Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,854 --> 00:00:07,821
Narrator: Coming up...
2
00:00:07,821 --> 00:00:08,788
We need to settle this,
3
00:00:08,788 --> 00:00:09,121
please.
4
00:00:09,122 --> 00:00:10,187
Narrator: Why are things
5
00:00:10,188 --> 00:00:11,468
getting ugly between murr and q?
6
00:00:12,454 --> 00:00:14,420
What has sal feeling romantic?
7
00:00:14,421 --> 00:00:15,788
I love you.
8
00:00:17,054 --> 00:00:18,087
This guy is ripped.
9
00:00:18,088 --> 00:00:19,420
Narrator: How will Joe talk
10
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:20,520
his way out of this one?
11
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,653
What do you do to work out
12
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:22,588
your ponytail, cupcake?
13
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:23,221
Right.
14
00:00:23,222 --> 00:00:25,153
What do you, uh...
15
00:00:25,154 --> 00:00:26,553
Narrator: And tonight's big
16
00:00:26,554 --> 00:00:27,953
loser will be forced to reveal
17
00:00:27,954 --> 00:00:29,420
excruciating secrets in our most
18
00:00:29,421 --> 00:00:31,154
revealing punishment yet.
19
00:00:37,088 --> 00:00:38,487
We're back in the mall for a
20
00:00:38,488 --> 00:00:39,820
rematch, trying to figure out
21
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:40,887
who's the best debater.
22
00:00:40,888 --> 00:00:41,920
We're going head-to-head,
23
00:00:41,921 --> 00:00:42,854
tournament-style, asking
24
00:00:42,854 --> 00:00:43,854
strangers to settle the most
25
00:00:43,854 --> 00:00:44,721
ridiculous of debates.
26
00:00:44,721 --> 00:00:45,521
But the topic of our debate
27
00:00:45,554 --> 00:00:46,454
will be given to us by the other
28
00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:47,520
guys.
29
00:00:47,521 --> 00:00:48,687
We've got to get someone to
30
00:00:48,688 --> 00:00:49,887
agree with our stance, no matter
31
00:00:49,888 --> 00:00:50,788
how bizarre it may be.
32
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,120
If you can't get the stranger
33
00:00:52,121 --> 00:00:53,353
to say you're right, you lose.
34
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,088
I will be defending my
35
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:54,588
championship.
36
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,288
You're going down!
37
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:55,721
Unh-unh.
38
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:56,688
You're the guy to beat, my
39
00:00:56,688 --> 00:00:56,988
friend.
40
00:00:57,021 --> 00:00:58,221
I'm so gonna lose.
41
00:01:02,488 --> 00:01:03,288
Who do you think is in a
42
00:01:03,289 --> 00:01:04,620
worse position... q or murr?
43
00:01:04,621 --> 00:01:06,087
Ooh, this is real tough one.
44
00:01:06,088 --> 00:01:07,088
No one wants to agree with
45
00:01:07,089 --> 00:01:08,164
Murray, just 'cause of his face,
46
00:01:08,188 --> 00:01:09,287
and no one can understand what
47
00:01:09,288 --> 00:01:13,820
q's saying.
48
00:01:13,821 --> 00:01:14,721
I don't know, man.
49
00:01:14,721 --> 00:01:15,588
I disagree with you.
50
00:01:15,589 --> 00:01:16,787
What if we let her settle it?
51
00:01:16,788 --> 00:01:17,554
Excuse me, ma'am, do you mind
52
00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,320
settling an argument?
53
00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:19,921
Two seconds.
54
00:01:19,921 --> 00:01:20,821
You're the judge.
55
00:01:20,822 --> 00:01:21,987
It's in your hands who wins
56
00:01:21,988 --> 00:01:22,688
this.
57
00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:23,920
Murr this one's for you.
58
00:01:23,921 --> 00:01:25,154
I say I'm uglier than he is...
59
00:01:25,188 --> 00:01:26,188
I...
60
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,487
I say I'm uglier than he is.
61
00:01:30,488 --> 00:01:31,488
Hey, q.
62
00:01:31,489 --> 00:01:33,720
Say, "I'm uglier than he is."
63
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:35,620
And I say I'm uglier than he
64
00:01:35,621 --> 00:01:36,621
is.
65
00:01:38,754 --> 00:01:39,820
Hear us out.
66
00:01:39,821 --> 00:01:41,253
Have you seen my hair? R?
67
00:01:41,254 --> 00:01:42,688
'Cause I haven't.
68
00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:44,654
I kind of look like
69
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:45,753
Rosie O'Donnell, which, for a
70
00:01:45,754 --> 00:01:46,953
woman, is attractive, but, for a
71
00:01:46,954 --> 00:01:48,120
man, that's probably not what a
72
00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:49,320
woman wants to see coming at her
73
00:01:49,321 --> 00:01:50,387
in the middle of the night.
74
00:01:50,388 --> 00:01:51,820
Have you ever seen a picture
75
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:52,488
of a ferret?
76
00:01:52,489 --> 00:01:53,753
A beady-eyed, weird-looking
77
00:01:53,754 --> 00:01:54,953
ferret with a small head?
78
00:01:54,954 --> 00:01:56,153
That is what I look like.
79
00:01:56,154 --> 00:01:57,720
I look like my neck threw up
80
00:01:57,721 --> 00:01:59,087
all over the place and grew,
81
00:01:59,088 --> 00:02:00,153
like, hippie hair.
82
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,820
Underneath my shirt is more
83
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,620
chest hair than you've ever seen
84
00:02:03,621 --> 00:02:04,820
in your entire life.
85
00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:05,987
It is not handsome.
86
00:02:05,988 --> 00:02:07,087
You have beautiful eyes.
87
00:02:07,088 --> 00:02:07,921
Use those beautiful eyes to look
88
00:02:07,921 --> 00:02:08,488
at this ugly face.
89
00:02:08,488 --> 00:02:09,354
Use your heart and look at
90
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:10,453
me.
91
00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:11,454
We need to settle this,
92
00:02:11,454 --> 00:02:11,854
please.
93
00:02:11,855 --> 00:02:12,920
We need to settle it, once
94
00:02:12,921 --> 00:02:13,921
and for all.
