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Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her
all me heart.
But they don't give a monkey sanity, I just said, and they're calling off me
pension for a start.
No, it won't be very long before I'm pi -er -tied, but I'll probably starve to
death, that's what I'll do.
But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just cos it's the sixth
and it helps, but I'll do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fancy Fred.
She's no better than the one with him, the merry widow.
He's down our road, she does.
Good dancers.
That's not what she's good at.
Oh, a bit lively, is she?
Drain you dry.
Yeah.
She goes all the way, does she?
She's had more jolly than you've had hot dinners, I tell you.
I'll have to learn the tango then, won't I?
Look at her down there, look.
The ginger one.
You know her.
Hello.
Do I?
I do.
I've walked her home after the last dance a good few times.
God, it takes me back seeing her there.
Takes me right back.
I walked her a few miles in the old days just for a bit of, you know.
God dear, look at her now.
Look at the beauty.
She was a real beauty. She was a real goer.
She had these great enormous knockers in them days.
She still has them.
But in them days, they was... Different shape.
And in a different position.
I remember the first time I had them out.
Yeah. Back out of Truxy.
Had both of them in me hands.
And she had her hand... Oh, memories.
Innocence, Alf. It was all innocence.
Sounds like it.
It was.
We just sat there for hours.
Didn't know what else to do.
Just sat there watching a film holding each other.
Couldn't stop. Didn't know how to proceed.
Well, I didn't.
I think looking back on it now, she did.
You know, the first time we'd done it, it wasn't easy.
I didn't find it easy.
I felt a bit silly, you know, with all the talk like.
I got used to it.
And after a time, well, I was a dab hand at it.
But I always remember that first time.
I felt a bit ashamed seeing her afterwards, you know, after her letting
what she let me do.
Not the sort of girl you'd take under your mother, is it?
It's funny, you know, but... I didn't like to be seen out in the street with
her. I didn't like her holding me arm or touching me.
Not in public, like.
I felt that... that everybody knew the sort of girl she was and that they knew
what we'd been doing.
And I thought it's obvious that they must know that she's one of them, I
thought.
Mind you...
I didn't mind meeting her in here.
I wouldn't let her go once I met her in here because it was all after her in
here, you know.
She was a bit of hot stuff, she was, when they knew it.
Yeah.
It's rotten seeing her now.
Wish I hadn't recognised her now.
I've often thought of her, but I've always seen her as she was then.
Time don't improve things, does it?
Cheers, Alpha. Cheers, Al.
You going to dance, Ralph?
Not with Anna this lot, I ain't.
You can dance, can't you? Can't dance?
I only dance for whopping, that's all.
Get off.
Evening Star Ballroom Championships.
I was asked to turn professional.
Anna? They begged me.
Excuse me. This is the lady's invitation.
Aren't you... No, he's a ballroom champion. He'll dance with you.
No, I ain't. Go on.
Get a touch of the old slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, go on.
Make a whopping.
Come on, then.
You'll enjoy that.
Yeah. Look where you're going.
You want to watch where you're going, mate. You're blind or something.
You keep banging into it. Sure. If you knew anything about the rules of
you'd know that it's all one way. We all go the one way.
So keep starting and stopping and dashing off here, there and every bloody
where. Just try and follow the band.
If you must change lanes, indicate.
Stick your hands out.
Let people know of you. intentions.
Ignore him. Don't ignore me, Mrs.
If anyone's going to be ignored, it's you. I'm the one who'll do the ignoring.
And I'll ignore you because I know a thing or two about you.
What do you know about me? Never you mind.
I want to know.
Yeah, I bet you would. I bet they all would.
Yeah, what are you insinuating? Never you mind. What I am insinuating is
her and me. It's got nothing to do with you.
You mind your business.
You mind your business too.
Oh, I don't know what he's talking about.
They all say that, don't they? Listen, you. Don't you poke me.
I'm not poking you.
I'm leaving again.
I said don't you.
What are you going to do?
Just tell him to be careful.
That's all I'm saying.
You don't scare him.
