Original subtitles

Yvonne?

How many times have I told you not to leave your front door unlocked?

I left it open like you asked me to. Oh.

Well, I also asked you to be waiting for me naked.

Yvonne, I can't. I've got all this work I've got to finish.

I don't bring my work home with me.

Although I did bring my handcuffs.

Baby, be a good girl and give me a half hour.

He digs my mind. He likes my spirit. He loves my soul. My heart opens up and I

let him take control. Yvonne, stop. I got work to finish.

So much love.

So much love for you.

Yes, I do.

No one can come between my man and me.

No way.

Take it off.

you for dinner. It was delicious.

I wanted to do something Valentine -y since you're going to be in Toronto for

Valentine's Day.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. No, no, it's okay.

Here. Oh, Joan, come on. I feel bad. I thought we weren't going to exchange

gifts. No, we said we weren't going to buy each other anything, but this is

something I had for a long time. It's precious to me, so I wanted you to have

it. Oh, great. That lets me off the hook.

It's a collection of sonnets by Pablo Neruda, and I bookmark my favorite

11.

I crave your mouth, your voice.

Your hair.

Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.

Bread does not nourish me.

Dawn disrupts me.

All day, I hunt for the liquid measure of your stuff.

That's beautiful.

You know what? I have something for you, too. You do? Yeah.

I've had it for a long time. Oh, okay.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Okay.

It's a keychain.

Wait, wait, wait.

It's a tape measure, too. Whoa!

This is not a Valentine's Day gift. Do you understand?

It's beautiful.

I will cherish this.

You guys, I don't think I'm cut out for these long -distance relationships.

Honey, Sean has only been gone for two days. I know.

Oh, ladies, the table is not ready to be seated yet. Oh, we don't mind the mess.

I kind of like family here. We're personal friends of the owner.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Please, step this way.

Oh, okay.

Now you can stand here and wait till your table's ready.

Oh, cute shoes.

Thank you.

Okay, as I was saying before we were so rudely herded over to the bar...

I left a message for Sean at the voicemail hit their town, and he didn't

back. So then I called again, and I left a message with the concierge, and he

still didn't call me back. So, what's that about?

I would be worried, too. I mean, Sean is a recovering sex addict. I mean, he

could have fallen off the wagon and be spending all of his payphone money on

Canadian street lockers.

You know what your problem is? You're all messed up by this Valentine's Day

razzmatazz. Right.

It makes people crazy.

It makes them want to suck on an exhaust pipe.

So I'm going to save a few souls and volunteer down the suicide hotline.

that's wonderful.

That's who I am. Give her.

Well, Darnell and I are going to go to our favorite motel for a night of

passion. A motel?

Flourish. Maya, go to a nice hotel.

Oh, no, girl. Those are the ditty hotels added to your bill when you get honey

and chocolate. I love the sheets.

Well, guys, I'm going to buy my man some nice clothes, and I'm going to take him

out for a nice dinner.

Guys, I wish I could be with my man on Valentine's Day. You know what?

I would fiddle for a phone call from my guy on Valentine's Day. Oh, well, you

can always cuddle up to that handy -dandy tape measure.

Hey, ladies.

Oh, hey, David. Hey, David.

Sorry things are a little hectic in here, but I've got some new staff

for me.

David. Hey.

So you do know these women?

Hi, I'm Ava. And this is Maya, Tony, Lan, and, uh, Joan.

Joan?

Joan, who spread vicious rumors all over town about how you slept with my

fiancé? Okay, but didn't you hear the one rumor about how sorry I was?

That's the one that was true.

I can see how you could be tempted.

She's cute, David. She kind of looks like me.

But there's only one of me, right, baby?

Right, babe.

Now, when you're through here, there are some people at the door who are

insisting on speaking with you.

Okay.

Bye.

That's code for back away from the women.

He's not in?

Well, can you tell him that... Never mind.

No message.

Joan, do you have a minute? Actually, William, I'm trying to finish this up.

Which one of these cards say, I like you a lot, lot, lot, and I may even love

you at some point, but I'm just not ready to say it, and I hope that doesn't

interrupt the frequency of our sex.

Okay, right off the bat, I'd say eliminate the Tasmanian devil.

Damn. What?

Nothing, I just had a tie to match that one.

All right, fine, here.

Why don't you just take one of my blank cards?

