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♪ MTV
2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,230
- ♪ I'm goin' downto South Park ♪
3
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,406
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
4
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,017
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
5
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,714
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:19,932
- ♪ I'm goin' downto South Park ♪
7
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:21,673
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind
8
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,675
♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
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00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,373
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
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00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,548
- ♪ I'm headin' on downto South Park ♪
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00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:28,332
♪ Gonna seeif I can't unwind ♪
12
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,250
- ♪ Come on downto South Park ♪
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♪ And meet some friendsof mine ♪
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He's gone too far
this time, dude.
15
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,792
The stuff he's saying about
Jews is out of control.
16
00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,316
Bro, you just
got to ignore him.
17
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,708
Bro, it's pretty hard
to ignore him
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00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:58,362
when he's saying it
all on a podcast.
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00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,843
He actually said that
all women are whores,
20
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,280
and the only thing we're
good at is murdering babies.
21
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,716
Look, guys,
just leave it alone.
22
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,066
Don't give him
any more attention.
23
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,719
That's easy
for you to say, dude.
24
00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:09,547
Yeah, you are one
of the multitudes of groups
25
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,506
he's spewing
his stupid shit about.
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00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,507
Hey, guys.
27
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:13,812
Who are you talking about?
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00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:14,509
both: Clyde.
29
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:15,901
Clyde?
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Yeah, and his stupid
debating podcast.
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00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,514
Hey, here he comes.
32
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Whatever, guys.
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00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,909
Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong.
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00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,434
You don't know a thing
about the Jewish people.
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00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,653
Yeah, and shut up
about girls' bodies.
36
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,352
Well, that sounds like a very
female and Jew thing to say.
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00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,353
If you guys don't like it,
38
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181
why don't you come debate me
on my podcast?
39
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,966
We're not indulging
your stupid podcast.
40
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Yeah, screw you, fat ass.
41
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,797
Wha-- what?
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00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,017
Now, as your counselor,
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00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,976
I want to try and understand
why you're doing
44
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,804
all these bad things
you're doing.
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00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,634
The other students are
very upset at this podcast.
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00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:54,592
And what makes you think
you got to say
47
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:55,898
all this stuff, Clyde?
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00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,205
Hey, I'm just trying
to make my nut, man.
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00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,643
Y-your nut?
50
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,427
Yeah, you know,
kids have it tough these days.
51
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:06,256
We got Xbox subscriptions,
PS5, Steam subscriptions,
52
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,432
Netflix, HBO,
you want to order DoorDash.
53
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217
My nut's about 60 bucks a week.
54
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,306
So you know, as a kid,
if you could do a podcast,
55
00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:14,395
say some really divisive shit,
then you could make your nut.
56
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,050
Well, Clyde, there's more
important things
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00:02:18,094 --> 00:02:19,530
than a nut, mkay?
58
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,097
Like what?
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00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,752
Well, like being nice,
mkay,
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00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,798
making people smile,
helping people out.
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That's why
I became a counselor.
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00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:29,671
Yes?
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00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,064
Mr. Mackey, I need you
to pack your stuff.
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00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,109
You've been fired, bud.
65
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,415
W-what?
66
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,547
Government's doing away with
needless spending in schools.
67
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,506
Get your things.
Last paycheck's up front.
68
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,898
What are you talking about?
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00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,205
Hey, wait a minute,
PC Principal.
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00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:43,467
Power Christian Principle,
yes.
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00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,687
I've worked here
for 26 years.
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00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,297
We appreciate your service
to this school,
73
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,908
but the government's cutting
back on unnecessary expenses.
74
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,997
Well, what's more important
than a school counselor?
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00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,825
Schools have
one counselor now,
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00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914
and he is the greatest
counselor that ever lived.
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00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655
Thanks for everything.
Now, pack your shit.
78
00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:02,834
But...
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00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489
what about my nut?
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ANNOUNCER:Hello, and welcome
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00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:24,856
to the "Clyde DonovanPodcast."
