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Oh, excuse me.

- Fuck you. - Language.

This is a family bar.

- Lia. - Yeah.

I need you to translate something for me

'cause I don't speak girl.

What is it?

I'm trying to ask this girl out,

but I don't know if she's single.

So I texted her, "Are you seeing anybody?"

And she says it's complicated. What does that mean?

It means she's seeing somebody casually.

She wants to commit, but he doesn't.

Hey Kali, I'm ready to settle up.

Alright, I'll meet you down there.

I've never seen you with glasses on.

Yeah, it's just for up close.

Let me see.

Yeah, you got that naughty librarian look going on.

We're not gonna talk about your browser history, Joe.

Okay, let's not. All right.

Okay. You're all square.

- Have a good night. - You too.

I'll see you later.

Okay, see you next time.

Are you serious? I thought you weren't hungry.

I'm not hungry. I'm snacky.

If you were hungry, I would've bought you something.

What's wrong?

This dickhole left his tab open again.

Ah.

Is dickhole one word or two?

One.

Holy shit.

Look at this. Blue hair.

No, that's a bad sign.

Cat.

How many cats do you count in that picture?

I count two pictures of cats with three real cats,

Right.

That's that's, thats what I'm I, I...

I don't even know.

I see bulges where there shouldn't be bulges.

This one's got so much hardware on her face,

looks like she fell asleep in a tackle box.

She could not get around any fucking magnets, dude.

It would rip her shit out.

No.

Hey Jocelyn, is it fixed?

We have beer.

Hey Eric, we need to talk.

I feel like I'm being attacked here. What's going on?

So, it's Wiener Wednesday, it's ladies night,

and it's also hump day.

Don't you think we're sending a mixed message here?

I think it's a great message.

The wieners aren't selling.

Sorry, but nobody wants your wiener.

You gotta pick one to get rid of.

Alright, we'll get rid of Wiener Wednesday.

I'm the captain here. I'll right the ship.

Hold on. This was my idea.

Look at me. Look at me.

I'm the captain now.

Get back to work.

♪ Town that I know ♪

♪ No way to leave ♪

♪ Nowhere to go ♪

♪ Stuck in a rut ♪

♪ Of vice and woe ♪

♪ Study my steps, go with the flow ♪

Hey, leaving already?

Yeah, I gotta, I gotta get some stuff done.

Oh, does one of those things involve

giving that guy back his phone?

Make sure you take this with you next time.

Thinking of a number between one and 100.

Can you guess what that number is?

86?

Hey, you're not as dumb as you look. Let's go.

Wow, I can't believe that happened.

Damn, where'd you learn how to do that?

Well, when the girls came in,

my dad said I was gonna need to learn how to fight, so.

- Badass. - Thank you.

- Dude. - Right?

- Good job. - Thank you.

That was pretty awesome, right?

Right?

- Oh. - Ow!

- Nipple ring, bitch. - Forgot you just got that.

- It's all good. - Sorry.

What are you looking at?

Hey, how's it going?

Not too bad. How you doing?

I'm doing pretty good.

Isn't that the same shirt you destroyed with motor oil?

Oh no. That one's gone.

I already tossed it.

I actually found the exact same shirt over there

at the Goodwill for like $5.

So it works out. It smells kind of funky, but it works.

You didn't wash it before you put it on?

Well, no.

Don't they wash it like while it's there,

before they put it on the racks?

No?

- No. - That, that's kinda bad.

Now I feel like retroactively dirty, but...

I'm sorry, dude.

I dunno why it's not working.

Uh oh. It's Skynet.

What?

The machines are becoming self-aware. Skynet?

No.

I'll be back. Terminator, come on.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh my gosh.

We'll go and get you at the other one.

Alright.

Hey.

Hey. Do you need me?

- No, you're good. - Okay.

I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day.

Keep eating. I just need some straws.

Kali. Kali.

Hey, daydreaming again, aren't we?

No.

Yes.

I just saw Kali fantasizing about one of our customers.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

I do that too.

- Mine are a little different. - Waitress. Another beer.

Snap at me again, motherfucker. Snap again.

Oh, wow.

Like I said, mine are a little different.

I'm taking off. Do you need anything?

Okay.

It's good to see you. You have a good night.

You too.

I'm taking off.

- Alright. - Have a good night.

You too.

Good game.

Dang.

Ladd, we're closing up. It's time to go.

Already?

Where'd my friends go?

They went home.

That makes sense.

I need to get home.

Yep.

Can you give me a ride please? It's on your way.

Okay. Go to the bathroom.

Leave me back here in five minutes and I'll take you home.

Yes. Yes.

Wonderful.

Do you think maybe, possibly we could like maybe go burger?

Yeah, we can burger.

Yeah.

Here you go.

Thanks. Have a good night.

Damn, Mr. T. That is a big ass burger.

I haven't eaten anything all day.

You better be careful.

You're gonna end up with a gut like me.

Nah, I'll never get that fat.

- Oh, oh. - Oh.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry I'm late.

Your my had to take Ladd for a burger.

My patience is almost gone.

Well, thanks for not starting without me.

I'm gonna press play.

