Original subtitles

And the guy just wouldn't stop trying to tear down my blouse. But finally, I

gave him my, what are you looking at look, and he thought it was flirting.

Well, you know what? Your looks can be kind of confusing. Let me see your, what

are you looking at?

That does not say flirting.

See? It says more like, I ate too much cabbage. Do you have a gas mask?

I trust.

This story ends with the gentleman in question hiring you for legal

representation. Otherwise, why would you be wasting time at work discussing it?

Actually, Miss Farley, I was just taking a moment out of my very busy and

productive day to relate an amusing anecdote to my assistant.

Well, I can understand the desire to chat about personal matters for a few

moments during a very busy day. I've done so myself.

Thank you, Miss Farley. I've just never been bold enough to do it where a senior

partner or a very important client can pass by and hear me cackling like a

moron.

I guess that's just one of the differences between us.

Here's another difference between us. I'm not a raging bitch.

Oh, not today.

What do you mean? I am nothing like her. Well, Jen, let's review last week,

shall we? Okay.

Monday, B. Tuesday, B. Oh, there it is. Wednesday, R, B.

Ever, Maya, and what is the C on Thursday for?

Uh, cute?

You're right.

I was cute that day.

Whatever.

Do you have a moment?

Sure. Come on in.

Couple of things.

First off, I wanted to welcome you back to the firm. Thank you. It's good to be

back. Secondly, I wanted to break up with you.

I expected that you would. Well, I just don't think it would be prudent if we

continued our romance now that we're working together. I concur.

This is the best course of action. I'm glad you understand.

Absolutely. I'm looking forward to working with you. And I you.

Why'd you let me walk out like that?

I just think the

argument in paragraph four could be made more cogently.

What a bitch. I know.

Filing motions is hardly the glamorous part of the job, but it has to be done.

No, I'm talking about Sharon.

You know, it's one thing for a boss to be a hard -ass, but that woman takes a

perverse pleasure in sticking it to me with really sharp... Hins of hurt.

All right, I realize that wit can be a bit tangy. A service keeper. No,

this isn't wit. This is a shriveled -up, frustrated legal beagle who is jealous

of my vitality and my keen fashion sense.

Sharon talks with you. Maybe it's because she senses you resent her

Why do you keep taking her side?

What happened to the William who hated her? What happened to the William who

going to help me jump her in the parking lot?

I'm just trying to be fair. Fair?

God, what are you, sleeping with her?

Oh,

my God.

You are sleeping with her. I was joking.

You're sleeping with... How long have you been sleeping with her? Look, Joan,

I'm sharing an eye. Don't. No, I don't even want that image in my mind. God.

Would you please stop it? I happen to care about her.

What? Why?

What could you possibly see in her? She exudes power.

She has very... No, no, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

Yuck. Look, Sharon and I are very nervous about continuing our

that we're working together.

We don't want anybody to know, so you've got to swear to me you're not going to

tell anybody.

Don't worry, William. Your secret is safe with me.

Yuck.

Cut it out.

It's a picnic when I have to think of you and Ellis.

You think about me and Ellis?

Yuck. Ugh.

Blah. All right, I'm just going to take this back to my office and see if I can

fix it myself.

Hey, girl.

What's going on? What do you mean?

The door all closed.

William, rushing past my desk, calling it busy. What's up? Come on, go. You

what, Maya?

It's not something I can talk to you about. I'm really sorry.

What do you mean that's something you can talk about? Joan, you talk about

everything. We have no secrets.

Come on, tell me.

Oh, my God. The rumors are true.

Joan, they are firing you.

No. No, they are not firing me. What rumors?

I'm sorry, Joan. I can't talk to you about that right now. I'm sorry.

Okay. Are you playing with me? Oh, you know what? I can't talk to you about

either now that we don't have that kind of give and take relationship.

Why don't I give you a pink slip and you can take it down to the unemployment

office? How about that kind of give and take relationship?

Fine, don't tell me, okay? And by the way, this goes down as a C -day.

Thank you, Maya.

I am working this skirt, huh, girl?

Whatever.

You know, we really don't do this enough. Just the two of us.

Getting together.

Bonding.

Tony. Uh -huh?

You buy me lunch.

You pretend to be interested in my stories about work.

You compliment me on my outfit, and I know that couldn't have been easy for

You want something for me.

What is it? I don't know what you're talking about.

Tony Chaz wants for nothing.

Okay. Then I guess I'll just be getting back to work. Thanks again for lunch.

Okay, okay.

Now that you got me to thinking, there is just one thing.

Before I agree, can I get another lemonade?

Okay, fine.

Lemonade! Everything I have is yours, sucker.

Free refills, idiot.

Now, I was going over my wedding plans trying to figure out what still needed

be done. No, please don't ask me to help out with any of that. I'll just screw

everything up.

