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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,788 --> 00:00:09,053 Narrator: Coming up, who 2 00:00:09,054 --> 00:00:10,453 tells murr to put a sock in it? 3 00:00:10,454 --> 00:00:11,787 I'm not gonna put up with it. 4 00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:12,853 What the... 5 00:00:12,854 --> 00:00:14,820 Narrator: What has q drinking 6 00:00:14,821 --> 00:00:15,821 on the job? 7 00:00:17,488 --> 00:00:18,354 I'm so hot! 8 00:00:18,355 --> 00:00:19,853 Narrator: And what's got Joe 9 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:20,954 all hot and bothered? 10 00:00:25,254 --> 00:00:26,720 A pretentious fact about 11 00:00:26,721 --> 00:00:28,420 us... we know nothing about art. 12 00:00:28,421 --> 00:00:29,853 Today, we'll take turns 13 00:00:29,854 --> 00:00:31,820 teaching an advanced art class. 14 00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:32,953 To add a splash of color, 15 00:00:32,954 --> 00:00:34,087 we'll have to do and say what 16 00:00:34,088 --> 00:00:35,021 the other guys tell us. 17 00:00:35,022 --> 00:00:36,053 If you refuse to do what 18 00:00:36,054 --> 00:00:37,620 you're told, you lose. 19 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,653 What's up with the hat, man? 20 00:00:39,654 --> 00:00:40,654 Arty. 21 00:00:45,121 --> 00:00:46,054 Hey, guys. How are you? 22 00:00:46,054 --> 00:00:46,788 Good. How are you? 23 00:00:46,788 --> 00:00:47,554 Nice to meet you. 24 00:00:47,554 --> 00:00:48,388 Grab an easel you feel 25 00:00:48,389 --> 00:00:49,753 comfortable at. 26 00:00:49,754 --> 00:00:51,087 You can paint the whole table, 27 00:00:51,088 --> 00:00:52,487 if you like, or if you like to 28 00:00:52,488 --> 00:00:53,853 pick one thing and concentrate 29 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,087 on it, that's just as well. 30 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,820 Let's begin. 31 00:00:56,821 --> 00:00:58,453 Go back to that girl there to 32 00:00:58,454 --> 00:00:59,154 the right. 33 00:00:59,155 --> 00:01:00,720 I do have a suggestion for 34 00:01:00,721 --> 00:01:01,254 you. 35 00:01:01,255 --> 00:01:02,420 That's good. 36 00:01:02,421 --> 00:01:04,253 I do have a suggestion. 37 00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:05,353 You know what would really 38 00:01:05,354 --> 00:01:06,154 help that painting... 39 00:01:06,155 --> 00:01:07,220 What would really help, I 40 00:01:07,221 --> 00:01:08,088 think, the painting... 41 00:01:08,088 --> 00:01:08,521 Yeah? 42 00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:10,388 Is a ninja. 43 00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,687 You have, uh... 44 00:01:13,688 --> 00:01:15,087 You have the background. 45 00:01:15,088 --> 00:01:16,587 That's gonna set a nice tone. 46 00:01:16,588 --> 00:01:17,920 As a matter of fact... 47 00:01:17,921 --> 00:01:19,221 Just a suggestion... 48 00:01:20,988 --> 00:01:22,353 Might be cool if you put, 49 00:01:22,354 --> 00:01:23,653 like, a... added a ninja in 50 00:01:23,654 --> 00:01:24,654 there. 51 00:01:25,788 --> 00:01:27,853 Sal, make the same suggestion 52 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:30,353 to the girl next to you. 53 00:01:30,354 --> 00:01:32,087 You know what would be a good 54 00:01:32,088 --> 00:01:33,088 idea? 55 00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:34,687 If, behind the roses on the 56 00:01:34,688 --> 00:01:36,788 table... 57 00:01:37,788 --> 00:01:39,754 maybe you drop a nin... 58 00:01:40,421 --> 00:01:41,853 maybe you drop a ninja in 59 00:01:41,854 --> 00:01:43,521 there. 60 00:01:45,421 --> 00:01:46,653 All right, go up to the woman 61 00:01:46,654 --> 00:01:47,521 in the gray sweater. 62 00:01:47,522 --> 00:01:48,553 Let me ask you a question. 63 00:01:48,554 --> 00:01:49,787 Let me ask you a question. 64 00:01:49,788 --> 00:01:50,953 You think I have a shot with 65 00:01:50,954 --> 00:01:52,453 "red pants" behind us? 66 00:01:52,454 --> 00:01:53,820 The room is so quiet. 67 00:01:53,821 --> 00:01:55,153 They can hear every 68 00:01:55,154 --> 00:01:59,553 conversation. 69 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:00,987 You think I got a shot with 70 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:01,988 red pants behind us? 71 00:02:03,554 --> 00:02:04,554 No. 72 00:02:06,088 --> 00:02:07,521 Are you talking about me? 73 00:02:10,821 --> 00:02:12,687 Sick art. 74 00:02:12,688 --> 00:02:13,588 "Sick art." 75 00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:15,120 Go up to the girl in red 76 00:02:15,121 --> 00:02:16,687 pants. 77 00:02:16,688 --> 00:02:17,753 I like that you went with 78 00:02:17,754 --> 00:02:18,088 blue. 79 00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:18,988 I just want a little 80 00:02:18,988 --> 00:02:19,421 contrast. 81 00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:19,821 Okay. 82 00:02:19,821 --> 00:02:20,788 Let me ask you a quick 83 00:02:20,788 --> 00:02:21,254 question. 84 00:02:21,254 --> 00:02:22,154 Let me ask you a quick 85 00:02:22,154 --> 00:02:22,588 question. 86 00:02:22,588 --> 00:02:23,088 Yeah? 87 00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:24,153 You think I got a shot with 88 00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:25,220 the girl in the gray sweater? 89 00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:26,221 Oh, my god. 90 00:02:27,621 --> 00:02:28,621 Do you... 91 00:02:28,921 --> 00:02:30,287 you think I got a shot with 92 00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:32,287 the girl in the gray sweater? 