Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all we are.

But they don't give a monkey's sanity, I just said, and they've gone and I'll be

pensioned for a star.

No, it won't be very long before I'm by her side, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just because it's

and it helps us, that I'll do.

Bloody hell.

Why can't she answer it?

She's out there.

She can hear as well as I can.

Bloody cow.

Oh, Christ.

say, only we thought as we was passing we'd just drop in. I said to Gwynny,

didn't I?

I said, we can't walk past Mr Garnet's door without dropping in to say hello.

I've just taken her up to Arley Street to see a specialist.

You've been up Arley Street?

And you're passing my front door in East End of London on your way home to

Eastbourne. And I'm pleased to see you.

Is he the doctor?

No, that is Mr Carnot.

I don't like his surgery.

I say, she's got a new hearing aid.

I'm saying you've got a new hearing aid.

But I'll still have to shout.

What the bloody hell is she doing?

Yes, what are you doing?

What are you... Here, look at my lips. Watch my lips. What are you... You want

to see everything, Doctor.

You don't.

Put your clothes back on. Mr Garnet's not a doctor.

I say, you ask him if he wants a sample.

You said you would, men.

You know I don't like asking men questions like that. You know it

me. You know it does.

Because I've got nothing to do it in.

I want something to do it in. Tell him I need a respectable.

Get out of dress for crying out loud.

like the look of him.

He don't look like a doctor to me.

I thought they was posh in Arley Street.

Oh, hello.

Where's Mr Garnet?

Oh, he's gone in there.

Oh, hello.

Oh, no, you don't.

You wait your turn.

I was here before you, you know.

We've come all the way from Eastbourne, I have.

Anyway, it isn't your fault. service. It's ours.

We started it.

Thought I paid in a lot more than you have.

It's the kids, you know, bunking in before us.

Sit down.

You take your turn.

She thinks Mr Garnage is the doctor.

Oh.

I'll go to my room, eh?

Where's he gone?

He's gone to see the other doctor.

There's nothing to read here. There should be something to read.

I mean, if he's going to take all that time, there ought to be something to

read. Here you are. There's something to read.

What's this?

He is not a doctor. He is a friend.

Who's a friend?

He is a friend. You can come out and...

Mr Garnet, I've explained everything.

He's not the doctor. No, that is Mr Garnet.

You swine!

I'll tell the police on you.

Where's the phone?

Non, non, non. Non, non, non. This is a non, non, non job.

Where's the phone?

Is anyone there? Put that back there. And read what's written on there.

He is not a doctor. He is a friend.

Yes. Oh.

He's your friend? Yes.

Oh. Well, how do you do?

I'm ever so sorry.

You must excuse me.

I was waiting for the doctor, only he disappeared.

It's a bit of all right, you know.

Get you undressed, leave you without a robe or anything, then they waltz off

somewhere. This is not the bloody doctors.

No, I see what you mean.

Was you waiting to see him too?

Oh, isn't it marvellous, though? Can't see you're meeting your friend in here.

Well...

We live in Eastbourne, you know.

Do you live in Eastbourne too?

This is Mr Garnet. Who?

Garnet. Mr Garnet.

Garnet? Yes.

Did you say Garnet? Yes. Sit down.

Where's my bag? There.

Here's your bag. Sit down a minute.

Oh.

Our doctors put her on pills.

But he don't give her enough, I don't think.

And I don't know why, because she's a lot better off when she's on the pills.

She just sits and sleeps, and that's what you tell her. But, of course, when

they wear off, she's a nuisance. She's my sister, and I have to admit it, she's

a relation, but I am aware of the trouble that she is, because I have to

after her, you see, and I don't get no thanks.

Not that I expect any.

Not that I want any.

And I don't complain.

She's my sister.

And families are a blessing.

Although I'm more of a blessing to her than what she is to me.

The doctors get their money.

They're very nice.

Some of them are kind, but she's only another client to them, and she's seen

hundreds of them. So there's plenty of them who's had their share out of her.

Oh, they are wonderful people.

All the doctors and nurses are, as everyone says, but whatever they do,

charge for it. Now, our doctor's got a Rolls Royce, so Eastbourne can't be that

healthy, and I'm not complaining, but nobody's ever offered me anything for

what I do for her.

But then I'm only a relation. I'm someone to look after what the National

don't want to do.

I don't know what she's costing them, but they seem to think she's worth it.

I'm not being wicked when I say that when she goes, it won't be no hardship.

Oh, I love her, Mr Garnett, I do, I love her.

But it won't do her any harm when she goes.

What's that noise upstairs?

You've got burglars. Mrs Ollenbury.

She lives upstairs.

Oh, is she still here?

She lives here.

Oh, you are wicked.