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00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,599
Welcome to
the Channel of Truth, guys.
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00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:29,992
You can't trust Jews,
84
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,211
white people are
the underprivileged,
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00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,560
and women belong at home.
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00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:33,865
I'd like to welcome
our first guest
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00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,389
to the debate, Eric Cartman.
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00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,437
What the hell do you think
you're doing, Clyde?
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00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,134
We're here speaking the truth
about the Jews
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00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:43,484
and the underprivileged
white class--
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00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:44,615
That's my shtick.
92
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,791
Knock it off, Clyde.
You stole my idea.
93
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,140
I don't know about
stealing ideas,
94
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,012
but I do know about some
amazing supplement powders
95
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,535
- that are an absolute steal--
- Supplement powders?
96
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,058
HE-MAN supplement powders
can really help you
97
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,147
- bulk up and get--
- Are you fucking serious?
98
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,019
People are sponsoring you
for ripping me off?
99
00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,412
And it's really just the best
way to get ripped quick.
100
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,543
So be sure to get some.
101
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,197
And also, be sure to hashtag
#RespectClydesAuthority.
102
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,068
What?
103
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,682
So after losing my job,
I realized
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00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:11,251
I really better get a handle
on how much I spend a month.
105
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,600
Yes, Mr. Mackey.
106
00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,079
Looking over
your portfolio here,
107
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,908
it appears you've got about
an $8,000 a month nut.
108
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,346
$8,000 a month?
109
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,044
I had no idea
my nut was that big.
110
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,307
Now, we could get you
a debt consolidation loan,
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00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,656
cancel your streaming services,
112
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,875
downgrade
your phone subscription,
113
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:28,355
do a second mortgage
on your house,
114
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:30,574
and your nut's still $8,000--
115
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:32,141
a month.
116
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,100
But I don't have anything,
mkay?
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00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,537
I can't find a job.
118
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,539
Nobody's hiring
counselors anymore.
119
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:39,888
What am I supposed to do?
120
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804
Well, there are
other career opportunities.
121
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,153
Have you considered...
122
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,155
a job with the I-C-E?
123
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,419
Help your country round up
undocumented immigrants.
124
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:51,334
ICE?
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00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:52,988
I'm a counselor.
126
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,294
I help people.
127
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,121
I would never work for ICE.
128
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,080
I understand you have
to have your principles.
129
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,083
It's just they are
offering new recruits
130
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,128
about a $100,000 salary.
131
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,654
Say--say what now?
132
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,440
Are you looking
for a new career?
133
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,573
Why not join the I-C-E?
134
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,444
We have jobs available now
135
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:16,881
with up toa $50,000 signing bonus.
136
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,579
Signing bonus?
137
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,408
- ♪ We don't askfor experience ♪
138
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:22,757
♪ Just show up
139
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:26,630
♪ We don't care if you'veread a book or grown up ♪
140
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,590
♪ If you're crazyor fat and lazy ♪
141
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,679
♪ We don't care at all ♪
142
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,638
I'm proud
to work for the I-C-E.
143
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,426
- ♪ Immigrationand Customs Enforcement ♪
144
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,818
♪ If you need a job
145
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,167
♪ It's a job
146
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:43,778
♪ To have
147
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,613
And now, watch as
Clyde Donovan totally destroys
148
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,310
these woke liberal students.
149
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,181
Welcome to the channel, guys.
150
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,140
Looks like a lot
of whiny babies have a problem
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00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,490
with what I say,
so prove me wrong.
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00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,187
Uh, Hey, Clyde.
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00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,755
Um, you said nothing good
ever came from the Jews.
154
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,845
But if that's true,
why are bagels so yummy?
155
00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:09,064
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
156
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,500
Well, you've obviously
been taught by the Jews
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00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,110
to have a problem with this
school and with America.
158
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:14,156
So let me ask you this-- what
is your definition of a woman?
159
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:15,113
Wait, now, what?
160
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,986
What is a woman?
It's a very simple question.
