Original subtitles

Oh, Darnell, and I really appreciate you letting us renew our vows here.

Okay, you're going to love this, right? Okay. You're going to walk down the

aisle, and everyone's going to say, pretty, pretty, pretty, and then you

exchange vows.

Together, forever, love you, love you, kiss, kiss.

So you're going to mingle, mingle, hors d 'oeuvres, hors d 'oeuvres. Oh, shoot.

I forgot the introduction. Okay, so I'll announce you, and then it's on to the

toast. Come here.

Okay, now, if you need a toast, I've got two or three written out. Okay, and

then you throw them to me. Of course. Okay,

now, forget that whole guarded thing, because you don't want other men you

know looking up your dress, right?

Okay, so then you exit at a rearranged departure time, because it's really sad

for the bride and groom to close out their own party. And then we cheer you

Happy, happy. No rights.

Kills the birds. That's it. Okay.

Girl, you done given this just a little bit of thought, haven't you?

Hey, you got off lucky. When she makes me do it, I have to dress like the

because you're about to bust.

Can you blame me? I am two years past my target date, which is really four years

past because with all the courtship and engagement crap, it's going to cost me

another two years.

If you had any trouble following that, a timeline's posted in the laundry room.

Okay, so what do you want to do? Plan A or Plan B? Whichever one costs $600

because you know that's all I got.

You know, you could always sell your blood.

Which reminds me, if I'm going to get you a gift, I better get down to the

bank.

Oh, damn.

It's after four. All the good cookies are gone.

She is crazy.

Okay, Maya, don't worry about the money. Because with a little creativity and a

couple hundred extra from me, I'm going to make this into something really

wonderful.

It'll be my wedding gift.

Oh, thank you.

You're so good to me.

Thank you.

Okay, now, I got some ideas, too. Okay, that's great. Now, I was picturing

everyone surrounding us in a circle of love.

Won't that be beautiful?

Well, that's another way to go.

But let's talk about the cake. Okay, cake, cake, cake. Okay, I was thinking

white chocolate, raspberry ganache. Okay,

girl, but everyone in my family loves my...

Everybody standing in a circle eating pound cake.

It's a wedding.

Not some hands across America bake sale.

Oh, you don't want Aunt Sissy to go through all that trouble. Girl, how come

seems like you're shooting down every idea I have for my wedding?

Maya, sweetie, you're the bride.

So you're a little sensitive right now.

But no one... is dismissing your ideas. We are collaborating here.

You have ideas, I have ideas, and together we're coming up with the best

Mm -hmm, whatever.

Just as long as the ideas involve my family, because you know they weren't

the first time Darnell and I got married down at City Hall.

Don't worry about it, okay? It's going to be the perfect wedding. I hope so.

Girl, you know Darnell and I have been through so much recently, and I just

this renewal to be a fresh start for us.

Mm -hmm.

You know there's... One more thing that would make it absolutely perfect.

I was going to ask you to be one of my bridesmaids.

That is so sweet.

Wow!

My 14th dint as a bridesmaid.

I'd love to. Great. Now come over tonight because my mama is making the

gonna need you for a fitting okay anyway let me give you the directions to my

place here all right girl now if you pass comms and high you have gone too

so maya are there um any colors i should worry about wearing um

yeah white after labor day

the brothers, huh?

Why would they want to pass up all of this for that?

I don't know, Tony. They could be in love.

She's fat.

Tony, I think she's pregnant.

You think?

Brothers are so desperate for white women they don't even care that she's

knocked up.

Do not even sit there and try and act like you have not dated a white man. I

today outside my race. That heifer took my man.

Okay. But you see, this phenomenon is not exactly a bad thing because if black

men weren't attracted to white women, I wouldn't even be here.

Hey, ladies. Hey, William. Hey, Willie.

So you meeting someone here?

No.

You're eating alone?

Yeah. Oh, honey, get some takeout. Have some fries.

You're right. Make some room.

So, what are you guys talking about?

That.

Every time a brother gets a little success, he goes looking for his little

trophy wife.

Well, that's an unfair generalization.

A lot of times black men go out with white women because they live in the

condo community, or they happen to meet in the laundry room.

William, not you too. It's not serious.

It's just dinner or a movie. A little clap and tickle.

