All language subtitles for In Sickness And In Health s02e05

Now, my old darling, they've laid her
down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all my heart.

But they don't give a monkey's down to
THS, and they've gone and I'll be

pensioned for a start.

So it won't be very long before I'm by
her side, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor,
that's a fact, just because in sickness

planning help, but that I'll do.

Where you been? I've been shouting for
you.

Shouting for me, have you? For hours.

Down the shop.

It's a wonder I never heard you. I was
only five streets away.

I ain't had no breakfast.

Oh, I'm slacking, ain't I?

Well, I've been waiting hours.

I know what I'll do. I'll get a
tracksuit and running shoes.

That's what took the time. You see, I
walked. I should have run.

Won't it be sarky? I'm not being sarky.
I'm neglecting you, aren't I? You

shouldn't have to sit here shouting for
your breakfast.

It's not fair.

It should be already waiting for you. Go
and cook it for me now.

I'll run a bath for you while you're
waiting. There's a button off my coat,

Never mind. I bought a new one.

New one?

Yeah, I popped into a jumble there while
I was out.

Jumble sale?

I'm not wearing cast -off, bloody second
-hand clothes, poo.

You're wearing, look.

Hmm.

Fits.

Hmm.

Must have been in old soldiers.

Hero, more like.

Look at them medals.

Oh, I'll soon have them on. No.

No, leave him.

Dad?

Stand on me.

Come back for breakfast.

Yes!

sits next to it. All right.

All right. Now take your turn.

You want to reserve a place? Come early.

Don't come rushing up late and expect to
jump the queue.

We got here early, mate. You get here
early.

Come on about, call it. Let him wait his
turn.

All right, Mr. Ogre. You go through.

Never mind about him. I'll see to him.
Go on. You enjoy the game.

Hey, fair's fair. I was here before him.
He's been coming here for years. Him

and his friend always sit together.

I've been... I've been here for years,
too.

I've never seen you before.

I've never seen you before. That doesn't
mean to say you've never been here,

does it? I know all my invalids.

Well, you don't know me, do you? No,
that's right. I don't know you.

Big mouth.

Anyway, don't matter.

I've never been here in my wheelchair
before, see?

Normally, I struggle up to the stands on
my crutches.

I don't like a pack of aunties, not like
some of them do.

Well, come on, push me in. The teens
will be coming out in a minute. I'd like

see them run out. Yeah, just a minute.
You've got a ticket.

Ticket?

He's with me. He's my sofa.

You can't come in here. Why not? You've
got to wheel yourself in.

That's marvellous, isn't it?

You want to do him out of a job? We
ain't got enough unemployment.

You want to do him out of a job. Was it
because he's black?

He's got nothing to do with me being
black.

Nothing to me. They all say that, don't
they?

We've got blackies playing for this
team. We've always had blackies playing

this team.

But you don't like blackies watching
them, do you?

I wonder whether you're entitled to go
in there and hatch out.

What do you say?

Never mind.

What do you say?

Entitled.

Entitled. These are my entitlement,
mate. I can't move them. I'm crippled. I

can't move them, lads.

They are my entitlement.

You can't move them?

I can't walk on them, can I? They're
useless.

Don't you talk to me about entitlement.

Look at that. Look at that.

What do you think I've got that for,
mate?

I thought.

I thought.

It was up to my neck, you muck and
bully. Well, I fought too. We all

Not as hard as that, you never fought.

Very few people fought as hard as that.

These ain't half right, mate.

For God's sake.

You leave your legs on a foreign
battlefield.

When you come home, this is how they
treat you.

I didn't leave your legs anywhere.
You've still got your legs.

I might have left them. It's only a
miracle of modern surgery I've still got

them, innit?

As it is.

I'll never walk on him again.

Fair, isn't it?

Bloody fair.

You give your life for King?

He's a good player, isn't he?

Good player?

Blimey.

We had better blackies than that playing
for us.

Clyde Best was better than that.

And he was no bloody good.

First time in the first club to have
blackies playing for them, you should

them off the boats.

They didn't want to buy them football
boots.

Just laced up their toes.

You sick!

Look,

get on the pavement.

Stop!

doing, you bloody idiot.

This chair should have been sent back to
the council for someone who needs it. I

need it. Just to cheat your way into
football grounds. That's all you need it

for. Making out you're a big war hero.
He didn't know I wasn't a war hero, did

he?

