Original subtitles

Can you believe they're 18?

I can't believe it. It feels like that.

I mean, I know we didn't see, like, their births back, like, you know, all

sick birthday stuff.

But I feel like they're growing thin now. It's crazy.

I mean, even for their stepmoms, we're still their moms. Absolutely. And we

watched them grow up.

Absolutely. And it's crazy. They just grew up like that.

I am just so excited for the birthday party, though. We've got decorations.

We've got presents.

Yeah, you already did it.

I guessed you about the presents.

I guessed you that I could find them.

You don't have to. You don't have presents.

Uh, shit. I guess you don't have the presents.

Okay, well, maybe they won't notice. Well, their friends will be here. Yeah,

it's going to be a full house.

It's going to be so much fun. Okay, so you guys have friends. You have a land.

Um, no.

Um. Okay.

We have a cake. You did get that cake. I did get the cake. Oh my god, okay.

I'm trying to get that on my makeup.

Oh, I do.

Yeah, it does. Oh, that's cute.

Yeah. What kind of cake is it?

I don't know.

Can we say, like, happy birthday out there?

I don't know. We can make a cake.

It looks great. It looks great. It'll be good. It'll be good. Yeah, it's got

blue and orange and... Yeah. They're, like, the color. Yeah, they're good.

I love it. I'm excited.

We can hang the strangers over there.

Yeah. You want to start?

Oh yeah, I love the party hats.

They're so cute.

Maybe they won't let us.

Well, let them open that.

What do I do?

Yeah, you kind of unwind it, right? But then... Yeah, yeah. Well, I can do it.

Oh, perfect.

Yeah, if you do it, you go that way.

But then you're going to undo those ones. Oh,

so we can go like... Yeah.

Did you have some?

Maybe they're in my car.

Hold on, let me go get them. Okay.

That's good.

Yeah.

I found my balloon.

Cool. But there was this bag in my backseat

with an invitation to me.

Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me.

Did you just say that the invitations are in your backseat?

I'm just going to tell Tom that the post office

And then I don't know what happened.

And we don't have the presents and we don't have the gas.

I forgot. But I found... Okay,

well we have Twitter boys.

And so I have... What can we give them for their birthday?

The boys are going to be down in a minute.

So here's what I did.

what we can do.

So,

why don't we just keep decorating and maybe one of us will come up with

a really good idea in the meantime.

Okay, yeah. We'll just keep decorating and do a little brain process.

Yeah.

Dude. Yeah.

18, man.

Let's go.

Can you believe it, dude?

I've only been waiting for 18 years. I know, right?

Dude, mom invited everybody.

Everybody is going to come. Like, literally, I'm trying to get a blowjob.

You think I could get it in that?

Yeah. I mean, fuck it.

Honestly, yeah,

dude, that's awesome. Who cares? Like, fucking gross poor house, you know what

mean? Oh, my God. And I know, like, it is a fact. People have said if you don't

use it, you lose it.

Yeah, you got to fucking use it. I'm trying to use mine.

If you're not going to use it, why have it sit there, you know what I mean?

Dude, honestly, we're 18.

I can't stop thinking about pumping everything, smoking everything, and

I'm ready to rock and roll, but honestly... It's a triple crown.

Dude, let's go downstairs and get some fucking cake.

Yeah. What are we waiting for?

I saw this.

This smells like a dick.

Why does it smell like that? I don't know. It smells exactly like a dick.

I've never smelled a balloon that smells so much like a penis.

No.

I mean, do you really want a bunch of random people in the gas station? I

think nobody has a neighbor.

That would take so much time.

All the random people, I don't know.

Okay, let's do cake.

Okay, maybe a cake fight. A cake fight?

I don't know.

This looks amazing.

Yeah, honestly, I'm surprised that there's even a burger on it.

I wonder what kind it is.

Okay, we'll find out.

I don't think we'll find out.

Happy birthday to you. Oh my god.

Wait, we're in candles?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, there we go. So good.

Okay, there we go. Thank you.

I mean, I could spend the next 25 minutes in your candles.

Can I help you? Please, because otherwise... What, I throw you 18?

Or is this in the answer? Oh, yeah, I don't know. I was pregnant.

You could just throw them in there.

Mom, I don't want to throw them in there.

Can we open these soon?

Uh... Yeah, I want to open these.

Soon. Soon. Really soon.

Just enjoy the day's festivities. Yes.

So much fun.

Don't even think about the podcast.

Oh, I forgot four.

What kind of cake is it?

It says surprise.

Oh my gosh, Brooklyn.

Yeah, there's no one here yet.

No! Listen, it's your birthday, not theirs!

Yeah. What did you invite them?

Let's do the cake first, and then we'll discuss that later.

Yes. And I feel like eating cake with you again is crazy anyway.

So... I mean, I guess that's true, yeah. You want to eat it first, right?

Yeah. Okay.

Well, yeah, but, like, no one...

Do you want to do that?

That's really good.

Mom, thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you, Mom.

You're welcome.

That's super sweet.

So, uh, what time did you guys invite Miguel?

Yeah, where's everybody?

Yeah, I figured, like, Bumpy would be here by now.

That's what I've been expecting, yeah, for a birthday. Shoot, I thought they

were going to be here for the cake. Maybe it's going to be, like, a thick

party or something.

