Original subtitles

God, this is just what mama needed.

Right, boy?

Lynn, how much longer are you in the mud going to live here and move Chapel

Williams? Hey, if it ain't broke, and I am.

Hard work is its own reward, Lynn.

Look at me.

I started Tony Child's Realty six months ago, and I'm already turning a profit.

I'm successful.

I'm gorgeous.

I'm at peace.

God, I'm so bored.

What? All my jazz was not enough for me?

Because you're a drama queen. I admit, I do thrive in chaos, and you guys have

been stealing my thunder of late.

Uh -uh -uh, no, not me. Look, I have a dog, I got a hot tub, got a roof over my

head, and ooh -ooh, I discovered a love for something called the price is right.

Lynn, you lost the only job you've ever had, and you're penniless again.

Drama.

Okay, well, Joan's fine.

She lost two men in one night, no new man in sight.

The girl's nothing but a pent -up ball of sexual frustration.

Drama.

Well, what about William?

Oh, he loves Yvonne, thinking he's over her.

And he's not.

Drama.

Well, and Maya?

Please!

Cheated on her husband, stalked by her lover, and then tossed that when she got

busted? So basically, she pulled off a drama trifecta.

You know what this means?

I'm gonna start some men.

Martin with a stomach!

to take Jabari to color me mine. He wants to pay the cereal bowl that says,

Daddy, please take Mama back.

That's subtle.

So I can borrow your car?

Fine. Great. You did put gas in it because you know we were on E.

Maya, when are you going to get your car fixed? There's an oil slick in my

driveway. What? I laid down a pad. Yeah, otherwise known as my cookie sheet.

Okay, you know what, Missy?

Don't you get taxi with me. You know, if you're upset about me living here, I

can just pack up all my stuff and I can go someplace else.

No, you can't, because you're too embarrassed to tell your family that you

Darnell are separated.

Separated? Who's separated?

Ain't nobody up in here separated.

Maya, you've been living here a month. What do you call it? A 30 -day cooling

-off period, and you call yourself a lawyer.

Maya, you have got to talk to Darnell, okay? You need to initiate a dialogue if

there's going to be any hope of reconciliation.

By Friday.

Friday?

Friday? What you got going on here on Friday?

Nothing. Huh?

I just figured this being Saturday that Friday's an attainable goal.

Joan, if you got something going on here on Friday and you don't want me here,

just say, Maya, I don't want you here. I don't need to know why.

Fine. I don't want you here. Why? What the hell you got going on?

Nothing.

Is this about that stupid bring your ex party you've been trying to plan behind

our back?

How did you find out about that?

Oh, I'm your assistant and your nosy house guest.

Your life is an open book and so is your journal.

Why don't you tell us about your little party?

Maya, I thought I asked you not to mention the party. She's paying good

here at Drama.

She might need to get my car fixed.

Okay, is this one of those stupid parties where you bring your ex in the

that someone else can use them?

So you want to make you a sign, garage sale, previously owned man, no refund.

See, that's why I didn't tell you guys.

Because I knew that you would think I was desperate.

about meeting someone, you know? I mean, my soulmate, my husband, is out there,

and I'm not going to meet him sitting at home whining and moping about being

alone. Was that a hit on me?

No, it's a hit on me, okay?

So, desperate or not, I'm having my party.

Then it's settled. We're coming.

No, you're not invited, because we're friends, and friends don't date each

other's exes. Was that a hit on me?

Yes, that one was.

Who did you invite to your party?

My other friend.

You don't have any other friends.

Okay, so I'm being a little loose with the term friends, but it is amazing how

close you feel to the other women who share the uncomfortable silence in the

waiting room of the gynecologist.

Hey! Hey.

Hey.

Lynn? Hmm?

Did you notice a sign in the door?

Uh, no shoes, no shirt, no service.

I'm covered. I wore my shoes this time.

I'm talking about the help wanted sign.

You are looking for a job, right?

Well, not right now. I'm eating.

I'm not playing. I took you on as a renter, not a squatter.

You need to get a job.

I had a job, and you made me lose it. You owe me. No, no. See, that guilt trip

may work with these five sisters here, but it's not going to play up at Big

Willie's house.

I'm going to give you until the end of the week, then you're out on the street.

Speaking of last chances, John, I'll be at your desperate little bring -your -ex

party. How did you find out about it? One of my exes goes to your

Maya, turn it off.

You cannot watch Terms of Endearment over and over again.

I need to watch Terms of Endearment.

pull yourself together, okay? Because Auntie Joan is running out of ways to

entertain your son.

I think you cut on to that whole water the lawn game.