Write out exactly how you feel about her. No, that's the kind of crap that

save. The next thing you know, it's evidence in a palimony suit.

Okay, here, look.

This one's perfect.

She's looking at him, and he's looking at the sun. And I can staple a condom

inside which stands for sex.

I think we have found a winner.

Get careful where you put the staple.

Hey, William, how's it going? Great.

Hey, uh, I got some Valentine's Day cards for half price.

You got anything with the Tasmanian devil on it?

No.

I felt bad because you didn't get a table, so I brought you lunch.

Oh. And I think I remembered your favorite. Thank you. That is so sweet,

are you bringing it? Oh, Ava fired my delivery girl.

Apparently they had some kind of disagreement, and I'm not sure who was

but my life would be a whole lot easier if I just assumed it was Ava.

You know what? I'm really happy that you two got back together. I'm glad you're

working out. Yeah, you know, today's good.

One day at a time, that's all we can do.

Yep. Did I hear you're seeing somebody now? Oh, yeah.

Sean.

He's been out of town for three days and he hasn't returned my calls.

Anyway, Davis, is it too much for me to want a man who's thoughtful?

It's kind of funny.

You want more attention and I could use a little less. Yeah. I mean, Ava's idea

of a vacation is moving in on my restaurant.

Not that I'm saying Ava isn't great, because she is really, really great.

I mean, Sean's really great, too, you know?

I mean, uh...

He is a really important architect.

Ava's a buyer for Neiman's. I love Neiman's. Sean went to Berkeley.

Berkeley is a fine school.

Ava's a Pisces.

Sean let's wait.

Ava camps.

Tell me to break it off with Ava and I will.

You should be ashamed of yourself. What?

I'm talking about the fact that it's hard enough for a black woman to find

handsome, well -educated, gainfully employed heterosexual not living with

mother, brother.

And you, missy, you're just hogging up two of them.

You need to throw one back to the sister.

Give back to the community.

You guys, what am I going to do? What can I do? I have screwed this up.

Now I can't date either of them.

Girl, don't give that much back to the community.

Okay, so which one should I keep?

Davis!

He eats at his restaurant every damn day. The food's not that good.

Maya, Davis is just one rat in the kitchen away from bankruptcy.

Sean is an up -and -coming architect.

He designs houses. I sell them, Joan. He is perfect for us.

Okay, this is not helping. I've gotten myself into quite a mess here.

Joan, what does each man have to offer?

Okay. Well, Sean...

And I, we have been through a lot together, and we connected in a very

time, and you don't just throw that away.

You know, and then Davis and I, we have chemistry, and we're really comfortable

with each other, and we're like buddies, and he kisses like a son of a bitch.

But then again, so does Sean.

Oh, okay.

I can see this is going to be like that recount down in Florida.

Davis, hi.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about what happened. Yeah, and I haven't

been able to stop cleaning.

It's just too much for me to handle right now.

Look, I know you felt what I felt.

It was just a kiss.

You're much better kisser than you are liar, Joe.

Yeah, well, I'm a pretty bad liar.

So that's not saying much.

Look, I think we owe it to ourselves.

See if there's something worth exploring here.

Okay, this is... Complicated.

So let's figure it out in Palm Springs.

What? What?

No, no.

We can't do that. So let's figure it out in Santa Barbara.

You're crazy.

Look, if we leave now, we can spend Valentine's Day together.

What about Ava?

She gets car sick.

Why would we do that? Why would we hurt two people that we care about?

Joan, look, we have been dancing around each other for too long now.

And we're not doing them any favors until we figure out what's going on

us.

Let's do it. Let's go to Santa Barbara or Palm Springs or wherever. Just let me

go and pack some things, okay?

Okay. Okay.

But remember, I have a sports car. Don't be packing a footlocker.

Oh, hey, you know what? On second thought, I think we should take a boat

Catalina because then they'll lose our scent at Water's Edge.

Surprise. Sean. Happy Valentine's Day. Hi.

Um, what are you doing here?

Waiting for a big hug. I flew all the way back here just to surprise you. Oh.

You gonna invite me in or should I just plant these out here? No, no, no. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Okay, so, um, Davis, Davis, this is Sean.

Sean, this is Davis. David, look at that.

Isn't this... Isn't this a night for company, huh?

Tony, they were here and I'm here, but that's the world because I live here.

