Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all my heart.

But they don't give a monkey's down at the age of death, and they've gone and

I'll be pensioned for a start.

So it won't be very long before I'm tired of dying, but I'll probably starve

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just because it's

and it helps, but I'll do.

You sitting there waiting to read this paper? No, I'm waiting for a bus.

How much longer are you going to be with it? You've been all morning sitting

there with that. I'm not just looking at the pictures, my dear.

It takes a little longer to read the words, you see.

I'll tell you what you can do.

You can go and make me a cup of tea while you're waiting, if you like.

What you need is a little black boy.

I had one.

Yes. You should have kept him.

I wanted to. He was a good lad.

He paid me a fair rent for that room and looked after me at the bargain and I

didn't have to wait for cups of tea when he was around.

Fair rent?

Fair to who?

Fair to me, my dear, and I'm the only one whose welfare I have to concern

with. Well, it wasn't fair to me. I mean, he was paying you more for that

room than you was paying for the old flat.

Well, how was that unfair to you?

Because half this house is mine.

He wasn't living in your half of it, was he?

No, but I had to put up with the inconvenience of him living in your...

it, using my front door, walking across the hallway after I'd cleaned it. Oh,

yeah, that really upset you, didn't it, eh? Because I was making a bit of money

out of it and you wasn't.

Jealous, because you didn't get a share of it.

Well, all them nightmares you was complaining of, because there were

living in the house. It was all invention, wasn't it, eh?

Pure invention.

You no more dreamt about Winston than you dreamt about me.

Oh, you've been in my nightmares, don't worry.

Well, are you going to make me a cup of tea or not?

No.

I don't know why you're doing the sulking. I'm the one who's suffering

that lad went.

Well, I'm sleeping in my bed better since he went.

You malign that lad.

Young Pelly and Winston, when he was here, they both of them showed a proper

respect. Even you've got to admit that.

Both of them was devoted to me, there was.

In their own way.

And they showed their gratitude. And I don't think it was very fair of you to

dream about them the way you did.

Well, I never asked them into my dream.

They wasn't invited.

Neither of them. I can tell you. And neither were they welcome either.

They was your dream.

Yes. And I wish other people would keep out of them.

I mean, people I wouldn't have in my house.

People I wouldn't even talk to in the street.

Well, I don't want them in my dreams either, Cheek.

Just walking in and out of my private dream.

Doing just what they want without a buy or leave.

And saying just what they like, please.

And if you complain to anyone, tell a doctor or one of them sort of people, or

they say, oh, it's just a dream.

Well, it may be just a dream in the daytime, but it's not very nice at night

when it's happening.

Look, if you lay in bed all night dreaming about Winston, that's not his

is it?

Now, you favour him. You can't see anything wrong with Winston.

He was a good boy.

Here, I'll tell you, Mr Garnett, if he was to try some of the things on me in

the daytime, like he tries to do at night, I

could have him locked up.

Locked things?

Well, I'm not telling you what goes on in my dreams.

My dreams are private.

And I prefer to keep them that way.

And I wish other people would too.

And you can be careful.

Me? What have I done?

Disgusting, you are.

Look, you can leave me out of your dreams if you don't mind. I've got

being in my own dreams.

No wonder I wake up bloody tired in the mornings.

I don't know what you're getting me up to in your dreams, do I?

Fair.

Me and you could be putting me in positions.

positions of humiliation with others watching.

Well, I don't know who else is in your dreams, do I?

Well, there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, I told the doctor. You told

the doctor about me in your dreams?

Well, I didn't mention your name.

Well, I'll put a stop to this. I mean, if you write a book and you put me in it

doing all them things you dream about, I could sue you for libel.

You start talking to people about what I do in your dreams, Mrs. I'll get a

lawyer on to you, that's what I'll do. Can't afford a lawyer. I'll get legal

aid. I'll go down to Citizens Advice Bureau.

I don't know why you assume that if I put you in a book, it would be bad.

No more than if I dream about you, it would be bad.

Eh? But you're right, though, it would be, and it is.

Well, I'll put it like this. Where you're concerned, I'm mostly pleased to

up. You're not the only one who has dreams, my dear, and I'm not always

wake up neither.

More than pleased some days, I'll tell you.

Do I appear in your dreams?

Not if I can bloody well help it.

That's something being put through the letterbox.

Yes, that's right.

It's a letter.

Really? You know, some days, my dear, your powers of reasoning amaze me.

You still taking them pills the doctor give you?

When you mend my ladder, I will.