Well, what do you want me to do? I mean, it's not like black women are checking

for mate.

I'm so over brothers blaming it on the sisters. Yeah, well, who should I blame?

I'm an eligible black man.

I've got formidable assets and a clean blood panel. And yet black women aren't

into me because I'm not dangerous.

I'm not a baller or a shot caller.

Well, that's true, William. Not exactly what I'd call cool, but I'll give you

points for the slang.

With white women, the mere fact that I'm black makes me a little edgy.

But since you're enjoying the playing, it gives me flavor.

I got you.

Hey, hey, hey. Donna, I told you not to play with that in this house.

Stop fussing and let him play. And be glad your husband's at home.

You want me out of your hell.

Stop it. Stop it, baby.

Quit playing. Donna, stop it. Everything is going to be beautiful.

Thank you, baby.

Ew, you're nasty.

Hi, guys.

How are you? Hi.

Oh, my God, you have such a great place.

Thank you. Joan, this is my mother, Jeanette. Jeanette, this is Joan.

Oh, my God, you are not. You look like her sister.

Okay, I like her.

You know, I had her when I was two, and it was all... the paper i've heard so

much about you i have heard so much about you she talks about you all the

oh and this is my cousin juanita hi i'm cousin nico hi we're not blood i'm a

play cousin nice to meet all of you you got a little junk in your trunk

we are okay um okay so

let's see the flowers have been ordered um the menu is all set and

i managed to get the champagne at cost girl you are going crazy

i guess it's nice to have rich friends

to this dress, girl. It is so hot. Mommy, mommy, get the dress. I don't

she can see it.

Does it look anything like Juanita?

Oh, no.

I specifically designed each dress to fit the personality of my bridesmaid.

Okay. Now, Juanita, come here, boo.

Now, see, since Juanita is the maid of honor, hers is a little special. Okay,

turn around.

But see, as you can see, the organza, it just ties it all in together. Thank

you, thank you. Mama, mama, come here.

This is your dress. Girl, look at the detail. It is so hot, okay?

Now, this dress might get you a husband.

Well, the craftsmanship is excellent.

Kudos, Jeanette. Well,

girl, what's your feeling now?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I just, you know, I mean, with the wedding motif

we'd agreed upon, I was expecting something a little more classic. What?

dance is classy.

True, true, when used as an accent.

Well, Joan, if you have some ideas, just tell me. I can make changes. Well, I

don't know. I mean... Okay, well, like, maybe if the organza was just on the

sleeves and the waist and if the skirt was in satin instead of that really nice

fabric that you made that out of.

And then the organza, we could just tie it around the flower.

You know?

Yeah.

Why don't you just, like, design, like, a whole new dress while you at it? Look,

I can't afford another $50 dress.

I can pay for it. I can pay for everybody.

And, you know, wait, I pulled these pictures out of a magazine.

And, Jeanette, you are such an amazing seamstress. I am sure that you could

knock off this Vera Wang easily.

Vera Wang is the premier wedding designer.

Yeah, we know who Vera Wang is. Yeah, we know. We don't only know FUBU. No, I

wasn't saying that you didn't know.

Then what, Jo? What you saying, girl?

Come here.

Come here.

I'm saying that I care about you.

And I want you to have the most beautiful wedding.

The best wedding.

So you're saying what Maya wants isn't the best?

No, I'm just...

Trying to help make the wedding more tasteful.

Fine, Joan.

You want my wedding to be more tasteful? Then don't come.

Okay, wait.

That is not, that is not what I meant.

You are blowing this way out of proportion, okay?

And you can't uninvite me anyway. The wedding isn't my house. It was. It's

house.

My baby was too tasteful to say this, but I'm not.

Get out.

Thank you.

Oh, look at this.

Cuba Gooding Jr.

and his white wife.

Wesley Snipes and his Asian woman.

And Kobe Bryant with his... Whatever she is, she's not black.

What you reading, mixed marriage magazine?

We've got to do our part to keep the brothers in the fold.

Starting with William.

Okay, but you marry him because I'm too tapped out for a blood test.

No.

Uh -uh. But what if we were both his dates to Maya's wedding?

It's brilliant.

See, if he shows up with a stunning black woman on each arm, the other

will think he's about something.

