Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, too deep down, moving on up, to a

deep...

We're excited that Mommy's bringing Daddy home.

Uh -huh. Where is Japan anyway?

Well, let me see.

Do you know where China is?

No.

Do you know where the Pacific Ocean is?

No.

Well, do you know what east means?

we, honey? Yeah, they're bringing me a surprise.

Daddy said it's even better than a doll.

Hey, lucky you.

Yeah, I wish they'd go a little more.

Oh, George, hello there.

Oh, hi, Jessica.

Oh, hello, pumpkin.

How's my little sugar plum?

You little jelly bean, you.

Can't you ever get your mind off of food?

Lionel and Jenny's friends.

They'll be here in less than an hour.

Great. Do you think we should be doing this? After all, they told us not to

a fuss.

Oh, they always said the opposite of what they mean.

I'll say.

When Lionel went away three years ago, he said, see you soon.

What's all this mail addressed to Lionel and Jenny?

Oh, that's mail addressed to Lionel and Jenny.

Oh. Well, we've been picking it up for them while Jenny's been in Japan for a

month. And what kind of person... Are you?

Don't you know it's not polite to look through other people's mail?

Well, it's all junk anyway.

Except for the Macy's bill, a letter from Jenny's college roommate, and a

reminder of the appointment with Dr. Green Tuesday at 4.

Well, here it is.

Devil's Food Upside Down Cake.

Yay!

Oh,

Florence, I've never heard of Upside Down Devil's Food Cake.

Me neither.

I had a little accident in the kitchen.

I had to go through with it. It was a special request.

From whom, the devil himself?

No, I didn't bake anything for you.

You know, I got a postcard from Jenny from Japan, and she said more than

anything else, she had a craving for my cake.

Don't touch that frosting.

No, but she, uh... It's filling in the dents.

Have you got any more of that frosting?

We've got a crack in the bathroom ceiling.

Hello, Mr. J.

Hello, everybody.

I thought these balloons would add a festive touch to the homecoming.

Hello, Princess Jessica.

Hello, Prince Harry.

Can I give you some balloons?

Thank you. You're welcome.

Why are they flying?

Oh, well, you see, it's simple, Jessica. They're filled with helium.

which is number two on the periodic table of elements, and thus lighter than

oxygen, which is number six, and a major component in the air. Now, when the

helium is compressed into an enclosed area, it's magic, dear.

I like magic.

Oh, Jessica, let me show you some real magic.

Hello, Jessica. Welcome to Munchkinland.

How did you do that?

just by your drawers two sizes too small?

Not actually, Mr. J. You see, the speed of sound relative to helium is faster

than the speed relative to air, and this accounts for the accelerated resonance

frequency.

It's magic, Grandma.

Oh, that's my cookies. They're done. You want to help me bring them out,

Jessica? Come on, Flora. She's too young to operate a forklift.

You have Sunday's paper.

When Jenny called yesterday, she said that Lionel wanted us to save the real

estate section.

Gee, that's odd.

Not really. Maybe they're looking for a bigger place.

Why, the place they have now is plenty big.

Yeah, and even with Lionel home for good, there's still just the three of

Hey!

Jenny's doctor?

And the real estate section.

And Jenny's weird food cravings. Yeah, anytime you crave a Florence's food,

that's a weird craving.

And Jessica said they're bringing her something better than a dog. Oh, my God.

They're bringing home a pregnant geisha girl.

Jenny's the one who's pregnant.

They said they had something to tell us. Something important.

Oh, we're going to be grandparents again.

Oh, I just can't wait to tell everybody.

Come on, Weasley. This is their big news. Let them announce it. George is

Don't tell anybody.

Promise. Promise.

Promise. Promise. Promise.

Lionel and Jenny are having a baby.

I don't know the due date, but... Well, personally, I would prefer a boy, but

please, don't breathe a word of this.

That's right. A bun in the oven.

But you didn't hear it from me.

Hello. Hey, Ralph.

Great. Huh?

Hey, thanks, Ralph.

Look, the kids just got out of a cab downstairs. They should be up here any

second. Oh, Jessica, they're coming.

Come on out.

