Original subtitles

So, what's your single folk doing this weekend?

Come on, make it good. I got a little vicariously through y 'all.

Nothing. Me either.

I was just going to pumice my feet.

Hey, that's important.

Nothing worse than asking a woman to take her shoes off.

They're already off.

Wait a minute.

John, I thought you were going out on Saturday with the guy that you met at

gym. I know.

I said yes out of desperation, but I can't just go out with a guy that walks

around like he's still on the Stairmaster.

I've done the Sinbad weekend, trolled the Internet.

I'm out of options.

I'm never going to find my soulmate. Well, work for me in high school might

still work for you guys. I just made a list of all the things I wanted to make,

put it under my pillow, and the next day in auto shop, I met Darnell.

Yeah,

creative visualization.

That stuff works.

Hey, I want a guy. I'll try the lift thing. Me too. I'm between men and not

good way.

Oh, why not?

All right, here I go.

Making a lift, checking it twice.

Asking for somebody who's naughty and nice.

who will take out the garbage the night before and not the morning of, and who's

manly enough to take me without waking me.

Unless, of course, I have a big case in the morning, just got my hair done, or

I'm not in the mood.

What's this whole I'm not in the mood thing?

What's that even like?

You know what? I don't even want to know. Number one,

you must always be in the mood.

Maya, you already have a husband. Why are you writing a list?

I have a birthday coming up. Okay.

Just consult with each other before you shop, all right? I don't want to be

getting two of the same things.

Guys, I can't decide between the stability of a real estate tycoon or the

potential of an Internet startup tycoon. Tony, maybe you should put something on

your list that isn't just about economic status.

I have other things on my list, like steadfast,

erudite.

laugh at my bedhead in the morning.

Hey, you are copying off of my list. That's cheating.

Fine, if that's the way you want to be.

I came up with the perfect way to describe the ideal penis, but now you

use it.

There's one.

No potty mouth.

So, land girl, what'd you put on your list?

Smoker, non -smoker, vegetarian, carnivore, white flag, Asian, Hispanic,

Don't you think you want to get a little specific?

No. to be open to whatever the universe brings except for that penis thing tony

coffee i want a woman who's a nurturer but who's a tomboy a

bit of a rebel someone who's not afraid to climb a fence you just described an

escaped convict hey convicts conjugal visits all the sex i want without the

nag nag

Dad's single. We're leaving here with dates.

Now, go out there and get your men.

Or in my case, woman.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to start picking while the cotton's high.

Oh, practice?

Oh, look at that.

Something about it just speaks to me. Yeah, me too. It says, Joan, you are not

here to look at art.

I'll catch you guys later.

Hey, special lady.

I'm Dexter.

So, uh, has anyone ever mistaken you for a beautiful statue?

It was very nice to meet you, Jaxer.

But I gave up men for Lent.

It's amazing how the composition changes depending upon where you stand.

I can see hints of Jean Arp in the biomorphs. Really?

I was thinking more Roscoe.

Interesting. I think Rothko was a bit more tortured. I mean, if this canvas

a piece of music, it would be Mingus, because it's so textured, you know?

Art lover, jazz lover, cute butt, numbers 15, 16, and 4 on my list,

respectively.

Hi.

I'm Joan Clayton, by the way.

Sean Ellis.

So, has anyone ever mistaken you for a Hanson statue?

Yeah, you were supposed to laugh a little harder at that.

Um... I'm sorry, I'm a little preoccupied. The artist is a friend of

know she's going to ask me what I think. Well, if you'll excuse me, I better

make the rounds. It was nice meeting you. Oh, yeah, you... Are you going that

way? Yeah. Oh.

Well, me too.

Did you just come back here with the mini pizzas?

Where are you?

Yvonne! What are you doing here?

Oh, you know, cop by day, run a cop by night. What are you doing here?

Looking at art? Just looking at the art.

Well, don't touch it, because they told me I could do it with my belly closed.

All right, Yvonne, it was nice catching up with you.

We'll have to do it again real soon.

Maya. Maya, look at Joan.

She is all over that man.

That's our Joan. When she sees a man she wants, she just latches on like he's

meat on a stick.

I'll have a white wine, please.

Tony?

Oh, my God, Greg, what are you doing here? I mean, I see what you're doing

but what are you doing here?

Just paying the bills however I can while I try to sell my art.

Still. Well, it's nice that you can at least work in an art gallery.

Actually, I find it kind of frustrating.

So when I'm done here, I'm going to go home and take all that frustration out

my canvas all night.

You remember how intense I get when I'm frustrated, don't you?

Where's your white wine?

