Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up...

Go. Go.

Say it. Say it.

Say it right now.

Narrator: Will the guys

force q to steal a kiss?

Can I get some of that

action?

Narrator: What happens when

Joe drops a number 2?

Hey!

Ah, you're caught!

Ohh!

Narrator: And what's got sal

talking trash?

I will never forgive you!

We're at compare foods in

Brooklyn, trying to sneak as

many pencils as we can onto

unsuspecting shoppers.

Pockets, bags, hats... I

don't care if you put it in

their hair, as long as you get

it on them.

But the shopper must keep all

your pencils in order for your

score to count.

Whoever puts the most pencils

on a stranger wins, and

everybody else loses.

So, it's like pickpocketing.

It's more like

"putspocketing."

Hey, murr.

The three of us are wearing

"staten island" t-shirts.

Staten island.

Three of you do it... it's,

suddenly, I'm the odd man out.

Not suddenly.

Suddenly?

It's been that way for

decades.

I'm actually really nervous

for this.

Behind you.

That's a loose Jean.

The pocket's drooping off of

him.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

This guy's caught up in his

meat.

Ohh!

Ohh!

So close!

Yeah!

Murr, he's browsing.

He's browsing.

Murr.

Oh, there's one, murr.

This is the jackpot.

It's loose pants.

Oh!

3...

4...

5...

Oh!

Oh!

Going on to the second.

You're getting very brazen.

Oh!

Murray, don't get cocky.

Don't get cocky.

Oh, my god.

You got to be...

ah!

Ah!

Seven pencils.

He doesn't know he has them

in his pocket.

Seven? Impressive, Murray.

Wow.

Impressive, bud.

He's not done.

He's going for more.

Where did you get this plant?

He's got one in there.

Look at this.

I was looking for, like, the

same plant... I was hoping to

get.

The bag counts, man.

As conducive in an

apartment.

I used to live in a house in,

like, Jersey.

He's trying to distract her.

You're creating a diversion.

But the apartment is, like...

the... oh, those pencils?

Yeah.

They're not my pencils.

They're yours.

Oh, yeah.

Oh!

Great.

Listen to me... the key is to

cause a distraction.

So, suddenly, he thinks he's

a master putpocketer.

What are you gonna... set off

fireworks?

Oh, here we go.

She didn't even look.

She didn't even look.

She's got a handful and

didn't even look up.

Good diversion.

Here you go.

This guy's windblown.

Ah!

Ah!

I can't believe it.

He thought you were messing

with his tie.

Macaroni diversion.

Oh, man!

Sal, mother and daughter.

Oh, there you go.

Ohh.

Perfect.

A hood's a pocket,

technically.

It is.

The hood counts.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

She's noticing... the mother's

noticing.

Look at... she's got in

trouble.

Ohh!

She's keeping them.

It's...

she's...

"It's nothing."

All right, q, you're in.

Are you... are you

undercover?

Nobody said anything about

not posing as a store employee.

Look at him.

He's like, "he doesn't work

here."

Yeah.

What's up, Ted?

I'll see you at the, uh,

dairy/produce softball game next

week.

Do... do you need help with

anything?

No? Okay. No problem.

If you need help with anything,

just let me know.

Oh! Careful.

Oh, one fell out!

Whoa.

All right, the kid's on to

you.

It fell out again.

Oh, look. Look.

The kid's pointing.

Wait. Wait.

Put it in.

She's gonna notice.

Put it in the pocket.

She's gonna notice.

Put it in! Put it in!

Oh!

Go! Go! Go, man!

Ohh!

She thinks he did it.

The kid putpocketed.

That kid gets the assist.

He's going in.

All right, Joey, you got to beat

12 to win.

Oh!

There's one.

The daughter knows what you're

doing and is not saying

anything.

He's turned her into a

co-conspirator.

She's watching you.

Two... that's two.

Look at that... he's trying

to put all the pencils in.

