Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all we are.

But they don't give a monkey's down at the age of six, and they've gone and

be fencing for a star.

No, it won't be very long before I'm tired of dying, but I'll probably starve

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just because it exists

it helps, that's what I'll do.

Crack!

Ah, you're in. Ooh, you're getting bright.

You're getting very bright, very observant. He let himself in. He's got a

and let himself in.

Everybody's bright tonight. Must be something in the water. It's like the

brain's trusting here, isn't it?

Mastermind. I don't like him having a key. I've started, so I'll finish.

Someone of Magnus Magnuson ain't asked you to go on his show.

And I don't like you washing into my living room as if you owned it.

But I live here, Mrs Ollingbury. You should not before you come in. Oh, yeah,

and who'd be moaning about dragging you down the stairs to open the door to let

him in?

He's your lodger. You should open the door for him.

And what if I'm out?

You know, you're a very unreasonable man. You just don't try and get on with

Can I talk to you for a minute, Mr Garnet? What?

Well, it's rather private.

What do you mean you don't want her listening?

I don't want to hear your business.

Well, if you was upstairs your own half of the house, you wouldn't be able to,

would you?

It's all right.

I'll talk to you later. You're not going out, are you? Only having a pub later,

that's all.

That's all you ever do?

It must be warmer down here in this room.

Must be more comfortable than upstairs, is it?

Do you think it gives me any pleasure being down here with you, Mr Garnet?

no, thank you.

You're the last company I would choose to be in.

I have to live above you. I can't help that.

Oh, if only I could move away from you and people like you.

If the Lord answers my prayers and the council finds me somewhere else to live,

I shall be grateful to my dying day.

And he should soon. The Lord will find me somewhere soon.

I've lit enough candles and said enough prayers.

He'll deliver me from the likes of you soon.

What I've done to deserve it, I shall never know, but I'll find out.

When he calls me and I stand before him, I shall ask him, I shall say, why did

you make me live upstairs above Mr. Darling?

It's a dreadful punishment and one I'm sure I don't deserve.

Yeah, well, in the meantime, until he does call you, why don't you go upstairs

your own half of the house and say a few more prayers to him?

And then I've got... Tell me what his private business down here.

You'll be nearer to him up there.

I don't care what you say. I still think she fancies you.

This is a private conversation, if you don't mind.

All that charisma. The turn of phrase, you silver -toned smoothie.

All right, all right.

What do you want?

Well, I've got this form from the council.

Now, if you sign it and say that you're my landlord, I can get a rent allowance.

If I sign it?

I thought we were slipping you the readies. But I can get... Never mind

could get. What about what I could get?

I could get a tax man on my door. That's what I could get. Yeah, but you don't

pay tax. I don't intend to, neither.

I don't sign no bloody papers.

Blimey. They think I'm a landlord. They come on me like a ton of bricks. We've

got to sweeten her up as it is. And you, stop annoying her.

Yes.

And another thing, look.

Try and make out you don't live here, you know.

Make out you're leaving at night, you know. Stand on the doorstep and yell,

night, Mr Garnett, see you in the morning.

Because I'm black. Now, what do you do with being black? You've got black on

brain, you have.

Just don't want people thinking I'm taking in lodgers, that's all.

Somebody might grasp to the DHSS.

Only mother upstairs, more than likely.

As it is, I say I've got to bung her and promise her you'll do things for her.

What thing?

Well, she wants early morning tea at six, breakfast at eight, coffee at

lunch at twelve, afternoon tea at three, I .T. at six, supper at nine. She wants

all the laundry... Now, just a minute!

You like the rain, don't you?

Don't know what I'd do without this place, Harper.

I'll bet.

Nothing on the telly.

No, never is.

Nothing you'd want to watch. Nothing I want to watch. Nor me.

I mean... The

money they charge for it, you know?

You think they've put sunning on, eh?

It's not cheap.

I tried watching it tonight. I had to give up.

It's not easy.

It's either coming over here or sitting with yourself.

I searched all over it the other night trying to find that pornography they

talking about.

I wouldn't watch it. I couldn't find it.

That Mary Whitehouse, she seems to know where to find it.

She's an expert, isn't she? A porn expert, that Mary Whitehouse.

She spent a lifetime studying it, she has.

Been studying it for years, hasn't she?

In at the start.

I bet there's nobody who knows more about porn than she does.

Lord Longford.

No, she's been at it longer.

But he started before she did.

Yeah, but she's been at it longer.

He seems to have given up on it lately, doesn't he?

Probably got a bit too much for him.

He used to travel all over the world to find it, didn't he?

That's right.

I think I'm correct in saying it was him what introduced it to this country.

And he's not a young man, neither.

Oh, no, you've got to be a young man for that sort of thing, huh? Full of

energy. And willing to travel.

