Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, can q

and sal close the deal?

What makes the difference,

guys?

Unh!

This is ridiculous.

Narrator: What's left Joe in

k?

Three, four times a day.

Narrator: Will sal eat and

run?

He's going in.

Narrator: And later,

tonight's big loser is forced

into a cage match you've got to

see to believe.

From this point forward, our

fate shall be determined by

the...

All: Wheel of doom!

We shall each step forth and

take a spin on the...

All: Wheel of doom!

To not lose, you must do

what is decreed by the...

All: Wheel of doom!

The...

All: Wheel of doom!

You're first up, baby.

Yeah.

I feel like the wheel of doom

has it in for me.

There's some doozies on

there.

I feel like this is gonna be a

bad spin.

Wheel of doom, baby.

Wheel of doom.

Come on, wheel.

Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom,

doom, doom!

Here we go!

That is impossible.

How do you get somebody to

lay down on the floor in a mall?

Good luck to you, man, 'cause

you're about to ask these guys

in front of you.

Guys, you mind if I ask your

opinion on this?

I'm surprising my girl by

getting her...

I'm gonna replace the whole

bedroom set.

They got two choices upstairs...

A queen-size or this is the

full-size.

Where's he going with this?

She's a spooner.

Oh.

You know what I mean?

So, you know what I'm saying,

right?

She makes us spoon constantly.

But she's kind of like your

heft.

If she was here, it'd be easy.

Um...

Spoon with me real quick, just

for one second, and I'll tell

you in one second if it's gonna

be big enough.

For one second.

She's the same dimensions as

you, but just for one sec.

Come here.

One second.

I will jump off of this ledge

if he does it.

I will jump off the ledge.

Hook a brother up, man.

I got to buy it today.

It's on sale.

Dude, don't do it.

Don't do it.

Just real quick.

I can't believe this.

Look at...

he's not spooning you!

He's not spooning you!

Spoon with me, dude!

No, no.

I need your arm over me.

And I want to see the arm reach.

Dude, it'll take one second.

Okay, come on.

He's doing it!

He's doing it!

Wow!

Ready, boys?

Oh!

Teeth flossed by a stranger.

'Cause I didn't want to tell

you, but you got a little

something.

Wheel of doom, what happened?

I thought we were friends.

Who in this mall will go

ahead and floss a stranger's

tooth?

It's a weird thing.

It's like asking somebody to

wipe your butt.

I don't even know if I can go

through with this.

Excuse me, girls?

Girls, could you help me floss

my teeth?

No?

Could you help me floss my

teeth?

No?

No, no dice.

Hey, what's going on, man?

Can I ask you for a quick favor?

Could you, um...

Could you help me floss my

teeth?

'Cause it's stuck in there, and

I just can't get it.

Let me tell you why... I have a

hot date.

I'm meeting a girl.

I've had a crush on her since

the 6th grade.

Ooh.

Sympathy floss.

And I'm meeting her right

now, and I'm just worried that

if I show up...

Could you help me out?

I promise you, 100%, this guy

won't do it.

Like, just a quick zip of the

floss?

Don't do it, guy.

Thank you.

Oh, my god!

He's doing it!

Oh, my god.

You son of a

when you look a guy in the

eye and say, "it's about a girl.

I need this, man"...

It happens.

You do it.

Here we go.

Come on, wheel of doom.

Right past that automatic

win.

Oh! F...

Could you give me a second to

prepare?

Your face is all red.

It is red.

All over here.

That was messed up.

Give it a good spin, Joe.

Come on!

That's it.

Oh!

"Get a stranger's shoe and

smell it."

Oh, who'd have thought I'm gonna

use my nose?

Now, Joe, you've got to take

someone's shoe off and smell it.

All the way down to the

toesies.

Joe, the guy on the bench

right there with the sneakers.

How do you talk somebody out

of their shoe and then talk them

into letting you smell it?

That's his problem, my

friend.

