Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on now, we're moving on now, to the...

If she was home, she'd have been all over me by now.

What about Florence?

Oh, Florence goes out every Sunday. And who'd be in the mood for her anyway?

I'm having a bit of difficulty, Mr. J. Can you give me a hand? The couch is

right in front of you. What?

Why don't I just put them down here?

Don't you just love surprise parties, Bentley? Oh, indeed I do, Mr. J. You

I still remember my first one.

Ice cream and cake for my friends, you know.

And pin the tail on the donkey.

My mother hired a clown.

And it hardly seems two years since that happy day.

Oh, Mr. J. Are you finally going to tell me what the occasion is or not?

Well, if you're going to beg, this happens to be the biggest event that

happened to me in my life.

I'll give you a hint.

Think dry cleaning.

Oh. All right. Let's see. You got the dry cleaning contract for the United

States Coast Guard, the entire nation of Brazil, and the planet Venus.

Not even close.

Today, I, George Jefferson, cleaned the mayor of New York City's

pants.

Yes?

I cleaned the mayor's pants.

So you cleaned the mayor's pants.

Right. And this isn't a joke?

Certainly. This is too big a thing to be joking about.

And you're not just setting me up to laugh at me later?

Of course not.

Well, in that case, Mr. J, my heartiest congratulations.

Thank you, my friend. Yeah, that's why I went out and got all this party stuff,

see? Got me some hats, some whistles, some horns, confetti.

I think I set everything up. And once everybody's in the mood, then I'll drop

bombshell.

And what bombshell is that, Mr. J?

The mayor's pants.

Now, where can I put this?

Oh, you were serious about that.

Look, Bentley, if somebody had told me 20 years ago that the day would come

I would be cleaning the mayor's pants, I would have told the guy he was nuts.

Well, yes, if 20 years ago someone had told me that one day I would be

congratulating the man who cleaned the mayor's pants, I would have thought he

was nuts.

It finally hits you, huh? Look, don't say nothing about this to anybody, okay?

Oh, rest assured, Mr. J., I won't tell a soul. You can count on me. Especially

we, you see.

Women, they don't have many fun things happen to them in life, so they look

forward to these surprises from their men.

Oh, I'm sure she'll be very proud.

She'll flip.

You know how it was in the old days when the knight used to go out and slay the

dragon for his lady fan? Well, today, we ain't got no dragons.

Well, we can thank the Lord that we still live in a society where elected

officials wear pants.

Hey, you know what, Bentley? I got a plan.

Now, in this plan, you're going to be the key man, okay?

I'm the key man?

Right. This is what I want you to do.

I want you to come over here about 9 .15 sharp, get Louise, take her over to

your place, okay? At 9 .30, you send her back over here. Send her back, Mr. J.?

Don't you mean I bring her back?

I said you were the key man. I didn't say you were invited.

Oh, the nerve of some people.

Hello,

New York Times. Yes.

I'd like the headline section, please.

What story?

Oh, the story. Oh, well, uh... It goes like this.

As you know, there are no dragons around today.

But in our fair city, history was made today because... I can't talk now. See

you later.

Oh, hi, George. What are you doing home? Same thing as you, except I'm not

asking questions.

Well, what are you talking about? Me asking questions?

Why would you say something like that?

And what are all those things doing there on the sofa? Nothing. I just

some groceries, all right? I'll get rid of them.

Oh, let me help? No, no. No, I'll do it myself.

This might be the last time I get a chance to do this.

Since when does he shop?

Now, Helen, be fair.

I mean, once in a while, George does something thoughtful around the house.

Oh, I remember he took out the garbage once in 1964.

Well, I still say he's acting a little strange, even for him.

Oh, wait a minute.

This might explain it.

Oh, Helen, he remembered.

Well, what's to remember?

It's not hard to operate.

No, you know what I'm talking about. He was acting nervous.

He couldn't wait to get those packages out of the room.

And we found this party favor.

Oh, he remembered my birthday after all, and he's throwing me a surprise party

tonight.