Of course you will. I'm not crazy.

I'm talking about the wedding night.

You want to have a threesome?

Why didn't you just ask me? You didn't have to buy me lunch.

I don't want a threesome, Lynn. I want my wedding night to be extra special for

Todd. So you want me to watch?

No, Lynn, you will not be watching us.

So Todd's going to watch?

Lynn, Lynn, you won't be there.

I was just hoping that you could give me some pointers or lessons or whatever. I

just want to do more than the usual.

Okay, well, what's the usual?

Pretty much me just lying there.

Come on.

You must do something.

Does that show up and get naked?

No.

That's all I've ever had to do, but this is my wedding night. I want it to be

special. I want to participate. I mean, it seems only right.

Well, um, I guess there are certain things you can do to heighten intimacy

the moment. Forget intimacy. I'm talking tricks. Done.

Damn it.

I want you to show me the lens stand.

I don't know, Tony.

The specifics of that maneuver are a closely guarded secret.

I give you a hundred bucks. I never could keep a secret.

Okay. Tell you what. Meet me at Joan's. We'll have a lesson before she gets home

from work.

Okay, but why at Joan's?

Hello. Snacks.

Joan, I read your motion on the Cisco case. Not bad.

Thank you. If it were written by a first -year law student.

My notes, as usual, are in red until the red pen ran out of ink, then they

continue in blue.

Carly, is it really necessary for you to be so mean to me?

Mean?

Do you think it's mean of me to expect excellence from you?

No, but I... Do you think it's mean of me to feel frustration when another

African -American lawyer turns in subpar work?

I think calling my work subpar... Surely I don't have to explain to you.

That when there are only three African -American lawyers in a law firm, the

that one does reflects on the other, too. And frankly, Joan, I'm tired of you

making me look bad.

Well, at least I'm not sleeping with my subordinate.

What?

I just... I thought I would mention the one thing that I'm not doing. Not that

anyone else is doing it. I have no knowledge of anyone doing such a thing.

if they were doing it, it wouldn't be bad.

I can't believe this.

Wow, girl.

Sharon looked real upset coming at your office, honey.

Want to tell me what happened?

I can't talk to you right now. I need to go talk to William.

The thing about you, William, And Sharon!

Joan! Girl, you gotta tell me something, girl. Are we rising up?

William, do you have a second? No, not really, Joan. This is important.

Sure, Joan, what is it?

William, something happened. Something that I wish hadn't happened and that I

would give anything to make unhappen, but it happened.

Joan?

Look, have you ever said something and then a second later you wish you could

just suck the words right back into your mouth? Right now I'm regretting a few

seconds ago when I said, sure, Joan, what is it?

William, I... Oh, you're here.

You know what? I'll just go. No, no, no, no, no. You might as well stay and hear

what I have to say.

It'll save William the trouble of telling you five minutes after I leave.

Joan told me she knows about our relationship.

What? William, I'm so sorry. How could you betray me like this?

I didn't tell her. She guessed.

Well, on one level, I suppose that's comforting. On another level, it hardly

matters now, does it? Either way, she has information with which to humiliate

me. And either way, it's made very clear that this relationship must end

immediately.

So you're dumping me.

We should have called it quits the minute you came back to work at the

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Then that's settled.

William, I am so sorry. Get the hell out of my office.

I know, I know. You are mad, and I would be too, but if it helps for me to

explain the circumstances any.

She was being so mean to me, and I...

be getting the hell out of your office.

William, I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Oh, Miss Farley. What?

I need to speak to you in my office for a second. I'm very busy right now.

Please, it'll just take a second.

Very well.

Excuse me, Joan.

Will I be holding all of your calls?

Please. Interesting.

Miss Farley, I need to apologize for what I said before. I was completely out

line. So far, we're in agreement?

More importantly, if you're going to be mad at someone, I beg you to be mad at

me and not at William.

So I shouldn't feel betrayed that he went blabbing to you about our

relationship? Okay, first of all, he didn't blab. I really did guess. And

secondly, we talk about everything.

We have very few secrets. That's what our relationship is.

I'm the one who violated that. All William did, you know, after I guessed,

talk about it with his good friend.

So, please, don't be mad at William because of that.

Don't break up with him because of it.

Are you thrilled?

Yes, I am.

Thank you.

I know what it is, Joan.

It's not a romance, isn't it?

Okay. Yeah. So you guessed that much. But, Maya, I can't tell you anymore.

Oh, what do you mean? Like the fact that you're a lesbian?

Huh?

Maya, you know I'm not a lesbian.

I know. I know that.

But if you don't give me the whole story, Joan, I'm just going to have to

around what I got.

Let's just take five. I need a snack.

Lynn, I'm never going to get it.

So maybe you'll never get it. Big deal.