Look at the filthy shoe!

Those were once white shoes.

You think he's distracted?

You're gonna be able to slip his

shoes off without him knowing?

Your shoe... is that comfy?

With the two laces?

Yeah?

Can I see it?

Yeah, can I...

Yeah, thanks.

No, no!

No!

He let him take it off!

They're comfortable, too?

Yeah?

He's halfway there.

This is gross.

He's gonna do it.

Joe, take the loss.

Take the loss!

Narrator: The wheel of doom

claimed no victims this round.

You know what I really like?

Walking around town with you

guys.

I love it!

I never get tired of it.

You know what I mean?

We walk from pizzerias to dance

studios.

I like the fact that we're

keeping it green.

Yeah.

We don't use any modes of

transportation besides our own

hoofs.

We must be really tired.

Watch out now... hot suit!

We're pairing up as ad execs

about to head upstairs to pitch

potential clients.

But each team has written the

presentations for each other.

At the end of the

presentations, we'll ask the

clients to rate us on a scale

from 1 to 10.

Whichever team gets the

lowest rating loses.

Hey. How are you?

These guys look like they

mean business.

Yeah, grab a seat there,

guys.

We are a marketing/advertising

company.

We cover all facets of

marketing.

Recent accounts we've landed.

Now here's where you're gonna be

impressed, guys.

Food... I'm sure you've all

eaten today.

No, we landed food.

"We landed all of food."

Uh...

Water.

Not bottled water.

Not that.

Not even tap water.

Water.

When was the last time you

had water.

You're welcome.

What makes a difference,

guys?

What makes the difference?

And we...

We chest bump after every slide.

We haven't yet, but we're

gonna start now.

Very exciting.

And you guys, if you want to

chest bump a little bit after

every slide, go right ahead.

Okay.

Also, just...

really, though, a moment of

silence for lost loved ones.

Then chest bump.

This is the worst marketing

presentation ever.

Example of a commercial.

Now to show you the video.

Just let me sleep.

They can't even look at these

guys.

Euthanasia.

Okay, it gets a bad rap, but

we're here to say...

No.

Q is hiding behind sal!

He's in the corner.

I just get a little choked

up.

We're an out-of-the-box

company.

That's why we're glad that you

got to listen to us.

Here's the survey.

Please circle a number.

We'll be back in one minute.

This is... this is

ridiculous.

Do it, do it, do it.

What is it? What is it?

"Scale not low enough"... how's

that?

One. One!

Nice to meet you.

How are you?

Make yourselves comfortable.

Yeah, have a seat.

Right there's fine.

Today is about us.

We're about to tell you guys

about our company, what

Maya sol's about.

We provide sound

advertisement solutions for your

ever-changing global

marketplace.

So, some of our major clients.

Calvin cheech.

Cal. Cal cheech.

We got a big week on

fashion week.

Cal cheech is one of our biggest

clients.

Stephen.

To his friends, he's "Steve."

Uh...

Okay.

So, this is a chart.

This is your profits chart.

And the average return on

investment, a.K.A. Profits, and

you notice that it comes... it

comes back.

Is there a reason you're

presenting these concepts on,

like, spiral ring-binder note

paper?

Well, our phrase that we go

by in the office is "keep it

stupid-simple.

It's simple, stupid."

Our design is really...

They're basically monkeys with

pencils, and this is what we're

doing.

We're in the room here, making

the best of spiral-notebook

photocopies, because they really

went all out.

Here are some examples of our

regular print ads that we've

done.

You're gonna love this one,

man.

Okay.

So, this is Arturo's beans.

And this is...

The catchphrase we came up with

this is...

"Come on, guys.

It's Arturo's beans, man."

See what we did?

In closing...

Now, your future plus...

Our future...

Equals...

Both: Pretty bright.

So bright, in fact, that "you

gotta wear shades."

"Hand out shades."

Did you have your own shades?

I didn't bring... The shades.

