All language subtitles for In Sickness And In Health s03e05

Now, my old darling, they've laid her
down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all me heart.

But they don't give a monkey sanity, I
just said, and they're calling off me

pension for a start.

No, it won't be very long before I'm pi
-er -tied, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor,
that's a fact, just cos it's the sixth

and it helps, but I'll do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Fancy Fred.

She's no better than the one with him,
the merry widow.

He's down our road, she does.

Good dancers.

That's not what she's good at.

Oh, a bit lively, is she?

Drain you dry.

Yeah.

She goes all the way, does she?

She's had more jolly than you've had hot
dinners, I tell you.

I'll have to learn the tango then, won't
I?

Look at her down there, look.

The ginger one.

You know her.

Hello.

Do I?

I do.

I've walked her home after the last
dance a good few times.

God, it takes me back seeing her there.

Takes me right back.

I walked her a few miles in the old days
just for a bit of, you know.

God dear, look at her now.

Look at the beauty.

She was a real beauty. She was a real
goer.

She had these great enormous knockers in
them days.

She still has them.

But in them days, they was... Different
shape.

And in a different position.

I remember the first time I had them
out.

Yeah. Back out of Truxy.

Had both of them in me hands.

And she had her hand... Oh, memories.

Innocence, Alf. It was all innocence.

Sounds like it.

It was.

We just sat there for hours.

Didn't know what else to do.

Just sat there watching a film holding
each other.

Couldn't stop. Didn't know how to
proceed.

Well, I didn't.

I think looking back on it now, she did.

You know, the first time we'd done it,
it wasn't easy.

I didn't find it easy.

I felt a bit silly, you know, with all
the talk like.

I got used to it.

And after a time, well, I was a dab hand
at it.

But I always remember that first time.

I felt a bit ashamed seeing her
afterwards, you know, after her letting

what she let me do.

Not the sort of girl you'd take under
your mother, is it?

It's funny, you know, but... I didn't
like to be seen out in the street with

her. I didn't like her holding me arm or
touching me.

Not in public, like.

I felt that... that everybody knew the
sort of girl she was and that they knew

what we'd been doing.

And I thought it's obvious that they
must know that she's one of them, I

thought.

Mind you...

I didn't mind meeting her in here.

I wouldn't let her go once I met her in
here because it was all after her in

here, you know.

She was a bit of hot stuff, she was,
when they knew it.

Yeah.

It's rotten seeing her now.

Wish I hadn't recognised her now.

I've often thought of her, but I've
always seen her as she was then.

Time don't improve things, does it?

Cheers, Alpha. Cheers, Al.

You going to dance, Ralph?

Not with Anna this lot, I ain't.

You can dance, can't you? Can't dance?

I only dance for whopping, that's all.

Get off.

Evening Star Ballroom Championships.

I was asked to turn professional.

Anna? They begged me.

Excuse me. This is the lady's
invitation.

Aren't you... No, he's a ballroom
champion. He'll dance with you.

No, I ain't. Go on.

Get a touch of the old slow, slow,
quick, quick, slow, go on.

Make a whopping.

Come on, then.

You'll enjoy that.

Yeah. Look where you're going.

You want to watch where you're going,
mate. You're blind or something.

You keep banging into it. Sure. If you
knew anything about the rules of

you'd know that it's all one way. We all
go the one way.

So keep starting and stopping and
dashing off here, there and every bloody

where. Just try and follow the band.

If you must change lanes, indicate.

Stick your hands out.

Let people know of you. intentions.

Ignore him. Don't ignore me, Mrs.

If anyone's going to be ignored, it's
you. I'm the one who'll do the ignoring.

And I'll ignore you because I know a
thing or two about you.

What do you know about me? Never you
mind.

I want to know.

Yeah, I bet you would. I bet they all
would.

Yeah, what are you insinuating? Never
you mind. What I am insinuating is

her and me. It's got nothing to do with
you.

You mind your business.

You mind your business too.

Oh, I don't know what he's talking
about.

They all say that, don't they? Listen,
you. Don't you poke me.

I'm not poking you.

I'm leaving again.

I said don't you.

What are you going to do?

Just tell him to be careful.

