All language subtitles for In Sickness And In Health s03e02

Now, my old darling, they've laid her
down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all we are.

But they don't give a monkey's down at
the age of six, and they've gone and

be fencing for a star.

No, it won't be very long before I'm
tired of dying, but I'll probably starve

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor,
that's a fact, just because it exists

it helps, that's what I'll do.

Crack!

Ah, you're in. Ooh, you're getting
bright.

You're getting very bright, very
observant. He let himself in. He's got a

and let himself in.

Everybody's bright tonight. Must be
something in the water. It's like the

brain's trusting here, isn't it?

Mastermind. I don't like him having a
key. I've started, so I'll finish.

Someone of Magnus Magnuson ain't asked
you to go on his show.

And I don't like you washing into my
living room as if you owned it.

But I live here, Mrs Ollingbury. You
should not before you come in. Oh, yeah,

and who'd be moaning about dragging you
down the stairs to open the door to let

him in?

He's your lodger. You should open the
door for him.

And what if I'm out?

You know, you're a very unreasonable
man. You just don't try and get on with

Can I talk to you for a minute, Mr
Garnet? What?

Well, it's rather private.

What do you mean you don't want her
listening?

I don't want to hear your business.

Well, if you was upstairs your own half
of the house, you wouldn't be able to,

would you?

It's all right.

I'll talk to you later. You're not going
out, are you? Only having a pub later,

that's all.

That's all you ever do?

It must be warmer down here in this
room.

Must be more comfortable than upstairs,
is it?

Do you think it gives me any pleasure
being down here with you, Mr Garnet?

no, thank you.

You're the last company I would choose
to be in.

I have to live above you. I can't help
that.

Oh, if only I could move away from you
and people like you.

If the Lord answers my prayers and the
council finds me somewhere else to live,

I shall be grateful to my dying day.

And he should soon. The Lord will find
me somewhere soon.

I've lit enough candles and said enough
prayers.

He'll deliver me from the likes of you
soon.

What I've done to deserve it, I shall
never know, but I'll find out.

When he calls me and I stand before him,
I shall ask him, I shall say, why did

you make me live upstairs above Mr.
Darling?

It's a dreadful punishment and one I'm
sure I don't deserve.

Yeah, well, in the meantime, until he
does call you, why don't you go upstairs

your own half of the house and say a few
more prayers to him?

And then I've got... Tell me what his
private business down here.

You'll be nearer to him up there.

I don't care what you say. I still think
she fancies you.

This is a private conversation, if you
don't mind.

All that charisma. The turn of phrase,
you silver -toned smoothie.

All right, all right.

What do you want?

Well, I've got this form from the
council.

Now, if you sign it and say that you're
my landlord, I can get a rent allowance.

If I sign it?

I thought we were slipping you the
readies. But I can get... Never mind

could get. What about what I could get?

I could get a tax man on my door. That's
what I could get. Yeah, but you don't

pay tax. I don't intend to, neither.

I don't sign no bloody papers.

Blimey. They think I'm a landlord. They
come on me like a ton of bricks. We've

got to sweeten her up as it is. And you,
stop annoying her.

Yes.

And another thing, look.

Try and make out you don't live here,
you know.

Make out you're leaving at night, you
know. Stand on the doorstep and yell,

night, Mr Garnett, see you in the
morning.

Because I'm black. Now, what do you do
with being black? You've got black on

brain, you have.

Just don't want people thinking I'm
taking in lodgers, that's all.

Somebody might grasp to the DHSS.

Only mother upstairs, more than likely.

As it is, I say I've got to bung her and
promise her you'll do things for her.

What thing?

Well, she wants early morning tea at
six, breakfast at eight, coffee at

lunch at twelve, afternoon tea at three,
I .T. at six, supper at nine. She wants

all the laundry... Now, just a minute!

You like the rain, don't you?

Don't know what I'd do without this
place, Harper.

I'll bet.

Nothing on the telly.

No, never is.

