Original subtitles

Okay, Lynn.

While Monica and I are in Italy, I want you to get the mail, bring in the paper,

and clean up after the party.

What party?

When this flyer was on my car.

Got it. Clean up after party.

There's just one thing. You haven't told me what to do in the event of your

untimely death.

Because of the current political climate?

No, because when Monica finds out the only reason you took her to Italy was to

tell her you quit your job, your Roman holiday is going to turn into a death in

Venice.

Party, BYOB.

So you guys, this is it. What do you think?

Fabulous entryway.

Tony, this is the entryway, dining room, and living room.

Oh, yeah, and the bedroom, since the only real bedroom is for Jabari.

So the whole thing ends at that wall? Yeah.

Oh, girl.

You just hit me.

You're really poor.

The fleece looks pretty standard. So the only thing that's missing is your

signature. You know what, Joan? I don't really know now. You know what? I don't

know if I'm feeling it. You know, it does look a little small.

Oh, Maya, come on. It makes up in character what it lacks in square

Come on, sweetie. Sign the lease.

Lynn!

What do you think?

Hey, it has a roof on it. Take it.

Uh -uh, Maya.

Is this the bathroom?

Yes. I don't get it. Are you supposed to pee and shower in the same stall?

You know what? Tony's right. The bathroom is too cramped.

It's very European.

Sign. You know, I don't know. I just... Lynn?

Hey, that's windows. Take it.

You guys, you know, I don't know if I feel comfortable living on the ground

floor. No, no, no, no. Living on the first floor is great in the case of

emergency. You know, in case you gotta jump out the window.

Hey, that's true.

That's true. Think of it as insurance.

On those nights when you're considering suicide when this cracker box just ain't

enough.

Nice work on the ARCO motion.

My notes are in red. However, the key word is to think. Be so in your next

draft. Thank you, Sharon.

Once again, in the office, it's Miss Farley. It's all about respect in the

workplace, which reminds me.

I think I figured out why the partners don't like you.

Excuse me?

The partners don't like me? Oh, I'm sorry. Respect you.

Excuse me?

Forgive my bluntness, but it's all about the wardrobe.

The stiletto heels, the cleavage, the see -through tops.

Counselor, this is not a David E. Kelly show. The message that you send is more

interested in fashion than law.

With all due respect, I think that my work speaks for itself.

Well, your wardrobe is speaking louder and it's screaming restaurant hostess,

please just button up.

Oh, one more thing.

I was wondering if you'd be interested in joining my book club.

It's a group of very powerful women, and I think you could benefit from some

influential role models. You do read things other than Vogue.

I'm a voracious reader.

Come on, Joan, it was a joke.

Yeah.

Joan, I'm simply trying to help you to get to the top. I mean, that's where you

want to be, right?

So can I put you down as a yes?

Yeah, that'd be great. I'd be flattered. I might have to check my book. That's

the thing.

Yes. We're reading The Emperor of Ocean Park.

Okay.

Did you hear all that?

Maya, I'm confused.

Is she for me or against me? You know, Joan, I really don't know, but I will

this. Now, if you're giving away any of those shirt tops, give them to me. I

mean, now that I've got red, it's put a real dent in my field trips to the

outlet malls.

You know what? Maybe this whole book club thing is her way of trying to bond.

mean, maybe it's a test.

Maybe... Joan, I'm sorry.

You know, since you're coming to the book club, do you mind possibly hosting

Yeah, sure.

Or maybe... She's just using your ass.

Oh, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey,

do you need some help with your box?

No, I got it, brother. I'm cool. I got it. I got it. I'm your neighbor. I live

next door.

Unit 4. Right.

Yo, any serial killer can say they live in Unit 4.

All right, I'm going to need to see some identification, license, something.

Okay. All right, I see. And look at that right there. Uh -oh. Okay. All right,

well, this is good. Okay, I'm going to need to see you do this, though.

Oh, you got jokes.

I guess you want to carry this box yourself.

Well, actually, I thought maybe you could carry it.

Please.

Okay.

Yeah, I got it.

No!

Dang, girl!

What you got in here?

Weapons! I thought we were past a trust issue. Oh, well, we are, but I really do

have weapons.

Basically, I'm a woman alone, okay? And I... I mean, I'm a woman alone cleaning

my boyfriend Chignite's weapons.

You're a funny unit. Uh -huh.

Maya.

Jalen. Mm -hmm?

So, Jalen, you got someplace you need to be right now?

Well, what do you have in mind?

Form a box in the car. Excuse me.

William?

Si, bambina.

Why haven't you checked your office?

Because I'm on vacation.

With the most belladonna in the world.

Well, when I'm on vacation with an important man, I'm always more

when that important man checks his office. Because if they can run it

him, he's not that important.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Nothing!

