Original subtitles

Now, my old darling, they've laid her down to rest, and now I'm missing her

all the art.

But they don't give a monkey's sanity, I just said, and they've gone and I'll be

benching for a start.

No, it won't be very long before I'm by her side, but I'll probably starve to

death, that's what I'll do.

But richer or poorer, I'm bloody poor, that's the fact, just because it's

sickness and it helps us, that I'll do.

Look what he bloody look like in his soup and fish, eh?

Look like he'll be waiting on that table, not trying to play snooper on it.

Well, go on, Ed, go on!

Have a go at it, go on!

Try and get out of it.

You can't, can you?

It's no good staring at it, it won't go away.

No good going up that way. I see what you're thinking.

On that cushion.

Off the other one. It's not going to work.

Luck.

Pure luck.

You jammy bugger, you.

I'll turn you off. Do you hear me? Off, off, off.

I wouldn't have turned you on the first place. I know it was you staying here

sparking your bloody ears.

Get you, Peruvian punch, you.

You're well supposed to get off.

Bloody advert.

More bloody adverts.

Bloody crappy kraut motorcars. We won the war.

Get off.

Oh, God.

Bloody BBC two long -haired crap.

I'll give him peacock all right.

I'll give him slot in the machine all right for that rubbish.

Look at him standing waving his bloody stick.

Why don't you wave your nose at me? It's long enough.

You I'm talking to, Ike.

Bloody band's big enough and all, isn't it?

I've heard better music than that from Joe Loss with a band half that size.

Waste of bloody money. Who put you on, eh? Who put you on? One of your bum

friends, wasn't it?

Kettle.

God blimey.

You're still where you was, aren't you?

You ain't hit a ball since I've been gone, have you?

Is there anyone in here?

Yes.

The room is full of them. Can't you see them?

Oh, Fred.

Mrs. Olivery. Mrs. Olivery. George. Fred.

Who was you talking to?

George and Fred.

I heard voices.

Well, keep it down, fellas, or you'll disturb them.

What's it got to do with you if I have people in here at night, eh?

This ain't a boarding house. You're not the landlord.

It's my home. I live here.

Well, it might be your home, but it's my home as well.

Now, I don't want you filling it with strangers at this time of night.

They're not strangers. I've known them for years.

You've been introduced, haven't you?

I heard voices.

Ghosts.

It's a ghost of your husband. Come back to haunt you.

If you had any sense, you'd haunt somebody else.

Oh, it's a ghost that wouldn't haunt you.

She would.

That front door's not bolted. Oh, God, here we go again. No -one's going to

in. I'll bolt it before I go to bed.

Anyone could open that front door and creep up my stairs. Who's going to...

wouldn't hear them. Who's going to creep up your stairs this time of night?

There was a woman my age, old age pensioner, raped

only the other night in those buildings round the corner.

Luck of the draw, isn't it?

matter with you. It was you talking down here. Talk to yourself.

Gordon Bennett, you see that? Look at that. Look, look.

His Wesker button touched the ball.

Foul him, ref.

Foul him. Don't let him get away with it.

You blind.

Don't let him get away with it. Foul him.

Has your daughter seen you like this? You bloody lying, twisting, cheating

git. You're not well.

I'm not standing here watching this bloody rubbish. I've got to be.

There you go.

There, I bolted the door. There, you're safe now.

No raving madman's going to get you now, is he?

Raving madman?

He'd have to be to come up your stairs, wouldn't he?

You can sleep tight now. No boogeyman is going to get you.

I ain't slobbed.

Hey, and the key's on the other side.

It's that bloody daft mania! Upstairs!

What's he doing now?

He's acting very strange.

Oh.

He isn't dressed.

Oh, killer. Oh, killer.

I don't know, Jack.

We shouldn't let him go.

He said he's tipping the bush. This time in the morning.

He's watering it.

letter to you. Where have you been? Jogging? What are you going in for, the

marathon iron? Sir, that barmy bitch, she locked me in. You mean out.

