Original subtitles

I asked you here today because I want to buy a house, and I want you to be my

realtor. Shut up.

Okay. No, no, no, no. That wasn't a shut up, shut up. That was a praise the

Lord, hallelujah, shut up.

Oh, William, I really need to sell something.

Last week, I actually went to Ross Dress for Less and bought a new regular

blouse from last season.

William, please tell me you're in the market for something that'll get me back

to Barney's.

Well, I'm looking for something with a big kitchen, because Yvonne plans on

learning how to cook. And then something with a big yard, because we plan on

getting a dog.

And then four bedrooms for when we have kids. But most importantly, it's going

to have to have a wine cellar. I didn't know you were a wine connoisseur.

I'm not, but I plan on drinking heavily once I have a wife, a dog, and some

kids.

The top -notch lawyering in that meeting, counselor.

Thank you. A couple more performances like that, we're going to have to change

the firm's name.

Goldberg, Sweetilson, McDonald, Lee, and Clayton.

Really? No.

I just love dangling the carrot watching you dance.

It's nothing racial. I love watching the white folks dance, too.

Oh, which reminds me, Mr. Sweetilson, what's the firm's policy this year

regarding Martin Luther King Day?

Same as every year we're working. But it's a national holiday.

Well, so are Veterans Day and Columbus Day, but we work on those days, too.

I mean, heck, with the tight economy, I think Christmas and New Year's are a

little iffy.

So, because of money, we can't take one day to honor a man who's changed the

course of American history?

Bingo.

Mr. Sweetleton. Hey, relax. Look, if you want to take Monday off, just use one

of your personal days and take it off. I know how important this holiday is to

your people.

My people?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Your peeps.

Mr. Sweetelson, this holiday isn't just for my peeps, my people, blacks, African

-Americans, or colored folk.

It's for everyone.

Dr. King's dream was that all people of all races be judged by the content of

the... Oh, gee, sorry, Clayton. I was having a little dream there

myself.

is great.

What does Yvonne think of it?

Well, I'll let you know when I surprise her with a key.

You mean she hasn't seen it?

Perhaps you should look up the word surprise.

And perhaps you should look up the word stupid.

What?

Neanderthal, you don't just club a woman over the head and then drag her to your

cave. You can't if it's a four -bedroom cave with a media room.

Look, William is doing a good thing here, so let's not spoil the festive

with a lot of assumptions, because we know what happens when we assume.

I lose my commission.

Look, all I know is Yvonne is going to be mad.

Mad about what?

Okay, let me break it down for you, William.

Buying this house for Yvonne without letting her see it first is like having

without foreplay. She might let you move in, but she's not going to get excited

about it.

Well, as far as foreplay goes, we're talking about Yvonne. What are you doing

down there? Get to it already, Blackwell.

And as far as I'm concerned, you all sound like a bunch of bitter women

begrudging me my happiness because you don't have a man who can buy you a

Oh, no, I'm not bitter. I'm not looking for some man to buy me a house because I

am a woman and I stand on my own two feet.

Aren't those the same two feet that stand on a cold concrete slab in a

converted garage?

Right now I'm bitter.

Just buy her their damn house.

I hope you two are happy. Rot in hell.

That's bitter and evil.

Yeah, well, that's what living in a garage will do to you.

Guys, okay, this is the part that we women dream about.

Buying our own house. Well, this woman is dreaming about a commission.

So shut it up.

Spoken like a true real estate agent.

said the lawyer. Says a friend.

Well, shoot, I wish Jonah would come waltzing in talking about woman. I went

behind your back, bought your house with four bedrooms, a self -cleaning oven,

and a big backyard for Jabari. I... Oh, hell, Jonah, I do wish that. Look,

William, you have to understand.

Women dream about picking out their own house the way they dream about picking

out their wedding dress.

That got to escrow.

Joan, I only wish for you that when you do pick out that dress, you have a man

that loves you so much that he surprises you with a house.

The only gesture he can think of that even comes close to expressing the

magnitude of his love.

So what you got now, counselor?

You two are going to be so happy here.

And he towed the same company line at Swedelson.

The firm is working, Martin Luther King Day.

Billable hours. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't care what their policy is. I am not missing Jabari's Martin Luther King

Day pageant or the sale at Big Bay.

Come on. Fish and pole.

What? A fish?

I wanted to go to Jabari's pageant. Then go.

No. I'm working.

I'm working to show them it's wrong.

Oh, and that's marching on Selma.

Hey, Joan, have you seen my... Oh.

Hey, Maya. Hey.

Stan? Um, give me a minute.

What's he doing here? I thought you weren't seeing him anymore.

