Original subtitles

So, did you have a good time?

Good time?

It was just a shower.

No need to get defensive.

Everybody does it.

Does what?

Spend quality time with their shower massage.

That work?

Come on, Joan.

What do you think the pulsate setting is for?

I'll be right back.

I think I missed a spot.

Joan, Maya, you gotta help me.

My date's gonna be here any minute. I had garlic chicken for lunch and I'm

of concerned about my breath. Can I breathe on you?

Let me think about that. No.

Maya, how about you? You breathe on me, it'll be your last breath.

Please. You know, my mama lets me breathe on her all the time.

Hey, darling.

It's a zoo in here. Yeah, a petting zoo.

Full of college seniors and junior execs.

You guys, I came to the status realization today.

I haven't had sex in a year. Ooh.

Damn, girl, you sure you're still open for business? I mean, you know what

happens when you don't wear earrings.

Maria. What?

Don't make it sound worse than it already is.

Joni, you took four showers last night. It doesn't get any worse than that.

You know that I don't have sex with anyone unless I have been in a

for at least three months.

Look, girl, that rule was cute in high school.

But we're not doing it in the backseat of cars anymore.

We're doing it to get cars.

Oh, Tony, Tony. In the words of the seven dwarves, ha -ho, ha -ho.

Words to live by from the teenage mother.

No, uh -uh, uh -uh, okay. Sex is freedom. I mean, it's the ultimate

manifestation of our humanity. And it's a beautiful connection between two

people. Pretty mind -blowing between four.

an ex -boyfriend.

Do you know how desperate that would make me look?

Something like this, I imagine.

And how are you ladies doing this evening?

It is about time you came over and said hello, Davis. You've been making every

lady in this room. I thought we were your favorites.

Tony, please, I do not make enough money for you.

So don't even pretend you're jealous.

Oh, but she is. Hi, I'm Aya.

Do you have a suggestion box up in this establishment?

Why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? I'd much rather speak to the

owner. Oh, you're looking at him.

Oh, good for you. You know, hi to the people, my brother.

Now lower your damn prices.

That is why I came up with Happy Hour. Well, it ain't very happy up in here

is it? Keep lowering them until you see a smile on my face.

And how about you, Lynn?

Any complaints?

Well, no, that depends.

Are you still exploiting those illegal aliens in the kitchen?

You're awfully quiet tonight, Joan.

I said hi.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You sure?

Yeah. Why?

Don't I look fine?

Well, you always look fine.

Okay, now I am jealous.

Tony, all my money's tied up in this restaurant.

Well, then could you move along?

because you're blocking everyone's view of me.

I'm just waiting on a smile from Miss Joan here.

There it is.

You ladies enjoy your evening.

Ooh, and how are you ladies doing this evening?

No wonder you haven't had sex in over a year. You can't tell when a man is

flirting with you.

Oh, Davis is a tease.

It's part of the dance when a woman does it. It's just ugly in a man.

Okay, if it's not an ex, and not financially challenge Davis, who's it

be? Huh?

Spin the wheel, girl. I don't have all night.

How about a one -night stand?

I mean, anonymous sex is right up there with... Prostitution.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am not going to lay down underneath them,

I don't even know.

There's always on top.

One of those Vietnamese swings?

me to have a one -night stand?

Joan, do you really want to be sitting here a year from now having the same

conversation? Okay, would you guys lay off Joan?

All right? I mean, she wants sex to be meaningful.

And as a married woman, I can appreciate that, you know?

However, if you must get your freak on, use Ebony Sleek condoms.

They come in four shades of black.

You still use condoms? Oh, yeah. I'm most nice to Mia Darnell, play Power

Forward, and the Laker girl.

Got to keep it fresh.

Okay, wait. The day I go for it, and I break my rule, and his performance, you

know, falls a little short.

What are you worried about?

You know brothers are packing.

Please, don't tell me you're going to buy into the myth of the black male

Built a religion around it.

Okay, I'll give you this much. If a brother's holding himself, General Lee's

packing. Girl, you ain't never lie, because Darnell is always on in his.

It's been argued that the black man holds himself because he feels it gives

a sense of power.

No, I'm just a brother trying to keep his balance.