I forgot the shades.

Well, that was our big...

That's our big finish, though.

Thanks so much for your time,

guys.

Really appreciate it.

We're gonna step out of the

room for the moment.

If you would be so kind as to

give us a rating?

And then we'll be back in in

just a few moments.

I mean, I have my answer.

I'll just tell you.

What is it? What is it?

Three!

We got a three!

Q and sal and mad men because

they are the first ones up on

the loser board.

How come they don't make ads

for guys like me?

Like, "hey! Buy this!"

Cut to the chase!

Cut to the chase.

"Hey! We got a new car out!

Buy it!"

So you just want to be told

what to do by an insensitive

dude?

Yeah, just, "q, buy this."

We're at the food court at

the Jersey gardens mall.

My favorite place to bring a

date.

We're posing as custodial

workers cleaning up after

shoppers.

The catch is, we've got to do

and say what we're told.

And if you refuse, you lose.

Narrator: It's Joe and sal in

a joker versus joker challenge.

Hey, Joe, do me a favor...

Try for this guy right next to

you.

How's it going, bro?

Good?

How's the chicken... bourbon

chicken? Good?

Joe, don't stop cursing.

That's my favorite

man.

I eat the out of that

all day long.

Know what I'm saying?

Keep going.

Sometimes I walk in here, i'm

like, "what the am I

gonna eat?" 'Cause there's so

much to choose from.

I'm like, "I could eat the

out of any of these

places."

Sometimes I start on

this end, I walk to the other

end with that

sometimes I go over here, and I

all the way

and then I'll over here.

Who here with the

and the

there.

Here there

everywhere.

You know what I'm saying.

Enjoy your chicken.

He looks hungry.

He looks a little peckish.

Hey, sal, could you reach

over to there?

We put fork and some tape for

you.

Tape the fork to the end of your

broom...

And eat off somebody's plate.

You don't want to be rude.

You don't want to interrupt

people while they're eating.

So you want to do it from a

distance.

Yeah. Yeah, the big guy.

His meal looks good.

Wait. I'm not gonna do that

guy.

Yes, yes, you are!

Yes, you are!

This guy does not look like

he's in the mood for guff,

buddy.

Good luck.

Oh, my god.

There he goes.

He's going in!

Ah! He got one!

They don't give me a lunch

break.

What?

Narrator: The verdict from

the food court is no losers.

Q and sal remain tied for last.

Paramount oral surgery.

We had so much fun playing

dental assistants last time,

we're doing it again.

We have to do and say whatever

the other guys tell us.

And if you refuse, you lose.

Ahh.

Joe... how are you doing?

I'm doing all right.

How are you doing?

Very well.

Come on in. Have a seat.

Joe, put on some rubber

gloves.

All right.

Joe, have trouble getting

the gloves on.

Come in and have it done.

Oh, nice, nice.

I guess they were supposed to

take before-and-after.

That's great.

Okay, um...

Ask her questions.

Every answer she gives you,

you're overly shocked about it.

How often do you brush your

teeth?

Like, three, four times a

day.

Three, four times a day?

Well, you brush when you

wake up.

Right. When you wake up.

Have you ever had any teeth

removed?

I only had three.

I know!

Three?

That is weird.

All right.

And then, what kind of

toothpaste do you use?

The optic white.

How are you today, Dorothy?

I'm okay.

Yeah?

How many times do you "b"

your "t"?

How many times a day do you

"b" your "t"?

Twice.

What kind of t.B. Do you use

when you "b" your "t"?

What kind of t.B. Do you use

when you "b" your "t"?

Crest.

You use crest?

Do you "f"?

And do you, uh...

Do you "f"?

No.

You don't "f"?

Well, sometimes.

'Cause a lot of people have

better dental hygiene when

they're dating.

They just stay at home and

they "f" themselves.

I find that when I'm in a

relationship, I just kind of

stay home and "f" myself.

Yep, yep, yep. Okay.

