Original subtitles

And that's how I learned the difference between laundry bleach and hair bleach.

Hey,

Tony.

Are you okay?

Something happened.

Don't tell me you ran over the valet again.

No, Lynn, I'm serious.

I just came from Trebuchet. I had a massage.

I think I might have cheated on Todd.

Oh, my God.

Tell us exactly what happened, Tony. Don't leave out any of the details.

Well. I was just lying there. The way you do when you're at the top?

Exactly.

And, um, there's this masseur, Lee, who was rubbing on my thighs.

There's a fair amount of contact with... stuff.

And I, um... I had a... you know... I had a...

A revelation?

And that was, Lee, a song in your heart.

Stop messing with me. You know what I'm talking about.

I'm sorry.

This is huge.

I mean, this is only the fifth one you've ever had.

Six. Todd and I had a nice Valentine's Day.

You've only had six? Well, during sex.

And if you count during shopping.

Tony, I have to say, I'm shocked.

I always thought Trebuchet was a reputable establishment.

This is why I never get massages. Okay, this is wrong.

Some stranger touching all over you.

Okay, you guys, you know, we're missing the bigger picture here. Thank you.

So you said this guy's name was Lee?

Mr. Swittleson and Ms. Upton -Farley are here to see you. Thank you, Maya. Send

them in.

Counselor. Counselor. Counselor. Counselor.

Please sit. We'll stand. I'll stand.

I'll stand as well.

We'll be brief. There'll be a gathering of all firm personnel in the conference

room tomorrow at 9 a .m. The purpose of said meeting is to announce that you

have been made a senior partner.

Following work, there'll be a celebratory cocktail reception at Blue

Congratulations, Dent.

Thank you, sir. Congratulations, Dent. Thank you, ma 'am.

Counselor. Counselor. Counselor. Counselor.

I'm a senior partner now.

You're a senior partner's assistant.

We must behave with a degree decorum, commitment with our positions.

I am so sorry, sir. My apologies.

Apologies accepted.

I'm sorry, Sarah. I keep forgetting.

William, you've got to stop doing this.

Right, right.

So, apparently, when they say all you can eat, they mean all you can eat right

then. Okay.

Hey, Maya.

I had a massage.

From Lee.

What? Yeah, yeah, y 'all heard me.

I thought you said you don't get massages. I don't. Not for pleasure.

Okay, that would be decadent and indulgent.

I did this out of friendship.

Okay, so that Tony could find out about this guy. You know, so she could know if

she, you know, she cheated on Todd.

And? I don't know. I don't know. There's still about eight minutes that I can't

account for.

But, uh, still tingling.

Oh, my God. Okay, this is ridiculous.

Thank you, Lynn.

Obviously, I'm going to have to go check it out.

here with any sense of propriety? Girl, please. This is about helping out a

friend. Exactly.

I just happen to have a little friend that could use a helping hand.

And so elevating William to the ranks of

senior partner was a no -brainer.

Congratulations, William. You deserve it.

Look at this man. Is this the picture of a man who has it all or what? Oh, thank

you, Mrs. Lewis. No, please call me Charles now.

But you haven't introduced me to your lovely young lady friend.

Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners, Charles?

This is Candy.

Pleased to meet you.

So, Candy, are you as sweet as your name?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

Candy is sweet and Candy is your name.

I'm sure someone has said that to you before.

Well, sugar is sweet, too, but people don't call me sugar.

It's because your name's Candy.

Exactly.

Yeah, well.

Congratulations again, William.

Oh, I told Burke.

Congratulations,

William. Thank you, Tony Candy.

Oh, no thanks, I'm off sugar.

Not sugar, candy.

Yeah, whatever, work that out.

Now look at here.

Now, since you moved on up, are you going to try to up my rates? Of course

Tony. I don't handle penny ante clients anymore. I'm going to fob you off on a

lowly associate.

Whatever. As long as they know I didn't pay your bill and I don't intend to pay

theirs.

Um, congratulations, William.

Thank you.

Sherry, look at the candy.

Oh, I'll just bet it is.

Um, excuse me, dear. For a moment, I need to speak to William.

Oh, sure.

