Original subtitles

Good morning.

I'm in morning, Joan.

And there's nothing good about it.

William, that's enough wedding cake and that's enough champagne.

Where are my Swedish meatballs?

They were turning green.

And? And? That's enough. Come on, William. It's been two weeks and... Say

Joan. Since Yvonne left you at the altar.

You just had to say it, didn't you?

Come on, William. Look at you. You're a mess.

You're shaking. I mean, you've got to eat some real food.

I paid for the cake. I'm going to eat the cake.

I paid for the champagne. I'm going to drink the champagne.

It's my honeymoon, and I'll do it every day while I please.

William, I've really enjoyed having you as a guest, but maybe it's time for you

to ease back into the real world and go back home.

Home, Joan?

Yeah.

The home I bought for her. Okay.

It was just a suggestion.

You're welcome to stay. I'm just a little concerned.

Well, thank you, Joan.

But look at me. I'm fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my room.

I mean, my lanai in Maui.

You're so late. You ready to go? Oh, no, girl, you go ahead.

No, it's okay. I'll wait. No, I still have some files and things to go

Girl, you know me. Work, work, work.

Yeah, I do know you. And I know I don't want you and Stan in my office.

Stan. Stan.

Joan, I... Look, everybody except for Darnell knows that you're still seeing

him. I am not still seeing him. Swear right now to God, Maya.

Okay, maybe I am still seeing him.

But really, God and Joan, he is just a friend. Yeah, whatever.

if you want to risk ruining your life fine that's up to you but don't do it in

my office or on my desk

here. What is that? Oh, you like it?

Yeah, it's called, uh, Maya.

Really? Yeah, yeah.

So, um, where can I get some Maya?

They don't sell it in the stores. It's too expensive.

Dan, do you think

men and women can just be friends instead of, well, you know, friends?

Of course they can.

Look at us. We're just friends instead of, you know, friends.

Exactly.

Yeah, you're my boy. You're my girl.

Sidekick. My road dog. My ace boom.

Homie. Give me a pound.

Girl,

you are better than me. Depressed or not depressed. I would have put him out

long ago.

Okay, the man is... Funky.

You know, there's a theory that when a person slips into a depression, you have

to let them hit rock bottom before they can work their way back up.

William's going to be fine.

On the other hand, he could slip into a catatonic state.

Then your best bet's to leave him by the freeway.

You guys, I really appreciate your help, but as much as I want William out of my

house, I don't really think we should be talking about it while he's here.

Oh, it's okay, Joan.

I can barely hear you above the ocean waves.

Guys, sit down.

We are sitting down. Okay, good then.

We need to talk.

Stan and I kissed. Oh, God, we don't want to hear it. Wait, I do? Yeah, me

It's either that or talk about William.

That kiss was just...

piece of fickle.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. That's just nasty.

Kissing Stan was the worst mistake of my life. No, getting emotionally involved

with Stan was the worst mistake of your life. And I know that now.

While I was drying my face and icing my lip, I realized that I have been

cheating on my husband.

Everything I've been doing with Stan was wrong.

I loved her now. I love my family.

And that kiss was a light bulb that woke me up.

Well, I'm glad something woke you up. Because us telling you every five

that you were cheating was not doing the trick.

I never liked that guy anyway.

You were carrying on with him for how long? He never once sprung for a hotel

room or whisked you away for the weekend?

That's no way for a real man to carry on an affair.

You know, I need a white woman because I've just about had it with you black

men.

William. No, I'm fed up.

The whole problem with the world today is black women.

You say you want a good man, and then you cheat on him.

You say you want a good man, you leave him at the altar.

You say you want to help a good man, you throw away the meatballs he paid good

money for.

Okay, William, we know you're hurting, but you don't have to take your

frustration with Yvonne out on all black women. Oh, and this is coming from the

black woman who lured an innocent island boy from the warm sands of Jamaica,

where she...

Made him live in a rat -infested garage, and she lambasted him for buying her a

puppy dog for Christmas.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

My mama's garage does not have rats. Rats!

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Don't even get me started on Tony Chlamydia Childs over here.

I could go on, but I'm late for my hula lesson.

You told him I had chlamydia?

Oh, Tony, don't be so self -absorbed. We're talking about Maya.

Yeah. Stupid, cheating Maya.

Look, the important thing is that you broke it off with Stan before he, you

know... Tapped that ass.

Well, here's the thing about that. He did tap that ass?

