Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up...

Oh, my god!

Narrator: How did this joker

end up as a human piñata?

Ohh-ho-ho!

Narrator: Why is Joe acting

like such a pig?

Well, I ate 3 pounds of pork

while I was looking at you

earlier.

Narrator: Plus, can the guys

handle the most explosive

challenge yet?

Put it in the water.

Put it in the water!

It's a joker showdown...

Q versus murr.

Today, we're gonna be

competing head-to-head, pitching

our brand-new inventions to

focus groups.

The catch is, our inventions

have been created by the other

two guys.

The goal is to convince the

group that our invention is the

better of the two.

At the end, we'll ask, by

show of hands, which invention

they liked best.

Whoever gets the least amount

of hands loses.

That'll be him.

What?

That'll be you.

Here we go, q.

You and me.

Oh, good luck, man.

Because I'm gonna crush you like

an ant.

Good luck, guys.

To the winner goes the spoils.

There's spoils?

Oh!

Hello. How are you?

How are you?

Nice to meet you.

Come on in. Have a seat.

Hello. Please, have a seat.

Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you joining us.

My name's James.

Hello. I'm Brian.

What we do is, we show you

sample products.

We're the inventors of the

said products.

Let's get started.

Okay.

Gentlemen first.

Uh, okay.

I have, uh...

That's right... waterproof

bread.

Have you ever been in the

rain?

Have you ever been hungry?

You're welcome.

This product...

Uh, it's a pregnancy test.

Self-destructing pregnancy

tests.

This is a self-destructing

pregnancy test.

There's no way Murray's

winning it.

Tell us about the

self-destructing pregnancy test.

Q's egging him on.

It... it destroys itself,

whether the results are positive

or negative.

10 seconds after you take the

pregnancy test, it does explode.

Remember, don't piss on the

wick.

What is the point?

The reason it explodes is

that pregnancy is a matter

between you and your partner.

And it's no one else's business.

So, it explodes to destroy the

evidence.

We have a demo video.

Apparently, I've got a demo

video to show you.

Let's take a look.

And that's it.

You start with a bang, and it

ends with a bang.

Here are the two products

that are before you... something

that can explode genitalia or

something that you could

delightfully in the rain.

I'm so glad that you asked this

question.

There is a plant in Canada

called the Canadian Ivy leaf

that is known for its waterproof

properties.

Water just...

There's no joke.

So, what we've done is cook

it into the bread, and the water

just rolls off, like off a

duck's back.

Baby steps.

He could've just said yes!

Yes.

Have you ever had a sandwich in

a hot tub?

She's like, "all right."

You know what it was for me?

It's no one's business except

mine and my girlfriend's, and

that's why I designed this

self-destructing pregnancy test.

Go ahead, murr, light it up.

There's a lighter.

Light it up.

Wait. What?

We're... we're really gonna do

this?

So, it's not self-destructing if

there's a fuse.

So, you've got approximately

10 seconds.

You pee on it very fast, you

wait...

You pee and it's lit!

And at that point, right

around now, the test results are

coming up.

Right around now.

I don't know if that...

at this point, you celebrate

briefly.

Put it in the water.

And right before...

put it in the water!

You throw it before it

explodes.

Okay?

You guys saw all that, right?

You guys saw all that?

Yeah.

Check out how this works.

This is a demo model, of course.

Does that look waterproof to

you?

All right?

Well, let's take a vote.

Let's take a vote real quick.

Let's just take a vote.

You tell me how waterproof

this bread is.

That does not have Canadian

Ivy leaf infusion.

By show of hands, how many of

you would bring the

self-destructing pregnancy test

to market.

Raise 'em high!

Two.

Should we bring the waterproof

bread to market instead of the

explosions in your vagina?

Please put your hands high.

Oh!

Oh, well...

Three to two.

Ha ha ha.

Well, hey...

Well played, buddy.

Well played.

Q knows what he's doing.

Narrator: Q is the best thing

since sliced bread, putting murr

on the loser board.

