Original subtitles

Follow it up in there, Bill. Yeah, I'm ready, Bill. Well, then get the fuck...

the hell is he off to?

Yeah, that's the boss's husband, lucky bastard.

Yeah, I hear he's banging his wife's secretary.

Going to see her now?

I want you to give a dead man a hard -on right there.

Yeah, well, maybe that's how he's searing it.

Every person tells me that I'm crazy.

I haven't got a coral fancy phone.

But I just get a sense of fulfillment whenever I can give

my dog a bone.

I met women who told me that they loved me.

I met preachers who said to me Jesus died.

I've met a million wives who swore they enjoyed their lives, but I never met a

dog that lied.

My dog don't lie, but you do.

My dog don't lie like you and me.

Can I get a ride on one of your logs? Where do you come from, Angel?

Hell. It's colder up here.

Maybe you need some more clothes.

Just give me a joint and I'll be fine. Forget it. I don't smoke.

Isn't he too little to be out on his own?

You shouldn't pee in the sink, you know.

Are you crazy?

And I wasn't peeing.

Don't play dumb. I felt your eyes all over my ass.

Come on, you're still a kid.

You could be my... Shut up and get it hard.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Look here, young lady. Look here. I decide what's under my pants.

Every person tells me that I'm crazy.

I haven't got a far off fancy phone.

I just get a thing off the phone.

Whenever I can give my dog a bone.

I met women who told me that they loved me.

I met preachers who said to me Jesus died.

I met a million wives who swore they enjoyed their lives.

Never met a dog that lied.

My dogs don't lie, but you do.

My dogs don't lie like you and me.

George. How hard is it to remember phone number 5283? My birthday.

Thank God. Watch the gun.

You scared the shit out of me. What do you think you did coming out with a gun?

It's not even loaded.

Don't point the gun at me, okay? Don't point the gun at me. Come on, it's not

even loaded.

What did I just say? What did I just say?

Look what you did. Can you even remember four simple numbers?

Stop changing the combination every day.

Yeah, how much did you have to drink down at the Italian American

and Wine Oats Club? Look, look, I have to write an ethics, and you please keep

it down. I'm going back to sleep.

Jesus, Mom.

I just hauled two loads back to back.

I'm tired, okay?

Well, I don't want to hear another noise. Please.

Okay. Do you want me to come with you? To do what? Come on.

Dad, I'm in the middle of a game. Please.

Don't. That's why. You don't want to play a game with me? I have to write a

paper. Why is this hard for you to understand?

Okay. Write your paper. Write your paper. That's what you want to do.

If you see your sister, tell her Father would love to see her now and then.

Okay?

You know, you're always mean to me now.

Always.

That's because you asked for it.

No.

No, I don't ask for it.

I don't ask for it.

Your Italian cousin made it, and he never taught you how to use it. I've

this enough. Now don't break it.

All right.

Oh.

My favorite napkin.

Yeah. Italian artists, but I think you should have them send you another one.

It's sentimental value to me. I love it.

It reminds me of my childhood.

Here you go.

There you go.

What is that?

It's male soy protein. It's good for you.

Remember, we're watching your cholesterol.

You don't like eating healthy?

What is it?

You are watching your cholesterol.

I'm not watching my cholesterol.

You are.

Come on. Eat it.

Okay. I am not eating this. What is this?

What is it? It's good for you.

The prick of a midget.

Yeah.

Whatever.

It's just that... You better get down to the sawmill. They're waiting for you.

Come on.

Good morning, Mrs. Olivieri.

Uh, is Darcy alongside?

She's in the stall, Mrs. Olivieri.

Topaz is much better.

The vet caught it in time.

Shh. What is it?

Leptospirosis.

Must have got bitten by a mouse.

She's great with him, if anything.

She's too fond of him.

Let's go.

Morning.

Morning.

I hear the horse is fine.

Thank God.

And what about that friend of yours?

Come on, it's not what you think.

It isn't? But then I look at that butt and body of his, and I realize what a

good liar you've become.

Ursula, please, don't fall in love with stable hands. What are you saying?

Stable hands are subhuman?

No, all I'm saying is that when two people are from different backgrounds,

just doesn't work.