Unpatriotic swine.

You fight for your country and that's
the way they treat you.

Yeah, but you didn't fight, did you? And
they're not your medals, are they?

Yeah, that's not the point. He didn't
know that, did he?

I was wearing a war hero's coat. I was
wearing war hero's medals.

Nobody there knows that I wasn't eaten.
Yeah, well, you're a fake sitting in

that chair now.

And I'm pushing you. Why are you doing
all this? Because there's nothing wrong

with your legs.

Don't you tell me about my legs. What do
you know about my legs?

I'm the only one who knows what my legs
are, mate, and they're going.

Don't mind laughing.

They're on the way out, aren't they?
They're fading.

Like a field of strength ebbing its way
out of them.

Well, prevention's better than cure,
isn't it?

Aye, and figure the health service, not
figure the me.

For me, you don't have to be
bureaucratic and wait until I can't walk

all before I get a wheelchair like
they've done with me poor wife.

Catch them early.

That's what I'm doing.

Don't make the same mistake twice, do
you?

Catch them early.

That is the way to save the old service
money.

I'm thinking of them, not me.

Who stuck that in my window?

Who put that poster in my window?

This is my window. I don't vote for
them, and I ain't going to advertise

I vote for them, and Winston votes for
them. Well, I don't vote for them, and

it's my window, innit?

Fascists! Fascists! With them!

It might be your window, but it's a free
country.

Yeah, well, it might be a free country
out there, my dear, but in here, this is

my own.

alone. So it is.

And I'm not allowed to put a poster in
the window. You come home here and live

my day. You can have your own window.
Stick your posters in.

all married to a real man. That's what
I'm talking about.

What, like you, you mean?

Shut up, you.

I mean the thing.

Facts. Facts, my dear. Your women's
lives close their eyes to ears.

Who is it? Who is it goes out into the
real world, the odd world, outside of

cosy comfort of her own and slaves to a
woman, eh?

And who is it who slaves like an unpaid
lackey in the cosy comfort of his own?

And who is it goes out and slaves to pay
the rent for his own?

so it can be cosy comfortable, eh? And
hers, and hers, if she wants to live

him. Shut up, you!

It's not her, it's next door.

He works his penis to the bone, he does
the... That's her.

He works his penis to the bone to keep
the roof over her head, but no, blimey,

your women's lib don't take no care of
that. No, that's just what's expected of

him, eh? And who is expected to fetch
and carry for him, eh?

Oh, and who is expected to clothe and to
feed... And what is he expected to do?

Is he expected to come home and cook his
own dinner when he comes home from

work, eh? What, keep a dog and bark
yourself?

Dog! Dog!

You'd like that, wouldn't you? A dog to
cook and clean for you! A domestic

animal who'd wag its tail every time its
lord and master came in pissed from...

You watch your mouth, eh!

...spinning off his money, boozing with
his old cronies!

A dog! A dog would be more grateful!

A dog would know what side his bread was
but.

It was marvellous, wasn't it? I mean,
little did I know when I was creating

that I was making a rob for my own back.
I mean, you want children, yes. You

struggle for them against all
adversities, to bring them up wanted and

dote upon them, to provide for them.

I worked.

As he is my witness, I've worked... I

worked hard, I did. I didn't have much,
but what I had was brought into this

house. and spent upon you and your
mother.

Yes, it was.

I cried some nights. I cried and... I
cried and I prayed to him to

be able to give you more.

I worked, I worked all the hours God
gave me. Every bit of overtime there

worked it.

Blimey, I'd come home here some nights
and my back was breaking. I couldn't lay

on that bed for the aching, the agony,
the aching muscles that I'd strained

working for them I'd loved.

Praying and crying and crying and
praying to him to give me the strength

carry on.

Not knowing that that little baby, that
tiny infant in its cot, would

one day turn into a serpent of my
throat.

I'll give you a bloody laugh.

Poisoned and corrupted by your bloody
women's living. This, this Marxist,

satanic...

Anti -Christian, faulty bastard, bloody,
satanic, great rubbish.

And you're no better. You let them stuff
your head full of rubbish too.

You've killed the goose that lays your
golden egg, mate. What golden egg? Us,

us, the British Empire.

Your benefactors.