I want to invent something.

I mean, the four of us, if we

came up with something, I feel

like no one would buy it.

Your best inventions come out

of necessity.

They see a need for something

that's not in the marketplace.

So, what do the four of us

need?

My bedroom gets cold at

night.

I need something to keep me

warm.

Oh, that's called a wife.

They made that already.

We're out and about asking

strangers for hugs of

forgiveness.

What did we do wrong?

We don't know.

The other guys will tell us

what we need to apologize for.

If you can't get a hug of

forgiveness, you lose.

I'm sorry, man.

For what?

That.

For him?

Yeah.

I'd never forgive you for

that.

Here he goes. He's in.

He's got his phone out.

He's not doing anything.

He's texting.

He's got the big finger.

Pushing the buttons.

It's not doing anything, man.

Get to it.

I got to apologize.

I'm sorry?

I got to apologize.

For what? I'm sorry.

I introduce myself as your

husband quite often.

I... I...

I introduce myself as your

husband quite often.

Okay. Can you explain?

Can I explain? Okay.

Go ahead, buddy.

Go ahead... explain.

For instance, like, a lot of

times, I'll see someone, i'm

talking to a friend, and then I

say, "you see her over there?"

Mm-hmm.

"That's my... that's my

wife."

There's no way she's hugging

him.

I've said that I'm your

husband a few times, and...

What do people say to that?

They're like, "oh, that's

lovely.

How did you guys meet?"

And then I go on about how we

met, I guess.

How did we meet?

How did we meet? All right.

Uh...

I walked myself into that one.

We met at a, uh... Fundraiser.

Okay.

In '89.

I wasn't born in '89.

You weren't born yet in '89.

All right.

And I let everyone know that we

have a great marriage.

Your parents and I have to work

out our relationship, though.

Yeah, especially they don't

know you.

They don't...

But I do apologize for doing

that.

Do you accept my apology?

I do accept your apology.

She might hug him.

He's looking too good.

Hold on a second, guys.

I got this. I got this.

Sal, hey, buddy.

Hey, what's up, q?

I finally get to meet your

wife!

Hey, after all this time.

How are you?

Oh, it's so nice to finally meet

you.

We didn't even believe you

existed.

Um...

We're not...

We're not, uh...

We just met today.

We just met today.

We're not really married.

He pointed you out last week.

I know.

I feel really weird right now.

Well, it was nice meeting

you.

He talks about you a lot.

It sounded like you guys were

together.

Oh, you son of a bitch.

It's my fault.

That's why I apologize.

Got to get the hug.

Can we hug it out, just so I

know that you accept my apology?

No way.

Here it is!

Okay.

No, and this is nothing

personal.

That's the reaction most

women have to you, buddy.

All right.

Fellas, I got this one

figured out.

I've got a foolproof plan to get

a hug.

Do you go to the bathroom

without announcing that you have

a foolproof plan first?

Listen to me.

'Cause every time you get up

to do something, it's always

with a foolproof plan.

The way you get a hug is by

surprising people.

Before someone has time to think

about what's happening, they're

gonna be hugging me.

You have to get the hug after

you apologize.

I'm gonna apologize.

Watch what happens.

Ready?

Yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready.

Watch and learn, gentlemen.

Watching and learning.

Watching and learning.

Here I go.

I got to... I got to apologize

real fast.

I got to apologize to you.

Oh, I just have to apologize.

Okay.

I didn't even get a chance to

say anything!

That was not part of the

plan.

Do you know what "foolproof"

means?

That didn't work, huh?

Hoo!

I tell you, this weather... take

this weather any day of the

week.

I... I should apologize, though.

I just ate three pounds of

pork while staring at you.

Uh...

Well, I ate three pounds of pork

while I was looking at you

earlier.

I ate three pounds of pork while

I was watching you earlier.

'Cause I was hungry.

Not one pound.

Not one pound.

Not two pounds.

Not two pounds.

Three pounds of pork.