Nothing you'd want to watch. Nothing I
want to watch. Nor me.

I mean... The

money they charge for it, you know?

You think they've put sunning on, eh?

It's not cheap.

I tried watching it tonight. I had to
give up.

It's not easy.

It's either coming over here or sitting
with yourself.

I searched all over it the other night
trying to find that pornography they

talking about.

I wouldn't watch it. I couldn't find it.

That Mary Whitehouse, she seems to know
where to find it.

She's an expert, isn't she? A porn
expert, that Mary Whitehouse.

She spent a lifetime studying it, she
has.

Been studying it for years, hasn't she?

In at the start.

I bet there's nobody who knows more
about porn than she does.

Lord Longford.

No, she's been at it longer.

But he started before she did.

Yeah, but she's been at it longer.

He seems to have given up on it lately,
doesn't he?

Probably got a bit too much for him.

He used to travel all over the world to
find it, didn't he?

That's right.

I think I'm correct in saying it was him
what introduced it to this country.

And he's not a young man, neither.

Oh, no, you've got to be a young man for
that sort of thing, huh? Full of

energy. And willing to travel.

She don't seek the trouble much to find
it, does she?

Who, Mrs Whitehouse?

She's about to find all she needs here.

On the television?

Yeah, all she wants.

I can't find it.

Look for the Red Triangle.

Red Triangle? That's what they say.

Programmed with the Red Triangle.
Channel 4.

That's where you'll find the filth.

I didn't know that.

It's been all the papers. It's been well
publicised, Ez.

I've looked at Channel 4. I've never
seen anything worth watching much.

We've got a search for it, Arthur.

I'll give it another go, then.

Arthur, have you seen this?

The bloody government stuck that through
my letterbox.

AIDS. Don't die of ignorance.

Everyone's getting them out. That's a
bloody cheat, that is.

What sort of people don't think we are?

It's an insult that he's putting that
through my letterbox.

Listen, government wants to warn people.
They don't want to stick that through

everybody's letterbox. No, no.

They might make a few inquiries.

I could tell them whose letterbox to
stick that through.

Anyway, round here, mate, it's not AIDS
that's the killer. It's age, old age.

That's the killer round here. I mean,
the bloody government has spent a

on advertising AIDS. Don't spend a penny
on what's really killing people.

I'll tell you something.

People who get AIDS, Arthur, deserve to
get AIDS. It's their own fault and they

deserve the consequences and bloody good
riddance to them.

Unnatural behaviour causes AIDS, doesn't
it?

It's fornication, isn't it?

And decent, respectable people don't go
around fornicating, do they?

Oh, come on, Alf.

I bet you did your share of fornicating
when you was younger.

And you're decent and respectable.

Right, but some of us is a bit fussy
about who we do it with.

I mean, so you're wild. Oh, sure, that's
all part of a man's education, isn't

it?

It fits him out with the experience he
needs to take to his wife on a wedding

night.

I mean, it's his duty to equip himself
with that sort of knowledge, isn't it?

I mean, unless he's been...

deceived by it, and landed herself with
a wrong. And that is knowledge that he

can't expect his bride to have.

Because that is knowledge that a decent,
innocent, virginal girl would expect

her husband to have acquired as part of
his preparation and grooming for the

marital bed.

You sound like you've been reading
Barbara Cartland.

Dear Elf, after...

Been a lot of women in your life, then?

Oh, yeah.

No, but I mean, I'm not the sort of man
to boast about his conquest. Oh, no.

It's not my fault, Arthur, but I
realised years ago that I was the sort

that one woman could never be enough
for.

I mean, I suppose, if the truth be told,
really, I should never have got

married. No. I mean, there was else.

God bless her soul.

Madly and beside herself in love with
me. Well, what could I do? What could I

do, eh? I couldn't be a rotter and dump
her, could I?

No. Not in me to treat a woman like
that, Arthur.

I mean, there she was, sweet and pure,
devoted to me.