Louise, maybe you're right. You know, Tom did tell me that we were invited

someplace special tonight, but he wouldn't say where.

Oh, Helen, I married a saint.

He remembered.

Well, it's about time.

Are you forgetting how you spent your birthday last year?

Falling asleep to the best of Carson while the saint was out bowling with the

boys.

Well, the point is, he remembered this year, and I couldn't be happier.

Now, you can say what you want about my husband. Okay. He is loud.

And he really doesn't let anybody else get a word in it. Now, Helen!

Okay.

So life isn't always a bowl of cherries with George.

But... Moments like this, they make me feel so complete, so happy.

You know, I've got to be honest.

If he had forgotten my birthday again this year, I think I would have died.

Oh, please wait a minute. You haven't even mentioned the best part.

What's that? Well, if he went to this much trouble to throw you a party, just

think of what he must have bought you for a present.

Oh, you're right.

Oh, it's got to be something really special.

I wonder what it could be.

Oh, come on, Helen. Help me find something to wear.

Okay. But let's not make it too fancy, because then he'll know that you know.

But on the other hand, let's make sure it is something black.

Why? Why?

To go with the diamonds, of course. Oh!

glad to see you.

You talking to me? Yes, Florence. Look, I need your help. I'm in trouble.

Let me guess.

You forgot your wife's birthday.

How'd you know?

Well, number one, today's her birthday.

Number two, as long as I have known you, you have never remembered her birthday.

And number three, and this is a dead giveaway, you're glad to see me.

Look, Florence, I need your advice.

Okay. You got any cash on you? Of course I have cash. Don't you think cash is

kind of impersonal? Not at the Hilton, and that's where you're going to be

staying tonight.

What are you talking about? You act like you always remember to get her

something. Hey, ever since I've known Miss Jefferson, I have always gotten her

gift on her birthday.

Aha, but you do admit that before you met her, you didn't get her anything.

If you'll excuse me. Come on, Florence, now. It's after 6 o 'clock and all the

stores are closed.

Well, it's too bad you don't remember to watch the calendar like you do your

watch.

I'll tell you what, I'll give you 50 bucks for what you got.

Jefferson, I could never do that. Come on, Florence. Okay, I'll make it 100.

I don't think you really... Look, hold it. Look, here's $150 now, okay?

Now just give me the package, thank you. Okay, you got it.

This is what you bought my wife for her birthday?

No, that's what you bought your wife.

I got her these earrings.

Look, Florence, come on, what am I going to do?

Well, you could always use that to wallpaper your new room at the hotel.

I knew I shouldn't ask you for no advice.

Hey, Florence, you're not going to tell Weezy that I forgot, are you? Oh, don't

worry, Mr. Jefferson.

Do I look like that kind of person?

I'm not the kind of person who would humiliate her.

hurt her feelings, and caused her to question the basis of her whole

You're doing a good enough job of that by yourself.

Charlie. Hey, Mr. Jefferson.

Charlie, I need some advice. I'm in big trouble. Quick, I'm in trouble. Oh,

yeah. Look, Mr. Jefferson, could you excuse me for a minute? I'm talking with

Mr. Mendelson here, and he's in pretty bad shape.

I don't know what to do, Charlie.

See, I lost my business to the casino.

My son stole government secrets with his home computer.

And my wife took off with her aerobics instructor.

They ended a 10 -kilometer race, and they never stopped running.

Charlie, I need some advice.

Mr. Chilverson, this is serious. The man needs me. Who spends more money, him or

him?

Your time's up. My 7 o 'clock appointment is here.

Okay, Mr. Jefferson.

What can I do for you, sir?

Charlie, I'm in big trouble. Big trouble.

Oh, what a shame. I mean, that something bad should happen to you on your wife's

birthday?

Of all days.

How'd you know today was her birthday? Oh, I don't know. Somebody mentioned it

couple of years ago. I mean, you know how it is. When you give a damn about

somebody, you kind of remember stuff like that.