That's all I'm saying.

You don't scare him.

He will in a minute.

Why? What's he going to do?

Well, if I was you, I'd take him home
before he gets hurt.

He'll do what?

You heard me. He'll mark him for life if
you don't watch out.

He'll kick his head in. He'll chop his
spine off. He'll tear his arms out.

cut his knackers off. He'll kick his
teeth in. He'll tear his ears

off. He'll hammer him into the ground.
And I'll eat him for breakfast.

Here, take your coat off.

I'll hold your coat. Come on then.

electric. And you put the switch up to
turn it off.

Funny cuts.

You're very clever at switching things
on, ain't you? You're not so clever at

turning them off, are you?

Now look what you've done.

Not me.

It's a vampire right outside the window.

Nanny Chief.

He's blocking all that light out. I
can't see.

I'll turn the light on. You won't. I'm
not burning more electricity. You move

it.

I'll move him.

Come on. Move this.

Move this.

Son of... You are locked outside of my
house. You don't move this.

I'll let your tyres down. I know my
rights. This is a public street, not a

private street.

Don't tell me what this is.

on me.

We need another seat or two, do we?

Right.

I've been waiting for you, mate. Come
on, then. Come on. There's no one to

us now.

Right. Come on.

I'm ready. I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I've done a bit, mate. I can handle
myself.

Good morning.

I'm a black belt. Black belt? I don't
care if you've got yellow braces, mate.

I'm sorry. Come on, tiger.

No, no, no.

Don't spoil it.

Kill him. Don't spoil it.

Yeah. You see? Let him fight. If there's
bad blood, there's only one way to end

bad blood. You've got to get it built.

Let me go.

Let me go.

He pitched that bully dead. Shut up. Put
him inside.

Get out of it. You shouldn't encourage
him.

No, he started on him. The man just
parked his van and he come out and let

tiles down.

I mean, what sort of street is this?

Used to be decent round here once.

He parked outside of my window.

How would you like it if he parked
outside of your window? Oh, come on, Mr

Garnet. Come on inside.

Yes, and move it.

I'd like to go back where you come from.

What did you say?

I think.

Haven't you ever wondered where you
might have come from?

You is rude and disgusting.

I'm never coming to park in this city
again.

Has he gone?

Has he gone? Because if he ain't, I'll
go out of here. What's come over you

lately? You never used to be like this.

Well, not as bad as this.

He's going demented.

You're behaving like a child.

I'm ashamed of you.

Getting yourself in the local papers,
brawling in the dance hall. What's come

over you? I'm ashamed to call you my
landlord.

Living here, what do you expect?

You live among animals.

You've got to stand up for yourself.

You'd better get the dog. I don't need
no bloody doctor. You need something.

Perhaps some tablets.

It's probably your time of life.

Menopause. Oh, menopause you in a
minute.

Here.

He's moved it.

I've got him to move it.

You think twice before you park down
here again.

You bloody dago swine.

He goes up there to see that merry
widow, that's where he's going.

He goes up there to give her one.

We all know what goes on up there.

Someone says there's been a fight.

Mr Garnet was fighting.

Are you hurt? I'm all right.

But he was lucky, though.

He was very, very lucky, he was.

He was lucky Mrs Johnson was here to
stop it, I tell you.

That's all.

I'm still strong.

I can still be harmful, I can.

Take celebrities with me, I tell you.

Nobody pushes me around and gets away
with it.

I caught a few out there, but I could
always take a punch.

I'll go down the pub and I'll get you a
brandy.

It's still up there with the merry
weather.

His van's parked on the corner down the
bottom. Down the bottom of the street,

he's parked there.

What? I think you're jealous.

What? I think you fancy giving her one
yourself.

You're foul -mouthed, you are.

Well, that's what the fight was over at
the tea dance. You was fighting over it,

wasn't you? Two stags with their horns
locked.

You better watch your mouth out.

Where are you going with that bucket?

None of your business.

I'm a bit fussy, I am. I'm a bit...

about what I do with myself. I don't
want to get AIDS.

I'll be upstairs if anybody rings or
knocks.

You crafty old looking one.

Go on, tiger.

