Original subtitles

They're rose petals, Tony. Apparently you can blame a guy for trying.

It's Valentine's Day.

Oh, thank you, baby.

And you brought me breakfast.

Uh -huh. And more importantly, a gift.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

Read the card first.

Why? Is there a bigger gift in there? No, because it's polite.

Oh. Right.

with a picture of a black couple running across the field of something that

looks a lot like cotton.

They're wildflowers, and what's your problem with it? There are plenty of

Valentine's Day cards.

Why do you want to choose the black one?

Newsflash, you ain't black.

You're trying to be culturally sensitive.

Give me a break. I've never dated a black woman before. I thought you'd

appreciate it.

Okay, just open your gift.

So I guess I picked the right gift.

But, baby, let this be a lesson to you.

Always let me open the gift first.

That way the card becomes meaningless.

for dinner, Monica, but I don't know what I'm getting off.

Get off that phone, Mr. Dent.

Oh, you heard the judge, baby. I got to go.

Happy Valentine's Day.

William, when are you going to stop playing these games and just tell Monica

that you quit the firm?

Oh, it's Valentine's Day.

I'm not going to mess up my nookie.

So when are you going to tell her?

When I feel like it.

Good day, ladies, and stay out of my business.

Even though my business is one big gigantic lie.

Shut up. I'll tell her when I'm damn good and ready. Bye, William.

Thank you, ladies, for coming.

This better be good, and you're welcome.

It is.

This year, I've decided to start a new Valentine's Day tradition. Instead of

fussing over men, I decided to put the focus on those who give me love

throughout the year. My girls!

What did Ellis do now?

Nothing, and that's a good thing. In fact, I... I told him to pretend it

even Valentine's Day. Because let's face it, men don't have a clue how to

properly celebrate it, all right?

So, sisters, we're going to be doing it for our sales, all right?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Well, thank you. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you.

So,

what'd you get me?

I didn't know we were going to need any sisterhood affirmation this year. I

mean, since you got a man, Tony's got a man, I got a man, Maya got... Maya what?

Huh? That's it?

Maya didn't have a man? Idiot went out and screwed up her marriage?

Did you guys even think about how this day would make me feel? Oh, well, oh, my

God, I'm sorry.

Maya, I guess I didn't think. No, no, you weren't thinking, because no one was

thinking about Maya. Did Maya get flowers? Did Maya get a car? Did Maya

little peekaboo nightie? Uh -uh.

Maya didn't get diddly, but you know what?

I'm not petting. I'm not. I hope all of y 'all get what you want. I do. In fact,

I hope Cupid shoots an arrow through all y 'all's asses.

She's so lonely.

Try being horny on Valentine's Day.

So, the poet's still claiming he's celibate? And get this, that fool just

to have a candlelit picnic and then just talk.

What's wrong with that?

That's what every woman wants.

No, Joan, that's just you. I want to do the do and go the go.

Tony, child, what are those on your ears?

Sapphires from Todd. Todd gave you sapphire earrings?

That's not fair.

Ella doesn't give me squat.

I thought you told him not to.

Oh, shut up.

The fool hasn't even mentioned Valentine's Day. Yeah, well, he's an

he's acting like it's not Valentine's Day.

Oh, the hell with your fool.

Let's talk about my fool.

What would you think if your man gave you this card?

I'd think, so what? He gave me a sapphire earring.

But he gave me the card because I'm black.

I'm the first black girl that he's dated.

And? And that's all I am to him. His forbidden fruit. His chocolate.

So what? At least your butt got something.

No, no, no. Tony's right. When somebody tries this hard, usually there is

something behind it.

Exactly.

Racism is alive and well and living in that little Jewish boy.

And what you just said is racist.

Oh, shut up. You're just mad because you didn't get anything.

Oh, no, no, no. It's not mine. I'm sorry. I haven't ordered yet.

Are you Joan Clayton?

Yeah. Then it's by you.

No. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I don't get it.

Girl, just look under your feet.

Happy Valentine's Day,

baby. Breakfast is on me. Now hurry up and eat. Then run to the office and get

your next treat. Love, Alice. Oh, my God. You guys are sending me on a

hunt. I told them to forget Valentine's Day and it worked.

I'm going to go.

See?

Plain, simple card.

No black folk, no drama.

You got your bracelet, your flowers, your favorite CD.

Now go home and change so you can come and see me.

Go home and change so you can come and see me.

Okay, think, Joan.

Think, Joan. Think, Joan. Think, Joan. Okay.

Oh, he loves to read. I'll give him this book. Oh, I'm waiting that.

