Original subtitles

This is my son.

Isn't he cute?

Of course he's not born yet, that's just the ultrasound.

Oh, yeah, I see.

There's his arm.

Oh, and his head. No, no, that's his butt.

And I think he fell with his arm. Well, let's just say he takes after his papa.

Well, congratulations.

What does your wife do?

Oh, I'm not married. It's my sister's baby.

No, no, I didn't.

I didn't impregnate my sister. I impregnated her lesbian lover.

Trust me, nowhere near as much fun as it sounds.

Yeah, but it looks like you're trying to be stunning.

Tony! Oh, girl, you got to put that on my way.

Joan?

Eh, not feeling it.

Oh, girl.

I am not mad at you.

Hell no.

Let's try again.

Okay, Joan, what's going on? That dress looked beautiful on Tony. What? I'm just

trying to do what's best for Tony and her vision of the wedding. Excuse me.

Excuse me. You tried to talk the woman into having her wedding at the Pickwick

Bowling Alley.

I just wanted her family to be comfortable. I have held my con long

You are jealous.

Maya, don't go. No, no, no. I need to speak my mind or bitch slap her.

Okay, so I'm just going to go ahead and say something.

Fine. And don't be too hasty because she has been wasting our time.

I am not jealous of Tony.

Yes, you are.

Your best friend is getting married and you can't take it. But I'm going to tell

you this much right here and right now. You need to get over it and be there for

your friend. But I... Just be there. Or be slapped.

Do I take care of my girls or what?

You guys look...

maybe let you in my pictures.

Now, Tony Childs has a surprise for you, lady.

You're paying for the dresses.

No.

The surprise is there's going to be one more bridesmaid.

Who? Well, I was going to save it until later, but since she'll be here any

minute, I may as well tell you now.

Recy Jackson.

Recy? You have got to be kidding me. Who the hell is Recy?

How could you ask the one woman in the world that I hate to be a bridesmaid?

Because I didn't think after 12 years you still hated her.

Brian was mine.

She stole him and married him.

Well, at least you wasn't just dealing him for sport. Yeah, and the last time I

checked, you have a man.

He is a boyfriend, not a husband, Maya, okay?

How could you do this? I mean, you haven't even talked to her since

Right? Okay.

All right.

Okay, maybe, you know, I've sent her a Christmas card or met her for lattes or

became godmother to her firstborn, but nothing big.

Godmother? Lynn, did you know about this?

Godmother secondborn.

Oh. Oh, so I guess the pact we made just means nothing to you guys?

Pact. The We Hate Recy Pact, January 1991.

Bush declared war on Iraq, and we declared war on Recy.

Okay, no Recy means no Recy. No talking to her, no sitting next to her in class.

Don't even look at her.

But, Joan, she's my roommate.

Yeah, well, after Brian, she's going to go after your man.

Men.

That trifling slut.

You know, she is one sister -hating sister.

We need to bring her down by any means necessary.

Okay. On three.

We hate Reese.

One, two, three. We hate Reese.

Hold up, Joan. There's no way I could have been a part of that pact.

She was my roommate.

Lynn, help me out here.

Okay, January 1991.

I got nothing.

I see L .A. in the house.

Lucy, you look amazing.

Yoni.

Let's not pretend now.

Well, what can I say? The girl can't hold a man, but she sure can't hold a

grudge. I'm out.

This is Miss Baumann.

Age discrimination is not an easy thing to prove.

I can't think of any other reason why they didn't hire me.

Oh, yeah. A restaurant like Tata's is going to be looking for a certain

kind of waitress.

So, I got Tata.

Well, hello there, Dan.

Ah, Mrs. Wilson.

I'm just finishing up with a client.

You just give me a second.

Well, Mrs. Baum.

I think this cake is going to be worth millions of dollars.

Millions of dollars? Oh, yes.

But I just want to get my ass pinched. All right, awesome.

Thank you.

So,

Mr. Sweetelson, I have five minutes before I need to get back to the office.

Would you care to join me?

Dad, I happen to know this table is your office.

No. This table's where I have lunch with my clients.

That table's my office.

Certainly saves on overhead.

I'm all about efficiency.

It's one of the things we pride ourselves on here at Denton. Oh, drop

charade, Dent.

I know you're struggling.

Totally understandable in this economy. But have no fear. I am here to throw you

a lifeline.

Perhaps this is something we should discuss in the conference room.