I gave up smoking. I have to do something with my hands.

You had a pocket full of gold.

You'd touch it once in a while, too.

So, are you gonna get you some or what?

Mm -mm.

It's just not my style.

Ooh, but that Armani suit is my style.

Things are looking tough on my purse.

Could you hold my backpack?

I gotta go bum more drinks, because I'm still capable of deductive reasoning,

and it's gotta be stopped.

You know which home?

Call my purse, too. I think I'm going to call my husband. See if he wants to

come down here and play strangers at the bar.

Thank you.

That would be so sweet.

I'll take two Long Island iced teas, six lemons and an equal. Thank you.

I lost that Armani to some 18 -year -old with a fake ID. I'll be damned if I

lose a Hugo Boss to some married woman.

Tony, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, good.

She did tell you she's married.

I'm married, and I did.

Ooh, I'm going to tell your husband. Ooh, he's not going to care because I

this second drink for him, okay?

My work here is done.

On purse watch, huh?

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

I thought you had a date.

Yeah, well, I thought I did, too.

What's wrong with us?

I mean, here I am holding my girls' purses while they have fun and you're

getting stood up.

William, you're pathetic.

Joan, don't ever be a suicide counselor.

No, really.

What is wrong with me?

Why can't I be more like my girls and just pick up a man and have my way with

him? Because, like me, Joan, you're looking for something deeper.

Something with a future.

Yeah.

Then again, we are humans.

Physical needs.

Oh, yeah.

How about a sex pact?

If you don't have anybody in six months, and I'm not seriously involved, then

I'll do you.

What are you doing?

Seeing what I look like at my lowest.

one night of unbridled passion?

Sweaty?

Relentless? Animalistic?

Hell, Joan, if you're any good, I'll pencil you in twice a week.

That's it.

I'm gonna do it.

Sweet. I knew you couldn't resist me.

William, I have two words for you.

Escort serveth.

Who do you think stood me up?

Hi, I'm William Dent. Honey, I don't want you. I want your table.

And the chase is on.

Maya, you've got a man.

You hold the damn purses.

Where are you going?

To knock some boots.

Joan,

you need something?

Yes, you, to take me home.

Okay, Joan, that was so smooth.

You haven't lost your touch. He finds you irresistible.

Can't you get one of your friends to take you home? I'm kind of running a

restaurant here.

They want to stay, and I've been drinking way too much. And in

The proprietor of a drinking establishment is legally responsible

inebriated patron leave said establishment and careen into a tree.

Okay, I'll call you a cab.

I'm in no condition to get into a cab.

Okay, I'll take you home, all right? Okay.

Okay, Joan, it would really help if you moved your feet. Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

Thank you so much for seeing me safely home and walking me to the door. My

steps are a little tricky.

There's only one step.

That's what makes them a little tricky. I keep thinking there's going to be

more.

That's a nice place.

Thank you.

Still renovating. It's a craftsman.

Built in 1913. That's the year my grandmother was born. I love my

Do you want to sleep with me, no strings attached?

Joan, I'm engaged.

Oh.

How nice for you.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Okay, now she's a cow. How'd she get a drink?

Well, let's face it, Tony. You're not the youngest woman in the bar anymore.

Don't say that.

Hey, take these Darnells out there blowing the horn.

That'll give the place class.

Bounce.

Where's Joan?

Oh, she didn't tell you? She went to go get her son.

Our Joan.

Five -seven, curly hair, three -month rule, Joan.

Oh, my God. I can't believe she listened to us.

Worrying now, huh? Now that you two done booked her a suite in the Hoochie

Hotel.

Oh, shut up.

You're the one who plays those kinky sex games.

With my husband, Tony, which is something you will never have, spreading

yourself so thin like you do.

Will you take me home?

I gotta pee, you know, and I wanna squat.

Fine. This place is dry.

Excuse me.

I've had my own all night.

May I buy you a drink?

Men's Warehouse.

Well,

okay.

Oh,

you can't drink, remember? I mean, you're on heavy antibiotics.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you sick? No, no, no. She's getting much better. Did you finish notifying

all your sexual partners?

Now my work here is done.

Woo -hoo.

Good as new.