William? What's going on at your office? Why are we in Italy and why are you so

nervous? Because my Italian's very shaky.

I mean, my Italiano is mucho shaky.

William.

I quit.

I didn't make partners, so I quit.

I've been out of the firm for about two weeks now. I wanted to tell you, it's

just... I've never been with a woman like you.

You know, you're sophisticated and you're beautiful, and I thought if I

you, I'd lose you.

Have I?

It's been fun.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

Ciao.

William called. He told Monica.

She didn't kill him, but she dumped him.

Glory! Hallelujah!

Who did that?

What's the matter, Monica? Did you hear? You have to click it.

Don't wish William to be alone.

What? What's wrong with you guys?

I mean, don't wish anyone to be alone.

It's hell.

I should know. I'm living it.

Every night, you know, I just wander around that little room.

I'm lost.

I don't even know what to do with myself. I swear, sometimes I feel like

going crazy.

Girl, that's... That's why gerbils go mad.

You can't live in that little cage.

Get yourself a wheel or something.

It's not the space, Tony, okay?

You know, I miss having someone there to talk to.

Hold me a night.

Take out the trash.

I don't know, you guys. I don't think I'm a person who's built to be alone.

If you give me Jabari's room for free, I'll take out the trash.

Oh, hell, I'll even hold you.

Maya, you just need to date.

I have the perfect guy for you. Perfect guy?

What about me?

Oh, right.

I've got a man. I'm sorry. Have it?

Yeah.

His name is Darren. He's a dermatologist friend of Todd's. And before you say

no, he's black.

Look, we'll double date. Blue Friday night, we'll pick you up? I can't date.

not ready.

She's the last time I dated. Ruined my marriage.

Well, one of us certainly is.

I didn't realize Propecia was so funny. See, what's so funny is that this woman,

I know, named her baby Propecia.

Wait till she finds out it's a drug for male pattern baldness, okay?

Oh, that's funny. I've got to call her.

Maya, did I mention that Darren and I interned together?

You know, I'm not really feeling the name Darren.

Too close to Darnell.

That's my ex -husband.

He let someone like you get away.

I tried to tell him.

So if you don't mind, I'm going to have to call you by your middle name. Now,

what is that?

It's Earl.

Oh, hell no.

Earl is the name of the guy who took my mom away from me.

Your mom was a lucky lady.

Huh?

Um, why don't you just call me Dr. Lucas?

Sweetie, I can't call you Dr.

Lucas because you're not a member of my HMO.

Lucas, now, any relationship to George Lucas?

You know, part of the Star Wars team?

Uh, no.

Are you sure?

I didn't see him on the family bus going to the Million Man March.

No, no, no. You guys laugh. Okay, but now he could be passing.

Right? A little tragic malacto.

Because he's got big money.

Big, big money. You can cash in. That's all I'm saying. Might want to check it

out. A little cha -ching.

I think I do okay as a dermatologist.

Oh, really? You do? Well, you know, no offense, but you're not the Papa Bush.

You're the black kid to make his kind of money. Oh, you know, speaking of

movies.

Speaking of movies.

Tony, keep up. We're not talking about movies. We are now.

Darren, man, your favorite movie?

Well, I like Psycho, but I don't think I should go there.

It's been a really lovely, lovely evening, and I hope that we do it again

Boy, we haven't even had dinner yet. I think someone should probably go check

our reservations.

I'll do it. Hell, you will. It's no problem. Sit.

Excuse me.

points are almost secondary to character development.

I felt like I knew these people.

Well, enough about my opinion. Joan, what do you think?

Well, since I joined the group so late, and since I was asked to host, and by

the way, there's a lot more crab salad in the refrigerator. Don't be shy.

Actually, only able to get to about page 200, but already.

Already I see a very rich allegorical thread, which I find very intriguing.

What's intriguing is that you would even venture an opinion when you're so

obviously unprepared. I hope you don't go into court like that, Counselor.

Well, Sharon, this is hardly court.

Oh, you allow your subordinates to call you Sharon?

How down with the people.

Joan?

We're all very busy women here, but we manage to read the book.

Yeah, this is true even those of us who write them.

Brilliantly. Here, here.

Joan, if you're not going to take this seriously, maybe you should leave.

Kind of hard to do that since this is my house.

Hmm, unprepared and defensive.

Who is this interloper, Sharon?

I'm a strict vegan. I thought you knew that.

Oh, there's hummus. Just here, Miss Parker.

I'm allergic to chickpeas. Didn't you get my food allergies list?

But back to the book. Joan, there's nothing remotely allegorical about the

novel. If anything, it's in the realist tradition of Steinbeck.

