Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all we are.

But they don't give a monkey's down at the age of ten, and they call it I'll be

pension for a star.

No, it won't be very long before I'm pi -er -stine, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just cause in sickness

in health, boss, that I'll do.

It's just me signing out, foster daughters.

bloody service to us, is it, the people that live down here? Don't be so narrow.

Have a thought for others who sit in their predicament.

Then what's this?

Help the agent?

What agent?

Well, we're two of them here.

You're all of them if I know you.

And how long's he been in that chair?

He was down at Derby and Jones Club last night tangoing and trying to get his

leg over with a merry widow.

You know what they say, wouldn't you?

The one issue clear off and let us go with our work, eh? You're only jealous

because you never thought we'd be...

There's all these streets round here, lying empty, football round the corner.

You've got to show a bit of entrepreneurialism, mate. You want to

bucks and get on in this world.

So I would say that's it.

You've got to be with it, mate. You'll be where it's at.

Hold on.

It's you again, is it, Mr Garnet?

Listen, I'd put something in your milk if it wasn't for Mrs Ollingbury might

drink it.

Yeah, and never mind about Mrs Ollingbury. I'm going to put something

milk. I'm going to...

I know me friends are. It's kick -off in ten minutes.

Oh, right, yeah. You grab the wheelchair.

Hang on, I'm

starting

a paper round next week.

A paper round?

Yeah. Well, Lord Beaverbrook's starting a paper round.

Look where he finished up.

Ah, yes, but he was only a young lad, though, when he started.

Age, Michael, is all in the mind.

Is it?

It's in my bloody legs, too.

And in my back.

Napping bench, are they? Yeah. Well, that's what they say.

I don't know why I didn't start on it years ago.

It was my education that held me back.

The lack of it, you mean?

Oh, that, too, yeah.

So I never had a chance at university.

You don't need university to do a paper route.

That's just a start, Michael. Remember, even...

begins with a single step.

Who's that, Shakespeare?

Either him or me.

Most probably him. He wrote about most things.

It shapes our ends, rough -hew them as we may.

Shakespeare? Very likely.

Here's another one.

A rose by any other name.

I've still got thorns.

It's part of journey.

Yeah. He's born round here in Stratford, Winnie.

Stratford East.

Local lad.

Down the road, isn't it?

I see a play of his once on the telly. Good story about a mad prince.

Hamlet. Who? The cigar fella.

That's the one.

See, he comes home off of his holidays in Denmark to find that his uncle's

poisoned his father, who is the king, and is now having a way with his mum,

who's the queen.

Very nice, I'm sure.

No wonder that lad went mad, wouldn't you?

I mean, how would... Prince Charles like it. Hey, if he come home from his polo,

he'll find his dad, the Duke of Edinburgh, with a dose of arsenic in his

hole. And his mum, I imagine the Queen, having her way with his murderer.

And of course, she wouldn't. She's above that sort of thing. But it just shows

you the dangers of your permissible society.

Oh, you've got your poetry there.

Yeah? It's coming out of you.

Do you think that would have been any help with the pipe around?

Well, it couldn't do no harm, could it? I mean, you take Rupert Murdoch.

He has your poetry.

And your Getty.

And your Grade. Lower Grade. Lower Grade, yes. They all had the poetry.

Everybody who was anybody in this country, from your professors at your

university right up to your captains of industry, all had the poetry, have read

your Shakespeare.

So there must be something about business in it.

To be or not to be.

Now, that must be about something.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Yeah, well, that's about business, isn't it?

British business. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.

Shakespeare. Yeah.

And he was born round here.

Local lad.

Blimey, he knew a thing or two, didn't he, eh?

All these books.

Bloody waste.

There'll be no reason.

Hey.

Yes? I'm looking for the Shakespeare. Do you know where it is? The pub or the

poet?

The poet for now. I do me drinking in the Lord Tennyson.

Which Shakespeare do you want?

Well, how many are there? I only thought there was one.

I meant, which play do you want?

What do you mean, like, what story?

If you like.

Well, I don't want the Hamlet. I've already seen that.

Anything to do with paper rounds?

Aye.

Like, entrepreneurialism, you know, anything like that.

Nothing to do with the poetry, more to do with getting on.