I don't even want to go to Italy. Why can't I just stay here?

You'd rather I left you here alone with this Alex guy for a few days?

Nothing's going on, okay?

Especially since Alex is gay.

Is what?

Are you kidding me?

Look, he doesn't want anyone to know, so don't you dare tell him that I told

you. Now my lips are sealed.

Okay, let's go.

Alex?

First, what tells me you're gay?

Uh... Yes.

Relax, I think it's wonderful.

You know... This trip will be the first time I'm going to be away from business

since it started.

Well, it would be so lonely here without you.

I was thinking about that last night.

Why don't you come along?

Do you really want me to come?

Are you sure you're not going to change your mind?

I can already see myself stranded with all of your relatives.

I would love that. I've always dreamed of going to Italy.

But do you think we have to check with Mr. Olivier first?

No, he loves surprises.

Every person tells me that I'm crazy.

I haven't got a car or fancy home, but I just get a sense

of fulfillment whenever I can give my dog a bone.

I met women who told me that they loved me.

I met preachers who said to me Jesus died.

I met a million wives who swore they enjoyed their lives, but I Never met a

dog that lied.

My dog don't lie, but you do.

My dog don't lie like you and me.

Your problem's not physical.

It's here.

But there is a medication.

If I were to prescribe that to you, it'd be like putting a Band -Aid on it.

I've had problems like yours.

In the past.

I had a wife. She abused me. My daughter made up horrible lies about me. And I

wasn't a man anymore.

Women were the ones.

It was the women who did it to me.

Okay?

Would you like a cigarette?

They're very good.

Solution. There's only one solution.

Can you give me your hand?

Can you give me your hand?

Give it to me.

Don't be shy. You are so beautiful.

So handsome.

I don't understand.

I love the tango.

Yeah.

But I need a partner. He left me two weeks ago.

Would you... Can I kiss you?

Kiss?

What are you, nuts?

You're late.

I took a wrong turn, sorry.

You drive the same roads day after day. What a genius you must be to screw that

up. Come on.

I'm late because I got my lovely wife a little present.

What is it?

It's a little baby porcupine.

Look how cute that is. Look at that.

Oh, God.

It's infested with fleas. It's a little baby.

Oh, what a lovely one. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Maybe she tries sitting on it or something.

There's a love missing.

Probably fell off the trunk.

Oh, one falls off every trip? The road is bumpy. You know, sometimes they fall

off. Big deal.

What are you doing?

Building a fucking log cabin?

Watch your voice. Don't swear.

You're supposed to be a lady.

Oh, listen.

If she ever catches on, you'll be okay.

But I'll be out on my ass.

I'll protect your ass. Don't worry about it. Because if you don't get your act

together by the time we get back from Italy... You are not coming.

Me and my wife are going. Not you.

Listen to that. Your wife invited me to come along.

um

Let's just walk. It's right at the top there. Come on, come on, walk.

Come on, we've got all the houses right there. We've got the luggage and all.

We're going to leave the cars here. Leave the cars here. We're in the middle

the road.

Give me one lesson instead. I'm sorry.

Come on.

Come on.

Look at this thing. How are we going to go on? Stop in the middle of the road,

Dad. This is what they do here.

That's what they do because they don't get that kind of car.

They just don't get that kind of car.

You're doing okay, especially if you send a donation.

Oh, man, this is old.

See, you can't get a car through here.

Look, they're waiting for us on the other side. Okay, get ready.

They'll be here any second now.

They'll be coming from that side, there.

What's the matter?

Is that

your wife?

My wife's family.

Nice to meet you.

Hello.

Bravo, bravo. And this is your wife.

Oh, wonderful.

Everyone come this way, please. No, no, no.

But straight ahead.

Yes, ahead.

Don Fortunato was very fond of you. He said you sent a donation to the church

every year.

Follow me, please.

Look at this. It's freezing in here.

Freezing.

That car ride was not great.

Oh, look at this. With all the relatives you've got, why are we staying here?

Look in there, kids. I told you.

It's a house for the religion.

We're seven people. What are we going to say? Isn't it nice out there? It's

beautiful. Listen, does our room have a bath?