And see, David, he came by to talk to Lynn, but he forgot that Lynn doesn't

here anymore. So you know what, David? Thank you so much for stopping by.

Yeah, thank you.

So are we going or what?

Okay, I'm going to meet you at 847 and a half an hour, okay?

I've been gone three days and already you got another man?

I'm supposed to be the sex addict, remember?

I left you messages and you didn't call me back.

I was trying to surprise you.

I thought if I didn't call you, you wouldn't see it coming.

Okay, that is so not a good plan.

Look, Sean, when I didn't hear from you, I was afraid that you were with someone

else. Why? Because I'm a sex addict?

Well, I thought you were... With one of those Canadian streetwalkers.

You've got to trust me.

And you should have returned my calls.

If I had, I wouldn't have been able to surprise you with this.

Figured out how to add that second bathroom you've been talking about.

Oh, my God.

Sean, my sweet architect. Thank you.

You know what? It might be a little off. I didn't have my tape measure.

So what did I walk in on?

Nothing.

Nothing happened.

I promise.

Joan, I want us to take the next step.

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.

Bread does not nourish me.

All day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

What is the next step?

I want us to work.

Me too.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

Oh, happy Valentine's Day.

I got you a present.

You didn't put a bow on it.

Remember how I wouldn't let you turn the lights on last night?

Well, look up.

Oh, my God.

I couldn't afford to take you to Rome to see the famous painting on the ceiling,

so I painted you one of your own.

Oh, Greg, thank you.

It's you and me.

Why is my left nipple blinking?

That's your smoke detector.

Look, Fred, if you really wanted to kill yourself, you'd have gone on the roof.

Yeah, sure, I'll hold.

Oh, no, wait, Fred.

Okay, look.

Valentine's Day is hardly worth getting depressed over.

Did you know that originally it was like a pagan ritual to celebrate carnal

passion and sensual pleasure?

I live with a downright orgy.

What?

Oh, your voice sounds kind of sexy on the phone, Sam.

Um, well, I'm wearing kind of a little cut -off shirt, skirt.

Why, what are you wearing?

Oh, you must be cold.

If you'll notice, I do have on different clothes, which proves I haven't been

sitting here all night long.

I'm sorry.

Things got complicated with Sean, and... I waited two hours for you.

Only two?

Okay, two and a half, but that last half hour I was marrying Ketchups.

And in that time, I realized that Palm Springs would have been a big mistake.

Yeah.

I think you're right.

But I do have one question.

Would you really have gone with me?

Uh, David?

Sweetie, there's a new delivery guy here for you to interview.

Oh, hey, Joan. Hey.

I hope you and your boyfriend will be stopping by for a glass of champagne

tonight. Yeah, maybe we will.

Oh, and Joan, black is your color.

Hi.

What was that code for?

I don't know. I have to check the book on that one.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

Hey. Hey, I've got the chocolate and the mousse.

You ready to go? Baby, I tried to reach you.

Motel, all booked up.

Oh, man.

Well, you know that workplace fantasy you've always had?

No. Honey, we cannot do that.

Oh, yes, we can.

Honey, no, no, no, no. Joan is very picky about people touching her stuff.

no, no, no. No, no, honey.

Okay, you know what? She's going to have to get older. That's what I'm talking

about.

Do you like it? I love it.

Which is the front? Which is the back?

Try it both ways. We'll see.

That'll hurt.

Oh.

You're only going to wear it for 30 seconds.

Oh, I also got you this.

Oh, another present.

It's a little donut?

Not just any donut. It's a Krispy Kreme donut.

Look at how light and fluffy it is.

Oh, I love it.

I love you, too.

Stop. I'll take the check.

No, Greg.

No? You gave me a great new watch, a sweater, stable paintbrushes I've been

wanting. And you gave me my beautiful painting.

It's Valentine's Day.

You know, I'd also like to pay for dinner.

Thank you.

Okay, maybe not this dinner.

Fred, cheer up. Look, we're out.

Connecting on Valentine's Day?

Yeah.

Excuse me for a minute.

I'm going to go use the men's room.

Great, but I'm going to need your belt and shoelaces.

Table 12 needs to be buzzed. And somebody please set table 18.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

David, honey, it's Valentine's Day.

Why don't you just relax and let me take care of you?

Thanks, baby.

Here's to us.

It is chocolate. I'm going to go call those Hershey eating cleaning people.

Unacceptable.

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