Original subtitles

Good morning, Willie. Good morning, Professor.

Your breakfast juice, as usual.

Oh, how marvelous.

Pineapple Tropicana with a little bit of ketchup. One, two, three, four. Just

right. Thank you, Willie. That's wonderful.

Pardon

me,

sir.

Sir, what kind of a game are you playing?

Most of Ben Abdullah Schwartzberg does not play games.

Oh, oh, Wurtz's is mine, Leviticus Wurtz's, and I play Lou and Gin Rummy,

but that's a strange deck of cards you're playing with.

This is not a deck of cards.

Examine.

I know a lot about animals, you know. I breed animals, you know. I crossbreed

animals. At least I'm working on it, but I know a lot about plants, too, and I

don't know what this is. What is this? This is the strangest leaf I've ever

seen.

You are not a very wise man.

May I have my leaf?

This is a special leaf brought to this area by my ancestors many, many hundreds

of years ago.

It is a leaf possessed of very rare and magical qualities.

A magical quality.

That's fantastic.

What do you think it could help me with my experiments, you know? I'm

experimenting with crossbreeding animals. I'm trying to make a flying

you know? A turtle that can swim in air.

I'm working on all kinds of snakes with legs and things. I'm trying to

crossbreed them so they'll make strange kind of new animals, you see.

Maybe that can help. We sell them by the ounce.

Oh, well, how much an ounce?

But for you, first, I want you to try.

Oh, how beautiful. Try it. You'll like it. Oh, that's wonderful.

Yes.

Yes.

My head, you say.

How all the cosmos goes before your eyes.

Some colors.

Yes.

Oh, head, body.

That's it. What do you call that fantastic stuff? What is that?

We call it the bungaloo leaf.

The what?

The bungaloo leaf.

Oh, that's it. Maybe that will help me with my experiments. I must have that. I

must try that.

Do you like that? Look.

Do you like that?

Come on. Eat some.

Come on. It's good for you. La, la, la.

La, la.

Come on. Don't bite the cage. Bite the leaf.

How about you?

How about you have some crazy food?

Hello, baby. How did you eat?

How would you like some of these beautiful leaves?

Don't be afraid. They're good for you.

They're good for you. They're sweet for me.

Come on, chilly bird.

Oh, you haven't let me down.

Maybe you'll eat some of this great leaf.

Oh, here we are.

Oh, pretty Shirley.

Daddy brought you honey, honey.

Daddy brought you breakfast.

Little bungaloo leaf.

Come on, here you go. Eat up. Open up your mouth.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Come on. This is nice and horny. And then you'll want to fuck the snake and

it with both of the monkeys. Would you like that?

Eat it, you schmuck. Eat it.

Oh, I give up. You're terrible. I give up.

Nothing works.

It worked on me if it ate things.

Oh, you just exhausted me. I've got to check another day.

Who's there?

Who's there? Here we go.

Who's there? Who's talking? Is that you?

Is that you, 75?

I knew it all the time. I knew you were a baby doll.

Professor, I can really talk.

Who's talking? You.

Come on, Jimmy. I know it's you, Jimmy, baby.

I love you. I love you.

Tell me again.

Tell me again you love me. Will you please turn around? I'm over here.

Come on, Professor, please.

over there.

Or there, Professor.

Professor, I'm right over here.

Please come over and pet me and make nice again.

You always make nice and I love the way you make nice.

Please make nice with me, Professor.

Shirley! Is that you?

Shirley! You're talking!

Who? Shirley!

Yes, I ate some of those leaves and I can talk now.

That's wonderful.

delicious leaves. I ate so many that I'm just stuffed.

Perhaps a little later.

I'll tell you what. You just rest. Take your time. I'll go out for a walk. You

understand? Then maybe you'll get hungry again and you'll eat a few more leaves.

And who knows? Oh,

well. How did you do, Shirley? Did you just... Shirley?

Shirley?

Shirley, did you eat the leaves? Where did you go? Don't get around with me,

Shirley.

Shirley, what happened?

Shirley, don't get around.

Shirley, where are you?

Oh, Shirley, I hope I haven't lost you.

I've waited so long.

Oh, no.

Oh, and there goes my Nobel Prize.

Fame, glory, everything I've worked so hard for.

I mustn't think negatively.

She must be down by the water. My last chance. Shirley!

Shirley!

I'm over here!

Over here!

Oh, Shirley, Shirley, Shirley, Shirley, look at you. I can't believe it. Oh, my

baby lobster, look what you've turned into.

