Original subtitles

Hey, girl.

How'd your doctor's appointment go? Dr. Dunn put her on hormones to shrink her

fibroid tumor.

I just don't get it. You know, my mama was praying, my grandma was praying, I

still got this damn thing.

Of course, grandma did hit four numbers in the ladder, so maybe she wasn't

praying for what she said she was.

Okay, guys.

Here we go. Don't at least explore some alternative therapy. How about yoga?

I mean, it's a great stress reducer, seriously.

And stress is one of the things that could cause your fibroids. Let's try

Okay.

Now just breathe in.

Lift your head forward.

Let the breath flow through you.

Maya, do you see the good white light?

No. All I see is some loose ceiling tiles and a couple of building code

violations.

I'm so ready for today's meeting.

Williams,

psych yourself up all you want. I'm getting the Pembroke case. I don't see

When I've already secured the power seat, right next to Tweedleton, you get

scoop and a turn away from the jelly donut.

Morning, Joan.

William.

Ken.

I hope you two did your homework.

Not that it will do you any good.

As I was telling Sweetleton on the 14th tee, there's really only one man for the

Pembroke case.

Ken Slam Duncan.

I tell you, I'm nothing in the morning without my coffee.

Oh, good.

Looks like there's one cup left. Oh, that's mine.

That's mine, Jim.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

I stopped at Starbucks.

Damn you, Duncan.

Good morning, people.

Good morning, sir. Mr. Dent, I hope that's not the last jelly donut.

You mean in the world?

Hey, Ken, thanks for setting me up with your wife's sister. That woman was hot.

No problem, sir. Listen, you get tired of her, you can try my wife.

get to work? Yeah, why not? I mean, that's why they pay us the big bucks,

Oh, I forget.

That's just me.

All right, you know the drill.

Pembroke Publishing being sued by Councilman Richards for defamation of

character. Any suggestions?

Well, the fact that defamation is always difficult to prove... Oh, by the way,

Ken, your brother -in -law put me up a huge deal on that Jaguar. Oh, the

convertible, I hope. Of course, man. This is... California.

But the most salient point in our favor... Hey, what color did you get?

I love that titanium.

Clearly we can prevent this from ever going away. What kind of girly question

that? No, all I want to know is how far back do the front seats recline?

From what I understand, the opposing council is understaffed, which means

we can bury them in discovery.

All right.

So, where were we?

I believe we were discussing how far back your seats would recline.

That's enough about the car, Joan.

For right now, we need some strategies on this case.

Sir, we can crack this case and still make it to the Laker game tonight. All

have to do is bury them in discovery.

Hello, I just said that.

You see, they don't have the manpower for research.

We sent an offer for a quiet settlement. A week later, no muss, no fuss.

Slam dunk.

This man is brilliant, huh?

All right, next case.

Who has thoughts on the Solomon action?

Actually, I've been researching the precedents, and I would... Oh, well,

the heck.

Who wants to check out the new Jag?

All right!

This is the biggest case... the firm's had in two years. I need cases like this

if I'm ever gonna make full partner. And they totally ignore me. It's like I'm

invisible. I'm so sick of this boys' club mentality. Joan, it's a man's

and we all have to deal with it, but why do you make it so hard on yourself?

Use your secret weapon.

The breathy voice, the pouty mouth, and to close the deal, the lean.

I have a secret weapon. It's called a law degree from UCLA.

In my cognitive psychology class, we read about this study. It turns out that

the higher timbre of a woman's voice is actually harder to hear than the lower

pitch of a man.

Oh, so I should talk like this.

Yeah, I sound a lot smarter now.

Why is it that I'm the most polite one and I always get passed over?

Don't. Polite is fine if you're having high tea with Queen Elizabeth.

But you've got to get in there and set it off like Queen Latifah.

Yeah, and we know where that would lead. I would just be written off as a

stereotypical, finger -snapping, head -bobbing, sassy black bitch. Now, wait.

Now, girl, some of those stereotypes come in handy, okay? People listen to

when you're that black woman they don't want to mess with.

The boys in the copy room know that if my copies aren't collated and stapled,

there are going to be some consequences and repercussions.

Oh, yeah.

You can pull that off, but I can't. I'm the kind of person who has to play by

the rules.

I have to trust that at some point, doing my job well is going to have an

impact. And to send that impact home?

Give him the lean.

Here you go. Take this. Lie down. Put your knees up to your chest and loosen

Lie down.

Lynn, I don't know where this mat has been.

Maya. This is a retreat for the soul.

A spiritual haven.

Shut up and relax.

Let's begin our journey, please.

Fabulous leotard, Tony. Merlot is your color.

But you've got a little wedgie. Let me get that.

Thank you, Philip. You naughty boy.

Okay. Any newcomers, please join me at the front so no one overextends

themselves today.

Don't be shy.

Don't be shy.

What's your name?

Maya. Oh, Maya. That's so Mesoamerican.

Injuries or problems I should know about?

I have a fibroid tumor about the size of a grapefruit in my uterus. Ooh, too

much information.

Just kidding, love.

I can help with that.

Yoga relieves so much stress.

