Original subtitles

Well, there is Joan.

It's not like her to be so late. Well, I'm sure she's running herself ragged

trying to get everything for y 'all's Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, that's right. I still have to tell her I'm not going to be there. I have

this family thing in Fresno.

You're not going to be there?

Neither am I.

I promised to help out at the homeless shelter. You know, if it had been so

helpful to me in the past.

And I'm going to be in Kansas City.

You know, Mama's 64 years old. I figure we only have 30 or 40 more Thanksgivings

left together.

Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm late. I was running around getting all the

ingredients for what I am calling an N. Tuck it Thanksgiving.

What do you think would be best? Pecan pie or sweet potato pie?

Whatever comes in a single serving.

What? They're all bailing on you, Jo. You mean you're not coming to my

Thanksgiving dinner? None of you? I wanted to, but they all talked me out of

Well, that's okay.

I'm barely even prepped yet.

Are you sure you're going to be okay without it?

Sure. This is good for me. I could really use some down time. It'll be

I'll spend the entire holiday in bed.

Joan, I've done that. It's pretty exhausting.

I'm in alone, Lynn.

Don't deny it. If you do it right, it's pretty exhausting.

Have you seen the Thanksgiving reenactment at the Beverly Center?

I'm here to pick up four sweet potato cheesecakes I ordered.

Thanks.

Kelsey Grammer?

Yes. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This is like the biggest celebrity signing I've ever had here. I'm a huge

yours. I understand you recognize me from television, but you have me at a

disadvantage.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Hi, I'm Joan Clayton. Joan, hi. Hi.

So, Kelsey, four cheesecakes, huh? Oh, yeah.

Is it a big gathering you're going to?

Well, you know, not too big.

Are Niles and Martin going to be there?

I was going to have a whole gang of people over, too. No celebrities, of

Yeah. It was going to be real special, though.

You don't like being alone on holidays, huh?

Why do you say that? Well, actually, after you play a psychiatrist for as

as I have, you've got to recognize the time. You know, alone on a holiday

Yeah. I've been there myself.

I could tell you some stories.

You probably read some of them, actually.

Excuse me.

These were prepaid, I believe, right?

Great. Happy Thanksgiving.

Nice meeting you, Joan. You too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You too. Take care. Happy turkey.

Don't follow me.

I'm really sorry I couldn't get you a table, but they are reserved for people

who are here with other people.

So how'd you enjoy the turkey dinner?

It was okay.

You'd think I'd get a little more cranberry sauce for $75.

Where's your holiday spirit?

Thanksgiving is a holiday manufactured by the murderous plunderers who stole

this country from its rightful owner. And you are profiting from it.

Yeah, ain't America great?

But you don't have to worry, Joe.

Your dinner's on me tonight.

Really? Thank you.

Don't mention it.

It's a special occasion.

You are a special lady.

Just don't stroll in here alone at Christmas time and expect the same deal.

Excuse me, is this fee taken? No, I'm alone.

Not that I have a problem with that. I'm quite content to be alone on a holiday.

Okay, then I'll just sit here, but I won't speak to you.

Preston C. Hall, aren't you? The Washington attorney.

Guilty. I'm sorry. That is such an old lawyer joke. I'm sorry.

No objection here.

I'm a lawyer, too.

So, you know me. Who are you?

Joan.

Myth. Joan Clayton.

Well, Miss Joan Clayton, that was very subtle.

I'm not married, either.

I know. I know. I read that article on you in Black Enterprise.

So, are there any articles I can read about you?

Well, um, my Girl Scout troop is in the Fresno Bee.

You know, I tell you, generally, I don't enjoy talking to lawyers, but if they

all were as beautiful as you, I'd never leave the courtroom.

So, I see you two have met.

You two know each other?

Ah, forever.

Oh, back in the day, me and this boy used to bust tables together.

Oh, and look at you now.

The youngest attorney ever to argue in front of the Supreme Court. cream court

and davis you're still busing tables yes but they're my tables

now so preston you decided what you want to eat yet i don't suppose you fried

turkey here because you know it's not thanksgiving for me unless i'm having my

grandmother's fried turkey i love fried turkey hardly a holiday goes by that i'm

not in my kitchen frying a turkey what in the hell's a fried turkey

Is this an invitation?

Sure. I mean, come on, you can't eat Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant.

Why not? You just did.

Well, that's very kind of you, Joan. I accept your invitation.

Great. Yeah, me too, me too. My final seating is just finishing up.