How many is that?

13.

Ah, you're caught!

Ohh.

Ah, tortillas.

He walks down the aisle.

Oh!

Oh!

That does not count.

She put 'em all down.

Narrator: Q's the sharpest

pencil in the box, putting sal,

Joe, and murr on the loser

board.

Is that true, that when you

lose one sense, all the other

senses heighten?

Yeah, my sense of smell is on

point.

That could just be the size of

my nose.

Well, you didn't lose any

other senses.

I didn't, but

somebody's having a barbecue

right now.

In Alaska.

Today, we're in the park,

wearing these blacked-out

sunglasses, so we won't be able

to see a single thing.

The other guys will be

telling us where and how to move

and what to say and do.

After we do whatever we have

to do, we'll take the sunglasses

off and have to deal with the

consequences.

Right.

And if you refuse to do

anything, you lose.

You can't see.

Look at this.

Could you... could you see my

nose?

Okay, "fedora the explorer,"

you ready to go?

Start walking.

Put your arms down.

You look like Frankenstein.

I can't see

yeah, walk straight.

Straight, straight, straight.

Keep going.

I hear skateboarders.

No, no... nobody warned me

about the skateboarders.

Walk forward.

Right a little bit.

A little left. Walk straight.

Go ahead. Walk straight.

Slow down.

Stop.

Stop.

Turn right and say, "can I

get some of that action?"

Go. Go.

Say it. Say it.

Say it right now.

Can I get some of that

action?

Take the glasses off.

Take the glasses off.

Oh.

They were just making out.

They were just making out.

You guys were having a

private moment.

I just...

I can't believe he said it.

Turn around 180 degrees.

To your right more.

To your right.

To your left now.

Okay. "Excuse me."

Excuse me.

"Is that bitch taken?"

Have a good day.

It's a lovely day in the park.

It was a dog, you idiot.

It was a dog.

Got him.

All right, you got me.

Here we go.

All right, Sally, put those

glasses on.

You can't see a thing.

Okay. Walk.

To your left a little bit.

Oh, it's not so easy, huh,

buddy?

I can't believe how dark

these glasses are.

Now, go forward.

Keep walking.

All right, bend over a little

bit and shoo these pigeons.

"Shoo! Shoo!"

Shoo! Shoo!

Get out of here!

Fly! Fly away!

Shoo those pigeons.

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo!

Take your glasses off.

Shoo!

I just, uh, I just dropped acid,

and I thought I saw pigeons.

Sorry about that. Sorry.

All right, take care.

Have a good day.

Oh, god.

I'm actually... I'm actually

shaking.

Okay, great.

Walk straight.

Keep going.

He looks so weird.

Turn right. Turn right.

Okay, keep coming straight.

How about a cool walk?

Okay, straight.

Stop.

Oh!

Okay.

You stupid

that's what you get for your

cool walk.

Sal, after this next one, you

can't run.

You run... you lose.

You... wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

You're saying that, if I run

after I say it?

Yes.

Don't worry, bud.

You'll be fine.

All right, now walk straight.

All right, left.

All right.

Now I want you to stop.

Turn left. Face him.

Go, "hey, buddy, I can take you

in a fight."

He's looking. Say it.

What if he punches me in the

face?

You cannot run.

Hey, buddy.

I can take you in a fight.

Yeah.

Real intimidating street lamp.

Okay, ready, Joe?

Walk straight.

Turn right.

Now hard right.

"Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir."

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Points with the right hand.

Point to it. Point to it.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

"You want me to throw that

out for you?"

Point down.

You want me to throw that out

for you?

No, I don't.

I can throw it out if you

want.

No, I don't.

No? You don't want me to?

Oh, my god.

In case he didn't want that

baby.

You guys are terrible.

Put the glasses back on.

All right, Joe, walk... walk

forward.

Walk forward two steps.

Say it.

Take the glasses off.

Take the glasses off.

Enjoy your day.