She don't seek the trouble much to find it, does she?

Who, Mrs Whitehouse?

She's about to find all she needs here.

On the television?

Yeah, all she wants.

I can't find it.

Look for the Red Triangle.

Red Triangle? That's what they say.

Programmed with the Red Triangle. Channel 4.

That's where you'll find the filth.

I didn't know that.

It's been all the papers. It's been well publicised, Ez.

I've looked at Channel 4. I've never seen anything worth watching much.

We've got a search for it, Arthur.

I'll give it another go, then.

Arthur, have you seen this?

The bloody government stuck that through my letterbox.

AIDS. Don't die of ignorance.

Everyone's getting them out. That's a bloody cheat, that is.

What sort of people don't think we are?

It's an insult that he's putting that through my letterbox.

Listen, government wants to warn people. They don't want to stick that through

everybody's letterbox. No, no.

They might make a few inquiries.

I could tell them whose letterbox to stick that through.

Anyway, round here, mate, it's not AIDS that's the killer. It's age, old age.

That's the killer round here. I mean, the bloody government has spent a

on advertising AIDS. Don't spend a penny on what's really killing people.

I'll tell you something.

People who get AIDS, Arthur, deserve to get AIDS. It's their own fault and they

deserve the consequences and bloody good riddance to them.

Unnatural behaviour causes AIDS, doesn't it?

It's fornication, isn't it?

And decent, respectable people don't go around fornicating, do they?

Oh, come on, Alf.

I bet you did your share of fornicating when you was younger.

And you're decent and respectable.

Right, but some of us is a bit fussy about who we do it with.

I mean, so you're wild. Oh, sure, that's all part of a man's education, isn't

it?

It fits him out with the experience he needs to take to his wife on a wedding

night.

I mean, it's his duty to equip himself with that sort of knowledge, isn't it?

I mean, unless he's been...

deceived by it, and landed herself with a wrong. And that is knowledge that he

can't expect his bride to have.

Because that is knowledge that a decent, innocent, virginal girl would expect

her husband to have acquired as part of his preparation and grooming for the

marital bed.

You sound like you've been reading Barbara Cartland.

Dear Elf, after...

Been a lot of women in your life, then?

Oh, yeah.

No, but I mean, I'm not the sort of man to boast about his conquest. Oh, no.

It's not my fault, Arthur, but I realised years ago that I was the sort

that one woman could never be enough for.

I mean, I suppose, if the truth be told, really, I should never have got

married. No. I mean, there was else.

God bless her soul.

Madly and beside herself in love with me. Well, what could I do? What could I

do, eh? I couldn't be a rotter and dump her, could I?

No. Not in me to treat a woman like that, Arthur.

I mean, there she was, sweet and pure, devoted to me.

Her art was set upon me.

I mean, her whole life, everything would have been destroyed.

Laid wait might have said no, but I mean luckily for her I knew I knew my duty

And you know There is a

joy in giving I I

made her the happiest woman alive

And that was enough for me

Enough for her, too, I suppose.

See, when I was half, I started inviting foreigners into this country.

No, no, no, watch it, Alf. You've got to be careful how you mention foreigners

these days.

I mean, say what you like about the English, but button your lip when you

about foreigners.

I mean, your free speech don't stretch to ethnics.

Big mistake, that was.

I mean, how are we to know what they're going to bring in with them?

Point, Alf. Yeah.

I mean, if we must have them, they should all be put in quarantine.

Tourists as well.

I mean, if they're not prepared to spend six months in quarantine, sod them, let

them go somewhere else.

I'll tell you something, mate, AIDS is not English disease, is it? No, it

start here.

None of the neural diseases started here.

It was all brought in here by foreigners.

I mean, it's not fair, Arthur, look.

I'm on those pieces, right?

Right. Right?

Right. I mean, if I've got it right, give me right. No, you're right. You're

right. I like a drop of whiskey, right? Right.

I mean, it's the medicine, to be honest. Yeah, sure, sure. But I can't get a

prescription for it, can I?

I'm not paid in enough for it, am I? I mean, if I was a drug addict, I mean,

they'd get all they want on the National Health Day, do they? Yes, yes. Clean

needles. I mean, they'd get prescriptions now for heroin, cocaine,

the Valiums, the sleeping pills. They hand them out like bloody sweets, they

Yeah.

Or even your sex maniac can get his condoms for free now.

Now, when you're poor and starving and old -age pensioner like I am, nobody

wants to give me nothing.

Not even AIDS.

Here he comes. Here he comes. Dr Cyril. A man of the hypocritical

oath, you know, and he's living in sin with my daughter.

And I'm supposed to look happy when I see him. Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, a large whiskey, medicinal.