What's the ladder got to do with your pills? Well, I can't reach them without

the ladder. Well, why don't you put them out of reach?

Because it says on the bottle, put well out of reach.

That means children.

Oh, don't be so silly. It's not a children's complaint.

see what it is? What?

What's just come through? The door, the letter. Don't you want to see who it's

from? Well, first of all, my dear, we have to discover who it's for before we

can discover who it's from. That is the polite way.

First of all, one of us has to go out there and pick it up and see who the

letter's addressing, right?

That will inform us as to who is entitled to peruse the contents of that

and to find out who it's from.

Peruse? Who is it?

And then one of us... One of us has to go out there and pick it up. And

that's the only letters I get these days, are bills or begging letters from

companies who are forever poking it through my front door, trying to

to plunge myself up to my eyeballs in debt, providing I was daft enough. I see

no reason to get out of this chair and drag myself to the front door just for

that.

On the other hand, of course, the letter might be for you.

No, nobody writes to me anymore either.

Except the letters you get.

No, my dear. The letters I get are written to me.

Well, of course. You wouldn't get them otherwise.

What you mean is that the letters you get are similar to the ones that I get.

That's what I said. I get the same letters you get. No, you do not get the

letters I get.

I do.

Bills and begging letters. Yes, but they are different letters.

No, just the same. I've said they're just the same. No.

But they are. Not the same.

Exactly the same.

No, not the same. They may look the same. Because they are the bloody same.

I only swear now.

Is this the same letter you got?

Yes, that's the one. Aid to Ethiopia.

But this is the letter I got.

But why they sent it to me, I don't know.

They didn't send it. I mean, I feel sorry they're hungry. It's an awful

They didn't send... But if I sent them every penny I've got, they'd still be

hungry. That's why I don't bother with that.

They didn't send this letter to you.

Yes, they did. I've still got it upstairs. I can show it to you. No, my

not this letter. You ain't got this letter upstairs.

Yes, that's the letter. No, the letter you've got upstairs is addressed to Mrs

Orenbury. This is addressed to Mr Alfred Garnett.

So you see, not the same letter, my dear.

A similar letter.

Oh, you copy fool.

Let's get out of that trite, shall we?

You need your brains tested, you do.

Well, I suppose one of us had better peruse out there.

Not another begging letter, is it?

Not if you're out there again, blimey, the money they spend on stamps, you

buy quite a few bowls of rice, I'm sure.

Don't look very friendly, do it.

When I saw it, what it was, well, it gave me a bit of a turn. I don't mind

saying, till I saw your name.

Well, that... Well, that was a bit of relief, at least, cos I knew it wasn't

me.

Well? Paul.

I don't know, I mean... I mean, I woke up this morning and I thought,

well, you know, we looked all right. I could see a way forward.

Well, a bit of the way.

Not much of the way, though, I bet.

Still, I suppose, I mean, seeing some of the past, that's something.

I don't know what's in that, do I? I mean, I'm sitting here, I don't know

what's...

What's in store for me in there, do I? Oh, nothing pleasant, I'm sure.

Here, I'll make a cup of tea.

You sit there.

No good making yourself ill over it.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Well, worrying won't do any good.

I mean, that thing comes in through the letterbox.

It's threatening everything.

I can remember when letters were a welcome thing.

When the postman's knock was a joy to hear. Yeah, well, you're going back a

years, aren't you?

Blimey, it's more like a note of terror these days, isn't it?

The only relief from it is when they're on strike.

Yeah, pity they wasn't on strike today.

It's a pity they don't go on strike and stay on bloody strike.

All they ever do is fill the house up with bills and junk mail. There's

good ever comes through that little box.

I'll block it up, that's what I'll do.

Blimey, I was just beginning to see a way forward and then this thing arrived.

We could say we never got it.

Blame it on the post office.

Say we never saw it.

I mean, after all, it's a bill we've had then before.

Too bloody many.

Not the rent again, is it?

I don't know.

Well, who ain't we paid?

Well, them for a start.

It might be easier to remember who we have paid.

Look, I'm always telling you, and I'm always saying, don't run up debts, but

will you listen?

No, no, just... Put me through this torture.

Do I buy?

Well, somebody's buying something. That's why we wouldn't be getting bloody

bills, would we?

Here, who wanted a cup of tea, mate? What's that got to do with it? Well,

running up debts, isn't it?

Gas debts, water debts.

Here, who turned that bar off? All right, I'll sit here and freeze, shall

Electric debts.

Phone debts.