Your wedding night will be special because it's the two of you together as

husband and wife.

Have you ever heard of that saying, show me a beautiful woman, I'll show you a

guy who's tired of sleeping with her?

Yeah, but instead of the word sleeping with, I heard her with the word... I

don't want to be that beautiful woman.

You want Todd to be that guy who's tired of sleeping with me?

He won't be.

You don't know that?

And neither do I in the past.

I never stayed with guys long enough for them to get tired.

Well, what about Greg?

Oh, honey, Greg was a starving artist.

I don't know if he was hanging in there for me or for the food.

Okay, well, there are other things you can do to keep your sex life

Oh, really?

Yeah. Like vary the position or role play.

Oh. Or use food.

Once. I dated this English guy, and for Boxing Day, I let him eat Yorkshire

pudding off my ass.

I mean, it was both sexy and festive.

Okay, but give me something I can do. You know I can't cook.

That's true.

Well, then you're going to have to get in there and spin, spin, spin!

Okay. All right.

I'm going to get it this time. That's the attitude. Okay.

And if you don't get it, we can always fall back on that whole threesome thing.

I'll learn to cook before that happens.

What the hell did you do now?

I'm guessing something bad. Don't get flipped with me.

Sharon forgave me. She takes me back. All because of some little chat she had

with you. How could you have screwed this up?

I'm confused.

Just a few hours ago, you were upset because she broke up with you.

Well, I thought about it.

I realized it's for the best.

I don't want to be in a relationship with my boss.

So you gave me the perfect doubt. You screwed it up.

I'm sorry, William. I thought you were in love with her.

No, it was just one of those things.

Trip to the moon on gossamer wings.

I'm sorry. I was just trying to fix it. But now that I know what's going on, I

can just talk to her again. No, no. Do not talk to her.

Do not ever try and fix anything.

Ever again. Do you understand me?

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

I'm tired of hearing you say I am sorry. Don't ever say I'm sorry again.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

No, Williams.

That doesn't even make sense.

I know. I'm sorry.

I... All right.

So nobody bought that lesbian story.

Although you may be getting a call from that big bonkers down at the Snapshot.

Oh, actually, no, I was just getting takeout, and I'm really glad... Have a

seat. Okay.

I want to thank you for our talk yesterday. William and I are back

I know.

Of course, you would.

But that's okay.

I've been thinking a lot about what you said, about how close you and William

are, and how you confide in each other about everything, and the truth is,

I envy that.

I... really don't have any close personal friends. Oh, gosh, I'm sure

true. Of course it's true. Why would I say it if it wasn't true?

I don't know. I was just trying to make you feel better. Oh, and here I am

biting your head off. You see, that's why I don't have any friends.

I used to tell myself it was because I was a driven career woman.

But actually, people just don't like me, Joan.

People like you, I would imagine.

And I blew it with you.

We could have been friends, Joan. We actually have a lot in common.

But I've been a total bitch to you.

No, not a total bitch.

So we could still be friends?

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Really? Of course.

I'd like that.

So... You know William better than just about anybody. Do you think he sees a

future in his relationship with me? I mean, one friend to another?

Oh, gosh, Ms. Farley, I really don't feel... Uh, Sharon.

Sharon, I just, I really don't feel comfortable talking to you about this.

Oh, no, no, I understand. You and William have been friends for such a

time, and you and I have only been friends for about a minute.

And naturally, your loyalties would lie with him.

No, it's not about loyalties. It's just that, you know, it's very difficult for

me to date because I'm so self -sufficient. But I really, really want

this work with William.

I have really, really put my heart on the line for this.

It's just that I, um, I don't know what I'd do if...

My heart.

And if you thought we had no future together, I'd like to know what the hell

thought you were doing, dragging me along!

Sharon, we were two scared, lonely souls groping in the darkness. I didn't mean

to lead you on.

No.

You men never do.

Well, that's all behind us now, isn't it, Counselor?

I'd like you to proof these briefs.

Sharon, this has worked for a paralegal or a secretary.

And now it's worked for you. And it's Ms. Farley.

Oh, good morning, Ms. Farley.

Ah, ah, ah.

Right. Sharon.

Say, Joan, what are you doing for lunch today? There's a new restaurant on 3rd.

I'm just dying to try. Oh, actually, William and I had plans to... William's

going to be working through lunch today.

Well, okay.

Come walk with me in my office. There's some fabric samples I'd love to get your

opinion for my window treatments. I'm finally getting it decorated. Sure,

William, I am so sorry.

Joan went snack shopping.

So, going for practice tomorrow?

Oh, girl.

I'm having second thoughts about this land span.

I think I'm just going to stick to the tender Tony Roney.

What move is that?

Well, it's still pretty much me just lying there.

But for my wedding night, I'm going to make it extra special.

I'm going to stay awake.