95
00:02:25,088 --> 00:02:25,988
It's so funny that the real
96
00:02:25,988 --> 00:02:26,888
answer is gonna crush one of
97
00:02:26,889 --> 00:02:27,921
you.
98
00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:31,153
I'm uglier?
99
00:02:31,154 --> 00:02:32,088
I'm uglier?
100
00:02:32,089 --> 00:02:33,854
Kind of a victory, I guess.
101
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:35,454
Thank you.
102
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,420
Thank you so much.
103
00:02:37,421 --> 00:02:38,453
Well, I won that one.
104
00:02:38,454 --> 00:02:40,721
No, no, no, I won that one.
105
00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:43,153
Who do you think is gonna win
106
00:02:43,154 --> 00:02:44,088
between Joe and sal?
107
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:45,088
Well, here's the thing.
108
00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:46,987
Sal is exhausting to argue with.
109
00:02:46,988 --> 00:02:47,554
He is.
110
00:02:47,555 --> 00:02:48,853
He just doesn't let go.
111
00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:49,788
He's the worst.
112
00:02:49,789 --> 00:02:51,487
So, if he just brings a tenth
113
00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:53,087
of that annoying fire to this
114
00:02:53,088 --> 00:02:54,854
argument, he's got it.
115
00:02:58,188 --> 00:02:59,088
I think you're wrong.
116
00:02:59,088 --> 00:02:59,454
Ask him.
117
00:02:59,454 --> 00:03:00,321
I don't think so.
118
00:03:00,321 --> 00:03:01,121
Let him settle it.
119
00:03:01,122 --> 00:03:02,520
Could you settle a bet for us,
120
00:03:02,521 --> 00:03:02,888
bud?
121
00:03:02,889 --> 00:03:04,153
Now, Joe, what's a worse
122
00:03:04,154 --> 00:03:05,121
medical condition...
123
00:03:05,122 --> 00:03:06,653
Which is a worse medical
124
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,454
condition...
125
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,187
my body lice...
126
00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:10,853
my body lice...
127
00:03:10,854 --> 00:03:12,087
Now, sal...
128
00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:13,753
Or my foot fungus?
129
00:03:13,754 --> 00:03:16,288
Or my foot fungus?
130
00:03:17,288 --> 00:03:18,088
Okay?
131
00:03:18,089 --> 00:03:19,287
I'm up all night scratching and
132
00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:19,788
itching.
133
00:03:19,789 --> 00:03:21,087
I got body lice all up in me...
134
00:03:21,088 --> 00:03:22,253
Every crevice, every orifice,
135
00:03:22,254 --> 00:03:23,587
and that's what I'm dealing with
136
00:03:23,588 --> 00:03:24,554
every day of the week.
137
00:03:24,555 --> 00:03:26,120
I'm on my feet all day long.
138
00:03:26,121 --> 00:03:27,687
There's never a time where this
139
00:03:27,688 --> 00:03:28,787
isn't irritating me.
140
00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:29,887
Plus, it's a fungus.
141
00:03:29,888 --> 00:03:30,888
Gross.
142
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,320
I can't be with a woman because
143
00:03:33,321 --> 00:03:34,520
I can't take my socks off.
144
00:03:34,521 --> 00:03:35,787
I mean, I can't be with a
145
00:03:35,788 --> 00:03:36,188
woman.
146
00:03:36,188 --> 00:03:37,154
I mean, their whole bed is
147
00:03:37,155 --> 00:03:38,621
ruined.
148
00:03:43,421 --> 00:03:43,888
Oh!
149
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:45,153
Appreciate your time.
150
00:03:45,154 --> 00:03:46,121
Sal, you lost.
151
00:03:46,122 --> 00:03:47,888
Sal, down in flames.
152
00:03:51,421 --> 00:03:52,787
And the gladiators head to
153
00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:53,853
the final challenge.
154
00:03:53,854 --> 00:03:55,087
How did you and I lose?
155
00:03:55,088 --> 00:03:56,587
We're the ones that argue the
156
00:03:56,588 --> 00:03:56,988
most.
157
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:57,988
I know.
158
00:03:57,989 --> 00:03:59,253
Must I listen to the loser's
159
00:03:59,254 --> 00:04:00,254
circle while...
160
00:04:01,254 --> 00:04:02,820
may the best winner win.
161
00:04:02,821 --> 00:04:04,253
Finally, a challenge.
162
00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:05,320
I see your point, but I don't
163
00:04:05,321 --> 00:04:06,088
think you're right.
164
00:04:06,088 --> 00:04:06,754
You don't think...
165
00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:07,754
Well, we could argue this all
166
00:04:07,754 --> 00:04:08,088
day.
167
00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:08,988
Why don't we ask this gentleman?
168
00:04:08,988 --> 00:04:09,588
Excuse me, bud.
169
00:04:09,588 --> 00:04:09,921
Sir?
170
00:04:09,922 --> 00:04:11,253
Could you help us settle an
171
00:04:11,254 --> 00:04:12,154
argument real quick?
172
00:04:12,154 --> 00:04:12,754
Real quick.
173
00:04:12,755 --> 00:04:13,920
So, Joe, which has
174
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,387
contributed more to society?
175
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,087
Which has contributed more to
176
00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:17,621
society?
177
00:04:17,622 --> 00:04:19,753
I think it's reverse osmosis.
178
00:04:19,754 --> 00:04:21,953
I think it's reverse osmosis.
179
00:04:21,954 --> 00:04:23,887
And, q, I think it's cold
180
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,187
fusion.
181
00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:26,554
I think it's cold fusion.
182
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:28,354
Okay?
183
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:29,753
So, now, reverse osmosis is
184
00:04:29,754 --> 00:04:31,120
really taking a toll on the
185
00:04:31,121 --> 00:04:32,620
environment here with all the
186
00:04:32,621 --> 00:04:33,853
water that's out there.
187
00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:34,987
You got all the water and the
188
00:04:34,988 --> 00:04:36,187
reversing it, and you're making
189
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:36,588
water.
190
00:04:36,588 --> 00:04:37,088
Yeah, yeah.
191
00:04:37,089 --> 00:04:38,887
However, cold fusion is
192
00:04:38,888 --> 00:04:43,687
single-handedly responsible...
193
00:04:43,688 --> 00:04:45,420
For what?