What's your problem?

I forgot her birthday.

Oh.

Well, come on. How are you going to keep track? I mean, her last one was what?

Easily a whole year ago.

Come on, Charlie. I've got to come up with a gift, a good one, and fast, or

I'm going to break her heart. Well, what are you worried about? She came to the

right man.

Oh, yeah?

You can find something? Well, no, but I can get you so drunk it won't make a

difference. How dare you?

All right, all right.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. I know.

Women go nuts for this. Those little cocktail napkins with the dirty jokes on

them. I don't know. I think that's more for anniversaries or something.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. What's the matter with me? Look, you want to give

wife something to let her know that you love her on her birthday, right? Right.

Well, why don't you do what I do?

Say it with olives.

I knew I shouldn't have come here for nothing. Never mind, Charlie.

Oh, listen, buddy. Look, I'm sorry I was so rude when I came by before. Is your

wife really leaving you?

She already has.

Well, listen, she didn't have to leave any furs or rings or anything.

No, she didn't leave anything.

As a matter of fact, you want to hear what else she did? Why should I? It's

problem.

Excuse me.

I hope you two weren't saying anything personal. I'd like to ask your lady one

question.

Would you happen to be a size 14?

Oh, sorry.

Forget it. Never mind.

My problem is solved.

Ralph! Hello there, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Look, Ralph, I'm in trouble. I need your help.

It's been a pretty busy day, sir.

Would this be social or is it business?

Well, it could save my life.

Good. Let's call it business.

Have a seat, sir.

Look, Ralph, I'm in trouble.

Today is Weezy's birthday. I forgot to get her a gift.

Pity.

I didn't.

But all the stores are closed. I'm up to creek.

Charlie, how about a shot of that good stuff on Mr. Jefferson here?

Ralph, this theory is just going to kill me.

Leave the bottle, Charlie.

Oh, Mr.

Jefferson, those olives, they are pitted.

Beat it, Charlie.

Beating it, sir.

Well, sir, I think we might be able to come up with something.

Fantastic, Ralph. Look, don't mention a word of this to anybody.

I wouldn't do a thing like that. Why, you can confide in me with the same

you'd give a priest hearing your confession.

Look at that. Here comes the collection plate now.

You haven't done anything yet.

A mere technicality, sir, because you are looking at the proprietor of the

and found apartment in this building.

Fortunately for you, people are always...

misplacing various trinkets around the building, and then they're forgetting to

claim them.

I'd like to see this lost and found. Well, now, sir, that, uh, that's an

lot of trouble.

Uh, okay, okay, I get the idea.

How about 50 bucks?

That's just fine, sir. Follow me.

You break it, you bought it, sir.

Ralph, now this is a new loan. Now, before you get carried away, sir, bear

mind that I don't sell any of these items unless they've been on the

list for at least a year.

And furthermore, I have posted a list of same -set items in a prominent place

right here in this building.

I never saw a list.

You don't get down to the boiler room very often, do you, sir?

If I wasn't so desperate, I'd choke you. No, sir.

Talk like that could close down the jewelry department.

But business has been a little slow lately. Say, Mr. Jefferson, how about

one? $24 .95, special this week, sir.

Don't you have something a little more expensive?

Well, then, why don't we just cross right over to the display case?

Boy, how much is this one, Ralph? I'm sorry, Charlie, that's...

Already on layaway.

Oh.

Well, then, I'll take this one. Whoa, Mr.

Jefferson, didn't you say you wanted something a little more expensive?

Hold it, hold it. Will you get a commission here or something?

Wait a minute, sir.

Listen, I think I've got the perfect item right here.

How about this ring?

Looks cheap. Cheap? No, no, no. You can check it out yourself. Here, you just

check the stone, the color, and the clarity. Go ahead, check it.

Well, sir, let's keep the arithmetic simple.

How about $1 ,000, because you're a friend?

You've got to be crazy. Well, sir, you know, you can't put a price on love,

whereas a woman can certainly put a large one on divorce.