161
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,511
Well, a woman is
a lady friend
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00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:23,208
who, you know,
gives you kisses.
163
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,340
You see, you can't
answer the question.
164
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,820
But something is male
or it is female.
165
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,343
Both science and scripture
agree to that.
166
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,910
And that's just the truth.
Next.
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00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:31,739
Another woke
student totally destroyed.
168
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:32,914
Oh, jeez.
169
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,829
Did you call
the girls' soccer team
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00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:37,048
a Marxist
indoctrination factory?
171
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,398
That is correct.
172
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,530
We actually beat the boys
4 to 0, you know.
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00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,402
You can whine about American
oppression all you want,
174
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,099
but you're using an iPhone
made by the free market
175
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,753
to complain about a system
that gave it to you.
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00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,407
Girls have it way easy
in America,
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00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,886
and that's just the truth.
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00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236
ANNOUNCER:Woke student totally pwned.
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00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,542
Women have it good
in America,
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00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,500
just like Black people do.
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00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,153
Black people have everything
handed to them--
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00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:55,980
Motherfucker!
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00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,598
I'm sick of people
stealing my schtick.
184
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,601
If anyone around here
is gonna be a master debater,
185
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,515
it's me.
186
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:09,472
So let's go.
187
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,213
Who wants to debate
the master debater?
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00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:11,648
Let's go.
189
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:12,344
You right there.
190
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,478
That's the stupidest haircut
I've ever seen.
191
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,218
You are wrong.
192
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,134
Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be
a perpetual statute
193
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,875
for your generations
throughout all your dwellings.
194
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:21,963
So you can shut up, Bebe.
195
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,573
You just hate America
and you love abortions.
196
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,501
Mr. Mackey?
197
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,981
Uh, yes, r-right here.
198
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,247
Have a seat, sir.
199
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817
What makes you want to work
for immigration enforcement?
200
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:50,818
Uh, well,
201
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,037
you see, I got a nut.
202
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,386
All right, you're hired.
203
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:55,475
Take this to the next station
204
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,389
for your physical
and orientation video.
205
00:07:58,608 --> 00:07:59,827
Well, th-that's it?
206
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,399
You will now watch
an orientation video
207
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:10,011
featuring the Director
of Homeland Security.
208
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,886
♪
209
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714
Welcome to the team,
recruits.
210
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,282
I'm Kristi Noem,
Head of Homeland Security.
211
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,459
Oh, she seems nice, mkay?
Very pretty.
212
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,983
A few years ago,
I had to put my puppy down
213
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,463
by shooting it in the face,
214
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,421
because sometimes
doing what's important
215
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,858
means doing what's hard.
216
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,211
Whoa. Whoa.
217
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:38,561
Now, we'll ask
the same determination of you.
218
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,217
Because detaining
and questioning people
219
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,348
is never easy.
220
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,049
Oh, God!
221
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,746
As the face
of Homeland Security,
222
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:50,791
I'll be leading the way.
223
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,404
And together,
we'll make sure
224
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,537
everyone is in this country
legally.
225
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,845
So let's get out there
and get 'em, recruits.
226
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,673
Together,
we can make it happen.
227
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,591
We hope you enjoyed
the presentation.
228
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,985
Please step through to the
vehicles for your first raid.
229
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,914
Keep your hands and feet
inside the vehicle
230
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:27,784
at all times.
231
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:34,965
Lock and load, recruits!
232
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,184
Prepare to raid!
233
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:38,969
Mmm-kay.
234
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,671
Watch as
Eric Cartman shuts down
235
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,150
these woke liberal students.
236
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,064
Oh, my God.
237
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:48,675
What makes you think
you have the right
238
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,112
to say what I do with my body?
239
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,026
Let me ask you something.
240
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,245
If a pregnant woman is killed
and the baby dies too,
241
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:56,160
why is the killer charged
with a double homicide?
242
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,946
Well, b--because people
have different beliefs.
243
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,469
It's not about belief.