Wait, wait, I gotta get changed.

How many episodes do we have left?

Next week is the season finale.

- Already? - Yep.

And this is the episode

where they consummate their relationship.

Wow. You just overly romanticized them having sex.

But they deserve it.

Yeah, they do.

- There he is. - Oh. Yup.

Oh. And there goes the shirt and the pants.

That's a penis.

I did not think they would show that full on.

Did you see that grandfather clock swinging?

Oh, my god.

Hey, don't hit me with your arm dick. Stop.

Stop.

We're announcing new guidelines for every American

to follow over the next 15 days.

Our 15 days to stop the spread initiative.

We're gonna close the bars,

we're gonna close the restaurants,

Bars, and restaurants will be closed

to the public starting at the close of business tomorrow.

The two-week freeze includes limiting restaurants

to takeout only.

Advise no gatherings of more than 10 people

for the next 15 days,

As well as venues that host either indoor

or outdoor events.

Girls, I got some bad news.

What is it?

Due to this coronavirus that's going around,

they're shutting the entire country down.

They wanna shut us down for 15 days.

What the hell? What are we supposed to do?

I don't know right now. Can't even do dine-in at all.

All we can do is take out deliveries.

Where does that leave us?

You have two weeks off. You can enjoy it.

Do some side jobs.

If you can file for unemployment if you want.

Believe me, this is the last thing I want.

I mean, I can't afford to lose you guys.

You guys can hang in there?

I guess. I mean, it's just 15 days, right?

That's awesome. I mean, it is just 15 days.

I mean, hopefully it's just a bump in the road.

So two weeks off.

Two whole weeks.

What to do?

- How are you doing that? - Doing what?

Finding me so quickly and killing me.

I just figure where you'd be.

I go there and I shoot your ass.

Okay. You're spawn killing me.

No, I'm not.

You just don't know the map good enough.

I know the map perfectly fine.

You're just always right on my ass.

Boom. Got you, bitch.

How are you doing that?

I'm just that good.

Ooh, the pizza is here.

Shit. I just deleted Jocelyn's number off my phone.

You don't remember it?

No. I have a smart phone to remember things for me.

It's 555-420-6969. Come on.

Oh yeah.

You ready for that downward dog?

Yep.

All right.

Oh my back. Oh.

How bad is this one? Medium bad.

Okay.

Okay. I'm up.

Okay.

Uh huh.

Good?

I think I'm done for the day. Okay.

Ow! You hit me in the eye, like my actual eyeball.

What the fuck?

I am not kidding. His dick was as long as a CVS receipt.

You know, I'm friends with his sister Gisella.

Gisella?

Yeah.

Do her friends call her Gis for short?

Oh my God. You do not wanna let her catch you saying that.

Why?

Because then you'll have Gis all up in your face.

No, I don't want Gis on my face.

Isn't it kind of weird being home all the time?

- I kinda like it. - Really?

Yeah. Like I don't have to wear a bra,

can finally let them breathe.

Like, look, I don't have that red line under them anymore.

Dude. Put your boobs away.

You are so drunk.

I'm not that drunk.

Yeah, you are. You're like lesbian drunk.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

If I were to let you kiss me,

you would like it.

Hi, tequila. Can I talk to Lia now?

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

Get it all out.

Thank you for taking care of me.

Of course.

I'm sorry if I was lesbian with you.

It's fine. No apologies needed.

Wouldn't have happened if you were ugly.

Die, you filthy whore!

Wait. What?

- Just go with it. - Okay.

Ah!

Ah!

For the act of incest, I will remove your sinful womb.

Dude. Gross.

Sorry. You're dead.

Ow. That's my nipple ring, bitch.

Ow, my ass. That hurts.

Good. You deserved it.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

Hey, puff me.

What are you doing?

I'm giving you war paint.

It's the season finale and we must be prepared.

Who's drunk now?

Me.

Run, bitch. Run!

Torin!

Constance

Alive.

Behind you!

I can't believe they just did that.

They, they can't.

They can't kill him off.

He's a main character.

He was..

Hello?

- Yeah. We just finished. - We just watched it.

Yeah I can't believe they did this.

That's no way to end a season.

- I don't understand. - How could they kill him off?

- He's a main character. - His character had

- so much more to do. - And her, too?

- They didn't care. - Like, come on.

- What even was that? - They didn't wanna finish

his story and they just let him die.

People can't come back from death.

- What was that? - I don't,

it doesn't make sense.

Holy shit.

Hey, you want some breakfast?

- No. - Hey, more for me.

Hey Eric, what's going on?

Oh, it's un-fucking-believable.

The government extended the lockdown again

to all non-essential businesses, bars, restaurants,

fricking movie theaters.

We're all still shut down.

- So we can't open? - Not even close.

The OFCC, they're gonna fine me or they're gonna

shut me down if I try to stay open.

Shit. What are we gonna do?

Honestly, I don't know.

I, we're just taking it one day at a time right now

and just trying to make it through this.

So our industry, our livelihood is being overtly targeted

and we can't do anything about it?

This is fucking bullshit.

Pawn shops, big box stores, they get to stay open?

But what about the rest of us?

I don't know.