In, in, in.

She locked me in. Well, you're out now, so you mean she locked you out. I know

what she locked me in, a cow. She locked me in.

I'll lock you up, Mrs...

Summoned it

I see. So, what are you doing?

Are you all right? Yeah.

What?

I didn't know you was coming, did I?

So, I'm here. I want to come in. Come on.

Yeah, but you... You should have let me know you was coming.

What's that got to do with it? Come on, let me in. Oh, look, Dad, I don't want

to stand talking on the doorstep. I'm tired.

Just come all the way from Liverpool.

Come on. Yeah.

She's all right. She's always like this. She's on the change. I mean, I get this

all the time off of her.

Get out of the way. No. Come on, let me in. Stop it.

Look,

when Mr Johnson phoned and said you was acting peculiar, I thought...

Stanley, if you don't mind.

All right?

Gone get in.

Bloody immigrants.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry I couldn't make it this morning, but I had to go to Heathrow,

cousin. Oh, blimey, marvellous. They're flying him in now.

What's the hurry? Couldn't he get on the banana boat?

He's fixed himself up with a job. I had to go and meet him, show him his thing.

Oh, blimey, four million unemployed, they're flying his cousin in.

fly whenever I can. I flew up to Manchester when West Ham played up

flew up to Liverpool with them. I fly to a lot of away games I do. Marvellous. A

jet setter's working for the local council now.

Half -ass with some Bruno.

Hey, Mrs. Olinbury smells that. You won't be safe.

You'll be in for a hot pain.

And if the copper smell what you're going to be smoking, mate, you'll be in

a long time.

Very, very sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful good lady.

Sorry, business.

Yeah, well, happens to all of us, don't it? Oh, yes.

But it was a very sad loss to me.

It's a very sad loss to me, mate.

Oh, yes, oh, yes. But I have lost a very good customer.

And I have lost a very good wife.

Oh, yes, oh, yes.

But it was a bad blow to me.

Her going like that, so sudden.

It was a very bad blow to me at all.

Oh, yes, very bad blow.

But it has done me no good, her going like that so sudden.

Now, what do you mean?

Well, she went owing me a few pounds.

That's a nice thing to say.

I'm not saying anything.

Not saying anything?

Bringing that up, maligning the woman, now she gone?

Mary Gould, I am not maligning her. I'm not saying anything against her. All I

am saying is, if Mrs. Garnett had gone on Saturday instead of Wednesday,

I'd be all right.

Because, you see, she always paid me Friday.

No, I don't suppose she wanted to go on Wednesday.

I'd better say if she'd had her way, she'd have preferred to wait till

If I'd had my way, she wouldn't have gone at all, because I'm the one who's

mess with that bloody thing living upstairs for me. I mean, you don't think

went on a Wednesday just to do you out of a few quid, do you?

I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is, it has cost me money.

It's cost me money, Sabu!

It cost me her pension and what she got for sitting in that wheelchair of hers.

Yes, yes, yes, I'm sure.

But her going on Wednesday is no good to me.

It is just my luck.

Just your luck? What about my bloody luck? What about her luck? You shut up!

Oh, my God, I am not blaming her.

Mrs Garnett was a very good customer and a very good pair. All I am saying is...

He knows.

He comes into the shop. He takes the groceries.

Put them on the slate. Mrs Garnett will pay you later. And she did. She always

paid you.

Not now. She cannot pay me now.

That is what I am saying, Sambo.

This one orders.

This Marigold orders.

Put on the slate, put on the slate, put on the slate.

And then she passes on.

But it's not my fault, is it?

I'm not saying it is your fault. Well, why are you telling me then?

What does Mr Garnet owe you? Mr Garnet don't owe nothing. Mr Garnet owes for

this tobacco. That's all Mr Garnet owes, sir. Well, what Mrs Garnet owed? What

Mrs Garnet owed? Mrs Garnet owed. I'm thinking this would happen.

I saw where you came along saying my Mrs owed you money. I mean, God, brother,

where's your proof, eh?