I don't know. Maya. Joan. Maya. I don't know.

Let me go see what the man wants.

Hey.

Leave the door open.

I'm so sorry. I forgot.

I'm taking Monday off. Can we... Can we do lunch then? Well, it'd be hard to

wait that long. I'm awful hungry.

Think how much better it will taste if you have to wait for it.

So, uh, should we meet at our little Italian spot?

Sounds great.

Till then.

Ciao, Bella.

What do you mean with me in between careers right now?

I'm absolutely sure we can afford it.

Because I just bought it.

For who?

For us!

It's ours!

Surprise!

Oh, my God, I can't believe this. I know, I know!

I'm the big baller shot caller.

Well, we got four bedrooms. Which one do you want to thank me in?

William, how could you?

What do you mean?

How could you make such an important decision about our lives without me?

If I had told you I was going to buy the house, it wouldn't be a surprise.

Surprise?

You want to surprise me?

Surprise me with a candlelight dinner.

Surprise me with diamonds.

Surprise me by washing a damn dish.

Don't surprise me with a house. I don't understand it. You just said you liked

the house. What's with all the drama?

It isn't just about this house.

It's about you and me and our relationship.

Woman, I just bought you a whole house.

express the magnitude of my love for you, I don't know what does.

No. It expresses the magnitude of the control issues we got going on all up in

through here.

What? I gave up my career because you wanted me to. I gave up my apartment and

moved in with you. And even after I made all those sacrifices, you still

wouldn't set a wedding date. But I finally did set a date. After I gave you

ultimatum. So you controlled that one.

Ah -ha!

William?

William, I can't take this.

I don't want this kind of relationship.

What are you saying? You want to break up?

See, why do you always go there?

Whenever we get into an argument, you go straight to the end of the

relationship. That's just more controlling.

I can disagree with you without it meaning I'm walking out.

It just means I want you to change your behavior. I want you to start thinking

like a couple.

I should change.

I should be more like you want me to be.

I haven't found too controlling, does it?

Yeah, I heard about you and Yvonne.

I'm sorry. I really thought she'd be excited about the house.

You and me both.

Well, if you want to sell it, William, I might have a buyer who's interested.

So then you get two commissions on the house.

Actually, three. I represent the buyer, too.

But this is not about me. This is about you and Yvonne and what's best for your

relationship.

And if I just happen to make a small fortune in the process, that's just

will.

I'm not going to give Yvonne the satisfaction.

And if that means you have to stay poor in the process, then that's just God's

will.

What are you going to do with a four -bedroom house? I'm not going to lose.

I'm keeping my house. You keep this house, and everybody loses.

You lose Yvonne.

Yvonne loses you. I lose two commissions.

Why all the hurt?

You were on my side. I'm on my side. Always have been. No surprises there.

But you, William, you need to be on Yvonne's side.

That's what partnership is all about.

I don't know when.

Hey.

Happy MLK day in there, Clayton.

Heard you didn't take the day off.

I'm here as a symbol of protest.

Good for you.

Listen, uh...

I want you to know that those things you said did not fall on deaf ears, and

that even though the firm's policy has not changed, I have.

A little.

You've inspired me to subscribe to a full year of Jet.

You've got to love that beauty of the week.

Mr. Sweetilson, are you mocking me?

I'm just poking a little fun.

Oh, come on, Clayton, lighten up. I'll lighten up when the firm's policy

changes.

I shall overcome.

Well, that's fine. Just as long as you're behind your desk when you do.

Well, you were right.

This place is amazing.

Well, it better be for $650 ,000.

Oh, L .A. real estate's a trip. In Atlanta, I could buy the Falcons for

,000.

I'll have some.

Good thing L .A. has other things to offer.

I guess you'll have to show me.

William? Uh, what are you doing here?

It's my house. What are you doing here?

Uh, well, uh, Stan, you remember... Uh -huh. Yeah, what are the both of you

doing here?

Well, uh, we went to lunch, and, uh, you know, the line was really long. And

while we're in line, I...

mentioned your beautiful new house, and Stan had said that he wanted to see it,

and I thought, well, hey, it's only about ten miles from the restaurant, and

here we are.

Hey, William, I'm sorry, man. I hope this isn't a problem.

No, it's not a problem.

But I need to talk to Maya.

Will you just give me a minute?

Okay.

Me or Maya? William, we're not doing anything.

You must think I just tumbled off a turnip truck.

The man was foaming at the mouth, Maya.

Look, I'm a guy.

And although it's been made painfully obvious to me over the past couple of

that I don't know anything about women, I do know guys, and this one's after one

thing. The booty.

William, it's not like that, all right? We're just friends. No, no, he is not

your friend, Maya.