He will in a minute.
Why? What's he going to do?
Well, if I was you, I'd take him home before he gets hurt.
He'll do what?
You heard me. He'll mark him for life if you don't watch out.
He'll kick his head in. He'll chop his spine off. He'll tear his arms out.
cut his knackers off. He'll kick his teeth in. He'll tear his ears
off. He'll hammer him into the ground. And I'll eat him for breakfast.
Here, take your coat off.
I'll hold your coat. Come on then.
electric. And you put the switch up to turn it off.
Funny cuts.
You're very clever at switching things on, ain't you? You're not so clever at
turning them off, are you?
Now look what you've done.
Not me.
It's a vampire right outside the window.
Nanny Chief.
He's blocking all that light out. I can't see.
I'll turn the light on. You won't. I'm not burning more electricity. You move
it.
I'll move him.
Come on. Move this.
Move this.
Son of... You are locked outside of my house. You don't move this.
I'll let your tyres down. I know my rights. This is a public street, not a
private street.
Don't tell me what this is.
on me.
We need another seat or two, do we?
Right.
I've been waiting for you, mate. Come on, then. Come on. There's no one to
us now.
Right. Come on.
I'm ready. I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I've done a bit, mate. I can handle myself.
Good morning.
I'm a black belt. Black belt? I don't care if you've got yellow braces, mate.
I'm sorry. Come on, tiger.
No, no, no.
Don't spoil it.
Kill him. Don't spoil it.
Yeah. You see? Let him fight. If there's bad blood, there's only one way to end
bad blood. You've got to get it built.
Let me go.
Let me go.
He pitched that bully dead. Shut up. Put him inside.
Get out of it. You shouldn't encourage him.
No, he started on him. The man just parked his van and he come out and let
tiles down.
I mean, what sort of street is this?
Used to be decent round here once.
He parked outside of my window.
How would you like it if he parked outside of your window? Oh, come on, Mr
Garnet. Come on inside.
Yes, and move it.
I'd like to go back where you come from.
What did you say?
I think.
Haven't you ever wondered where you might have come from?
You is rude and disgusting.
I'm never coming to park in this city again.
Has he gone?
Has he gone? Because if he ain't, I'll go out of here. What's come over you
lately? You never used to be like this.
Well, not as bad as this.
He's going demented.
You're behaving like a child.
I'm ashamed of you.
Getting yourself in the local papers, brawling in the dance hall. What's come
over you? I'm ashamed to call you my landlord.
Living here, what do you expect?
You live among animals.
You've got to stand up for yourself.
You'd better get the dog. I don't need no bloody doctor. You need something.
Perhaps some tablets.
It's probably your time of life.
Menopause. Oh, menopause you in a minute.
Here.
He's moved it.
I've got him to move it.
You think twice before you park down here again.
You bloody dago swine.
He goes up there to see that merry widow, that's where he's going.
He goes up there to give her one.
We all know what goes on up there.
Someone says there's been a fight.
Mr Garnet was fighting.
Are you hurt? I'm all right.
But he was lucky, though.
He was very, very lucky, he was.
He was lucky Mrs Johnson was here to stop it, I tell you.
That's all.
I'm still strong.
I can still be harmful, I can.
Take celebrities with me, I tell you.
Nobody pushes me around and gets away with it.
I caught a few out there, but I could always take a punch.
I'll go down the pub and I'll get you a brandy.
It's still up there with the merry weather.
His van's parked on the corner down the bottom. Down the bottom of the street,
he's parked there.
What? I think you're jealous.
What? I think you fancy giving her one yourself.
You're foul -mouthed, you are.
Well, that's what the fight was over at the tea dance. You was fighting over it,
wasn't you? Two stags with their horns locked.
You better watch your mouth out.
Where are you going with that bucket?
None of your business.
I'm a bit fussy, I am. I'm a bit...
about what I do with myself. I don't want to get AIDS.
I'll be upstairs if anybody rings or knocks.
You crafty old looking one.
Go on, tiger.
I'm going upstairs to clean the outside of her windows.