But what happened to me?

Where's my shell?

I only have four legs. How am I going to walk? How are you going to walk?

What is all this stuff?

That skin, that titties, these are legs. You are beautiful. You are great.

How everything is done from there. Learn to walk. First we're going to walk. You

have two feet. No more eight or ten.

How many did you have before? How do I walk?

I will show you. First, follow me. Just stand up. Up.

Up. Up.

That a girl.

Nice.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful. One step at a time. First this foot.

That's right. Up. Up. Up. Here we go.

Oh baby!

What's wrong, Professor?

I thought we were going to make babies.

Oh stay there, we need more fungalolilies.

Stay there. I'll be right back.

What happened to all my pretty skin?

What happened to my titties? What's going on, Professor?

Wait there. Wait there, baby.

We'll get the leash before that man disappears.

This is your boat?

You've got to sell me this boat. You've got to sell me this boat. I've got to

get to Pangaluli. Man, you can't take this boat. This is my son's boat. This

not for sale. I don't care. I've got to get there.

A boat like this will never get to Pangaluli.

I told you I'll get there or else.

How much do you want for it? You can't buy it.

$1. No, you can't.

$10. $20.

$30. Not even a hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars, you got it. You say a hundred? Yeah. Okay, I'll take it for a

hundred. Okay, here.

A hundred dollars.

I asked the boat, but this boat will never get to you. It'll get me there,

you worry about a thing.

I got to get there. That's the greatest stuff in the world.

Take off, don't you worry about it. You all right? Oh, you're crazy, huh? You're

crazy.

Looks like we've come out on some kind of a beach.

I think we've lost her back in the mountains.

Phew, that was a close one.

Gee, Professor, maybe we can look for some fongoluli now, Professor, huh?

We're certainly going to try.

This might very well be fongoluli.

Was it the weirdest beach I've ever seen?

It's almost like rubbery sand.

Oh, cutie pie, you're not quite my size, but you're a man.

Oh, come on, sweet pants, just sock it to me.

Get away, get away, you fake mother.

I'm not looking for that kind of funky business.

I'm a scientist, not a lover.

If you're a scientist, why don't you explain?

this sugar plum?

I'm not an explorer.

I'm an animal experimenter. I can turn my lobster here into a beautiful young

lady by feeding her some fungaloolie.

I got plenty of fungaloolie.

You're a big fat liar. That's what you are.

Shaking your big fat ass isn't going to change anything.

Listen here, muffin mouth. I'm not asking you to... marry me. I just want

climb up inside me and show me what heaven on earth is all about.

That's crazy, you know.

I wouldn't make love to you if you were the last woman on earth.

Besides, you'd probably crush me to death in there.

Come on, sweet pants.

Just sock it to me.

I don't need sex. I need Pongaloolie.

Maybe we can make a deal.

what you want if you give me what I need.

You mean?

You mean you have?

You can get me something?

That's it. That's it. You've got it.

You've got it.

I'll do anything you say. Anything for that.

I want you to climb up inside me and shake, rattle,

and grow until my toenails crumble and the heavens explode.

Was it a deal, Romeo?

Shirley, I'm going to get us some bungaloo leaves.

I'll just let you out of the basket. And while I'm keeping her busy, you crawl

over and eat all the leaves you can.

Don't look up, because there are some things I haven't told you about. I don't

understand. Just eat the leaves and run for it.

Okay. It's a deal.

You just place it down there so I can get it when we're through.

Come and get me, you delicious cunt.

Wow, it's really very nice in here Can't see a fucking thing, but I'm sure I'll

be able to find her vital parts once I get used to the dark.

Well, I've got to stop somewhere, and this big doohickey is usually a good

to get them going.

I'll just whack on it like a punching bag and see if that sends her flying.

Ah, she's starting to move.

Okay, baby, what you feel is what you get.

Oh, Leviticus, you little rascal.

I'd better get the hell out of here before that gigantic nympho comes to.

You're going to get the call. Come away.

Oh, sure.

Oh, no.

Rick, Rick, get away.

We're going to lunch.

That's enough. I have to feed sister now.

That's enough. I have to feed mother now.

Mmm, that was delicious. I feel full now.

My turn?

Mmm, I'm full now.

That was delicious.

Sex time, sex time.

Sex time, yes. You're right, sex time. Wait, wait, wait.

But who goes with who? You and I will go together.

But I thought we were together yesterday.

Wait a minute. I was with Father yesterday.

