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This is so great.
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A night under the stars.
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You know, I knew this architect who
built a skylight in his bedroom.
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So the love he and his wife shared would
always be blessed by starlight as they
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slept. That is so romantic.
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To that meteorite. More to the odds.
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Joan.
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Sweetie.
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This is it.
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He's finally going to say those three
little words that I have been dying to
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hear.
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Yeah.
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It's on.
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Time for SportsCenter.
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Stoked and ready to hear I love you, and
he didn't say it.
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It's been four months. This can't be
good.
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Joan, don't be so Victorian. You don't
have to wait for him to say it first. If
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you love him, just tell him.
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Well, of course I love him, but I don't
want to say I love you. I want to say I
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love you, too.
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You are right. A woman should never say
I love you first. Once she does, she
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loses all of her power. This is coming
from a woman who gets relationship tips
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from her hairdresser.
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Excuse me.
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I get my relationship tips from Sun
Tzu's The Art of War.
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Joan, you're getting too caught up on
the words. You know, men aren't as
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expressive as women.
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He'll tell you in his own way. I heard
Darnell say I love you loud and clear
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first time he handed me the remote and
said, baby, you too.
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Guys, we're at the point where he should
be saying it. I mean, if I know that
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Sean's the one, then shouldn't he know
that I'm the one? What happened to the
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new Joan?
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The one who's going to let things
develop naturally instead of backing
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a corner with a double -barreled
marriage shotgun.
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How'd this go with the whole art of war
thing?
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Look, I'm late. Just read the book,
Joan.
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Meeting Greg.
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Something like that.
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Something like that?
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What's she getting all cryptic about?
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She and Greg are having some problems.
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Poor thing.
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She's probably going to pick Greg up
from a bus stop and doesn't want us to
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know.
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Clay, I love it.
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Your place is amazing.
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I'm guessing Pierre Koenig, 1956?
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You know your architects.
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I should. I sold four of his houses, so
I know what they cost.
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Yay for you.
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Hey, Clay, this is a perfect spot for
the painting.
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Well, I'd love to tell you that I put a
lot of thought into how it would fit
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into the overall design of the room, but
tell the truth, there just happened to
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be a hook in the wall there.
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Wait a minute.
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You hung it upside down.
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No, I didn't. I think I would know.
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Oh, yeah.
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Your ex -boyfriend is the artist.
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Ex?
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Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?
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The facts speak for themselves.
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I am getting all your free time.
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What are you, my palm pilot?
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Tony, I can't control you.
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You've made it more than clear that you
are a woman who does whatever she wants.
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I just assume that since you're with me
every day,
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I'm what you want.
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All right.
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I'm all out of clever repartee.
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Sean,
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we've
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been together for four months now, and I
want you to know how I feel.
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Every morning, I wake up smiling because
you're in my world.
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I guess what I'm saying is I love you,
Sean.
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Nope, not buying it.
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What was wrong with it? Nothing. You're
auditioning for all my children.
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Well, if you're such an expert, how'd
you tell Yvonne? Like most guys do.
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By accident.
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So you're saying I should wait until it
flips out? That's preferable. But if it
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absolutely can't wait, I do have an idea
that may help.
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First thing you do is you take yourself
a jar of olives.
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You place them strategically on the
counter.
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You look at the other person and you
say, olive juice.
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Olive juice.
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If you mumble it just right, it sounds
like you said, I love you.
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00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:55,120
Now, if they say, I love you too, you're
in. But if they look kind of confused,
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just say, olive juice.
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I can't believe I left the olive juice
out.
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Okay, that is the dumbest advice that I
have ever heard.
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Does it work?
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Just say there are a lot of women in
town wondering why I left olive juice
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on their counters.
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Okay, John, here are those papers you
asked for. Oh, Maya, I could have waited
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till the morning. Why don't you go home
to Darnell?
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00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:24,510
No, no, it's fine. You know, I just got
back, and I have so much catching up to
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do. Maya, are you still avoiding
Darnell?
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I'm not avoiding him, no. I'm taking his
phone call.
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Besides, it's just a little too soon
after my surgery to get all familiar
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my husband again.
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00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,700
Maya, I think you should go home. Don't
lecture me, okay? Besides, I have no
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idea what a mess that temp left.
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Hope you're not talking about Emily.
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She was efficient, well -organized. She
anticipated our every need.
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Oh, she fed y 'all, didn't she?
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Double chocolate brownies every day. Not
to mention she harvested her own honey.
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God bless her bee -stung hands.
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Say, Maya, any other medical conditions
you may need to take some time off to
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deal with? You know what, you guys? You
and Emily, fine. You can have Emily. But
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let me tell you about your beekeeping
bitch, okay?