No, none of the rooms have a bathroom in the room, but it's right down the hall

right outside the room I'll put you the room right next to the bed. Can we stay

in a hotel?

We got a problem, kid. Like a Hilton, a Ramada, a Motel 6.

Excuse me, honey, honey, you think there might be a skating rink around here

somewhere? I'm sure there's a skating rink, Mom. Come on, you and your skating

rink. Get out of here. It's not even a bathroom. It's an hour. Come on. Take

to bed. Come on. Can you start and then everybody falls?

I'm just... I'm more practical than you are.

You just don't know things.

I don't know.

Maybe one time we could have a good time. One time.

It's been months.

I'm not busy now.

What the hell is this? What does that say up there?

It means man begins at dusk and then to dusk he returns. It's like ashes to

ashes, like in the Bible.

But he didn't.

Then what?

Turned to ashes?

Okay, Grandpa.

My romantic Italian vacation.

Just like I pictured it.

You look so beautiful in black.

Oh, thanks.

Have you ever worn leather?

Are you saying my brown leather jacket?

No. I mean all black leather.

Head to toe.

With black high boots?

Isn't it sweaty?

Do you believe in life after death?

After death, I'm still waiting to see if there's life before.

When you find out, let us know.

What's wrong with you? You look like you could suffer.

I am.

My feet are killing me.

I want to be cremated.

When? Today?

Very funny.

You know, when my time comes, I want my ashes to be scattered over a shining

iceberg at sunrise.

Will you do that, Bill, at sunrise?

How about noon?

You know I hate to get up early.

Bill. People always say something profound and something wise before they

I don't know. Did he say anything?

I don't know.

What were Don Furtado's last words?

He sat up in bed and said, I feel better today.

Look at that.

Santino, what's the recipe?

I will give you the recipe.

Now you take the pigeon, put a nail in his head on the wall.

Wait till the flesh rots.

So the bird falls on the floor, and you know it's ripe.

Disregard the worms, because once you've got it, and you get the intestines out,

and you make it into a paste, the worms add a flavor.

Spread it on toast.

He loves it like that.

So the traditions are sacred.

Excuse me. I better go see if he's okay, all right?

He's okay.

I'll be right back. You go right ahead.

Come with me.

Come with me.

What?

Where are you going?

What's going on?

Don't you want to try the toast?

Fifi. I'm so ashamed to be married to such a peasant. You know what?

I'm going for a walk.

I'll put up with this a bit.

You like it, eh?

Yeah, it's my favorite.

Look, madame.

Madame, may I help you, please?

Absolutely.

Wait, wait, wait. A little beaky.

Here.

Thank you.

A little sauce for you. You'll never have this in Greenwich Village.

Here, look, I'll give you with the claw. The left claw.

Peep, peep, peep, peep.

Bon appetit.

Italian turkey.

Let's have something edible. We are not all barbarians like my father.

Good. We never had a pigeon before.

Come with me. I don't know.

George, don't do this to me. George.

Whatever you're having, honey, I'll have two. You know, there wasn't much meat

on that turkey.

Oh, don't tell me you ate it. No, I didn't eat it. But I tried. You tried

tried, I tried. I figured, what can you do? Of course, you'll try anything. When

you're in another country, you have to try the food.

Do you like butterflies?

I don't.

Have you got this one in your collection?

That's a funny place for a butterfly.

No, it's not the right time.

What's the matter with you? I'll be out of it.

What's the problem?

Nothing.

Who am I talking to?

Things, you know.

I got things on my mind. No, money.

You can't tell us.

It's a little embarrassing, you know. A little embarrassing to talk about.

Why? What's the problem?

You mean men and women stuff?

Something with women, yeah.

Women? What women?

Oh, God.

This?

Oh. Oh, God.

Yeah? Oh, God.

Will you cut it off?

Do not laugh. Do not laugh. That ever happen to you?

What'd you do?

I have a tenant.

Albino. Yeah.

He's magical.

He casts spells.

That's right. I'm being serious, okay? I'm being serious. I got a goddamn hard

-on that would chase a dinosaur.

When can you take me to this guy?