All I can say at this point is, please,

please tell me girls, you guys filed

for unemployment benefits.

How far in debt are we right now?

Well, we're two months behind rent.

The car is one missed payment from being repoed.

Add food and utilities and we need about five grand.

That's just to be caught up on everything.

We'll need more depending

on how soon we can get unemployment.

I've literally been calling all day

and they're busy every time.

It's like everyone's calling at the same time

trying to get benefits set up.

How is it that you just can't file

for unemployment online?

- Yeah. - So stupid.

Hey, I think I found something.

- A job? - Yeah.

The Census Bureau is hiring

during a pandemic?

Weird.

What kind of job is it?

Says here you go door to door and collect economic

and demographic information and submit the data.

That's it?

- Yeah. - Sounds easy.

What's the pay?

Oh shit. 20 bucks an hour.

How has this job not been taken yet?

I don't know, but we need to go right now and apply.

Yeah, let's go.

Well, this isn't going anywhere.

Well, now what?

We can always go ask Jocelyn if we can borrow her car.

- How far away is it? - Just a couple blocks.

Alright, guess we're walking.

Let's go.

- Weird. Her car is here. - Yeah.

Can you see anything?

Huh. Looks like there's something covering the glass.

Okay, let's go to the side door.

Yeah.

Aw, thank you for the tip, Mr. Pickle Tickle.

Thank you.

Who was that?

Dr. McHuge. Aw.

Thank you, Dr. McHuge.

You want me to do what? Again?

Okay, fine. But this is the last time.

Hey there.

BRB, boys. How did you get in here?

Well, we tried knocking, but you didn't answer,

so we went around the side door.

What is all of this

Girls gotta make a living somehow, right?

It started a few months ago and it wasn't that great,

but now that everyone's staying at home,

it's given my channel a chance to grow.

And I'm super popular now.

So, we kind of need to borrow your car

for a few days, if that's okay.

Of course.

I have been working remotely.

I haven't even had to use that for a few days.

That's the second dick I've seen recently.

Technically, that's a dildo.

There you go.

I was supposed to take it into the dealership

for some factory recall or something like that.

So, but whatever, as long as you bring it back

with a full tank of gas, it's totally fine with me.

- Okay, thanks. - Yeah, no problem.

I missed you guys.

We missed you too.

I'd give you a hug,

but you're a little erect at the moment.

Oh, yeah. I'll just tuck that.

Thanks again, girl. We love you.

No problem. I love you too.

Thanks again.

Okay. It looks like everything's in order.

So, paperwork is filled out and signed.

Okay. We just need to issue you a route.

So first, let me give you your lanyards.

You'll wear these.

So, we don't have a lot of available routes

in desired locations.

However, I do have one on South Columbus Street, Dakota,

Manzanita, and Diamond Street.

I don't know how comfortable I feel

working in those areas.

Yeah. Are you sure you don't have any other routes?

I don't.

However, because of the current unprecedented times,

the state is actually offering pay incentives,

which makes this $25 an hour.

We'll take it.

Hi there. Good afternoon.

My name's Lia. This is Kali.

We're with the Census Bureau.

Can we ask you a few questions?

Sure.

Okay. What's your age and employment status?

- I'm 57 and retired. - Okay.

Any relatives or a spouse living with you?

No. My kids are grown and my husband's dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Don't be. He was such an asshole.

Treated me like shit,

so one night I just decided to poison his TV dinner.

Still to this day, nobody knows.

You guys can keep a secret, right?

I'm just kidding. Holy, you guys.

Oh, you girls look like you're gonna shit your pants.

Okay, so one last question.

How long have you lived here?

32 years. Long enough to see it go to shit.

Well, that, that's all of our questions.

We, we appreciate your time.

- Hey, you guys want a cookie? - No, thank you.

- What do you want? - Hi, I'm Kali.

This is Lia, and we're with the Census Bureau.

We just wanted to ask a few questions.

- What kind of questions? - Well, first,

how many family members live here?

What's going on, brother?

These two girls came around and started asking questions

about our family and shit.

We're with the Census Bureau. We just collect data.

Who told you to collect data on our family?

It's just from some list we were given.

Who gave you the list, ICE? INS?

No, no.

I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

The data that we collect is for the city.

They give it to lawmakers for policies and stuff.

Like immigration?

No, no. I, I mean, at least I don't think so.

It's just whatever information you wanna give us.

Look, we don't care about your status

and we don't have to even ask any more questions.

- Yeah. - So we're just gonna go.

No, you're not going nowhere.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Stop.

Stop, no. What are you doing?

Put the knife away and you gimme the pistola.

What's the matter with you guys, you mentals.

Apologize right now.

Orita, Miguel, this is why you're single.

Andele Miguel, apologize.

I'm sorry for my actions. Please forgive me.

You too, dumbass. Andele.

I apologize. Can you forgive me?

Apology accepted.

I am so sorry. Bless you girls.

They really, really are good boys, okay?

You guys, they're just a little bit scared right now

with everything and a little edgy.

Okay? So you girls go have a good day and everything, okay?

Oh, by the way, they are single.

I have a boyfriend.

