All language subtitles for Girlfriends s01e20 The Burning Vagina Monologues

This is so great.

A night under the stars.

You know, I knew this architect who
built a skylight in his bedroom.

So the love he and his wife shared would
always be blessed by starlight as they

slept. That is so romantic.

To that meteorite. More to the odds.

Joan.

Sweetie.

This is it.

He's finally going to say those three
little words that I have been dying to

hear.

Yeah.

It's on.

Time for SportsCenter.

Stoked and ready to hear I love you, and
he didn't say it.

It's been four months. This can't be
good.

Joan, don't be so Victorian. You don't
have to wait for him to say it first. If

you love him, just tell him.

Well, of course I love him, but I don't
want to say I love you. I want to say I

love you, too.

You are right. A woman should never say
I love you first. Once she does, she

loses all of her power. This is coming
from a woman who gets relationship tips

from her hairdresser.

Excuse me.

I get my relationship tips from Sun
Tzu's The Art of War.

Joan, you're getting too caught up on
the words. You know, men aren't as

expressive as women.

He'll tell you in his own way. I heard
Darnell say I love you loud and clear

first time he handed me the remote and
said, baby, you too.

Guys, we're at the point where he should
be saying it. I mean, if I know that

Sean's the one, then shouldn't he know
that I'm the one? What happened to the

new Joan?

The one who's going to let things
develop naturally instead of backing

a corner with a double -barreled
marriage shotgun.

How'd this go with the whole art of war
thing?

Look, I'm late. Just read the book,
Joan.

Meeting Greg.

Something like that.

Something like that?

What's she getting all cryptic about?

She and Greg are having some problems.

Poor thing.

She's probably going to pick Greg up
from a bus stop and doesn't want us to

know.

Clay, I love it.

Your place is amazing.

I'm guessing Pierre Koenig, 1956?

You know your architects.

I should. I sold four of his houses, so
I know what they cost.

Yay for you.

Hey, Clay, this is a perfect spot for
the painting.

Well, I'd love to tell you that I put a
lot of thought into how it would fit

into the overall design of the room, but
tell the truth, there just happened to

be a hook in the wall there.

Wait a minute.

You hung it upside down.

No, I didn't. I think I would know.

Oh, yeah.

Your ex -boyfriend is the artist.

Ex?

Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?

The facts speak for themselves.

I am getting all your free time.

What are you, my palm pilot?

Tony, I can't control you.

You've made it more than clear that you
are a woman who does whatever she wants.

I just assume that since you're with me
every day,

I'm what you want.

All right.

I'm all out of clever repartee.

Sean,

we've

been together for four months now, and I
want you to know how I feel.

Every morning, I wake up smiling because
you're in my world.

I guess what I'm saying is I love you,
Sean.

Nope, not buying it.

What was wrong with it? Nothing. You're
auditioning for all my children.

Well, if you're such an expert, how'd
you tell Yvonne? Like most guys do.

By accident.

So you're saying I should wait until it
flips out? That's preferable. But if it

absolutely can't wait, I do have an idea
that may help.

First thing you do is you take yourself
a jar of olives.

You place them strategically on the
counter.

You look at the other person and you
say, olive juice.

Olive juice.

If you mumble it just right, it sounds
like you said, I love you.

Now, if they say, I love you too, you're
in. But if they look kind of confused,

just say, olive juice.

I can't believe I left the olive juice
out.

Okay, that is the dumbest advice that I
have ever heard.

Does it work?

Just say there are a lot of women in
town wondering why I left olive juice

on their counters.

Okay, John, here are those papers you
asked for. Oh, Maya, I could have waited

till the morning. Why don't you go home
to Darnell?

No, no, it's fine. You know, I just got
back, and I have so much catching up to

do. Maya, are you still avoiding
Darnell?

I'm not avoiding him, no. I'm taking his
phone call.

Besides, it's just a little too soon
after my surgery to get all familiar

my husband again.

Maya, I think you should go home. Don't
lecture me, okay? Besides, I have no

idea what a mess that temp left.

Hope you're not talking about Emily.

She was efficient, well -organized. She
anticipated our every need.

Oh, she fed y 'all, didn't she?

Double chocolate brownies every day. Not
to mention she harvested her own honey.

God bless her bee -stung hands.

Say, Maya, any other medical conditions
you may need to take some time off to

deal with? You know what, you guys? You
and Emily, fine. You can have Emily. But

let me tell you about your beekeeping
bitch, okay?

She filed the login deposition under F
for file. In fact, she filed all the

files under F. For file. And she put
some butt -ugly butt -tube kit on my

screensaver, and I can't get him off of
there.

Maya, that's her grandson, Chip. She's
doing all this temp work so that she can

fix his overbite. Oh, is that what she
told you to win your sympathy?

