Original subtitles

Oh, that's John's.

What do you mean? I always get the other half your raisin bagel. What are you

doing here anyway?

Trying to get a damn bagel.

Lynn, I thought you were house sitting.

That's all over. But it's not my fault. The note said feed snake hamster. They

want me to feed the snake and the hamster. They should have said and.

Honey, have you seen my shirt?

Yes, I ironed it and it's hanging in the laundry room.

Here's your raisin bagel. My raisin bagel.

Oh,

Lynn, what happened? What'd you do, over sleep?

Apparently right through the wedding.

So, any hot water left?

Yeah, there's a whole bunch down at the Holiday Inn.

Lynn, come on, it's a joke.

Is that the same Holiday Inn you took your 300 sex partners to?

See, humor can hurt, can't it?

Sweetie, Chip got off the phone with Dan to be an associate. They're looking to

hire another architect.

Oh, that would be great.

Then you wouldn't have to freelance anymore.

There is. One little thing, though.

Danbury kind of knows about my past sexual addiction.

How? Well, when you hand in enough blueprints with butt prints on them,

kind of gets around.

Anyway, I thought if I took the Danburys out to dinner, they'd see that I'm in a

steady and secure... Monogamous?

Monogamous relationship, and they'd see that I've changed.

All right, well, you can count on me.

Look, they're only in town for one night, so don't make any plans for

okay? Thursday?

Yeah. Oh, shoot. That's when Maya checks into the hospital for a fibroid

surgery, and I promised her I'd be there for her.

Oh.

Okay, I mean, you have to be there for your friend, I understand.

I wait. She's just checking in on Thursday, so I'll tell her I can't stay

and she'll understand.

You sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Um, so, you want to get our suite at Shutter's tonight?

Ooh, I'd love to.

Oh, no, wait a minute. What?

Baby, I can't. I promised when I go to the movies with her tonight.

Yeah, and if she kissed like you, then it wouldn't have to cancel on her.

If she kissed you at all, we'd all be going to shutters.

mind baby no no i didn't call you for that what what's that uh

it looks like paint it's not just paint sweetie it's paint on my 1500 duvet

cover it's all right you can barely see it unless you're looking i'm sorry baby

look i'll buy you another bedspread okay you buy bedspreads at target this duvet

came from florence italy you gonna buy me another one, Greg? The Metro doesn't

go there.

And what are you gonna buy it with?

Your paintings?

Oh, wait, that's right. You don't sell those. Look, Tony, I told you I'd get

another one.

While you're at it, why don't you buy yourself another $800 Mongolian long

-haired cashmere sweater?

You paid $800 for this sweater?

And because you can't read the words dry clean, only some Mongolian goat is

running around naked for nothing.

Tony, why you gotta put a monetary value on everything?

I don't.

Neiman's does, and I work hard to pay them.

When are you going to grow up?

When are you going to learn that these are just material trappings with no

intrinsic value?

Spoken just like a man with no trappings. Fine.

Well, then maybe tonight you can cuddle up with your $1 ,500 duvet.

Hey, I'm outie.

Janelle's waiting downstairs to take me to the hospital.

Are you sure you're okay with this surgery?

Honey, I'm fine.

You see surgery, I see a five -day vacation with room service and cable.

I finally get to see supple food.

Maya, I have to say, I'm impressed with how calm you are about all this. Yeah.

Are you on Valium? Yeah.

So I will see you tonight. Of course.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm going to have to leave early because I've got to go meet Sean for a business

dinner and he's counting on me. Are you okay with that?

Honey, it's fine.

It's not like I'm having the surgery tonight.

Thank you for understanding.

Thank the truck.

Hi, girl. Hi, Maya. How are you feeling? I'm good.

Value? Yeah.

Okay, ready for lunch?

I paged you. Didn't you get my message?

How? You said I paid my pager bill, remember?

Right. I went for an early lunch with Sean.

I don't know how I didn't see that one coming.