Her art was set upon me.

I mean, her whole life, everything would
have been destroyed.

Laid wait might have said no, but I mean
luckily for her I knew I knew my duty

And you know There is a

joy in giving I I

made her the happiest woman alive

And that was enough for me

Enough for her, too, I suppose.

See, when I was half, I started inviting
foreigners into this country.

No, no, no, watch it, Alf. You've got to
be careful how you mention foreigners

these days.

I mean, say what you like about the
English, but button your lip when you

about foreigners.

I mean, your free speech don't stretch
to ethnics.

Big mistake, that was.

I mean, how are we to know what they're
going to bring in with them?

Point, Alf. Yeah.

I mean, if we must have them, they
should all be put in quarantine.

Tourists as well.

I mean, if they're not prepared to spend
six months in quarantine, sod them, let

them go somewhere else.

I'll tell you something, mate, AIDS is
not English disease, is it? No, it

start here.

None of the neural diseases started
here.

It was all brought in here by
foreigners.

I mean, it's not fair, Arthur, look.

I'm on those pieces, right?

Right. Right?

Right. I mean, if I've got it right,
give me right. No, you're right. You're

right. I like a drop of whiskey, right?
Right.

I mean, it's the medicine, to be honest.
Yeah, sure, sure. But I can't get a

prescription for it, can I?

I'm not paid in enough for it, am I? I
mean, if I was a drug addict, I mean,

they'd get all they want on the National
Health Day, do they? Yes, yes. Clean

needles. I mean, they'd get
prescriptions now for heroin, cocaine,

the Valiums, the sleeping pills. They
hand them out like bloody sweets, they

Yeah.

Or even your sex maniac can get his
condoms for free now.

Now, when you're poor and starving and
old -age pensioner like I am, nobody

wants to give me nothing.

Not even AIDS.

Here he comes. Here he comes. Dr Cyril.
A man of the hypocritical

oath, you know, and he's living in sin
with my daughter.

And I'm supposed to look happy when I
see him. Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, a large whiskey, medicinal.

Medicinal? Why, what's wrong with you?
Nothing you'd understand.

And you are? Oh, yeah, I'll have a drop
of the same, please.

Doctor, could you spare me a minute?

I was going to come down and see you
tomorrow, but as you're here now, it's

chest. Not now. If you care to pop into
the surgery tomorrow.

Yeah, well, if you'll have a look at it
now, save me the time, you see. Doctor,

you know about my foot. I'm not holding
surgery here.

Oh, God.

Oh, my leg. It's the one I told you
about this morning again. I told you I

find anything wrong with your leg.
That's what the other soppy old sod used

say, didn't he?

He was baffled by it too. I ain't got
the honesty to say that they ain't got

knowledge. No, now let me suffer.

I've got to suffer through their
ignorance.

Just my luck in it to have a leg that's
got to wait for medical knowledge to

catch up with it.

It's the same with my chest.

They've had my chest down that surgery
for years now and it's never responded

anything they've tried on it.

My chest has been all over London.

A bit like your leg, I'm afraid. It's
before its time.

I mean, I've had the odd month off here
and there, but nothing like I've been

entitled to.

Even past the army medical it did. They
sent me to war, a sick man.

I tell you what, Alf, if ever I catch
anything else, I pray to God it's

something they know about.

You're getting your money too easy, if
you ask me. Try and cut down on the

smoking.

I don't smoke.

He's got something wrong with him, the
smoking didn't cause.

But you're pleased we popped in here
tonight?

Yeah. Cheers, yeah, cheers. Yeah, well,
don't drink too much of it. Too much of

it? How do you think we're going to get
too much of anything on old age pension,

eh?

Unless you care to prescribe it for us.
And I don't mean medicine.

A few juicy steaks on the national
wealth.

They'll go a long way to curing a lot of
what's wrong with people around here, I

tell you.

Better than these, Will.

Here.

