All language subtitles for Girlfriends s01e06 The Remains of the Date

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Hello?

Security, this is Joan Clayton. I'm on
the 27th floor. I'm alone, and I just

heard something, and then all the hall
lights went out.

Hello?

Hello?

The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the
Lord my soul to keep.

Threaten to make him pay rent. Always
scares me.

Not enough to pay rent.

Observe, I am paralyzed with fear.

Otherwise, I would reach for my money.

Joan, you've got to get into the mind of
the black man. It takes more than Jim

and I praying to scare them.

All right, fine.

Hey, hey, David.

What scares a black man?

Bush.

Janie.

The Halloween party is this weekend, and
I need to come up with something,

something brilliant, something
foolproof.

Something painful.

I just got another compliment on my
copter.

I'm so glad I spent this extra five
bucks on the corsage.

Oh, it's about time that I put my
master's degree until I called you to

Yeah, well, you also got a master's in
African -American history, and the funny

thing is, you've never gotten a job from
either of them.

Joan, there is no job that could pay off
ten years of student loans. Oh.

pajama party.

Joan, I'm Black Man.

Society's most underappreciated
superhero.

Besides, Black Man doesn't sleep in
pajamas.

He sleeps in the buff.

All right, William, you've got to stop
scaring me.

pulled over by the cops.

For what?

DWB. Driving while black.

Oh, my. You're not suggesting you were
victims of racial profiling, are you?

William, I'm not suggesting. I'm
testifying.

You know, we're never going to move
ahead as a people until we get past this

late 80s Al Sharpton victim mentality.

Well, thank you, Super Tom.

But if those cops weren't racist,
explain why they called Majabari a

Maybe because he's dressed like a ghost.

No, I'm not. I'm a napkin.

That's right, baby.

I knew people weren't going to get it
without the knife in the fork.

Hey, Jabari, come give me a hug.

Baby, explain to them how we got stopped
just minding our own business, just

cranking the Harry Potter book on tape.

Baby, don't make a big deal out of it,
okay?

I'm so used to getting pulled over, I've
learned to drive with my hands behind

my head.

You don't mean to be talking about all
this in front of Jabari?

They said I'm dumb.

The man's out to get us.

You know, he's getting more like his
daddy every day.

It should make some little girl in
second grade very happy.

Well,

I guess I'm gonna go and hit the hors d
'oeuvre table.

Although I'm sticking to the crudités.

These tights show every little bulge.

So, uh, Darnell, what are you dressed
as?

I'm an airline baggage supervisor.

But isn't that what you do?

No, I'm an airline baggage handler.

Ah.

Hey,

Tommy, Eric.

Happy Halloween.

Great costume.

Oh, thanks. I'll either grab this out of
the closet or go buy something.

Oh, well, it's very sexy in a
sacrilegious sort of way.

Not as sexy as the one she's going to
wear later.

I told you I would think about it.

to wear? A dental floss?

It's not what he wants me to wear. It's
what he wants me to do.

He wants a threesome.

I am going to give you the same answer
that I gave Lynn. No.

Girl, this is not about you.

The toit and the menage is a stuffed
animal.

What? I don't know. Apparently he gets
turned on by rubbing on soft plushy

things.

ever asked you to do something like that
before? No, never.

It's insane.

That's what I think.

Why does he need stuffed animals when
he's got me?

Aren't these plushy enough?

These put babies to sleep.

Good. Then you're not going to go
through with it. Oh, I don't know. He is

stockbroker with a yacht.

There is definitely a plus column and a
minus column here, Joan.

That is it. You need... an intervention.

So, Laurie the harem girl. Yes.

Can I offer you a stick -a -ma -hick -a
-ma?

Thanks, Superman.

No, actually, I'm Black Man.

He's a little -known character from the
early 60s. I have all nine issues in

mint condition.

And I'm losing any chance I may have had
here, aren't I?

Pretty much.

But the way you fill out those types is
bringing me back.

Really?

Guess those extra squats have been
paying off.

The freak wants her to get frisky with a
stuffed animal.

So Eric's a plushie.

I mean, it has a name.

Are the people actually doing this?

Yeah. Plush love.

It's the newest fetish on the block.

They have a website. They're lobbying
for discounts of Toys R Us.

Okay, you know what? This is just wrong.

I agree. Why should they get discounts?

What, if more people?

Release their stress through fetishes,
there'd be a lot less violence in the

world. What about S &M? Isn't that
violent?