Let's begin with the mountain pose.

Feet together.

Open the diaphragm.

Lift the rib cage.

Reach your arms up.

Breathe deeply, widening the sternum. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Did I press on your grapefruit? No, but you thought my melon.

I was simply guiding you into the correct position.

Maya, we need to build an environment of trust here. It's a little hard for me

to trust someone who slaps my ass and fills me up. Okay, let's just nip this

the bud.

I'm a professional. I studied under the tutelage of Sri Raman Bagnash.

Whatever, you still had your hands all up in my business.

Lynn, what kind of negative energy did you bring into my class?

Phil, I'm sorry. I'll talk to her, okay? She has a lot of suppressed anger.

Hardly suppressed.

What the hell kind of freak show did y 'all bring me to?

That man was all over me.

Maya, he does not want you. Girl, look at him.

He's gay.

I don't know, you guys. I just get a really bad vibe from this whole place.

That's your problem, Maya. You're so filled with negativity.

You're the biggest of everyone.

You think it's piracy in everything.

Who told you that?

Okay, but you're never going to get rid of your fibroid if you continue to be

distressed. So just go back to your mat and open yourself up to a new

experience, okay?

Okay, class.

To loosen up, let's try a little Kundalini. Oh, hell no.

I only do that with my husband.

I think your assistant's looking for you.

You're not getting the seat.

Come on, let me have it. It's my lucky seat. Oh, well, I guess your luck just

ran out because I'm not moving.

That time of the month, huh?

I tell you what, Ken.

You don't talk about my period, and I won't talk about your missing testicle.

Oh, man, Joan.

You got the seat.

Come on, let me have it. No.

No one gets the seat, okay?

Good morning, people.

Morning, sir.

Pembroke Publishing has asked for some heavy hitters, so I'd like to introduce

our special outside counsel in this case.

Of course, everyone knows Mr.

Christopher Darden.

Joan, will you let Chris have that seat, please?

Sure. Oh, by the way, Chris, this is Joan Clayton, one of our bright young

associates.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'm actually a junior partner now, Mr.

Sweetleton. Oh, really?

When did that happen?

About six months ago when you gave me the promotion.

Guess I better ease off my Viagra and bump up the Ginkgo Biloba, huh?

Have a seat, Chris.

Let's get down to business.

So, who wants autographs?

No, really.

Thank you, and remember to tip your waitress.

Okay.

I'm looking for co -counsel when we go to trial on the Pembroke case.

Actually, Chris, I've come up with a solution where we can avoid a trial

altogether. Oh, no.

We're going to trial.

You don't get fame at settling cases out of court.

Mr. Darden, there would be no defamation if we could build a case proving that

Councilman Richards habitually engaged... I got it.

It's a no -brainer.

There's no defamation if the story's actually true.

Hey, so if we hire a private investigator to look into the

relationships with his office staff, we might be able to prove the statements

Pembroke published were actually true.

Sweetie, I don't know why you need me.

You have the brain power right there.

Yeah, but Christopher, you get us on the 11 o 'clock news.

And the four or five fixing all day on court TV.

Good work, William. Brilliant strategy. You get second chair.

Yes! That was not William's brilliant strategy, okay? That was my brilliant

strategy. Yeah, easy there, Joan.

I should be second chair, not him.

Joan! What? Don't Joan me!

I am tired of being cut off and dismissed and ignored by all the men in

room, day after day. Especially by you, William.

You, of all people, should know better.

I mean, back me up here, am I right? Come on, cheery.

Okay, fine. You know what?

This is the last time, okay? I will not...

tolerate this anymore.

I'm sorry, guys. It's my fault. I should have warned you.

She's having a ladies' day.

Oh.

Why did I have

to cry?

I blew it. I gave away all my power.

Well, if it's any comfort zone, you didn't have much power to begin with.

All because of William.

I never expected this from him.

Why? He's one of them. No, he's one of us.

And he should have chosen his race over his gender.

Honey, I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that

William's a Republican.

This is George W.'s America, honey. Wake up and smell the whiskey.

So what should I do now?

Look, all I know is hiding out in here is making you look guilty.

You've got to get out there. Come on. You've got to hold your head up and you

show them that you did absolutely nothing wrong.

And whatever you do.

You hold on to your job, okay?

Because I can't afford to lose my health insurance.

Hey, William.

What was with Joan?

You'd think a sister would have a brother's back.

William, can I talk to you a minute?

I'll catch up to you later.

All right, you can skip the whole big rigmarole. I accept your apology.

Apology? I think you should be apologizing to me.

Oh. All right.

I apologize for being a crackerjack lawyer and winning the approval of my

superiors despite your efforts to undermine me.

Excuse me. I don't think you're the injured party here, William.

Oh, no?

You verbally assaulted me in front of Sweetelson and Darden.

I knew you wanted that second chair just as bad as I did, but, my God, woman, I

never took you as a sore loser.

I am not a sore loser!

You cut... me off and you stole my idea.

I didn't steal your idea. I didn't hear you. Would you give me the benefit of

the doubt? Why should I? Because I'm your friend.

