Original subtitles

Oh, my God.

Huh?

Hello?

Tony, you're on the front page of the newspaper.

Really? Yes.

How do I look?

Very jungle feverish, hanging on the arm of city councilman Jim Borden.

Isn't he cute? That's my little white boy.

Doesn't he look like Brad Pitt?

No, he looks nothing like Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, they all look alike to me.

Tim Borden for mayor.

Tim Borden for mayor.

Oh, Tim Borden for mayor. You guys put these on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why aren't you wearing one?

Hello, Silk.

Hello, Republican.

Hello, radical extremist.

Guys, you gotta help my man get into the mayor's office.

Yeah, what's his platform, Tony? I don't know. Something about education, but

I'm pretty sure he's for it.

You know, girl, I was surprised when I heard you were dating Cal Smith Borden.

Why? Because he's white?

You've dated white men before. Yeah, but you never dated a broke man before.

Politicians don't make any money unless they're crooked.

But they have power, Maya. They control zoning and I fill real estate.

Let's call you Scratch My Back.

I get rich.

That's real cute.

Well, I like to call it boning for zoning.

Look, y 'all got errands to run. I will see you when you're back at the office.

Bye.

You guys, I need to talk to you about Maya.

It's serious.

This morning at the airport when I was on my way back from that business

Wait a minute.

You went on a business trip?

No wonder I went hungry last night.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice if I stopped in to say hi to Darnell.

Who's Darnell?

Maya's husband. Tony, you have met him five or six times. He's a baggage

handler. Oh, and I guess next you're going to expect me to remember the name

the valet who parked my car.

That's his face.

And he's not just a valet. He used to be an optometrist. Anyway,

I walked in on Darnell and he was having lunch with some woman.

It was really weird.

Yeah, that is weird. Why would he be having lunch in the morning?

I don't know. Maybe it was breakfast. The point is, I walked in on him and she

was feeding him.

A strawberry.

A strawberry.

Yeah, he's cheating on her.

Well, I mean, he must be doing something. When I walked in, Darnell was

too friendly and chatty, and she disappeared a little too quickly.

They acted like they were caught.

Joan, you're building a case on a chatty baggage handler, a shy woman, and a

piece of fruit.

If you want a conviction here, you're going to have to plant a weapon or a

or something.

No.

And you've got to realize that women have a certain gut instinct about these

matters. It's something nature gave us as a defense in case we run into a dog.

Now, that argument is irrelevant and admissible and kind of stupid.

The question is, what do I say to Maya?

About what?

You don't know anything.

I could just tell her that I had a gut feeling and she could...

draw her own conclusions.

Why don't you tell her you got hit on the head, regressed into a former life

where you met a mystic who told you that one day in the future you'd meet a man

named Darnell who would cheat on his wife?

You know, you joke, but crap like that happens.

And then?

It's my bedroom.

Wow.

Got milk?

Now I do.

Yeah, you sure do.

Oh.

Oh, am I going too fast?

No, no, no, no. I just got a little neck cramp.

Maybe I can make it all better.

Whoa.

I'm sorry.

Please, sit down.

Look, before we go any further, there's something that you should know.

Oh, my God.

It's your first time, isn't it?

That is so cute.

No, but before you find out on your own, I have a weave.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?

Well, I think I, uh... No.

All this hair isn't mine, but technically it is because I bought it.

But my real hair is short and the other hair is sewn into it so that I can have

long hair.

Wow.

If you have an issue with this, you can walk out of the door right now.

Tony, why would I leave?

You're beautiful.

I don't care about your weavy thing.

Are you sure?

I mean, because in the moment of passion, I mean, you can't go yanking on

Yeah, so I can't touch the hair. I can live with that.

As long as I can touch everything else.

Well, me first.

Are you sure you're not black?

Maya, I need your advice about something.

If you had some information about a friend.

Oh, friend. Who's a friend?

Maya, the name's not important.

What's important is if you knew something that you thought might hurt

friend, if you knew, but you weren't absolutely sure what you knew, would you

tell them what you know?

You know?

No. I don't know, Joan. It's kind of hard for me to focus without a name.

you forget the name?

The first rule of journalism is who, what, when, where, and why.

I'm just trying to get a who. It doesn't matter who.

It's Tony, huh?

No, Maya, it's not Tony. This is a hypothetical question.

Okay. So it's Maya, right?

Maya, no.

Oh, my God.

Girl, it's about me and it.

No, no, no, no. No, it's... It's William.

Girl, okay. Oh, my goodness. Now we are getting somewhere.

Okay, tell me, tell me, tell me. Oh, he's gay, isn't he?