So pretty, so pretty girls. Oh my goodness.

Okay, you go have a very nice day. God bless you.

Okay, goodbye. God bless you.

Goodbye.

That's it. No more. I'm done.

Oh, come on.

We've only gone to two houses, and $25 an hour. Remember?

I don't care.

Literally everyone in this neighborhood is a fucking psycho.

Not everyone is going to be like that.

We probably just got off to a bad start.

Come on, let's go to the next house.

I'm sure it won't be bad.

Fine, but if one more person

confesses to murder, tries to kidnap us

or does literally anything else crazy, I'm done.

Get the hell outta here

and take your China virus with you!

Shit! I'm not a runner.

Okay.

Thanks.

Bye.

Finally, got everything set up with unemployment.

Everything's set up.

It's gonna be four months

before we start receiving benefits.

Four months?

I don't think there's a job out there

that's gonna pay enough to make ends meet before then.

What we really need is something with a large payday,

something under the table, off the grid,

untaxable, all that stuff.

We could always go see friend.

Yeah, we could go see friend.

Let's just go do it tomorrow.

Okay.

Ah. Woo.

Come in.

- I got. - Yeah, let's do this.

All right. Ooh.

The usual.

Ain't no usual.

I gave you the good shit. Come on.

More.

- Leave me dry. - Yeah, that's what I thought.

You know better. Holla.

- What's up, friend? - Hey girl, what's up?

- Hi. - So let me guess,

you here because you need something, right?

We need a job. Something that pays good and soon.

Damn. What's the rush?

Well, the restaurants are all closed, so we can't work.

We're behind on everything

and if we don't come up with some money soon,

we're gonna be homeless.

Shit. I can easily hook you up to my porn guy.

- No. - You got anything

a little more PG-13?

Fast money that don't play

by PG-13 rules, you know what I mean?

Okay, fair.

But can you at least try to think of something?

Hang on for a sec. I think I know someone.

Give me a minute. Grab a beer.

I'm getting nervous.

Don't be.

Everyone who's ever used this guy has never had a problem.

- I hope you're right. - I am.

Damn. I just hooked y'all up.

You lucky. You real lucky.

Great. What is it?

It's this wealthy dude, right?

He hasn't had female company in a long while.

If we said no to porn,

what makes you think we're gonna say yes to prostitution?

Whoa. Let me finish, bitch.

You ain't gonna be fucking the dude. He's a paraplegic.

His shit doesn't even work.

All you gotta do is be sweet and sexy

and dance for him for a little bit.

$500 a piece is the pay.

Just dancing? Nothing else?

Hey look, y'all figure that shit out.

I just hooked you up with a broke dick. You're welcome.

You just make sure he's happy when you done.

We good?

A "thank you, friend?"

- Thanks. - Thank you.

Ungrateful bitches.

So, how do we get paid?

You rende the service client pay me and I pay y'all.

So, if he has a broke dick, what's he even into?

He's a "Yellowstone" fan.

So dress up like a couple of buckle bunnies.

Buckle bunnies?

I unfortunately know what that is.

Okay, I'll text y'all the details.

Be there 9:00pm tonight.

Okay.

I cannot believe we're doing this.

Won't be any different

than when you did the Hoedown Showdown on Country Night.

Woo! Yeah.

Oh my God. Give it here.

That was a mistake.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Let's just get this over with.

I got some of our favorite music on the speaker.

This reminds me of a movie I saw one time.

How so?

Well, this husband hires his wife

to like secretly dance for him.

Only she doesn't know that he's a spy.

Then they get interrupted by a bunch of bad guys

and a nuclear bomb goes off.

What are you talking about?

Oh, showtime.

Not a word of this to anyone ever.

Not a word.

Ready for your private rodeo, cowboy?

My back.

- How bad is it? - Pretty bad.

Ah.

Ah.

Almost there. Ah.

Almost got it.

Ah, almost there.

Hey.

Oh.

Hey, dude?

- Dude? - Are you okay?

- Hey dude? - Fuck.

I don't think he's breathing.

- No. - No!

How? How is my client dead?

Well, it's not exactly our fault.

He was alive before you showed up.

You arrived. Now he's dead.

So because we are too hot

and his shitty heart couldn't take it,

we're at fault?

We did everything we were asked to do.

We should still get paid.

I can't collect money from the dead.

So we did all of that for nothing?

Yeah.

Is there another job we can do?

No. So you can fuck that up, too?

Well, how about a job

that doesn't involve someone already circling the drain?

You funny. You know that?

Thank you.

Contact this dude I know. His name is Jean.

He'll hook you up with a job.

- Thanks, friend. - Thank you.

So, you're Jean?

Yes, I am Jean Bon Jovi.

Say again?

Jean Bon Jovi.

Dude, your name is John Bon Jovi.

No, no, no, no. It is Jean Bon Jovi.

I was bullied about that as a child

and I will not tolerate mockery.

Hey. Hey, sorry.

Kali gets confused sometimes from her prescriptions.

It's bad medicine.

Okay. I understand.

I'm sensitive and I do not want to frighten you off.

No worries. We weren't going to run away.

May I offer you a drink?