194
00:04:45,421 --> 00:04:48,187
For... video-game systems.
195
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:48,921
What?!
196
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,953
Every video-game system, from
197
00:04:50,954 --> 00:04:52,853
the n.E.S. To the PlayStation,
198
00:04:52,854 --> 00:04:54,520
every one has cold fusion.
199
00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:56,087
Reverse osmosis, really, is
200
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,453
what they use to make the
201
00:04:57,454 --> 00:04:58,221
controllers.
202
00:04:58,222 --> 00:04:59,353
See what I'm saying?
203
00:04:59,354 --> 00:05:00,953
You can't have video games if
204
00:05:00,954 --> 00:05:02,453
you don't have controllers.
205
00:05:02,454 --> 00:05:03,520
Yeah, today, but what about
206
00:05:03,521 --> 00:05:04,088
in the future?
207
00:05:04,088 --> 00:05:04,988
Everything out there is all
208
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:05,588
hands-free now.
209
00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:06,521
You want to do this, you do that
210
00:05:06,521 --> 00:05:06,988
on the screen.
211
00:05:06,988 --> 00:05:07,688
You don't even need...
212
00:05:07,689 --> 00:05:08,753
yeah, but reverse osmosis is
213
00:05:08,754 --> 00:05:09,754
the reason why you're able to
214
00:05:09,754 --> 00:05:10,088
sweat.
215
00:05:10,089 --> 00:05:11,187
If you can't sweat, then how you
216
00:05:11,188 --> 00:05:12,088
gonna even move around?
217
00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:13,187
Yeah, but cold fusion also
218
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,320
powersrs air-conditioners, which
219
00:05:14,321 --> 00:05:15,553
cools you down, your whole house
220
00:05:15,554 --> 00:05:15,888
down.
221
00:05:15,889 --> 00:05:17,087
You guys go to do something
222
00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:18,187
to make him pick one, or else
223
00:05:18,188 --> 00:05:18,888
both of you lose.
224
00:05:18,888 --> 00:05:19,888
You're gonna die without
225
00:05:19,888 --> 00:05:20,488
reverse osmosis.
226
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,254
What do you think?
227
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:22,387
You're gonna walk out of here
228
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:22,888
and be dead.
229
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:23,788
Do you want to be dead?
230
00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:24,521
You're gonna die.
231
00:05:24,522 --> 00:05:25,653
You and your family, your loved
232
00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:26,254
ones... dead.
233
00:05:26,255 --> 00:05:27,453
Life is not worth living
234
00:05:27,454 --> 00:05:29,121
without cold fusion.
235
00:05:31,254 --> 00:05:32,987
Earth would stop spinning
236
00:05:32,988 --> 00:05:35,120
without reverse osmosis.
237
00:05:35,121 --> 00:05:36,353
But if you had to pick one...
238
00:05:36,354 --> 00:05:37,587
Just tell me you want to kill
239
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:38,321
all your friends.
240
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:39,321
You want to kill all your
241
00:05:39,321 --> 00:05:39,721
family?
242
00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:40,953
Say it, go ahead, go ahead.
243
00:05:40,954 --> 00:05:41,754
Just tell me...
244
00:05:41,755 --> 00:05:42,920
yeah, but 51 in which
245
00:05:42,921 --> 00:05:45,387
direction?
246
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,787
Video games.
247
00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:49,087
Boom!
248
00:05:49,088 --> 00:05:50,088
Kill everybody!
249
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:50,888
Cold fusion!
250
00:05:50,889 --> 00:05:52,320
Everybody's dead, playing
251
00:05:52,321 --> 00:05:53,487
video games in coffins.
252
00:05:53,488 --> 00:05:55,853
Cold fusion wins every time.
253
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,720
It was only 51-49, though.
254
00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:58,854
I was so close.
255
00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:01,253
Narrator: It was an ugly win
256
00:06:01,254 --> 00:06:02,620
for q, putting Joe, sal, and
257
00:06:02,621 --> 00:06:06,420
murr on the loser board.
258
00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:07,620
Sal is impossible to win an
259
00:06:07,621 --> 00:06:08,388
argument against.
260
00:06:08,388 --> 00:06:08,854
Yep.
261
00:06:08,855 --> 00:06:10,087
'Cause you remember every
262
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:11,287
detail of every fight we've ever
263
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:11,621
had.
264
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:12,653
None of this is true.
265
00:06:12,654 --> 00:06:13,787
First of all, we already had
266
00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:14,921
this argument 18 years ago.
267
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:17,488
Salsa!
268
00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:18,454
Ballroom!
269
00:06:18,454 --> 00:06:19,221
Swing!
270
00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:20,221
These are the classes we'll
271
00:06:20,222 --> 00:06:21,320
be teaching here at stepping out
272
00:06:21,321 --> 00:06:21,688
studios.
273
00:06:21,688 --> 00:06:22,654
While leading the class,
274
00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:23,621
we've got to do and say what
275
00:06:23,621 --> 00:06:24,088
we're told.
276
00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:26,153
And if you refuse, you lose.
277
00:06:26,154 --> 00:06:27,853
Narrator: It's sal and q in
278
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:31,187
the joker vs. Joker challenge.
279
00:06:31,188 --> 00:06:32,253
You know, your body moves
280
00:06:32,254 --> 00:06:33,320
like jello... good jello with
281
00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:34,853
rhythm, but I'm just saying.
282
00:06:34,854 --> 00:06:36,087
I'll do a little salsa.
283
00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,287
Yeah, we get it, you're
284
00:06:37,288 --> 00:06:37,788
Mexican.
285
00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,220
Your grandfather was born on the
286
00:06:39,221 --> 00:06:39,954
Mexican flag.
287
00:06:39,955 --> 00:06:41,621
I'm not Mexican.
288
00:06:42,788 --> 00:06:43,688
How's everybody doing?
289
00:06:43,688 --> 00:06:44,688
Introduce yourself, bud.
290
00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:45,787
My name is sal.
291
00:06:45,788 --> 00:06:47,453
I fell in love with salsa about
292
00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:48,288
10 years ago.
293
00:06:48,289 --> 00:06:49,920
So, just loosen up real quick.
294
00:06:49,921 --> 00:06:52,087
Have dead arms.