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She filed the login deposition under F
for file. In fact, she filed all the
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files under F. For file. And she put
some butt -ugly butt -tube kit on my
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screensaver, and I can't get him off of
there.
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Maya, that's her grandson, Chip. She's
doing all this temp work so that she can
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fix his overbite. Oh, is that what she
told you to win your sympathy?
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She's gunning for my job.
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Okay, let me give you the lowdown on the
temp world, okay?
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They are nothing but a pack of savage
dogs desperate for health insurance. And
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should know, remember, Joan? You hired
me as the temp.
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Yeah.
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Whatever happened to my old assistant?
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I dropped him off at the Greyhound
station.
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Some people just can't handle the
violence in the big city.
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Welcome home.
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Hey, what's all this for?
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It's for you.
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I was thinking that you're the one that
helped me sell my first painting.
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00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:16,020
So I wanted to thank you, and suddenly
it hit me.
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A new duvet cover? Real Belgian lace.
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Greg, you can't afford this. I got paint
on your old one, right?
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And, well, the point is, I was thinking
maybe we could christen it tonight.
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It's been a long day.
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I'm feeling a little icky. Maybe all the
smog. I'm just going to run and take a
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shower. Oh, come on, baby. You know you
always smell good to me.
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Like lilacs mixed with... Smog. Lots of
smog.
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I want you right now.
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All warm and funky.
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Funky? Who are you calling funky?
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You've hurt my feelings. Just get out.
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Hey, look.
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I'm sorry.
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Would it help if I kissed you here?
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And here?
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And here?
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Wait, wait, wait.
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It felt real good right here.
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John, there's something I've been
needing to tell you, and I haven't quite
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figured out how to say it yet.
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Just say it. That's the best way.
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Here goes.
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Um, Joan? Me too.
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What? Huh?
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Um, honey, I've been offered a job in
New York.
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In New York?
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Yeah, it's a really great job, and it
could really boost my career. It would
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only be for six months.
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You're leaving? Yeah, and then I could
transfer back to the L .A. office.
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It's not like we wouldn't be able to see
each other, and then when I can't
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visit, you know, there's always phone
sex.
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If we really want to get hip, we can do
cyber sex.
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00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,870
I have enough trouble checking my e
-mail.
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00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:09,130
I want real sex. I want you.
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00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:14,680
I want more nights on the patio under
the stars. Honey, the stars aren't going
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anywhere. It's only for a few months.
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00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,700
And as soon as I get back, we can pick
up right where we left off. And where
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exactly are we leaving off?
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With something really good.
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That's it?
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You don't have anything else to say to
me?
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They're giving me a nice per diem?
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00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:39,840
Wait a minute, I know what this is
about. Hey, honey, I love...
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What do you call this again?
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Hair crisp.
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Love it.
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Now, how long will he be gone again?
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Six months.
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00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,000
Well, John, you've gone longer than that
without Seth.
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00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:06,280
I mean, you ought to be used to closing
down a shop.
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00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:10,800
You're the one with the gone fishing
sign on your... Hey, hey, hey.
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00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,720
Now, you know I have medical reasons.
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00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:18,060
Guys, I took your advice, and I decided
to let things progress at their own
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speed, but he wants me to wait six
months. I can't commit to that if he
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00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:23,380
even commit to saying I love you.
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00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,940
Joan, I already told you. Just tell him
how you feel. If he loves you, great. If
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he doesn't, burn some of his stuff,
exhale, and move on.
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00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,600
Joan, it'll be okay.
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00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,040
Anyone can see how much Sean cares about
you.
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00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:38,990
It's just that it can be really hard
telling somebody something important.
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Especially when you love them.
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00:10:42,370 --> 00:10:43,370
Hold up!
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00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,750
This is Joan's problem and you're
crying?
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00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:49,510
I mean, is that sympathy?
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00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:53,010
You know, I need to get home to my
husband and my child because obviously
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00:10:53,010 --> 00:10:54,010
is Armageddon.
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00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:56,230
I went to see Dr. Dunn this morning.
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She told me I have chlamydia.
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00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:00,110
Oh, my...
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from having sex.
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00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,000
Tommy, this is terrible.
200
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:17,000
You're lucky it's just chlamydia and one
week of antibiotics and you're cured.
201
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:19,100
Tommy, how could Greg do this to you?
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00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,420
I haven't told you the worst part.
203
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,280
Greg may not have been the one who gave
it to me.
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00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,280
What? Forget what. Who?
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00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,920
Dr. Spencer.
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00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,470
Just because you're burning does not
mean you're in hell.
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00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,190
Okay, well, who gave it to you, Greg or
Dr. Spencer?