93 00:02:32,288 --> 00:02:33,520 She's got a couple rings on 94 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,121 her finger. 95 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,121 I don't know about it. 96 00:02:37,454 --> 00:02:38,687 Doing good so far, buddy. 97 00:02:38,688 --> 00:02:40,087 I'm gonna turn this up a notch. 98 00:02:40,088 --> 00:02:41,287 Go up to the woman up in the 99 00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:42,587 front with the black shirt on. 100 00:02:42,588 --> 00:02:43,920 Ask to borrow a paintbrush for a 101 00:02:43,921 --> 00:02:44,388 second. 102 00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:46,187 Can I show you something? 103 00:02:46,188 --> 00:02:47,620 Now paint a ninja. 104 00:02:47,621 --> 00:02:50,288 Oh, my god. 105 00:02:51,121 --> 00:02:52,553 Right on her canvass? 106 00:02:52,554 --> 00:02:53,953 Paint a ninja in the 107 00:02:53,954 --> 00:02:54,654 painting. 108 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,153 What I'd also want to do 109 00:02:56,154 --> 00:02:57,920 here... 110 00:02:57,921 --> 00:03:00,088 And god help us all... 111 00:03:01,288 --> 00:03:04,287 is... 112 00:03:04,288 --> 00:03:06,821 You want to add a ninja in here. 113 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,120 So, what you're gonna do is... 114 00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,520 Do it. Finish the ninja. 115 00:03:10,521 --> 00:03:12,087 You want to add this guy 116 00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:12,854 in. 117 00:03:12,855 --> 00:03:15,987 This is a ninja hiding behind 118 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:21,187 the fruit, waiting to pounce. 119 00:03:21,188 --> 00:03:22,988 And they carry swords. 120 00:03:26,954 --> 00:03:31,153 Okay. There you go. 121 00:03:31,154 --> 00:03:32,921 My god. 122 00:03:35,354 --> 00:03:37,353 See, I feel that murr is at a 123 00:03:37,354 --> 00:03:39,320 disadvantage right now because 124 00:03:39,321 --> 00:03:41,253 art is evoked from things like 125 00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:42,787 human emotion and human 126 00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:44,153 feelings. 127 00:03:44,154 --> 00:03:44,988 Do you know what feelings 128 00:03:44,988 --> 00:03:45,388 are, murr? 129 00:03:45,388 --> 00:03:46,288 Paint by 130 00:03:46,288 --> 00:03:47,288 numbers. 131 00:03:48,454 --> 00:03:49,687 Hi, everybody. How are you? 132 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,153 Murr, there's a paintbrush on 133 00:03:51,154 --> 00:03:51,988 that back table. 134 00:03:51,989 --> 00:03:53,153 Why don't you pick it up. 135 00:03:53,154 --> 00:03:54,587 Start hitting people's canvasses 136 00:03:54,588 --> 00:03:55,588 with it. 137 00:03:56,321 --> 00:03:58,553 There you go... the girl on the 138 00:03:58,554 --> 00:04:01,520 left. 139 00:04:01,521 --> 00:04:03,088 Ah! 140 00:04:07,521 --> 00:04:09,288 It's great. Yeah, keep it up. 141 00:04:11,988 --> 00:04:13,287 Oh, you're doing that big Rose 142 00:04:13,288 --> 00:04:13,688 there? 143 00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:14,987 All right, beat the hell out 144 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,287 of this thing like it owes you 145 00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:18,087 money. 146 00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:19,187 Beat the hell out of it. 147 00:04:19,188 --> 00:04:19,954 Do it, bro. 148 00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,353 The hard part of the Rose is 149 00:04:21,354 --> 00:04:22,487 trying to get the exact 150 00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:23,388 perspective right. 151 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:24,720 Obviously, yours looks almost 152 00:04:24,721 --> 00:04:25,554 one-dimensional. 153 00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:26,887 The hard part, though, is the 154 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:30,720 depth of the Rose. 155 00:04:30,721 --> 00:04:31,721 Beautiful. 156 00:04:35,588 --> 00:04:36,687 You got a lip balm in your 157 00:04:36,688 --> 00:04:37,488 pocket, right, bud? 158 00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:38,254 He always does. 159 00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:39,254 I won't lend him mine. 160 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:40,887 Take it out and just apply it 161 00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:41,454 to yourself. 162 00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:42,121 Help her. 163 00:04:42,122 --> 00:04:43,453 Don't stop applying your lip 164 00:04:43,454 --> 00:04:43,888 balm. 165 00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:44,921 The second Rose... 166 00:04:45,688 --> 00:04:46,887 Yeah, there it is. 167 00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:47,721 Oh, my god. 168 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,387 The girl behind you is flipping 169 00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:49,788 out. 170 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,920 Keep doing it. 171 00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:53,453 Something light, as if... 172 00:04:53,454 --> 00:04:55,153 Imagine, like, it's in, like, a 173 00:04:55,154 --> 00:04:56,653 country setting or something 174 00:04:56,654 --> 00:04:57,853 like that, you know? 175 00:04:57,854 --> 00:04:58,621 Her hand. 176 00:04:58,622 --> 00:05:00,287 She wants to say something so 177 00:05:00,288 --> 00:05:00,721 bad. 178 00:05:00,722 --> 00:05:02,253 Try a glass of wine, too. 179 00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:03,654 Great. Keep up the great work. 180 00:05:04,321 --> 00:05:05,787 You guys are doing a great job. 181 00:05:05,788 --> 00:05:07,087 And that's not just lip 182 00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:07,588 service. 