwich.

Hey, Maya, good sandwich, huh?

Funny how we like the same things.

Anyway, I like Jalen.

Do you mind if I ask him out? I don't care. I'm not his mama.

Go for it.

Are you...

Sure, Maya. I mean, you know, a good man is really hard to find.

What happened to you not getting in the middle of it?

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

I'm just a little delirious from hunger.

Well, don't just sit there looking all stupid. Make yourself a sandwich.

Well, I'm off to go random me up a man. Wish me luck.

Good luck, girl.

She gonna need it.

Why?

Girl, please. Everybody knows Jalen is all over me like Tony on a stack of

money.

Why, then why didn't you just tell her that? Because, Joan, if I say something,

it sounds like I'm blocking. If he tells her, he sounds like your typical

trifling, shallow L .A. man.

And we all used to dance.

True that.

Add me a couple of those.

Oh, hell.

God, Maya, are you okay? I'm fine. I just thought I saw a dime on the ground.

Oh, Maya, your leg is bleeding.

Please. Small price to pay for tins.

So, uh, you guys up for movie night?

Oh, actually, Dylan and I have a date tonight.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. That's great.

I'm gonna go get Kito, okay? All right.

I'll see you later.

Yeah, no doubt.

Who?

You just think you're pretty, so...

Don't you need to play a player?

I'm sorry, what? What? I'm talking about how just yesterday you were all asking

me about our future, and today you're all over Lynn. What's up?

Hold on. I'm not playing anybody.

I told you that I liked you, and you didn't want me, remember?

You had, what, too much on your plate.

I understand that.

But a brother can't stay on pause.

I had to move on, and I did with Lynn.

And I guess I'll move on, too.

Hey, Lynn.

The vegan cornbread is bacon.

You don't have to lie.

I'm going to sleep with you anyway.

Thank God.

Hey, guys.

Did you, uh... Did you feel the earthquake?

Earthquake? No.

Must have been a five or a five -two.

Might be a pre -shock to something bigger, you know. So we better get

and you better put something on.

I'm sure everything's going to be fine.

Good night, Maya.

All I'm saying is you just stay out of the bedroom.

Okay? That is the number one place people die.

Okay?

Quick, you should turn on the news. There's been a car chase, and they're

for our block.

And? And if we time it right, Lynn, we could be on TV, girl!

And if you don't do something about it, I will be forced to rectify the

situation by putting my new red shirt in with all those tighty -whities.

Maybe we should just do this some other time, okay? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

It's okay.

Besides, I'm pretty sure that those tighty -whities are mine.

Excuse me.

Yeah, they're in the bushes.

I'm interested. I have some follow -up questions.

How's the weather?

Tony, what are you doing? I'm asking you a question, listening to the answer,

and giving you a follow -up.

You sound like a nut.

So just tell me. How was the weather?

Partly cloudy. Oh, that's too bad.

You see how I care?

Tony, I took the job.

Without talking to me?

You said go for it, so I did.

Yeah, but you haven't even told me what the job is.

I'm the lead plastic surgeon on a reality makeover show, so if you excuse

have a lot of packing to do.

Packing?

Are we going now?

I mean, for how long? Are they providing housing? Are we flying first class?

Tony, you're not going.

Well, yeah, not right away. I have to rent this place and hire an associate to

run the office and... Oh, break the news to Joan. I don't know how she's going

to take this.

Once again, Tony, you're not listening to me. I said you're not going.

At all.

In my defense, you didn't say at all.

Now my follow -up question.

What the hell are you talking about?

Tony, I love you.

But we haven't been on the same page for a long, long time.

I know.

Which is why I've been working so hard to get us back on the same page. I'm the

one in therapy.

That's my point. It's not this hard.

You need a therapist to teach you how to love your husband?

Todd, please.

Don't give up on us yet. We're making progress.

Just give us some more time.

How about this?

You stay here and work on trying to love me, and I'll go to New York and work on

trying to stay in love with you.

Dear Guillermo, I find your current dilemma quite remarkable.

I am but a young boy and have yet to find a love of my own. But I am reminded

the words my grandfather used to tell me about the wild boar that would roam our

forest. If you do not kill it, you do not eat.

Take a risk and open your heart to John.

It could not be any worse than being mangled by a wild boar like my brother

Pepito.

You always know just what to say.

Hey, Joan. Hey. What's going on?

I'm ordering a sandwich, and you, my friend, are not getting any of it.

That's fine.

Hey, uh...

I was wondering if I could talk to you, though.

Yeah. I know I've been acting kind of strange lately, but there's something

been wanting to tell you for a real long time.

What's that?

Joan.

The pumpernickel's stale. You might want to try it on wheat.

and see this.

Okay, you know what, Maya? Why won't you let me and Jalen be alone?

Lynn, I'm trying to keep you from getting wind -tossed to West Covina.

Maya.

Okay, come here.

Look, all right, the truth is, I like Jalen, too.

What? Maya, huh? Well, it's too late now, because I like him. Look, you know

what? I can't stop thinking about him. Well, then writing your... a diary,

because you're the only one who cares.

Excuse me, if he knew I liked him, he'd choose me.

I'll choose you. Okay, not to toot my own horn, but I know how to toot my own

horn.

Well, then you better get used to it, because yours is the only horn you'll be

tooting around here. Okay, you know what, Maya? Me and Jason are perfect for

each other. Toot, toot, toot, toot.

Maya, would you toot?

Hey, hey, hey, girls, girls, girls.

What's going on out here?

Guess what, Jalen?

I like you.

Now you don't have to play the desperate card with Lynn.

Ain't this a blip?

The moment I get with your friend, you want me?

Playing games, Maya.

And the game's over, Maya. Bye -bye.

Look, I'm not playing a game, okay? This is for real.

Now, are you going to get with this?

Or are you going to get with that?

Because you can get with that, but honey, this is worth that.

Well, is there any chance the three of us can maybe eat? No.

They just have to ask.

Okay, you know what? This is crazy, Jalen. Obviously, both of us want to. So

you're just going to have to do.

I'm not doing that.

What? We're grown women. We can take it.

Yeah. She grown. She can take it.

All right.

If that's what you want.

Turn around real quick.

Boy, Jalen.

You do realize whatever decision he makes is going to affect our friendship

forever. What? You scared?

We're like family.

I got family. What I don't have is a boyfriend.

You're willing to lose what we have over some guy.

Yeah.

You're right, Maya.

I love you, girl. I love you, too.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You both like me, but I don't get either of you.

Sorry, Taylor.

I'm sorry, too.

Oh, that's cold.

L .A. women are crazy.

Well, I guess I'm back to tooting my own horn. Yeah, I'll call you later.

Call me?

You'll see me. What time is it? Seven.

You know it would have been you.

Yeah.

I know.

Just got back from Skia with the perfect sandwich.

I can't wait to eat it. No one's coming over. All the doors are locked. No one's

going to take my sandwich.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.