She's gunning for my job.

Okay, let me give you the lowdown on the
temp world, okay?

They are nothing but a pack of savage
dogs desperate for health insurance. And

should know, remember, Joan? You hired
me as the temp.

Yeah.

Whatever happened to my old assistant?

I dropped him off at the Greyhound
station.

Some people just can't handle the
violence in the big city.

Welcome home.

Hey, what's all this for?

It's for you.

I was thinking that you're the one that
helped me sell my first painting.

So I wanted to thank you, and suddenly
it hit me.

A new duvet cover? Real Belgian lace.

Greg, you can't afford this. I got paint
on your old one, right?

And, well, the point is, I was thinking
maybe we could christen it tonight.

It's been a long day.

I'm feeling a little icky. Maybe all the
smog. I'm just going to run and take a

shower. Oh, come on, baby. You know you
always smell good to me.

Like lilacs mixed with... Smog. Lots of
smog.

I want you right now.

All warm and funky.

Funky? Who are you calling funky?

You've hurt my feelings. Just get out.

Hey, look.

I'm sorry.

Would it help if I kissed you here?

And here?

And here?

Wait, wait, wait.

It felt real good right here.

John, there's something I've been
needing to tell you, and I haven't quite

figured out how to say it yet.

Just say it. That's the best way.

Here goes.

Um, Joan? Me too.

What? Huh?

Um, honey, I've been offered a job in
New York.

In New York?

Yeah, it's a really great job, and it
could really boost my career. It would

only be for six months.

You're leaving? Yeah, and then I could
transfer back to the L .A. office.

It's not like we wouldn't be able to see
each other, and then when I can't

visit, you know, there's always phone
sex.

If we really want to get hip, we can do
cyber sex.

I have enough trouble checking my e
-mail.

I want real sex. I want you.

I want more nights on the patio under
the stars. Honey, the stars aren't going

anywhere. It's only for a few months.

And as soon as I get back, we can pick
up right where we left off. And where

exactly are we leaving off?

With something really good.

That's it?

You don't have anything else to say to
me?

They're giving me a nice per diem?

Wait a minute, I know what this is
about. Hey, honey, I love...

What do you call this again?

Hair crisp.

Love it.

Now, how long will he be gone again?

Six months.

Well, John, you've gone longer than that
without Seth.

I mean, you ought to be used to closing
down a shop.

You're the one with the gone fishing
sign on your... Hey, hey, hey.

Now, you know I have medical reasons.

Guys, I took your advice, and I decided
to let things progress at their own

speed, but he wants me to wait six
months. I can't commit to that if he

even commit to saying I love you.

Joan, I already told you. Just tell him
how you feel. If he loves you, great. If

he doesn't, burn some of his stuff,
exhale, and move on.

Joan, it'll be okay.

Anyone can see how much Sean cares about
you.

It's just that it can be really hard
telling somebody something important.

Especially when you love them.

Hold up!

This is Joan's problem and you're
crying?

I mean, is that sympathy?

You know, I need to get home to my
husband and my child because obviously

is Armageddon.

I went to see Dr. Dunn this morning.

She told me I have chlamydia.

Oh, my...

from having sex.

Tommy, this is terrible.

You're lucky it's just chlamydia and one
week of antibiotics and you're cured.

Tommy, how could Greg do this to you?

I haven't told you the worst part.

Greg may not have been the one who gave
it to me.

What? Forget what. Who?

Dr. Spencer.

Just because you're burning does not
mean you're in hell.

Okay, well, who gave it to you, Greg or
Dr. Spencer?

I don't know.

I slept with them both the same night.

Oh!

Just no!

Okay, two guys in one night? I hope you
mean at the same time, because if not,

that's just sick.

How did this happen? You did use
condoms, right?

Well, not really.

What'd you do? Use them as finger
puppets?

Well, Greg and I stopped using them a
few weeks ago.

And Dr. Spencer?

He's a doctor. He's clean. You saw the
way he scribes.

What is wrong with you, girl?

Clean on the outside doesn't mean clean
on the inside.

Tony, have my safe sex lectures meant
nothing to you? You know, we need to

having some pop quizzes up in here.

It's not like I planned this, okay? It
just happened.

I'm telling you, there's something
serious between Clay and I. Yes. It's

Greg.

No, it's called chlamydia. And it's
between you, Greg, and Dr. Spencer.

Hey, what are you doing home so early?

What? I can't go to my own house early?

Last time I checked the mailbox, I said
Tony Childs.

Just a question.

The better question is, what are you
doing here?

I came to get my good shirt.

I am meeting someone for dinner.

A woman?

Yeah, a woman.

Are you sleeping with her?

What? Look, Greg, I have chlamydia.

Oh, my God. Tony, are you okay?

I'm fine.