Nope. Just here about the job.

Okay.

Does the job involve anything illegal?

Yes and no. Does it matter?

You need the money, no?

I mean the law, I'm okay with,

I just don't want a police bulletin of us reading,

"Wanted, dead or alive."

Nice.

So do you want to hear about the job?

Of course.

Shit's been crazy

and right now we're just living on a prayer.

Good one.

So here's the scoop. I am going through a divorce.

All of my as remain frozen until there is a settlement made

with that bitch of an ex-wife.

You know we're not assassins, right?

We don't kill spouses.

No, of course not. That's not what I want.

I do have a soul. I just want you to go to my business.

Open my safe, get my father's gold collectible coins.

That bitch should not get half of them.

That's it? Just get the coins from your safe?

- That's it is. Easy, no? - Why can't you just do it?

It's bullshit.

She says I'm leaving you. So I get mad.

I throw a glass against the wall.

She gets wet standing over there.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was arrested.

How much is the pay?

Does a thousand each sound good?

- I'm cool. You cool, Kali? - Yeah.

If we pull this off, I'll be sleeping in a bed of roses.

So, I will text you with the information you'll need,

the address, the alarm code.

Now, I need this done by tonight. I can trust you, yes?

Totally. Keep the faith.

We got this. I'll be there for you.

Be careful. Stay safe, ladies.

Always.

If shit goes sideways,

we'll go down in a blaze of glory.

That vault is huge.

Yeah. This place used to be a bank.

What are you doing?

I have the combination on my phone.

I already know it.

Okay.

And done.

Cool.

This might be the easiest job ever.

Yeah.

- Is this okay? - It's all right.

I just play on my phone all night.

The alarm isn't set. What the hell?

Yeah, I armed it now.

Just don't open any doors before you go.

Please, officer. I don't wanna go to jail.

- There you go, baby. - Are you recording?

Yeah. I may have to handcuff you for my own safety.

I completely understand. Ooh, is that your baton?

No.

Ooh.

Yeah. On the desk.

Oh, show me your baton, Mr. Security Guard.

Ooh, someone's gonna need a strip search.

I've been a naughty girl.

Oh my God. I can't believe we saw that.

Best thing ever.

She was like, actually into it.

She was so ready for it.

I wonder how many chicks he gets that way.

Oh, I love this song actually.

- Great. You ready? - Ready.

You gonna hit the beat?

I think I know what that recall was about.

I swallowed my gum.

Very nice. Very nice.

Very nice. Well done, ladies.

- Yeah. Piece of cake. - Payment as promised.

- Thank you. - Yeah, thank you.

This is lovely. Can you feel the love?

I'm in between relationships right now,

so I'm kinda in and out of love.

It's because you give love a bad name.

No, no, no, no, no.

Look, you are a very lovely girl

and I am sure you're going to make some man happy, or woman.

So, you got another job for us?

Perhaps.

You two probably clean up good. Can you serve cocktails?

Yeah. That's kind of our wheelhouse.

But restaurants are all shut down.

This is no restaurant. This is a private club.

- Where is it? - That is a secret.

Only members know,

but I could have a driver come pick you up at my business.

Yeah. How much does it pay?

That depends on how good you are.

The club pays well,

and of course you'll tips from the wealthy members.

This is a place where you want to wear a little black dress.

You want to look hotter than hot.

- We can do that. - Good luck, ladies.

Okay. Driver's about a minute away.

I hope someone doesn't drive by

and think we're two high-end hookers or something.

I'm pretty sure high-end hookers

don't wait by the street at night.

I mean, if I saw us, I'd be like,

look at those two hot bitches waiting for their limo

to take 'em to their high-end hooker palace.

We are not hookers. We are high end though.

Hell yeah, we are.

All right, hop in.

You want us to get in the trunk?

- Yeah, hop in. - Why?

Because you're not trusted to know the location.

So, hop in.

Can't you just blindfold us

and let us ride in the back or something?

Well, I could take this black bag,

I could put it over your head, zip tie it around your neck.

It'll screw up your hair and your makeup.

You gotta breathe your own carbon dioxide.

Or you can hop in.

All right. There you go.

Sit, spin, roll. Got it.

Sit. Spin, roll.

There you go. You're inside.

Look at that. It's like, I've done this before.

- Ow. - Sorry.

Ah.

I can't believe we're doing this.

We're definitely crossing the Rubicon.

The what?

The Rubicon?

The river in Rome that Caesar crossed with this army.

It caused a civil war.

It means the point of no return.

Dude, just say the point of no return.

You don't think we're getting trafficked, do you?

Oh my God. Why would you say that?

Because if you're picking up any trafficking vibes,

I'd like to know.

We are in the truck of a car being driven by a stranger

we just met through a man named Bon Jovi.

I'm getting all the vibes.

You didn't share any reservations with me?

I'm sorry.

I thought we were on the same page

when it came to those reservations.

If we are getting trafficked, I'll try

to escape and send you help.

You're gonna escape without me?

Statistically blondes are more preferred with traffickers.

So while they're occupied with you,

I might have a chance to escape.

Occupied?

You mean when I'm being...

Are we there already?

That was fast.