Oh, my god.

Joe. Okay, Joe, walk forward.

Hurry up.

Left, left, left.

Turn hard left and walk

forward.

Stop. Stop.

Turn right.

Turn right.

Say, "excuse me."

Excuse me.

"I refuse to be bullied."

I refuse to be bullied.

Now take off the glasses.

I just... it's an

anti-bullying thing.

I'm sorry... just making sure.

Enjoy your day, ma'am.

She squared up to me.

She...

Put it on.

Oh, my god.

It's pitch-black.

I can't see anything.

It's even worse when you

walk.

I'm terrified.

Stop right there and... and

start humping.

Oh.

Point.

There you go.

Walk and do it.

Walk and do it.

Keep going, buddy.

Keep going.

You're following her.

You're following her.

Right, right, right.

Turn right.

Do it. Do it.

Take the glasses off.

Oh, my god.

Oh!

What are you doing behind my

back?

Was I... was I behind your

back?

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know.

All right, murr, put 'em on.

You idiots.

All right, now, ready, murr?

Walk straight.

Step over the chain.

Do you feel it?

Step over it.

That'll be good.

Okay, great.

Now just walk straight.

Oh, my god.

Keep going, buddy.

There's nothing in front of you.

Straight. Go straight.

Okay, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Okay, now, just start going,

"psst, come here."

Psst, come here.

Psst, come here.

Hey, you, come here.

Come here.

Take the glasses off.

Take your glasses... take

your glasses off.

Oh, no. No!

Oh. It's a beautiful day, isn't

it, parents?

It's such a beautiful day in the

park.

Go back and play, kids.

Narrator: Sal and q couldn't

keep their eyes on the prize, so

they're each looking at a loss.

Today, we're teaming up to

show exciting travel

opportunities to prospective

clients.

But our presentations have

been made by the other team.

At the end of the

presentation, we'll ask the

clients to raise their hand if

they're interested in the

property.

Whichever team gets the

fewest hands raised loses.

Hello. Hi. I'm Brian.

Hello.

Hello. How are you?

Hi, everybody. Come on in.

Hey, how are you?

Thanks for coming.

Have a seat, everyone.

I'm Brian. This is James.

Well, there's one travel

opportunity, in particular, we'd

like to take you through today.

They're gonna have to talk

their way out of a lot of stuff,

which I like.

So, let's begin.

Okay, casa brigante mujeres.

It's in puerto plata, Mexico.

General amenities of...

Of the resort... whirlpool,

standard in all rooms.

Every room has beachfront access

directly.

Here you go. Here you go.

Here you go.

We have...

We've got an...

An on-call Filipino.

Like, a dude... like, a Filipino

dude.

He has a name, but he's on call.

Uh, policies of the resort

are important to note.

They have some interesting

policies.

Uh, unreturned

towels are subject to a service

charge.

Too many dicks taking towels.

Resort safety statistics...

We like to be public with all of

our safety records.

Twice, two people had food

poisoning.

Just twice, which is actually

far below the Mexican standard.

Yeah, wait... so, four

people... so, four people had

food poisoning.

Wait, no. Twice...

Twice, two people had food

poisoning.

So, the same two people...

The same two people had food

poisoning twice.

No, no, no, no, no.

The same people?

Twice, two different people

had food poisoning.

Yeah, we should make that

clearer.

Yeah. The property also

features...

Best places to boink... we

label them for you.

There are two spots.

Two spots, though... those

two spots, especially.

Let's move on.

All right.

And, yeah.

Yep.

There's just a lot of places

to boink.

And, also...

That's your hat.

My balls are in your hat.

Nudity is tolerated on

premises.

That's not right.

So, what we'd like to ask

right now is... you've seen the

resort.

By show of hands, how many of

you are interested in this

travel opportunity?

1, 2, 3.

1, 2, 3.

That's insane.

That's nuts.

Thank you so much for your

time for coming in.