My book.

Okay, well, then get your ass to a bookstore and get yourself another one,

because you ain't got anything else to do tonight. Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, God, I'm sorry, girl. That was a little bit harsh. You know what? I love

you, and we will cry together tomorrow, but this is my first really good

Valentine's Day, so I'm going to go and change. I'll see you later.

Hi, hi. It's not him. That's on him.

What's with Jimi Hendrix?

Oh, he's my Valentine's Day gift for Ellis. Well, him and this book.

That you found on the ground.

Serenade's Eyes, 24 hours a day, over 3 ,000 tunes.

Hey, you're not here for small talk, okay? Just keep that thing primed and

to go.

I only had a nickel for every time Monica said that to me.

Speaking of Monica, where did you think you are tonight, huh?

Night court?

The ha -ha's on you because I plan on telling Monica the truth.

Oh, good for you, William.

God, I know how hard that is. I'm proud of you. Don't be too proud of me. I plan

on liquoring her up and crushing her dreams in a public place.

I may not survive, but there'll be some witnesses.

Ellis, I'm worried.

Please call me. I'm still at Blue.

Hey, look, I got another gig to go to. It's like my busiest night. Can I just

play something?

Whatever.

Okay, just go.

Joe, Joe, go.

Maya, please tell me you've come to deliver my next clue. Sweetie, no time

clues, okay? I gotta give it to you straight, all right? Now, I know, I know

a little bitter about this holiday, okay? But I am taking no pleasure in

you this.

All right, I'm just being the girlfriend, so don't shoot the

Maya. Okay.

Girl, on my way to Barnes & Noble, because remember, I didn't have anything

better to do.

I saw Alice at Saw Cafe with another woman.

I don't understand.

Okay, so let's see it here. Okay.

Rose of the red, violets of blue, your man is over there cheating on you.

Joan.

Joan, this is Sylvia.

And my son.

Sylvia had a small part in the movie I did.

We dated for about a year and then we broke up.

Haven't heard from her until now.

I had no idea.

Were you in love with her?

Yeah, but it didn't work out.

I mean, we had fun. We just knew we didn't have a future together.

Until now.

A baby.

A baby?

Wow, Joan, I'm going to be a father.

It takes a little more than fertilizing an egg to be a father, Ella.

What are you saying?

I'm saying, what are you going to do?

I mean, where does this leave us and where does this leave me? For God's

Joan, I just found out I'm going to be a father. Okay, I'm sorry.

What are you going to do?

I don't know. I found out five minutes before you did.

Excuse me, but this affects me, too.

I'm going for a walk. Wait, Ellis, Ellis, I didn't mean... Look, I'm coming

back. I just need to clear my head.

Okay? Okay.

Carl,

we left in a huff. What happened?

I messed up. No, I know. I heard that part. I just didn't hear what set him

I asked him how this whole thing affected me.

No, you didn't.

Joan, the man is having a baby. And unless you're the baby's mama, you ain't

booty to say except how many ones do you need?

I know.

But I can't help the way I feel.

I mean, there's always something with Ellis. First it was his ego drama. Then

was some Hollywood drama. Now it's baby mama drama.

I mean, I don't bring any drama into this relationship.

I am such an easygoing girlfriend.

Joan, slow your roll. I know you're in shock, but don't get delusional.

Why couldn't she have just told him in a letter?

From Guadalajara.

I'm being totally selfish.

See, Mommy?

But, sweetie, you know, if you can't handle this, then you have to get out.

Because what's really important right now is what's good for the baby.

Joan, I'm sorry. This needs more than a walk. I've got to go home and try and

figure this out.

Wait, Ellis, can I say something? I know this is not easy for you. No, look,

it's not about me. I'm not talking about me anymore, okay?

I'm talking about the baby and what's best for him.

And if I can add my two cents, I think what's really best for him is to have a

family.

And maybe you don't know if you can do that right now.

But you did have something with Sylvia once, and I think that maybe you owe it

to the baby to find out if you can make that work.

Wow.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're right. And I should start by talking to Sylvia.

I'm really sorry to ruin your Valentine's Day.

And what are you doing?

My feet are cold.

Put your shoes back on.

Now what are you doing? I thought I saw a spider.

Hold me.

Baby, I know what you're doing.

We talked about this.

Let's focus on each other's mental, not the physical.

Come on, this isn't fair. It's Valentine's Day.

And you're my chocolate.

And I want to eat it.

Or at least lick it.

Or hell, just let me unwrap it and look at it.

I think you're looking at celibacy as if you're depriving yourself from

something. For me, it's not deprivation.