No. No, no. I, uh... I didn't quite break up.

What's that?

Maya? Well, you guys, in my haste to get over here and have a girlfriend's

moment, I may have neglected to make it clear as such that I didn't want to see

him anymore. Maya, how could you not break it off with him?

Because it's hard.

You need to be a woman about yours, Maya, until Sloppy Lips is over.

Listen, girl, I don't have much experience breaking up with men. I mean,

been with Darnell since I was in high school.

Well, how'd you break up with a boyfriend before Darnell?

At recess, I kicked him in the coconuts and ran.

Well, try that.

And if that doesn't work, have Joan tell him that you've got chlamydia.

How's my baby doing?

Hey.

You know what? We need to talk about last night.

Listen, I know we crossed a line. I know you're a married woman.

And although this isn't going to be easy, we have to face the fact that...

We were in love with each other. That kiss said it. I felt it. And I know you

felt it.

Stan, I care about you. I do. And I value every moment that we've spent

together. But you're scared. You're scared. I know. I know. Look, we can

slow. Because I cannot lose you. Do you know what you did for me last night? You

woke me up.

When I left Atlanta, my world was dark. There was nobody special in my life. And

then I come to L .A. and bam!

I saw the light!

And the light was you.

You.

You light up my life.

You give me hope to carry on. Stop it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop

singing. Stop it. Stop.

I know I'm not a singer, okay?

But you make me want to sing.

We can't live a lie anymore.

We've got to tell Darnell about us.

What?

Are you crazy? Yes, I am crazy in love.

Now, let's just take the man out, sit him down, and tell him tonight. Oh, my

God, you never know.

Maria. Maria, Darnell's not the man for you, baby. You have made that clear.

And you cannot deny what we have.

Look, sweetheart, if you are too scared to tell Darnell about us, baby, I will.

Morning.

Hi. Hi. Stan.

Um, listen, I'll call you later. Okay, don't worry. Okay? We'll work this out.

Sweet, are you okay?

He said he's going to tell Darnell.

Oh, God.

I'm going to lose everything.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh.

Why

is

it that other people can go out and have affairs and get away with it? You know,

I go out and have one little affair and he wants to go and tell my husband.

Look, look, look, look, look. I have a lot of experience with men and trust me.

The guy's bluffing.

They do that, you know.

Okay, let me just get one thing straight.

Did he really sing You Light Up My Life? Yes. He knew all the lyrics?

Yes. Oh, yeah, this guy's psycho.

He may have some gender issues, too.

But this is all my fault.

Wait, where are you going? I'm supposed to meet Stan at Army, and I'm going to

do what I should have done. Tell the man to leave me the hell alone. No, no, no,

no, no. You are not going anywhere near that man.

You need to lay low.

Take some vacation time.

Maybe you should join William in Hawaii.

You know, I do know a guy who knows a guy who could, you know, arrange for...

Nah, then I have to date him again. I don't want to go there.

Listen, Maya, I'm going to work.

I'll tell him.

I've dated my share of losers, maniacs, and perverts. Believe me, I know how to

handle a singing sociopath.

Well, hey, hey, be careful.

Don't provoke him, okay?

Don't worry.

I'll handle him with kid gloves.

Maya hates your guts.

What? Don't interrupt. I got two minutes to do this.

Maya doesn't want to see you anymore.

Well, Maya's just confused. No, you're confused.

She tried to break up with you this morning, but you wouldn't listen. You

break into love songs from the 70s.

Did Maya send you to tell me this? No, I volunteered.

She's scared of you.

Scared?

All I ever did was be there for her, give her a shoulder to cry on, the love

support that she wasn't getting at home. So what's she got to be scared of?

Well, for starters, she's afraid you'll try to kiss her.

Nobody could face that kind of hell again.

She told you that?

Some other choice words.

But I can say I've already hurt you enough.

Look, Stan, I know I'm being a little rough on you.

But I just want to make it loud and clear that it's over between the two.

Fine. Fine, I get the picture.

Tell Maya she's got her wish.

I'm out of her life for good.

Well, now that you've probably lost your appetite, could you knock back that

water? Because we could really use this table.

Something's wrong. Lynn hasn't called yet. Maya, don't worry. Lynn can handle

this. You know what? You don't know Stan.

Do you know Stan?

and you didn't see that coming, did you?

I know you're going through some things, but you still need to be answering my

phone.

Joan Clayton's office.

Hey, Maya, it's Lynn. Oh, girl, girl, what happened?