Medicinal? Why, what's wrong with you? Nothing you'd understand.

And you are? Oh, yeah, I'll have a drop of the same, please.

Doctor, could you spare me a minute?

I was going to come down and see you tomorrow, but as you're here now, it's

chest. Not now. If you care to pop into the surgery tomorrow.

Yeah, well, if you'll have a look at it now, save me the time, you see. Doctor,

you know about my foot. I'm not holding surgery here.

Oh, God.

Oh, my leg. It's the one I told you about this morning again. I told you I

find anything wrong with your leg. That's what the other soppy old sod used

say, didn't he?

He was baffled by it too. I ain't got the honesty to say that they ain't got

knowledge. No, now let me suffer.

I've got to suffer through their ignorance.

Just my luck in it to have a leg that's got to wait for medical knowledge to

catch up with it.

It's the same with my chest.

They've had my chest down that surgery for years now and it's never responded

anything they've tried on it.

My chest has been all over London.

A bit like your leg, I'm afraid. It's before its time.

I mean, I've had the odd month off here and there, but nothing like I've been

entitled to.

Even past the army medical it did. They sent me to war, a sick man.

I tell you what, Alf, if ever I catch anything else, I pray to God it's

something they know about.

You're getting your money too easy, if you ask me. Try and cut down on the

smoking.

I don't smoke.

He's got something wrong with him, the smoking didn't cause.

But you're pleased we popped in here tonight?

Yeah. Cheers, yeah, cheers. Yeah, well, don't drink too much of it. Too much of

it? How do you think we're going to get too much of anything on old age pension,

eh?

Unless you care to prescribe it for us. And I don't mean medicine.

A few juicy steaks on the national wealth.

They'll go a long way to curing a lot of what's wrong with people around here, I

tell you.

Better than these, Will.

Here.

Doctor, them Valiums, I mean, I prefer a drink myself, but, you know, they're

very popular, aren't they? You don't want them.

Why not?

They're habit -forming.

So is this.

And so is this.

And they're habits I'm finding it very hard to afford. I mean, if you can put

in the way of some cheaper habits, you know, something that'll do the trick.

I would be very grateful, son.

Well, valium, things like that, they're really for people who are very depressed

and finding it very difficult to face life.

People who let things get on top of them.

I'm very depressed.

I'm finding life very difficult to face. I'm letting things get on top of me.

And what you're doing with my daughter is one of them. Oh, come on. He's doing

nothing wrong with Rita, Miss McGowan. Have you read this, eh?

He's a doctor. You should know better, doctor.

Eh? What's that got to do with it?

Well, has he been checked?

Checked? He's a doctor. Well, does that make him immune, does it?

I suppose the germs ignore him, do they?

They say, oh, no, we mustn't give him anything. He's a doctor.

Of course they catch things. It's them what spread it about, isn't it? I mean,

they catch things off one patient and give it to another.

That's why I don't like going too near them. Don't breathe all over me.

The more I see of doctors like him...

Messing about with people's daughters.

I mean, he should be one of the first to be checked. I can assure you, Mr

Garnett, you need have no fear.

Well, you've been cleared, have you? Not surprised the way you live.

Doctor, do you think I'd be wise to get myself cleared?

No, not you.

Why? What have you been up to, Arthur? Nothing.

Well, not lately, but I was in the war, wasn't I?

And I messed about a bit then, and some of them with foreign girls.

And we was told not to mess about with foreign girls, but... Well, you know how

it is. I mean, well, nothing's shown yet. Well, I mean, but, you know,

it lays dormant, doesn't it?

That's too far away, Arthur. You've got to have done it lately.

Yeah, but they're going back farther all the time, aren't they? Yeah, but not as

far as the war.

Arthur, my wife, do you think I ought to get her cleared? I'm afraid there's

quite a bit of hysteria developing about this.

I'm inclined to think that people with AIDS have more to fear from us than we

have from them.

Their immunity to disease has diminished, and the germs that we carry

be lethal to them.

The germs we carry on us? You speak for yourself.

You're laughing, ain't you? You should complain about germs. You make all your

big profits, innit? I mean, look at his lot with your AIDS. It's the best thing

that's ever happened to them, innit? It's marvellous for his business. He's

rubbing his AIDS, they are.

Whee!

AIDS! AIDS!

full employment and bigger profits for him and his mates, innit? I mean, now

they're talking about compulsory blood tests, innit? Whoa!

Look at all the money to be made.

Age! Age!

It's a boom for your doctors. Oh!

What a marvellous new disease.

Age! Oh, there'll be a lot of money in that. Stocks and shares are going up.

Compulsory blood tests. We shall have to extend our premises and take on a lot

more staff. Yes, well, I must go. I've got calls to make. Patience to tea. Oh,

yes. Mustn't neglect the business.