Who looked after you in the old days
when you was under us, in the old days

your colonies.

But you wasn't very smart, was you?

See? If you'd had a bit more up there in
them curly nuts of yours, you'd have

really... You'd have known when you was
well off.

You'd have left well alone. You was
popular in them days. Same as women.

was popular.

Who'd marry one now? I know what they
was going to find. That was going to be

bloody well treated.

But you was, you was popular.

When you knew your place.

And you served those whose place was
above you.

So they stuffed your head with all that
bloody socialist rubbish about Jack's as

good as his master. Well, Jack is not as
good as his master. Good blimey, a

worker. He was popular at one time with
your ruling classes.

And everywhere you looked, outside of
every factory on every factory wall, it

said, Haynes wanted.

Haynes wanted. Not head stuffed full of
half a scargle bloody rubbish.

Where are you now, eh?

All right, all right. Don't be bloody
facetious.

And these stupid kids.

Eh?

And are you any better off, brother?

Sister? Eh?

Well, Blimey, in them days... In them
days, we let you... We let you fight in

our wars, let you join our armies,
didn't we?

Blimey, we even let you have your own
regiments. We filled your chest with

medals. Ones we won ourselves.

All right.

Blimey, you... You had a place in our
history.

We was friends.

Shut up!

We was friends and we taught you our
games. We taught you how to play

didn't we? Well, we could teach you now.

Yeah, all right.

You've come on a bit since then.

All right, you've come on a lot. I'll
give you fair dues.

I mean, you've played a game quite well
now.

Too good for you.

Yeah, but you ain't mastered the
subtleties of our game, have you?

But we always win.

That's because you ain't learnt to lose
like gentlemen, innit?

I mean, football, football, you're quite
good at that, some of you. There will

come a time when the only thing white
about the English football team will be

their shirts.

And then there's boxing. We might
provide you with the world heavyweight

champion one day. Not bloody Bruno.

Whatever his name is, there's one thing
for sure, Buona.

He's definitely going to be black.

Who's that now?

Good evening, sir. I'm here on behalf of
the Labour Party. You can sling your...

You've got one of our posters in your
window.

Hey, one of your posters in my window.
Can I talk to you, or perhaps to one of

your children?

Get off my...

Yes, my land.

What, two -foot porch?

Two -foot, 50 ,000 acres don't make no
difference, does it? I pay rent and rate

for that land.

Rent and rates, my dear. And that is
inviolate to me.

And no one, not anybody can set a foot
on it without invite from me.

Englishman's castle.

So, if you don't mind.

Thanks. Shut up, you.

That's all right.

No, go on, out.

Shut up. Out.

I'm on the public highway now. Yeah,
obstructing the entrance to my house.

Impeding access to his land.

Yes, loitering on my pavement.

That's my doorstep, too. It can stand on
my half. I might want to vote Labour if

you don't. No, it's all right. I'll stay
here. But can I talk to you? Yes, but

stand on the porch. I just told him
to... But is there land, too?

Half, he says.

Well, it can stand on my half.

Yes, which half is that?

The other half?

Look, half is mine, the other half is
hers, so she says. It is. Well, why

you clean it for a change then?

Wipe your feet before you come in. It
wouldn't be so dirty.

Look, the other half is hers, see? Yes,
I understand the principle, but which is

the other half?

The half that ain't mine, you stupid,
bolshie bastard!

Right, now then.

She had this sense you wouldn't talk to
him at all. I shall talk to who I want.

He's Labour. You don't want to vote
Labour, do you?

I shall please myself.

It's between me and the ballot box who I
vote for. I've got nothing at all to do

with you. This is my half of the porch,
and I can have anyone I like to stand on

it. But you're a Catholic. It's against
your religion to vote Labour.

Who told you that? You did.

Oh, I never said any such thing.

Shirley Williams is a Catholic, and she
used to vote Labour. But she don't now.

No, I know she don't. She's STP.

But when she was an SDP and voted
Labour, it wasn't against her religion

Catholic to vote Labour.

Anymore than it's against her religion
as a Catholic to vote SDP.

It's got nothing at all to do with her
religion as a Catholic. Anymore than

got anything to do with my religion.

If I want to vote Labour, I can vote
Labour and I'll still be a good

But I don't want to vote Labour because
I'd rather vote SDP.

Because during the Spanish Revolution
out in Spain, it was Labour.