It's about truth.
244
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:02,253
Science confirms life
begins at conception.
245
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:04,125
So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says,
before I formed you
246
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:04,865
in the womb, I knew you.
247
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,083
But it's just morality
that demands
248
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,345
we protect the most vulnerable.
249
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,347
So let me ask you--
when do you think life begins?
250
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,394
Eric, are you all right
in there?
251
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:13,177
Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.
252
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:14,614
I'm just in here
master debating.
253
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,312
Well, Eric, that's enough.
254
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:18,879
Let's get out of the bathroom.
255
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:19,662
I can't, Mom.
256
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,446
I'm master debating to these
young college girls.
257
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,188
That's very naughty, Eric.
Stop it.
258
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,016
Mom, I finally got
sponsored by a protein powder,
259
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,888
so I gotta master debate
for a couple more hours.
260
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,803
Leviticus 9:1-8.
Leave me alone.
261
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,159
- All right, recruits.This is it.
262
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,551
We're heading to a location
263
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,423
that might be filledwith illegals.
264
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,686
Let's take thesebad hombres down.
265
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:46,776
Backpack.
266
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:47,821
Backpack.
267
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,432
Backpack. Backpack.
268
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,134
♪ I'm the map,
I'm the map ♪
269
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,875
♪ I'm the map,
he's the map ♪
270
00:10:58,919 --> 00:10:59,876
♪ He's the map,
I'm the map ♪
271
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,616
Freeze!
272
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,969
Oh, God. Mkay.
273
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,581
We're just here
for questioning.
274
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,280
Cooperate, and nothing bad--
holy shit.
275
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,159
Look,
I'm really sorry about this.
276
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:24,684
It's just, I got
a monthly nut, you know?
277
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,555
I gotta make my nut.
278
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,647
You did a good job
in there, soldier.
279
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,041
Mkay.
Thank you, Captain.
280
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,869
I know it's tough
doing what's hard,
281
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,219
but we could use more men
like you in the--
282
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,656
Whoa, what the fuck?
283
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,179
Your Botox, Ms. Noem.
284
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,703
Oh, yeah.
Fix me up.
285
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:44,529
Fix me up.
286
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,752
Another day doing what's tough.
287
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,499
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
288
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,980
But a body growing inside
a woman's body is not her body.
289
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,372
It's a completely separate
fetus--
290
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,593
Eric, what are you doing?
291
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:06,290
I'm sorry, mom.
292
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,076
You told me to go to sleep, but
I started masterdebating again.
293
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,209
This is really getting
to be a problem, Eric.
294
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,297
Mom, you don't understand.
295
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,646
I'm getting really good
at this.
296
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,257
I have my arguments down
rock solid.
297
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,911
These young college girls
are totally unprepared,
298
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,217
so I can just destroy them
and also edit out all the ones
299
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,479
that actually argue back well.
300
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:23,046
It just feels so good.
301
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,613
I understand it feels good,
302
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,137
but that doesn't mean
you do it all the time.
303
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,660
I'm sorry, Mommy.
304
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,967
Put the computer away
and leave those poor
305
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,534
college girls alone.
306
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:33,535
OK.
307
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,145
I won't master debate
anymore tonight.
308
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,627
Look, look, you can call it
reproductive rights.
309
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,063
But be honest,
if a baby could speak,
310
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,325
it would fight
for its right to live.
311
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,370
Eric Cartman!
312
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:42,849
I'm sorry, Mom!
313
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,637
Tom, another protest today,
as thousands turned out
314
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,161
in downtown Denver
to voice their outrage
315
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,597
against the I-C-E.
316
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,991
This is just out of control.
317
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,298
A lot of the people being
targeted in these raids
318
00:12:57,341 --> 00:13:00,475
are kind, hard-working,
deeply faithful people
319
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,085
who care for their families.
320
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:06,481
I have no doubt that there are
many, many Latinos in heaven.
321
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:13,618
♪ ♪
322
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,585
Oh, this is bad.