I need a full moon.

All right.

You might cry.

We've been here three days, and you still haven't come to my room.

My uncle. We just buried him.

What am I supposed to do?

Make off while I'm grieving?

And how long will this grieving last? I don't know.

Until... Until there's a full moon.

Full moon?

It's an Italian custom.

You grieve, and then when there's a full moon, you can celebrate again.

Okay?

And when is full moon?

In two, three days.

Like three days maximum. And then I promise you, I promise you, it will make

best love we ever made, ever. I promise.

No, I promise.

Either you give it to me, or I'll give it to you.

What does that mean?

I have a lot on my mind, actually.

You said, you know, you were going to help me with Albino, and you haven't

anything about that.

Albino is all taken care of.

Tomorrow it's a full moon.

Right. I'll come and pick you up after dinner. No more problem.

Holy shit, there he is.

Commissioner.

Oh, hello, senor.

Where you go?

This will be the best surprise for my brother, who has been so far away from

dear family.

Now, there isn't another lunch, is there?

Look, look. Go away.

Oh, yellow, you are about to relive your past.

I made this for you.

You guys are fucking maniacs. You guys are fucking crazy.

Sorry, maybe Jackie didn't realize they are our relations.

Who's that one there with the funny arm?

That's Uncle Rigoletto.

He suffered from priapism.

Priapism. And he always kept his hand there, even when he died.

Let's hope it's not hereditary.

You're my brother.

And I love you. But you're sick.

Sick in the head.

You have a real sick gambling problem. If you gamble the way the family

I mean... It's a good idea. It works.

I want to do what they were doing before.

And

this

is just for today.

And tomorrow, leftovers.

And then, blood pudding. And what's left?

Oh, we will make ice cream.

Nothing goes to waste here, eh? You wanted a hot dog, ma 'am.

Hell of a piece, eh? Here, the left shoulder of one pig keeps a family going

weeks. I'm not like Joe Pascoe. Already run two bottles of wine. Maybe more

space on the table, no? World class, eh? I want you to look very closely at that

disgusting spectacle, because that's exactly what I'm going to do to your

father. Your daughter is it, Missy, though?

It's okay.

You see your mother? You see what a nasty, she's always nasty to me.

Oh, I'm nasty.

She's always fighting you two.

You know, that butcher kind of reminds me of Johnny Weissmuller.

I could take him with one finger.

One finger.

No fighting.

Let's think about dating.

Oh, look.

Look at the beautiful sausages they are preparing for us.

See, it's a primitive ritual. It's kind of how thin the vanilla society really

is. God, there you go.

Ritual fulfills desire in a context devoid of meaning. Shut up. I'm trying

concentrate. I'm not throwing up. We can get this in the States.

I'll bring home a barrel.

Anyway,

I think it's beautiful.

Ahmed, a toast to you for the beautiful pig that you brought from my family to

eat. My ungrateful family.

But thank you all of you for being here.

Cheers!

How do you know my name?

Javier Roque.

Javier Roque.

If you don't use it, you lose it.

You feel better now? I feel much better.

Javier Roque.

What's the matter?

I have a dream.

We have the gate.

You go away.

Come with me.

Honor such as, honor such as, honor such as.

Good.

Help me?

Yes.

What is that?

Gall of goat melted down in oil of nuts.

From the witches of Benvinuto.

It smells awful.

Yes. Now you.

Sprinkle the sixth member.

Good.

Now, relax.

Hey, please be careful with that.

Please be careful.

Please.

Go get the stone and the kidney and take your time.

She's gone now.

What do you think?

To me, he looks a little frightened.

Oh, yes.

Yes. Can you help me?

What did she say to you?

Take away that limp rope?

I never want to see it again?

What disrespect.

You know, ladies, you shouldn't behave that way.

For three millennia, you worshipped that thing.

You swooned at the mere sight of it.

You fell down in worship before it.

And now you call it that piece of limp rope, that silly dangling thing.

If you don't show more respect, he's going to go away and he's never going to

come back. And you're never going to see him again.

And then where will you be?

With no family, no children, no pleasure.

Take the stone, Governor.

Squeeze the stone.