I think they're hiding.

Is everyone hiding? Oh, it's just a fucking surprise party.

It is a surprise party, yeah!

That's why no one's here with us, with all of our friends.

Well, maybe after the speech we could go out on the pool, but it might be a pool

party.

Yeah.

So, how do we... Fun thing.

We decided there'd be more fun if it was just us.

Yes, we did!

We did that on purpose.

Internet family.

No birthday.

You guys know we only turn 18 once, right?

You don't invite anybody?

Is this birthday room or what?

Like, I mean, are they even available last minute, though? I don't know. Maybe

they're going to be at this.

What? What?

I mean, we're not even really related.

Like, it's easier and cheaper. I blew a lot of money on the gifts, whatever,

right? So, what if we save a little money and wait for the drivers?

It gives me, like, a cool 18th birthday, you know?

We're not related.

I got for your son, you got for my son.

I mean, I guess that makes things less awkward.

Maybe he's super into it.

I know. Ever since he came out, though.

Your son was, I caught him starting to move like four times today, although.

Right?

Thanks for listening.

Dance is dance.

Wait, you first think of dancing and then you dance.

So what are we talking about?

Well, let's just see where it takes us.

You know, it's their 18th birthday. If you don't want to go all out and you

might want to make this a shitty birthday party, that's up to you. Are

giving me a 30th birthday?

Exactly. You never would. So, obviously, we're just going to kind of play it

out. Oh, that's a challenge. Okay, fine. Okay, fine.

They're going to love it. They're going to freak. It's going to be like one for

the book, you know?

That way I ask.

I can't believe it.

Hi, guys.

So, we decided that in order to make

your birthday better and fun for you, and... Well, first,

we're really sorry.

Yes, that we forgot our presents. So sorry.

It's our 18th birthday.

You forgot our presents, too?

So, we had an idea.

You're 18 now.

How would you like...

Really? You guys are?

Yes. So, last thing I want you to do is have a bad birthday party.

So, yes.

We are the strippers.

So, do you want a lap dance?

From my mom?

Of course not.

Big question.

Yeah. From your sexy...

So I would be getting a striptease from Brooklyn.

Yeah. And maybe getting a striptease from you. And Alaska.

Maybe more. But we haven't decided that yet.

Unless you want it. Yeah.

I think that would be a good present.

I could maybe survive for a little while.

Yeah, probably.

It's being able to work a little bit, but I don't think that's a good present.

Oh, we will be the height of second.

We'll be flaming hot.

Yeah, this will get me ready for stand -up, right?

Yeah. It's going to be fun.

Okay, so you guys are dressed as well?

Wow, you killed me.

Show them how you start with your feet. I'll start with all of you.

Are you guys ready?

Yeah, of course.

Okay, and then you Okay, what? Okay. I like shirt.

Yeah. Yeah, or at least

Hey, did I show this book?

Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Oh my God, you got the fuck on these?

Well, I'm fucking on these right now.

I didn't brush these. They're probably real fun.

That's true.

I mean,

I get to do this.

I'm not going to stop looking at the book up there.

See, that's what mommy's talking about.

That's fine. You're tipsy. But my mom, what are you talking about?

Oh,

wow.

Look at

that Brooklyn.

You're, you're.

Alright,

so then here's what I usually do next.

Look at that. I could watch this butterfly all day.

That butterfly when I was as old as you are today.

Is this what we're saying you're always like when you're an adult?

Yeah.

unless you'd have thought we should.

Oh, wow.

I think we're struggling.

Oh, my

gosh.

Wow.

This is way better than Sandra.

Look at your mom. She feels the same thing.

Isn't this a good birthday for a boy?

Yeah, it's going to be good.

It could be better.

Like, you know, go drop her. I'm in.

Seriously,

you're better than your husband.

Yeah.

You don't have any fingers.

Take them off.

Oh, Jesus.

You're my best friend.

Right.

You're not good at this.

You're not great at this.

This is the best part ever.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Oh my

goodness.

Happy birthday.

Dang. Oh my gosh.

Dude, your mom knows exactly what she's doing.

Oh wow.

This is way better than the party.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh.

I want to see you sit on my son's socks.

Come on, it's his birthday.

What, are you going to tell that face no?

Look at that face.

I'm not going to take care of your food, you're going to take care of mine.

I will take care of your son.

Happy birthday!

I love you. Yeah.

Like a once in a lifetime.

Oh,

wow.

Oh yeah, just like that mom.

Oh my god, yeah.

Make you fall back.

Oh my

god.

I'll tell you.

Oh my gosh.

I don't know. Come here.

Yes. Oh, I'm in the back.

Oh, oh.

So go ahead and place it.

Yeah, place it.

Yeah, you're on top.

Yeah, just reverse it. Can I place it?

If you want to get... Oh, okay.

And now?

Yeah, just lift it up, right? Yeah, I would say that.

Okay.

Go ahead. You can keep going.

Okay.

Flip there.

Your frosting on the cake will be your cupcake.

Brooklyn,

pull my balls back for me. You can help me.

Oh my gosh.

I just came on your mom's face.

I'm about to come on yours.

Juju came on my mom.

It's payback, bro.

Hey, look at us.

Yeah, I mean.

Well, I guess the only thing that we can say is happy birthday, guys. Happy

birthday.