295
00:06:52,088 --> 00:06:53,620
Really swing loose there,
296
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:54,820
buddy, with dead arms.
297
00:06:54,821 --> 00:06:56,120
Uh, my stretching
298
00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:58,320
technique...
299
00:06:58,321 --> 00:06:59,353
Faster, buddy.
300
00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:01,887
Just start hitting yourself.
301
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,153
Gregory hines taught me this.
302
00:07:03,154 --> 00:07:05,421
Gregory hines taught me this.
303
00:07:07,088 --> 00:07:08,088
Sal, introduce yourself
304
00:07:08,088 --> 00:07:09,088
again.
305
00:07:10,521 --> 00:07:12,487
So, you know, my name is sal.
306
00:07:12,488 --> 00:07:13,887
I fell in love with dance about
307
00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:15,087
10 years ago, and I've been
308
00:07:15,088 --> 00:07:16,088
doing it ever since.
309
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:17,554
Partner up.
310
00:07:17,555 --> 00:07:18,687
Gentlemen will lead.
311
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,087
You want to keep your arms
312
00:07:20,088 --> 00:07:21,920
squared off at the top.
313
00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:22,721
Great, great.
314
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:23,354
Very good.
315
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,620
So, guys...
316
00:07:24,621 --> 00:07:26,853
Introduce yourself.
317
00:07:26,854 --> 00:07:28,387
Let me tell you a little
318
00:07:28,388 --> 00:07:29,221
about myself.
319
00:07:29,221 --> 00:07:29,854
I'm sal.
320
00:07:29,855 --> 00:07:32,253
I fell in love with salsa about
321
00:07:32,254 --> 00:07:34,387
10 years ago, and I've been
322
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:36,288
learning it ever since.
323
00:07:37,488 --> 00:07:38,154
Very good.
324
00:07:38,155 --> 00:07:39,653
Sal, partner up with one of
325
00:07:39,654 --> 00:07:40,221
the guys.
326
00:07:40,221 --> 00:07:40,788
Yeah.
327
00:07:40,788 --> 00:07:41,788
Why don't we switch up?
328
00:07:41,788 --> 00:07:42,588
You guys go ahead.
329
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,154
You, sir.
330
00:07:43,154 --> 00:07:43,688
You, sir.
331
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:44,221
We'll partner up.
332
00:07:44,221 --> 00:07:45,088
It's okay, 'cause I want to see
333
00:07:45,088 --> 00:07:46,088
how you lead.
334
00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:48,387
Look him in the eyes and
335
00:07:48,388 --> 00:07:50,921
whisper, "I love you."
336
00:07:55,921 --> 00:07:57,754
I love you.
337
00:08:01,988 --> 00:08:04,253
Sal, slowly lower your hand
338
00:08:04,254 --> 00:08:05,487
down his back.
339
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,154
Lower.
340
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,520
That was it!
341
00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:10,288
That w it!
342
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,620
Notice how my hand is nice
343
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,488
and high?
344
00:08:15,754 --> 00:08:16,853
Oh, I didn't know q was
345
00:08:16,854 --> 00:08:17,554
teaching disco.
346
00:08:17,554 --> 00:08:18,188
He's not.
347
00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:19,687
He's teaching g swing.
348
00:08:19,688 --> 00:08:20,421
Oh, look at him.
349
00:08:20,421 --> 00:08:21,121
He's warming up.
350
00:08:21,122 --> 00:08:22,921
You can't dance.
351
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,187
Hi, hello.
352
00:08:26,188 --> 00:08:27,487
We're gonna do a little swing
353
00:08:27,488 --> 00:08:28,221
dancing today.
354
00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:29,553
First things first...
355
00:08:29,554 --> 00:08:30,887
First things first...
356
00:08:30,888 --> 00:08:31,987
Has everyone left their
357
00:08:31,988 --> 00:08:32,988
bull at the door?
358
00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:34,720
Has everyone left
359
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,087
uh...
360
00:08:36,088 --> 00:08:37,088
Has everybody left their
361
00:08:37,088 --> 00:08:37,954
bull at the door?
362
00:08:37,955 --> 00:08:39,153
'Cause we're here to dance.
363
00:08:39,154 --> 00:08:41,120
Because we're here to dance.
364
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,221
No bull
365
00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:43,820
when's the last time you cut
366
00:08:43,821 --> 00:08:44,154
loose?
367
00:08:44,155 --> 00:08:45,253
When's the last time you cut
368
00:08:45,254 --> 00:08:46,254
loose?
369
00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:48,753
Tell everyone, "hold on, hold
370
00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:49,121
on."
371
00:08:49,121 --> 00:08:50,121
All right, hold on.
372
00:08:50,121 --> 00:08:50,721
Hold on.
373
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:51,321
Hold on.
374
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,454
I just cut loose.
375
00:08:56,254 --> 00:08:57,287
That's right, I just cut
376
00:08:57,288 --> 00:08:58,788
loose.
377
00:09:01,121 --> 00:09:02,787
Ladies, pair up, pair up.
378
00:09:02,788 --> 00:09:04,253
Q, swing dance.
379
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:05,853
Right.
380
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:06,887
It's a little bit... it's a
381
00:09:06,888 --> 00:09:08,720
little bit like...
382
00:09:08,721 --> 00:09:09,721
Right, like that.
383
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:10,221
There we go.
384
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:10,721
Look at us.
385
00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:12,987
This is a simple maneuver.
386
00:09:12,988 --> 00:09:14,087
Try and do that.
387
00:09:14,088 --> 00:09:15,520
Let's see what you got.
388
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,087
Just do some of that, yeah.
389
00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:18,721
Everybody kick.
390
00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:19,388
There you go.
391
00:09:19,388 --> 00:09:19,921
Like that.
392
00:09:19,922 --> 00:09:21,553
That is not swing dancing.
393
00:09:21,554 --> 00:09:22,754
They're doing it.
394
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:26,788
Are we having fun or what?
395
00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:30,253
Narrator: There's only so low
396
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:31,487
sal would go, so now he's
397
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,953
leading the dance on the loser
398
00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:35,653
board.
399
00:09:35,654 --> 00:09:36,820
Did you always never have
400
00:09:36,821 --> 00:09:37,221
rhythm?