Lynn, I think we need to talk about Sean.

Okay, well, is this going to take long because some of us are still hungry

Okay, I may be way off base here, but I get the feeling that you have a problem

with Sean.

Joan, that's insane. I do not have a problem with Sean.

I hate John.

I mean, look at you, Joan. Sean, Sean, Sean. What about me?

Where's the me in Sean?

And I told Greg, I did not hang Italian lace hand towels in the bathroom for

people to wipe their wet hands on.

Hello, hello, hello.

Woman in hospital undergoing life -threatening surgery. Can we focus,

please? I'm sorry, ma 'am.

Thank you.

Now, which channel is Showtime?

Knock, knock.

I'm protecting myself.

Think fast.

What, are you afraid of hospitals?

No, don't be ridiculous.

A hospital is just a building.

I'm not afraid of a building.

I'm afraid of the hundreds of diseased, ridden people crammed in here just

waiting to die.

William, you have a better chance of catching something in a crowded elevator

than in a hospital.

Perhaps you haven't noticed my firm buttocks.

I take the stairs.

William, you got some issues.

Hey, if you all want to walk in here and leave with everything from acne to a

yeast infection, that's your business.

But I believe in safe sex, safe driving, and safe hospital visits.

Too bad you just couldn't wrap yourself up in a big condom.

Please. Tight enough just getting the stuff that's supposed to go in there in

there.

Well, anyway, I just stopped by to wish you luck for tomorrow.

Before I press my luck, I'm out of here.

Oh, nurse!

What's the most antiseptic way back to the parking lot?

Excuse me. Hey, what's up, Dr. Spencer?

Um, these are my friends. This is Lynn.

And Tony.

Tony, child.

Clay Spencer.

Nice to meet you, doctor.

Okay, Mrs. Wilkes.

Oh, a graph on Faber -Castell Pernambuco rollerball.

Nice choice.

Well, thank you very much.

I collect fine pens.

Surprised you noticed.

Most people just see a big.

I'm not most people.

Are you a collector as well, Tony?

No. I just know everything about things worth collecting.

Okay, well, when it comes time to collect, you fee doctor, let's just

how much time you've been chatting up my friends.

Right, right. The reason I came in here. The reason you came in here. Well, Mrs.

Wilkes, all I need is for you to sign this pre -surgical release, and you're

set. The anesthesiologist will be in in the morning to talk to you. It's a

pleasure to meet you.

And I will see you all tomorrow. Bright and early.

Tony, could you just be a little more obvious, girl? You've never even seen

bright and early.

Oh, please, girl. It's just a little harmless flirting. Why would I want Dr.

Spencer when I have Greg?

Because Dr. Spencer's a self -made, multi -million dollar medical

and Greg is a... Deadbeat. No.

Well, I love Greg, okay? End of story.

Okay, in case of paralysis, blood clot, death? Oh, hell

no!

I'm not signing this, not without my lawyer. Where is Joan?

With Sean.

Haven't you been listening? She's dumped us for him.

I mean, here you are, facing death at the hands of some pen -collecting quack

when your attorney, alleged friend, is not here to save you from his butchery.

That's all I'm saying.

Hey!

best friend behind her back in front of my face?

Oh, when's the last time your best friend sat down and listened to you

moan about Greg?

You're right. Where is that heifer?

We were in Joan's life long before Sean, and we will be here for her way after

Mr. Sex Addict falls off the wagon, starts screwing everything in his skirt,

dumps her ass.

What? What?

You were both thinking it. I'm just saying it.

Hi, everybody.

Sorry I'm late, but I'm here now.

Me and Mr. Bear.

Hey.

Joan,

isn't this the bear I gave you for your birthday?

Maybe. I don't know.

Why?

Does it matter?

Okay. Yes.

Yes, it is.

But who cares? Because I'm here now, and that's what matters.