No.

Uh, see, William has this girlfriend, uh, Danielle.

William Dent has a girlfriend?

How long have they been together? Seven days.

And, you see, I think I saw her cheating on him at the air show.

Okay, well, Jodi, if you're not sure about what you saw, you should just keep

your mouth shut.

Thank you, Maya. That is very, very helpful.

Now I know what to do. I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Good, because it looks

like you're going to need my help with a bigger personal problem.

What? Girl, you went to an air show.

Man, I'm frustrated with this case.

Oh, don't worry about it, William. The Logan deposition can't go on forever.

You okay, William?

Yeah. Just having a bad day, Maya. Yeah, I know. I know.

Oh, the time. The effort.

Where's the appreciation?

Is it so hard to return a phone call? Just dump her, William.

She doesn't deserve you. You're a good man. Cut loose. Cut who loose? Danielle.

Who's Danielle?

That's right, baby.

Who is Danielle?

She ain't nobody. Forget her.

I'm confused.

which is a perfectly normal reaction to a breakup. You just need to pray about

it. And I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Joan told me she saw that heifer cheating on you. Some what air show?

Oh, well, Joan, Joan witnessed that, right? My ex -girlfriend, Danielle.

You know, that caught me by surprise because she was so into me. What, me

the best lover she's ever had and all?

Wait a minute.

There is no Danielle, is there?

Not anymore, didn't you hear?

Heifer was cheating on me.

All right, William, what's going on here?

Nothing, gotta go.

It's about me, isn't it? Can't you tell when a heartbroken man wants to be

alone? Could you ease up a little on the Hugo boss?

Somebody better start talking. All right, Maya, all right, all right.

Maya, what's going on?

Joan, could you please come clean with Maya?

I've got a summary judgment to give in 15 minutes.

Tend to frown when you show up with a small, angry black woman attached to

Joan, I know there's no Danielle.

If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go warm up my travel iron.

What's going on, Joan?

Okay, Maya.

It's about Darnell.

I saw him with another woman.

was sitting next to this woman and that means he was cheating on me she was

feeding him maya a strawberry look i don't know maybe that's something that

do in baggage handler world but i don't go around feeding my co -workers fruit

do you how close were they sitting close enough i don't know look i saw

something and it was kind of strange and i thought you'd want to know it was

just a feeling and a story oh right feeling huh What about your feeling that

Lynn was only going to be in your house for a week and the feeling that you'd be

married by the time you're 27 and that, oh, no one would ever spend $99 for a

kid's scooter.

Was all that a feeling too, Joan? I'm sorry I said anything.

No, girl, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to have my back, okay? But I know my

husband. I know Darnell, and he would never, ever cheat on me, okay?

If he could find someone better than all this, then he needs to go hell. I'll

even pack him a lunch.

Well, I admire your confidence.

When you put it on him like I do, he has no energy to see another woman.

What are you doing?

I'm just looking at your hair.

You know, from a distance, you'd never know that it was sewn in.

It's so intricate, like macrame.

Tim, it is 2 o 'clock in the morning.

It looks so real.

It should. It's human hair. I paid $700 for it. No.

Where do you get human hair?

From some Korean lady on Crenshaw.

Really? Where does she get it?

From some Korean's head in Korea, I guess.

I knew they were having food shortages in North Korea. I had no idea they were

harvesting human hair.

Honey, we will tackle international issues when you run for president.

But right now, you're just running for mayor.

I love your confidence in me.

What about this little curl? Is that part of the weave?

Get out of my kitchen.

Your kitchen?

Look, I am tired, okay? Tomorrow I will explain all about naps and bitty beads.

Oh, hey, baby. I thought you'd be asleep by now.

Hey, I... I couldn't sleep, Darnell.

I was feeling a little, um...

Oh, no, baby. I'm dog tired. I just want to take a shower and crash.

Well, then I will come in and make sure you get clean all over.

I got a new loofah.

No, that's okay, baby. I just want to make it a quick one.

Well, why you got to take a shower right now?

Because I'm funky.

And that's what funky people do.

Okay, well, tell me.

Are you work funky or cheating on me funky?

What? Tell me the truth, Darnell.

You cheating on me?

Maya.

Oh, I know.

Are you on your period?

No, I'm still on my question.

Are you cheating on me?

Joan was at the airport this morning and said she saw you with some woman.

Well, if she would have been there all day, she would have seen me with plenty

of women.

Wait, that didn't come out right.

You know what?

I've been working all day, and I'm tired, and I really, really don't need

Oh, really? Who was he, Darnell?

Cecily.

Cecily? Okay, but Joan was saying that you two were acting all guilty.