401
00:09:37,222 --> 00:09:38,453
I just feel like I never had
402
00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:39,620
someone to look up to who had
403
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,820
rhythm, you know what I mean?
404
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:42,453
You never had a dance mentor?
405
00:09:42,454 --> 00:09:43,953
I always wonder about you
406
00:09:43,954 --> 00:09:44,354
guys.
407
00:09:44,355 --> 00:09:46,087
Like, when you hear a beat, what
408
00:09:46,088 --> 00:09:47,220
happens in your body?
409
00:09:47,221 --> 00:09:48,288
I feel dead inside.
410
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:52,987
We're in Times Square giving
411
00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:54,287
away free tickets to a Broadway
412
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:54,654
show.
413
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:55,687
What show, pray tell?
414
00:09:55,688 --> 00:09:56,887
We don't know what show.
415
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:57,953
The first time we see the
416
00:09:57,954 --> 00:09:59,287
tickets is the first time we're
417
00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:00,853
seeing the show title.
418
00:10:00,854 --> 00:10:02,153
If you can't convince someone
419
00:10:02,154 --> 00:10:03,121
to take tickets to this
420
00:10:03,122 --> 00:10:07,187
ridiculous show, you lose.
421
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,054
Do you guys want free
422
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:08,688
Broadway tickets?
423
00:10:08,688 --> 00:10:09,154
I can't go.
424
00:10:09,155 --> 00:10:10,253
I just don't want them to go to
425
00:10:10,254 --> 00:10:10,588
waste.
426
00:10:10,589 --> 00:10:11,653
You want free Broadway tickets?
427
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:12,820
I can't go to the show tonight.
428
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:13,887
I'm giving away my tickets.
429
00:10:13,888 --> 00:10:15,354
It's, uh...
430
00:10:17,621 --> 00:10:19,987
"Nancy Reagan on ice."
431
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:21,220
Hey, what's that show about,
432
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:21,588
buddy?
433
00:10:21,589 --> 00:10:23,087
You know, the former first
434
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:23,554
lady.
435
00:10:23,555 --> 00:10:24,887
It's not even ice capades.
436
00:10:24,888 --> 00:10:26,287
They just bring her out in a
437
00:10:26,288 --> 00:10:27,653
block of ice for a viewing.
438
00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:29,520
Nancy Reagan's alive.
439
00:10:29,521 --> 00:10:30,587
Does it interest you?
440
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,520
Would you like to go see it?
441
00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:34,620
You're leaving right now?
442
00:10:34,621 --> 00:10:35,953
Together: Ah.
443
00:10:35,954 --> 00:10:37,253
No problem, guys.
444
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,187
Could you guys use free tickets?
445
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:40,021
I can't go.
446
00:10:40,022 --> 00:10:41,053
I just want to give them away.
447
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:41,821
I'm not selling them or
448
00:10:41,822 --> 00:10:42,887
anything.
449
00:10:42,888 --> 00:10:46,420
It's, uh...
450
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:48,820
The show is called...
451
00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:49,554
"Cakes on a train."
452
00:10:49,554 --> 00:10:50,554
Have you heard of it?
453
00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:54,154
What happens in it?
454
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,021
Good question.
455
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,353
Samuel l. Jackson's pissed
456
00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:57,354
again.
457
00:10:58,588 --> 00:10:59,121
It's right here.
458
00:10:59,122 --> 00:11:02,620
It's a block away.
459
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:03,521
Thank you, guys.
460
00:11:03,522 --> 00:11:04,654
I really appreciate it.
461
00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:07,753
Guys, do you want my tickets?
462
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:08,820
They're free if you want.
463
00:11:08,821 --> 00:11:10,087
I can't use them for tonight.
464
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:10,788
Do you want them?
465
00:11:10,789 --> 00:11:11,853
It's, uh...
466
00:11:11,854 --> 00:11:14,387
The show is, um...
467
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:15,787
Uh, "the whole theater gets
468
00:11:15,788 --> 00:11:16,888
soaked."
469
00:11:18,354 --> 00:11:19,920
It's "phantom of the Oprah."
470
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:21,487
Uh, "a raisin in the shade."
471
00:11:21,488 --> 00:11:22,887
It's "céline Dion's least
472
00:11:22,888 --> 00:11:23,854
favorite hits."
473
00:11:23,855 --> 00:11:25,787
The show is, um, "back and to
474
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:26,654
the left."
475
00:11:26,655 --> 00:11:28,087
Have you heard of it?
476
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:28,821
It's, uh...
477
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,320
And what happens in that
478
00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:30,754
show?
479
00:11:30,755 --> 00:11:31,920
He's got nothing.
480
00:11:31,921 --> 00:11:32,953
He's got nothing!
481
00:11:32,954 --> 00:11:34,821
It's, uh...
482
00:11:39,288 --> 00:11:41,321
To the Kennedy assassination.
483
00:11:43,188 --> 00:11:44,720
They've got this great number in
484
00:11:44,721 --> 00:11:45,088
it.
485
00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:45,754
It's, um...
486
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:46,920
He's trying sell it.
487
00:11:46,921 --> 00:11:49,087
It's da-da-da-da-da-da, uh!
488
00:11:49,088 --> 00:11:50,454
It's back, to the left.
489
00:11:53,721 --> 00:11:55,120
So, that's a no for the tickets?
490
00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:56,121
Okay.
491
00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:57,388
Took a bullet on that one,
492
00:11:57,389 --> 00:11:59,087
buddy.
493
00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:00,088
You took a bullet on that
494
00:12:00,088 --> 00:12:00,554
one, buddy.
495
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,554
There's a second shooter.
496
00:12:05,321 --> 00:12:06,387
Hey, I got two free tickets I
497
00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:07,088
don't need tonight.
498
00:12:07,088 --> 00:12:07,654
Do you want them?
499
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,653
It's two tickets for, um, uh...
500
00:12:10,654 --> 00:12:13,554
"Mike Tyson explains pigeons."
501
00:12:15,621 --> 00:12:16,753
I don't know how much you know
502
00:12:16,754 --> 00:12:17,920
about the pigeon population here
503
00:12:17,921 --> 00:12:18,888
in New York City.