I'll even bring the turkey, because I can't wait to see you fry it, Joan.

have to leave on the red -eye tonight yeah i'm afraid so i have a meeting

tomorrow morning at the white house wow the white house that's no big deal they

don't even get bet well this is turning out to be an all right day my friends

bailed on me which is a good thing because if they hadn't i never would

you well here's to your no -show friends

I look here, man.

Jonah and I, we got the kitchen covered. Why don't you go out and get the

vegetables started on the grill?

Man, who grills vegetables on Thanksgiving anyway?

Martha Stewart does.

Therefore, I do.

Preston, you want to come get the door for me?

Something wrong with your foot?

Hey, man.

Don't be Mac and Jonah, all right?

She's not some courthouse groupie. Oh, I'm sorry, man. Is that you?

No, she's a friend.

Look, I'm just a man trying to get these vegetables on the grill, all right?

Okay, then why don't you put the vegetables on the grill and leave, and

can finish up.

I don't know what they teach you all in law school, but in the restaurant trade,

when a man puts his vegetables on the grill, he stands by the grill.

Okay, then you man the grill, and I'll man the woman.

You know what? There's something you should know. You know how some women

three -day rule?

Joan has a three -month rule.

All rules have a loophole.

That's why Bill Clinton calls on me, my brother.

So, you want to give me a hand seasoning the turkey?

Oh, I don't know. I'm not good in the kitchen.

You just haven't had the right teacher.

Then teach me.

All right.

Follow my lead.

That's for you.

All righty.

So, uh, how long should we rub this thing?

As long as it takes.

This feels nice. Yeah, it is nice, isn't it?

Doing a very good job.

Oh, uh, you missed a spot.

Just over here, yeah, on the breath, yeah.

I didn't want to move too fast.

I just met this turkey.

Okay. The vegetables on the grill.

Everything okay in here?

Hey, uh, listen here, Davis. I gotta be frank with you, man. We kinda wanna

spend some time alone.

Is that true, Joan?

Well,

what he meant by alone was... We were just gonna... Thanks for clarifying that

for me.

That's fine. I mean, if that's how it is, I can't guarantee how the vegetables

will come out, but good luck.

Happy Thanksgiving.

So, where were we?

I think I was about to rub a thigh.

I'm Preston Hall.

Oh, my goodness, the famous attorney. Hi, I'm Maya Welch, Jones' executive

assistant.

She makes me download every article about you on my launch app.

All about you.

It's me on the article day.

Girl, that's not a secret language anymore, eh?

I thought you were having dinner with Darnell's mom.

Girl, please don't get me started, okay? We had a big fight right as we were

passing around the biscuits, and she doesn't think I noticed it. She left my

name out of the blessing.

Can we talk about this in the morning?

Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't leave your family on Thanksgiving.

I know you're Mr. High Powered, but you know, it strikes me as odd that you're

all up in my business.

And Joan, I didn't drive all the way up here upset to be put off until tomorrow.

Okay, okay.

Maya, what's the problem?

It's Darnell.

I mean, everything was going great up until tonight, all right? He told his

mother that I called her a witch in our marriage counseling sessions, and you

know and I know that's not true, and I don't talk about that bitch behind her

back.

Okay, all right. We can talk about this while I cook the turkey. This will take

long. Just relax.

I'll get your glass of wine.

Yeah, Preston, relax.

It's Thanksgiving.

I thought you didn't buy into Thanksgiving.

Oh, call me patriotic. I'm starting to get swept up in the spirit.

Okay, Joan, what is the turkey doing in the skillet? I'm going to fry it.

You don't know...

about frying a turkey, okay? Where's your meat hook and your Folgers can of

bacon grease?

Maya, I don't have either.

All right, all right, let me think. Let me think. We're gonna have to improvise,

okay? Give me some cocoa butter and some jumper cables, okay?

All right. What are you doing?

It'll be a lot safer to fry this turkey on the grill than in the kitchen. I

gotta get this thing out there before the cocoa butter congeals.

Joan, you wouldn't happen to have a fire extinguisher, would you?

I don't need one. Do I?

No, not unless you have a garden hose.

It just occurred to me.

I don't want you to think that I run around to restaurants and pick up

all the time.

Only on holidays, right?

No, really.

It's just that I feel so comfortable with you.

I feel like I've known you longer than three hours.

Anything like three months?

I took a Dramamine with a shot of bourbon at the airport.

You may not know this about me, but I have flying issues.

I passed out and missed every flight to Kansas City.

You don't have any turkey left, do you? I've had nothing but Starbucks and soft

pretzels all day.

Who's the new guy?

Oh, I'm Preston Hall.

Preston C. Hall?

Never heard of you. You're kidding.