Not when I do it.

Okay.

Do I need to define intervention?

You're trying to discourage Tony here,
not give her new ideas.

Okay, Joan, I know what you're up to.

You've convinced that Lori girl to
seduce me as part of your revenge.

Okay, first of all, I don't even know
Lori.

And second of all, how is getting an
attractive woman to seduce you revenge?

I don't know.

She could be frigid. She could be
psychotic.

Heck, Joan, that woman could be a
Democrat.

Right, William. Why don't you just go
focus your energy on the many other

trying to seduce you?

Good point. Mm -hmm.

Hello, Davis.

Nice teeth.

And hey, uh, don't bend over in that
thing or everybody might see Jurassic.

As long as they don't see my woolly
mammoth.

Anyway, so are the tortilla chips in the
bag?

What? Is the mother bird in the nest?

What? William, did he take the bait?

Oh, yes.

The fire burns bright at midnight. What?

I don't know. You started it.

Yes or no, Joan? I don't know. I'm
confused. There's so much going on at

party.

Hey. I want you to meet my date, Miss
South County.

Hi, Joan Clayton. No, Debbie Ray Parker.

I'm currently a senior majoring in
communications and poultry and help from

Rancho Cucamonga, California.

That's Spanish for Ranch of the
Cucamongas.

Oh, that's a great pageant bid, Debbie.

Oh, that's no bid, Joan. She is Miss
South County.

They don't know.

Does she know?

Well, thank you for bringing me home
early.

Gotta get back in the bottle before
Major Nelson gets upset.

I had a really nice time tonight, Laura.

Me too.

Have lunch with me tomorrow.

But don't you have to...

Fight injustice and save the planet
tomorrow?

In the morning.

But I have to have this costume back by
noon. And after that, I am all yours.

Better get inside.

I've got to tell my mother I've got a
date with a superhero.

I've got to tell my mom I have a date.

Tony, I can't believe you're still
considering it.

Joan, listen.

Don't judge me, okay?

I'm going to do it.

The thing is, I don't know where his
bear has been.

Can I borrow yours?

Okay, Tony.

We've shared a lot of things, but this
is where I draw the line.

You are not going to be spooning with
Mr.

Snuffles.

Where am I going to find an all -night
toy store?

Oh, oh, Davis, Davis.

parts store in West Cabina. I'm so sorry
I can't be there.

You cut that ribbon for all of us.

Bye -bye.

Thank you for having us, Joan.

So is everything going according to
plan?

No. I'm 29 and I'm not even married.

I mean, Mr. Snuffles has a better chance
of getting some than I do.

But then again, he's probably just
talking about William.

Yes. He left here a while ago with Lori.

Good, good.

My part is all set up and ready to go.

So from here on out, you're on your own.

I'd love to stay on it with you, but you
know she is, Miss South County.

You might want to remind her of that,
because when she looks in the mirror,

know her little sash is going to be
backwards.

Dent, I just dropped Lori off, and she
forgot to give me my cape back.

What are you talking about?

Lori passed away five years ago.

Passed away?

Well, that's not possible. I just
dropped her off a few minutes ago. You

mother could say such a thing about her
own daughter?

You don't believe me? See for yourself.

She's a turd at Birkin's Mausoleum.
Okay, very funny, but could you please

your dead daughter I need my cape back?

What kind of deranged person plays a
joke like this on an old woman?

Well, what kind of old woman plays a
joke like this on a horny superhero?

All right, John.

Nobody gives blue balls to black men and
gets away with it.

Uh -huh.

Okay.

Thank you for all your help.

Bye. Okay, so William's on his way to
the mausoleum. I gotta get over there

the fireworks. Lynn, can you keep the
party going for me?

Yeah, sure.

Leave. Why should you stay? No one else
ever has.

I'm working through my abandonment
issues.

Okay, I'm coming with you.

Darn it!

Oh, Maya, Maya, Maya.

Everything is finally falling into
place.

I mean, my party's a success, all my
plush things are hidden away, and

is exactly where I want him. I don't
want to change my plan now.

Okay, come on, let's go. If William's
suspicious, I can help convince him.

Joan, I took acting in high school.

don't want anything to get in the way. I
mean, I've worked everything out to the

smallest detail.

What the hell is he doing here?

William's not following my plan. What
kind of a plan is a plan if he's not

following my plan?

