Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up...

I stole this from a

native-American funeral home.

Narrator: Will murr get away

with grand theft buffalo?

There's no way out of this

story, really.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa.

Narrator: How will q solve

his mystery?

Why is my couch always wet?

Narrator: Can sal survive a

rear-end collision?

Back up, back up, back up!

Narrator: And if looks can

kill, tonight's big loser is in

for our deadliest punishment

ever.

We're at fairway supermarket,

giving away free samples of

america's favorite dairy

product, cheese.

Mine's milk!

Enough with the milk!

After the sample, we'll be

conducting a survey full of odd

questions that other guys have

created for us.

If you can't ask every single

weird question, you lose.

All: Cheese!

Milk!

Why do you push my buttons?!

Sir, would you like some free

cheese?

Okay.

You mind if I ask you a question

or two, though, about your

eating habits?

Okay, well, no, go ahead then.

Would you like a piece of

cheese?

Do you mind if I ask you a

question or two for the survey

while you enjoy?

Okay, do you buy more than one

block of cheese at a time?

Okay, so you only buy one block

of cheese at any given time.

Next question is...

How much Mexican can you take

before it becomes annoying?

Mexi... yes.

It never becomes annoying,

okay.

Okay, uh, uh, can... can...

Can you tell that I've never

been with a woman?

You can't tell?

I've fooled another one.

I did.

I've never been with a woman.

I fooled you.

Do you mind if I ask you a

question or two for the survey

while you're enjoying?

Um...

Give me one moment, sir, okay?

I'll be right with you.

Oh, are you together?

This is your husband?

Enjoy the cheese.

Enjoy the cheese.

How are you, sir?

How's everything?

Not bad.

May I ask you questions, sir?

Okay, do you use cheese as a

snack often?

You do? Okay.

Where'd you get all that Booty

from?

Again, this is just to see what

cheeses we should sell.

Where'd you get all that Booty

from?

You got it from your mama?

All righty.

Uh...

I'll treat you right.

Will you let me treat you right?

Yes.

Thank you so much.

Joe, how about that guy right

there in the hat?

Do you mind if I ask you a

couple of questions?

Do you like cheese with an

aroma?

And would you meet met behind

the supermarket at midnight?

It's really important.

Would you meet me behind the

supermarket at midnight?

It's really important.

It's kind of simple.

You know what midnight is?

You know we're in a supermarket.

You know where behind it is?

Would you meet me there at

midnight?

It's super important.

No. Okay, so no then.

All right, that's it, man.

Thanks.

Free sample, free sample.

Delicious cheese.

It's like feeding time at the

zoo.

Oh, my god, he can't say

that!

People can hear you, buddy.

Brooklyn college... I went to

Brooklyn college.

Do you mind if I ask you a

couple survey questions?

Okay, great.

Um, did you

Brooklyn... did you experiment

with any cheeses in college?

You experimented with a lot

of things in college.

Next question.

Uh, next question.

Um...

Go ahead. Read that to me.

You don't think so?

Is that a firm no?

Okay.

Enjoy your cheese, sir.

Thank you very much.

Narrator: Murr couldn't cut

it, so he's stinking up the

loser board.

True or false... everything

tastes better when it's free.

Definitely.

You could crap on a piece of

bread and give it to me and be

like, "no charge."

I'll be like, "and it's not that

bad."

Is this sourdough?

We're at a flea market,

trying to sell some personal

items to shoppers.

But each item will have a

very unusual past that'll be

given to us by the other guys.

The more we try to explain

the story behind the item, the

harder we'll make it for each

other.

Whoever can't sell their item

despite its weird story, loses.

Some nice stuff here.

This here is a 2012 Dracula

nutcracker.

Okay, he walked away.

The lucky horseshoe belonged

to the secretariat.

My grandfather used to train

him.

Oh, this?

So, these are... these are

candle holders that have been in

my family for a long time, and

they were used at a wedding.

The wedding of my grandparents.

Oh, how can you sell them?

How can I sell them?

They recently passed on.

So I'm just trying to...

I'm just trying to make a

quick buck.

I'm also trying to make a

quick buck.

Only because my grandfather

was an entrepreneur and a

businessman, and I've had those

traits passed down to me.

Plus, I'm trying to sell them

before my sisters find out that

this stuff exists.

I'm also trying to sell them

before the rest...

Of my family finds out that i'm

selling their things.

That's why I'm not at the

funeral right now with the rest

of my family.

That's why...

The funeral's actually right

now.

The rest of my... the rest of my

family's actually there, and i'm

here.

You're kidding.

No.

Those are $15 for the set.

All right, man, nice

technique.

Murr, you don't look like the

type that would be here.

I don't belong here.

How are you, sir?

How you doing?

Good, good, good, good.