Still, never mind. You enjoy yourself while you can. And don't mind me because

I'm broad -minded.

And thanks for letting us stay.

You're not staying here.

No, no, of course not. And you mustn't try and make us.

We've got to go home. I know we're old friends, but you mustn't let us put on

you. We'll just stay for tea and we'll see how we go from there. Come along,

Gwynny. Get yourself all dressed up again. Yes, because Mr Garnet has

to have tea here with him. Oh, she was thrilled when I told her that we was

coming to see you.

Say hello to Mr Garnet. Hello.

And say thank you.

For asking us to stay at the tea.

Thank you for asking us to stay to tea.

Oh, hello.

Is he your son?

No.

He's a lovely boy.

No.

Mr Garnet hasn't got a son.

He's got a daughter.

A daughter.

Oh, a daughter.

She your daughter?

She's a lovely girl.

Has she been away?

She's nice and brown.

I don't like people staying with me, Arthur.

I thought they was relations.

No, they're like to be, yes.

Like to be, yeah.

I mean, I don't want to malign the woman, you know.

Her husband was a mate of mine, but we was always a cut above her.

Anyway, they ain't staying. I've packed them off back to Eastbourne.

You're a hard man, Alfie. You don't help people.

I helped them. I helped them look out the time of the trains.

And she thought you was the doctor.

She's balmy, mate. She thinks she's a medium.

She reckons she gets messages from the other side.

No. Yeah.

Min told me that her husband, Bertie, spoke to her the other night through

Gwyneth from the other side.

Yeah? Yeah.

Well, I mean, that old Bertie, he's been dead for years, hasn't he? I mean, if

he was going to take the trouble to talk to anyone from the other side, he ain't

going to talk to bloody Minnie, is he? No, of course not.

Anyway, oh, Min told me...

That Bert told her that I owe him five pounds.

Bloody liar.

If I owe him five pounds, why don't you come down and say it to me face instead

of sitting up there brooding about it? There you are.

Surprise, surprise.

Who is he?

Guess who?

If you guess wrong, you'll have to pay a profit.

Now do you know who it is?

He always guesses me.

Who is it?

No, Peaking.

He always makes out he doesn't know.

I'm counting.

One, two, three.

Okay, I'll give in. You're getting it. I know, right.

You should have been quicker.

Oh, bloody hell, what was he done?

Oh, blimey, look.

Oh, look who it was.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

You're someone else.

Oh, dear, you must allow me to apologise.

I mean, it's so easy to mistake people nowadays, isn't it?

It's not your fault. You know, he reminded me of someone.

A pal of my Harold's.

Workmate. Used to take me company when Harold was out.

You're not him, are you? No, no, no. It's not him, is it, men?

No. No, of course not.

Of course not. He was much fatter.

You know, fatter in the face, longer nose.

But he was sure cut.

He was sure style exactly.

Except he was a much bigger man.

Though he'd have never known it to look at me.

I used to know him on such and such.

We always was larking about together.

Oh, only in fun.

He always made out he didn't know who I was. Just in fun, you know. It was our

little game. But he was quicker than you. He used to lift me right up off my

feet. Who are you? Who are you?

I don't know who you are, he used to say, but I'm going to find out,

he used to say. I'm going to have knowledge of you.

I can still feel his rough hands.

Rough but gentle, his hands was.

Like to rest in a foreign field.

Well, they never shipped them home in them days.

Not in that war.

Would have come too expensive, I suppose.

I'll get this all the time, all through television, all through breakfast,

dinner and tea.

She's no company, not if it's a decent programme that you're watching.

She seems to be stuck in the war years.

We get her married some nights.

Unnaturally unnatural.

So it's all been a revelation to me.

Well, you knew Bert, didn't you? You knew him. His appetites went no further

than his duties called for.

That's right.

I took him to the Marriage Guidance Council.

I took him all round all the hospitals.

I had everything examined, and they were thorough too.

They're poking about in all manner of places.

I've tried everything, took him everywhere, but in the end I had to

that was the way he was.

He seemed to prefer your company to mine. I often used to wonder, but of

course... That was in the days when we didn't know what we know today.

That was before they opened the closet and let them all out.

As I said, I have often wondered, and I see you've got that little black boy

living with you now.

Shut up!

Why haven't you gone home? Well, we decided to stay the night. You what? No,

it's a bit late to be travelling all that way back now.

Two women alone on a train.

You can't tell what might not happen.

Why didn't you catch her on the train?

I couldn't get her there in time.

Of course you could.

I'll give you the time on the train.

No, but I had to get her ready. It takes a lot of preparing before you can move

her. Shut up!

Oh, she keeps forgetting her meals.

She forgets she's Adam.

She'd eat all day if I could afford to let her.

She's greedy.