So, you're the one that raised the bar and made it tough for the rest of us

black attorneys to feel good about ourselves.

I hate you.

I'm just kidding.

It's nice to meet you. I'm Vernon Jordan.

No, I'm not!

I'm just kidding.

I'm a little high on caffeine right now.

Joan, can I use your bedroom phone? I've got to call my mother and I don't want

everyone to hear me sobbing.

Just kidding, right?

No.

Quick.

I know so much about you, so why don't you ask something about me?

Do you have any more friends?

Joe, I need you to be totally honest with me. Do I look like a homeless

Because I went to the homeless shelter to serve the homeless, and the staff

trying to serve me.

And I started to protest, and somebody asked me if I was off my meds.

Is she?

We're not really sure.

So... What's in the box, Lynn?

Parting gifts, being homeless has its perks.

Check it out, my favorite, spaghetti hose.

Sanitary products, always need those.

And clean underwear, I don't have to do laundry until Sunday.

I'm Lynn, who are you?

I'm Preston Hall.

Wow. You know, I really admire your work.

Although, actually, that article on tort reform in the National Law Review was

poorly thought out and had a couple of typos.

Thanks. All right.

Guess I should fire my assistant.

Yeah, right.

Blame it on the help.

You know what, Joan?

I mean, I feel like I'm coming between you and your friends, and I'm sorry the

evening didn't work out the way we planned, but I'm going to say goodnight,

I'll call you sometime. No, no, no, you won't. No, no, no.

Um, just give me ten minutes, then I'll get everyone out of here.

Hey, when I dunk this sucker, y 'all need to run for cover.

You think that turkey will fry in ten minutes?

Back it up. The eagle is about to land.

I'm hit. I'm hit.

How bad is it?

Am I going to scar?

No, you're going to be fine. Just relax.

Thank you for taking care of me, Preston.

Jonah! I've checked every medicine cabinet. You don't have any aloe vera

Aloe vera gel is the only thing for burns.

Then why don't you go down to the drugstore and get some?

Joan, I've had the worst day of my life.

Come on!

I couldn't stay in Fresno for another minute.

I love my family. I do.

But, girl, they are country.

And they remind me of everything I spent the last ten years trying not to be.

Okay, country is fine.

When you're talking about a country estate or a country like France.

Hi, Tony Childs, and you are?

I'm Preston Hall.

No, you're not. I've had Preston Hall.

No, you have not.

Well, then who was the guy that... Oh, my God.

I need to lie down. I faced some harsh realities today.

Okay, okay, that's it. All right, everyone out. The woman needs some peace

quiet. What the woman needs is some damn aloe vera. Okay, forget what the woman

needs. Everybody get out.

Wait a minute. Is something burning?

Fire, fire!

Call 911!

Call 911!

Oh, my God!

Somebody needs to go out there and smoke a little flame. We need some salt. Joe,

do you have any salt?

Get your spaghettios.

Thank you.

Thank you for the eventful Thanksgiving.

I'm completely over my fear of flying.

It's been replaced by the far more terrifying fear of being burned alive.

I'm telling you, John, there is nothing like a near -death experience to make

everything crystal clear. That fire was a symbol of rebirth and renewal.

Darnell and I have to renew our wedding vows.

That's so sweet. Let me know the date. Bye.

Preston Hall.

Are you sure we didn't have relations?

No, I think I would have remembered that.

Of course you would.

But your name, Preston Hall, for some reason... Tony, freshman year we lived

Preston Hall.

Oh, that's right.

I had relations in Preston Hall, not with Preston Hall.

My bad.

Bye -bye. Happy Turkey Day. Bye -bye. Oh, Tony, don't forget your SpaghettiOs.

Send them to my family. They love them.

Joan, are you sure you don't want me to stay and help you clean up this mess?

No.

Okay.

But don't come crying to me when you can't get the sit off your wicker.

So, Lynn, go and eat your dinner in your room.

No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian.

I don't eat turkey.

Then go in your room and try on your new underwear.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that'd be fun.

See how easy it is to get rid of my friends? Yep. All you had to do was burn

your house down to do it.

Oh,

please tell me that's just your heart racing.

No, that's my alarm.

I have a plane to catch.

We have to get together the next time I'm in L .A.

Just promise me you won't cook.

Done. Not even tough.

You'll want these for the plane.

Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving, Joe.

Happy Thanksgiving, Preston.

Lynn, please tell me you know how to get set out a wicker, because I can't ask

David.

Can you get that?

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Hello?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Uh -huh. Right.

You're a life loser.

Oh, you joker. I've seen the other number of a good therapist for you.

He's pretending to be Kelsey Grammer.

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