Yeah. Yes, you are. Go sit down. Come on.

help me go over this in case i die for okay well how about i just stand here

i like pat your arm you know and i'll look over this and i'll get it back to

in the morning woman my vital organs could be in six separate coolers going

six separate cities in the morning what are you talking about what she is saying

is that we are important too joe at least we used to be before mr sean eat

bagel ellis okay why are you all tripping like this because i mean we see

life as a married woman and we're not in it

I can't believe you're all ganging up on me like this. You know, Jo, we're not

advocating that you don't have a man.

We're actually happy for you, honey, but however.

In this day and age, no self -respecting, independent woman drops her

just because a man is in the picture.

Dr. Clay Spencer, please report to radiology.

I'll see y 'all later.

Okay, we expect that from her. But you...

Joan, come on. What's more important, your boyfriend or your girlfriend?

With her life hanging in the balance, take your time.

Maya, you said you were okay with me having other plans.

Yeah, well, that was the volume talking. And before Lynn pointed out what a

selfish bitch you've become.

Okay, fine.

I'm here now. So if you want me to stay, of course.

I'll stay.

Yeah, well, whatever.

Okay. Well, if you're staying, I'm leaving. Wait a minute. You're leaving?

You're the one that was bitching about together, Ned.

Oh, so now you want to hang out with me?

I don't think you can have your cake and eat it too, Joan.

Maya, I will pray to the goddess for you.

Uh -uh.

Don't be bringing any false idols up in my surgery.

Look, Sean, I'm sorry.

Just order me the cheesecake.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Bye. Bye.

Maya.

Maya. Okay.

I'm gonna go.

Hi.

Where are you going?

Nowhere.

I was stretching.

Thank you so much for staying here with me.

No problem.

What time did Darnell say he was going to get off work?

Joan, if you want to leave, leave.

It's fine.

No.

Okay.

I can't believe you're going.

Sweetie, I'm going to be here when you wake up from the surgery.

Okay.

Really? Yeah, it's fine. Are you sure? Go.

Please. Okay. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, later. Okay, bye. Bye.

I cannot believe your trifling ass is really going.

You know it's not always going to

be like this, baby.

Damn, it's Judy and Kevin from the Brentwood office.

Hi, guys.

Congratulations on that sale in the Palisades.

Ow! Ow, what?

No, Tony, I am not going to do that. Greg, it is the least you can do.

Well, I sure am glad I make a lot of money so I can pay for this big,

dinner.

I'll have a good evening.

Where are you going?

Well, I was going to get your car, ma 'am.

Greg?

Sometimes we like to play driving Miss Tony.

Is Sean still here? Yeah, he's right there. Oh, cool.

Is he upset because I'm late?

Did you pass Greg on the way in?

Yeah. Was I with him?

No. You see how I have my own problems?

Sean, hey.

Yeah. Please tell me the Dansby's are in the bathroom.

Nope, they're gone. I didn't get the job.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I would have been here sooner, but Maya sleeps with one eye open.

Joan, you explain when you call from the hospital, you explain when you call

from the car, and you explain when you call from the parking lot.

In fact, that's probably why I didn't get the job. I was answering the damn

phone so much.

Well, I'm sorry.

I did my best to be here for you, but I got ganged up on because I wasn't there

for Maya, and now you're ganging up on me. I mean, well, you know what?

I can't be there for everybody.

Joan, I'm sorry you've had a bad night, but I'm out $200 ,000 a year. I think

it's been a bit worse for me.

Not your fault. It's what I did in my past.

If I hadn't made my bed and lied in it so many times, I wouldn't be in this

predicament. You know what, Sean? This is their loss.

You are an incredibly talented architect, and there's a better job out

I just know it.

Thanks for trying to cheer me up.

I'm still feeling pretty low.

You want to go home and do it, no foreplay?

Check, please.

Oh, William, I'm sorry I gotta go.

Maya's gonna come out of recovery.

You women are like moths to a flame with that hospital.

What, you got some kind of a death wish?

No.