I'm telling them you're greedy.

Can I get you a drink, Alf?

Yeah, same again for me. She nicked mine.

Just a port and lemon for me, please.

With a gin in it.

What about her?

You want a drink?

Tardy you're tardy.

if he let himself, there's not much that more that needs doing, you know.

Never mind.

Perhaps it'll get better.

Aye.

Oh, you staring at.

Oh, she's staring at.

We don't need anything.

Mrs... Gwyneth.

Gwyneth. Can I get you anything?

Aye. Can I get you anything?

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Could have a nice pot of tea and some buttered tea.

Just be a bit of a laugh, that's all.

Oh, I don't know.

Dabbling with the unknown.

I mean, inviting spirits into the house. No. No, look, she can't do it, can she?

Just be a bit of a giggle, that's all.

Yeah, well, say she can.

And if she can, there's no knowing who she might invite in. Well, it'd be old

Bert and other people that we know.

I mean, they're mediums. They only bring down people that you ask for.

I mean, Arthur's coming and Marigold and his sissy boyfriend.

You'll be safe enough.

I mean, we'll get a few drinks in, you know, make a little bit of a party of

Why are you inviting me?

Well, you've got to have a full table, haven't you?

Hey, I mean, they won't come down.

The spirits, that is, you know.

Well, you can't expect them to come down all this way and it's like a proper

audience. One of their rules, I suppose, it has to be like parties of people,

you know.

It has to be seven.

Like in your diet.

He knows, ask him.

Me? I don't know nothing.

You have witch doctors?

Listen, I'm not having any witch doctors round here.

No, there won't be no black magic or blimey. Look, you went up to see that...

What's her name? Folks.

Doris. Doris Folks.

Well, that was the London Palladium, wasn't it?

Well, that's the sort of thing we're going to be doing here.

Oh, no, no.

No, you let her fill the place with all sorts of people from the other side.

Some of them may not want to leave.

And I don't want to live in a haunted house.

No. Well... We'll get an exercise.

That's what I said, smartass.

Anyway, look, she can't do it. It's just a bit of a giggle. We'll have a little

bit of a party. I mean, who do you think's going to take all the trouble to

all the way from the other side just to talk to her?

Doris Stokes had them talking to her. That was the London Palladium. Of course

they'll go there.

Everybody wants to get on there, don't they?

You know, Bing Crosby and Max Bygraves and Danny Kaye, they was all on there,

but I mean...

No one's going to come down here just to talk to her for me bloody Gwyneth, are

they?

Thank you.

It's for you.

No, no, darling, it's all right. You don't have to tip him. He belongs to Mr

Garnet.

Fell off the back of a lorry this afternoon.

Lucky it didn't break.

Hey, hey, hey! Turn the light off in there.

It's only one small bowl. It's still waste electric, isn't it? I'm saving up

a bath.

Well, I'll give you something towards that.

I'm sure we all would.

I've got an air freshener here.

I'll keep it for her.

But they do help.

Put that bloody thing away. I don't need no sodding air freshener. What's the

matter with you? It's not for your benefit.

Look, when's she going to start?

Who wants her to go into her trance, don't we?

Your mind first.

That shouldn't take long, should it?

As soon as her mind is empty, the spirits can enter.

The spirits are entering his mind.

Well, they talk to her, do they?

She'd be mad. They want to talk to her.

No, they talk through her.

If they were to talk to her, she wouldn't hear them because she's deaf,

Well, who hears them?

I do. Oh.

Won't we hear them then? Oh, you might do.

If you don't, I would be telling you what they say.

She had that act for donkey's years.

Never put her teeth in.

She went... She went everywhere in

her slippers.

Boiled everything, even jumpers.

That's it.

She's emptied her mind.

Put the light out.

Here, here. I don't want to sit in the dark. It's all right. I'm just shaving

them.

That's it.

Now then, hands on the table, fingers touching.

Yeah, we don't want any wandering hands.

Is there anyone there?

She would go. I wish they'd both go.

You all thought you was in your trance then.

Well, my glass is empty.

Oh, give her another drink.

It'll steady her, help her to relax.

I was hoping for something a bit stronger.

The spirit.

Whoever the glass stops before contains the evil spirit.

We don't want any old black magic.

It's not black magic, it's white magic. I've seen it done.

Now then, try once more.

Ready?

Evil spirit.

We seek Him here, we seek Him there.

I'm sorry.

I'll do the cleaning. I'll do the cleaning.

And I'll... Let him live with you rent free.

Rent free?

I'm very upset with the way you're treating me.

I'm sorry.

You've made me sleep on the floor out there while you've got a nice,

bed. I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

Barney, you're being forward.

I want you to sleep in my bed. You'll be more comfortable in my bed.

is God.

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