Thanks. Hey, you know, Joan and Lynn are here, too.

God, you look great.

So do you.

It's been a long time.

Last time I saw you, you were covered in red paint, and I was covered in blue,

and we laid on that canvas and made purple all night long.

It took me forever to get that purple out of my belly button.

Yeah, that was the night you told me you'd never love another man the way you

love me.

So, T -Bone, how are you doing?

You happy?

Wow. You know, it was really nice seeing you, Greg.

But I gotta go.

Well, most of the time I take the trash out at night.

Why are you asking me this?

Joe, I gotta get out of here. Oh, excuse me a minute. Would you? Yeah.

What? Tony, you're into me.

Greg is here.

Greg, Greg?

Yes. Hey, Joan.

Greg!

What a surprise!

Tony told me you were here.

Hey! How you doing?

Great! Just great. I finally got that law degree, and I've been practicing

and I bought a... Same old Joan.

Here.

My number's on it.

Call me sometime.

Tony!

We gotta get out of here. Yvonne is here.

Crazy internet, Yvonne.

She has got a billy club and hearing like a bat.

Well, maybe she's the woman on your list.

I doubt that.

My list has things like sensitive and compassionate.

Non -psychotic. But you did say you wanted a woman who could climb a fence,

William. And I think I saw her do that on cops.

I'm gonna go or not.

Yeah, come on.

Lynn, we're going.

Tony, we're all going.

Where? the question it's all right there i'm an architect but

you know what i'm a little tired of talking about me can we talk about

else a man who wants to talk about me that's number one on my list we have a

winner joe joe

we're leaving yeah come on let's go the bar just went cat

It's nice meeting you.

You too.

All right, well, it's going to be going any moment.

Going.

Okay, wait a minute.

Let me give you one of my cards.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm the woman.

See, I don't make the calls. I receive them.

It's my job to say yes, please, and thank you.

What time would you like me to be ready?

So, um, I'm going to give you my card.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Okay, I've got to go home and put a cute message on my machine.

I guess somebody's going to be calling me.

Any calls while I was gone?

Joan, if he had called, I would have paged you in the bathroom like you made

promise.

Hey, Maya.

What's up, girl?

Joan, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, come on.

What's up, Tony?

Why did I have to run into Greg?

I can't go back to living in a studio apartment, sleeping on a futon and

surviving on passion and ramen noodles.

Okay, Tony, so he's not rich.

But look at you.

You still love him.

You could support him.

A lot of families are doing that these days. Yeah, dysfunctional ones.

Look, I know you don't agree with my choices and what I want in my man, but

honest with myself, Joan.

And honestly, I want love.

And a five -car garage. What's so wrong with that?

What's wrong with that is that you only put the five -car garage on your list.

You never mentioned love.

Tony, Greg gives you goosebumps.

Yeah, an hour -long back rub.

He used to quiz me on my real estate exam while he greased my scalp.

He greased your scalp? Tony, call him. Call him.

And Maya, add he will grease my scalp to my list and print me out another copy,

would you?

Oh, his phone has been disconnected.

You see?

This kind of crap doesn't happen with millionaires.

Hello, William.

Hey, Yvonne.

Thanks for coming to meet me.

Yeah, what do you want?

Well, we seem to keep running into each other, Yvonne.

Now, I'm an empiricist.

I don't believe in fate.

But it did get me thinking.

Is it possible we're missing something?

Something worth exploring here? I mean, maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.

Can't get anybody to date you, huh?

Let's just call the whacked -out woman and take her out so you can't be doing

anything.

If you want to do the nasty, we can do the nasty.

But don't be bringing me into fancy restaurants trying to love me up just to

me down.

I don't want to lead you on, Yvonne.

I don't want to hurt you.

More importantly, I don't want you to hurt me.

Are you on the real?

It's lonely out there. You are preaching to the choir here.

It's funny you should say that.

I was in the choir.

Oh, so was I. Three years, second soprano, first Baptist.

Four years, first baritone, Episcopalian. You're kidding.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

This will never work, honey. We are way too different.

Besides, you're an empiricist.

That's true.

You're someone who doesn't know what the word empiricist means.

That's true, too.

Probably wouldn't work.

You got that right.

Yvonne, is that your gun?

Yes, of course.

Oh, thank God.

Well, ladies, here we are on another dateless weekend.

You guys are on a dateless weekend, and I'm on a vacation from my husband and my

child.

Hey, Lynn.

How are you?

Down at the gallery, looking at Red Triangle.

Again? That's every night this week.

No, and every time I look at it, I see something new. I don't get it. What do

you see?

Okay. First of all, it's a triangle within a rectangle, right? But it's also

within white.