323
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,455
Mkay?
324
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,381
Remember, only detain
the brown ones.
325
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,035
If it's brown, it goes down.
326
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,080
Jesus, look out!
327
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,308
There's another one
flying over here.
328
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:52,396
Catch him!
Catch him!
329
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,661
I just need
to ask you some questions,
330
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:58,272
mkay, make sure you're legal.
331
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,448
How did you get into heaven?
332
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:03,059
Um, I was really nice
to people,
333
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,061
and I helped various charities.
334
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,628
Look,
I'm really sorry about this,
335
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,499
but I'm just trying
to make my nut.
336
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,197
Mackey, I need a word.
337
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,026
Yes, Captain?
338
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,332
You did another great job
out there, Mackey.
339
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,507
I like your style.
340
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,553
Oh.
Thank you.
341
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,033
The President's
handing out bonuses
342
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,208
to recruits that stand out.
343
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,557
And I'm going to recommend you
344
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,079
for the next set
of bonuses that--
345
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:24,951
Ah!
346
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:27,127
Grab it!
347
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,393
No more brownies in heaven.
348
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,441
Hello and welcome
to the third annual
349
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:40,357
Charlie Kirk Awardfor Young Masterdebaters.
350
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,231
More and more
young people today
351
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,059
are learning to fight
for America
352
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,495
through masterdebation.
353
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:51,151
We're here to honor the recent
efforts of a brave young man
354
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,544
who has been
furiously masterdebating
355
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,982
for the past several days
and has won himself
356
00:14:56,025 --> 00:15:00,116
not only this trophy, but also
an all expenses paid vacation
357
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,249
to a beautiful
five-star resort.
358
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,733
He has proven himself
the true champion.
359
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,171
Please welcome
the best young masterdebater
360
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,608
of our time, Clyde Donovan.
361
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:15,349
Clyde?
362
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,877
No! That's my trip
to a five-star resort!
363
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,357
Come on, Eric.
Let's go.
364
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:25,533
Thanks, everyone.
365
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,057
The Civil Rights Act
was a huge mistake.
366
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,930
And, I don't know, lesbians
are an abomination of God.
367
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,671
You all stole my schtick!
368
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,891
Clyde!
369
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:43,116
OK.
370
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,031
We got some
of your pay stubs in.
371
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,771
Let's see
how that nut's looking.
372
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,559
Well, seems you got
some bonuses
373
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,213
for rounding up
the most Mexicans.
374
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,388
Shh.
375
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,868
We don't round up Mexicans, OK?
376
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,959
We just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.
377
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:00,655
OK.
378
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,788
Well, after taxes
and with your bonuses,
379
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:06,487
it looks like you've got about
$10 grand a month to spend.
380
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,142
- Oh, I do?
- Yes.
381
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,666
And your nut's up to about
$12 grand a month.
382
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,015
What?
383
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,496
But my nut was only
$8 grand a week ago.
384
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,802
Right.
But you got a good-paying job.
385
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,543
You see,
as you make more money,
386
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,545
your nut actually gets bigger.
387
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,591
How is that possible?
388
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:24,331
It's all right.
389
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,810
If you can just get
a few more bonuses,
390
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,769
we can refinance the house,
divide that
391
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,814
by the number of Mexicans
you detained, and, of course,
392
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,295
compound any Costa Ricans
you might incur to the--
393
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:34,994
-Freeze!
-Nobody move!
394
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,606
Here he is over here.
395
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,261
Come on, Mackey.
Need to talk to you outside.
396
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,263
Talk to me?
About what?
397
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,439
What's this all about?
398
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,441
Congratulations, recruit.
399
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,791
I talked to the president
about your accomplishments,
400
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,880
and he says he wants
to help you with your nut.
401
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,100
Really?
He does?
402
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,188
That's right.
403
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:57,233
We have orders
to get you on a plane.
404
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:59,235
The President wants
to thank you personally.
405
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,758
Congratulations.
406
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,934
He's invited you to Mar-a-Lago.