Say it. Squeeze the stone.

And ever hard my bone.

ever hard my bone.

Good.

Will this work?

Yes.

Take it with you, Pilgrim. Put it in your pocket.

I'm cured?

Yes. That's it?

That's it.

Well, Dad tells us that he did a lot of good work for the town. Good work?

That one?

Mind you, something was a long shot, you know. But, you know, this is a small

town. People talk. They are very malicious.

You've got to taste this.

It's very sweet.

I think I'm going to stick to the biscuits.

No nonsense.

Life to be enjoyed. Come on, drink it.

Not that I can enjoy life anymore, you know, not since my husband died.

Dr. Briske, do come in.

Good afternoon.

Hello. Let me introduce you to my American relative. They're here for a

days. This is Dr. Briske. He's here to bring the girls their vitamins.

Just one moment. I'll put them back.

Oh, doctor, you didn't forget my little pills also? They're in there?

Of course not.

Thank you so much for dropping in.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Goodbye, doctor.

Ah, Dr. Briske. He's a sound chemist, you know.

It's like a member of the family, you know.

He brings the girl their vitamins.

So many vitamins.

They should be healthy.

And relax.

Maybe you should try it with the wife.

And if it works, then you go with the secretary.

And then we can talk business.

Santino, why don't you come in? Come and join us.

Oh, no, pretty lady.

I have much to do.

Bye.

Is this beautiful or what? What the hell is that?

Are you kidding?

Ever since I was a kid and I saw that movie, The Knights of the Round Table, I

wanted one of these, and I got it. How the hell do you expect to get that thing

home?

Maybe it can go on economy.

But first, I'm going to get a tree, and I'm going to carve it into a horse, and

I'm going to put him on it.

Now, screw the tree, dear.

First, I go skating.

No, tree first, then you can go ice skating. No, skating first. Okay,

guys. Dad, please find Mama Pond. There must be some ice somewhere.

What if I can't find any?

Well, head for Alaska.

How's that?

Alaska.

And then in the States, it's just weird because it's like...

Everyone is stuck in this soulless struggle for wealth, like the idea of

American dream of getting property and getting cars. Like, if that's going to

make you happy, then I don't... Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry. I'm speaking like a mile a minute, aren't I?

Here. It's in English.

Easy.

The Seducer's Guide. Yeah.

That's your seducer. By Kierkegaard.

Yeah. Yeah? I read this in... Have you read it? Yeah, yeah, in Philosophy 101.

Oh, okay.

Have you?

It's mine, yes.

He too believes that philosophy and existence are one and the same.

But he also says that the static in life lies in the search for pleasure, in the

sense of seduction.

Yeah, but I mean, that's just for, like, beginners. Like, you can't look at it

as, like, the only thing that's out there.

Because he starts off with the spiritual phase, and then he moves to the ethical

phase.

Just... Not so fast. Not so fast. Sorry.

Do you remember the second part? Did you read it?

Yeah.

The second part is the most interesting one.

It is?

Yeah.

If you want, we can start with that.

I'll be your seducer.

My body is yours now. And then I'll take it back. You can write that in your

diary.

What are you doing?

Relax.

It's just a game.

Don't worry, no.

Please, just get off me.

What's going on?

Look, dear, I think you should read less and learn how to love.

Only women have the gift of seduction. Okay.

Do it more often.

It's more fun than a book.

Glad you've come home. You're happy here, aren't you?

We realized after when you were happy in the moment.

Do you ever regret leaving Italy?

You know, you only regret the things that you don't do.

You understand?

Jay, put me in there.

I'm going to be fine with you and Mom.

Yes. You see?

I love her a lot.

So much.

It's okay.

Still my baby.

To the Almighty, every day we confront with the evils in the world.

Evils which perhaps will continue to exist after we will be gone.

But we know that only the Spirit can give us the strength to combat those

and build a different world.

Oh Lord, take us by the hand, you who are love.

And remind us, remind those who seek you but do not know it.

I'm sorry. I heard the singing, so I came in. It's okay. You're welcome.

Do you want to sing?

Do you want to sing?

Maybe.

Our search is sometimes made blind by doubt until it's illuminated by the

Do not despise your errors.