504
00:12:18,889 --> 00:12:20,320
Uh, but it's told to you by
505
00:12:20,321 --> 00:12:21,088
Mike Tyson.
506
00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:22,520
One lucky audience member gets
507
00:12:22,521 --> 00:12:23,820
punched in the throat by
508
00:12:23,821 --> 00:12:25,288
heavyweight champ Mike Tyson.
509
00:12:27,088 --> 00:12:28,420
So, I'm actually the lucky guy
510
00:12:28,421 --> 00:12:29,820
that got punched right in the
511
00:12:29,821 --> 00:12:30,521
Adam's apple.
512
00:12:30,522 --> 00:12:31,653
I'm sorry if I'm talking funny.
513
00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:32,720
He crushed my trachea when he
514
00:12:32,721 --> 00:12:33,721
punched it.
515
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,553
Would you be interested in two
516
00:12:36,554 --> 00:12:38,954
free tickets for tonight's show?
517
00:12:42,988 --> 00:12:44,320
Q, how surprised are people
518
00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:45,620
gonna be when the first words
519
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:46,987
out of your mouth are, "do you
520
00:12:46,988 --> 00:12:48,420
want free tickets?," instead of,
521
00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:51,120
"change? You got change?"?
522
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:52,088
I'm giving away tickets to a
523
00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:52,588
show tonight.
524
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:53,221
You guys want them?
525
00:12:53,221 --> 00:12:53,654
I can't go.
526
00:12:53,654 --> 00:12:54,488
I'm just giving them away.
527
00:12:54,488 --> 00:12:55,488
Hey, guys, I'm giving away
528
00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:56,454
tickets to a show tonight.
529
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:57,454
I don't want them to go to
530
00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:57,821
waste.
531
00:12:57,822 --> 00:12:59,320
It's called, uh...
532
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,253
It's called, uh...
533
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:02,388
"Laughterbirth."
534
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:05,120
What's that about?
535
00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:07,120
It's about a placenta that
536
00:13:07,121 --> 00:13:09,287
drops out, hits the ground, puts
537
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,453
on a bow tie, and starts telling
538
00:13:11,454 --> 00:13:12,454
knock-knock jokes.
539
00:13:14,421 --> 00:13:16,287
It's a comedic afterbirth.
540
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,254
"Laughterbirth."
541
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,720
Who would want to see a
542
00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:19,388
placenta?
543
00:13:19,389 --> 00:13:21,720
Do you want them?
544
00:13:21,721 --> 00:13:22,221
Uh, no.
545
00:13:22,221 --> 00:13:23,221
You don't want them?
546
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:25,887
Is like, "is this thing
547
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,721
on?"
548
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,520
I just flew in from and,
549
00:13:28,521 --> 00:13:30,588
boy, are my arms tired.
550
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:33,653
Narrator: Bill, murr, and q
551
00:13:33,654 --> 00:13:34,787
couldn't unload their tickets,
552
00:13:34,788 --> 00:13:35,953
so they're taking a seat on the
553
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:38,487
loser board.
554
00:13:38,488 --> 00:13:39,820
It never fails, when I go to
555
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:41,220
a theatrical event, that I have
556
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,587
to get up and pee in the middle.
557
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,388
You're that guy.
558
00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,188
I am that guy.
559
00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:45,387
I'm the guy sitting next to
560
00:13:45,388 --> 00:13:45,688
you.
561
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:46,820
How many pees can someone do
562
00:13:46,821 --> 00:13:47,788
before an intermission?
563
00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:48,788
Pleased to meet you.
564
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,420
Today, we're personal
565
00:13:52,421 --> 00:13:53,687
trainers at astoria sports
566
00:13:53,688 --> 00:13:55,087
complex, and we are working on
567
00:13:55,088 --> 00:13:55,921
our fitness.
568
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,387
We'll have to do and say
569
00:13:57,388 --> 00:13:59,087
whatever the other guys tell us.
570
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,787
And if you refuse, you lose.
571
00:14:00,788 --> 00:14:01,887
Hang on to your dumbbells,
572
00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:02,421
gentlemen.
573
00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:03,321
This is joker vs. Joker
574
00:14:03,321 --> 00:14:04,321
challenge.
575
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,253
You feeling confident, buddy?
576
00:14:08,254 --> 00:14:09,553
Can you figure out what that
577
00:14:09,554 --> 00:14:10,987
machine is for?
578
00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:12,420
There you go.
579
00:14:12,421 --> 00:14:13,321
You got it, buddy.
580
00:14:13,321 --> 00:14:14,188
That's how you do it.
581
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,221
Is that what it does?
582
00:14:17,488 --> 00:14:18,953
Hey, man, how you doing?
583
00:14:18,954 --> 00:14:19,521
What's up?
584
00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:20,288
What's y your name?
585
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:21,387
James, what's going on?
586
00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:22,354
That is a big dude.
587
00:14:22,388 --> 00:14:23,720
How long you been coming to
588
00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:25,687
this gym?
589
00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:27,353
I mean, look at the two of
590
00:14:27,354 --> 00:14:28,487
them side by side.
591
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:30,520
This guy must feel like he's
592
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,620
staring into a fun-house mirror.
593
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,787
Hey, sal, after this, you're
594
00:14:33,788 --> 00:14:35,087
gonna teach Bobby fischer how to
595
00:14:35,088 --> 00:14:35,621
play chess.
596
00:14:35,622 --> 00:14:36,720
Is that all right?
597
00:14:36,721 --> 00:14:38,287
Are you ready for that, buddy?
598
00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:39,687
I got a good workout for your
599
00:14:39,688 --> 00:14:40,121
calves.
600
00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:41,220
Let me grab these ropes.
601
00:14:41,221 --> 00:14:42,520
Grab those, and grab one for
602
00:14:42,521 --> 00:14:43,088
him, too.
603
00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:43,921
Step on the bands.
604
00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:44,754
Here.
605
00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:46,087
Feet about shoulder-length
606
00:14:46,088 --> 00:14:46,521
apart.
607
00:14:46,522 --> 00:14:48,087
Sal, start moving your whole
608
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:48,488
body.
609
00:14:48,489 --> 00:14:50,087
Make it as awkward as physically
610
00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:51,420
possible.
611
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:52,453
Um...