And I've never forgiven them for it. So
you can get off my house.

This... This Labour Council have even
banned prayers out of the council

now. I mean, in a neighbourhood that
needs all the prayers it can get. Needs

more than prayers, my dear. Needs a
bloody miracle round here.

Well, you vote STP if that's what you
want. I wouldn't. I mean, you vote

according to... the lead of your
conscience and your parish priest, you

STP. I wouldn't. Here, here.

Too many ex -Labourites in your STP,
like a Shirley Williams in your David

for my liking.

Now, if there was a few Tories in your
STP, well, might give them a go and vote

for them next time round.

They'll have to get a new leader, I tell
you.

Dr David Owen.

Blimey, I wouldn't like him as my GP.

He might be able to diagnose what's
wrong with you, but I bet he wouldn't be

able to prescribe for it. Very well put.
You see, the SDP have no consistency.

Why don't you put a sock in his sock?

It wasn't Labour that burnt down the
churches in Spain and Russia. It was the

Communists. Well, what's the difference?
They all look the same to me, the same

way he's locked up. You see, the Labour
Party believes in parliamentary

democracy. What are you talking about?

Democracy, eh?

Get in their own way. That's your
politicians' idea of democracy.

They're all natural dictators, aren't
they? All of them. All of them? Yes.

It's their war, my dear, not ours.

We're just an embarrassment to them, we
are.

Except when there's a war on, they want
us to fight it for them. Or when there's

an election and they want our votes and
they have to come knocking on our door

like bloody brush salesmen and begging
them off us, charging them off us. They

should be made to buy our votes.

That's up front for them. In the old
days, my dear, you got a sack of coal

your vote.

And what do they offer you now, eh?
Promises. Bloody promises, innit, eh?

I mean, at least in the old days, after
the election, you still had your sack of

coal. And what have you got now, eh?

Bloody sack of lies and empty promises.

The only promises... I don't want any
coal. The only promises... Coal's no use

to me. Not up there.

The only... I'm all electric.

When it works.

The only...

What? When is this council going to get
some decent electricity round here?

No, who next door's got us? Works. I
mean, we've put enough rent. Will you

up? Shut up! Shut up!

Well, we'll certainly look into it for
you, Mr... Arling Green.

Look, the only... That's the flat
upstairs, is it?

Well, I can promise you we'll get...
There, I'll promise you. See? Promises.

The promises, the only promises that
your politician keeps, my dear, is the

promises he makes to himself.

The only bit of Britain he's interested
in is the bit of Britain he wants for

himself. And the only new house he's
going to build is the new house he's

building for himself, what goes with his
new job and the new car that goes with

it. All I want is an electric kettle of
work.

Send ballot papers, my dear, that you
and I put our X on. It may only be a bit

of paper to us, but to them, to them
they're gold. They're pure bloody gold

treasury notes.

I've never met a politician yet, or a
bloody trade union leader, or town

councillor, or any of the, I'm doing
this for the Batman of Britain brigade,

didn't end up a bloody sight richer when
he finished and when he started.

I tell you, living in this country is
like driving in a car with a drunk who

doesn't know where you want to go or how
to get there. You can see Charlie up

one -way streets the wrong way, charging
through red lights, who you'd take his

keys off him if you had any sense or
wasn't as drunk as he is.

What they ought to do, see, what we
ought to do with all your politicians is

take them out and shoot them. Bang,
bang!

That way, we'd have a few decent
politicians and no bloody politicians at

Can I just say one thing? I ain't
finished yet! No, I thought you probably

hadn't.

Through the chair, comrade. Through the
chair. Trouble you bloody politicians.

Never let anyone get a word in edgeways,
do you? Worse than bloody Wogan, you

are. What I want to do might improve
this country a bit is make all your

politicians, all your... Make Britain a
better place to live in, bloody brigade.

Make them go and live in the slums, not
up there in the posh houses.

Yeah. Put the Prime Minister, her house
and all your bloody cabinet down here.

Them mixed with the sort of bloody
rubbish we have to mix with might see a

of improvement then, yeah. Let Margaret
Cat Thatcher come down here and live.

Let her get mugged a few times.

Let her have her bloody handbag stolen.

Let her get raped. Yeah, let her try...
Let her put up with some of the bloody

hooligans we have to put up with and let
her darling Dennis go and try and drink

in some of the pubs I have to drink in.
She might do something about law and

order then instead of making promises
about all the time.

If you had to come down here and live
among your criminal classes... Criminal

classes? What's criminal classes? Here,
here, this bloody street is full of

them. They're working class people.

Don't you tell me what they are. I live
here amongst them. These are your

criminals, mate. The ones who can't
afford to go and live in Spain.

Where they come home to, God blimey.

Visiting day at Wormwood Scrubs is five
shower banks leave this street.

Waste money building new prisons.

No.

Just move all the innocents out and
build a bloody great wall round the rest

them. I fought for this country, mate.

Yes, I can see you fought, sir.

Yeah, and you come along, you toffee
-nosed little twit, you.

And you're trying to tell me how to run
it? I take your point, sir, but... And

what did I get out of fighting for it,
eh? I'm sure you're going to tell me. A

wife who spent her life in a bloody
wheelchair, didn't she?

And she got nothing out of it. And where
I lay my head at night, mate?

I have to pay exorbitant rent to a
bloody council that's always babbling on

about what they're going to do for
people.

People! Blimey! The one thing I never
knew, mate, was when I fought that war,

what I didn't know was that wasn't my
country I was fighting for. It was my

bloody landlord's country. I can see
that you fought.

That's a fine display of mettle.

Good Lord, isn't that the monster?

He won't talk about it. He's never told
anyone.

He's my father. He's never breathed a
word to me about what he's been through.

Yeah, but you don't get those for
nothing.

120, including the coat.

It's men like him that's made this
country what it is. Dad, why don't you

inside and take the weight off your war
wounds?

What did you clear off, eh?

Look at them.

The party's over.

The party's finished.

Look at them. Ain't you never heard a
political discussion before?

Perfect. Look at them, look at them.
Bah, bah.

Marvellous, eh? And they're going to be
allowed to vote.

Like letting the inmates of a loony bin
decide who's going to be allowed in and

who's going to be let out.

No wonder you'll have to put a cross on
your ballot paper, innit? A cross.

A mark of ignorance.

The more ignorant your voter is, the
better the government likes it. Oh,

That's why they won't spend no money on
schools, innit?

Hey! They might go on about Russia, but
I'll tell you something, mate.

It's a political system that all the
governments of this country envy.

One party, one vote. Takes all the
uncertainty out of elections, doesn't

them who don't like it, Siberia.

Excuse me, Mr Gunning.

I am the Conservative candidate.

Can I count on your vote?

Just a minute, just a minute. You used
to be with the Labour Party.

Oh, yes.

When I first come here, I was with
Labour. But now I have corner shop. I'm

conservative with Mrs. Hatcher.

That's amazing.

Practically, isn't it? We build you a
community centre.

Oh, so very good of you.

Because your brother -in -law, Jerry, he
built a community centre.

Jerry? My brother -in -law's not Jerry.
You've got the wrong chap, old chap.

I have not got the wrong chap, old chap.

They say, Community centre is jerry
-billed by councillor's brother -in

That's why it's all down and no
questions asked.

And who is it gets my black balls at
golf club?

Nothing to do with your black balls.
You.

It is you gets me black balls. Black
balls? It was your handicap.

And my black face. Oh, yes. I am very
welcome at golf club. Using broom,

sweep. Oh, very good fellow.

but not use golf stick or tap.

That's it, isn't it? That's the last
straw.

Oh, blimey, I've heard it all now. From
now on, it's number one.

Oh, that'll make a change.

Oh, good flesh, it says. Do your own
thing. Feather your own nest.

Stand on your own two feet.

It's the age of the spear, isn't it?

So sod you, Jack. I'm all right.

Thank you very much. God bless.

Thank you. Silver collection.

Don't forget those yourselves.

Don't forget those who serve.

Thank you very much, dear. God bless
you. Sir. Old soldier did his part. He

it a free world.

Old soldier did his part. God bless you,
sir. God bless you.

Two for you.

Two for me.

Two for you.

Two for me.

Why are you getting more than me?

I'm your entrepreneur, aren't I?

Taking advantage of the week offer.

Spitting like the rest of them.

No, the gold one's just me.

You talk about bloody band -aid, I
reckon I've just invented chair aid.

Any luck I might get an OBE out of this?

I'll be there in a heartbeat.