Do you want a do -it -yourself book?

Did he write some of those?

Is that by him?

No. Seems to be out.

Who's got it? I can't disclose that information.

Give me a second.

It's old Mr Carey. He's got it. He lives down that street. He's a window

cleaner. Oh.

He's had it over a year.

I called that overdue. Right.

Entrepreneurism, like. I should have gone into business years ago. I don't

why I didn't. I mean, look at old Mr Carey's business. I mean, it was only a

small business when he started out.

Oh, it's still a small business.

He offered you a part -time job, didn't he? Yeah, part -time's no good to me,

Michael. Well, what's his paper round going to be, then? It's only a morning

job. Yeah, but it's room to expand with it. I mean, all right, I've only got 40

houses to start with, but I can turn that into 60 houses, 100 houses.

1 ,000 houses, 2 ,000 houses.

You're lucky he dug too, the speed he walks.

Besides, see, I was old Mr Carey's foreman in the old days. See, he was

me. Well, if I worked for him, I couldn't be under him, could I?

What do you call your protocol, you see? Oh, you've got to watch the protocol.

You can't reverse the order. No, you can't reverse that. Won't work.

It wouldn't work. Wouldn't be fair to him, see. I mean, after all them years

his master, we'd be embarrassed, see.

I mean, I was very important in his life.

I was the one who, well, it was me who sacked people in them days and took them

on. You see, men wanting work, they had to come to me and I had to look them up

and down, weigh up the pros and cons.

They had to form a circle around me, see, and I stood on a box in the middle

then I'd look at them.

I'd run my eye over them.

And then I'd nod to the ones I wanted.

You.

You.

You.

And the others, well, just look at them, see.

And they knew I wasn't going to give them a job, not unless we was very short

-handed, desperate like.

Only bugged them a few, Bob.

And you could stand there on your cavernous little book.

Take pleasure in not giving those men a job.

Little working -class Hitler.

No, I was too idle, too union.

God blimey.

Good old days, they was. God blimey, I was almost Lord Vestey's right -hand man

in them days.

Oh, and who was Lord Vestey when he was out? Who was Lord Vestey?

Only owned half a dock, that's all. Shipping lines, warehouses, meat

plants. She wants to know who Lord Vestey was.

Friend of yours, wasn't he out?

I knew...

I knew... Mr Garnet had friends in very high places of the old days. I knew...

Didn't you?

I knew... Mr Garnet.

I knew Lord Bestie and he knew me.

Like that we was.

With him on top.

He said to me that I was the son he wished he'd had because his own son

turn out too well, you see.

Oh, son.

Wasn't what he wanted.

Alfie said...

I want you done at head office. We need you there. But if I take you out of my

docks, who can I trust to run them?

He used to get out of his Rolls Royce, see, and he'd come straight over to me.

Alfie'd say, Rollers are fair, go on.

Well, he smokes cigars himself, you see, but he preferred my roll -ups.

You're the only man here I can talk to, he said.

And do you know what?

He never, never once...

Mention his money or let his money come between us.

Or anywhere near you.

What are you doing here?

I brought you some sandwiches and to get our paper.

I'm delivering the paper. That has to go through the letterbox.

Not today, not tomorrow.

Lucky Street's not here.

It's quiet. All right?

It didn't disturb you enough, did it?

Did I wake you up?

Was that you making all that racket on my door?

Yeah, well, I thought I'd better knock a bit loud, see, in case you was asleep.

I know I've got a bit of a problem here.

See that? Can you tell me where Whittaker Road is or any of these

know, I've got all these papers to deliver, you see.

Sod off!

And sod you poop out!

I'll fix him.

Come on.

Go on.

That's what it is.

Oi, oi, what's your game?

What's my game? I thought me brakes had gone wrong. Oh, yeah?

Now, come on, off.

Off? Off! Don't you tell me off, mate. I'm warning.

I was just giving you a bit of advice

on Saturday. I mean, blimey, you can take a bit of criticism, can't you?

Criticism? What you were shouting out was racial abuse.

No! God, blimey, you're not... She's not down at West End. You called me... No,

I eat at a moment, mate.

Eat at a moment? You were slagging me off all afternoon.