I mean, any old Tom Dick Harry come knocking in the front door saying your

owes the money, especially if she's passed on. She's not there to deny it to

face. What proof have you... That's what I'm talking about.

Proof, mate.

Bills.

Bills, mate.

That's what I want to see, is bills signed.

Bills and statements. Signed statements with signatures on them, John John.

That's how we do business in this country, John John.

Signatures, not by ESA.

I'm going to take my custom elsewhere from now on. From now on, I buy British.

What do you think I am?

Bleeding Japanese?

Will you shut up? Will you keep quiet? I am trying to talk to my daughter. Look,

first of all, she bolts me out of the house, eh? I can't get in. It's pouring

down the road. I'd have to spend the night over at the Johnson's, sleep on

bloody sofa.

Will you shut up and listen? Then she locks me in my room, in my own room. I

to climb out the window to have a... I mean, in my own house.

You tell her. You tell her I shouldn't have to do that. Not my time of life.

She's here. She's standing.

No, you tell her I wouldn't talk to her.

Oh, here, you tell him I don't want him talking to me.

You tell her I wouldn't talk to her. No, she was the last person on earth I

wouldn't talk to her. Yeah, you tell him I wouldn't listen to him if he did.

Even if he was the last person on earth. You tell her I wouldn't waste my breath

talking to her.

You tell him I wouldn't listen to him if he did.

Oh, you are making it hard for each other. Look, you've got to come to some

arrangement. You can't go on that.

And tell him there's someone knocking on his front door. You tell her it's her

front door as well. Oh, he's got a key.

Who gave him a key?

I did.

Why? So as he could get in, of course.

Well, I don't like him having a key.

It's none of your business.

Well, tell him it's my front door as well. Oh, yes, your front door now.

nobody knocking on it, is there? Hello, everyone's in a party mood, I see. Shut

up, you. Want more money, I suppose.

Oh, well, keep your hair on. Don't be facetious.

been up to do?

Settling up for my harvest.

More debts she's left for me. Well, she couldn't pay me when she was in

hospital. Then I popped off on realities.

Anyway, I wasn't worried.

Oh, you wasn't worried?

No. I knew it'd be all right.

You knew it'd be all right. That's marvellous, isn't it? Yes.

Now, let's see. Here we are.

Milk. Butter, eggs.

Oh, a few small bets went down. A few small bets. God, I'm gambling to the

she was.

Ah, yes. And there was one big bet. Also at Newmarket. She really fancied it.

Said it reminded her of you.

A 60 to 1 outsider wearing blinkers.

She had five pound on it to win. What a punter. Five pound to win on a 61

outsider. God blimey. She was scared you'd find out. Well, I haven't. I'm too

late. That's the trouble.

You'd have stopped it, would you? Of course I'd have bloody stopped it. It's

enough running up bills without running up gambling debts as well.

Bloody women, they beggar you.

It's all right for you, though. You bloody women, you've got your women's

What about us? What about your man's lib? Yes, your man's lib.

Every day a woman runs up, a man is responsible. I mean, what are we, the

keepers?

I mean, they take away the reins for controlling them, and when they gallop

spending your money, we're held responsible.

Don't let that Mrs. Pankhurst change to them bleeding railings.

I shall appeal.

I'll appeal to the European court when I married her.

A woman's place was in the home. And the only... Yes, it was.

And the only money that a woman was allowed to spend was what her husband

to give her. And I ain't paying for no daft brats of £5 or £60... It was.

It was.

£300.

Hey, do you know what the name of the horse was?

Chauvinist pig.

So you're going out to the pub with your winnings then, Daddy?

Well, spend a bit of it, you know.

Have a little party.

I mean, you've got to celebrate, haven't you?

I'm sure she would have wanted me to.

You're coming, aren't you?

Later. I've just got a phone number.

By the way, Dad.

What?

I've invited Mrs. Ollingbury.

What?

I've invited Mrs. Ollingbury.

You what?

Just another excuse to get drunk?