Well, hardly ever used a phone.

And when I do, it's cash. I put money in. Well, that thing just hangs there,

running up debts, doing nothing. All right, all right, I'll get rid of it.

going. Well, I thought your Rita was supposed to pay for that. Pay for it?

never even rings me on it. She rang you Christmas.

Yeah, and she probably will again next Christmas.

That's all she is, a Christmas daughter.

Well, at least she keeps in touch.

I mean, my brother, he's not even a Christmas brother.

I've never known what it's like to have family.

You had a mother and father?

Not since they died.

Well, you've got a brother and sister.

Oh, no, they're only distant relations.

No, my dear, your brother and sister are not distant relations. They are. My

sister lives in Ireland and my brother lives in Australia.

That's a long distance.

God, Felix.

I'll mend that ladder, then you can start taking the pills.

Last time my brother phoned from Australia, I told him, I said, don't

too long, I said.

Because you could tire your voice out coming all that way.

I can't remember if I've put tea in this pot now.

Well?

No good sitting there staring at it, making yourself ill.

Well, can't take you out to shoot you, can they?

One problem we don't have, eh?

Oh, open it, whatever. They can't do anything to you.

And even if they can, at your age, they couldn't do it to you for long.

I don't know what you were so frightened of.

It's only an honour. I've only received honour.

I am requested to report for jury service, my dear.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, you might well say, I've been selected to serve on a jury.

I've been selected to be a jury man.

You know what this means?

Another miscarriage of justice?

Moons, my dear!

There are millions and millions of others.

I have been selected. Me!

See, they went down the list. They said, no, not him, nor him, not that one, nor

him, nor him.

This one is the one we want.

Mr Alfred Garnett.

One of 12 just men and true.

It's honour, isn't it, eh?

Honour.

Yes, my lord.

I'll probably be foreman of the jury. I'll probably have to give the verdict.

Will you have to wear a wig?

Without a shadow of a doubt, Your Honour. Oh, blimey, this will make them

up, eh? Oh, hey, aye.

No one else down this street, just me. I was the one. I was the one who put them

away. I teach them to bloody well wreck their cells and burn their... Oh, yes.

I'll burn them up for life. That's what... You see?

Everything comes to those who wait, my dear. You see, people in high places,

your Lord Chancellor's office, they know of me. They know who I am.

And they know where I live.

Make me a cup of tea, my dear, will you?

Yes, Your Honour.

Silence in court.

Look, I'm trying to explain. If you'll listen, I'll explain it to you. No, you

only shout. Not shouting. You're shouting. No!

to be shouting.

One side shouting at the other side shouting.

I think we'd be better off without them. I mean, I don't understand politics. I

never have. Well, it's very simple, my dear, if you just put your mind to it.

I've tried. I've tried and it always leads to the same old shouting match.

Especially with you.

Yeah, well, trying isn't always enough, my dear.

I mean, make the effort by all means.

But remember...

A pig can't fly, and it's no good him sitting around upsetting himself,

about it. I mean, the happy pig knows that he makes good bacon, and that's all

we need him for.

And he's content knowing that he's wanted and useful.

No disrespect, my dear, but politics is probably not a woman's thing, especially

when it's you.

Are you trying to say that I'm not up to it? If the cat picks!

I mean, we've all got our limitations, haven't we? Yes, well, you've certainly

got yours.

Well, there you are, you see. That's why you do not understand politics, because

you cannot grasp the give and take of civilised debate. You have to get

personal, drag everything down to the level of abuse and argument.

Same old shouting, Matt. Not shouting, my dear. Not a shouting, Matt.

Reasoned debate.

There's two sides to every argument.

Yeah, but your side always seems to have rights. Because I take the trouble to

look at both sides and use my powers of reasoning.

I mean, I believe that the guilty man should be given a proper trial first

before I take him out and hang him.

I mean, fair play don't cost nothing, does it?

innocent until he was proved guilty. Yes, that is what he'll claim to be, of

course, and that is his right, and no one would deny him that right under what

is a fair system of law and order.

Well, what about the Guilford Four?

All right.

Let us take the Guilford Four.

At the time when we put them in jail, they was guilty. Everyone knew that.

As soon as they was innocent, we let them out again.

Can't say fair in that, can we?

The same idea, exactly the same.

And if they're proved innocent, they will be shown the same leniency the

was. Don't you worry.

Yeah, well, that's all very well. But I can't help thinking that the main

evidence against them poor lads was being Irish. Yes, well, of course, you

bound to say that, wasn't you? With your Irish daddy and your Irish mummy.