No, I'm not.

I need to find out where I got it.

Oh, do you think I'm cheating on you?

No, Tony, this woman I'm meeting happens
to be an art dealer, okay? She may want

my work for her next show. Oh, that's
great.

Did you hear what I said?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't even know I had it.

But I swear, I haven't been with anybody
since we got back together. You know I

would never do anything to hurt you. I
know that, Greg, but we stopped using

condoms. And the doctor said that it
might be lying dormant in you.

We need to get that checked.

I will.

So I guess this means we can't. Uh -uh.

But we can still.

Uh -uh.

What about, uh... Now you know I have
never let you do that.

The where's Greg now?

Free clinic, I guess.

Tony.

Well, he doesn't have a doctor.

Well, why don't you have Dr. Spencer
check him out?

You just had to go there, didn't you?
You know what you're doing?

You are transferring your guilt onto
Greg. You're putting him through the

wringer. And you're making him out to be
the bad guy.

Well, he could be the bad guy. He could
have given me chlamydia. Who cheated on

whom, Tony?

The fact that I fell into the arms of a
gorgeous, successful surgeon is not my

fault. Joan, if Greg had completely
changed who he was and become the person

want him to be, none of this would have
happened.

You need to get your head right, Tony.

So, tonight's the big night.

Remember that trick I taught you?

What trick?

Follows it, Tony.

William, I love you too.

What trick?

I rest my case.

Thank you. I don't need to use it, okay?
I'm just going to lay my cards on the

table, tell Sean I love him, and see how
he reacts.

Forget your cards and lay yourself on
the table.

A man will say anything you want to hear
during sex.

I don't have Yvonne's name tattooed on
my ass because it's aesthetically

pleasing.

And hello to you, too.

Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I was just nervous.

But I'm glad to hear that you're okay.

Not as glad as I am.

But all I've been able to think about
since I left the doctor's office is how

did you get it?

Well, the doctor said that it could be
dormant, so if it wasn't dormant in you,

it must have been dormant in me.

Well, if you're the carrier, then why
don't I have it?

Power of prayer?

I don't know.

Look, Tony, I love you.

I know.

So I have to ask you, you haven't been
with anybody since we've been back

together, have you?

No!

Dad, no!

Honey, come on. We don't have all night.
Just lay your cards on the table. I'm

trying. It's not that easy.

Baby, it's just a game. Don't be so
competitive.

A game.

I'm sorry.

Here. Gin!

Play a player from the Himalaya.

I could use another drink.

Honey, if you keep drinking like that,
we'll both be going to meetings on

Tuesday.

Sean? Yeah?

Sweetie? Yeah?

I...

What are you saying?

I said William's an idiot.

Let me take your coat.

I'll keep it, thank you. In fact, if it
would have kept it on the first time, I

wouldn't be in this mess.

I'm not following, Tony.

I have chlamydia, and I think you gave
it to me.

Are you sure?

That I have it or that you gave it to
me.

I'm sorry.

If I haven't, I'm asymptomatic. How
could this happen? You sterilized all

other instruments.

Well, maybe your artist had a little
something extra on his paintbrush.

He doesn't have it, okay?

Hey, come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But maybe this could be a good thing.

Please let me borrow your rose -colored
glasses. I'm not seeing it.

Maybe we rush things.

This will give us an opportunity to slow
it down.

More like stop.

I don't want to stop.

I want a chance to get to know you
better.

Since I'm already in love with you.

Tony Childs!

Hey, it's me.

I need to talk.

What's wrong?

I'm going to tell Sean it's over.

Why? What happened?

He won't say I love you.

Well, I've had two men tell me tonight
and I'm on antibiotics.

I ain't love grand.

Look, the bottom line is I'm not going
to be left hanging for six months.

Just because he never said it doesn't
mean he doesn't feel it.

Yeah, but I need to know he feels it.
And the only way I'm going to know is if

he says it.

All right, Joan.

I want to ride the pony.

Good night, Tony.

Hey. Hey, what are you doing?

It's a big deal.

Baby, don't do that in front of me.

Honey, come on. If two people love one
another, they should be able to do

anything in front of each other.

You love me?

Of course I love you. Don't I act like
it?

Sure.

I love you, too.

Always wait for the shake.

Maya, this is Emily.

So, Emily, we meet at last.

It's so nice to meet you, dear.

Well, I hope Joe didn't work you too
hard.

Oh, heavens, no.

You have everything so beautifully
organized.

Well, Emily, I am an organizer.

The best I've seen.

I made you some welcome back peanut
brittle.

My goodness, it's my favorite. How did
you know?

Emily knows everything.

I just knew that you two would hit it
off. Isn't she the best?

Yeah, the best at getting what I want.

So stay healthy.

Because one more hospital visit, this
job is mine.