Oh, damn, I have to mark away from my pizza.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Joan, can you do it?

I don't want to be Shirley MacLaine going off on the HMO nurses.

Oh, Maya, you might want to put the drum on

pause because Darnell's here.

What?

him up a pizza.

Do you want a piece?

My mama's making a real dinner.

Hey, Daddy.

What's up, little man? How was your day?

Good.

All right, well, come on. Let's get going.

I want to beat the traffic.

Traffic is pretty bad.

Huh?

I said that.

Come on, Jabari. Let me help you with your bags. You know what, Joan? That's

okay. I handle baggage for a living. Okay. I can do that.

Kiss your mama goodbye.

Bye, Mama.

You know Mama loves you, right?

Right.

Wow.

That looks like that went really well.

Let's get you packed, sweetie.

William and I were pretty hot and heavy all through law school.

Then he took me home to meet with Mama, and it all sort of fell apart.

Well, Mama was always a pretty good judge of character.

Have you passed the bar yet?

I haven't liked working at the DMV.

Why did you two break up?

Oh, so many reasons. You go first.

Well, first of all, I didn't know there were so many reasons.

But mainly, we were in different places in our lives. Yeah, she's in her 30s and

I'm in my 20s.

Excuse me.

Joe. Oh, hey.

So, are they here?

Who'd you invite?

It's brilliant.

Greg and Dr. Clay Spencer.

Tony, you invited the two guys you were sleeping with at the same time?

That's crazy.

And full of potential drama.

You need serious help, woman.

Noted, but I'm bored.

I want to get some firework.

Okay, Tony, if I recall, Greg and Dr. Spencer didn't have beef with each

They both hate you.

Well... Drama beggars can't be drama choosers.

On the other hand, mama didn't raise no fool. Girl, I'll see you tomorrow.

Joan, I already got two numbers.

How about you?

Oh, actually, I've been focusing on hostessing. Oh. You haven't found your

husband yet, huh?

Well, you know, that could have been you.

But you gotta be 18 to marry in this date.

Oh.

You know what? Because I love funny old women, I'm gonna help you out. Because I

got to touch tonight. Hey, brother, come here. Hey, how you doing, man? Look, I

want you to meet... My ex. Her name is Joan, and she is fantastic.

Oh, sorry. I've already hooked up with the girls in the car putting in her

diaphragm. But if that doesn't work out, I'd love to call you.

Wait, he didn't get my number. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Oh, God.

Lynn, are you having as much trouble hooking up as I am?

Actually, I'm a little too hooked up.

Most of these women's exes are my exes, too.

Oh, wait a minute.

There's a guy who doesn't look too familiar.

I'll be right back.

Ooh, nice package. I'll see you tomorrow.

Great party.

Beating all these peoples wiped me out.

So, have you had any luck?

Girl, you don't come to these parties to connect.

There's something to do, something different from the club scene.

I mean, if you truly came to one of these parties expecting to get a

ratty bathrobe, and I wear my best booty jeans, and I get nothing?

What can I say, Joan? Even in my depression, I have a certain je ne sais

I give up.

I give up.

I'm a loser.

Oh, Joan. I'm a loser.

Loser, Joan.

Oh, Joan.

Before you hit the ledge, I mean, take one of mine.

Okay, I mean, I got a man, a good man. There was a point where I didn't know I

had a good man, but now I do, and I'm gonna get my man back, so.

The point is, I don't need any of these.

Here, you can take all four. I don't want your leftovers.

I want my own man.

They were all leftovers, Joan. Wasn't that the whole point of the whole

desperate party?

Okay, give me the best of the four, and on Monday, put the other three in my

Rolodex. Hey,

William, I didn't know you were coming home for lunch.

Had I known, I would have asked you to pick me something up.

Like Cece, you don't think fat meat is greasy, huh?

And you must think you're made of glass because you're blocking my sun.

Lynn, what have you been doing all day?

I think you want me to say I look for a job, so I look for a job.

You still think I'm playing?

Lynn, I don't care if you check into the Y. I don't care if you move back in

with your mama. I don't care if you sleep in the car. You don't have.

But I am not going to be the only person working in this house.

I mean it, Lynn. Get off your behind and get a job.

Don't make me drain this hot tub.

Hey.

Hey, Mama.

Hey, baby. How you doing?

Can I go play for a session? Yeah.

Hey, little man.

Hold up, hold up.

Bye, Daddy.

Bye.

Hey, thank you so much for being the one to bring him back and forth, you know?

My transmission is still...

Hey, hey, hey, Darnell.

You know, I was hoping if maybe, you know, you had a few minutes, maybe you

could take a look at it.