Your old job's still available.

Same salary, same office. All is forgiven. What do you say?

I think the reasons why I left your firm haven't changed.

So I'm going to have to respectfully decline your offer. Oh, come on, Dad.

need this job. You've got a baby on the way. I don't know what you heard.

It's my sister's baby. It's just my nephew.

He's your son. He's my nephew. He's your son. He's my nephew. He's your son.

Okay, he's my son and my nephew.

Well, all righty then. I'll wait for your call.

You might be waiting a long time.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my next client is here.

Oh, yes.

Bubbles versus Lion King on ice. This is going to be a landmark case.

Look, Joan, I am going to be in this wedding, so we need to deal with this

now. So if you have something to say, just say it.

Get out of my house.

I can't believe you still think I stole Brian. Oh, no. I don't think. I know.

Bam! Here come the tickets.

Hey, Huggy.

You ready for the Hammer concert tonight?

That's tonight?

Yeah. Oh, Huggy, I completely forgot. I'm leading study group tonight.

Oh, oh, oh. I'll go.

I'll go. I'll go.

But you've got to go.

These tickets cost me some serious bill.

Can't you sell them and stay here with your hoogie?

Hey, Brian.

Hey, what's up, girl?

I heard you have an extra ticket.

You take me and you can touch this.

Bye, Joan.

Come on, hoogie.

Hold up. You make me sound like some kind of slutty

skank. If the hoochie skirt fits.

Like I would even say all of that in front of you. And as I recall, your

bookworm butt practically threw him at me.

Hey, Huggy.

Hey, you know about my nine -month rule?

My bad.

Look, you ready for the concert tonight?

Concert? Boy, I'm studying it. You should be studying, too. You know your

ass is dumb.

Well, what about the tickets?

Shove them up your dumb ass.

Now, Huggy, that ain't right.

Oh, you know what?

Tony, want to go?

Pretty good seats.

If it's not front row, Tony Childs can't go.

Now get on.

Take Reesey.

Oh, no, that wouldn't be right.

Brian's your boyfriend.

I can do a lot better than Brian, okay? Just take him to the concert. Have fun.

Marry him. Just get in the hell out of my room.

Oh, yeah, you'd like to believe it happened like that.

Look, I'm exhausted and we are getting nowhere.

No, I'm very clear where we are. You stole my man.

He wasn't yours to steal.

Well, then why was he my hoogie?

If I had a hoogie, one more time, that's all.

We were going to be married. Well, did Brian know that? Well, of course he did.

We were secretly engaged.

He was saving up for a ring. He loved me. And if it weren't for you, I... I

would be the one that was married. I would be the one with two kids. And I

be living your happy life. You want my happy life? Yes. You want Brian's? Yes.

Fine. You can have him. And you can have the AIDS he gave me, too.

I'm evil.

I yelled at a dying woman.

I can't even imagine what she's going through.

Two kids, right?

Oh, shoot.

And I'm godmother to one of those kids.

Am I legally bound? I only agreed to that in a ceremonial sense.

I haven't seen that child in years.

Tony, this woman is sick. And you've been over there worrying about how this

affects you. What?

I'm not good with death.

Or kids.

Oh, my God.

You guys, Reese saved my life.

If she hadn't taken Brian, that could have been me.

Oh! And Tony Charles is being selfish. What about this heifer?

But seriously, Lynn, if anything happens, you gotta take my godchild with

They're like puppies, you know, they need another one to play with.

Tony, you need to get down on your knees and repent.

And Joan, stop feeling guilty.

There's just another way for you to make it about you.

We need to be thinking about Recy right now, not feeling sorry for her.

Because right now she's very much alive. We need to focus on that.

She doesn't need to be reminded every five minutes that she's sick.

Can I get you anything? Like maybe a pill or a blanket or some soup? We have

juice. Would you like some NyQuil? Lynn, I have AIDS. I need a cure, not some

stuffy head fever so I can rest medicine.

I'm sorry.

I just felt like I should do something.

I'll take a foot massage.

Okay, you got it.

Wait, wait, wait.

Can you see?

I found this heating pad in the back. Okay,

you guys, enough.

Uh -uh.

You can't just drop drama like a life -threatening disease and expect us not

react. We're all about drama, and it must have its moments.

Fine, you have one minute. What do you need to know?

Um, are you okay?

I'm stable on my meds. My viral load is down.