612
00:14:52,454 --> 00:14:53,687
So, I... so... so, here, you're
613
00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:54,887
gonna bend your knees a little
614
00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:56,821
bit.
615
00:14:58,654 --> 00:14:59,621
This is called the
616
00:14:59,622 --> 00:15:03,420
Wisconsin Chimichanga.
617
00:15:03,421 --> 00:15:04,753
This is called the
618
00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,154
Wisconsin Chimichanga.
619
00:15:07,088 --> 00:15:08,121
Do the whole body.
620
00:15:08,154 --> 00:15:09,154
Do the whole body.
621
00:15:14,588 --> 00:15:16,287
How are you, bud?
622
00:15:16,288 --> 00:15:17,787
Power sesh?
623
00:15:17,788 --> 00:15:19,787
Sal, only let him do one rep
624
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,487
each.
625
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,088
One rep.
626
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:22,788
One-timers.
627
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:23,853
One rep is enough.
628
00:15:23,854 --> 00:15:24,588
You ready?
629
00:15:24,588 --> 00:15:25,521
Look in the mirror.
630
00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:26,254
Count it off.
631
00:15:26,254 --> 00:15:27,121
One.
632
00:15:27,122 --> 00:15:28,287
All right.
633
00:15:28,288 --> 00:15:29,687
Now we're gonna do it at the
634
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:30,554
same exact time.
635
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:31,787
Ready?
636
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:34,221
One.
637
00:15:35,821 --> 00:15:38,520
And we're gonna go down.
638
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,587
One.
639
00:15:40,588 --> 00:15:42,887
Okay.
640
00:15:42,888 --> 00:15:44,253
Now keep him in your hand and
641
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:45,221
do one jumping Jack.
642
00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:46,253
Okay, jumping Jacks.
643
00:15:46,254 --> 00:15:47,453
Ready?
644
00:15:47,454 --> 00:15:48,421
One.
645
00:15:48,422 --> 00:15:49,520
Okay.
646
00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:51,920
That's all sal can handle.
647
00:15:51,921 --> 00:15:53,220
Feeling thaburn?
648
00:15:53,221 --> 00:15:55,088
"A little bit."
649
00:15:57,088 --> 00:15:58,220
Guys, what is this weird
650
00:15:58,221 --> 00:15:59,353
place I've found myself in?
651
00:15:59,354 --> 00:16:00,620
It's a gym.
652
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:01,588
A what?
653
00:16:01,588 --> 00:16:02,354
Gym.
654
00:16:02,354 --> 00:16:03,088
Send help.
655
00:16:03,089 --> 00:16:04,553
I don't even know what goes on
656
00:16:04,554 --> 00:16:05,121
in here.
657
00:16:05,122 --> 00:16:06,187
You better figure it out
658
00:16:06,188 --> 00:16:07,154
'cause he's coming in.
659
00:16:07,154 --> 00:16:07,954
What's up, man?
660
00:16:07,954 --> 00:16:08,554
How are you?
661
00:16:08,554 --> 00:16:08,921
Good.
662
00:16:08,921 --> 00:16:09,688
What's your name?
663
00:16:09,688 --> 00:16:10,188
Billy. Joe.
664
00:16:10,221 --> 00:16:11,154
Good to memeet you, bud.
665
00:16:11,154 --> 00:16:12,121
This guy is ripped.
666
00:16:12,154 --> 00:16:12,654
Cool. guy is ripped.
667
00:16:12,655 --> 00:16:15,287
So, you come to this gym a lot?
668
00:16:15,288 --> 00:16:16,254
What do you do to work out
669
00:16:16,254 --> 00:16:16,721
your core?
670
00:16:16,721 --> 00:16:17,688
What do you do to work out
671
00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,220
your core?
672
00:16:19,221 --> 00:16:20,088
Abs.
673
00:16:20,089 --> 00:16:21,220
What do you do to work out
674
00:16:21,221 --> 00:16:22,121
your ponytail, cupcake?
675
00:16:22,122 --> 00:16:23,953
But what... right.
676
00:16:23,954 --> 00:16:25,553
What do you, uh...
677
00:16:25,554 --> 00:16:26,288
Do it.
678
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:27,388
Do it, do it.
679
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,887
You know what I'm saying, man?
680
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:31,853
That's it, it's over.
681
00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:32,921
We're just done here.
682
00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:36,487
Narrator: Joe's training
683
00:16:36,488 --> 00:16:38,087
session didn't work out, so he's
684
00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:40,753
tonight's big loser.
685
00:16:40,754 --> 00:16:42,487
Joe is our loser, so for his
686
00:16:42,488 --> 00:16:44,153
punishment, he'll be giving a
687
00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:45,620
seminar as a relationship
688
00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:46,188
expert.
689
00:16:46,189 --> 00:16:47,387
Inside this box are love
690
00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:48,587
questions submitted by the
691
00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:49,121
audience.
692
00:16:49,122 --> 00:16:50,520
All you got to do, buddy, is
693
00:16:50,521 --> 00:16:51,754
answer each question with the
694
00:16:51,788 --> 00:16:53,187
word "yes" and then explain your
695
00:16:53,188 --> 00:16:54,220
way out of it.
696
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,653
Of course, the only thing is,
697
00:16:55,654 --> 00:16:57,153
here are the questions that the
698
00:16:57,154 --> 00:16:57,988
audience wrote.
699
00:16:57,989 --> 00:16:59,453
And here are the absolutely
700
00:16:59,454 --> 00:17:00,887
mortifying questions that we
701
00:17:00,888 --> 00:17:01,354
wrote.
702
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:02,587
Joe has no idea it was
703
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:03,653
switched.
704
00:17:03,654 --> 00:17:04,454
Just say yes.
705
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:05,821
You guys are up to something.
706
00:17:05,854 --> 00:17:07,088
Say yes.
707
00:17:09,521 --> 00:17:10,687
Hello, everyone.
708
00:17:10,688 --> 00:17:11,221
Hi.
709
00:17:11,221 --> 00:17:11,721
Hi.
710
00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:12,588
How are you?
711
00:17:12,589 --> 00:17:14,120
Thank you for coming to
712
00:17:14,121 --> 00:17:16,220
"understanding the opposite sex"
713
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:17,553
with me, Joe gatto.