Just work hard so that the mute lights up not a straw fire, but a knock fire.

I don't even know what to do. My mom's Jewish.

The house of God is open to all.

Shalom Aleichem Shalom, shalom, shalom

aleichem

You want to go to a disco?

Let's go.

Great, let's go.

We got

him. We got him. Honey, no hard feelings?

Oh.

No hard feelings, baby.

All right.

Let's go get him.

Thank you.

God, you're strong.

You could deck a buffalo.

Yeah, but I can be a little difficult sometimes, too.

Oh. Yeah, well, that's one of the reasons why I love you.

Oh.

Listen.

Listen, do you hear what they're playing?

Do you remember that?

Our first time?

It hasn't always been easy, has it, honey?

No. But we've always come through it together.

That's it. That's it.

We've always come through it together. I bet.

Have you still got your wedding ring?

Are you kidding?

What?

Yours?

You were going at it.

Pretty hot and heavy over there, you know. I still can.

Hey, looky here.

You know, I read somewhere where a falling tree makes more

noise than a growing forest.

I'd like to think that we helped that forest grow.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, whatever you say.

All I know is you're always talking about trees.

Bill?

Bill?

You got it in the wrong place. I think you're screwing the cushion.

There,

there. Oh, yes.

Make me crazy like you used to.

Where's Jackie?

She went to bed early.

Good. There's a big moon out tonight.

Yeah? I went to the gym and I got so sweaty.

I had to take a long, hot shower.

You did, huh?

And rub soap all over.

All over?

All over.

On my bed.

And down, down, down.

My pussy.

Your pussy?

Mm -hmm.

Either you have a gun in your pocket, or you're very happy to see me.

Oh, baby, you're so hard.

What's this?

Don't, all right?

Listen.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Where is it?

Listen, maybe we should go, okay? I gotta go, all right? Bullshit. You can't

it off on me anymore?

It's me, okay?

Carol.

Where are you going?

Where are you going? What are you doing?

Just let me go.

Hey, that's my wife's room right there.

I know that.

What do you mean you know that?

No, listen.

Don't. It's not funny.

She'll kill us both. Listen to me. It's not funny. I need to get fucked.

You get it?

I'm upset today.

I'm upset. You?

Yeah, I'm upset. You're right.

Come on. I can't.

Don't. Don't worry about it.

Cunts. What are you doing here?

I couldn't sleep.

I heard you go, so I followed you.

Dario Geronte.

Who is he? He was the town blacksmith.

That's the count.

I knew him.

Great guy.

Great manners.

Dies on All Souls Day not to upset the townspeople.

It's true.

Walter Brosney.

Carmela Conti.

This one, I don't know.

Anna Gretchi.

Oh, man.

That was my first girlfriend.

I wonder what happened to her.

That's terrible.

She was my first kiss.

She was my youth.

Oh. Are we leaving?

No, but you are.

The rest of it is in the car.

But what about last night?

God, it's been a long time since anyone touched me like that. With such passion

and tenderness. Carol, thank you.

But I just don't see much of a future in it.

I enjoy working with you, dear, but somehow I can't quite picture you as

soulmate material.

Oh, you mean not like Olivier, huh?

The man has been cheating on you all along.

And the only reason why I didn't spend last night fucking his brains out is

because he can't get it up.

I know.

He suffered terribly.

Sometimes I wish I could help him. Sometimes I wish I could kill him.

Still, he is my man.

And just maybe...

I love him.

Let me see your face.

Something's different.

Did you get laid?

Why is it always about sex with you?

Come on.

See this place?

See this place? I made love to hundreds of girls in these parts.

Nowadays, the girls are all nasty. They tell you to go fuck off.

So find another reason for living.

You know, you've come back...

Tiddly, you've come back to your roots, and all you can talk about is sex.

You know, why don't you just forget it?

When the situation changes, we have to adapt.

Where'd you read that, in a book?

Sometimes I stop reading and I think.

Blow down. Stop acting crazy.

Oh, shit.

Dad?

Now, that wasn't smart, was it?

You're like a kid sometimes.

Dad, there's something I need to tell you, and I need you to try to understand

this time.