I guess time happens faster in a trunk.

That's not how time works.

Mm, time's relative. How many trunks have you been in?

How many trunks have you been in?

You must be the newbies.

That's us, the newbies.

I'm Lia. This is Kali.

Alright. Well mostly these people just wanna be served.

So just continue to walk around,

take drink orders and try to be seen,

'cause you're not just servers, you're also eye candy.

Of course we are.

- Awesome, jerking. Really- - Hi. Got some wine here.

Yeah. And a beer.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Can I get you anything else?

- I'm fine, thanks. - Thank you.

Of course.

And, keep the change.

Watch the hands.

I'm not boarding a plane, and you're not TSA.

Sorry.

What are you doing touching her ass?

Sorry, I was just being polite. I put my hand out.

You shouldn't be touching her at all.

Sorry. I know.

Next time I'll just fist bump her.

No, you can't fist her either.

That's not what I said.

- Oh. Hey, Mike. - Hey Johnny.

- Hey, how you doing? - I'm alright.

- What's going on? - Eh, usual.

- Alright, good seeing you. - You too.

It's my friend Johnny. Haven't seen him in forever.

Wanna play some poker?

Yeah. Heck yeah. Let's do that.

Hope we get to drink.

- Man, I'll catch up with you. - Thank you sir.

No problem.

Are you shitting me?

- Two bourbons? - Right here.

Ladies?

I would appreciate it if you would concentrate

on the gaming room.

That's where our VIP members are.

- Okay. - Thank you.

- It's about time. - Hey, I was working.

- Work me. - Ooh.

Oh, oh. Hi, hey.

What was our safe word again?

- Don't be a little bitch. - That's five words.

Yo, Romeo, you got a moment?

One second, doll.

Johnny, you're supposed to be telling our members

of our new location.

You need to be keeping them happy.

Yeah. I'm about to make this member really happy.

Yeah.

And why are the new girls dressed up

like they're going to prom?

Oh that's just Bon Jovi's hazing the new girls

Don't worry. They'll figure it out.

Johnny, I need you to be professional and responsible.

Yeah, of course. I got a condom.

No, son. No, no, no, no, no, no.

What?

We might have to make this a little quick.

- New girls, I see? - Yes.

They came recommended by one of our VIP members, Jean.

Bon Jovi?

Poor guy. You hear about his divorce?

- I did. - Sad.

Well, I'm gonna get a drink. Find me later?

I will do that.

- Your bet. - 250.

Call 250.

150.

Show your hand.

Oh high.

Not even a pair? Like a pair of balls?

Real funny, Shirley.

Oh, come on. Buy in.

Play some more.

Oh wait, you don't have your wallet.

It's in your wife's purse with your balls.

That's to you.

250.

I'll see your 250 and raise you 400 more.

- All in. - All in.

All in.

Call.

Lay it down, boys.

- Ace high flush. - Ah. Suck it.

Unbelievable.

Well, well aren't you a pretty thing?

- Thank you. - You any good?

Or just as as shitty as those guys were?

I'm just hoping to have some fun.

You got a name, pretty face?

Jordona.

Jordona? What are you, from Krypton?

That lady playing poker is something else.

Yes she is. Yeah.

She's certainly earned the nickname, Shit Talking Shirley.

However, she tips really well if you can stand her.

So, this place has a casino?

Somewhat.

People gamble with their own money

with each other, some with the house.

All gambling is approved or moderated by the manager though.

Hmm. What kind of gambling?

Whatever the members come up with.

As long as it's approved.

Last year's Super Bowl was pretty interesting though.

Huh.

200.

Makes it 200.

- Call. - Calls.

Aces when the pot.

Well no beginners look for you.

I'm taking all your money

and I'm sure you get boned more than I do,

but wait, who's there?

Chlamydia!

Are you eye raping me?

Do you play for the other team?

No. Just thinking.

Well, good. I'm strictly dickly.

I don't even feel bad for you.

I'm sure you've got plenty of guys

on your scrotation waiting to cheer you up.

No more bets.

Check.

All in.

Really, girl.

If you're in, I'm in.

Full house, bitch.

Aw, I only have two pair.

Give the devil her due.

Oh, my bad. It was two pairs of threes.

She has four of a kind.

What was my tell?

Sorry?

My tell. What was it?

You lick your teeth.

Kind of like that, but not sexy.

Maybe if you didn't have a figure of a waterbed.

Oh honey, cheer up.

I'm sure you have plenty of guys

coming up to you and asking,

"Hey, where's your pretty friend?"

Every time. Every time.

Hey Shirley, I had fun.

Someone get this piece of outta here.

All right Shirley, you're out here. Come on.

Jordona, I am so sorry.

You realize I'm a VIP member, right?

Yes, I understand. Of course.

Your whole night will be on the house.

I want more discretion on the club policies.

I, I will make it happen.

Somebody give me a fucking drink.

- What is this place? - Some employment. Stay cool.

Oh. So how'd we do?

We made 800.

Hey, that's almost worth letting old guys grab my ass.

- Oh. - Ah.

- Bonus titty money. - Just for you.

Hmm.

So, I did the math.