And your suit?

It's still in critical condition.

Davis, I am really sorry.

How many levels? Don't even worry about it.

Don't you worry, I will.

Wait a minute.

That's not helping, yeah.

Davis?

Damn, Davis, I didn't know your restaurant delivered.

Well, see, I... Let me get out of here before you tell them all about it, okay?

Okay. So I'll see you around.

Thank you for taking care of me.

Anytime.

Good night, ladies.

Bye.

Welcome to the wild side. Oh, look, look, she's

glowing me. Put it on you. Enough, enough, enough.

Okay, time to share details.

How was it?

from up checking happy hour.

Incredible.

Joan,

you know that sex pact I mentioned the other night?

I was kidding.

I'm a kidder.

I figure we have that kind of relationship, you know, where I can kid

Yeah, yeah, we do.

Just stop apologizing. I'm over it.

Hey, Joan.

Did you hear that Davis and his fiancée broke up?

No. Why?

Well, allegedly, he was having an affair with some homewrecker.

David?

God, who is she?

Oh, Joan.

Coy does not become you.

What are you talking about?

J 'cuse, Joan, j 'cuse. I know it's you.

Half of Los Angeles knows it was you.

This isn't one of your kidding moments, is it? No, it is one of my gossiping

moments.

They always return to the scene of the crime.

Maya, I'll be back in a half hour.

What's wrong with you?

No, it's what's wrong with you.

Girl, you broke up that man's engagement. No, I didn't. You were the

the one night stand.

sleep with him. That is not what Lynn said. She said his pants were down to

knees when they walked in the door and that you, Joan, were so naked they'd

to run to your room for your robe.

Explain that.

I really messed up, Maya.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. No, I didn't sleep with him.

I lied.

You lied about having sex?

Oh, girl, you're just like a dude.

I wanted you guys to be proud of me.

Okay, Joan, this ain't no after -school special.

David?

I'm really sorry.

I feel so bad about breaking up your engagement, and I am prepared to do

whatever it takes to make this whole thing right.

Get out of my restaurant.

Okay?

I'm prepared to do that.

I have been cleaning, I have been praying, and I have been soul

I finally figured it out. This whole engagement breakup thing is your fault.

How in the hell is it our fault? We didn't know he was engaged.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you should have.

You know everybody else's business.

Yeah, we do. Lynn, how did we miss that one?

Damn, I guess we really are getting old.

You guys, you made me lie.

You made me feel low because I have high moral standards.

I am an innocent victim of your peer pressure.

But Joan, you started the lie.

The starter is not nearly as guilty as the spreader. Everyone knows that.

Joan, suck it up. When you have a one -night stand, sometimes there are

consequences. But I didn't have a one -night stand!

Maybe next time you'll be more careful.

David, don't throw me out. Hear me out, and then you can throw me out.

Now, I've prepared an affidavit for your fiancé that contains incontrovertible

evidence of your innocence.

Exhibit A, dry cleaning bill.

Exhibit B, this is a swatch from my stained suit. Exhibit C, this is a sworn

statement from my gynecologist. Oh, Joan, please stop.

No, no, no, no, no. Just show her all of this. And you know what? Here, you know

what? Give her these. Give her my earrings.

She should come around.

Actually, I'm not sure I want her to.

What? Of course you do.

Look, Joan, she and I have had trust issues from the start.

When I told her nothing happened, she should have believed me.

So it's starting to sink in that maybe we shouldn't be together.

So, what are you saying?

You're glad this happened?

Oh, my mother most certainly is.

So, in some weird, twisted way, maybe fate used me to do you a favor?

Maybe.

So, um,

Does this mean you forgive me?

Well, that all depends on what you told your friends about me.

I told them you were good.

Just good.

Well, maybe I'll have a chance to improve on my grade.

You want to have dinner tonight?

way here that if he got me out of this one that I would stick to my rule.

And what's that?

That I need to be in a sincere relationship for at least three months.

Okay, um, I'm not really ready to jump back into another relationship.

Yeah, well.

Then, uh, I guess this is good night.

Good night.

You didn't see that.

Hey, John.

What you got in the box there?

It's my new shower massager.

the car and get the attachments.