What's this?

This? The buffalo.

Interesting story about the

buffalo.

I stole it from a

native-American funeral home.

I stole this...

I stole this from a

native-American funeral home.

Uh, and I'll tell you why I did

it... because they had condemned

the funeral home.

It was going out of business.

I said, "you know what?

Let me not let this go to waste.

Let me save it from a garbage

dump."

But I went there for the last

funeral.

But... but I was there as a

guest at the last funeral.

And I just took it right off

the coffin.

And it was on the coffin, and

I took it off.

It was... it was chief, uh,

chief little foot.

He had died.

It was easy to sneak out.

The body was harder to

remove.

It was easy to sneak out.

The body was harder to remove.

There's no way out of this

story, really.

What I'm saying is,

I stole chief little foot's

corpse.

You want to see it?

You want to see it?

I got on a table in the

back... 10 bucks.

You want the buffalo?

Looks like you got some

customers, q.

You like that mirror?

It's perfect for your home.

That'll look great anywhere.

Think you can hang this in your

bedroom?

And that's where I can watch

you get changed.

And that way, I can watch you

get changed.

Metaphorically speaking.

There's a metaphorical hidden

camera in the mirror.

There's a metaphorical hidden

camera in the mirror.

Metaphorically.

There's not a real hidden camera

in there... metaphorically

speaking.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You put it up on your wall in

your room.

Metaphorically feeds to my

computer at home.

I don't know how I'm coming

back from that one.

And it metaphorically feeds

to my computer at home.

So...

No?

Damn it!

Uh-oh, Joey.

Looks like this guy's interested

in your stuff.

I got a lot of cool things

here.

This is a... this is a flask.

This one's actually been in my

family for a long time.

My family used to make our

own moonshine.

My family used to make their

own moonshine during

prohibition.

A lot of under-the-table stuff.

How do, like, go about

setting up?

Oh, you mean just, like, to

get here?

Yeah, I got the permit.

I don't need a permit,

though.

But I don't need a permit.

A few well-placed.

A couple... couple

well-placed threats could do the

same thing as a permit

application.

I'm in the mafia.

I'm in the mafia.

We don't talk about it, though.

I whacked a guy.

I took this from him.

When I... when I whacked a

guy, I took this off his body,

yeah.

But that was just... you got to

make, you know, something bad

happens, you turn it into

something good, so I'm out here

now selling it.

I'm gonna give that money to

charity and pay it forward.

So, you want the flask?

You want the flask.

He was scared for his life.

That's why he bought it.

Just wipe it down for

fingerprints.

Take care, buddy.

Narrator: Murr and q failed

to close the deal, so they've

each bought a spot on the loser

board.

All: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

We're in the park where we

have to get strangers to talk to

us for at least 30 seconds.

But it won't be easy because

the other guys will be giving us

the first line of the

conversation.

If you can't carry on a

conversation for at least 30

seconds, you lose.

Narrator: It's sal and q in

the joker versus joker

challenge.

Yeah, all right.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa.

Where do all the high-school

girls hang out around here?

Where...

Where do all...

What?

Where do all the high-school

girls hang out around here?

Yeah.

I mean, 18, but, you know,

just...

just learning trigonometry.

You know what I'm saying?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you think this is...

The puerto rican day parade?

What do you guys think is...

The puerto rican day parade?

You know, because... because you

guys look so festive.

And you definitely look

puerto rican.

So, I was like, "oh, my god,

look at this two-person

puerto rican day parade

approaching me."

Yeah!

All: 3, 2, 1...

Oh!

Puerto rican day parade.

Adios.

No, when he eats the

mushroom, he turns big.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa.

Why is my couch always wet?

Why is my couch always wet?

You complete me.

Did you know that?

I am boring to sleep with.

I put the donkey in

ba-donka-donkey.

I just saw a Chinese Batman!

I just saw him!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ladies, ladies.

Orgasms can be fake?

You can't not say it.

That's not even an option in

this.

You have to say it.

That's a beautiful scarf.

Narrator: Q wouldn't talk the

talk, making it a two-way tie

for last.

We're gassing people up at

Jeff's complete auto care.

While helping customers get

their fill, we've got to do and

say what we're told.

And if you refuse, you lose.

How you doing, man?

What can I help you with?

All right, q, give this guy a

nickname.

Ready, set, go.

You got it, hot dog.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, my god, what are you

doing?!

Didn't get it on your car.

It's all... it's all good.

I wouldn't... I wouldn't...

Hot dog! Hot dog!

Hot dog, that's what i'm

talking about!

Buddy, open every door in his

car.

What is this... a civic?

What's going on back here?

You got lots of room.

Crawl right through.

Hot dog, I'm going through.

This is looking good, buddy.

Oh, yeah, get me in here.