Okay, Joan, fun is fun, but I need my
cape back or else I'm out my $35

So get Lori on the phone and tell her
the jig is up.

Jig? First of all, I am not sure that
I'm comfortable with black people saying

the word jig.

And second of all, I don't know what jig
you're talking about.

I know you're trying to scare me with
this lame prank, but it's late.

I've just lost a date.

These tights are riding up on me.

William, why on earth would you ever
think Joan would be up to something so

sinister?

I wish I had an Oscar right now so I
could beat her over the head with it.

Joan, if I have to go to that mausoleum
to get my cape back, you're coming with

me. You are playing a fool.

since I don't have an Oscar.

If you think you can trick me into going
to a mausoleum at night on Halloween

just so that you can scare me, you are
out of your mind. Oh, very good.

The old double reverse psychology bluff
calling thingy.

Well, we are all going, so come on.

Um, John, John.

When we get there, just let me do all of
the talking, okay? He's not buying your

performance at all.

Haven't we seen these already?

I'm scared.

You win. I want to go home.

Well, look.

It's my cape hanging from a crypt.

And I wonder whose crypt this could be.

Laurie McKelvey.

1972 to 1995.

for lunch tomorrow.

William, stop that. Have a little
respect for the dead.

Oh, and I wonder what's going to happen
next.

Could it be your, I don't know, Laurie
coming out of the shadows and scary

makeup?

Oh, my.

Oh, he's not buying it.

Well, then can I just get my check?
Because I'm cold.

All right, fine. William, I give up. You
win. I can't scare you.

Good. I think it's about time you
recognized my fearlessness.

Oh, Lori.

You're an actress.

Yes. I play the corpse on Law and Order.
I almost didn't take this gig because I

was afraid of being typecast.

You people mind telling me what you're
doing here?

Officer, look, look, we don't, we don't,
we don't, we don't run out of trouble.

We're just four innocent black people
just talking in the middle of the night

a mausoleum. In fact, we was just...

You know what? We were just leaving.
Leaving, Officer Friendly. Now, Joan,

quite good.

First you play out the bad plan. It
failed.

I let my guard down, then boom.

Enter the phony cop.

Well, you know what? I am tired. I'm
going home to sort out my candy.

Excuse me, boys.

You'll leave when I say you can leave.

Hey!

Dude,

I am not wearing a cup.

Joan, you want to...

isn't a joke.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, y 'all, leave him
alone. He didn't do nothing but be

Oh, my God.

He's a real handcuff.

Ow! Well, she's right. I didn't do
anything.

I can't believe I'm a victim of racial
profiling.

Does anybody else here think like that?
No. I don't.

Look,

officer, sir, I'm sure you're handling
this in accordance with the LAPD of...

Rampart division policy.

But I am a lawyer, and I want to be out
of his handcuffs right now.

I tell you what, we might let you off
under one condition.

Just name it. I'll do it. Anything.

Look that woman straight in the eye, and
you tell her, she got you.

That was a lot of fun. See you later,
John. Bye, guys.

You all come on. We got a 352 on
Crenshaw.

What's a 352?

That's the address of the new Krispy
Kreme.

Giving out free glaze till midnight.

Look, hey, is somebody going to let me
out of these handcuffs?

William?

Yvonne.

Oh, you remember my name.

But I guess you conveniently forgot my
phone number.

You know this guy?

Yeah. You remember that guy I met on the
Internet?

We went out on that one date at that
Saditi restaurant, and he ran out on me.

She really is crazy.

You told her I was crazy? I didn't say
you were crazy. I said I was crazy to

have lost your number.

See, now you're playing with my
emotions.

Hey, Bonnie, you need to be alone with
this guy or what? Just give me five

minutes. I need to release some stress.

Um, Joan?

Joan, you win!

You win, Joan! Help me!

Help Joan! I will never scare you again.

William, the police...

They were payback for this year, but
Yvonne, she's for last year. Trick or

treat, smell my feet, give me something
good to eat.

No!

No!

No!

Hey,

Tony.

What are you doing here? I thought you
went home with Flushie.

Joan, I want you to know I dumped Eric.

I decided I do not want any part of that
lifestyle.

I knew I didn't have to worry about you.

You see, you skirt on the edge, but you
never really go over, do you?

Oh, um, I do have a little confession,
though.

You talk with your snuffle? I think he's
okay.

But there was ten minutes that I went to
the bathroom and the bear didn't have a

chaperone.