407
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,285
Mar-a-Lago?
408
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:12,727
♪ ♪
409
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:21,823
Oh, wow.
410
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:29,396
♪
411
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,708
Relax! Take a load off!
412
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,493
Boss, the plane is here
413
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,756
from Immigration
and Customs Enforcement.
414
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,192
I know, stupid.
Let's go.
415
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:56,988
Hey, buddy.
416
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:58,816
Welcome to Mar-a-Lago.
417
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,993
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.
418
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,213
What is his fantasy, boss?
419
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,172
Will you get out of here?
420
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,436
Listen, buddy,
I want to offer you
421
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,828
an incredible opportunity.
422
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,613
How would you like to make
more money
423
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,267
than you ever thought possible?
424
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618
Well, I do have
a pretty huge nut.
425
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,533
Now, that's the kind
of talk I like.
426
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,839
Mar-a-Lago's for everyone
that's got a nut.
427
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,800
I'm giving you a promotion.
428
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:29,108
You'll have access to all
that Mar-a-Lago has to offer.
429
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:32,502
I want to make you the new face
of Homeland Security.
430
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,723
But, Mr. President,
I thought Kristi Noem
431
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:37,420
was the head
of Homeland Security.
432
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:39,727
Well, she was, but her face
freaks me out.
433
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:40,771
So what do you say?
434
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,166
Well, I do need
a high-paying job.
435
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,341
Excellent.
436
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,082
Now, let's take care
of that nut for you.
437
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,781
Hey, Satan.
438
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,783
Meet the new face
of Homeland Security.
439
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,003
Whoa!
Oh, my God.
440
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,091
I just want to go.
441
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,397
This place is gross.
442
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,312
Would you like me
to apply the baby oil
443
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,096
to Satan's asshole, boss?
444
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,447
OK, look, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.
445
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:07,189
I'm going to take
a little break here.
446
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,669
Hey, come on.
447
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:09,800
Relax, guy.
448
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,025
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
449
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,378
Backpack, backpack.
450
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,901
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer.
451
00:19:23,945 --> 00:19:24,772
Excuse me.
452
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,302
Clyde?
453
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:35,478
Not right now, sir.
454
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:36,479
I've kind of had enough.
455
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:41,136
What are you doing here...
young man?
456
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,051
Just trying
to make my nut, sir.
457
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,574
Didn't really want all this.
458
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,188
Oh, well, young man...
459
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:56,325
♪
460
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,936
I kind of know what
you're going through, mkay?
461
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,853
I know we all have
a lot of pressures
462
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:06,292
and we all want
nice things, mkay, but--
463
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,209
but if you're doing something
you don't really believe in
464
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,428
just to make your nut,
465
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,084
you're going to find
that you just get sadder
466
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,391
and your nut just gets bigger.
467
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:19,914
Mkay?
468
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:22,656
Yeah.
469
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,179
I guess you're right.
470
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:28,227
But...who are you?
471
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,582
I'm a goddamn counselor.
472
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,757
That's what I am.
473
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,586
This place isn't right
for either of us.
474
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,197
There's got to be someone
that can help get us out.
475
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:51,815
♪ ♪
476
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,081
All right.
Got him.
477
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,259
Hey, Kristi, what's going on?
478
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,130
Trying to replace me
479
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:04,219
as the face
of Homeland Security, huh?
480
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,090
Hey, relax, guy.
481
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,092
Who could replace
a face like that?
482
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,051
Think I can't handle myself
'cause I'm a lady
483
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,183
with good looks
that drive men wild?
484
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,289
Come on.
We're getting out of here.
485
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:32,334
You too, come on.
486
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:36,904
We got it.
We got it.
487
00:21:41,735 --> 00:21:43,345
Another job well done.
488
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:48,611
♪ Loo loo loo,
loo loo loo loo loo ♪
489
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:51,745
♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo ♪
490
00:22:04,540 --> 00:22:11,417
♪ ♪
35458
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