We would have done a good deed, and Lord knows I need that in my portfolio.

That's true. Okay.

Hey, Joe.

You won't believe what Maya just pulled.

She's not having the wedding here anymore.

What happened?

I don't know. She went nuts on me. I simply... suggested that we change the

bridesmaid dresses.

Why would you do that? Because they were ugly.

Look, don't get me wrong. I love Maya, but sometimes her taste is an issue. For

who? Well, me.

It's always been an issue for me, and I've made no bones about that.

So you understand what I'm working with.

Joan, whose wedding is this? It's Maya's.

It's Maya's wedding.

But you would think with all of the time, money, and effort that I have put

this that she would be a little more appreciative.

I mean, I am giving this woman the wedding of her dreams.

No, you're giving her the wedding of your dreams.

My dream, her dream, it is still a dream wedding.

Okay, Joan, if Maya wants to have a ghetto fabulous wedding, let her have

Oh, Johnny, you know what? I promise, someday your prince will come. Yeah,

well... You better get here by Saturday.

Because I put a non -refundable deposit on the white chocolate raspberry

ganache.

Honey, that Saturday's a long ways away.

But right now, you need to back away from Maya's wedding.

All right.

All right.

Fine.

I'll apologize.

But I am not serving mimosas made with Sunny D.

Maya, can I see you for a second?

Maya, I'm sorry.

I imposed my wedding vision on you, and that was completely unfair.

So if you want to have the pound cake, the circle of friends, the dresses,

whatever, I'm okay with it.

Okay? I mean, let's just do this and make the best of this wedding. The best?

this wedding?

Do you hear yourself?

Yeah. Do you hear me? I'm apologizing.

Joan, it's not just about the wedding.

You know, you don't see my ideas as different from your ideas. You see them

less than yours. And that's classless and egregious.

Classless and egregious?

What? What, you surprised?

Well, I had to learn them early because there are a lot of people who think like

you. Whoa.

Maya.

That is...

I'm just trying to help you by exposing you to something new.

This is no different from when I helped get you into the paralegal course or

when I gave your family the museum pass or when I gave you the shirt that you're

wearing.

Well, this may surprise you, Jo, but I was a whole person living a happy and

full life before Miss Booker T. Clayton decided to pull me up by my bootstraps.

Maya, you are taking this.

The wrong way. No, I'm not. The truth is that we live in two different worlds

and you look down on mine just because nobody can afford nor want some funky

Martha Stewart wedding. But you can't even appreciate that I'm rich in other

ways. I mean, the fact that my aunt is baking the cakes and my mother is sewing

the dresses and that I have loved one Jones who can celebrate the way I want

celebrate. But how would you know that?

Well, you've known me for a year and yesterday was the first time you even

bothered to come to my house. You know, I'm tired.

I'm tired of having to teach white folks what's so special about where I come

from or what colors they need to wear when they come to my neighborhood. But

even more tired of having to teach sadidi black folks like you.

I know it's a little uncomfortable in here, and we'll get started in a few

minutes. And it'll cool down in here as soon as the sun passes to the west side

of the building.

Does anybody else feel kind of weird, you know, Joe not being here?

Forget Joe.

We're here to get me a sister.

My people are about to melt in here, baby. You ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, that's our cue, people. Come on, let's get in a circle.

Make room for my babies, Jabari and Darnell, right there in the middle.

we're ready.

Who knows?

gotta keep

you get the dress she wore me down maya you know those lawyers and their double

talk show you think with all the martha stewart magazines she's

read she'd know that the bridesmaids are supposed to go down the aisle before

the bride

see

that's what's so great about having an informal wedding

start all over again.

Thank you.

You look so beautiful.

All right, we're lurking and losing people. Let's go. Let's just do this

wedding, okay?

Why don't you go use a little flat?

Y 'all get it together.

I'm sorry for the delay, baby.

I'll marry you all day.

Or at least till seven, because that's when the game comes on.

And she's black.

All right, William.

Which means you guys got to find another right home, because the big daddy

mobile is booked.

Our work is done.

Now, on to our next mission, Lynn.

You take Cuba, I'll take Kobe.

Here I am, watching yet another happy bride and groom, wondering if my prince

will ever come.

Do you want to dance, Auntie Joan?

I'd love to.

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