714
00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:19,087
I take questions from the people
715
00:17:19,088 --> 00:17:20,420
in the audience and help you
716
00:17:20,421 --> 00:17:21,753
relate to things that you're
717
00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:22,920
going through by sharing
718
00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:24,287
experiences in my life about
719
00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:25,753
understanding the opposite sex.
720
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:26,654
I'm just gonna get started and
721
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:27,488
answer some of the questions
722
00:17:27,489 --> 00:17:29,453
that have been submitted, okay?
723
00:17:29,454 --> 00:17:31,687
Ooh, a lot of questions.
724
00:17:31,688 --> 00:17:33,387
Okay, someone asks, "as a woman,
725
00:17:33,388 --> 00:17:34,853
is it okay to make the first
726
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:35,354
move?"
727
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,620
These are the normal
728
00:17:36,621 --> 00:17:38,153
questions.
729
00:17:38,154 --> 00:17:39,653
Uh, yes, of course it's okay
730
00:17:39,654 --> 00:17:41,087
for a woman to make the first
731
00:17:41,088 --> 00:17:41,454
move.
732
00:17:41,455 --> 00:17:42,920
Women are empowered in this day
733
00:17:42,921 --> 00:17:43,454
and age.
734
00:17:43,454 --> 00:17:44,388
You should feel totally
735
00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:44,954
comfortable.
736
00:17:44,955 --> 00:17:46,120
You see something you like, get
737
00:17:46,121 --> 00:17:47,187
out there and say something,
738
00:17:47,188 --> 00:17:47,554
right?
739
00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:49,487
These are good questions, guys.
740
00:17:49,488 --> 00:17:50,321
Good work.
741
00:17:50,321 --> 00:17:50,988
Here we go.
742
00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,120
And so it begins.
743
00:17:53,121 --> 00:17:54,520
"Has your partner ever called
744
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:55,754
out someone else's name while
745
00:17:55,788 --> 00:17:56,788
making love?"
746
00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:59,220
You got to say yes.
747
00:17:59,221 --> 00:18:00,287
Uh, yes.
748
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:05,087
Uh, that has happened.
749
00:18:05,088 --> 00:18:07,187
It's embarrassing.
750
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:08,887
I've found, in my experience,
751
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,753
especially when they're with me,
752
00:18:10,754 --> 00:18:12,387
it seems that the wrong name is
753
00:18:12,388 --> 00:18:13,521
just the status quo.
754
00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:17,787
Okay.
755
00:18:17,788 --> 00:18:19,520
"My wife can be so irrational at
756
00:18:19,521 --> 00:18:20,088
times.
757
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,554
Is every woman irrational?"
758
00:18:25,221 --> 00:18:26,653
Let's just soak that in for a
759
00:18:26,654 --> 00:18:30,087
second.
760
00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,120
I've never seen him this
761
00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:31,788
nervous up top.
762
00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:32,953
You can tell how nervous he is,
763
00:18:32,954 --> 00:18:33,321
right?
764
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,687
I think I see what's up.
765
00:18:35,688 --> 00:18:36,987
He just realized that they're
766
00:18:36,988 --> 00:18:37,621
all questions.
767
00:18:37,622 --> 00:18:38,753
Yeah, buddy, we wrote them.
768
00:18:38,754 --> 00:18:40,221
Yep, that's what's happening.
769
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,288
He has to say yes.
770
00:18:48,288 --> 00:18:49,720
Oh, my god.
771
00:18:49,721 --> 00:18:51,520
He just told an audience full
772
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:52,820
of womomomen that they are
773
00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:53,821
irrational.
774
00:18:55,621 --> 00:18:57,320
"My friends think that all men
775
00:18:57,321 --> 00:18:58,653
are horrible dirtbags.
776
00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,388
Are you a horrible dirtbag?"
777
00:19:02,088 --> 00:19:03,620
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
778
00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:05,653
Of course.
779
00:19:05,654 --> 00:19:06,953
"Have you ever been impotent for
780
00:19:06,954 --> 00:19:08,821
more than a year?"
781
00:19:10,254 --> 00:19:11,888
Yes.
782
00:19:11,921 --> 00:19:13,120
Okay.
783
00:19:13,121 --> 00:19:14,620
"Have you ever made love in a
784
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,154
la-z-boy chair next to a cheese
785
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,187
fountain with a wnba player for
786
00:19:18,188 --> 00:19:19,887
charity?"
787
00:19:19,888 --> 00:19:21,321
How'd they find that out?
788
00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:25,453
"I feel like I'm the only one
789
00:19:25,454 --> 00:19:26,487
who feels this way."
790
00:19:26,488 --> 00:19:28,088
I bet you're not.
791
00:19:29,321 --> 00:19:30,720
"Have you ever been romantically
792
00:19:30,721 --> 00:19:31,988
attracted to a family member,
793
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,088
too?"
794
00:19:36,254 --> 00:19:37,154
[ Oh, yeah. R ]
795
00:19:37,154 --> 00:19:38,088
Yes, yeah.
796
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:40,220
That's natural.
797
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,353
"'S natural"?
798
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,354
No, it's not.
799
00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:43,853
And finally, "there's an
800
00:19:43,854 --> 00:19:45,553
Internet rumor going around that
801
00:19:45,554 --> 00:19:47,087
you're dating a 103-year-old
802
00:19:47,088 --> 00:19:49,188
woman."
803
00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:54,353
Yes.
804
00:19:54,354 --> 00:19:55,454
Yes.
805
00:19:57,788 --> 00:20:00,120
Uh, we talk a lot about, you
806
00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:02,521
know, world war ii...
807
00:20:04,188 --> 00:20:05,821
and world war.
808
00:20:08,621 --> 00:20:10,621
There's the love making.
809
00:20:11,854 --> 00:20:13,053
She's got the body of an
810
00:20:13,054 --> 00:20:14,453
84-year-old, so that... she's
811
00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:15,621
got that going for her.
812
00:20:17,788 --> 00:20:19,654
So, yeah, that's it.
813
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,353
Gentlemen, a job well done.
814
00:20:24,354 --> 00:20:25,321
Finally.
815
00:20:25,322 --> 00:20:26,387
It's safe to say that we
816
00:20:26,388 --> 00:20:29,888
actually got joeust now.
45819
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof