Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all my heart.

But they don't give a monkey's down at the age of ten, and they've gone and

be pensioned for a start.

Now, it won't be very long before I'm by her side, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's a fact, just because in sickness

and in health, that's what I'll do.

Bloody hell.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

What's that?

Gotcha.

Can I help you, sir?

It's just looking. Thank you, sir. It's all right. No, it's not all right. It's

all right. I've used one of these before.

Bing! Off!

I wish there was some way I knew you was doing it to the mate.

Yes! This is me turning you off!

You can't do it to someone in real life, can you? Give me that.

Don't touch me. You take your hands off of me.

Don't you touch this.

Can't you read? It says don't touch.

I'd like to make you disappear.

What do you mean, don't touch?

Got to try it out before you buy it, ain't you?

Do you know what this costs?

£2 ,000.

Well, there you are.

Before you buy a thing like that, you've got to give it a trial run, ain't you?

See if it works.

Japanese, innit? Yes. Yeah.

I bought one of their watches. Once never had no works in it.

Are you thinking of buying this television, sir? I mean, I don't want to

rude, but... Well, it's a lot of money, sir, and I would have thought... What

would you have thought?

Well, you're an old -age pensioner. Senior citizen, if you don't mind. And I

ain't lived this long, sonny, without learning a thing or two about life. And

one of the things I have learned is you don't buy a pig in a poke.

A pig in a poke?

You won't find a better set than this anywhere.

Anywhere in Japan, you mean?

Anywhere in the world, sir.

What, better than any other Japanese set, you mean? Better than any other

of TV set, sir. Better than a British one?

Far superior, sir. Are you a Jap?

I am English, sir. But I have to admit that no English -made television can

a candle to this machine.

You try to tell me that no Englishman...

None of our Royal Majesty's loyal subjects can make a better television

them little yellow monkeys out there in Japan.

Yes, unfortunately, sir, that's true.

Pathetic, isn't it, Carl Bromley? I can remember when British maid was the best

all over the world.

Well, you're a lot older than I am, sir.

And could be again if I was a bone idol, most of them. Yes, well, is there

something else I can show you, sir? Something less expensive?

Something cheap? Cheap.

Oh, you think I'm cheap, do you? I never said that. Oh, somebody did.

I heard him.

Something cheap for a cheap person. So I am cheap, am I? I never said that. What

I meant... Look, this is obviously too expensive.

I meant something more in your price range. How do you know I can't afford

Well, obviously you can't. You're an old -age pensioner. I told you, senior

citizen, mate. I'll have you for that.

That's discrimination on the grounds of age. That is ageist, that is.

What makes you think I can't afford that, eh?

Eh? Lord Grade, he's old age pensioner, isn't he? Eh?

Lord Charlie Forty, he's old age pensioner.

Lord Sir Bernard Della Fonti, he's old age pensioner.

Lord Marks and Sparks, he's old age pensioner.

And he's got more and better shops than this one, mate.

And all of them pensioners, they can all afford to buy that television set.

And... Hey, buy this shop and suck you into the bargain.

Yes.

Just because you're still a pensioner, mate, doesn't mean to say you're

inferior. We're an inferior species, you know. Isn't it marvellous? I fought.

I fought in the last war I did. I fought against the Japs for your freedom to

sell their bleeding television sets in this country.

Me and others, we fought. Lost lives, we did.

Didn't live long enough to become old -age pensioners. I was one of the lucky

ones. I nearly lost my life, but I lost the use of that leg, didn't I?

I've got medals for that at home.

Saving life and losing a leg.

You lost a leg?

Which leg? I don't like to talk about it.

Before you was born, sonny, when you was just a gleam in your father's eye, when

this country belonged to us, to people like me, before we had to share it with

the likes of you. But I don't like talking about it, so don't ask me.

going on?

Nothing.

Just don't like the attitude some of your staff has thought.

Well, all right, maybe I am old age pensioner, grant you that.

But don't mean to say I'm a second -class citizen, does it? It's not my

I've lived this long, is it?

I know this. I know that we're an embarrassment to some people that some

do. I know that there's some people who will rather us dead and try and kill us

off every winter.

You've done your bit, you've served your time, now off you go into eternity.

Well, I happen to be one who ain't ready to go just yet, mate.

Yes, well, I'm sorry, but what can we do for you?

Well, I'll come in here looking for a radio. A cheap radio!

Something to make a cup of tea for someone who's bedridden, living on her

light, you know, all crippled up and confined to bed for months at a time.

is a relative of yours, is it? No, it's me I'm talking about, mate, me.

You.

But you said someone crippled and confined to bed.

With the cold, Sonny, with the cold!

It's a tea's maid you're talking about, but not cheap.

You're right. Looking around this shop.

Looking around that marketplace out there, the only thing that's cheap,

life. Life itself.

Bloody animals are better off than we are. Animals. The pig.

The cow. The chicken.

Animal. He lives in a country, doesn't he?

Don't have to live in a bloody slum in Red Millet at Newham, does he?

I can't afford to go out in the country, not even for one day. The bloody animal

lives there.

All right, they're going to kill him for food, but we've all got to die.

The point is, while they're alive, they're better off than we are.

If you're food, you're better off.

If you're food, they look after you, make sure you didn't catch nothing.

If I was horse, if I was Princess Anne's horse, God, I'd be laughing, wouldn't

I?

What was a corgi? One of them has his corgis. God, blimey. What, live in

Buckhouse, drive all over the country in a Rolls Royce, Balmoral, Sandion and

Windsor Castle, just lie on the end of her bed all day, licking her feet.

All right.

Why, you've got to chase a few cats, bite a few prime ministers. Look, here

comes Margaret Thatcher. I'll have her ankles.

How do I bleed and stuff? Oh, look, it's the Royal Enquiry. We've had dinner on

a silver platter. What's he got today for us, eh?

Oh, caviar, pate de force grass. I'm not eating that crap. Clear off. Oh, look.

There's a little bowl of champagne for fire, though.

That's your royal dog's life, innit?

I'm going to queue up down the DHSS, reduce the spinning tails to our face

bureaucrat with heart as cold as a freezing bloody English winter.

What sort of a country is it where an old -age pensioner who's given his life

for it can't afford to buy a bleeding radio where others with more money than

cents can spend £2 ,000 on a television set just to watch the crap they put out?

Where an old -age pensioner has to sit like a beggar at a rich man's gate and

where he walks into a shop looking for something to buy to make his life a

little bit more bearable and he's treated like a common criminal.

Right.

What's the charge?

Charge? What are you charging me with?

Charging you? What do you mean, charging you? We're not charging you with

anything. He arrested me. He wrongfully arrested me. I didn't. Excuse me, sonny.

You placed your hand upon my shoulder and impeded my egress.

You impounded my vested privilege of movement and placed constraint and

upon my person. I know my rights.

It's a blind taste of malicious and malevolent wrongful arrest.

I just took this away from him. I thought I wasn't stealing it.

It says don't touch.

You can read, can't you? You're not blind.

How do you know? I might be blind.

Is that in braille?

No. A blind person might come in here. How do you expect me to read that?

I doubt very much if a blind person would be in here looking for a

set, sir.

All right, smart arse.

You might think it's a radio, mightn't he?

Anyway, there's seven million illiterates in this country. How are

be able to read that? I mean, poor buggers can't even read their own names.

of them don't even know who they are. So how are they going to bloody well read

your signs?

Marvellous, isn't it, eh?

Must be the only country in the world where you can be arrested because you

can't bloody read.

But no -one has been arrested. Oh, you're trying to get out of it now, are

I see, all right.

Go and get a piece. Look, there's no need for that. Always do that.

Excuse me, excuse me.

You've took the law into your own hands, haven't you? Right, well, we'll get a

policeman and we'll see what the real law has to say about it. Right, so we

off then. I'll do more than that, mate. I'll take it up the arse of the Lord.

Yeah, the European Parliament. Hang there, hang there. All right, come on

Come on. Put the cuffs on. Come on.

Come on, we'll see how far you can get. What exactly was it you came in for,

sir? You tried to bribe me.

You heard that? You heard that?

You'll be my witness. He tried to bribe me. No, I didn't, sir. I didn't say you

couldn't.

It was a tease made, wasn't it, sir?

Have we got a cheap one?

Have we got a cheap one? Cheap again.

Ah,

here we are, sir.

The deluxe model.

I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding.

Now, if you'd accept that with our compliments.

Can you put a plug on it?

She's been there a long time, isn't she?

Mr Garnet's daughter, isn't it?

He's given a thorough going over, I think.

Something serious, is it?

You'll get me struck off.

I love you, Rita. You know that.

Get divorced.

It shouldn't be such a painful operation, not in this day and age.

Oh, she looks well enough.

Just goes to show, doesn't it?

On your own?

I would.

Miserable, isn't it? No.

Here. You see this? Look, get off.

That's a radio, that is.

And wakes up with a cup of tea.

Marvellous, isn't it?

Japanese.

Well, it must be.

If it was British, it'd be on strike most of the time, eh?

I wouldn't be up early enough in the morning to make you a cup of tea.

and unemployed, eh? The bugger's right, that's what I say.

I mean, if your British worker can't make what people want to buy, well, what

they expect?

Your British worker won't even buy what he makes himself.

When it comes to spending his own money, he's got better things to do with it

than waste it on the crap that he turns out.

The car park at British Leyland is full of Japanese cars, I betcha.

Do you know how this works?

No, but I'll work it out.

I'll set it for you.

Oh, Tom.

It's all right.

Oi!

Stop!

For Rita.

Strange, you're giving this a joke.

Rita. That's strange isn't it?

I'll give him this address.

Private.

That's Rita's letter, that is. It's private to her.

You're not supposed to read that.

That's why it's got a stamp of it with a picture of the Queen looking sideways

so even she can't see what's inside.

What's it say?

It's none of your business.

No, it's none of your business either. She's my daughter.

That ain't don't entitle you to open her letters.

That's important.

She don't want it hanging around for weeks without her knowing what's inside

it. it on to her. I intend to, my dear. Once I know a letter's important and

personal and private to her, that letter is refilled and forwarded on to her.

Well, I hope you don't open my letters to see if they're important. Who'd write

important to you?

Mr Garnet, look, can I talk to you about your spare room?

He wants to move into it. Spare room?

The room Rita uses when she comes to stay.

When she comes to stay?

Let me ask him. Oh, ask him, ask him. He's there. He sits

He wants to move in here.

My sister's getting married, Mr Garnet. You ain't invited me.

They're going to have to move in to my mum.

And I want my run, see?

Well, it's hard luck, isn't it?

Well, I thought, if I could move in with you... Move in with me?

Yeah, I'll pay you good rent, you know.

Readies. And no questions asked.

And I'll be living in, on the spot, to look after you.

You will be better off.

Well, what about me? What about you? Well, this is my house, too.

It's not your room, is it? No, you expect me to keep my mouth shut, though?

impossible. And not say anything about your readies?

And no questions asked about what will be money in your pocket? I mean, what

about my pocket?

I'm a Catholic, and I have to go to confession.

If you expect me to lie to the priest and commit mortal sins on your behalf,

well, I expect to get something out of it.

You hypocrite! Yeah, don't you call me hypocrite.

And there's my meals too.

I mean, I could do with someone doing a bit of cooking and cleaning for me.

I'm as old aged pensioner as he is. Well, not as old.

Look, he ain't moving in here.

Because that room ain't going to be spare no more.

Because Rita's coming back here.

She's coming back home to live with me.

Those old buildings in Crippen Road, have you heard about them, Mr Garnett?

They're doing them up.

Turning them into luxury flats, they are.

Who are?

Council. They're going to be pretty pricey, they are, though.

I don't see the sense of me, none of us, to be able to afford them.

No, well, they're trying to attract a better class of individual here.

You know, homeowners, people with a bit of money. They're trying to upgrade the

area.

It's a good idea, actually, don't you think so, Mr Garnett? Herd all the poor

into ghettos, all the old -age pensioners and unemployed, parcel them

together in the same area.

It's a good idea, actually. They'll be happier together, with nobody to envy,

nobody to unsettle them, and everybody who's got a few bob can live among

themselves in a nicer area, with better shots and other amenities.

I mean, lame is a rabble. They can't afford to keep things up.

Everything gets run down. They want everything for nothing, and it spoils it

the rest of us. Now, I think that Mrs Thatcher is a very clever woman.

The idea of hers, dividing the country in half, with the poor up one end, the

rich up the other.

Brilliant, isn't it?

They'll put you out to grass somewhere up in Newcastle, I reckon.

I ignore him.

Here, Arthur.

Here. What?

Out of Rita.

Yeah?

She's getting divorced.

It's marvellous, isn't it?

I hope you didn't laugh when she told you. She ain't told me yet.

Well, how do you know then? Well, this come for her this morning.

From her solicitor. Here, I'll read it. No, I shouldn't really.

I don't like doing this. I mean... Well, it's private, isn't it?

Well, she won't mind.

She won't know.

No, I can't read this self.

I can't describe it.

Cruelty? On the grounds of cruelty? What's he been doing? Oh, well, nothing

violent. Just being himself, that's enough, isn't it? What I call mental

cruelty. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hello. Here comes the pipe.

Another fog warning.

Sorry to hear about your Rita.

Eh?

I saw her in the doctor.

I'm not one to listen, but I couldn't help overhearing.

What's she got to do with her doctor?

Probably depressed about it. Probably wanted some pills or something. Oh, it

more than pills.

She was in there a long time with him, she was.

My Rita's up in Liverpool.

Oh, not this morning, she wasn't.

Anyway, one good thing.

I heard him tell her.

There'll be no pain, he said.

Well, that's a blessing, isn't it, poor girl?

I've lit a candle for her.

And if you'd like a masthead, I can arrange it.

I talked to Father, and he said, it don't matter, you're not one of us.

Well, what do I want a masthead for?

Oh, no, no, in the power of prayer.

No, I've known people have a masthead, and what they was worried about never

happened. But I want it to happen, don't I?

happened to her?

Some father you are.

Well, I knew you was a pig.

But let's hope something the same happens to you.

I'll tell him.

I'll break it to him gently.

Mr. Garnett, I got some bad news for you, boy.

Bad news?

Yes. Rita was trying to tell you herself in case you caused a scene.

Oh, yeah?

Scene? Me? Why would I cause a scene?

Well, you've got your ideas, your own moral codes about the way people should

live, and what Rita's done, well, she thinks it might let her down, in your

right. And so she's asked me to tell you, to break it to you gently, like, so

you don't get too upset.

It's about her marriage.

Yeah, well, you see, Winston, I love my little Rita.

She's all I've got left in the world, but I don't matter. I'm not important.

She's the one. See, because my life is over, basically. I mean, you know, my

days are numbered.

I'll be off to join Mummy soon, but... My little girl.

She's... She's the one. She's the one that matters. I mean, it's her

That's all I'm interested in, her happiness.

Well, she's getting divorced.

I know.

I know!

She's never been better in her life.

All that fancy.

She's getting divorced.

She's getting divorced and that rotten, lousy, good -for -nothing, scarce kid.

Like I told her to do years ago.

You said it wouldn't work. I said it wouldn't work. Over 20 years ago. Over

years ago. And now she's coming home to live happy ever after with her daddy.

Right? Wrong.

She's a new boyfriend.

A new man in her life.

She still loves you, but in a different way. You know, not everyone loves the

same, I'm glad to say.

She's coming back to London, but she's not moving back in with you, Bwana.

She's going to be... Living in sin.

Shut up, you.

Get him struck off.

He lives inside with my daughter.

I'll get him struck off. I'll get you struck off.

He could too. I love your daughter, Mr. Garnett. And as soon as she gets

divorced, we're going to get married.

I know this has come as a bit of a shock to you.

I told Rita to tell you herself.

But we're very much in love. And that's all that really matters. Oh, is it?

Oh, is it?

Well, we'll see about that.

Did your Rita get all this on the National Health, Mr. Garnett?

She said you'd cause a thing.

scene. I'll give her a bloody scene.

And what about her life is all that matters and her happiness is all I live

What about my good name?

And what about I love my Rita because I am coming to the end of my days and she

is the important one because I'm off to join mummy soon.

The sooner the better.

I'm paying you very good rent for that room.

More than it's worth, I don't mind telling you.

What do you mean, so I should?

You know what I mean.

Not paying no more than you're sort of supposed to pay.

What do you mean, my sort? Do I detect a note of racism?

Buona? Look, nobody said nothing about that. It's you who brought that up, not

me.

It's true, though, isn't it?

It's meanness.

You know, I don't mind your colour. I got used to it, you know that.

Oh, thank you. That's so white of you, old boy.

Look, there's plenty round here that wouldn't give you a room in their house.

Not give, judge.

Yeah, well, as it is, I'll have to put up with all the moans and complaints

about lowering the neighbourhood.

A little bit of gratitude from you wouldn't go amiss, I tell you.

God almighty, what do you...

Look, it was me. It was me who was explaining to her upstairs and that

Swine Johnson about your lot the other day.

I told them, I said, you don't give old Marigold and his lot a chance. I said,

you won't let them try and fit in.

I said, you seem to think they're still living in trees and living in mud huts.

I said, you don't seem to realise some of them is quite intelligent, I think.

Speak the language almost as well as what we do, some of them.

A little bit of encouragement, a little bit of training, and they'll soon pick

up our waist. I say to Rita the other night, we was watching the cricket on

telly, I said to her, I said, it's amazing, I said, how quick some of these

Sambo's have picked this game up.

Especially the West Indians and the Pakistanis. Shut up.

And do you know something else?

If creatures from outer space was to land on this planet and happen to watch

Olympics, they'd think the black people were the superior race.

Oh, yeah. And they think America was a black nation. Oh, yeah. Because it's

blacks win all the gold and all the silver.

And the pinky people, they just win the old bronze.

Yeah.

Well, who was it, excuse me, who was it, give them the chance to win all them

gold medals and be good at sports, all them American blacks, what you're

about, eh? Who was it got them out to America in the first place, eh? Answer

that, clever dick.

They would think they were slaves, this pilly old fool.

Yeah, but they was the lucky ones, wasn't they?

I mean, where do you think Muhammad Ali and Louis Armstrong and all the rest of

them would be if their families hadn't... Gone on them bloody boats to

all those years ago, eh?

God blimey, we was doing them a favour. All right, I mean, maybe they didn't

appreciate it at the time.

I mean, putting them all in chains, maybe they didn't like that. Maybe that

their backs up a bit. But they was the lucky ones. I mean, your American bloke

is far better off than he would be in Africa. I mean, he don't want to go back

there, does he?

Same as your lot. I mean, you moan and complain, but none of you lot want to go

back to Africa, do you? Of course you don't. You're not mad.

You know when you're well off. Look, Sammy Davis Jr., where do you think he

would be today if his grandad hadn't been dragged screaming up the gangplank

onto that bloody ship, eh?

I'll tell you where he'd be. He'd be in Africa, being chased up a tree by a

bloody tiger. That's where.

Cobblers. Never mind about cobblers, mate. It's facts, I'm telling you. I

people complain about us, about this country and what we did.

But, I mean, there was method. There was method.

I mean, like when we sent all them convicts out to Australia. They went out

there in chains, didn't they? But look how well they've done.

Well, the bloody side better than the ones we sent to Wormwood Scrubs, didn't

they?

Same with Margaret Thatcher, when she took the milk away from all the

schoolchildren. Everyone was up in arms about that.

Maggie Fats of the Milk Snatcher, they called her.

She was doing them a favour. She took away their cholesterol, didn't she?

Stopped all them kids getting heart attacks.

God blimey.

They're putting government health warnings on your milk bottles now.

I can't talk to you. You're bloody mad.

Yeah, well, I must be letting you live here.

How are you going to be sleeping in there?

What do you mean, how am I going to be sleeping in there? Do you think I'm

to be sleeping in there? Well, I'm just asking.

But what are you getting at?

Look. There is a bed in there, and I am going to go and sleep in it. I mean,

what do you think I'm going to be doing in there? Oh, I know you're so bloody

touchy about it.

I'll ask you this all.

Just... Just sleep the way we do. That's all I'm asking.

You're in England now.

I've never been out of bloody England.

I'm going to burn it for Christ's sakes.

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