I'm going upstairs to clean the outside
of her windows.

I don't lay about on my arse all day
like some people I've mentioned.

But you work for it, is she? No, she's
making me a meat pudding for it, if you

must know.

Oh, good. Well, save me some. No!

I'm cleaning the outside of her windows
for that. If there's any left over, I'm

having that too.

How can you reach the outside of her
windows? You haven't got a ladder.

By using my nut.

Something you wouldn't know much about,
jungle boy.

Don't you worry about me.

God, blimey, I can smell it.

Oh, that smells marvellous, that does.

It's making my mouth water, this.

How long will it be?

Oh, I'm ready to dish up now, but you be
careful.

Don't you worry about me, Mrs... Oh,
blimey.

Don't worry me.

I've been up higher places than this
when I was in the army.

In the dock, I've been up in a ship's
crow's nest, I have.

I bid you.

Oh, my, my floor!

Oh, sorry.

That's all right.

Right then.

There we go.

That is lovely!

Yummy yummy!

Break the glass.

You won't. If I break the glass, I can
get a saw and I can saw through the

frame. Oh, yes.

Who's going to pay for a new one?

He's got no money.

Oh, I'll fix something. The first thing
to do is to get him out. Is it?

You leave that window alone. I'm not
sitting in here with no window.

I can't sit there forever.

I'll serve him right if he had to.

I should never have agreed to let him
clean my windows.

I might have known.

want him sitting there staring at me all
day.

I don't want to have to sit and look at
him all day.

I'm trying to make a very important
phone call here.

Yeah, but this is an emergency.

Oh, it's true. There's a man stuck in a
window here.

It's true.

Look, will you just get off the line?

But this is an emergency.

We've got a cross line.

Oh, we've always got them.

It's two women.

Oh, they're always on there.

backwards wide, don't you? Cause more
trouble.

You all right, Alf?

Do I look all right?

What's he doing up there?

He's stuck up there.

Is he?

He's stuck up there, are you?

You picked a nice day for it.

We want someone to phone the fire
brigade.

Yeah? He's got a phone, hasn't he? It's
a cross line. We can't keep him off

talking. Yeah. You've got a phone.

There's a call box round the corner.

We've tried. It's not working.

Will you phone him?

I'm just going out.

Well, it won't take a minute. It's a 999
emergency.

You can't call out the fire brigade for
a thing like that. They're busy people.

You can't drag them out just because
some silly old sod's got himself stuck

window.

You're a carpenter.

Now, when I come back, I'll have a look
in the yellow pages.

You just stay there, Mr Garnet.

Fresh air will do you good.

He's phone will be free in a minute.

You want to phone the fire brigade?

Well, they won't thank you.

Is he all right?

He don't look too happy out there, do
he?

He's lucky it's summer.

Lucky it's not raining.

I don't know, though.

You don't look too bright up there.

It looks like rain.

It might hold off.

It might hold off.

You'd better have this.

It's health, isn't it?

His reward for cleaning my windows is
the meat pudding I cooked him for

my windows.

Would you like it? Yeah.

Shame to see it go to waste, I suppose.

Shame to waste it.

Shame to waste it.

And this is his beer.

Oh, thanks.

Will you eat it before it gets cold?

I feel a bit guilty with him watching.

Well, he can't eat it.

No, well, that's what I mean. It's a
shame to waste it, isn't it?

You know, it's...

Oh, that's good.

That's nice.

He would have enjoyed this.

He would have enjoyed this.

It's a bit hard, him watching while I'm
eating. I feel guilty.

Shall I pull the blinds?

Look a bit rotten, that.

Wouldn't it?

Shutting him out.

No, you can't.

Can you?

Yes, I can.

You shouldn't have done that.

I'm raining.

I thought it would. I said it would.

It won't be much, though. I think you're
going to be lucky. It won't be much.

Just a shower.

Oh, it's raining.

Yes.

So I've just said.

It won't be much, though. With a bit of
luck, it won't be much.

number two.

I'm on the top of that and we can get to
him.

One cheek at a time.

That's it. Come on.

It's him.

I'm not helping him.

No, wait.

Let's get him down first. He can bloody
stay down.