It's enrichment.

That's what I want for us.

To connect on a deeper level.

Look, I'll understand if you can't. No, no, I'm fine.

Fine.

You don't have to go over there.

Trust me, I do.

Something for you.

I know I break you down.

She kissed as if she alone could forge the signature of the sun.

I closed my eyes, although I never knew the difference.

I stood before a brighter light that left a distance and then a feeling,

as if nothing were ever bound to repeat itself ever again, as if history had

been as masterfully created as the Great Pyramids and to reconstruct or relive

any given moment would have to stem from an understanding of how the pyramids

were built from the top down.

If one could understand such majesty, one would also understand that pyramids

were first made of flesh, and that kisses are portals, our sacred breath

shifting through hidden corrals and passageways.

I will find my way to eternity within you.

Wow.

I knew my soul had a G -spot.

I did.

Tony, this watch is fantastic. How did you find it?

And what are you doing in there, hon?

Come on out.

I want to show you my thanks.

Okay.

Sucker.

What you want?

Huh? Or you want a little pick and inning?

Ain't your mama?

Come on, Mr. Charlie. What you want?

What? It's your fantasy. I'm just trying to fulfill it.

Tony, is this still about the card?

Look.

I'm not about being your little ebony, erotic fantasy. I'm not interested in

being your black girlfriend. I'm more than that. I know that. Why do you think

I'm with you? Apparently because I'm black. No, apparently because I'm drawn

crazy women.

Tony. Come on, we come from different worlds, and my card was my half -assed

of trying to acknowledge that, really.

How would you feel if I gave you a Valentine's Day card with a picture of a

Jewish couple wearing beanies on their head, sitting at a deli eating a heart

-shaped bagel, huh? Well, first, they are called yarmulkes, and if it's heart

-shaped, it wouldn't be a bagel.

And I get it.

I'm sorry.

The thing is, Todd...

You're not the first white guy that I've dated.

And a lot of the time, it was pretty clear that they only wanted to be with

because they thought being with a black woman was exotic.

You know, I didn't make a big deal about it because I knew it wouldn't last.

Plus, I got a lot of great joy, which I knew would last.

But if that's all I am to you, I really can't handle it.

I want more than sapphires for me, baby. I want this to work.

So do I, baby.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Monica, I know it's Valentine's Day.

But there's something I really need to tell you and I can't put it off any

longer.

I just don't know how I'm going to say this.

William, you can tell me almost anything.

I mean, you're not married, are you? No, no.

Oh, my gosh, no.

Bisexual.

No. Monica, oh, my God. Have I ever given you any reason to go there? No.

I'm just...

Grasping at straws.

Well, you just had a physical, so I know you're healthy.

And you wouldn't do anything stupid like lose your job.

So, what is it?

You told her what?

I told her I was a bisexual.

I don't know whether to be ashamed that I didn't tell her the truth or worried

that she was okay with it.

So where are you supposed to be now?

Either back in court or with Ivan, my boy toy in West Hollywood.

But I'm not here to come out to you.

I'm here because I heard about the baby.

Are you all right?

No, I'm not.

I stood there and I said all the right things to Alice.

I was the bigger person. Hell, I was noble.

And he left me to go to her.

But what I really wanted was for him to see how noble I was and then say he

couldn't possibly leave someone so noble and stay with me.

And then his baby and his baby's mama would move to Zihuatanejo.

Joan.

I know.

I know. I'm wicked.

I don't deserve him.

I don't deserve Monica.

No one deserves that woman. She's like a fungus.

Hey, that's my girl. Yeah, the girl you're lying to.

Oh, shut up, you big selfish baby.

Let a good one go.

You farted? No.

Tell it. Oh.

He's beautiful, Joan.

It's beautiful.

My son, he was born at 3 a .m.

And... And I held him. I held him all night.

And as I was holding his little hand, I told him his daddy was going to give him

the best possible life.

But then it hit me.

How can I do that if I start off with a lie?

Joan, I don't want to be with Sylvia.

I want to be with you.

Oh, my God.

I know you were trying to help the other night.

But if you really want to help, stay with me.

I didn't know I was interrupting.

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just your bisexual friend.

Monica, I'm not a bisexual.

I just told you that so you wouldn't know what was going on. William, I know

you're not.

I just got tired of guessing.

So, just tell me. I've been playing a game and it ends now.

You're scaring me.

Please just tell me.

Okay. You know that huge case I've been trying?

Yes. The one that's been keeping me away from you? Spit it out. Won that sucker

and got a huge bonus.

Taking us to Italy, first to last.