I get tired sometimes, but overall, I feel pretty good.

Are you HIV positive, or do you have full -blown AIDS?

Full -blown AIDS.

Don't worry, girl.

This is an outbreak.

It's not airborne.

Well, I don't know. I mean, you know, you hear things. You did not hear that.

Maya, it's only transmitted through blood and semen, so I think everybody is

okay.

Do you know how Brian got it?

From another man.

Oh, my God.

He couldn't use a condom?

No, because if he put a condom in his pocket, then he'd be admitting to

that he was going out to have sex with men. And that would make him gay, which,

according to him, he's not.

So, where is Brian now?

Back home, living with his mom.

God, let me see.

I am so sorry that I have held such a stupid grudge for the last 12 years.

And I'm even more sorry that I'm making you relive this.

And for apologizing, I did steal Brian.

What? You've been right all along.

I stole him. He was fine.

Karma's a bitch, huh?

Don't say that.

Don't even think that.

Well, I got a question.

Did you spend all your lotion money on medication?

Because, girl, you're Peter Ashy.

Oh, I know you are not talking with those big old chicken -chasing country

on you.

So, Joan, tell me about this boyfriend of yours.

Why? So you can steal him, too?

Well, that depends.

Are you secretly engaged?

I've grown, but I am not in a laughing place yet.

Oh, girl, please. We've been laughing. I mean, really, Joan. Who do you think

was going to be dumb enough to fall for a secret engagement?

Says the woman who fell for the invisible condom.

I love Jabari. He is a miracle to me.

Damn it. Oh, my God.

You guys, it's okay.

See, I just get a trash can.

Hot. The vegetables, pots, cutting boards.

Then we torched the whole kitchen.

I'm just kidding.

Come on, you guys. I feel awkward enough as it is.

Well, can someone at least get me a Band -Aid?

I'm sorry, Reese.

Look,

I'm in here for you, okay?

Reese, hold your finger above your head. Todd taught me that.

He's a doctor.

Girl, that's how y 'all's marrying a doctor.

Tony, not about you right now. What?

So, um, I guess we should do something with this. Don't touch that. Don't.

stop tripping. Nobody's gonna get infected here, okay?

Just throw the knife away, too. You don't have to throw it away. Just wash

No, it's okay. It's an old knife. Just throw it away.

Look, you can check with the CDC or the APLA. Once the virus hits the air, it's

dead.

If it makes you feel better, you can run it through the dishwasher.

Well, Vance, I'm glad you finally came to your senses, decided to take the

offer. Not so fast.

I've been doing a little checking.

You've been having trouble keeping my clients happy since I left the firm.

And you were right.

I need a little job security now with my nephew's son on the way.

So, you sign off on this number.

I'll report to work in the morning.

Ah! Dent!

This is way too much money for a man who has monkeys for clients.

But I can't agree to this number.

And I'll throw in a mini -fridge for your office.

This number and a company car.

This number... and a scooter.

Electric.

Deal. Yes!

Joan Carol Clayton take this man to be your husband?

Well, of course I do. That's why I'm here.

I do. I do. I do.

I do.

I do. I do. Oh, hell, y 'all. She done killed Tony and stole the wedding dress.

Tony! Tony, are you here?

Stop yelling!

Why can't you take y 'all nowhere?

The word on the street is you're jealous of Tony for getting married, huh? Oh,

yeah? Where is that, huh? The corner of Maya and Lynn?

It's not me.

I know. Don't worry.

Some lucky guy is going to marry you.

Oh, God, thank you.

Um, when?

Oh.

Oh.

Well, gorgeous.

Joan,

you look beautiful.

Save those tears for the wedding, girl, but it'll mean something.

You know, I see you in that dress, and I started thinking about seeing my

own daughter in her wedding dress, and I got scared.

I might not be around to see my baby get married.

Oh, no, Reesey.

No, no. Of course you will.

Sweetie, look, um...

God, I just got my good friend back. You're not going anywhere.

Yeah, girl.

Come on now.

I've got three kids to raise. Look, Gracie, you shouldn't worry about your

daughter's wedding.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Nussbaum. I'm going back to corporate law. But I do have a list

of names here.

Now, any one of these lawyers will be able to handle your case.

I'm sorry. You won't be representing me.

On the other hand, now we can date.

We can't date, Mrs. Nussbaum.

Oh, no, Fred. I saw how you looked in my top hat.