The club is every Saturday

and if we keep averaging $800, we'll have enough money

to cover all of our expenses until unemployment kicks in,

but just barely.

Okay, well here's to us serving rich assholes

in a secret James Bond underground nightclub.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Hi guys. - Hi. How are you today?

Good, how are you?

- Thank you. - Of course.

- A couple glasses of wine. - Thank you both.

Here's that board for you.

- Enjoy. - Thank you so much.

Tonight will be fun.

- Really? - What? I have split ends.

Thanks.

All our money goes to the same place.

Thank you.

There you go.

There you are.

Oh, thank you.

There you go.

Uh, two olives, honey. Try again.

Sorry about that. I'll be right back.

- She wants two olives. - Of course.

I really cannot not stand her.

Get used to it.

The little see me again.

- There you go. - Thank you.

There you go. Two olives.

Call for 200.

200 and you.

Dark spaces.

Okay. There you go.

You're trusted with the location now.

- Thanks. - Yep. Have a good night.

- Holy shit. - What?

It's like a minute down the road.

Oh, that's why the trunk times went by so fast.

Huh.

Shit.

What?

I just got a text

that the club's not gonna be open this week.

What? We can't afford to miss a week.

We need work.

Yeah, I know.

Grocery stores, pot shops, pawn shops, hardware stores.

Everybody but us is open.

Even the politicians writing these mandates.

You know, they never had to skip a paycheck.

Is there anything I can do?

No. I don't know what we're going to do.

Maybe Bon Jovi has a job for us.

No.

I am so tired of running errands for shady motherfuckers.

I would rather be out on the street than in jail.

Well, maybe we can take out a loan.

I have bad credit and you have no credit,

which is the same thing.

It's hard enough living paycheck to paycheck.

Now, I can't even do that. I'm a professional server.

I love to entertain. I cater.

I converse with my customers and I'm good at it

because I'm a fucking thankful person.

I am not allowed to earn a living

and there's nothing I can do about it.

One of Chicago's best restaurants

is shutting down permanently

because of the coronavirus pandemic.

10,000 restaurants

in the country could close in the next three weeks.

Two thirds of all the restaurants in this state

could be forced to close down by the end of this year.

They have not given us money and they have shut us down.

We cannot survive. My staff cannot survive.

The fuck do they want us to do?

We can't survive anymore, man.

I can't pay the fucking bills. I'm behind on everything.

And they set up a movie company right next

to my outdoor patio, which is right over here.

Tell me that this is dangerous,

but right next to me as a slap in my face.

I continue to follow the rules,

and you guys still, time after time

are given me citations.

A large protest erupting in Staten Island

after a bar owner was arrested for refusing to comply

with New York's COVID-19 regulations.

For every single person that doesn't have unemployment

that does not have a job,

and all the businesses that are going under.

And we need your help.

We need somebody to do something about this.

We're all this together.

We'll just all starve to death and die.

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm sorry about earlier.

Don't be. It's okay.

I get it. We're in the same boat.

Thanks.

I was trying to think of anything I would be good at

that could help us generate a windfall.

But I couldn't come up with anything.

Yeah, I was trying to come up with something too. No luck.

Wish I was good at poker like that Jordona bitch.

Yeah, I know.

I was watching her play

and read the other players to see if they were bluffing

and that's how she wins.

She's not keeping track of the cards

or she could have won several hands way earlier.

- What do you mean? - So, three hands

before one of her big wins, she folded.

She could have won at least two

of them based on the cards I saw.

What's the number to your mom's landline?

555-646-1648.

Why?

And what was the exact hand Jordona had

before she folded?

She had two pairs, nines and Jacks, 10 high.

Why are you asking me all of this?

Oh my God. Do you not get it?

Get what?

You have a photographic memory.

What? Really?

Watch.

Ah, okay.

Read that back to me, but from right to left.

497 281.

Holy shit. Do you not know how awesome this is?

How did you not know this about yourself?

I don't know. I guess I never thought about it.

You mean you can't remember like this?

- No. - Well, shit.

I have an idea.

We take our money back to the club

and you win us more at the table.

But I've never gambled before.

That doesn't matter. You know how to play.

The betting formalities, we can look up.

We have two weeks until the club opens again.

- Are you in? - Yeah.

Yeah. Let's do this.

Chips.

Are you not working here anymore?

I'm here to play.

You would have to be a member to play.

Can I become one?

There is a process.

There are dues, fees, paperwork.

I'll cover her for tonight.

I can make that exception since I have discretion, correct?

Yes.

Welcome to the club, Miss.

Lia.

Looks like it's gonna be a girl's night.

Are you sure you wanna risk losing all your tip money?

I know you work so hard pouring all those drinks.

I'm just here to have some fun.

Me too.

Bets 400.

Calls 400.

Show your hand.

Straight to the queen.

Have a straight to the ace. Higher straight wins.

Bets 200.

Raise.

- Raise 400. - Raise 400.

All in.

Call.

Calls to all in. Show your cards.

Diamonds, a girl's best friend.

King high flush.

I have three queens.

Sorry, honey. Flush wins.

Oh, and I forgot a pair of fives.