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00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:49,630
I don't know.
209
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,190
I slept with them both the same night.
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00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:53,530
Oh!
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00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:57,430
Just no!
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00:11:58,990 --> 00:12:02,390
Okay, two guys in one night? I hope you
mean at the same time, because if not,
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00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,410
that's just sick.
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00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,890
How did this happen? You did use
condoms, right?
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00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,190
Well, not really.
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00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,600
What'd you do? Use them as finger
puppets?
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00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,400
Well, Greg and I stopped using them a
few weeks ago.
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00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:17,700
And Dr. Spencer?
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00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,440
He's a doctor. He's clean. You saw the
way he scribes.
220
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,360
What is wrong with you, girl?
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00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,020
Clean on the outside doesn't mean clean
on the inside.
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00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,360
Tony, have my safe sex lectures meant
nothing to you? You know, we need to
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00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,520
having some pop quizzes up in here.
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It's not like I planned this, okay? It
just happened.
225
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:40,620
I'm telling you, there's something
serious between Clay and I. Yes. It's
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00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:41,620
Greg.
227
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,560
No, it's called chlamydia. And it's
between you, Greg, and Dr. Spencer.
228
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,180
Hey, what are you doing home so early?
229
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,600
What? I can't go to my own house early?
230
00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:02,000
Last time I checked the mailbox, I said
Tony Childs.
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00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,340
Just a question.
232
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,920
The better question is, what are you
doing here?
233
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,060
I came to get my good shirt.
234
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,980
I am meeting someone for dinner.
235
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,379
A woman?
236
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:12,660
Yeah, a woman.
237
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,160
Are you sleeping with her?
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00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,220
What? Look, Greg, I have chlamydia.
239
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,740
Oh, my God. Tony, are you okay?
240
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,160
I'm fine.
241
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:22,500
No, I'm not.
242
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,760
I need to find out where I got it.
243
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:26,580
Oh, do you think I'm cheating on you?
244
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:31,800
No, Tony, this woman I'm meeting happens
to be an art dealer, okay? She may want
245
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,520
my work for her next show. Oh, that's
great.
246
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:35,960
Did you hear what I said?
247
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:38,699
I'm sorry.
248
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,940
I'm sorry. I didn't even know I had it.
249
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:47,300
But I swear, I haven't been with anybody
since we got back together. You know I
250
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:51,180
would never do anything to hurt you. I
know that, Greg, but we stopped using
251
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:54,940
condoms. And the doctor said that it
might be lying dormant in you.
252
00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:56,520
We need to get that checked.
253
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:57,980
I will.
254
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,620
So I guess this means we can't. Uh -uh.
255
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,320
But we can still.
256
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,500
Uh -uh.
257
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:11,400
What about, uh... Now you know I have
never let you do that.
258
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,760
The where's Greg now?
259
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:20,380
Free clinic, I guess.
260
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,020
Tony.
261
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,680
Well, he doesn't have a doctor.
262
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,080
Well, why don't you have Dr. Spencer
check him out?
263
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:29,280
You just had to go there, didn't you?
You know what you're doing?
264
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,980
You are transferring your guilt onto
Greg. You're putting him through the
265
00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:35,520
wringer. And you're making him out to be
the bad guy.
266
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:39,960
Well, he could be the bad guy. He could
have given me chlamydia. Who cheated on
267
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,040
whom, Tony?
268
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,500
The fact that I fell into the arms of a
gorgeous, successful surgeon is not my
269
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:50,820
fault. Joan, if Greg had completely
changed who he was and become the person
270
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:52,220
want him to be, none of this would have
happened.
271
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,300
You need to get your head right, Tony.
272
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,560
So, tonight's the big night.
273
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:01,960
Remember that trick I taught you?
274
00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:03,380
What trick?
275
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:04,740
Follows it, Tony.
276
00:15:06,789 --> 00:15:08,490
William, I love you too.
277
00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:09,870
What trick?
278
00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:11,130
I rest my case.
279
00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:16,170
Thank you. I don't need to use it, okay?
I'm just going to lay my cards on the
280
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:20,190
table, tell Sean I love him, and see how
he reacts.
281
00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:22,450
Forget your cards and lay yourself on
the table.
282
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:26,050
A man will say anything you want to hear
during sex.
283
00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,770
I don't have Yvonne's name tattooed on
my ass because it's aesthetically
284
00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:30,770
pleasing.
285
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:41,620
And hello to you, too.
286
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,180
Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I was just nervous.
287
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,040
But I'm glad to hear that you're okay.
288
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,300
Not as glad as I am.
289
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,460
But all I've been able to think about
since I left the doctor's office is how
290
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:53,460
did you get it?