Doctor, them Valiums, I mean, I prefer a
drink myself, but, you know, they're

very popular, aren't they? You don't
want them.

Why not?

They're habit -forming.

So is this.

And so is this.

And they're habits I'm finding it very
hard to afford. I mean, if you can put

in the way of some cheaper habits, you
know, something that'll do the trick.

I would be very grateful, son.

Well, valium, things like that, they're
really for people who are very depressed

and finding it very difficult to face
life.

People who let things get on top of
them.

I'm very depressed.

I'm finding life very difficult to face.
I'm letting things get on top of me.

And what you're doing with my daughter
is one of them. Oh, come on. He's doing

nothing wrong with Rita, Miss McGowan.
Have you read this, eh?

He's a doctor. You should know better,
doctor.

Eh? What's that got to do with it?

Well, has he been checked?

Checked? He's a doctor. Well, does that
make him immune, does it?

I suppose the germs ignore him, do they?

They say, oh, no, we mustn't give him
anything. He's a doctor.

Of course they catch things. It's them
what spread it about, isn't it? I mean,

they catch things off one patient and
give it to another.

That's why I don't like going too near
them. Don't breathe all over me.

The more I see of doctors like him...

Messing about with people's daughters.

I mean, he should be one of the first to
be checked. I can assure you, Mr

Garnett, you need have no fear.

Well, you've been cleared, have you? Not
surprised the way you live.

Doctor, do you think I'd be wise to get
myself cleared?

No, not you.

Why? What have you been up to, Arthur?
Nothing.

Well, not lately, but I was in the war,
wasn't I?

And I messed about a bit then, and some
of them with foreign girls.

And we was told not to mess about with
foreign girls, but... Well, you know how

it is. I mean, well, nothing's shown
yet. Well, I mean, but, you know,

it lays dormant, doesn't it?

That's too far away, Arthur. You've got
to have done it lately.

Yeah, but they're going back farther all
the time, aren't they? Yeah, but not as

far as the war.

Arthur, my wife, do you think I ought to
get her cleared? I'm afraid there's

quite a bit of hysteria developing about
this.

I'm inclined to think that people with
AIDS have more to fear from us than we

have from them.

Their immunity to disease has
diminished, and the germs that we carry

be lethal to them.

The germs we carry on us? You speak for
yourself.

You're laughing, ain't you? You should
complain about germs. You make all your

big profits, innit? I mean, look at his
lot with your AIDS. It's the best thing

that's ever happened to them, innit?
It's marvellous for his business. He's

rubbing his AIDS, they are.

Whee!

AIDS! AIDS!

full employment and bigger profits for
him and his mates, innit? I mean, now

they're talking about compulsory blood
tests, innit? Whoa!

Look at all the money to be made.

Age! Age!

It's a boom for your doctors. Oh!

What a marvellous new disease.

Age! Oh, there'll be a lot of money in
that. Stocks and shares are going up.

Compulsory blood tests. We shall have to
extend our premises and take on a lot

more staff. Yes, well, I must go. I've
got calls to make. Patience to tea. Oh,

yes. Mustn't neglect the business.

Must... I open up the shop for a few
more hours. I keep the money, roll it

You want to see someone who's sick,
mate?

I am sick. There's one here standing
right in front of you. I am sick. I'm

of life. Sick of this life I am. I tell
you. And tired of the bloody unfairness

of it all.

Yeah? I'll tell you something.

If I had some of the money that I'll pay
to have insurance and national health,

I'd be a rich man. I wouldn't need that
bloody rotten, stinking pension.

You're right, Mr... Don't stall me.

Dirty shops, innit?

Yeah, well, that's why your windows are
painted all over.

So as your casual passers -by can't see
anything and complain.

Disgusting.

You have to go inside to see anything.

Or anything sort of... Yeah, you know,
like... Coming in?

Should do, I suppose.

So as we know what sort of properties
people get up to. I mean, Lord Longford

and Mary Whitehouse, they had to see it.