No, I don't... Not that you need an excuse. You have done.

I don't want her on my pie.

Bloody miserable care she is.

Not you.

I don't care if she does hear me.

Well, I've invited her now. Oh, God.

I think she likes you really. Get off, Ali.

She does, but, I mean, she's just overawed by you.

Overawed? Yes.

But, well, I mean, she's never met a man like you before.

She's confronted, she says, by strong -willed, powerful...

I mean perhaps I've been a bit old.

To Elf, wherever she may be. Oh, she's up there half all right. That's where

she'll be.

Seated upon his right hand, getting her just desserts and a good life that she

lived down here.

You do believe in heaven, as you often?

I don't know, Elf.

I'd like to think there was heaven and I'd be going up there to better things,

but, well, I mean, if there is, it depends a bit on who's running it,

it? How do you mean?

Well, I mean, it's Lord God, isn't it?

It's not Fred God or Harry God.

It's Lord God, isn't it?

And it's how much like a working -class heaven do it.

I think it's the same old crowd running up there that's got it all down here.

From my experience, and what I've seen of God and his bishops and his synods

and what they let go on down here, I don't think he's much better than Mrs

Thatcher or Norman Tabbitt.

Why should it be, Arthur?

Yeah, well, it's their world, isn't it?

I mean, it's their heaven.

You want to know the truth, Arthur?

Yeah, I want to know the truth. Tell me the truth. I'll tell you the

unadulterated truth.

It's like horse's mouth. Absolutely. I think what's going to happen to anyone

or anything is what happens down here.

I reckon all we're put here for is to make a few bob if we can. Yeah.

Have a good time spending it. Mm -hmm.

And then go quietly when they call time.

I mean, I'm all right, Jack. Sod you, and all the rest is through. No. No. No,

there's got to be heaven, Arthur. If there's a God, there's got to be heaven.

Otherwise, where else are you going to live?

Right?

He's told us, says heaven, hasn't he? He promised it unto us, hasn't he?

And God doesn't tell lies, does he? No.

He's not a politician, is he?

You don't have to rely on votes. I mean, he's got nothing to gain from telling

lies, besides of which, I mean, why do you go to all the trouble and make all

this, you and me, all the animals, the stars, the universe, and that?

It's all written in the good book. It's there in the Bible. The good Lord, he

made us in his own image.

God looks like you.

Is that resemblance?

No, God probably looks more like Charlton Heston.

He probably made Charlton Heston to play God in films.

Better than Reagan.

He went bad in some of them cowboy films, didn't he? But they never let him

a president.

They didn't even let him get the girl.

He had to be satisfied with a chimp.

No, Clark Gable always got a girl.

That's right.

What it means that he made us in his own image means that he's made

us perfect like his soul.

You're perfect. I'm not perfect. I've got my faults, I know that.

What it means perfect is he has made us...

Perfect in build and in shape, is it? In build and in shape. Look at my

laughing.

Look, my dear, look at the one... A hand, right? Look, you see, there's

one. A hand.

And he'd give us four fingers and a thumb on each hand. He'd even do that,

hands. Hands.

He'd put them on the end of your arms, didn't he?

Well, they would be most handy.

Handling your whiskey.

Handling your cigar.

Which is why they're called hands, I suppose.

And look, look. See, he gave us a nose and two ears to hang your spectacles on.

He never gave you no air, did he?

Air is mostly for monkeys.

Look at this one. He's got a face like a busted sofa. Look at him.

This is my cousin, Christy. The one I met at Heathrow from Dublin.

Oh, but Jesus.

How is he, Mr. Garnet?

Bloody blackface Mick!

Dad,

I've got to go now. I've got to catch my train.

Winston's going to take me to the station, so you don't have to worry, OK?

You enjoy yourself. Listen, you be nice to Mrs. Oliver, please.

Okay.

about a nightcap, eh?

Let's have a little nightcap.

Your place or mine?

You haven't bolted the door.

Frankly, Mrs. Oliver, I don't give a damn.