I guess what I'm gonna do is

go clean my hat.

We didn't talk about the last

time you did this to me.

Just do me a favor... don't

leave the room.

I will get through it.

I will support you when you need

me.

I am gonna be your rock.

Hey, guys, how you doing?

Hey, guys.

Uh, I'm sal.

I'm Joe.

We'll take you through some

timeshare opportunities.

Let us know what you think.

All right, so, let's get

started.

This is a place called

Lawrence isle, as the new

travel opportunity that we're

presenting here today.

There's all different

amenities on the property.

Yeah. "People who vacation

at Lawrence isle are..."

This is the demographic here.

They're always happier.

Always happier.

Less likely to get stressed.

The whole point.

Less likely to get attacked.

There are a lot of wild

animals out there.

Are there, like, rangers out

there?

We have state rangers on the

perimeter, and then, of course,

we have our own private

security.

Nice.

Yeah.

We caught the alligator who

ate the DeLuca boy.

Lawrence isle...

Look at sal. Look at sal.

We named a... a path after

him.

There's the DeLuca boy...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

There's the DeLuca boy path.

All right.

So, then, he's now stuffed and

available for pictures, though.

The alligator, not the...

Not the DeLuca boy.

Look at the DeLuca boy.

May he rest in

peace.

You want to come on, man?

What?

Sal's gone.

Perfect for lovers.

Oh, my god!

Just wait.

Uh.

That's q kissing sal's

sister.

What are we... where we

going?

Where we going with this?

That's your sister.

Oh, wow.

Ohh, wow.

Oh, my god!

Uh. And they accept all

lifestyles, as well.

Oh, my god.

He's lost. He's lost.

What else?

Uh. Um.

And you can j...

and that.

So, yeah. So...

Turn around and look.

Turn around and look.

You turn around and look.

Don't.

Turn around.

You turn around right now.

That's a sal's sister

sandwich.

Lawrence isle.

Lawrence isle.

There you go. Oh.

There it is.

By show of hands, anybody

interested in hearing more about

that property?

None.

Not a single hand.

Narrator: And with that,

sal's our biggest loser.

Sal's made us promise to stop

with the "gross" punishments.

And we will...

Once he stops losing.

Sal, welcome to your worst

nightmare.

Here we go.

Here we...

It's punishment time.

So, what we did for your

punishment is we went and hid it

in this pile of garbage...

Right here on this trash barge.

You hid what?

Something of mine?

Oh, oh. I'm sorry.

Your brand-new cellphone.

Your cellphone.

There's no way for me to find

anything in this.

Good luck, buddy.

Good luck.

Good luck, buddy.

Let me tell you something

right now... I don't want my

phone to be in here, but my

phone better be in here.

Understand what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Ohh.

Is that diarrhea?

Oh, my god.

The smell is unbearable.

We could be here a long time,

guys.

Is that a used diaper?

Is that it?

Is that a used diaper, or is

that your phone?

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. It smells so bad.

Ohh!

Sal.

This is my phone.

Don't worry.

Oh

Hey, sal.

Just call us when you want us to

pick you up.

Hurry. Find it real fast.

Are you kidding me right now?

Bon voyage!

I will never forgive you!

Arrivederc'.

I hate you!

Call us when you find the

phone.

Just call us, and we'll send

the boat back.

I'm never gonna find

it!

Oh, my god.

Oh, god.

We're basically on the high seas

now at this point.

Aah, aah, aaah, aah!

Ohh, tomato sauce everywhere!

Ohh, all over my shoes

and pants!

Have we lost sal forever?

Oh, my god.

This is so up.

There's a full gallon of milk!

A full gallon!

Guys, I have no idea where

this is.

This is gross.

Ah!

Aha!

It really is my phone!

Oh, it's sal.

You're not gonna...

voicemail.

Oh, god.

Stop sending me to voicemail!

Get me off the damn boat!

Enough is enough.