Never told that before by

someone?

Well, there's something about

you just wanted me to shovel in

three pounds of pork.

It was interesting 'cause I

wasn't even interested in the

pork before I saw you.

I'm really sorry for

pork-watching you.

Anyway, I apologize.

Do you forgive me?

You forgive me. Great.

Do you mind if I get a hug for

forgiveness?

It's gonna help me compress the

three pounds of pork that are in

my gullet.

Oh!

Ah!

Are you sure?

I'm gonna go get three pounds

lighter.

Take care, bud.

Turn to your right.

Go do the couple right there

to your right.

Go for it.

You guys playing cards?

I'm actually glad I ran into you

guys 'cause I owe you an

apology.

I've been mentally undressing

you, my man.

"I've been mentally

undressing you, my man."

Yep.

This is what's been going on.

I have been...

I've been... Mentally undressi...

I've been mentally undressing

you... my man.

Yeah.

I'm doing it right now.

Doing it right now.

Uh-huh.

So, I owe you an apology,

because that's not a good way to

behave.

Uh-huh.

You know, wandering the park,

mentally undressing dudes.

Yeah.

And I should apologize to

you, ma'am.

Oh, I guess it's not even

over yet.

And I should apologize to you,

ma'am.

I've been mentally dressing

you.

Because I've been mentally

dressing you with the clothes

I've taken off him.

Oh.

Yeah. She's overdressed,

you're underdressed.

So, you guys forgive me?

Ha!

Okay.

She wants a stronger apology.

I should've never mentally

undressed you with my eyes.

Uh-huh.

I should've never mentally

dressed you with my eyes.

And I'm sorry for that.

It seems sincere.

I think the only way that i'm

gonna be able to move on and all

of us can move past this...

Is just a quick group hug.

What?

Come on, come on.

Oh!

Oh, you brought your "a"

game, man.

Have a good day, guys.

Narrator: Sal, Joe, and murr

have to settle for a group hug

on the loser board.

When did it become so

acceptable for men to hug?

When did that happen?

Like, remember the old west,

when men were men and they were

shooting each other?

Like, after the o.K. Corral,

they weren't like, "come on,

guys.

Let's hug it out, yeah."

I've hugged my whole life.

Italian.

Italian.

Oh, now I'm Italian!

Today, we are running around

the mall asking shoppers, "have

you seen my wife?"

Side note... none of us have

wives.

The other guys will be

providing outrageous

descriptions of this imaginary

woman on these cue cards.

If you can't get someone to

say they've seen your wife, you

lose.

It's a joker versus joker

challenge!

Oh!

I'm gonna fine me a wife!

How about that one?

What's up?

He's in.

Okay.

I don't know where she went.

Excuse me.

Could you help me?

I lost my wife.

Any chance you might have seen

her?

You came from that way?

She's bleeding.

I just want to find her before

she bleeds out.

She was on a pogo stick going

half speed.

How does a pogo stick even go

half speed?

So she wasn't gonna zip by

you.

You would've seen her 'cause she

was going half speed.

She played the villain in

"taken."

Did you "taken," with

Liam neeson?

She was the villain.

Did you see anything that looked

like her?

See anybody hopping around?

Trail of blood?

All right.

No wonder why she's bleeding.

Liam neeson came and kicked her

ass.

All right, sal, try for this

guy right next to you.

Hey, guys, I'm looking for my

wife.

She doesn't have her phone on

her.

I can't find her.

She has a red dress, blond hair.

She knows her way around a

urinal, this lady...

Which is to say that she

installs bathroom equipment for

a living.

Maybe she was by the bathrooms.

She's... she's the only human

with tusks?

It's easy to spot her.

Her whole life was a roll of the

dice, this one.

Really.

Ever since she was young, she's

just been playing the odds.

And we found each other through

no luck... stroke of luck.

You know what I mean?

What?

And I don't know what i'm

saying right now, tell you

truth, myself.