No. Don't have a few minutes.

Do you want a divorce?

I mean, because I don't.

But is that what you're leading up to?

Huh? I mean, it's been a month, and you won't talk to me. We need to talk.

Darnell, come on. You got to give me something.

I email you every day. I leave you messages at work.

I even sent you that stuffed bear with the balloons, and I get nothing from

I mean, not that I'm expecting balloons, but something, a word, a hint, a clue

as to where I stand with you.

I mean, where are we at this point?

Well, last I heard, I was a good husband and you were a cheating wife.

Darnell, nothing really happened. You gotta believe that. I just needed

to talk to. And yeah, yeah, I should have been talking to you.

Look, let's just not make the same mistake again.

I love you.

You know, I'll take a look at the car on the way out.

All right?

Well, Maya and I connected over terms of endearment. I didn't even really

remember you from the party, but when she said you liked it too, I figured,

the hell?

And here we are, watching the sequel.

Lucky me.

You want some more pizza?

No, thanks.

I'm all frozen pizza'd out.

It's good, though, isn't it?

Yummy.

You can't beat Costco for price or quality.

You shop at Costco?

I live at Costco.

We should go shopping sometime.

That would be great.

You know, I own this movie, so we can watch it anytime.

And we can turn it off if you just want to get down to business.

Maybe we could just turn it off and talk. You know, get to know each other.

Wow.

Sorry.

That was a little clumsy, wasn't it?

You haven't been on a date in a while, huh?

No, I spend all day working with computers, so I guess I've forgotten how

connect with people.

What kind of work do you do with computers?

I'm a software designer.

Wow.

That's impressive.

Yes, it sure is.

Yeah, I just finished a big contract with 3M, so now I'm just looking to

and, you know, find a little me time.

Oh, God, I hear that. I've had such a hard time. Oh, God, okay.

Okay. Oh, Ma!

Whoa. Whoa, God.

Are you all right?

I think your tongue blocked my air passage.

Ma? Ma, as in your mama?

I told you I was entertaining tonight.

I know.

And before you have intercourse on my new sofa, I want you to lay down some of

these old towels.

I don't know what they had planned. Some sort of unholy threesome or God knows

what.

All I know is my feet hit the street before that towel hit the sofa.

You got what you deserve to going out with some strange man on a first date

without your car. What if I hadn't been home?

I am the only friend you have with a working automobile.

Well, in my defense, Joan, I thought he was a nice, sensitive guy.

Got all misty over terms of endearment.

Oh, wait a minute.

He likes sappy movies, works with computers, lives with mom.

That sounds like Steven.

Oh, God, I'm sorry, Joan. That was one of my exes.

To this day, his mom makes Mickey Mouse pancakes in the morning.

See? See? That's a sign.

This whole day was one big sign.

I'm off men.

Yeah, right.

Until your next issue of Pride magazine arrives.

Okay, go ahead. Go ahead, laugh at me, okay? I know it's funny.

I mean, how many times have I been here?

Desperate and alone.

Actually, you know what?

I've never been here before.

I mean, tonight I sunk to a whole new low.

I tried to build a future with a man just because we were both Costco

Hey, hey, now, John, don't go beating yourself up now. Say, don't just let

anybody up in Costco.

Let me tell you guys something.

Tonight, when I was running down the Hollywood Hills, I came up with some

serious revelations.

One, I am not spending any more energy on men. And two, I'm one hell of a

runner.

I didn't stop to draw breath until I hit Sunset Boulevard.

So now I'm going to take all of my manhunt energy and I'm going to put it

goal that I have a shot of attaining.

I'm going to run the L .A. Marathon.

Oh, hell, if it's all your manhunt energy, shoot for the moon. Go out and

me a job.

You know, Joan, you've inspired me.

You're doing something about your situation. I'm going to do something

mine. Where are you going?

Do something I should have done weeks ago.

I'm going to go and return this Terms of Endearment tape because you know what?

It is costing you a fortune.

Hey.

I haven't seen you out here before.

Focus.

Focus.

So how's the drama hunt going?

Oh, good.

I went to a Weight Watchers meeting.

I walked in with all of this fabulousness. Talk about instant drama.

Those bitches tried to cut me.

They made me hefty, but they can run.

Tony, you know, you did me a great favor when you found me this house.

This is the life, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

William, do you think you're being a little hard on Lynn?

No.

Lynn made her bed. Now she can lie in it.

Guys,

could you please keep it down?

I'm trying to get some sleep.

I've got to get up early in the morning and look for a job.

Well, it better be before 5 because that's when the sprinklers come on.