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Well, we're moving on up, moving on up,
too deep down, moving on up, too deep
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I can't believe it.
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The government is not coming through
with the money for our disabled youth
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services program.
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Oh, no.
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Well,
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we just have to think about another way
to raise the money.
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Let's see.
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Oh, we could have a bake sale.
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I remembered the last bake sale. We lost
$50 and gained 11 pounds.
11
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Well, what about another raffle?
12
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We lost more money on that than we did
on the bait sale.
13
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Well, it swapped me.
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We gave away all the good stuff at the
raffle.
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I hate to be a pessimist, Louise, but I
think we've hit rock bottom.
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Damn!
17
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Excuse me, I have an update.
18
00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:05,579
Well, I can see by the look on your face
you heard the bad news.
19
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:07,060
Boy, what a loss to mankind.
20
00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:13,599
Yes, George, you're sure right. We had
such great things planned for those poor
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kids. Poor kids? I'm talking about a
real loss to mankind.
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00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,840
Big Sal, from Big Sal's pasta bar
restaurant, I lost his account.
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00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:31,539
George, you can't compare a few
spaghetti -soaked tablecloths to our
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youth services program.
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That's right. They don't belong in the
same sentence.
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00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:36,759
Thank you.
27
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,370
You're welcome. Now, enough about this
help center giant. I got a problem.
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I can't argue with that.
29
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:46,990
The problem with my business is I don't
advertise enough.
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00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:53,620
Well, it would seem to me, then, that
what you should do is advertise more.
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00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,070
Have you been going to night school
behind my back?
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00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,760
Look, George, I'm no expert.
33
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,420
But I have two suggestions. And they
are?
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00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:06,950
Advertise more.
35
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,030
And? Leave us alone.
36
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,830
Okay. Don't you come to me with no
problems.
37
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,660
The problem is it costs money to
advertise.
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00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,240
Well, leaving us alone is free.
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00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:22,540
Come on, Mr. Bentley. Now, don't be shy.
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00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:23,870
Hi, everybody.
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00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,280
Hello. Guess what Mr.
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00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:26,620
Bentley's been doing.
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00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:30,350
Well, from the happy look on your face,
he must have been feeding you.
44
00:03:34,030 --> 00:03:36,140
Now, Mr. Willis, don't build it up too
high.
45
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:40,949
He's been doing the funniest impressions
I've ever seen in my entire life, bar
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none. Really, I think you're raising the
expectation level a bit too much.
47
00:03:44,630 --> 00:03:48,850
Oh, now, come on, this is hilarious,
Tom. Oh, my stomach hurts from laughing.
48
00:03:50,590 --> 00:03:56,189
Uh, Tom, we're not exactly in the mood
to laugh. I'm sorry. We just found out
49
00:03:56,190 --> 00:04:00,890
our funding for the disabled youth
services program has been cut off.
50
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:05,139
Well, what a better time for a little
mirth than levity. Now, come on. Do we
51
00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:06,190
down over here?
52
00:04:06,260 --> 00:04:08,490
Helen, please sit down. Oh, come on,
Georgie.
53
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,260
Sit over here. Come on.
54
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:15,960
Now, the beauty of this is that these
impressions, he does them in Russian.
55
00:04:16,899 --> 00:04:19,609
You know what would be better? If he did
them in Russia.
56
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,460
Come on, Mr. Bentley. Give us a little
of that suave Soviet... Cary Grant.
57
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,880
Well, you've talked me into it.
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00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,190
You dig, you dig, you dig.
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00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:36,940
Boy,
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00:04:36,941 --> 00:04:39,209
wait, it gets better, there's more.
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00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,810
Oh, Mr. Bentley, do the Mondale -Reagan
debates.
62
00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:45,750
Oh, no, no, no, that's boring.
63
00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:52,050
Do Rich Little doing Frank Sinatra
playing the Kremlin. All right.
64
00:04:52,570 --> 00:04:56,610
Oh, wait a minute, folks, there's an
even better one. Do Porky Pig in
65
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:09,679
It was hysterical when the Russian
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00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,110
ambassador's wife did it. Oh, my God.
Perhaps it wasn't an impression.
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00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,010
Get out of here.
68
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:16,480
This ain't no talent show.
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00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,010
Wait a minute.
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00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,380
What a great idea.
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00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:25,250
Talent show. Oh, Mr. Bentley, would you
be willing to do this on stage?
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00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:26,790
What, get thrown out?
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00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:28,440
No.
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00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:30,130
Your Russian impression.
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00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:35,869
Well. Oh, we need talent like yours. Oh,
I wish I could persuade you. You've
76
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:36,920
twisted my arm.