Well, Missy, that little horn dog's been roped, tied, and put to bed.

So you did it? Yeah, piece of cake.

How'd he take it?

He took it like a man. He's hurt, but he'll get over it.

Oh, my God, Lynn.

Thank you. Thank you so much for giving me my life back.

You're the best. I owe you. You think you could get your mom to waive the rent

next month?

Lynn, I can't do that.

How was work?

Good.

How are you doing today?

Well, I thought about going parasailing, but it got too windy.

Look, William, you got to pull it together.

You're going to go back to work on Monday.

Sorry I've been such a pain.

Oh, no.

I understand. You're just going through a rough time.

I shouldn't have said those things about black women. No.

I was just hurt.

I love black women.

You know, my mother's a black woman.

Tyra Banks is a black woman. God knows I love Tyra Banks.

The flirtatious young lady who delivered my pizza today was a black woman. You

had pizza today?

Well, that's great.

That's a step.

You know, John, I love you, and you're a black woman. Oh, I love you, too.

But please, God, please take a shower.

Hi, how you doing? How you doing? How you doing? I was just, uh, schooling my

boy Stan here in a little game of Madden.

Stan, this is my wife, Mud. Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, what? Nice watch.

We met down at the Y playing ball tonight.

Yeah, I took the ball to the hole. Your husband laid me out.

I did try to take the man's head off, so I figured the least I could do is get

him a beer, you know?

You ready for another one?

Yes, please.

Right on.

Stan just moved here from Atlanta.

Oh, yeah? So I told him that me and Peanut on the crew would take him out,

introduce him to some of them L .A.

honeys. Yeah, man, I can't wait to meet Peanut.

And then... Hey, Maya, check this out.

Guess where Stan works?

Where, honey? In your building.

Like, a floor above you. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

It's nice.

I'm surprised you two haven't bumped into each other. I mean, come on, ain't

about what likes. Six black folks working the entire building.

Seven now.

Seven now.

Baby, so what's for dinner?

Meatloaf. Oh, my favorite.

Stan, you a meatloaf man? I love meatloaf. Loves meatloaf.

You know what I'm saying? Man after my own heart. And yo, bruh, mine's meatloaf

is banging. Oh, baby, come on now. It ain't that.

Yes, it is.

Girl, I'm trying to act all new in front of company.

Stan, she know her stuff is good. Yeah, I'm quite sure it is.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

You got a steak for dinner, man.

Oh, sure, it's cool. If it's okay with Maya, yeah.

No problem.

Cool, cool.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to bust if I don't get to that man I'm mad

about now.

Thanks.

What kind of thick and twisted game are you playing?

What game?

There's no game, baby. This is your life.

You can't run around and play with people's feelings because you don't know

you want. Yeah, I know what I want. I want my family. Oh, so Lynn tells me.

That among other things.

And you really lucked up, baby, because I had every intention of telling Darnell

everything down at the Y today.

Why didn't you?

Well, because I guess I don't make it a practice to bad kiss and tell, Maya.

Something you should learn.

Besides, why ruin his day? He's not the one out there creeping around, now is

he?

I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, and I know that I've driven you to this, but

that's crazy.

You know what's crazy? What's crazy is you giving yourself so much credit.

You've driven me to this.

You know, believe it or not, I can actually live with the fact that you

want me.

I just hope that you can live with me hanging out with my new best bud,

You're just going to tell Donnell about us?

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I'm going to have a lot of fun watching you squirm.

All right.

I've emptied the tank. Now it's time to get spanked. I thought you fell in.

I did. And while I was down there, I found your gang.

Funny.

Yeah. You ready to redeem yourself?

Let's do this.

That's the song you're humming.

It's just something I heard on the radio in the car. It's kind of stuck in my

head.

You light up my life. Oh,

you remember that?

That used to be your mama's jam back in the day.

Taking a day trip to the big island today?

No, Joan, I'm going home.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Gave myself two weeks to get over Yvonne. Those two weeks are up, so I

guess I'm ready to move on.

Well, it's really good to have you back, William.

It's good to be back.

Oh, oh, and you took a shower.

Two.

Will you stay and have breakfast with me?

No.

for me to shove off.

It's a beautiful day out there, Joan.

The sun is shining.

Birds are singing.

It's a nice thin layer of L .A. smog.

Oh, look, it's a perfect little cloud, Joan.

Looks just like Yvonne.

I think I'm gonna need another day.