Get your finger out, Sambo. What daft bugger paid a million for that darkie?

offence, mate.

None took, I hope.

You're a good little player.

Scored a goal. Could have had more if you needed the advice being given you. I

mean, Bobby Moore was listening to my advice. But quite... Nothing racist down

at West Ham. I mean, blimey, we've had coons at West Ham for years.

We're the first club to give your coons a game, it was.

How nice.

How generous.

Do you ever listen to what you're saying, Mr Garnie? Listen? I know what

saying, mate. I don't have to listen. Yeah, I wish I didn't have to either.

I think you're in this lad's house, knocking back his boots, and you're

insulting the man. Who is? And his missus. Who is?

Have I insulted you, John John? Yes.

Have I said a word out of place? Go on, Blimey. He's my biggest fan. He is the

place of my club.

He is a guest in my country and I respect him.

I was born here.

Well, your dad is a guest then.

He was born here.

Oh, your granddad.

He was born here.

Well, welcome then. Make yourself at home.

First, we was the first club to bring you...

I mean, old Reg Pratt, God rest his soul, chairman of West Ham, he brought

lot over.

Never mind giving them football boots for use to yell at, just lace their toes

together and put them out.

I'm going to have to leaf up his mouth.

I bet you wish you was at all. Yeah.

You know your trouble, Mr Garnett? Your brains are at the wrong end of your

body. But never mind, I've got a present for you. What's that?

A subscription to euphanasia. Here, put that on my tab. Here, listen. Don't take

no notice of him. He is just the result of a Tory education.

Now, come on, Mr Garner. You've had enough.

Come on in. Come on in.

Come on, you lions.

Here. Did you get this house off of West Ham?

Climbing. Look after you, don't we, eh?

See, I don't want to knock a good little club in the way, but why don't the

directors buy us some decent players, eh?

Present company accepted, of course. I mean, they say they can't afford it.

Well, football is very expensive these days, mate, and so is brandy. No, no,

cost us a million, didn't you?

No.

Well, say it like that.

Nothing like that.

Well, perhaps you're not worth a million. That's not my point.

See, what I'm saying is, I mean, look at your Liverpool, right?

Now... They're supposed to be so poor up there. If they're so bloody poor, how

is it they can afford two of your most expensive football teams in the country,

eh? If they're so bloody poor, how can they afford all them star players?

I don't know, but I'm sure you're going to tell her. It's your welfare, my dear.

Your welfare's paying, isn't it?

Your welfare's paying the players' wages?

How do you work that out? Look, all right.

Some of them pick up their welfare straight down the bookies, right? But a

more... Oh, leave it out. Never mind leave it out. A lot more of it goes to

turnstiles of football.

I mean, they're playing three times a week up there. They're both clubs.

Hey, where's the money coming from, eh? The ground is packed to the bloody

rafters, they are.

I mean, they're none of them working. The whole town's on a bloody dole.

Where's the money coming from? I'll tell you.

It's your welfare.

Your bloody Liverpool and Everton are being subsidised out of your DSS.

Now we've gone back into Europe. We've got to play against clubs supported

by your drug barons. Eh?

You mind about eh? Look.

Italy, poor country, right? As poor as bloody Liverpool. So where do they get

the money from to buy your Gazza, right?

Five million pounds it's costing them, and your David Platt, another five

million. Where's the money coming from, eh?

I'll tell you where the money's coming from. It's your mafia, and it's your

mafia money.

Never mind bloody laughing, missus. I'm telling you facts here, and I mean...

What chance have our English clubs got in Europe? And all our... It's

out of the DSSS.

Playing against clubs supported by your mafia money, innit?

Listen, listen.

We got a lot of criminals down at West Ham, don't we?

Yeah, we got a lot of nutters down there as well.

No, the point, we got... We got our own criminals. I mean, you see them sitting

up there in the stands.

Well -known faces in the underworld.

So why don't they go out and pull a few jobs and give the money to West Ham, eh?

Answer me that.

Call themselves bloody fans.

And another thing, you take your cricket. Now, you lot have learnt to

quite well.

I'll say so much, love. Very nice of you. Hang on, mate.

Some of those bananas you've been throwing at me. Get me out!

It's only a joke, mate, nothing.

Don't worry nothing. I can...