Men and women can't be friends.

Haven't you seen friends? Those people are all doing each other.

What about you and Joan?

Aren't you friends?

I help.

You and me.

I was going to take this to my grave, Maya, but you forced my hand.

Under the right circumstances, with the right Marvin Gaye CD and the right blood

alcohol level, I'd be all over the both of you.

You can throw in Lynn and Tony, too.

Girl, big Willie problem.

Never really been a problem for me.

I'm talking about William.

We had a big fight.

Oh, Yvonne, enjoy the house.

Life's too short.

Yeah, life's too short to sit with a man who doesn't understand me and is

insensitive to my needs.

Well, if you're looking for a sensitive man, might as well go lesbian.

God knows if the penis wasn't so finely crafted, I'd have gone there years ago.

It is a nice design.

Look, men screw up.

Your man screwed up, you got a house. My man screwed up, I got a dog.

You're doing okay.

I know his intentions are good. I just don't want his controlling nature to be

pattern in our relationship.

That's why you gotta educate him.

What better place to do it than a four -bedroom house with hardwood floors and

jacuzzi that fits eight?

Hey, how do you know?

Oh, when you move in?

You might want to fix the big hole in the fence.

Okay,

is everybody here?

Yes. Okay, Joan, why are we doing this? Partners aren't going to open up their

closed minds, not when money's involved.

This day isn't over. I'm not giving up.

But, Auntie Joan, we already did the MLK pageant at church today.

Yes, I know, Jabari, but we're going to do it again because we want to make a

difference the way Dr.

King taught us.

Let's do this. Come on. Yeah.

Very good.

Yeah? Okay. Now, remember, kids, project, enunciate. Yeah?

Project, enunciate.

And action.

I've always wanted to do that.

Joan, you have the opening remarks?

Oh, yeah. Project and enunciate.

celebrate the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

by acknowledging how different our country would be were it not for his

contributions.

If there were no Martin Luther King, I couldn't eat.

At the lunch counter, baby.

At the lunch counter, baby.

If there were no Martin Luther King, my mommy and daddy couldn't vote for

anybody.

Well, my daddy could. because he's white.

Lily, okay, so you've shared enough, sweetie.

If there was no Martin Luther King, the Lakers would suck.

Yes, true.

And if there was no Martin Luther King, Nancy Jones wouldn't be one of the best

lawyers at Goldberg's Hewson.

Somebody else and me.

think you could do it, but you did.

So everyone, in honor of Martin Luther King Day, you can all have the rest of

the day off.

Mr. Sweetleton, thank you.

Well, gee, I haven't been that entertained since the Lion King.

Which was the part that got to you?

Oh, so many moments, but I'd have to say when Simba was being attacked by those

hyenas. No, no, no, no.

With the pageants. Oh, yeah. Well, that would be the part about you.

Mr. Sweetleton, are you mocking me again? No, really.

If there were no Joan Clayton, we wouldn't have had that big win last

the week before.

Plus, you keep me hip -hop, Clayton.

It's hip, sir.

Oh, yeah, I'm down with that.

Now you're even more down and hip and hop.

That you're honoring Dr.

King. Yeah, right.

Listen, you know what would make me all that in a bag of chips?

If you'd hook me up with that kid's mother back there, she's a bad mamma

Yvonne?

How long have you been here?

And I'll start appreciating.

I

missed you.

I missed you, too.

And you know what?

I never thanked you.

Let's go christen our master bedroom.

Well, we can christen it, but it won't be ours.

Explain yourself.

I sold the house, Yvonne. That's why I'm here.

Tony's coming over with the new owners in ten minutes. They're not getting my

house, Willie.

No, Yvonne. They're not getting my house.

Yvonne, I already signed the papers.

There you go controlling again.

Well, there you go not appreciating. Willie, how are you going to sell the

without me?

Well, I sold the house because you said you didn't want it. Well, I changed my

mind. Well, change it back.

We were five seconds away from make -up sex, and now we're fighting again.

I heard somebody say once being married is having the same argument over and

over again.

I guess it's ours.

I don't really care what we argue about as long as it's in this house.

Yvonne? William!

I have no recourse.

Maybe it's up to the new owners if they want to back out.

Oh, well, that can be arranged.

Nobody wants a house that's a crime scene.

All I need to do is put a couple of slugs in the wall, talk about it on the

floor, throw out some yellow tape. Now, baby, baby, look, baby.

Sweetie, I know you want this house, but we're going to find a better one.

Together.

Foyer done.

On to our kitchen.

Mom, didn't we already christen the kitchen?

Oh, yeah, but not our breakfast.