And because you're my friend, I hope you pull me aside instead of embarrassing

the hell out of me. Yo, I thought we were more than just friends, William.

the only two black attorneys in this firm.

And it's hard enough as is. You should have had my back.

Look, don't play that race card with me. Why? Huh? Because you can't be loyal to

your people?

I get it.

I cut you off one time and that makes me the house nigger.

Let's just say I wouldn't ask you to be my lookout in the Underground Railroad,

okay?

Look, Joan, I don't come in here every day as a black man.

I come in here as an attorney who's earned his right to be here by his own

merits, and I will treat you and everybody else like they walked in here

same. No, correction, William. You treat every man here the same.

Black, white, man, or woman, it's not my job to babysit you or anybody else in

that room.

When we're in that conference room, we are competitors, and I am going to jump

for any opportunity I see. Oh, yeah. You admit it, then. You did step over me.

Give it up, Joan.

You want me to be your friend? You want some friendly advice?

Lighten up.

You walk into that conference room on guard with a stack of legal pads and a

schoolmarmish attitude that says, work, work, work. Excuse me, but this is a law

firm. That's right. It's a law firm with its own distinct culture that you have

to learn how to navigate.

Loosen up a little bit.

Laugh. Tell a joke.

Go for a ride in a man's Jaguar. I'm not going to be a kiss -ass like some

people I know.

Well, good luck out there, Counselor.

Take this feeling of peace with you.

Namaste.

Namaste.

Who's Nama?

And why's she got a stay?

It means the class has concluded and that we're in a state of peace.

Oh.

Listen, Phillip, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot the other day, but I

didn't really have the full 411 in your special circumstances.

Thank you, Maya.

Just think of me as a guide to a healthier mind and body.

You naughty boy.

I hope you don't think this is too forward, but...

Would you be interested in a date?

Well, the, uh, Bognash's teachings usually frown on this sort of thing. But

your case, my little lotus flower, I'm all over it. Ooh, great.

Because my cousin Ronnie, he owns a hair salon down on Crenshaw called

Situations. And I think you two really, really like each other. Wait, your

cousin Ronnie, did you say he?

Yeah. Maya, sweetie, I'm not gay.

Philip, sweetie, yes, you are.

No, really, I'm not.

Of course you are, Philip.

I mean, look at you. You flit around the room like a May breeze.

Okay, you have to be gay because you put your hands on my... Oh, my God. No, no,

I was just helping you with the poses. You misunderstood.

Wait a minute. Now I think about it. When you were grinding up against me and

downward -facing dog, I could have sworn that dog had a bone.

I told you I...

You're going down, Phillip. You're going down big time.

Ladies, listen to me. This fool ain't gay. Grab your stuff and run. He's a

pervert. No, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

My best friend is a lawyer. No, no, wait a minute. No, no, listen to me. I am

gay. I am, okay?

Okay, everybody come on back.

I'm good friends with Christopher Darden. There's going to be some

and repercussions.

I am so gay.

I watch Bette.

What the hell do you want?

Morning. Morning, everyone.

Sorry I'm late.

Back to do a jaguar in the garage.

Just kidding.

I'm kidding. You know, not... all work in here.

So why don't we begin?

Could I start, please?

Um, I'd like to move to strike my previous outburst from the record.

Counselor was under duress, and I got a little bit... What's the legal term?

I believe it's, uh, crybaby.

Anyway, I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

Motion granted.

All right, first item, Connery versus Lazenby. Any suggestions?

Well, I found an interesting precedent. I think we have a very weak case in this

one, sir.

Uh, Ken, I think Joan was talking just then.

We should really make an effort to hear what everyone has to say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I just think it would be in our best interest

to settle. I mean, let's face it. As I was saying, I have the perfect solution

for this.

Joan, are you all right?

I am, now that I have your attention.

I found a precedent that I think would be incredibly helpful.

Gerard versus Mullen is directly on point, and I don't think we should

think we can win this.

Well, I don't know. I mean, they're willing to settle.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr.

Sweetleson, but we are appearing in front of Judge Benedict, who is the same

judge who ruled in favor of Gerard. Wow.

Good work, Clayton.

Why don't you take second chair on this case?

Oh, what the hell.

Let's just see if this works.

Actually... Mr.

Thweedleson, I think I'm ready for first chair.

Nice arguments, counselor.

But you're still second chair.

You know, I feel like I made some real progress today.

Oh, that's good, Joan. But we're not going to make any real progress until

are running things around here. Oh, yeah? Well, I got a better one for you.

if we ruled the world?

That concludes today's business at Clayton Wilks and Associates. I love the

that sounds.

Anyway, so does everyone feel like they were able to verbalize what they wanted?

Yeah. Okay, great. So did you get that down, Ken? Yes, ma 'am.

Should we adjourn to the pedicure room?

Woo!

Did everyone get a chance to look at the paper this morning?

Peace reigns. No more war ever.

Woo!

crime is non -existent no one is homeless health care and child care are

universal president clinton did everything she promised huh any words on

they're going to let the men out of the camp i mean sisterhood is nice but i can

use me a little

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