You know, there's one door

still not open, buddy... his

door.

Lean over him and open his door.

Thanks, hot dog.

Hey, how are you, sir?

Good. How you doing?

What can I help you with?

I'm sorry. $40, the super.

I got to tell you...

I got to tell you...

Your car is a piece of

bro.

Your car is probably my

favorite car I've worked on yet

today.

It is absolutely gorgeous.

Get to pumping, loser.

Okay.

Sal, have no idea what you're

doing.

I should not be doing this.

All right.

That's it, that's it.

Sal, look right up at him and

keep licking your lips.

Oh, that is... that is

actually gross.

Flip around and do it between

your legs!

You know what?

If I do it like this...

Back your ass into him,

buddy.

Back up, back up, back up,

back up!

I got you... 2 1/2, 2 1/2.

Narrator: Coming up...

Murr, you have no blue-collar

skills whatsoever.

Murr's a pink-collar worker.

Um, do you mind coming in a

little bit closer?

Murr, this lady's never gonna

get close enough.

Come, come, come.

Okay, cut the wheel.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.

And cut the wheel a little bit.

Okay, now come forward.

Just a little farther.

Back, back, back, back, back.

A couple inches back, couple

more inches back.

Yeah, and now back it up a

little bit.

Oh, she's way off.

Okay, great. Now stop.

A little forward a little bit.

3 more inches.

Okay, great. Now stop.

Uh, you're... yoyou're too close.

We got to pull it a little

further away from the pump.

Okay.

All right, perfect.

Now just back it up an inch.

Now back it up like a couple

inches.

Just back up a little bit.

Just keep backing it up.

And...

And...

Perfection.

Boom. That's it. Nailed it.

Okay, I'm on break.

Okay, I'm on break, so this

guy will help you out.

Up a little bit more.

What can I get you?

$20, regular. Cash or credit?

I can't watch this.

Now I'm gonna throw up.

He's picking his nose.

Cash... $20, regular, cash.

Oh, my god, stop picking your

nose!

Joe, the guy's picking his

nose, and now he's wiping it

with his shirt!

Ew!

Joe, get this guy to stop

picking his nose, or you lose.

Mia, you were knucks deep up

in there.

You all right?

You've got it all the way up

there.

Was your brain itchy?

Oh, my god!

You're like wow, right?

Here you go.

$8, regular?

Joe, ask him to roll up his

window.

You could roll up your

window.

Thanks.

Now I want you to scream

everything to him through the

window.

You stupid asses.

That was $8, regular?!

Get your face as close as

possible to the window and just

scream.

And you said cash?!

Cash?! $8 cash?!

Do the windows?

You want me to do the windows?

Do you want me to do the

windows, too?!

You want me to do the windows?!

How about the oil?!

You want me to pop the hood?!

Your tires good?!

Your tires are good?!

Top off your fluids?!

No? Okay, good.

Q ran out of gas, making him

tonight's big loser.

Q, tonight, you are a fashion

designer presenting your new

clothing line.

I design fashion?

No, no, no.

We design it for you.

In just a few minutes, this

entire room's gonna be filled

with the super-trendy,

fashion-forward crowd.

As the models walk the

runway, you need to explain what

inspired you to create what

they're wearing.

You need to work it, girl!

What the heck?

With no further ado, please

join me in welcoming

Mr. Brian Quinn.

Hi.

We took the least fashionable

one amongst us...

Yes.

And used that to inspire

this punishment.

He'll never be able to

explain these fashions.

Uh, you know, I'm just gonna

be showing some pieces from the

upcoming fall line that i'm

really excited about.

All right, why don't we get the

show started, huh?

All right, q, that smile's

gonna come off your face.

Yeah, as soon as you see

what's behind the curtain.

Oh, my god!

It looks like the fat crow.

Possibly come back from the dead

to avenge some doughnuts that

somebody ate or something.

I feel like I'm in the

twilight zone, which is where I

got the inspiration for this

one.

Nice.

All right, well, thank you

very much.

Thank you.

Uh, all right, well, next...

Next model.

Next model.

Let's just keep it moving along.

It's horrid!

This is the direction that

fashion is going in right there.

She's leaving.

She's leaving.

She's leaving.

She's wearing a lovely white

sweater.

This lovely girl here is wearing

a fur vest-type thing.

Those are my designs.

They're surprise models.

Next model.

Burlap is back.

All right.

Yeah, there we go.

All right.

It's a giant coffin.

The coffin is moving.

Uh...

He has no idea what to say.

There's nothing to say.

Nothing to say.

There's no way to explain

that.

Uh, you know, if you don't

dress well, you might as well be

dead.

Wow, I will give you that!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you!

He has all this confidence

now!

You forgot the other

disasters before that one line.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate it.