77
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:41,850
Oh, it will be great. We could invite
all the kids. I could make some
78
00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:43,190
Helen, you could sing.
79
00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:44,710
And we'll have to be a barn.
80
00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:54,059
George. If you don't have anything
constructive to say... I have something
81
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:57,310
constructive to say. Who the hell is
going to pay to see this junk?
82
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:02,480
You are just jealous because you don't
have a talent.
83
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:06,100
I have a talent. I can make a man
disappear.
84
00:06:06,420 --> 00:06:07,470
Watch this.
85
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,770
Abracadabra.
86
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,120
But don't mind him.
87
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,720
will be one of the greatest talent shows
of all time.
88
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,660
I'm a rusky -doodle dandy.
89
00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:25,720
Rusky -doodle do or die, you dirty rat.
90
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,450
Oh, Mr.
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00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:35,739
Wiedemeyer, I'm sorry, but we already
have someone who does famous impressions
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00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:36,790
in Russian.
93
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:43,840
Look, Buster, I don't know what you just
said, but the same to you.
94
00:06:44,011 --> 00:06:48,419
You still wasting time on that talent
show thing?
95
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:51,140
Oh, yes, dear, but what have you been up
to?
96
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,120
Something constructive. Listen.
97
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,800
Dirty. How I love it. How I love it.
98
00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:58,870
Clothes are dirty.
99
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,690
Oh, you're doing Gershwin for the talent
show?
100
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,470
I'm not doing nothing for no talent
show. This is my advertising campaign.
101
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:11,160
I'd give the world to see a load of
clothes.
102
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:15,000
So, come on, we should sing. D -I -R -T
-Y, I love you.
103
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,680
That's exactly what I've been wondering,
George. Why I love you.
104
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:30,160
Hi, my name is... Burt Reynolds of Burt
Reynolds Talent Plus TV show.
105
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:31,520
So you...
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00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:59,490
Mrs. Jefferson, as you know, Burt
Reynolds means star maker.
107
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:04,529
But I don't know. I feel we in showbiz
have an obligation to do more than
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00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:08,990
entertain. I feel we have a civic duty
to help others, too.
109
00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:12,070
Then you heard about our talent show?
110
00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:17,589
No. Call it kismet. But one of your
flyers got stuck to the bottom of my
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00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:18,640
the subway.
112
00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:25,029
I'd like to offer my services free of
charge as emcee of your little
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00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,080
presentation.
114
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:27,610
That's wonderful.
115
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,300
I know.
116
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,990
And here's the icing on the cake.
117
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:39,070
Whoever wins your talent show will then
get to be a special guest on my TV show.
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00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:41,309
This is unbelievable.
119
00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:43,980
You're right. He's just as nutty as you
are.
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00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:46,460
Nutty for talent.
121
00:08:46,581 --> 00:08:54,309
Not only will the winner get to perform,
he or she will get five free minutes of
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00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,810
air time to talk about his or her
favorite cause.
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00:08:57,490 --> 00:08:59,230
Oh, my God.
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00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:00,680
Whoop -de -doo.
125
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:06,710
You know, my show reaches a home
audience of over eight million people.
126
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:09,710
Did you hear that, George?
127
00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:12,970
George, did you hear?
128
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:14,780
No.
129
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,219
No, I didn't hear anything, Louise. I
was thinking.
130
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:22,509
You know, this talent show thing of
yours could be the most worthwhile thing
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00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:23,560
you've ever done.
132
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:26,520
What are you saying?
133
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,110
You're going to participate?
134
00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:30,230
Participate. I'm going to win.
135
00:09:49,151 --> 00:09:51,049
Good evening, everybody.
136
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,930
I'm Burt Reynolds, the star maker.
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00:09:58,570 --> 00:09:59,650
Aren't you nice?
138
00:09:59,651 --> 00:10:01,029
Aren't you nice?
139
00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:05,009
As you can see, tonight I'm not coming
to you from my usual stage. That's
140
00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:07,510
because tonight I'm live and on
location.
141
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:19,029
dazzling location this is the lovely
multi -purpose room of the neighborhood
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00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:25,789
help center come on you're gonna
143
00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:29,969
spoil me now you know i'd love to take
you all home with me but i don't think
144
00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:35,849
you're gonna fit in the cab that said
let's get on with a fantastic show
145
00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:38,080
starting out with a beautiful super
talent
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00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:54,909
no musicians. I hired him to cover for
me. If he doesn't show up, I'm going to
147
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:55,869
look like a fool.