Racial discrimination. Nothing to do with racial discrimination.

But if the Irish are blowing up things, you don't round up the Chinese, do you?

Typical.

Bloody typical.

Anyway, so I had this hand grenade, you see, in my hand, right?

Hand grenade.

And our officer, he said, right, Garnet, throw it, see?

So I said, just a minute, sir, let's see the whites of their eyes first, right?

And they're coming closer and closer, and I let them get closer, and finally I

threw it, and I was so close.

Hello, Mr Garnet.

What are you doing here? It's a bit out of your line, isn't it? What?

Eh? It's a bit pricey, isn't it, for someone like you?

Mwah! You lovely old pig.

What a character, Jeremy.

Brilliant. Brilliant. You crafty old sod.

What have you been doing? Spinning the tale, eh? Telling the old, old story.

I don't blame you as it happens. I got more money in the fence for those for

these.

They've been pushing up the prices, though. The house is worth more since

came. Are you all right, Grandad?

Yeah. So, could I get you anything?

Oh, a little drop of scotch, you know, for me chest.

Yeah, get the damp out of his war wound.

Oh, Mummy loved the story about the German machine gun nest.

She said that men like you were the souls of the earth.

Oh, and that thrilling story, piloting the, uh, our fuser through the docks.

That was you, was it?

Oh, uh, Simon, get a large whiskey for Grandad.

Oh, Amelia's getting a case.

Well, you get him one, too.

He needs perking.

Does Mrs.

Ollingbury know all about this, does she? You're getting your feet well under

the table here. Well, it makes a change. I mean, you get fed up with the same

old conversation down the other place. Yeah, you do.

Anyway, I'm here talking to my young lawyer friend over there, young Jeremy.

He's silk, he is. He's only a junior, but...

See, I'm doing a bit of law myself.

Doing what?

Well, I've been selected for jury service. Oh, well, sooner you than me.

It's an honour, I suppose.

Eh? Well, I wasn't fancy. What court are you in? Criminal.

Oh!

What? You watch yourself.

Eh? Be careful.

Look, I don't want to frighten you, Mr Garnett, but there's a chap I know. He

was on jury service.

They sent down this villain. The following week, he was in intensive

But don't worry, it might not happen to you. They're trying to pass through this

new law to protect witnesses and jury personnel.

I'm just warning you. You see, you've got the villain, he's in the dock, and

mates, they're all in the court.

And they're watching the jury.

They're remembering the faces.

I'd wear a stocking over your head if I was you.

There was one bloke, they gave him a going over before the case they did.

They come in.

Broke his leg, just as a warning.

These are hard men, and vicious.

Cheers, Grandad.

Well, I've got to be away, Mr Garnet. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Brave man.

Oh, yeah.

Right? I'll get them all.

I'm not guilty.

I will, I will.

I promise. I promise.

I'm not guilty.

Whatever you say.

Whatever you want.

Don't hit me. Don't hurt me.

Why no?

They're letting them off the asylums, aren't they?

Trying them off the institutions.

Poor buggers.

Please let me come in. Let me come in.

Don't let him get me.

What's going on?

The police officer.

I was following him. He's acting very suspicious.

I don't think he's mad.

Crouch, my wife's in there.

Why don't you sit in there alone with my wife? All right, we'll stand aside.

What are you going to do? I'm going to break the door down.

He's in there with my wife. He's holding her hostage. He might slit her throat

or anything.

What's going on?

There's a maniac in there and his wife's trapped in there with him.

What is this?

A maniac's in there holding his wife hostage.

Have you got a phone?

No. I have. We always lose hands.

There's one over the road.

Phone the station and tell them to send some men. We might need a fire engine or

something. We need ladders.

What about guns?

Well, they don't know what to do. Tell them Officer Barton's here.

He's all right.

We're a bit bonkers, but... Shall I go and have a word? Yeah, go on.

It's the police! The boys in blue's hands! Go!

Here! Here!

Arrest him! He's the one who was following me!

He's trying to do me up!

He's the police!

What? You want me a story to tell me yuppies tomorrow night?

A few drinks, eh?

Shut up!

Yes, I know him, Commissioner.

Now, what you been doing? I can't take my eyes off you for five minutes. No.

you're drunk.

You're drunk. I am not drunk. You go on the way you're going on. It won't be the

jury you'll be sitting in. It'll be the doc.

Now, come on. Get off of me. The inspector wants to see you. Get out of

And we'll be right back.

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