Go on and stand over there for a minute. Oh, sure.

I'll see you in a bit.

Clearly she's very special.

Anyway, William, I just wanted to tell you I'm very happy for you.

Well, ever since our failed romantic liaison...

Awkward between us.

Hostile, even.

Oh, I wouldn't say hostile. Shut up, I'm talking.

The point is that water is under the bridge.

I respect you as an attorney. I like you as a person. So I hope henceforth that

we can be on nothing but cordial terms. Thank you, Sharon. I'd like that, too.

Ah, well, very good, then.

We're friends. Right. That's settled. Yes. And just know that if you're ever

need, my door is always open. Well, thank you, Sharon. I appreciate that.

Okay, that's enough.

Congratulations! Oh, William, I'm so happy for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bravo,

choked up and all that. When am I going to get my raise?

Not now, Maya. We're in the middle of a celebration.

You know what? Forget you.

There's that guy from Human Resources.

He's drunk. I'm going to get my own damn raise. Hey.

William, how does it feel to finally have everything you've always wanted,

Being your partner, a supermodel?

Well, I don't have everything I want.

Hey, congratulations.

Thank you.

William, your weird hot date keeps staring at me.

Oh, I keep... Candy, come on over.

Did you want something? Yes, I sure did. I wanted to introduce you to my

friends. Candy, this is Joan and Lynn.

Hi.

Hi. Hi, Candy.

That's a sweet name.

Why?

Because, you know, candy's sweet.

Oh, thank you, but you see, I'm here with William.

So, William, aren't you glad your date dropped out on you early?

Yeah, I guess so.

That's right.

Sometimes you got to dump the sand before you get to the beach.

Speaking of which, I would love to lay on that beach.

Yeah, buddy.

You know what? I think I'm going to call it a night.

I'm all out of singles. Come on.

The $5 strippers are all on deck.

I'm sorry, Charles. I guess I'm just not feeling it. Yeah, damn those right

-wing councilmen and their lap dance laws.

No, that's not it. It's just that I don't know what it is. Oh, come on. Stop

your belly aching. You're a senior partner now. Just enjoy the

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I am just damn glad I am here to share it with you.

Speaking of accomplishments, that is one limber filly.

You know what?

Maybe that's what's missing.

What, the ability to tuck your ankles behind your head?

No, somebody to share it with.

Not that I don't appreciate your company.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're looking for love, romance, marriage, divorce.

Sorry, I skipped ahead of myself.

The funny thing is, is that there is somebody in my life I've been thinking a

lot about lately. Yeah, I know.

You do? Everybody does. It's obvious.

It is? Oh, absolutely.

You and Sharon are perfect for each other.

Sharon? No, I'm talking about Joan.

Clayton?

It's funny.

My last girlfriend thought I was in love with her.

And I've been thinking a lot about her lately. No, no, no, not Clayton.

Clayton is a quitter.

She quit the firm. She's going to quit on you.

William, you need someone at your own level.

Sharon is the one.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Joan is a quitter.

You know, when Sharon and I had our fling last year, she never quit. Oh,

Those spindly ones are full of energy.

And she said something tonight.

She said her door was always open.

Well, that just screams, come on in and love me up.

Of course, two years from now, it'll be take out the trash, don't touch me.

Looking for something sweet? Check out the main stage, Candy.

William, isn't that your date?

Yes!

You know, that explains the time I found the 20 on the way to second date.

And for the Walmart case, I was thinking we could cite... The Ohio decision.

Exactly. Yeah, it's not precisely on point, but it's... But it's as close as

we're going to come.

I love working with you, Sharon.

It's like we're two minds with a... Single thought.

Remember when we used to share a single thought, Sharon?

Indeed I do, William.

Good times.

So I guess we're pretty much done here.

I'm going to be heading out.

Say, would you have any interest in maybe stopping by the blue bar with me

drink?

Well, that sounds delightful, William.

As long as you're up for a threesome.

Hmm?

So how long have you two been an item?

A couple of months.

William, I felt so safe at work, I decided to bring the security system

Well, that's just great.

I know it's hard for people to picture the two of us together, but it's a hard

world out there, William. You gotta take love wherever you can find it.