Now, go in the kitchen and hide.

All right, everybody, remember how we rehearsed it earlier.

Hey, where you going?

I'm just going out into the hall for a breath of fresh air. The same air that's

out there as in here.

But it's better lighting. I like to see what I'm breathing.

Welcome home!

I only went out to get cigarettes.

You've lost weight. Didn't you eat well? Of course you didn't. Who likes raw

fish? Mom, Jenny's here, too.

Oh, Jenny.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess it's the excitement of you coming home, the

party?

It's not really your party. It's just your family and some friends.

Look, Mrs. Jefferson, I specifically told my mother not to make a big deal

of this. Oh, but we know how you two are.

And now with the news about the baby.

What baby?

Oh, come on. We already figured it out.

Jenny is pregnant, isn't she?

No, I'm not.

I'm not.

You're not?

Who's you got to tell us?

Mom, Jenny and I are getting a divorce.

Mrs. J., must I leave? I've always considered myself extended family.

Lionel, hello.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Bentley, but we have an emergency here. You see, Lionel and

Jenny are... sick.

They brought home a rare tropical disease from Japan.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just a neighbor.

First thing you ask somebody when they've been away for a long time. So

your trip? What'd you bring us?

Listen, sweetheart, maybe we should save the presents for later.

Yes, later.

Right now, we should all talk.

Florence, why don't you take Jessica into the other room and get her packed?

She's already packed.

Well, then why don't you take her into the other room and read her a story?

I've already read her them stories.

We're sticking to them stories.

Uh, Florence, we have something very important to discuss, and I don't want

talk about it in front of the B -A -B -Y.

It won't work, Grandma.

Aunt Florence knows how to spell.

Florence, out.

I'll see you later, okay?

Well, we can take a hint.

If you don't want us in on your gossip, we'll just make up some gossip of our

own.

Child, have you heard who just checked into the Betty Ford Center?

What's going on here?

I think that Louise just wants to clear the room so that Lionel and Jenny can

tell us their special news.

Why, Helen, what special news?

You know.

Oh.

Oh, that's special, Newt. Look, I think there's some kind of misunderstanding

here. Look, Mr. and Mrs. Willis Pop, Ginny and I... Don't say it! Don't say

Mom, they gotta know sometime.

Okay, fine.

Kill your parents!

You've already broken my heart to pieces!

Call me crazy, but this doesn't sound like a baby announcement.

Listen, we've... try to think of the best way to break this to you, but it

doesn't seem... They're moving to Japan!

Oh, no!

We're not moving to Japan.

They're getting a divorce!

Thank God.

A what?

A what?

It's just a divorce, Pop.

I'm confused.

Jessica said you were bringing her home something better than a doll.

Yeah, a watchman.

What does that have to do with your doctor's appointment with Dr.

Green?

Ma, Dr.

Green is a family counselor.

Yeah, well, how about that real estate section?

We thought you were looking for a bigger place.

No, I'm looking for another place.

This isn't happening.

I refuse to believe this.

Oh, come on, Willis, don't you start it.

We'll never get them back together. Oh, you're right.

Okay, kids, what is it? You have a little spat.

What? Did Lionel forget to take out the garbage?

That's a little tough from Tokyo, Pop. Well, Jenny, you'll just have to find

somebody else to take out the garbage.

It's not the garbage, Pop.

Oh, well, uh, are you having a little trouble in your sex life?

That's a little tough from Tokyo, too. Well, Jenny, you'll just have to find

somebody... George!

And take that hat off!

Okay.

I realize you're adults, and you know what you're doing.

Thank you.

So I have just one question.

What's that?

How can you do this to us?

Oh, we aren't doing anything to you.

Lionel and I, we've just grown apart.

Right. You know, I was taught that you stick things out.

When a man and a woman got married, it was for keeps.

That's right. Even if they grew to hate each other, they stayed together for the

happiness of their families.

Jefferson, Lionel and I don't hate each other. Yeah, we're happy.

We're getting a friendly divorce.

And when is this friendly... thing supposed to take

place? It's going to be very quick.

Yeah, next month, we're all going to fly to Haiti and take care of it there. Who

is we?