291
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:58,440
Well, the doctor said that it could be
dormant, so if it wasn't dormant in you,
292
00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,560
it must have been dormant in me.
293
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:03,200
Well, if you're the carrier, then why
don't I have it?
294
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,259
Power of prayer?
295
00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:06,260
I don't know.
296
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,420
Look, Tony, I love you.
297
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:10,679
I know.
298
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:15,260
So I have to ask you, you haven't been
with anybody since we've been back
299
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:16,260
together, have you?
300
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,720
No!
301
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,560
Dad, no!
302
00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:28,540
Honey, come on. We don't have all night.
Just lay your cards on the table. I'm
303
00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:30,540
trying. It's not that easy.
304
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:32,760
Baby, it's just a game. Don't be so
competitive.
305
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,160
A game.
306
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,200
I'm sorry.
307
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:36,860
Here. Gin!
308
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,060
Play a player from the Himalaya.
309
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:44,240
I could use another drink.
310
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,460
Honey, if you keep drinking like that,
we'll both be going to meetings on
311
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,460
Tuesday.
312
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,640
Sean? Yeah?
313
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,080
Sweetie? Yeah?
314
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,300
I...
315
00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:08,849
What are you saying?
316
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,950
I said William's an idiot.
317
00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:22,710
Let me take your coat.
318
00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,650
I'll keep it, thank you. In fact, if it
would have kept it on the first time, I
319
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:26,650
wouldn't be in this mess.
320
00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:28,510
I'm not following, Tony.
321
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:31,590
I have chlamydia, and I think you gave
it to me.
322
00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:33,029
Are you sure?
323
00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:34,430
That I have it or that you gave it to
me.
324
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:36,390
I'm sorry.
325
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:40,300
If I haven't, I'm asymptomatic. How
could this happen? You sterilized all
326
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:41,300
other instruments.
327
00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:44,300
Well, maybe your artist had a little
something extra on his paintbrush.
328
00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:46,580
He doesn't have it, okay?
329
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:50,500
Hey, come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
330
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:54,580
But maybe this could be a good thing.
331
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,620
Please let me borrow your rose -colored
glasses. I'm not seeing it.
332
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,320
Maybe we rush things.
333
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,300
This will give us an opportunity to slow
it down.
334
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:06,290
More like stop.
335
00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:07,990
I don't want to stop.
336
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,150
I want a chance to get to know you
better.
337
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:12,730
Since I'm already in love with you.
338
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:34,350
Tony Childs!
339
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,440
Hey, it's me.
340
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,660
I need to talk.
341
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:40,340
What's wrong?
342
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,060
I'm going to tell Sean it's over.
343
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,440
Why? What happened?
344
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:45,440
He won't say I love you.
345
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,480
Well, I've had two men tell me tonight
and I'm on antibiotics.
346
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:49,760
I ain't love grand.
347
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,840
Look, the bottom line is I'm not going
to be left hanging for six months.
348
00:18:55,340 --> 00:19:00,840
Just because he never said it doesn't
mean he doesn't feel it.
349
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:05,430
Yeah, but I need to know he feels it.
And the only way I'm going to know is if
350
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:06,289
he says it.
351
00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:07,350
All right, Joan.
352
00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:10,610
I want to ride the pony.
353
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:13,610
Good night, Tony.
354
00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,810
Hey. Hey, what are you doing?
355
00:19:24,270 --> 00:19:25,270
It's a big deal.
356
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,730
Baby, don't do that in front of me.
357
00:19:29,219 --> 00:19:32,240
Honey, come on. If two people love one
another, they should be able to do
358
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,300
anything in front of each other.
359
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,720
You love me?
360
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,240
Of course I love you. Don't I act like
it?
361
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:46,260
Sure.
362
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,520
I love you, too.
363
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,240
Always wait for the shake.
364
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,030
Maya, this is Emily.
365
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:11,930
So, Emily, we meet at last.
366
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,090
It's so nice to meet you, dear.
367
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,570
Well, I hope Joe didn't work you too
hard.
368
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:17,770
Oh, heavens, no.
369
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,170
You have everything so beautifully
organized.
370
00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:24,850
Well, Emily, I am an organizer.
371
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,050
The best I've seen.
372
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:30,010
I made you some welcome back peanut
brittle.
373
00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:33,710
My goodness, it's my favorite. How did
you know?
374
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,580
Emily knows everything.
375
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,400
I just knew that you two would hit it
off. Isn't she the best?
376
00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:44,040
Yeah, the best at getting what I want.
377
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,460
So stay healthy.
378
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,420
Because one more hospital visit, this
job is mine.
27932
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