Full house Queens over fives.

- She cheated. - No I didn't.

Yes you did. You had a tell, I saw it.

- What tell? - When you have a weak hand,

you sit up straight to look more confident.

Oh, you mean this tell?

The tell I purposely made to fool you.

You saw what I wanted you to see.

Who do you think you are?

Don't start something you can't finish.

Oh, I'll finish. Trust me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ladies, calm the fuck down.

You and me, right here.

This is not what our establishment caters to.

I have discretional rights. It's a bet.

Double the table or nothing. You and me.

I'll take that bet.

- My money's on Jordona. - Jordona.

Taking the blonde.

Getting in on this?

This will start and end when I say.

What are you doing?

I just won us a ton of money. You did not have to do this.

You did your part. Now I'm doing mine.

- This is what I'm good at. - What about your back?

I will literally fight through it.

I'm not going home with nothing.

Once again, why are we resorting to violence?

- Because it's America. - Oh.

I don't know which one.

You better get a bet in before the fight starts.

Are you seriously letting this happen?

I can use this to petition the board to have her removed.

- Ballsy. - I'm not going to miss her.

And it won't be too bad if she loses a couple teeth.

Done with your pep talk, honey?

I'm not your honey, but you could be my bitch.

I grew up fighting with three brothers.

What makes you think that you can beat me?

Because I have a fire inside of me,

fueled by years of dealing with impatient,

ungrateful assholes like you.

My rage is literally at surface fucking level.

Blonde.

Begin.

Fuck.

Hurt your fun bag, bitch?

Dislodge your IUD, bitch?

Lia, back.

- Oh my God. - Okay.

- Is that good? - Yeah.

Okay. Go get her.

Yeah.

Who headbutts?

This bitch.

Oh my gosh.

How's that million dollar smile?

Bitch!

Yo Adrian, I did it.

Oh no, you have head trauma. My name's Lia.

I love you.

You're done.

Vega.

Oh, all right. Come on.

Pay up. Blondie won.

I know, I know. Here's your money.

Oh, yes. you Thank you.

I'll need you to sign this before you are allowed

to leave so you don't hold the liable

for damages from this little shit show.

- Let's go home. - Yeah. Let's get outta here.

Oh.

All right. Let's take a peek.

- That bad, huh? - Yeah.

Let's keep this on here a little longer.

No, no. I wanna take a look.

Okay.

You know, that's not as bad as I thought.

So, how much did we make?

Oh, we made enough to last well into next year.

Plus we'll have even more when unemployment comes in.

Oh, we deserve this.

Yeah. We do.

Ooh, I hurt all over.

Well, here. How about you focus on this?

Come on. Work it girl.

- Show me your A game. - Don't make me laugh.

That hurts.

I want you to move that mouth.

Ow. Don't make me laugh.

It hurts.

You're cleaning this up, you know.

No, you are, 'cause you're not dancing.

Hey boss. New girls are here.

- Ah, Jean sent you? - What gave it away?

Ah, follow me please, ladies.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

- What happened here? - What happened to your face?

- Occupational hazard. - What is going on here?

Well, ever since the government shut the restaurants

and the bars down, we had to make ends meet,

so we became a chapel.

The takeout wasn't working out.

So we had to figure other ways to make money.

That's actually a pretty cool idea.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

So how are you two doing?

- We're good. - Yeah.

Oh my God. What happened?

We went a hand to poker and I had to beat a bitch up

for our money in this secret underground

James Bond type nightclub.

- What? - Long story.

Oh.

It's nice to see you.

- Oh, okay guys. - Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

Sorry.

I really missed you.

- I missed you too. - Oh, yeah.

You look like shit.

Thanks.

Can we come hang out with you guys if we get married?

Absolutely.

Who said anything about us getting married?

Hey everyone. Happy 4th of July.

Lia. Let's get some shots going in here.

I'm a customer now. I'm not serving.

You're leaving us?

I got my CPA license.

Apparently I'm really good with numbers

and memorizing tax law.

Oh man.

I got shots.

Let's do some shots.

Hey, hey. Hey Joshua. Hold on.

How about a shot for the birthday girl?

Proud dad right here.

- How old are you turning? - 22.

22? All right.

Ready for your birthday shot?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I'm gonna have you turn around. Tilt your head back.

Open your mouth.

Hey Jocelyn, me too. Me too.

Oh my God, I am so sorry. Got held up at work.

Eric formed his LLC wrong and his books are all jacked up

and he thought he could claim his dog as a dependent.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna press play.

- Wait. - Hurry up, bitch.

- Okay. - Finally.

The wizard.

I thought I lost you.

Our love beat death.

What?

Why would you kill them off

just to bring them back the next episode?

That's bullshit.

Fuck this show.

♪ Strolling through a town that I know ♪

♪ No way to leave, nowhere to go ♪

♪ Stuck in a rut of vice and woe ♪

♪ Study my steps ♪

♪ And go with the flow ♪

♪ Ode to the alley, it's the roughest place I've ever been ♪

♪ It's the roughest place I've ever been ♪

♪ Dusty's dice are thrown on the floor ♪

♪ A tall glass of whiskey, no more ♪