Well, Lionel, Jessica, and I.

Oh. Well, we figured that as long as we're going, we'd make it a family

vacation.

Well,

well, well, isn't this too, too civilized?

Maybe we should all go and make it a real family outing. Yeah, why not?

We'll have adjoining staterooms, order some crackers and cheese and shake up

some banana dagglies. What the hell is wrong with you two?

Now look, we understand.

This is a lot for you to accept all at once.

You damn right it is.

And you are all too emotional to talk about this right now.

I am not emotional.

Then why are you getting it? Because I like to get it.

Okay, okay, look. Why don't we all get some rest and talk more about this

tomorrow? Yes, I agree.

Well, maybe you're right, Lionel.

I'll go make up your room.

Oh, that's okay. I'll stay at our place.

Then, Jenny, I'll go upstairs and make up your room.

Oh, don't bother, Mom. I'm going home, too.

Okay, you ready?

Have you two no shame?

Okay, I told you. Can we go if we promise to have plenty of shame?

Hell of a lot.

Look, we have been through 12 time zones, and now we're here in a twilight

And I think we all need some rest.

Yes. Jessica!

Bye -bye to everyone.

Bye -bye.

Oh, jeez.

Did everyone get enough kisses? No.

Oh, okay.

All right. Okay, good night, everyone.

Good night. We'll talk to you tomorrow.

Yes, dear.

Tomorrow.

isn't so bad.

Maybe not.

It never is as bad as you think it is.

They seem to be handling it pretty well.

Yeah, they do.

Yes. We should try to handle it as well, too.

Yeah, we should.

Yeah, we should handle it.

Handle what?

Jenny, are getting a divorce.

A divorce!

My poor little Jessica! My poor little Lionel! My poor little Jenny! This is

worst thing that ever happened to me!

Can you believe it? Our kids!

Yes.

Our kids.

My little boy. My little girl.

It seems like just yesterday they went out on a date.

like him right from the start.

And we like Jenny right from the start, too.

Well, I like Jenny right from the start.

He was always such a good husband and father.

Who would have thought he would turn around and pull something like this?

far be it from me to point any fingers, but, well, Lionel and Jenny did

seem a lot happier before he up and moved to Japan.

Well, I don't want to point fingers either, but if he was

so happy, why did he even accept an assignment so far from home?

What are you trying to say, Louise?

Oh, I'm not trying to say anything.

I'm just asking a question.

Oh, well, I have a question too.

How happy do you think Jenny was trying to raise a child in New York City alone

for the last three years?

I'm just asking.

you about a father alone in a Japanese hotel room unable

to shell out $8 for a hamburger because he's sending all of his

yen home so that mother and child can buy pretty clothes.

Which her father -in -law cleans for nothing.

since you're the one who convinced Lionel to take that job and leave home

first place. Oh, yeah, well, I figured Jenny would go with him.

Any wife who doesn't pack up and go with her husband ain't no wife at all.

Now, wait a minute.

He didn't have to leave.

Obviously, he put his career before his marriage. A chip off the old block, I

say. Do I put business before you ease?

That's beside the point.

The will is his.

I don't have a very good sense of how a relationship works.

Maybe that's where Jenny got it.

Mm -hmm.

Careful, Louise. You might just say something you'll regret, don't we? If

anybody says anything he regrets, it's gonna be me.

You know, if you didn't let your husband walk all over you like that, maybe your

son would have learned how to be more compassionate with his wife. Yeah.

Oh, shut up, Tom.

Maybe your daughter would have learned how to respect her husband.

Hey, now don't you make my wife sound like a witch.

It's the broom fit.

Ride it.

So why don't you teach me how?

Oh, please, look.

Lionel and Jenny have the right idea.

Jefferson's and Willis's just don't mix.

Well, good.

Just maybe you're right.

And maybe we just don't have to come around here for a while. Maybe that's

No maybes about it. Well, maybe we don't have to come around here anymore.

Maybe we'll just move right out of this building.

Great! I know where there's a vacant apartment.

In Japan!

Well, that's wonderful.

It'll be worth the commute never to see you again.

And never is too soon for us.

Goodbye!

Hmm.

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