Well, see, I was thinking that the Steinbeckanism probably kicks in around

201.

Steinbeckanism? Girl, you need to quit while you're ahead. That's not even a

word.

Please excuse me.

I have something to do in the kitchen.

Oh, hopefully something constructive like finishing the novel.

Allegory. Wait till I tell the author that.

You know, I caught him on speed dial. Let me see if I can get him.

Mama, was I wrong?

I mean, Propecia is funny, right?

I gotta go. Someone's here. Yeah, I'll see you on Sunday.

Yeah. Oh, you better save me some catfish.

Okay.

Girl, it's me, Jalen. Drop the pepper spray.

You're lucky you announced yourself because she was about to get it all up

here. Oh, all up in here. Yes, all up in the frontal.

What's up?

Well, I hope it's not too late, but I got some of your mail again.

Yeah, come on. Thanks.

Okay. Yeah.

You want some coffee?

Wait, you know what? I haven't unpacked the coffee maker. How about some tap

water? Same color as the coffee.

You know what? I'll pass.

So, how was your date?

Oh, Lord, it went straight to hell before the dinner arrived.

Oh, if the guy was a loser, huh?

No, I think it was me.

I'm no business dating anybody.

Well, you're too beautiful to sit in the house.

Unless you're crazy, because you know what people say.

If a girl's halfway attractive and she doesn't have anybody, it's because she's

nuts. Oh, really? Well, I may have proved them right tonight.

Oh, my God.

What, bad news?

Not unexpected.

My divorce is final.

Oh.

Damn.

Oh, hey, look, I'll just go, you know?

No.

I don't think I could take another man walking out on me tonight.

Oh, Maya.

Where is Sharon Up Yours Farley now, huh?

Huh? I'm on page 463, and if this isn't allegorical, I don't know what the hell

is. This is allegory.

Jalen. Oh, my God.

Maya. No.

Who's Jalen?

My neighbor from unit four.

Maya. Did you just have sex?

Uh, yes.

Well, then where is he? In my sofa bed.

Girl, you were right about one thing. I am thankful that I'm on that ground

floor because I was able to grab my purse and my keys and jump out the

window.

So you had sex.

You did use protection, right?

Girl, yes. It was Fort Knox up in there.

Don't do that.

Do not laugh, okay?

Right? This is not about my body. This is about my soul.

I mean, I don't know why I slept with him.

Well, I mean, yes, I do. I need a comfort. But I don't sleep around, Joan.

That's not what I do.

You know, I've never slept with anyone except Darnell.

I don't know what came over me.

I mean, I don't even have feelings for this guy.

Sweetie.

Welcome to being single.

I don't even know his last name.

Welcome to being Lynn.

Hello, William.

Monica!

I knew you'd come back.

Did you?

Yeah, I stole your passport.

You don't think I'd bring a woman all the way to Italy and tell her the worst

possible news and let her walk out on me, do you?

I'm not an idiot.

Yes, you are.

You quit.

I deserve that partnership.

They undervalued me at the firm. They gave me no choice but to quit, and I'm

going to apologize for it. William, I had a lot of time to think on my way to

the airport.

And when I was detained by customs because I didn't have my passport, I had

time to think.

I have invested...

And I don't walk away empty -handed for my investments.

Well, I hope I'm more than that.

Of course you are. That's why I came back. Hello.

Monica, is this your way of telling me that you love me?

William, I enjoy you.

Love is a romantic notion.

Even if it exists, it dissipates in less than a year.

What we have is real.

We're a team.

So, I'm going to give you another chance.

Again. And you're the only man that I've ever given that many chances to.

Oh, Monica, you do love me.

Don't get mushy and blow it, William.

Because this really is your last chance.

So be a good boy.

You know I love it when you talk like Mama.

Maya, we... can't avoid each other forever.

We can try.

Come on.

Listen, Jalen, okay, about last week, when I... Jumped out of the window?

yeah.

It's cool.

All right, I get it. I wasn't trying to be your rebound guy.

I was just trying to be a good neighbor. You know, bring your mail.

I didn't mean to lick your envelope.

Come on, lighten up. All right, let's laugh about it.

Hell, I need to. I never made a woman jump out of a window before.

Okay.

So just neighbors, right?

Strictly.

Now, if I come over to borrow some sugar, I'm talking about the stuff you

your cereal, not the stuff you put on me last week.

Oh, see, now you got jokes, right?

Okay, whatever.

See you around.

Unit 8.

Okay. Unit 4.

Oh, good night, Miss Farley.

Joan.

8 .57.

Half day, huh?

I finished the book.

And? And it was good.

I liked it.

That's all you have to say.

I think it's best that way.

Miss Clayton, we're discussing the red tent next week.

Wouldn't miss it.