You definitely have "toofs."

Okay.

"Toofs."

Say it.

You definitely... you

definitely have toofs.

Let me see.

Let me take a look at all your

"teefs."

Toofs, toofs.

T-o-o-f... toofs.

Did you ever have braces for

your toofs?

Nope.

Let me tell you the "troof."

Let me tell you the "toof"

right now.

Your troofs got to be

removed.

I'm gonna shoot straight.

Get it out!

Your toof needs to be

removed.

Toof.

Amanda?

Hi. How are you?

Hi.

Have a seat.

You know, for my family,

gingivitis is a good thing.

In my family, gingivitis is a

good thing.

When there's gin, invite us.

'Cause when there's gin,

invite us.

Sal, grab the water spray.

Grab that water spray.

Now spray the whole front of

your pants.

Right.

Sal, just so you know, you

look like you peed your pants in

front of that beautiful girl.

Just so you know.

She just saw it, she just saw

it.

Let me see.

Let me take a quick look.

Say ahh.

Ahh.

Now, you may feel something

that feels like a tongue.

It is.

Uh...

Good luck with that one,

Sally boy.

So you may feel something

that feels like a tongue...

Depressor.

Ohh!

It is.

It's a tongue depressor.

Okay. What are we here for

today?

My wisdom tooth.

All right, let me just take a

quick look.

Q, grab one of those big

syringes.

All right, cool.

What's that?

Oh, this is just saline.

Oh, okay.

It's just to moisten things

down a little bit.

Now start squirting your

face.

Um...

Go ahead, q... right in your

face.

But it's feeling better now,

right?

Yeah, just like I said.

It was sore.

Just a little sore?

Mm-hmm.

Is it when you chew?

Is it just...

Is it when you chew?

Keep doing it, keep doing it.

Let me just check this out.

When was the last time you

were in?

Narrator: Sal can't handle

the tooth, so he's tonight's big

loser.

So, our friend sal has a

crippling fear of one thing...

all: Cats.

What he doesn't know is,

today he's gonna teach a seminar

on how to bond with your cat.

He's the cat whisperer.

He has no idea what the

setup is.

All he knows is that we've told

him to walk into this room.

How's everyone doing?

I feel a little bad, but I

feel more good.

Uh, thank you all for coming.

Well, how about we just get

started?

So, bonding with your cat.

Uh...

Sal hates cats!

This is, uh...

This is mister... Jumbles.

He's got a little bit of a

sharp-claw issue.

It's stuck!

It's stuck on his shirt!

Take Mr. Jumbles for a

second.

Sal is in hell right now!

So, next slide.

How to bond... With multiple

cats.

Pull that big thing off

there.

I'm about to show you how to

bond with multiple cats.

Look at the slide.

I will now enter this cage

full of cats.

You have to face your fears,

buddy.

Don't come out.

Cats are gentle.

Why is he so afraid?

Let the bonding begin.

The cat yoga mat... I will now

lay down with the multiple cats.

I got to tell you, this is one

of my favorite things to do.

I am gonna be like a yoga mat.

Ooh! Oh.

He put his head down on a

cat!

That guy looks like he's

gonna jump on me.

Next slide, sal.

Let me show you the next

technique.

The cat waltz.

I'm gonna slow dance with a cat.

It's time to ask that cat for

a dance.

Yeah.

Come here.

Come on, let's dance.

Whoa!

That cat just hissed at me and

tried to...

Let... we'll... let's skip that

technique.

The next technique is the cat's

cradle.

I will now cradle as many

cats...

This is...

Okay, all right.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god.

You know what it is?

That one guy scared me, and they

all sensed it and sense that i'm

scared.

Oh, my god!

All right.

Oh, those cats are so much fun.

Look at this.

You know, but...

Oh, my god!

Thank you, guys, for coming.

I really appreciate it.

I can't open the door!

Come on.

Well done.

Delicious. Delicious.