148
00:10:55,870 --> 00:10:58,070
Look, I go on in five minutes.
149
00:10:58,071 --> 00:11:00,669
Could you please find him and tell him
to get down here?
150
00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:01,720
Thank you.
151
00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:05,430
Who were you yelling at?
152
00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:07,030
Oh, that was information.
153
00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:09,110
It's like talking to a machine.
154
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:15,090
You know, George, I'm so glad you
decided to be on the show after all.
155
00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:19,280
Yeah, it's a pleasure to share the same
bill with Wilbur the Whistling Gnome.
156
00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,210
What's your surprise talent?
157
00:11:39,211 --> 00:11:41,369
If I tell you that, it won't be a
surprise, will you?
158
00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:42,409
You're right.
159
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:45,430
Besides, any talent you showed me would
be a surprise.
160
00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:47,580
Thanks a lot.
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00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:53,109
And now, with a little bit of social
commentary and a whole lot of... Here
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00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:54,970
are, the Help Centerettes.
163
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:04,370
Tell me that you walked in the joint.
164
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:07,350
I could see you were a man.
165
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:10,530
Self -Distinction, a real big spender.
166
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,910
Good looking, so refined.
167
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:19,749
Bet you'd like to know what's going on
in my mind. So let me get right to the
168
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:23,870
point. I don't pop my thoughts for every
guy.
169
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:42,309
Okay, what you say? Look, let me tell
you, you know who to get his you -know
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00:12:42,310 --> 00:12:43,850
-what down to you -know -where.
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00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:45,950
And you two, shut up.
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00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,370
Oh, look at them, Mr. J. They're
wonderful.
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00:12:52,610 --> 00:12:55,260
Right, they can go right from me to a
circus side show.
174
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,510
Just listen to that applause.
175
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,510
Listen to those cheers.
176
00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:09,920
Oh, it makes you feel wonderful down
there.
177
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,040
and I'm sure some of it was for you.
178
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:23,019
I don't know how anybody can follow that
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00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:26,699
act, but our next star is certainly
going to give it the old college try.
180
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,519
and gentlemen, put your hands together
for Mr.
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00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,570
George Jefferson.
182
00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,020
I'm not ready yet.
183
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,320
I need inspiration.
184
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:36,750
Here, take this.
185
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,740
Gracias, international food lovers.
186
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,000
The first slide, please.
187
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:17,059
Now, the first charming Spanish eatery
we encountered was just outside of
188
00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:20,840
Barcelona. Or as we say in Castilian,
Barcelona.
189
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,460
Or they made a mean paella.
190
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,250
Look,
191
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:29,619
I don't want to hear your two -bit
explanations.
192
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,979
I paid him to be here and I want him to
be here. Hey, I'm here.
193
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,360
Thanks, I appreciate it. Bye.
194
00:15:33,361 --> 00:15:40,539
wife is having a baby and like we got
stuck in traffic she almost had it in
195
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:44,879
hunt look forget it now i'm gonna go out
there i'm gonna pretend that i'm
196
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,299
playing you stand behind the curtain and
whatever i blow you blow hey dad you
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00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,140
blow hot i blow hot you blow cool i blow
cool
198
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,060
It's Mr. Willis, and he's heaven.
199
00:16:05,061 --> 00:16:08,499
Well, get him off of there. I'm ready.
Oh, he's not done yet. Oh, a roast
200
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,550
campoyo. Goodie.
201
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:16,240
And now, moving into the north of Spain,
we found this delightful... Tacos,
202
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,360
enchiladas, and Doritos.
203
00:16:18,831 --> 00:16:20,879
Wait a minute, sir.
204
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,559
What are you doing here? Look, you're
supposed to always leave them wanting
205
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:24,359
more, right?
206
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:28,780
Well, yes, but... I have, I have.
207
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:34,860
And now, I'd like to introduce you to...
the world's greatest flutist. It's me.
208
00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,480
My first selection... I think we got a
problem.
209
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:40,920
Just shut up and play.
210
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:48,739
And my first selection is a merry little
tune that will bring to mind birds in
211
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:52,840
springtime. And the name of this sweet
little melody, Sweeter Than the Flowers,
212
00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:54,600
is entitled... What is it entitled?
213
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,180
Send Me Fixed Trombone.
214
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:04,550
Six trombones, as you've never heard it
before.
215
00:17:56,811 --> 00:18:04,159
But you're 75, trombone short. Hey, you
can talk about me, but don't talk about
216
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,210
my horn.
217
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:04,700
You're a great loser, Weez. I thought
you were going to be jealous.