183 00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:08,820 And that's not just lip 184 00:05:08,821 --> 00:05:09,821 service. 185 00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:13,820 She appreciates a bad joke. 186 00:05:13,821 --> 00:05:15,453 All right, murr, take out your 187 00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:17,087 phone and have an inappropriate 188 00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:18,453 phone call right in front of 189 00:05:18,454 --> 00:05:19,188 this class. 190 00:05:19,189 --> 00:05:20,353 I can't talk right now. 191 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,088 I'm teaching. 192 00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:22,420 Your girlfriend just decided 193 00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:23,388 to break up with you. 194 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,653 What do you mean it's not 195 00:05:24,654 --> 00:05:25,488 working out? 196 00:05:25,489 --> 00:05:27,153 So help me god, if you say 197 00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:27,821 Dalton... 198 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,420 So help me god, if you say 199 00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:31,220 Dalton... 200 00:05:31,221 --> 00:05:33,220 Is Dalton there with you? 201 00:05:33,221 --> 00:05:34,787 You put him on the damn 202 00:05:34,788 --> 00:05:35,754 phone right now. 203 00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:36,754 Let me talk to him. 204 00:05:36,755 --> 00:05:38,087 I got to get back to work. 205 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:38,521 No! 206 00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:38,988 No! 207 00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:39,454 No! 208 00:05:39,454 --> 00:05:39,921 No! 209 00:05:39,921 --> 00:05:40,388 No! 210 00:05:40,388 --> 00:05:40,854 No! 211 00:05:40,854 --> 00:05:41,321 No! 212 00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:41,788 No! 213 00:05:41,788 --> 00:05:42,221 No! 214 00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:42,721 No! 215 00:05:42,722 --> 00:05:43,987 No! You understand me? 216 00:05:43,988 --> 00:05:46,087 Don't touch my baseball cards. 217 00:05:46,088 --> 00:05:47,287 Just go, "hold on, hold on." 218 00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:48,154 Hold on, hold on. 219 00:05:48,155 --> 00:05:49,387 Turn around, be like, "does 220 00:05:49,388 --> 00:05:50,553 anybody need any more 221 00:05:50,554 --> 00:05:50,954 paint?" 222 00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:52,153 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 223 00:05:52,154 --> 00:05:53,287 Anyone need any more 224 00:05:53,288 --> 00:05:54,288 paint? 225 00:05:57,088 --> 00:05:57,954 My name's Joe. 226 00:05:57,955 --> 00:05:59,287 I'm your instructor today. 227 00:05:59,288 --> 00:06:00,753 Welcome to artevino. 228 00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:02,620 Art is the smartest of all 229 00:06:02,621 --> 00:06:04,088 the deadbeat careers. 230 00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:08,520 Guys, just remember... art is 231 00:06:08,521 --> 00:06:09,853 the smartest of all the deadbeat 232 00:06:09,854 --> 00:06:10,854 careers out there. 233 00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:16,520 Yeah, I'm a full-time artist. 234 00:06:16,521 --> 00:06:19,120 I'm a full-time artist. 235 00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:20,788 Straight-up deadbeat. 236 00:06:22,988 --> 00:06:24,153 Joe, keep censoring your own 237 00:06:24,154 --> 00:06:26,420 bad words. 238 00:06:26,421 --> 00:06:27,453 How long have I been 239 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:27,988 painting? 240 00:06:27,989 --> 00:06:29,120 I've been painting for two 241 00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:30,121 beeping years. 242 00:06:30,454 --> 00:06:31,487 That's how I met my... 243 00:06:31,488 --> 00:06:32,820 Beep of a beeping ex-girlfriend. 244 00:06:32,821 --> 00:06:34,420 She was a great beep, though. 245 00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:35,887 One hell of a beep, though. 246 00:06:35,888 --> 00:06:37,087 Keep going with it. 247 00:06:37,088 --> 00:06:38,088 Keep going with it. 248 00:06:40,821 --> 00:06:42,087 I caught her in the back sucking 249 00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:43,088 some guy's beep. 250 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,720 My grandmother was a great 251 00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:46,154 painter. 252 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,220 My grandmother was a great 253 00:06:47,221 --> 00:06:47,654 painter. 254 00:06:47,655 --> 00:06:48,820 She taught me three things... 