We've got to see it. I mean, we can't
hide from it. No,

we've got to go in. Oh, yeah.

We've got to steal ourselves.

Like they've done, you know.

Lord Longford and Mary Whitehouse.

I mean, you've got to know what sort of
perverse it is.

You're up against?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no good hiding away from it. I
mean, if they hadn't searched it out for

us... What,

Lord Longford and Mary Whitehouse?

Yeah. We wouldn't know what's going on,
would we? No, right.

So, um, we... Well... After you, Arthur.

Yeah.

Um...

Gusting. Yeah.

See why they paint the windows out,
don't you?

Yeah.

That's what it's called.

I mean,

decent, respectable people. I mean, I
shouldn't have to look at things like

this.

No, nor this.

Bloody hell.

That's disgusting, that.

That's the sort of...

your Lord Longford used to take home
from Mary Whitehouse or something.

Yeah.

Oh, here, look at this. She'd like to
see that.

Oh, dear Lord.

It's disgusting.

She ought to see that.

Send it to her.

And him. Oh, yeah, and him. He ought to
see it too, yeah.

Look at this, Lord. What?

Whips and chains and... Well, that
bondage that is, you see, there's people

who like to be chained up and whipped.

There's men, you see, who pay girls to
do that.

But that'd hurt, wouldn't it?

There's some men who like to lay down
naked and let girls walk all over them

with eyes to let their wheels on.

And that's...

It's a fact.

It's their thing like.

See, they get a sexual thrill out of it.

Not for the likes of you and me. I mean,
it's not a working class thing. It's

more you're up for classes going for
that sort of thing. It's a sort of a

perversion they suffer from, you see.

It's passed down the line.

All to do with inbreeding, you see.

They like to keep it among themselves.

They never go outside their own circle
for it, except for oars and prostitutes

when they're sowing their wild oats sort
of thing.

See, they like to try and keep
themselves

thoroughbreds like their dogs and their
horses.

And you never see thoroughbred dogs and
horses except they're highly sensitive,

as they call it.

Mad is the word.

And you see, I mean...

a dog will snap at you, or if it's a
horse, he'll kick out at you.

That is why all your upper -class
families have got someone or other

in a madhouse.

You take your Conservative Party.

I don't mean the ordinary voters like
you, the leaders of it. See, they're

always in sex scandals.

And I don't mean the sort of ordinary
sex that you and me are going for.

New to the world, sex.

I mean... Your Labour Party have their
scandals too.

Not sex scandals.

Well, that's because they can't afford
yours, you see.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

I'd like to get a few Labour MPs in them
chains and put a whip to them, eh?

Half a scargle. What?

I pay for him to be whipped and walked
all over in high heels.

And Tessie O'Shea wearing them and all.

See,

it's the same with your upper classes,
with their food.

See, they never eat their food till it's
rotten.

They're classy, you see. I mean, oh,
yeah. Now, if they had a rabbit, or air

more like, see, they wouldn't put it in
a stew like your eye would or in a pie.

No. No, no. They hang it up in a
cupboard till it stinks the house out

they eat it.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they never eat it
till it's old. It's the same. It's the

same with their booze.

Wine, brandy, whiskey. They don't drink
that till it's old. Cool. No, they won't

drink that while it's still fresh.

I'll buy this one.

Well, someone's got to see it. I mean...
Oh, you mean the getty band?

Yeah, well, someone's got to see it.

Yeah.

Alf?

Alf, are you coming?

Well, just till later. I can't take it
home.

What's the matter? Are you scared of
your old missus or something? Of course

not. I just don't want her to get the
wrong idea, that's all. Go on, then.

it. No, I don't want it. No, I don't
want that.

Go on, then. Wait, huh?

Go on, then.

able to sleep in my bed knowing he's
laying down here beneath me harbouring

thoughts of women

filthy talk in my house. I shall burn
this. And throw him out. And throw him

out. You haven't got a fire. You can't
burn it on an electric fire.

Well, I shall tear it up.