Oh, so that's it? Your girl fills your head with some silly idea, and you

believe her and not me? Why don't you just admit it, Darnell? Admit what?

After everything we've been through together, have I ever, ever given you a

reason to doubt me, Maya?

No, but I... There's no buts.

You've already convinced yourself that I can't be trusted.

So you believe what you want.

Where are you going?

Sleep on the sofa until I cool off.

Or you come to your senses.

Joe, I've been thinking about that Danielle story you concocted.

And it suddenly hits me.

You're Danielle.

What? It makes perfect sense.

You know, you've harbored a secret longing for me since the day you laid

my stylishly retro medium -sized afro.

You've been afraid to act on these feelings.

And so you've invented Danielle.

Your alter ego.

A woman unafraid to give herself over to her emotions and to her man.

Damn you, William.

I can no longer maintain the charade.

I am Danielle.

Take me.

Take me now.

Yeah, well, I would, but you cheated on me, you callous tart.

Hey. Joan, I'm here. I'm here. Sorry I'm late. I just, I didn't get any sleep

last night. What happened?

I confronted Darnell.

You confronted him? Mm -hmm. But I thought you didn't believe me. I didn't,

I had a long ride home on the one hand.

He worked late, I wore my sexy lingerie, and, girl, I just... I messed up.

You messed up?

He's the one that was eating the strawberry? No, he didn't cheat on me.

made all these wild accusations, and now he thinks I don't trust him? You know,

I've never seen him so angry.

Girl, let's pray.

Let's pray that he doesn't leave me.

So he was able to explain the strawberry and everything? We didn't even get to

that part. He was just so upset I'd even accuse him.

He's the one who cheated and now he's making her feel like the guilty one?

He flipped the script on her. Oh, God.

I've done my part. Now you do the rest. Oh, and God. Hey, Joan. While I have

you. Joan!

Huh?

Huh? Oh, where were you?

Praying, Maya.

Just praying.

Oh.

You're such a good friend.

Okay, so listen, Joan.

Tomorrow I moved your 2 o 'clock to 3, your 3 o 'clock to 5, and your 5 o

to 10. Why?

Because during that hour when I misplaced your day plan, I panicked.

Come in.

Hey, you ready to go? Yeah. Let's get my things right back.

Uh, Joan, can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

Look, um, not that I owe you anything, but I love my wife, and I've got nothing

to hide.

So whatever you think you saw, you didn't. Hey, baby, we've got to get to

One minute.

Cecily is a flight attendant and a friend of mine. We started working for

airline at the same time.

She's cool people, and sometimes we have lunch together.

And that's it.

Okay. You don't need to explain yourself to me. I'm sorry I said anything.

I'm just a girl who thought she was looking out for her girl. Yeah, well,

is my woman, and I'm looking out for her. So don't you worry about it.

Of course.

Because you didn't do anything. I mean, I'd just come off of a long flight, and

it could have been the food or the baby crying next to me or the John Travolta

movie. I mean, maybe that gut feeling I had was just some...

Lingering air sickness or, you know, whatever it was. I'm sorry I said

I was shutting up.

Okay, so this is over.

You ready to go home?

Yeah. I'll be downstairs in a minute. I just have to finish up a few things with

John. Okay.

Wow.

Darnell must really hate me now, huh?

Mm -hmm.

Probably. But the important thing is, everything is fine between you guys.

Uh -uh.

I don't believe him.

Wait a minute.

Maya, what are you talking about? I'm the one who didn't believe him, but now

do, so everything should be fine, right?

What is that, your gut again?

Well, yeah.

Let's say that's the problem.

You have a single woman's gut. I have a married woman's gut.

Darnell is a simple guy, Jonah. He's never felt the need to explain himself

before. And the fact that he felt compelled to come in here and state his

makes me think he's feeling guilty about something.

Now, I don't know what happened. I don't know how far it went. But I'll tell you

one thing.

It's not going any further.

You've got to learn to keep your mouth shut.

to bring together all of the diverse elements of Los Angeles.

Now, if I may, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge this beautiful woman by

my side.

We've only been dating a short time, but already she's had quite an impact on me

and how I view the city that I love, Los Angeles.

She's the embodiment of what this city is all about, diversity.

She's dating a white man, me.

And I've just recently discovered that her hair is a weave.

Her own African -American hair is enhanced with strands of Korean hair.

Her hair is a metaphor for what this city can become.

Opposing cultures, supporting each other.

weaving together to create something beautiful.

Miss! Miss!

Yeah, you with the weave.

What's your name? We didn't catch your name.

My name?

My... Joan!