Is it a red universe surrounded by a white void? Or is it a white universe

faulted by a red invader? And what about that area where the red borders the

white? What's it like to live in that moment of the part of the canvas?

Lynn, you're wrecking my vacation.

So, Lynn, when I got home, I looked for the... Oh, there were no messages for

you.

That is not what I was going to ask. Oh, what were you going to ask me then?

Oh, leave me alone.

That's it. It's been five days. He's not going to call.

Just another jerk. And I'm a jerk for thinking the whole list thing was going

change anything.

Maybe you scared him away.

You were kind of all over him. Guys don't like that. How would you know? You

were fixated on the stupid red triangle.

Whoa. You don't have to resort to art bashing.

Well, you act like I was stalking the guy.

Well, at least... I saw what I want and I went after it. You couldn't even

commit to choosing what you wanted on your list.

What's that supposed to mean?

Lynn, you say you're some sort of free spirit, but the truth is you are afraid

to commit to anything.

A degree, a job, a place to live.

And what about you? When are you ever going to commit to a color for your

bedroom wall?

I'm experimenting. You are avoiding.

Oh, really, Joan?

Well, you know, you're always complaining about how you can't find a

how something's wrong with all the guys you meet.

When are you ever going to consider the possibility that maybe you don't have a

guy because something's wrong with you?

Can you believe her?

Like, Sean isn't calling me because I did something wrong.

Oh, my God, you agree with her?

Great.

Um, Joan.

You did?

Come on.

A little strong.

A lot.

But, but, but it's a part of what makes you, you. Yeah. And I'm sure some men

like that. I don't know any, but I'm sure they're out there.

I can't go up to a guy and introduce myself. Did I or did I not put on my

that I wanted a guy that could handle a strong, independent woman? All I'm

saying, Joan, is that guys like the chase. I gave him my card.

I gave him a chance to chase me.

Yeah, but, Joan, he gave you his card. first you just had to control the chase

honey let the man do some of the work sean is my list

guy how can i fix it call him okay now i'm confused isn't that too controlling

not if you play the damsel in distress uh -uh that is not me i'm not gonna act

all weak and helpless No, no, no, no, honey. It's the okey -doke, okay?

You let him catch you, his ego goes up, he'll ask you to marry him, and then you

take charge of his life.

William?

What are you doing here?

Oh, I... Where's my hungry man? I've got dinner set up in the back.

Oh, hello.

You two were... That's right, Joan.

Yvonne and I are exploring the possibility of a relationship.

Sure, it's probably doomed.

Most romance is.

You know my William, he's an empiricist.

But for once, in our careful, timid lives, we're throwing caution to the

We're putting it all on the line and damn the consequences.

Then we'll probably go catch a movie.

Oh, that's great for you, William. That's great for both of you.

Congratulations.

Thanks, Joan.

Did you just look at his butt?

I don't blame you. It is kind of cute.

Now back off.

Oh, hey, Sean.

Thank you so much for meeting me here.

I'm at such a loss.

I want to buy a painting. I just don't know which one.

Okay.

Which ones are you considering?

Oh, I don't know.

Isn't that just like a girl?

Um, Jo?

Hmm? What's going on?

Nothing.

Nothing. It's just that we got off to a rocky start. I came on a little too

strong. Maybe a little too controlling, but that's not like me. I mean, I don't

put pressure on people unless I'm in court, you know, because then that's my

job, or if someone's bleeding, because then you know you want to apply

Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, hey.

Breathe. Breathe. Okay.

Look, I'll tell you what.

Why don't we start over, okay?

It's last week.

There are people around.

You're in that beautiful outfit I saw you in.

And I walk over and I say, hi.

Hi.

So, do you want to get married? Maybe have a couple...

about what I said.

I didn't mean for it to come out that way. No, no, no.

You're right.

You got me thinking. Maybe I do need to find some direction in my life.

At least take a little control, right?

So I'm gonna move out. No.

That's not what I meant.

No, it'll be good for me.

So you found a place?

Oh, get real.

I'm moving in with Tony. Oh.

Of course, she's not gonna make me dinner or fold my clothes, so...

You know, I am sorry for what I said to you. No.

I was just lashing out.

No, no.

You had some good points. I mean, you... You made me see some things.

And I got a man out of it.

So, here.

Ta -da!

Oh, my God.

It's an early birthday present.

Lynn. You do have real passion. And the way you feel about this painting shows

commitment. Enjoy it, sweetie. Enjoy it.

I'm going to go call Sean.

No, I'm not.

That was close.

Wait a minute.

It's a freaking red triangle.

The hell was I thinking?

Don't!