We're just good friends, okay? And, you know, Maya will rip my head off if I'm

not there.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

When you first started dating Yvonne...

Did your guy friend give you a hard time for spending too much time with her?

No, he did not.

Guys don't get all clingy with other guys.

We don't like to get that attached.

You see, we realize it's just a matter of time before we're done in by heart

attack or prostate cancer and or marriage.

That is so sad. If you don't let yourself get attached, then you're not

friends, William.

No, we're not really girlfriends.

You see, male relationships aren't based on tenuous things like emotions and

sharing. Men bond over the eternal things, like sports or pornography.

Okay, Mommy, so when Darnell gets off work, he's coming.

Yeah, oh, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What's that?

Cartoon channel.

They have a whole channel of cartoons?

Mm -hmm. Oh, my God. I've got to get me some cable.

Hey, Mommy. Okay, so I will see you in an hour. Yeah. Oh, do not take the 405.

Traffic channel says there's a sick alert.

So, Clay, you're from Bakersfield?

Yeah. That's like the front door to hell.

I'm from Fresno.

The trap door to hell.

Well, the important thing is we both got the hell out.

So, Maya, your vitals are excellent. Now, if you keep recovering at this

you can go home tomorrow.

I think I might have to stay a little longer.

Oh, suck it up and get some cable.

Hi, Maya.

Hey. Ah, I thought I'd be the first one here.

You are.

Can you come to see me?

I just need you to sign this, and I'll meet you at the elevator.

Where are you two going?

Just out for coffee.

And what about Greg?

Greg hates coffee.

Tony.

Joan, Clay knows I have a boyfriend.

It's just coffee.

At his yacht club.

That's the core of the problem.

So, everything went well? That's what they're saying.

Hi,

Maya. Hey.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Lynn, I got here way before you.

Oh, so now it's a competition.

Okay, what's your problem?

You. This and your friends have spent all your free time with Sean.

You know what? I put on... with this crap yesterday and because i was here

night i may have cost my man a job so if anyone has the right to be mad at me

it's sean not you oh so sean's anger is more important than my anger um excuse

me could one of you guys help me to the bathroom you know what lynn you sound

petty and jealous petty i'm petty and jealous okay well if you're not gonna

me go to the bathroom at least you can help me cross my legs okay fine i'm

jealous But at least I'm not selfish and insensitive.

I'm selfish and insensitive. Okay, you know what? That's BS, and we both know

it. I have made a career out of being there for you.

All right, so Sean's in the picture now. Get used to it. That doesn't mean I'm

dissing you.

Oh, yeah?

Joan, I've been in grad school for, what, seven years?

And you promised that we'd celebrate when I finally finished.

And we will.

And we didn't.

I turned in my last paper two days ago.

I'm done.

It was one of the biggest days in my life, and you didn't even remember. Oh,

God. I don't know what to say.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Well, maybe our friendship was about you taking care of me.

At least then I knew you cared.

You know, now that Sean's moving in and I'm moving out, that's all over, and I

feel like maybe the friendship might be over, too.

No. It's not. It's just changing.

No, it's not about me taking care of you anymore.

We can find other things for it to be about.

I get nothing.

Oh, come on.

So what do we do now?

You can start by helping me get my ass up off the floor and helping me to the

damn bathroom.

I'm glad you're still here.

Yeah, I pulled out one of my stitches so I could stay and watch The Sopranos.

What the hell happened to you?

William, before you answer that, would you please put your legs together?

Well, I just wheeled myself up from the emergency room.

I'm in between tests right now, so I thought I'd stop by and see how you were

doing. Tests for what?

The doctor thinks that either I have that flesh -eating bacteria or a rash.

So in about ten minutes, we'll know if I have 24 hours to live or just need a

little ointment.

William, that is not a rash. That is ash.

Get some lotion.

Maya, this is for real.

You need to watch yourself. This place is a set pool of pathogens.

The legs.

Woman, just stop looking.

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