Must... I open up the shop for a few more hours. I keep the money, roll it

You want to see someone who's sick, mate?

I am sick. There's one here standing right in front of you. I am sick. I'm

of life. Sick of this life I am. I tell you. And tired of the bloody unfairness

of it all.

Yeah? I'll tell you something.

If I had some of the money that I'll pay to have insurance and national health,

I'd be a rich man. I wouldn't need that bloody rotten, stinking pension.

You're right, Mr... Don't stall me.

Dirty shops, innit?

Yeah, well, that's why your windows are painted all over.

So as your casual passers -by can't see anything and complain.

Disgusting.

You have to go inside to see anything.

Or anything sort of... Yeah, you know, like... Coming in?

Should do, I suppose.

So as we know what sort of properties people get up to. I mean, Lord Longford

and Mary Whitehouse, they had to see it.

We've got to see it. I mean, we can't hide from it. No,

we've got to go in. Oh, yeah.

We've got to steal ourselves.

Like they've done, you know.

Lord Longford and Mary Whitehouse.

I mean, you've got to know what sort of perverse it is.

You're up against?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no good hiding away from it. I mean, if they hadn't searched it out for

us... What,

Lord Longford and Mary Whitehouse?

Yeah. We wouldn't know what's going on, would we? No, right.

So, um, we... Well... After you, Arthur.

Yeah.

Um...

Gusting. Yeah.

See why they paint the windows out, don't you?

Yeah.

That's what it's called.

I mean,

decent, respectable people. I mean, I shouldn't have to look at things like

this.

No, nor this.

Bloody hell.

That's disgusting, that.

That's the sort of...

your Lord Longford used to take home from Mary Whitehouse or something.

Yeah.

Oh, here, look at this. She'd like to see that.

Oh, dear Lord.

It's disgusting.

She ought to see that.

Send it to her.

And him. Oh, yeah, and him. He ought to see it too, yeah.

Look at this, Lord. What?

Whips and chains and... Well, that bondage that is, you see, there's people

who like to be chained up and whipped.

There's men, you see, who pay girls to do that.

But that'd hurt, wouldn't it?

There's some men who like to lay down naked and let girls walk all over them

with eyes to let their wheels on.

And that's...

It's a fact.

It's their thing like.

See, they get a sexual thrill out of it.

Not for the likes of you and me. I mean, it's not a working class thing. It's

more you're up for classes going for that sort of thing. It's a sort of a

perversion they suffer from, you see.

It's passed down the line.

All to do with inbreeding, you see.

They like to keep it among themselves.

They never go outside their own circle for it, except for oars and prostitutes

when they're sowing their wild oats sort of thing.

See, they like to try and keep themselves

thoroughbreds like their dogs and their horses.

And you never see thoroughbred dogs and horses except they're highly sensitive,

as they call it.

Mad is the word.

And you see, I mean...

a dog will snap at you, or if it's a horse, he'll kick out at you.

That is why all your upper -class families have got someone or other

in a madhouse.

You take your Conservative Party.

I don't mean the ordinary voters like you, the leaders of it. See, they're

always in sex scandals.

And I don't mean the sort of ordinary sex that you and me are going for.

New to the world, sex.

I mean... Your Labour Party have their scandals too.

Not sex scandals.

Well, that's because they can't afford yours, you see.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

I'd like to get a few Labour MPs in them chains and put a whip to them, eh?

Half a scargle. What?

I pay for him to be whipped and walked all over in high heels.

And Tessie O'Shea wearing them and all.

See,

it's the same with your upper classes, with their food.

See, they never eat their food till it's rotten.

They're classy, you see. I mean, oh, yeah. Now, if they had a rabbit, or air

more like, see, they wouldn't put it in a stew like your eye would or in a pie.

No. No, no. They hang it up in a cupboard till it stinks the house out

they eat it.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they never eat it till it's old. It's the same. It's the

same with their booze.

Wine, brandy, whiskey. They don't drink that till it's old. Cool. No, they won't

drink that while it's still fresh.

I'll buy this one.

Well, someone's got to see it. I mean... Oh, you mean the getty band?

Yeah, well, someone's got to see it.

Yeah.

Alf?

Alf, are you coming?

Well, just till later. I can't take it home.

What's the matter? Are you scared of your old missus or something? Of course

not. I just don't want her to get the wrong idea, that's all. Go on, then.

it. No, I don't want it. No, I don't want that.

Go on, then. Wait, huh?

Go on, then.

able to sleep in my bed knowing he's laying down here beneath me harbouring

thoughts of women

filthy talk in my house. I shall burn this. And throw him out. And throw him

out. You haven't got a fire. You can't burn it on an electric fire.

Well, I shall tear it up.