I don't lay about on my arse all day like some people I've mentioned.
But you work for it, is she? No, she's making me a meat pudding for it, if you
must know.
Oh, good. Well, save me some. No!
I'm cleaning the outside of her windows for that. If there's any left over, I'm
having that too.
How can you reach the outside of her windows? You haven't got a ladder.
By using my nut.
Something you wouldn't know much about, jungle boy.
Don't you worry about me.
God, blimey, I can smell it.
Oh, that smells marvellous, that does.
It's making my mouth water, this.
How long will it be?
Oh, I'm ready to dish up now, but you be careful.
Don't you worry about me, Mrs... Oh, blimey.
Don't worry me.
I've been up higher places than this when I was in the army.
In the dock, I've been up in a ship's crow's nest, I have.
I bid you.
Oh, my, my floor!
Oh, sorry.
That's all right.
Right then.
There we go.
That is lovely!
Yummy yummy!
Break the glass.
You won't. If I break the glass, I can get a saw and I can saw through the
frame. Oh, yes.
Who's going to pay for a new one?
He's got no money.
Oh, I'll fix something. The first thing to do is to get him out. Is it?
You leave that window alone. I'm not sitting in here with no window.
I can't sit there forever.
I'll serve him right if he had to.
I should never have agreed to let him clean my windows.
I might have known.
want him sitting there staring at me all day.
I don't want to have to sit and look at him all day.
I'm trying to make a very important phone call here.
Yeah, but this is an emergency.
Oh, it's true. There's a man stuck in a window here.
It's true.
Look, will you just get off the line?
But this is an emergency.
We've got a cross line.
Oh, we've always got them.
It's two women.
Oh, they're always on there.
backwards wide, don't you? Cause more trouble.
You all right, Alf?
Do I look all right?
What's he doing up there?
He's stuck up there.
Is he?
He's stuck up there, are you?
You picked a nice day for it.
We want someone to phone the fire brigade.
Yeah? He's got a phone, hasn't he? It's a cross line. We can't keep him off
talking. Yeah. You've got a phone.
There's a call box round the corner.
We've tried. It's not working.
Will you phone him?
I'm just going out.
Well, it won't take a minute. It's a 999 emergency.
You can't call out the fire brigade for a thing like that. They're busy people.
You can't drag them out just because some silly old sod's got himself stuck
window.
You're a carpenter.
Now, when I come back, I'll have a look in the yellow pages.
You just stay there, Mr Garnet.
Fresh air will do you good.
He's phone will be free in a minute.
You want to phone the fire brigade?
Well, they won't thank you.
Is he all right?
He don't look too happy out there, do he?
He's lucky it's summer.
Lucky it's not raining.
I don't know, though.
You don't look too bright up there.
It looks like rain.
It might hold off.
It might hold off.
You'd better have this.
It's health, isn't it?
His reward for cleaning my windows is the meat pudding I cooked him for
my windows.
Would you like it? Yeah.
Shame to see it go to waste, I suppose.
Shame to waste it.
Shame to waste it.
And this is his beer.
Oh, thanks.
Will you eat it before it gets cold?
I feel a bit guilty with him watching.
Well, he can't eat it.
No, well, that's what I mean. It's a shame to waste it, isn't it?
You know, it's...
Oh, that's good.
That's nice.
He would have enjoyed this.
He would have enjoyed this.
It's a bit hard, him watching while I'm eating. I feel guilty.
Shall I pull the blinds?
Look a bit rotten, that.
Wouldn't it?
Shutting him out.
No, you can't.
Can you?
Yes, I can.
You shouldn't have done that.
I'm raining.
I thought it would. I said it would.
It won't be much, though. I think you're going to be lucky. It won't be much.
Just a shower.
Oh, it's raining.
Yes.
So I've just said.
It won't be much, though. With a bit of luck, it won't be much.
number two.
I'm on the top of that and we can get to him.
One cheek at a time.
That's it. Come on.
It's him.
I'm not helping him.
No, wait.
Let's get him down first. He can bloody stay down.
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