255 00:06:48,821 --> 00:06:49,920 She taught me three things, 256 00:06:49,921 --> 00:06:50,721 really, about it... 257 00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:51,721 how to draw a tree... 258 00:06:51,721 --> 00:06:52,721 how to draw a tree... 259 00:06:52,722 --> 00:06:53,787 how to paint a man... 260 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:54,788 how to paint a man... 261 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:55,953 and how to please a woman. 262 00:06:55,954 --> 00:06:58,087 And how to... 263 00:06:58,088 --> 00:07:00,254 Your grandma taught you? 264 00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:02,554 It was... 265 00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:03,454 Grandma. 266 00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:05,087 Grandma. Escaping me. 267 00:07:05,088 --> 00:07:06,954 That third one's escaping me. 268 00:07:10,921 --> 00:07:13,553 Narrator: Coming up, has q 269 00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:14,920 he just grabbed the bottle 270 00:07:14,921 --> 00:07:15,721 and took a drink. 271 00:07:15,722 --> 00:07:17,153 No one told you to drink from 272 00:07:17,154 --> 00:07:18,320 the wine bottle, you jerk. 273 00:07:18,321 --> 00:07:19,653 No one told me not to. 274 00:07:19,654 --> 00:07:20,920 You don't talk to us. 275 00:07:20,921 --> 00:07:22,287 That just meant nothing to 276 00:07:22,288 --> 00:07:23,320 everyone in there. 277 00:07:23,321 --> 00:07:24,753 Who did you say that to? 278 00:07:24,754 --> 00:07:26,153 Who do they think you're 279 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,154 talking to? 280 00:07:29,121 --> 00:07:30,887 Q, power-walk to the guy in 281 00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:35,353 the back. 282 00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:37,420 Then say, "I must paint you 283 00:07:37,421 --> 00:07:38,188 nude." 284 00:07:38,189 --> 00:07:40,121 I must paint you nude. 285 00:07:43,221 --> 00:07:44,920 We'll schedule that after class. 286 00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:46,488 It's a whole different thing. 287 00:07:47,954 --> 00:07:49,520 Okay, grab that easel and 288 00:07:49,521 --> 00:07:50,853 show them how to paint. 289 00:07:50,854 --> 00:07:52,487 You are better off vomiting 290 00:07:52,488 --> 00:07:53,587 onto that canvass. 291 00:07:53,588 --> 00:07:55,087 It would look better than 292 00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:59,154 whatever you're gonna paint. 293 00:08:00,321 --> 00:08:02,487 Now, the thing to remember 294 00:08:02,488 --> 00:08:05,754 is... I'm a little color-blind. 295 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:14,088 The wine bottle over here. 296 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,887 Now here is my cat. 297 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:20,220 He's a black cat. 298 00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:21,820 Now, guys, this is available 299 00:08:21,821 --> 00:08:22,421 for sale. 300 00:08:22,422 --> 00:08:23,988 I'm in a tough spot right now. 301 00:08:26,554 --> 00:08:28,220 Now, guys, this is available 302 00:08:28,221 --> 00:08:29,887 for sale. 303 00:08:29,888 --> 00:08:31,487 I'm in a tough spot right now. 304 00:08:31,488 --> 00:08:32,853 Got evicted last week. 305 00:08:32,854 --> 00:08:34,320 I got evicted last week. 306 00:08:34,321 --> 00:08:35,487 Put your paint down. 307 00:08:35,488 --> 00:08:36,787 Take your hat off and start 308 00:08:36,788 --> 00:08:38,253 going table to table with your 309 00:08:38,254 --> 00:08:39,787 hat out in your hand and beg for 310 00:08:39,788 --> 00:08:40,221 money. 311 00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:42,454 Oh, my... 312 00:08:48,521 --> 00:08:50,087 This is humiliating. 313 00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:51,887 Dude, go to the girl in the 314 00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:55,154 front. 315 00:08:56,521 --> 00:09:00,120 Did you have any money? 316 00:09:00,121 --> 00:09:01,420 Okay, okay. 317 00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:04,620 He's begging. 318 00:09:04,621 --> 00:09:05,820 Sir, I don't know if you 319 00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,220 could, but I'm in a little rough 320 00:09:07,221 --> 00:09:07,588 spot. 321 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,588 I could... 322 00:09:11,121 --> 00:09:15,121 Thank you. 323 00:09:17,354 --> 00:09:18,887 Narrator: Joe painted himself 324 00:09:18,888 --> 00:09:20,320 into a corner and ended up on 325 00:09:20,321 --> 00:09:24,420 the loser board. 326 00:09:24,421 --> 00:09:25,587 What is art really? 327 00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:26,920 Well, art's subjective. 328 00:09:26,921 --> 00:09:28,487 Like, if I nail a hot dog to 329 00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:29,388 a wooden door... 330 00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:29,888 art. 331 00:09:29,889 --> 00:09:31,353 I'll buy it... 100 bucks. 332 00:09:31,354 --> 00:09:32,587 It's $200. I'm sorry. 333 00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:33,753 I'll give you $250. 334 00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:34,754 Done. 335 00:09:35,088 --> 00:09:36,453 Let's talk about the art of 336 00:09:36,454 --> 00:09:37,454 negotiation. 337 00:09:43,754 --> 00:09:44,953 Tonight, we're just hanging 338 00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,087 out at a bar, playing some 339 00:09:46,088 --> 00:09:46,388 darts. 