218
00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:09,249
Well, you're the big winner. What
charitable organization are you planning
219
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:12,620
talk about on my show? My favorite
charity, Jefferson Cleaners. Oh.
220
00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:17,589
Weez is going to talk about the Disabled
Youth Services Program at the Health
221
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,229
Center. Oh, come on, Weez. I won this
thing fair and square.
222
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:24,530
You won with a phony trombonist. But it
was genuine comedy, right, Bert?
223
00:19:24,770 --> 00:19:26,750
I don't get involved in talent disputes.
224
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,960
But that doesn't mean I don't love you
both.
225
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:35,570
And the trophy, too. Beauty, ain't it?
226
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,260
Hey, Wilbur.
227
00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:41,440
You were great. Hey, you were great,
too.
228
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,549
Hey, could you whistle the Star Spangled
Banner with your belly button?
229
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:45,600
Sure.
230
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,670
It sounds better with lips.
231
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:55,149
Hey, you two were great, too. You know,
only thing, you should work more on your
232
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,200
dialogue.
233
00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:57,480
You know, dialogue.
234
00:19:58,110 --> 00:19:59,190
You're mimes, right?
235
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,579
Yes, I get it. I get it. But if you want
my sister, too, you have to... Speak a
236
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,630
little slower. Okay.
237
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,040
Read my lips.
238
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:08,300
You were great.
239
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,040
She is reading your lips. What?
240
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,450
Peppy is deaf.
241
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,800
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I really didn't know.
242
00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:18,890
She's a student at the Disabled Youth
Services Program.
243
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:20,270
Oh.
244
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,000
Is she a friend of yours?
245
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:23,590
I'm her teacher.
246
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:28,780
Believe it or not, whistling through my
navel? Oh, that's just a sideline.
247
00:20:35,470 --> 00:20:37,410
I wanted to tell her that I enjoy to
act.
248
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:38,700
You tell me.
249
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,010
I can read lips.
250
00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:42,290
Oh, you're very good.
251
00:20:42,790 --> 00:20:44,490
This means thank you.
252
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,750
Oh, this means thank you?
253
00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:52,549
And this means I'm so glad you won a
spot on the TV show because people like
254
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:53,509
so much.
255
00:20:53,510 --> 00:20:56,930
I think you'll be a fantastic
spokesperson for the program.
256
00:20:57,421 --> 00:20:59,389
Thank you.
257
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:00,440
I mean...
258
00:21:06,670 --> 00:21:08,590
Are you sure you got enough, Mr. Willis?
259
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:11,010
For the moment, yes.
260
00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:17,969
You know, if our act was just a little
bit better, we could be making our
261
00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:20,589
television debut right at the station
identification.
262
00:21:20,590 --> 00:21:23,650
Hmm. I have a problem with my act.
263
00:21:23,651 --> 00:21:27,709
The problem with my act was I don't
think there were enough gauchos in the
264
00:21:27,710 --> 00:21:28,760
audience.
265
00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:33,809
The problem with your act was that there
weren't enough gluttons in the
266
00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:34,860
audience.
267
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:39,109
I think the problem with my act was that
there weren't enough Russians in the
268
00:21:39,110 --> 00:21:43,730
audience. I still can't believe that
they didn't like my Russian Marlon
269
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:44,800
You know.
270
00:21:47,310 --> 00:21:48,360
Sonia!
271
00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:53,110
Oh, Bert's back on.
272
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:54,630
Oh, you better hurry up.
273
00:21:54,950 --> 00:21:56,330
It's time for the interview.
274
00:21:56,331 --> 00:21:59,069
Come on, George. You're missing the
whole thing.
275
00:21:59,070 --> 00:22:00,450
Shh. Wheezy's coming on.
276
00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:10,800
Pepe the Mime. She'll be interpreting my
speech for the hearing impaired.
277
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:18,879
Pepe and I would like to begin by
thanking George Jefferson for giving us
278
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,120
time to talk about the Help Center.
279
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:28,139
Anyone who's ever met my husband knows
how much this means because he's the
280
00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:29,780
world's biggest ham.
281
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:40,599
But he felt as Peppy and I feel, that
your viewers need to know about our
282
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,650
program.
283
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:45,120
You know, for a weasel, you're a pretty
nice guy.
284
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,099
I
285
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:57,919
know
286
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,630
that means thank you. But what does the
rest of it mean?
287
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,000
It means thank you and shut up.
288
00:23:03,290 --> 00:23:06,120
Change the channel. It's time for Monday
Night Football.
289
00:23:36,891 --> 00:23:38,989
Thank you.
290
00:23:38,990 --> 00:23:43,540
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