No, Father, you were with me yesterday. No, you were with me yesterday. Sure, we

were together. No, I was with you and Father.

No,

wait a minute. You were with Father yesterday. We were wasting sex time. I

with Mother.

It's a veritable Shangri -La.

Oh, my. Look.

Look, can you see?

Funny sleeping people.

Oh, this is so lovely. This is like the Garden of Eden.

I think we're in Bangalore.

It's too beautiful not to be.

They sleep with their eyes open. Weird.

We'll have to talk to them. I guess they won't mind us waking them up.

You. Hello.

Hello, everybody.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello, everyone.

Uh, is this fangaloolie?

No.

Well, do you have any fangaloolie leaf?

Yes. Oh, goody. Oh, goody, goody, goody, goody, goody, goody. I must tell you my

story. You must help me. You see, I have this lobster girl, you see, and she

turns into a ravishing beauty when she eats the fangaloolie leaf.

Bullshit.

No, no, no, it's not.

It's not. It's true. It's a real story.

Wait, I'll show you. If you just give me some pangolini leaf, I'll show you. I

will. I will.

Show us.

Show us.

Show us.

Show us. Show us.

Show us.

Show us.

Show us.

Let's get Shirley.

Let's get Shirley.

Let's get Shirley.

She's beautiful.

She looks good enough to eat.

I'm tired of milk.

Oh, Mommy, I want some of that.

I wonder what she feels like.

Let's find out.

Yes, boss.

Oh, I'd love to.

I'd love to give it a hand.

Yes, lovely girl. Shirley, my pretty lobster.

You're going to take us to Pungaloo? Shirley,

my lobster and I have been traveling for a long time.

Yes, Shirley, when she eats Pungaloo leaves, she turns into the most

girl in the world.

I mean, you and I, Shirley, will be together?

No, I feel like we haven't done anything yet. But we will.

I can't. Every time I try to, you know what?

I do my thing, she does her thing, and then we're going to have big creatures,

strange animals.

We're going to do a lobster that can crawl in the bottom of the sea.

Weird. How do you like it? It's good.

Okay, good.

No, man. No, man. You don't get it on the water. You puff on it. You puff on

What's in there?

Bungalow.

Bungalow? That's bungalow.

Smoke it, too?

Doesn't everybody?

Like that?

Like that.

Like that?

Harder. More.

In. In. In.

you're changing look at them shells disappear

It doesn't look like it did.

It looks like a world beneath the world.

What do you think it means?

It means that Pongaludi will be our death yet. Either that, or I'll make you

your girl for life.

I don't know. It sounds like a human voice.

But it's in human.

It's coming here, though.

No.

We've got to go

on, though. We must. We've come so far.

Some kind of a strange, weird old lady.

He's spreading it, too.

That's the man that did all those very nice things to me.

It's not him at all. He's her.

I mean, she's him.

I brought you to this island for me because, Professor, with your...

you back.

Oh,

please,

Professor. Tell her to make me into a girl again.

Oh, why did you do that? Bring her back. Please bring her back. I love her. I

want her.

You really want that silly little creature back again? Well, Professor.

Professor, dear, come here.

because you must do the fungalooly trot with me. Oh, yes, Professor.

Oh, yes, I have a robe. I have a robe that will make you dance and prat...

Oh, my goodness.

What's going on in here?

Oh, no.

No, where are you taking me?

No.

She... She tempted me.

I don't like that kind of time. I'm just a scientist.

Oh, no.

Oh, my goodness. It's so young.

It's... Trepidantism. Hang on.

Oh,

no.

Not you.

Not you.

Not you. Not you. Not you.

Not you.

Oh, come on, Shirley.

Let's get the hell out of here before that mad woman gets some more crazy

Like a loony.

Well, if you want her so bad, Professor, you can have her.

Shirley, what's happened to me? I think, I think I'm a lobster.

Professor, you're beautiful.

I mean, you're really handsome.

Shirley, I've never looked at you as a lobster before.

You're positively ravishing.

I can't understand why I ever tried to change you anyway.

Gee, Professor.

That look in your eyes, I've never seen it before.

And it frightens me.

Don't be afraid.

I just want to hold you closer than I've ever held you before.

That's what frightens me.

I think I love you.

That was a mind blower. That was fantastic.

Why did I ever want you to be a girl?

Now I can take you home to my mother.

Your mother? Is she a good cook?

Fantastic. Do you like raw fish?

Boy, do I.

Oh, Professor, we're going to be so happy.

Why don't you just call me Leviticus?