And that would be under the security desk.

About four in the morning when no one's looking.

Oh, boy, you so nasty.

Can I have the check, please?

I'm a lucky man, Will. No, I'm lucky.

Lucky enough!

It's time for me to put it on you.

I'm ovulating.

So, where is it this time? The men's room or the ladies' room?

Please, Lord Jesus, protect... All I'm saying is, as short as Todd is,

we're entitled to park in the handicapped space.

Oh, hey, Lance.

Tony,

Maya, you didn't tell me about the hands.

You saw me?

Yeah, girl, and you cheated.

Shoot, I feel like I cheated. I don't even have a man.

Don't play with me, Lynn. Are you sure?

Look, I've had a lot of sex and a lot of massages, and this is the first time

that Twain have met.

That's disgusting.

No, not at all. Actually, it was the best massage I've ever had in my life.

Though, as sex, I'd have to rate it as a B -.

If that's what a B - does to you, what does an A do?

Put me in a coma.

Look here, Lynn.

Do you know a good hypnotist? Because I need to recover those lost eight

minutes.

Because B minus and not has been a while, okay?

Guys, this is where I need some girlfriend advice.

The first time I went, no one could blame me because I didn't know what

happen. Was there any way on God's green earth I can justify going again? I

mean, for instance, let's just say you guys got me a gift certificate.

Tomorrow.

Wouldn't it be rude if I didn't go down there and let his large yet supple hands

masterfully careen?

and collide down to my forbidden... Okay, no.

You are all unbelievable.

This whole thing is sleazy and gross, okay?

I mean, I would never get a massage from a place like that. And if a man went to

a massage parlor and the masseuse gave him that kind of pleasure, we would all

consider it sleazy.

You're right.

I'm so ashamed.

Me too. Thank you.

Do you know a good hypnotist?

Who is that?

William. Oh.

Hi. Hi.

It's late. Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Well, maybe.

I don't know. I've been doing some thinking, and I need to talk to you.

Okay. Come on in.

Joan, ever since I got that promotion the other day, I've been feeling like

something's missing.

And now I think I know what that is.

I'm not surprised this is happening.

You're not?

William, we're so much alike. We want the same things.

Joan, are you saying what I think you're saying? I know.

I know it's scary. But what you're feeling right now, I've been feeling for

while. And I can tell you, it's going to be okay.

It's wonderful.

But you're right, it is a little scary.

Oh, sweetheart, everything's going to be okay once you quit the firm.

Quit the firm?

Yeah. It's okay that you don't want to be a lawyer anymore.

Joan, I have a license plate that reads, I sue you.

Does that sound like the plate of a man who doesn't want to be a lawyer?

I don't understand.

If you still want to be a lawyer, then what's this about?

Well, it's... Joan, this isn't easy.

William, it's me.

We're friends.

We can tell each other anything.

I know.

I know we're friends now, but do you ever think that maybe someday it might

change?

William.

Men have come and gone in my life.

But over the past few years, our friendship has become something that

relied on and cherished.

And nothing you say can change that.

You've become a big brother to me.

Big brother.

Right.

So, what is it? What's going on? What's bothering you?

Well, I guess that was it.

Oh. I was just worried with you leaving the firm and then me getting the

promotion, it would lead us in separate directions and I wouldn't be your big

brother anymore.

William, that is never going to happen, all right?

Okay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go get back on the Internet so I can

find myself a good man.

The very thought of you makes my heart sing

Like an April breeze on the wings

of spring And you appear in all

your splendor My one and only

The shadows fall and spread their misted charms

in the hush of night while you're in my

arms.

Hello? Hey, it's me.

Yes, I know it's late.

I just wanted to tell you... They made me senior partner, Mom.

I'm all right. Well, your phone's been off the hook. We've been trying you all

night. Yeah, and you didn't invite us over for dinner.

Well, as you can see, I'm all right. So, bye.

Uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh. Not so fast.

Joan, why has your phone been off the hook?

Yeah, and what's up with dinner?

So, Joan.

Same time Thursday?

Sure. Hey,

Tony. Maya Lin