$1 ,000. You got it. Give me the thing.

May I suggest, sir, that first we take a brief visit to the boiler room?

What for?

A gift box, of course. Where do you want the ring to come from?

Tiffany's? Cartier?

Surprise!

Surprise?

Uh -huh.

I get it.

It is evident that all of you people forgot that today is my Wheezy's

You did it again, George.

Did what?

You forgot my birthday.

What are you talking about, Weasley? You know that bag I told you was full of

groceries? Well, that happened to be full of party junk.

The salesman told me that I should go with the Snoopy theme, but I know how

you love the Flintstones, so I went that way.

George, your party wasn't for me.

What are you talking about? What else would I be celebrating?

Oh, greetings, Mr. J.

Bentley, you blabbermouth.

I'm sorry, Mr. J, but it's that business of the mayor's... Pants. I never could

tell if you were on the level or not. Come on, love. You've got to believe me.

Look, Willis, give me a hand here. You're a husband. You've been through

Oh, well, no, he hasn't. For your information, George, Tom has never

any of my birthdays in all the years that we've been married.

Well, now, in all fairness to George, everybody, when Helen turned 41, I

bought her a pair of suede boots, but I did miss her shoe size by a half.

Uh, well, I knew she was a seven and a half, but I figured with a suede... Get

out.

Yeah, but I was just... Get out!

Very well.

But I think you ought to know that the size of the shoes was precisely right.

I was just trying to help an old friend.

Poor Louise.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Come, Helen.

Happy birthday, Louise.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

And, George, as far as I am concerned, there's only one thing lower than a man

who forgot his wife's birthday.

And what's that?

That's a man who celebrates cleaning the mayor's baths.

Well, anyone mind if I have another piece of cake?

Get out!

He really cleaned the man's past.

These people ain't no fun at all.

Okay, Weed, I'm sorry.

I blew it, okay?

Look, it's not that I forgot that you had a birthday.

It's just I forgot what it was.

Oh.

And now I'm supposed to feel better, huh, George?

No.

But this will make you feel better.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Forget it.

But, Weezy, just take a look at it. I said forget it.

Now, you can't buy your way out of this one.

Besides, there's nothing special about a gift that you ran out and bought at the

last minute.

So that's what you think, that I went out and bought this at the last minute?

No, no, no, no. I bought this a month ago. I just had it wrapped at the last

minute.

Well, I don't want it. But, Weezy, look at it. I said I don't want it. Will you

at least... No, George!

It's too late. Okay.

I'm sorry, Weezy.

I hurt you.

I'm a fool to think that I could just smooth something over with a gift.

Oh, give it to me.

Oh, George.

I don't believe it. Believe it, Weas. I told you you'd love it.

Of course I love it. Where on earth did you find it?

Well, you know, something like that is hard to come by.

But for you, ain't no river too wide, ain't no mountain too high.

Oh, George, look, it still fits.

That's right.

Still fits.

I can't believe it.

It was right around my birthday three years ago when I lost it.

My engagement ring.

The one you bought me 33 years ago.

I bought that?

Right? That's right. I bought that.

Oh, this is the sweetest thing you have ever done. I mean, to remember something

like my ring.

George and Louise forever.

Yes, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Forever. Right.

Oh, sure.

It didn't cost you much back then, but...

I've treasured it just the same.

And I know you treasure it, too, now.

That's right.

Louise, not that it matters anything, but how much did I pay for that ring

then?

Oh, well, I'm not sure, but I remember you had to put at least six or seven

quarters in that machine before that little crane came down and got it.

Six quarters is all I paid for the rent.

Oh, I know what you're worried about.

You feel because it didn't cost you anything that it's not worth anything to

But I think it's the most romantic thing you've ever done.

Really? Really.

And it couldn't possibly mean more.

Not even if you spent, oh, I don't know, $500 on it.

$500 maybe, but...

It might mean a little more if I paid maybe a thousand.

Oh, come on, George.

Nobody could be that dumb.

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