It's an irrational attraction, and I'm afraid of the consequences.

What's the matter? You in love with a married woman?

When I go back, I want to change my major.

Do what?

I want to study theology.

I had other plans for you.

Why?

I don't know.

Since when do you care?

You sure you don't want to think it over? I mean, you're young. Why do you

to make such a quick decision?

I'm making the right choice.

All right.

You won't be losing a son. I'll just be gaining a father.

Great.

Okay. It's easier to give than to take away.

Give me a hug.

Okay, kid. Don't worry. Ursula can look after the business.

Dad, wake up.

Who are you yelling at?

Dead. In a cemetery.

And you were there too.

Dressed as a priest.

I have to go back home.

Family emergency.

George, can you take care of the train station?

Sure.

Don't sweat it, Oliviero. If you can't find your balls, you can borrow your

wife's.

Is that Nora?

about last night?

There's one more reason to be mad at me, right?

Look, you have a good family, you have money, you have a good business, you

a good claim.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, even here, everybody thinks you do everything.

I'm just along for the ride, you know? I'm just the dad who comes along. Well,

that's why you're mad at me?

Because I did my best and it's working out?

What do you think? That I'm having fun doing this?

You know, I do hope to regain the services of a husband one day soon.

Look at me.

Just look at me.

You know, virility is not just an erect penis.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

That's exactly it.

That's all you ever wanted me for.

Olivero!

Saltino, he's in prison.

He's in prison? Yeah.

The police this morning have done.

Okay, come down, come down. Tell me slow.

Yeah, ask him if he paid bribes.

Okay, I'll go get him. Don't worry about it. Please. Okay.

Please. Okay.

He won't be okay. Oh, please. Don't worry about it. And tomorrow it will be

Olivia's favor.

It's okay.

Anita!

Oh, yeah, you are.

Oh, Olivia.

The shame. The shame that we bring on the family.

I know. Well, we got to do something.

We got to do something.

Lina and Mariolina.

They locked themselves in. They're in there.

I'm confused.

What about Santino? What do they have to do with Santino?

Santino.

Girls!

Was it Santino?

What are you talking about?

Tatino is in jail.

Did you hear?

Or you don't know?

Who cares?

I've got two hobos in there.

Both pregnant.

Not hurting, okay? No one's hurting anybody.

No one's gonna kill anybody, okay?

Okay, we're coming in, me and your mom.

Mom's calm.

Mom's calm. We're all calm.

Don't be afraid.

Everything's okay.

You're calm, Mom. Mom is calm.

Okay.

You have to tell us the name of the young boy, the little young boy that

you pregnant.

What were their names?

Name, boy.

Okay. Mom's calm. Mom's calm.

Okay. Mom is calm.

Okay.

One young boy made you both pregnant.

Okay, that's okay.

Can you say the name of the young boy that made you pregnant?

Dr. Pietro!

The chemist? Oh my God!

Mr.

Olivieri, something terrible has happened.

This is something serious.

Archimedes, they found him hanging at the rock.

Yesterday.

He lost everything, playing cards.

The land, the money, and the house.

Where's my brother? Where is he now?

He's hiding somewhere in the field.

We'll be out on the street.

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Let me go! Let me go!

go! Let me go!

Stop!

Stop the parachute!

Put the gun down.

Put the gun down!

They won't be there.

Who is there?

Santino. That fool Santino.

To tell them that.

If I'm dead, then the diet will be wiped out.

Because of the cards.

I thought you were so good at cards.

I am, yes.

Just a moment. How could you do that?

I need just a little more.

Because why?

Because why? Wait. Because why? In the last game.

Yes. Listen to me. What are you, crazy? Are you crazy with the gambling? Are you

crazy with the gambling?

Have you lost your mind? Have you lost your mind?

Look at me. When they read the will, I swear to God.

Uncle, let me anything. I'll give you half of it. But no more gambling!

To continue.

To Dr. Pietro, who charitably took care of my earthly maladies,

I leave my gold pillbox.

Oh, I've had peace, eh?

To Maria, my housekeeper, I leave an annuity of 3 ,000 euros.