340 00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:47,653 But each segment of the dart 341 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:48,787 board will have a ridiculous 342 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:49,588 task written on it. 343 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,753 Whatever stupid thing that 344 00:09:50,754 --> 00:09:52,820 your dart hits you have to do. 345 00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,087 If you can't complete the 346 00:09:54,088 --> 00:09:54,821 task, you lose. 347 00:09:54,822 --> 00:09:56,120 Narrator: It's a double down 348 00:09:56,121 --> 00:09:56,654 challenge. 349 00:09:56,655 --> 00:09:57,920 You guys don't know this, but 350 00:09:57,921 --> 00:09:59,120 I used to... I trained, when I 351 00:09:59,121 --> 00:10:00,353 was younger, to be a ninja, and 352 00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:01,587 I was good with throwing cards. 353 00:10:01,588 --> 00:10:02,654 I know that's not true. 354 00:10:04,088 --> 00:10:05,021 Joker's choice! 355 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:05,921 Joker's choice! 356 00:10:05,921 --> 00:10:06,621 All right. 357 00:10:06,622 --> 00:10:07,953 Whole board, whatever you 358 00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:08,354 want. 359 00:10:08,354 --> 00:10:09,321 All right. 360 00:10:09,322 --> 00:10:11,120 I guess I'll baby-talk a guy. 361 00:10:11,121 --> 00:10:12,820 Why didn't you pick $50? 362 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,620 Oh, I can pick the middle? 363 00:10:14,621 --> 00:10:16,354 Oh, wait! I change my mind! 364 00:10:17,188 --> 00:10:18,953 I didn't know I could pick the 365 00:10:18,954 --> 00:10:19,554 middle. 366 00:10:19,555 --> 00:10:21,320 I didn't know I could pick the 367 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,321 middle! 368 00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:25,387 Joey! 369 00:10:25,388 --> 00:10:27,120 Are you ready to go? 370 00:10:27,121 --> 00:10:28,320 Bottle of milk, 371 00:10:28,321 --> 00:10:28,754 please. 372 00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:30,254 Man, I think the most 373 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,453 important lesson that you could 374 00:10:31,454 --> 00:10:32,620 learn from this whole thing is 375 00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:33,887 that when you have a choice... 376 00:10:33,888 --> 00:10:35,187 Take $50. 377 00:10:35,188 --> 00:10:36,188 Take $50. 378 00:10:37,454 --> 00:10:39,153 How about this big, buff guy? 379 00:10:39,154 --> 00:10:40,553 This guy's 380 00:10:40,554 --> 00:10:42,654 perfect! 381 00:10:43,488 --> 00:10:45,087 The guy's a foot taller than 382 00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:46,088 you. 383 00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:49,487 Too tall, are 384 00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:50,754 you getting a drinky-winky? 385 00:10:52,221 --> 00:10:53,088 You drink beers? 386 00:10:53,088 --> 00:10:53,954 You drink beers. 387 00:10:53,955 --> 00:10:54,987 You sound like a 388 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:55,854 yoda/elmer fudd. 389 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:57,153 That's who you sound like, 390 00:10:57,154 --> 00:10:57,621 right? 391 00:10:57,622 --> 00:10:58,753 Yeah, it's bizarre. 392 00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:00,320 That's so good you drink the 393 00:11:00,321 --> 00:11:01,921 beers. 394 00:11:07,388 --> 00:11:09,153 You ever been here before? 395 00:11:09,154 --> 00:11:10,454 No. 396 00:11:13,321 --> 00:11:15,320 Do you like it? 397 00:11:15,321 --> 00:11:16,921 He likes it! 398 00:11:19,354 --> 00:11:20,853 That's a big pitcher. 399 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,387 You got a big pitcher. 400 00:11:22,388 --> 00:11:25,087 You got a big pitcher. 401 00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:27,188 Man of few words you are. 402 00:11:30,188 --> 00:11:33,187 Ready? 403 00:11:33,188 --> 00:11:35,220 Get your upper thigh rubbed! 404 00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:36,587 You got to get your upper 405 00:11:36,588 --> 00:11:37,321 thigh rubbed. 406 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,787 How am I supposed to get it 407 00:11:38,788 --> 00:11:39,321 rubbed? 408 00:11:39,322 --> 00:11:40,587 Now, q, I mean, that's up 409 00:11:40,588 --> 00:11:41,088 here. 410 00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:42,153 Upper thigh, buddy. 411 00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:43,587 Upper thigh, not your lower 412 00:11:43,588 --> 00:11:46,287 thigh. 413 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:47,920 What's up, bro? 414 00:11:47,921 --> 00:11:48,721 How you doing? 415 00:11:48,722 --> 00:11:49,888 Want to rub that thigh? 416 00:11:52,554 --> 00:11:55,921 He gave him the offer. 417 00:11:56,688 --> 00:11:57,521 What are you? 418 00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:58,554 A construction worker? 419 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,853 He thinks he's got something 420 00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:06,087 on his thigh. 421 00:12:06,088 --> 00:12:07,753 My thigh. 422 00:12:07,754 --> 00:12:09,787 My thigh, yeah? 423 00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:11,088 Nice, right? 424 00:12:12,388 --> 00:12:15,821 Want to get a rub on that? 425 00:12:18,188 --> 00:12:21,087 This... 426 00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,720 Listen, this thigh-rubbing offer 427 00:12:22,721 --> 00:12:24,154 ain't gonna stand all day. 428 00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:26,587 Get in there. Get in there. 429 00:12:26,588 --> 00:12:28,487 Last guy who rubbed my thigh won 430 00:12:28,488 --> 00:12:32,087 the powerball. 431 00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:35,553 Yeah. Hey! All right! 432 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,253 Yeah! Just two dudes rubbing 433 00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:38,287 thighs in bars. 434 00:12:38,288 --> 00:12:39,088 That's all. 435 00:12:39,089 --> 00:12:40,787 He picked the guy who was 436 00:12:40,788 --> 00:12:42,521 ready to play ball... Literally. 437 00:12:44,488 --> 00:12:45,787 Is there any chance that dart 438 00:12:45,788 --> 00:12:47,087 can be thrown, make a u-turn, 439 00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:48,420 come back, and stab you in the 440 00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:49,421 chest? 441 00:12:52,754 --> 00:12:55,287 All: Oh! 442 00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:59,353 Sock in your mouth! 443 00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,788 Murr, where are you? 444 00:13:03,721 --> 00:13:05,553 Here, we see the murr in his 445 00:13:05,554 --> 00:13:10,087 natural habitat. 446 00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:12,120 I'm having a bad day, man. 447 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:13,153 I'm supposed to meet my girl 448 00:13:13,154 --> 00:13:13,654 here, right? 449 00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:14,554 We're gonna have drinks. 450 00:13:14,554 --> 00:13:15,254 She calls me up. 451 00:13:15,255 --> 00:13:16,953 She says, "I don't want to see 452 00:13:16,954 --> 00:13:18,787 you anymore because I think your 453 00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:21,253 feet look weird." 454 00:13:21,254 --> 00:13:22,287 That my feet look weird. 455 00:13:22,288 --> 00:13:23,453 I've never heard that in my 456 00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:26,320 life. 457 00:13:26,321 --> 00:13:27,321 See? 458 00:13:28,088 --> 00:13:29,720 But it looks fine. 459 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,987 Like, take a look, right? 460 00:13:31,988 --> 00:13:33,453 Your foot looks worse? 461 00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:34,288 Let me see. 462 00:13:34,289 --> 00:13:36,320 Oh. 463 00:13:36,321 --> 00:13:37,687 Let me see one real quick. 464 00:13:37,688 --> 00:13:39,120 I just want to see real quick. 465 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:40,421 He gets people to do this 466 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:41,721 it's unreal. 467 00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:43,087 I'll hold this for you. 468 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:43,854 Aah! Aah! 469 00:13:43,855 --> 00:13:45,520 That looks totally fine, man. 470 00:13:45,521 --> 00:13:47,520 That looks completely fine. 471 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:48,920 It looks completely fine. 472 00:13:48,921 --> 00:13:50,087 I'm gonna tell her... 473 00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:51,520 We're moments away from 474 00:13:51,521 --> 00:13:52,154 insertion. 475 00:13:52,154 --> 00:13:53,154 I feel like prom night. 476 00:13:59,188 --> 00:14:00,188 Real quick. 477 00:14:00,188 --> 00:14:00,954 I just want to see real quick. 478 00:14:00,954 --> 00:14:01,688 No, he doesn't! 479 00:14:01,688 --> 00:14:02,454 No, he doesn't! 480 00:14:02,454 --> 00:14:03,221 Don't do it. 481 00:14:03,221 --> 00:14:04,121 Please don't do it. 482 00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:06,320 I am not gonna put up with it 483 00:14:06,321 --> 00:14:07,088 at all. 484 00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:09,121 I'm not gonna put up with it. 485 00:14:12,088 --> 00:14:13,088 You like that? 486 00:14:13,089 --> 00:14:14,353 Is that good for you, man? 487 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,187 What the 488 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,188 oh! 489 00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:21,453 I'm just really emotional. 490 00:14:21,454 --> 00:14:23,353 Was that the taste of victory 491 00:14:23,354 --> 00:14:24,788 or the taste of de-feet? 492 00:14:29,188 --> 00:14:32,853 Dart time. 493 00:14:32,854 --> 00:14:33,854 Oh! 494 00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:35,653 "Royal kiss" a dude's hand. 495 00:14:35,654 --> 00:14:36,853 You know what that is. 496 00:14:36,854 --> 00:14:37,721 That this? 497 00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:38,588 That's this. 498 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:39,521 Is that that? 499 00:14:39,522 --> 00:14:40,888 "Bro, kiss my hand." 500 00:14:41,654 --> 00:14:43,320 All right. I bid you adieu. 501 00:14:43,321 --> 00:14:44,453 Welcome, sire. 502 00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:45,553 Oh, look at him. 503 00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,853 Royal-kissing dudes's hands. 504 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,387 How does his hair look so 505 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,087 neat and in place, and then the 506 00:14:51,088 --> 00:14:52,853 second you get here, it's like a 507 00:14:52,854 --> 00:14:53,654 car accident? 508 00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:55,320 Sal, you're like Don draper up 509 00:14:55,321 --> 00:14:57,087 top and elephant man down below 510 00:14:57,088 --> 00:14:58,420 with, like, the two hair 511 00:14:58,421 --> 00:15:01,187 differences going on. 512 00:15:01,188 --> 00:15:02,553 I'm afraid someone's gonna 513 00:15:02,554 --> 00:15:03,887 punch me in the face. 514 00:15:03,888 --> 00:15:09,620 There's a guy to your left. 515 00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:10,154 Oops. 516 00:15:10,155 --> 00:15:11,287 Sorry. 517 00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:12,354 Thank you. 518 00:15:15,654 --> 00:15:17,087 I didn't mean to do that, 519 00:15:17,088 --> 00:15:17,354 man. 520 00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:18,288 Crazy. But thanks. 521 00:15:18,289 --> 00:15:19,620 Thanks for picking that up for 522 00:15:19,621 --> 00:15:19,988 me. 523 00:15:19,989 --> 00:15:22,087 I appreciate that. Okay. 524 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:22,588 Cheers. 525 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,853 That wasn't royal. 526 00:15:23,854 --> 00:15:25,621 That don't count. 527 00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:28,187 Remember, this is a royal 528 00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:29,987 hand kiss, not just kissing the 529 00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:30,554 hand. 530 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,321 I don't know why I did that. 531 00:15:33,288 --> 00:15:34,753 I was so in a tizzy. 532 00:15:34,754 --> 00:15:35,588 I just... 533 00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:37,421 He just wiped his hand. 534 00:15:38,488 --> 00:15:40,088 "That was weird." 535 00:15:41,088 --> 00:15:43,587 Narrator: Sal couldn't score 536 00:15:43,588 --> 00:15:45,253 a win, so he's tonight's big 537 00:15:45,254 --> 00:15:45,888 loser. 538 00:15:45,889 --> 00:15:47,753 Sal's our loser and, also, a 539 00:15:47,754 --> 00:15:49,653 particularly stressed-out little 540 00:15:49,654 --> 00:15:50,088 man. 541 00:15:50,089 --> 00:15:51,153 So we've created a 542 00:15:51,154 --> 00:15:52,687 presentation that you have to go 543 00:15:52,688 --> 00:15:54,187 in there and deliver, teaching 544 00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:55,487 people how not to sweat the 545 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,154 small things. 546 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,487 'Cause if there's one thing 547 00:15:57,488 --> 00:15:58,787 you do really well, my friend, 548 00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,253 it is sweating the small things. 549 00:16:00,254 --> 00:16:01,387 I'm sweating already. 550 00:16:01,388 --> 00:16:02,388 I know. 551 00:16:02,554 --> 00:16:03,853 Hey, everyone. How are you? 552 00:16:03,854 --> 00:16:05,220 I don't know how we could do 553 00:16:05,221 --> 00:16:06,253 anything worse. 554 00:16:06,254 --> 00:16:07,953 So, today's seminar, of 555 00:16:07,954 --> 00:16:09,753 course, and you guys know is 556 00:16:09,754 --> 00:16:11,087 "don't sweat the small things: 557 00:16:11,088 --> 00:16:12,088 How to create a stress-free 558 00:16:12,088 --> 00:16:12,488 life." 559 00:16:12,489 --> 00:16:13,720 He's the most stressed out of 560 00:16:13,721 --> 00:16:14,288 all of us. 561 00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:15,487 He lives the most stressed 562 00:16:15,488 --> 00:16:16,088 life ever. 563 00:16:16,088 --> 00:16:16,821 Let's begin. 564 00:16:16,822 --> 00:16:18,387 Lots of people are worried about 565 00:16:18,388 --> 00:16:19,720 threats to their health, like 566 00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:20,820 cancer and diabetes. 567 00:16:20,821 --> 00:16:22,520 They should be worried, instead, 568 00:16:22,521 --> 00:16:24,120 about the silent killer, which 569 00:16:24,121 --> 00:16:25,153 is stress, right. 570 00:16:25,154 --> 00:16:26,488 I'm actually nervous. 571 00:16:27,121 --> 00:16:28,320 You don't have control over 572 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,387 the amount of stress you 573 00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:30,687 encounter in the outside world, 574 00:16:30,688 --> 00:16:31,920 but there's one place that you 575 00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:33,787 can control... 576 00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:34,788 Your home. 577 00:16:35,754 --> 00:16:36,521 Okay. 578 00:16:36,522 --> 00:16:38,620 That is sal's house. 579 00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:41,253 We know where sal hides his 580 00:16:41,254 --> 00:16:41,921 key. 581 00:16:41,922 --> 00:16:43,621 It's right there. 582 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,088 Come on in, guys. 583 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,587 Let's see what's going on in 584 00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:51,387 sal's house. 585 00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:52,820 Now he knows that we're in his 586 00:16:52,821 --> 00:16:53,321 house. 587 00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:54,321 In his house. 588 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,520 Moving on... 589 00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:06,221 Consider a pet. 590 00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:19,688 That's my cat in sal's bed. 591 00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:31,088 He's in shock. 592 00:17:32,154 --> 00:17:32,954 Let's move on. 593 00:17:32,954 --> 00:17:33,654 Eat right. 594 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:35,253 If you're in a hurry, make sure 595 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,788 to grab some breakfast. 596 00:17:37,721 --> 00:17:38,721 Sal's milk. 597 00:17:38,722 --> 00:17:39,954 That's sal's. 598 00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:42,853 That's still at sal's house. 599 00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,088 That's sal's peanut butter. 600 00:17:47,888 --> 00:17:49,587 Wait for it. Wait for it. 601 00:17:49,588 --> 00:17:51,587 And it goes... Right back in the 602 00:17:51,588 --> 00:17:53,088 jar of peanut butter! 603 00:17:53,721 --> 00:17:54,688 Look at this guy. 604 00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:56,087 He's like, "that peanut butter 605 00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:57,088 was violated." 606 00:17:57,654 --> 00:17:59,320 Don't stress about germs. 607 00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:00,088 Oh, god. 608 00:18:00,089 --> 00:18:01,720 Now, I used to live life as, 609 00:18:01,721 --> 00:18:03,353 like, a germophobe, really. 610 00:18:03,354 --> 00:18:04,188 Used to? 611 00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:05,787 What's this "used to," sal? 612 00:18:05,788 --> 00:18:07,253 I don't like touching 613 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,787 handles, public restrooms, 614 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:09,820 things like that. 615 00:18:09,821 --> 00:18:11,621 I'm so sick. 616 00:18:13,454 --> 00:18:16,720 That's sal's couch. 617 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:17,454 Here you go. 618 00:18:17,455 --> 00:18:18,853 Just shove that right between 619 00:18:18,854 --> 00:18:19,621 the cushions. 620 00:18:19,622 --> 00:18:20,987 That tissue is still in your 621 00:18:20,988 --> 00:18:21,988 couch. 622 00:18:23,154 --> 00:18:25,721 I'm so hot! Oh, god! 623 00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,453 Oh, it's getting more 624 00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:32,454 comfortable. 625 00:18:39,888 --> 00:18:42,953 Oh, my god. 626 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:47,320 Oh! Oh! 627 00:18:47,321 --> 00:18:50,387 Oh, he didn't wash his hands! 628 00:18:50,388 --> 00:18:51,088 Oh! 629 00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:53,388 That's your toothbrush. 630 00:18:55,754 --> 00:18:56,721 And there it is. 631 00:18:56,722 --> 00:18:58,120 I thought that one would get 632 00:18:58,121 --> 00:18:58,454 you. 633 00:18:58,455 --> 00:18:59,687 You want to make sure to 634 00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:01,187 maintain proper hygiene, which 635 00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:02,553 is why I don't go into public 636 00:19:02,554 --> 00:19:04,087 restrooms, which is why I always 637 00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:05,587 thought that my private bathroom 638 00:19:05,588 --> 00:19:06,588 was safe. 639 00:19:08,888 --> 00:19:09,321 Okay. 640 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,687 Get to know your neighbors. 641 00:19:10,688 --> 00:19:12,087 A sense of community can make 642 00:19:12,088 --> 00:19:13,121 all the difference. 643 00:19:19,354 --> 00:19:20,920 "Be friendly with the 644 00:19:20,921 --> 00:19:21,821 neighbors." 645 00:19:21,822 --> 00:19:22,987 "Be friendly." 646 00:19:22,988 --> 00:19:25,720 Oh! 647 00:19:25,721 --> 00:19:26,454 Oh! 648 00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:28,454 Hi, neighbors. 649 00:19:29,754 --> 00:19:30,554 Oh! 650 00:19:30,555 --> 00:19:32,087 Hi, neighbors. 651 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:36,187 Hello, neighbors. 652 00:19:36,188 --> 00:19:37,721 Stress... 653 00:19:39,821 --> 00:19:40,853 Oh, god. 654 00:19:40,854 --> 00:19:43,220 All right, I have to move 655 00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:46,087 because there's no doubt I have 656 00:19:46,088 --> 00:19:47,920 probably hepatitis "a" through 657 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:48,388 zed. 658 00:19:48,389 --> 00:19:50,321 Thank you. Thank you very much. 659 00:19:52,121 --> 00:19:53,487 Please tell me that wasn't my 660 00:19:53,488 --> 00:19:54,654 real toothbrush, please. 661 00:19:55,321 --> 00:19:56,720 What is wrong with you people? 662 00:19:56,721 --> 00:19:57,488 Don't lose. 663 00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,321 My neighbors. 664 00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,687 Stop losing and stop going 665 00:19:59,688 --> 00:20:00,987 away for three or four days. 666 00:20:00,988 --> 00:20:02,253 You went while I was on 667 00:20:02,254 --> 00:20:03,254 vacation?! 668 00:20:03,521 --> 00:20:05,453 How'd you get into my house? 669 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,553 Which one of my family members 670 00:20:06,554 --> 00:20:06,921 did it? 671 00:20:06,922 --> 00:20:07,953 We're not saying a word. 672 00:20:07,954 --> 00:20:08,888 The person you'd least 673 00:20:08,889 --> 00:20:09,987 suspect, though, I promise you 674 00:20:09,988 --> 00:20:10,321 that. 675 00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:11,321 My mother? 676 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,541 Did you take your shoes off? 677 00:20:12,988 --> 00:20:14,020 I took more than my shoes 678 00:20:14,021 --> 00:20:15,921 off. 37677

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