She has tusks is what i'm

saying, and everything she does

is like a roll of the dice.

Have you seen anyone like her at

all?

Oh, you got him!

Oh.

That is her.

That is her. Thank you, guys.

Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Trudy, Trudy!

Narrator: Coming up, Joe

tries to find his wife.

Who's he talking to?

Now you're just standing

there talking to no one.

Well, who loses their wife?

Excuse me.

I lost my wife.

Did you see a woman...

She was about...

She's about your height,

brunette?

Her cellphone's dead.

I can't get in touch with her.

She, uh...

You couldn't miss her.

She was wearing a bear rug.

She was chilly this morning.

Um...

All three nipples were showing

through the...

But she was all right with it.

You couldn't miss her for days.

Did you see my wife in a bear

rug?

Yeah, she had a bear rug on.

I can't find her.

New ones, new ones for her.

I said it was kind of hot for

the bear rug.

I told her at home not to wear

it.

She has, uh...

She had, like, a three o'clock

shadow going.

Not a five.

Not a full five.

Like a three o'clock shadow.

She has a tattoo of a Caesar

salad.

It pokes out right up top.

You've never seen her?

Oh, thank you so much.

She's wearing a house-arrest

bracelet.

She looks defeated.

She... mm.

Her body looks like a trash bag

filled with mango pulp.

Oh, my...

mango pulp!

But, like, a hot version of

that, if you can imagine,

because she is my wife, and I

love her to pieces.

Smoking hot bag of mango pulp.

But she had the bear rug on.

You couldn't miss her.

I don't take medication.

She doesn't, either.

Nothing?

Doesn't ring a bell at all?

No?

If you see her, tell her Joe's

looking for her.

You guys are ruthless.

Narrator: Joe got left at the

altar, so he's tied with murr as

tonight's big loser.

But only one's gonna get

punished.

Joe's a huge loser, so we're

here to hugely punish him.

Together: Well...

Maybe not.

Maybe it's Murray that's the

huge loser.

It might be you.

No, no, no, no!

It's really sinking in right

now.

It's the old switcheroo!

No! No way!

Murray will be dressed like a

human piñata...

No!

Airlifted on a crane and

beaten the crap out of by

children!

Till candy explodes.

This is a bad precedent,

gentlemen.

All right, buddy!

Buddy, how you feel?

Don't want to do this.

Yes! Yes!

This is not funny!

Holy

oh, my god!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

This is ter...

Stop! Stop lifting me up!

Release the children!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god! No!

No, the... no!

Get away! Get away!

You guys excited?

No, no!

Get him!

Get him!

Aah! Aah! Stop it!

Get away from me!

This...

Ow! Stop it!

Yeah, hit him, hit him!

Come on!

I don't think it's working.

Yeah, take a break, guys.

Take a break, guys.

You little bastards.

Hey, can we end this?

The kids can't do it.

We'll help them out a little

bit.

We're gonna help them out.

We're gonna help them out.

No! No! No!

Ferret!

Ferret! Ferret! Ferret!

Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop!

Stop!

You loser!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, stop.

Oh, my god, stop.

Help!

No!

We can't get that candy.

We can't get that candy.

Get the candy out so

we can end this!

I don't think we're strong

enough.

I know, I know.

I tried mymy hardest.

I think we need a designated

hitter.

Yeah.

What's going on?

Let's bring him in!

What? Who?

Who?

You wait until I get down.

Who wanted to have a talk with

Murray after that little video

he made with her.

That is my sister.

That's Joe's sister.

It was just a joke.

It was just a joke.

Oh, my god!

I deserved that.

Now put the bat down.

You should respect marriage a

little bit more.

Ohh!

That bat's broken.

Give me another bat.

No, no!

Candy!

So, am I getting down now?

Aah! No! No!

No, no, no, no!

Hey, kids, who wants ice

cream?!

Come on! Let's go! Yeah!

You guys, that's not funny.

It's not funny!

Joe!

Come on, kids!

Come on, everybody!

Q!