As she is thrifty, she will know how to use it.

Now that I have finished reading the bequests, let us move on to the reading

the decuius arrangement, the deal with the bot of the property.

Decuius? Must be someone we don't know.

Ladies and gentlemen, please pay attention. Maybe a distant relative.

less.

There is a post office saving account.

In the amount of 1 ,800 euros. Oh, that's a pretty good amount.

1 ,800 euros?

Maybe it's for you.

There is a vast piece of land that stands where Via dell 'Angelo Custode

with the motorway that is to be built.

Ah, that must be the area that transformed the church on down to the

A lot of land. Jesus Christ, it's a lot of land.

And there is a Swiss bank account.

What? It's taken some time to trace.

I think Dad knew he had one.

The account is in dollars.

In the amount of 6 .3 million dollars.

Oh, did you hear that?

It's been kept in the Swiss bank. How could a priest have so much money? 6

million dollars.

How about that? 6 million dollars.

Come.

I'm going to read the exact words in the will.

It doesn't look so good for our size. One member of the family who, above all,

has shown great faith and devotion.

What does that mean?

He has done this by always donating generously to the feast day of the

saint. I therefore leave the balance of my assets... To my deserving nephew,

Oliviero Olivieri. Yes.

Wow.

Rob.

How can all the money go to you? That's what he did.

You. We are right. Filthy thief.

You won't get away with it.

Shut up, you bitch. You don't talk to my husband like this.

We're going to solve this. In the same way. We can solve this.

I have a present for my American cousin, too.

Come back soon.

I'll be waiting.

Nice room.

The ceiling is beautiful.

Needs some restoration work.

We'll be in touch.

Nobody else is coming. We might as well start.

At least all the family's here.

Let's have a toast to the family.

Merry Christmas.

Merry, merry, merriest.

Come on, Bill. Grab a knife and start cutting.

Wait,

wait. Before we begin, seeing as it's Christmas, I have an announcement I'd

to make.

Really?

When we go home, I'm marrying Alex.

What?

You're not pregnant, are you?

No. Mom, do I look pregnant? I'm not pregnant. I'm in love.

He asked you to marry him. I asked him to marry me. A gay stable boy. Mom,

yes, a stable boy. He's a stable boy. Get over it. But he's not gay.

He is gay. She told me. You don't know that he's gay. You haven't seen them

together. You don't know.

He could be. Why did you lie to me?

Mom, please.

Like, say something.

Of course.

Honey, do you really love him?

Of course I do.

Well, go for it, baby. Go for it.

That's just great. Thank you.

Thanks a million.

On you, I'm never even going to bother asking you because you're like the

freaking poet. Oh, come on, Mom.

But you, on the other side, could take a stand at this point.

Just, can you please talk some sense into her? Just for once in your life,

a stand.

For once in my life? Yes.

You want me to take a stand?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll take a stand.

Ursula, if you want to marry the boy, marry the boy. Do whatever you want.

You're an adult.

I want you to be happy.

Come on, lighten up. Have fun.

She's in love. She loves him. Yeah.

Baby, come and rush into my arms.

Come and tell me what a great father I am.

Come and tell me how much you love me.

Yeah, good girl, good girl. I love you.

But remember, you're engaged.

You don't have to get married right away. Yeah, think about it. Oh, come on,

Grandpa, we're starving. Let's carve this thing up.

Yeah.

All right, I'm going to do it.

What? Okay.

I'm so hot.

I need some air.

Eat, everybody, eat.

Eat, eat.

Don't worry about me.

Maybe I...

You're the greatest.

Was I?

Mm -hmm.

Do you want to do it again?

Yes.

But that would be another hundred euro.

For what?

I'm a whore.

What do you mean?

That's my job.

I'm a prostitute.

I thought

you were a dream.

I could be both.

You're the last real woman left.

All the other women are off to war.

War against men.

100 euros.

100 euros, right?

Feel me hard again?

Yes. Can you feel me hard again? Yes. Yes? Yes.

Okay.

Thank you.

We're still in here, we're alone.

We're still living.

We must have had another one of your dreams.

We're still real.

And it was great.

It was great.

I'm back.

I'm back.